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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (July 19, 1901)
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Whether Common or Not.
Ev'rybody's got t' hustle, peelin' fruit from sun t'
F'r tti' -summer's in th' middle an' th' cannin'
time's begun.- , . , . .
An' it's sortin out crab apples, an' it's pickln'
berries, too, '.""-
"While ma is washing fruit jars, an' th' kettles' full
An pa is busy buyin' fruit an' sugar'ev'ry day ' ; '
'Caus3 ma says fruit is better canned th' good ol'-
An' I help her '1th th' peelin', mighty thankful 'at
I am -
A partner '1th my mother, cannin' things an' mak-
'. front are reserved the women will flock to them,
arid then wo omokers can use the three rear seats."
Then it was we recognized the fact that bur
friend knew a'thing or two about women.
Pa s'ays'it's boun t' break him," buyin' sugar by
th' ton, . -J
Butma jus' laughs an' says 'at pa is only havin'
fun, , .
An' that ho's jus' as fond o' fruit as any man can
Though not no fonder than a boy I know an' that'
My, how ma works an' hustles 'roun',' she's tip
afore it's light
A peelin', pittin', corin' things, until long after
An' I am full o' joy an' fruit an' happy as a clam-;
When ma begins a-cannln' things .an' makin' jjlj
an' jam'. ' ... .,;," .ut
Th' work is purty hard sometimes, th' kitchen's
awful hot, ' ; V .,, .v,., .
With applo butter steam in. clouds. a raisin' from
th' pot, . -.; - ""
An' crabs a sim'rin' on th' stove with rather sour7'
A cpokin' all th' juices out t' boil down -into jell;
An' me a-workin' back an' forth a paddle made o'
A-stirin' apple butter till my ..back is nearly
broke " . , .
But munchin' juicy apples I'm so thankful 'at I
1 . am '
4 partner in th' business, canning things" an'
- makin' jam. .
. . .
Purty hot now, but nex' winter when there's lots
o' ice an' snow -'.'.", : '.
It'll be a mighty comfort f'r a feller 'jus' t'
That th' cellar's full p' goodies cans a settiri
. roun' in rows ' , '
Waitin' f'r my ma t' open when the blizzard howls
Or when school is out I hustle t' get home mighty
'Cause ma '11 meet me 'ith a piece, th' jam on good
Jus think o' days a-comin'! Any wonder 'at
So willin' fhelp mother cannin" things an' makin'
jam? . "
. , A Or eat Discovery.
The inveterate smoker rushed into the office
with a smile upon his face.
'Made a great discovery!" he shouted. "I'll go
down in history as a benefactor of the race."
Naturally we asked him about it. .
".Instead of reserving the three rear seats of- the
open qars for smokers I will tfave the three seats
in front so reserved."
"But that will allow the smoke to blow b'aclc
into the faces of the women," wo protested.
Then tly inveterate smoker looked on us wtth
a pitying smile.
"Not so," said he. "When the three seats Id
The Wise Guy.
' "Made a pile of money on the races yesterday,"
said he Wise' Guy.
' "Did you liaVo a tip?"
"No J just used common sense. Saw a horse
named Perspiration entered for the free-for-all and
put .nty money on him. And Perspiration ran
Same Fellow. . . .
One thing I notice as the world
' I slowly travel through
' ' The man who growls about the heat
.:' . Is the same man I'd always meet
U-r '4 Kicking when cold winds blow. ' V-!,,
"You admit that you killed this man?" queried
the. stern judge.
"I do," admitted Mr. S. Pace Filler,, the writer.'
"Have you anything to say in your own de
fense?" asked the judge.
Mr. S. Pace Filler's face lighted up with a
smile, and turning to the jury, he said:
"Gentlemen, I spent -weary and torrid hours
writing a jok.ejclculated.:to, make millions laugh
and. forget the hpt, weather., M.'y victim was. the
fprpmaji. en. th,e 'paper, . .VJtii malice aforethought
hp deliberately and premedftatedly mixed my jolce
up'witi p.n obituary'jipticp and " . , V
"Enough" cjt'ied the judged.. . ,'l
, And a few minutes later the jury rendered a
verdict of "justifiable homicide."
Uncle Eben. ''
"It has been my experience," remarked Uncle
Ebeh, as he turned the cabbage-leaf in his hat and
took a fresh chew of finecut, "that th man that
works hardest try in' t' keep cool is th' man that
does th' most perspirin', an' that th' feller that
grumbles most about th' work he has f do is the
feller that raises th' weediest corn."'
Mr. Morgan has his millions, while I have
nothing but Mr. Morgan's stomach will not sub
mit to boiled cabbage, and mine delights therein..
Mr. Rockefeller has more money than he can
haul in a hay wagon, while I could haul mine in
a matchbox but I get more fun out of a weed's
salary than he does out of a year's dividends!
Mr. Carnegie has millions and is afraid he wi.l
die rich, while I have nothing but I am not wor
ried to death by solicitors.
Edward VII. rules a mighty nation, while I am
only a subject but the smiles of my rulers is the
sweetest welcome I can have when I go home at
Strange Isn't It.
A man who can sit at a chessboard for three
hours without moving a muscle, or. on the bank of
a creek half a day waiting for a bite, can't sit still
thirty minutes in church without feeling that he
has. done enough work to kill a hired man.
v Shop Talk.
"Lovely corn weather," said the fat passenger.
"I never .talk shop," replied the little man
.across the aisle.
"Huh?" ejaculated the fat passenger.
Without further ado the little man held out
his card; It read:
"J. P.ayson Smythe, Ghlropodtet."
' - - -4fv7 M. M.
The New York World and St. Louis -Post-Dispatch
publish a Washington dispatch stating that
during the presidential campaign last year, Aguin
aldo sent messengers to Mr. Bryan offering to sur
render unconditionally In case a democratic presi
dent were elected, and proposing a contribution of
money from the Philippine revolutionary treasury
to the democratic election funds.
The report says:
"This remarkable disclosure throws a strong
light on the real attitude of the insurgent govern
ment and its leaders toward the United States.
"During MV. Bryan's first visit to New York
after his nomination at Kansas City, two agents of
the Philippine republic appeared at the Hoffman
House and asked to see the democratic leader. , Mr.
Bryan declined to receive them'. The next day
they returned and renewed the attempt to secure
a private interview with Mr. Bryan, but agairiithey
failed to see him. They insisted that their busi
ness was of overwhelming importance, but de
clined to givo a hint of the object of their mission.
"Later in the day they were informed that ono
of Mr. Bryan's friends would receive them In his
behalf, but they were warned that they could not
be treated with as officials of the revolutionary
government, but as private individuals.
"The two delegates of the Philippine govern
ment waited on Mr. Bryan's representative at the
time appointed and presented their credentials.
They declared that with Mr. Bryan's approval
Agiiinaldo would at once issue a proclamation announcing-
that in the event of Mr. Bryan's election
to. ithe;.. presidency the Philippine army would,
without. .condition, surrender to the United States
and trust the Bryan administration for a favorable
form of government, founded on the principles of
the constitution of the United States. '
"The delegates also announced that they were
authorized to offer a contribution of $100,000' to
the democratic national campaign fund. They ex
plained that the Philippine people were convinced
by the utterances of Mr. Bryan and his supporters
that their only hope of justice and freedom lay in
democratic success. On the other hand, the policy
pursued by the McKinley administration had satis
fled -Aguinaldo arid his people that the republican
party had no intention to govern the Philippines
other than as subject colonies.
"Mr. Bryan's representative informed Aguin
aido's envoys that the democratic party could
have no dealings or bargains, directly or indirectly,
openly, or covertly, with men bearing arms against
the authority of the United States. They were told
that the Philippine question was being fought out
as an issue of domestic politics and that the Am
erican people could thresh It out and settle it
among themselves without any outside suggestions
' "The democratic spokesman said that if Aguin
aldo believed that his people's only hope of justice
lay in Mr. Bryan's election, ho should not have be-
lieved it possible that the democratic candidate
would secretly traffic with armed enemies of his
country. The Philippine envoys were advised to
leave New York at once and to Inform their gov
ernment that the democratic party would have
nothing to do with them.
"The two Filipinos were greatly surprised and
declared that Aguinaido's intentions -were not un
derstood. He asked for no promises, proposed no
bargains and suggested nothing treasonable. All
ho desired to know was whether a proclamation
offering to surrender to President Bryan woulU
help -or hurt the democratic party in its struggle
for control of the government. M'r. Bryan's repre
sentative declined to express an opinion.
"The offer of $100,000 was again received and
was for a second time declined.
"The envoys were informed that their . pro
posals would be considered offensive by Mr. Bryan
and that if the republican managers got wind o
the mattpr they might twist the facts into a scan
dal grave enough to change the result of the elec
- tion. The Filipinos were deeply disappointed, but
immediatejy left New York and went to Toronto,
Canada, ;5 communicate the answer of the demo
cratic leader to Aguinaldo." - -