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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 30, 1901)
TTJT"TI .' - ;ur '. U 0 'f 444444-l4ril,N4- H44"l4HhHHHhlH 11 4-4 ! Whether Common or Mot ...H-iHHhf"M4HHtiH''E"HI I 1 lill H-H-H b Duty and Destiny. When a people luntf for rcedom, Grab fcheir lands "because wo need 'em;" Hold 'em up and deltly bleed 'cm . k That's the now, the modern way. Shoot 'em lull of moral suasion; t Prato of lovo when you've occasion; Start out right on each Invasion But be sure you make It pay. Shoulder arms and. be preparing" t For big slices when they're sharing Lands of those who have the during ' To ask freedom this lato day, Seize a pleco and call it duty (Duty Is one name for booty) ', If a victim speaks of loot, ho Should be told " 'TJs destiny," ., Show the world you lovo your neighbor; Talc and keep fruits of his labor; If ho kloks, get gun and sabro And convince him though you slay. But be kind while you are looting; Be benevolent while shooting, While at lovo of freedom hooting And be sure you make It pay. ,- - v. .- S' -4 . 'f -. Thwarted Ambition. ' ' "Hello, Booraerleighl I thought you wore" 'hold ing" down a seat in the Senate at Washington!" "Nope! Had a streak of bad luck." "How's that?" "Just as I got my legislators rounded up for the final vote my bank failed." naan Guaranteed. The. head of the Consolidated Associated Syndi cates wheeled around in his gold plated revolving o mir and glared at the young man who had dared to ask for the hand of his daughter. "Young man; can you support my child in the manner to which she has become accustomed?" "Sir," said the young man in ringing tones, "I have just cornered the Belgian hate' market and or ganized a hare trust." The eyes of the great magnate' filled with tears of admiration, and he gave the young man his daughter and a junior partnership. watamwm A Modern Fable. A Deferred Hope, walking mournfully d,own the Highway ,met a Moral Code- jauntily'walking along with a Saiicy Air. "Alas, how can you be so happy?" asked the De ferred Hope. "Easy enough!" exclaimed the Moral Code, light ing a Cigarette- and iblowing the smoke into the at mosphere. "I bought my Conscience of the Rubber Trust." aunts Dissipated. Punman "Too bad that the government should encourage intemperance." Dumbleigh "Don't believe that it does." Punman "0, yes! Congress - refused to repeal the stamp tax, and insists on a continuation of the lick'er habit. The Coming: ricthod. My friends," said Rev. Under A. Thumb, "my text this morning is taken from " "One moment please," interrupted the tall, dark man sitting in the censor's pew, "Are you quoting from our revised version?" "I am, sir," replied Rev. Dr. Under A. Thumb. "Does your sermon lay especial stress upon the injunction, 'Servants, obey your masters?' " "That is the trend of my second division." "And your version is unsullied by the declaration that all nations of men are made of one blood?" "I eliminated that passage myself, sir." "Of course the objectional 'golden rule' has no place in your sermon?" "Most assuredly not!" ... - -- "And does your sermon contain .the section- cjn- The Commoner. phasi.ing the promise that 'to him that hath shall be given,' and proving that it refers to temporal wealth and flower?" "I have included that in my pcrorafcion this morn ing." "Then you may proceed, sir. At the conclusion of your remarks we will sing, 'Dare to Do Right.' " MMM Intrinsic Value. In the days when Metals could Talk an Ardent Gold Standard Man was wrecked upon a Desert Island. As the Man wandered about in Despair, seeking Vainly for Food and Drink, he stumbled over a large Block of Gold and skinned his knee. "Why cry" aloud in despair?" asked the Yellow Metal. "Am I not what you long have Sought?" "Quite true,"replied the Man, rubbing his Skinned Anatomy, "but just now I am a believer in the Theory that only Bread and Water have Intrintic Value." Moral: You wouldn't believe it if you saw it., IMfi: Return. Cast your bread upon the waters; In good time it will return And if you cast It in Now Jersoy You will havo somo loaves to burn. M-l I I 1 lit 1 I M i II tl-l-HfrHf-frlUM 1 1 1 11 Modern Definitions. "Pacification Excuse for more troops. University Institution for unlearning political history. Contract Something that binds a debtor; not binding on the creditor. Bimetalism One kind of money and the promise ot another. Strenuous Life Abllitv to work the press corres pondents; a man who says he will not and theji does. Statesman One who can secure plenty of "pork." Promise Something to keep if it is not profitable to break it. W. M. M. I I CI H II I I 111 I I I H 1111 i I I H H t I HM ;; tp Smiles. - j! 1 1 I I 1 1 111 I I 1 I II I I I I I I H I 1 1IIHHI The thing that goes the farthest toward making life worth while, That costs the least, and does the most, Is just a pleasant smile. Tho smile that bubbles from a heart that loves its fcUow men Will drive away the clouds of gloom and coax the sun again. It's full of worth, and goodness, too, with manly kindnchs blent It's worth a million dollars, and it doesn't cost a cent. Thcrojs no room for sadness when we see a cheery shillo It always has the same good look It's never out of style It nerves us on to try again, when failure makes us blue; The (flmplcs of encouragement are good for inc and you. It pays a higher interest, for it is merely lent il's worth a million dollars, and it doesn't cost a cent. A smile comes very easy you can wrinkle up with cheer A hundred times before you can squeeze out a soggy tear, It ripples out, moreover, to the heartstrings that will tug, And always leaves an echo that is very like a hug. So, smile away. Folks understand what by a smile is meant, It's worth a million dollars, and it doesn't cost n cent. Baltimore American. Tomkins The idea of the swell set snubbing Jenkins, simply because he's a self-made man. Browne Think so? Tompkins Certainly, they admitted Snorkins, who is also a self-made man. Browne Ah! but Snorkins was made in England. Philadelphia Press. "You are looking handsome tonight, Miss Flite," Bagster remarked in the pauses of the dance. "So Mr. Smythe told me a few minutes ago." Bagster (only remembering that Smythe is his hated rival) "Well, you wouldn't believe anything that chump said, would you? Philadelphia Times." "They put the dollar before the man all through the campaign!" "Well, the event shows that they put the dollar where it would do the most good!" Detroit Journal. "And what did you see when you had climbed to the mountain top?" "I saw an advertisement of a new and wonderful remedy for shortness of breath," Exchange. i tMa. : W I Bad Appointments. ii 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 mii ii mum 1 1 im-h-mi Hfr The Hartford Times adds what seems a sound reason for the withdrawal of the nomination. That paper is so much exercised by tho episode as to de clare that "tho manner in which the President is plainly attempting to influence the Supremo Court in this case is probably the most scandalous and shock ing incident in our political history." Hut, putting one's indignation aside, lot us consider tho practical side of the situation. Says the Times: If Justice Harlan is disposed to decide against Mr. McKinley on constitutional grounds, but takes refuge in the fact of the appointment of his son to refuse to take part in the decision, the administra tinn will succeed in reducing by one the number of justices who will stand for the republic against the empire. This is by no means a remote possibility. The Court numbers nine members, but if this justice should withdraw from the consideration of tho Porto Rican cases, owing to any popular outcry over his son's appointment, the Court would be so composed as to make possible a tie of four to four in tho deci sion. Such a decision would mean that the Porlo Rican legislation, for the time being at least, would stand, since the efforts of the appellants is to over throw it. If the President will not withdraw the nomina tion, young Mr. Harlan should now decline to permit the use of his name. There are dangerous possibi lities of a deplorable scandal and of immense bitter ness in the present situation if it bo permitted to continue. It is already evident that Mr. Harlan's nomination cannot pass through the Senate without its peculiar relation to the Supreme Court being con sidered. There has been much talk in late years about "attacking the Supreme Court," and the ques tion can easily be asked, who is attacking it now? There is yet time for the President to relievo himself and the Court of all suspicion in the popular mind, for it cannot be believed that he has brought about this state of affairs with deliberation. Springfield Republican. It is impossible to ignore the fact that President McKinley's action in offering honor and emolument to the-sons of two Supreme Court justices at the pres ent juncture argues a deplorable lack of tact and dis cretion, if, indeed, it implies nothing worse. Tho question of the fitness of the men thus honored does no enter into consideration. Presumably Lieut. Jb B. McKenna. who has been promoted to be an inspector-general of volunteers, with tho rank of major, is, a worthy officer. Certainly no one familiar with tho attainments of Mr. James S. Harlan of this city will, be disposed to deny his personal fitness. Nor are the, American people in general willing to believe that the Justices whose sons have been thus favored are likely to let themselves be influenced by person al favors. Let these facts be conceded and the appointments mentioned still show, an astonishing indelicacy on the part of the administration an indelicacy which is all the more deplorable when it is considered that the administration cannot be excused on the plea of ig- norance of the situation. When Mr. McKinley Be-) lected Mr. Harlan and Lieut. McKenna for lucrative positions in our island possessions he must have been perfectly well aware that he was giving out substan tial favors to the sons of justices before whom ques tions involving thcie island possessions must come. It is in no sense a reflection upon those justices to say that they have thus been placed involuntarily in the attitude of being put under obligations. The fact that they will try to ignore these obligations malces no difference. They have been placed deliberately in a position in which men of less integrity might be in fluenced to favor the administration, while men of) integrity but of less breadth of view might be in- fluenced to oppose the administration's side for th sake of appearances. President McKinley's proneness to offend in this " way stamps him as a man of wretched taste, when the best is said of him. These shameless appoint ments, made while the fate of Porto Rico is in the balance, imply incredible dullness on the part of the the Chief Exeeutive or a degree of cynicism that prop erly calls for a stern reproof from'the people.Cht" cago Record, (Rep.) 1 1 v ;i 5. t is &Mtrktiiimrb&mi