Nebraska Newspapers

    Loup City Northwestern
J. W. BURLEIGH, Publisher
LOUP CITY, - - NEBRASKA
LEGAL STATUS OF THE SCREAM.
In obtaining a legal determination
of the value of a scream. Miss Grace
Reals of Chicago has performed a dis
tinguished service for her sex. Miss
Reals, who is an actress, sued a drug
gist for injury to her vocal chords, al
leged to have been caused through a
mistake in filling a prescription, and
has been awarded $5,000, says the
Pittsburg Gazette-Times. The jury
was told that in emotional roles,
when the villain became perniciously
active, Miss Reals had to engage an
other woman to do the screaming for
her. The jury agreed that a scream
less actress is sadly handicapped in
her art. but its verdict should afford
protection to women other than those
who follow the profession of the
stage. No woman can go safely and
happily through life without a scream.
From mice to burglars, there is a
broad variety of emergencies, each re
quiring its owns scream of peculiar
intensity. There are married men of
long experience who claim to be able
to tell from the tone of a scream
whether there is a mouse in the re
frigerator or little Johnny has tumbled
into the well. The occupants of a
Kansas City flat building were saved
from a horrible death by the scream
of a woman, which summoned the fire
department. Therefore, an impairment
of her vocal chords which interferes
with her natural screaming powers is
easily worth $5,000. In fact, the Chi
cago druggist who is to pay that sum
to Miss Reals may congratulate him
self on getting off so lightly'.
The speed test of the new scout
cruisers Chester, Salem and Birming
ham resulted in conspicuous victory
for the first-named, which in a 24-hour
trip made an average of 25.50 knots
per hour, her competitor, the Salem,
reporting an average of 24.54. The of
ficers of the Chester assert she could
have done still better but for a slight
fault in one of her turbines, which
can be readily remedied, says the
Troy Times. The Birmingham dropped
out when the contest was half over,
some impairment to the machinery
rendering this necessary. But with
thorough "tuning up” there seems to
be no doubt that the three vessels will
be valuable additions to ships of their
class, the function of which will be to
scour the sea and do it with alacrity.
The letting of the contract for con
structing the railroad to run from
Arica, Chile, to La Paz, Bolivia, is an
other striking indication of the prog
ress made in uniting the three Ameri
cas. The new line, to cost $15,000,
000, will cross the Andes mountains at
a height of 12,000 feet above the level
of the sea and is to be part of the
longitudinal system which is to tra
verse practically the entire length of
Chile, 3,000 miles or more. And it will
be an important link in that enormous
ly greater system which in time will
make it possible to travel by rail from
the United States to the extreme of
South America. The late Hinton
Rowan Helper should have taken
heart of grace, seeing how rapidly his
idea was materializing.
The American army mule is a valu
able and useful beast, as has often
been demonstrated, and he is holding
his own, with no kick coming. The
government stands by him. Orders
have just been issued that army offi
cers going to and from San Francisco
and the military reservation near that
city must ride' in conveyances drawn
by army mules and not automobiles.
The officers formed the automobile
habit at the time of the earthquake
and as a matter of emergency and ne
cessity. But the government regards
the good old reliable mule as quite
adequate to ordinary conditions, and
so the animal comes back to his for
mer dignity.
Residents of New York city are ask
ing why, in the face of the casualty
records of last year, and the growing
movement for a safe and sane Fourth
of July, the fire commissioner of that
city has issued fifteen hundred permits
for the sale of fireworks. This is in
consistency worthy of note; although
even in cases where cities have rigid
ordinances against the use of fireworks
within their limits, dealers may be
permitted to sell fireworks to outsid
ers who are not wise enough to heed
the lessons of experience. The way
to prevent the abuse of the privileges
is to limit the permit in these in
stances to wholesaling.
The Young Turks want the moral
support of the United States. Turkey
is certainly progressing when the
country, or any part of it, comes to
recognize the value of moral support
and the inadequacy of periodical mas
sacre and summary executions to
bring about peace and harmony with
popular support of the government.
The Japanese government, it is re
ported, has dropped the sugar scandal
ior fear of getting into a sweet
mess.
A big automobile manufacturing
concern has just closed a deal which
involves a contract for disposing of
$50,000,000 worth of -the machines.
Who says that the American automo
bile industry is not becoming a big
thing?
A Chicago professor says that Nia
gara will run dry within 3,000 years.
Yeung people who are planning to go
there on their wedding tour should
hurry and get married before it’s ever
lastingly too late.
With the World’s
Great Humorists
Selections _frcm the XOritings of the “Best Kjnobun
Makers of Mirth.
A Charming Old Gentleman
By W. J. LAMPTON.
He was a charming old gentleman,
full of anecdote and reminiscence, and
so eager' to talk that he was almost
garrulous. Less elderly persons are
sometimes so. He had come to our
editorial sanctum sanctorum with a
letter from a friend and we had intro
duced him there to a professor of
anthropology who bad. without provo
cation, treated him to a dissertation
"A Dissertation cn Prehistoric Man.”
on prehistoric man. When the pro
fessor had departed the old gentleman
heaved a sigh of relief.
'Prehistoric man,” he said to us
cheerfully, "does not interest me at
all. What I like are living men, or, at
least, those who may, in comparison
with the professor’s acquaintances, be
called modern. Now I quite well re
member meeting Adam for example.
It was shortly after he had given up
his country place at Eden and moved
to town.
We said there was some room yet
in the world for that type of man.
"Speaking of types,” chirruped the
old gentleman, "reminds me of a call
1 made on President Roosevelt a few
de.ys before he retired from office. I
told him I thought he was the typical
American.
“ 'Typical I may be, old chap,’ he re
sponded in that manner which has so
endeared him to his enemies, 'but I’m
not the kind of type that is easy to
set.’ ”
We remarked upon Mr. Roosevelt's
broad knowledge which included even
printers’ terms and added mildly that
he was strenuous.
"Speaking of the strenuous,” the old
gentleman followed glibly, "reminds
me of what Julius Caesar said to me
on one occasion. It was in Rome and
he was looking out for No. 1 in his
usual vigorous manner. I asked him
why he had crossed the Rubicon.
“ 'By Jove,’ he said with a snap, ‘I
crossed it because it was too far to go
around. See?’”
We ventured the suggestion that
Napoleon might have said the same of
the Alps.
"Speaking of Napoleon,” the old
gentleman broke right in; “now there
was a man. 1 recall meeting him on
his return from Elba.
“ 'Hello, sire,’ I said familiarly, for
I had known him as a boy in Corsica,
‘you didn't like it on the snug little
isle, did you?’
“ ‘No, colonel,' he replied with that
perfect candor which charaetemed all
his utterances on important questions,
'I didn't. There wasn’t Elba room for
•ne there and I left the island.’ In
somewhat sly fashion I smiled at his
wit.
“ ‘Oh, that’s all right,’ he laughed. ‘I
didn't have to leave it. It wasn’t so
big that I couldn't have brought it
away with ine, but I had no further
use for it.’ ”
We said that Bonaparte was politic.
“Speaking of politics,” the old gen
tleman garruled on. “reminds me of a
question I once asked George Wash
ington. He had served his two terms
as president and had retired to Mount
Vernon, where I dined with him one
Sunday.
" ’General,’ I said to him as we sat
on the broad verandah overlooking
the Potomac drinking mint juleps that
were pure nectar, ‘did you really chop
down the cherry tree?’
“ ‘Don't ask me, my dear fellow,
| he begged. 'Once I might have been
unable to tell a lie, but I've been in
j politics a whole let since that time.’”
We intimated that Washington was
| a careful man.
“Speaking of careful men." the old
gentleman came up promptly, “re
| minds me of an experience I had not
long since with Mark Twain. He was
• smoking one of my 25-cent cigars at
! the time. I made a remark for the
express purpose of drawing a flash of
i his brilliant humor. He did not re
; spond in words, but winked slyly.
“ ‘1 catch on,’ he said nodding and
rubbing his hands, ’but I won’t say
what you want me to. I’ll write it and
get my established rate for it.’ ”
We intimated firmly but gently that
Mr. Clemens was becoming quite
thrifty with age.
“Speaking of age," chattered the old
gentleman, “reminds me of a story
Chauncey Depew told me the other—”
(Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.)
Two Strangers Attend a Show
By FRED C. KELLY.
And now we come to the case of the
two drummers. These drummers
started to stroil up the street from
their hotel one Sunday evening, won
dering if it might be possible to find
entertainment in a lid-on town.
They hadn't strolled far from the
hotel until they found themselves in
front of a vaudeville house.
“Well, w’ell,'’ observed one of the
drummers, gleefully, "here's just what
we're looking for—a good show. Some
how I'd got it into my head that there
weren't any shows running here on
Sunday, but I'm glad 1 was mistaken.
This looks good to me."
The other drummer said a show
would just about hit him. too. They
bought seats about half way down.
The orchestra was playing a fuzzy
waltz tune when they got seated that
neither of them had heard before.
“They're handing us out some brand
new stuff, anyway," remarked drum
mer No. 1. “They don't just play
‘The Merry Widow' waltz, like they do
in New York. Wish I'd thought to get
a program when we came in, though,
to see what it is they’re giving us.”
Then the curtain went up and a lot
of people came out and began to sing.
“Funny,” observed drummer No. 2,
"but I can’t understand a word they
say. Queer thing about songs. A fel
low can’t catch the words.”
By and by a comedian tripped in
and got off something. The audience
nearly hurt itself laughing.
But the drummers couldn't catch the
joke. And if there's anything that
makes a man sore it's to have a
crowd laughing at something he’s
missed.
"We didn't get our seats far enough
to the front,” complained one drum
mer, irritably. "I couldn't get what
that duck said at all.”
“Naw,” snapped his companion.
“The fact is, 1 haven't caught a word
that's been said. Certainly is a rot
ten show.”
"Suppose we sneak out,” suggested
the other drummer. “I never tried to
"You Had Your Nerve with You.”
sit through such a fierce show. The
jokes are so involved you can’t even
spot an old one.”
A moment later they filed out to the
box office.
“That's a hot show, I don't think,”
observed one of the pair, sarcastically,
as he stuck his head through the win
dow at the ticket seller. "You had
your nerve with you to sell a fellow a
ticket for that.”
"Don't you care for German opera?”
inquired the man with a grin.
Why Is a Plumber’s Bill?
By J. W. FOLEY.
i ne plumber had a rush order for
9 a. m. at No. 3343 Elm street.
There was a leak in the water supply
pipe to the kitchen sink.
“There is no hurry,1’ he observed to
the helper, “for our time is going on
just the same.”
The helper checked his pace to ac
cord with the plumper's, fcr he was a
very young man and enthusiastic.
“I wonder if I forgot that small
wrench,” mused the plumber, as they
neared No. 3343.
"Let’s look in the kit,” suggested the
helper. "If it's not there. I'll hurry
right back and get it.”
The plumber frowned. "How many
times have I told you to cut out that
word ‘Hurry?’” he said crossly.
"1 forgot,” explained the helper in
an apologetic tone.
Eventually they reached the back
door of No. 3343 and the maid ad
mitted them. “The water's leaking
"What Do You Gst for Plumbing?”
Asked the Maid Timidly.
all over tay floor,” she explained in
some anxiety. She said “my” floor
because she was the maid and it was
hers for that week, anyway.
The iilumher, apparently, was not
much interested, for he filled his pipe
and lighted a little fire in a kettle he
carried in his hand. Over the top of
the fire he placed a number of tongs
and pincers. Then he lighted his pipe
and leaned over, the kitchen table,
where the sporting page had been used
as a table cover.
"Young Jenks'U put out 'Sliver' Jones
in two rounds,” he observed to the
helper, while the maid put another
dish towel compress on the leaky
pipe.
"The leak’s getting bigger,” said the
maid.
"Of course it is,” agreed the plum
ber. "They always do.”
When he haii finished with the sport
ing page he opened the Kit.
"It ain't here,’’ he observed.
“What?” said the helper.
"The small wrench,” said the
plumber.
"We’ve got an adjustable wrench in
the cellar that will fit any pipe,” said
the maid gladly. The plumber checked
her with a dark frown. “I can’t put
none but my own tools on the job,” he
said sternly. "Go back to the shop
and bring the little wrench,’Jimmy.”
The helper started on the run for
the door.
“Jimmy!”
The plumber's tone was ominous.
Jimmy reduced his speed to plumber's
rates.
The plumber blew up his fire and
found a pink sheet in the coal scuttle.
He moved a chair over by the stove
and read placidly. The drip of water
did not disturb him for he was used
to it.
"What do you get for plumbing?”
said the maid timidly.
"Seventy cents an hour,” responded
the plumber gruffly.
"And for waiting?” suggested the
anaid.
The plumber scowled. “I ain’t wait
ing here because 1 want to," he mut
tered. "I’m waiting because I have to.
The kid forgot some of my tools.”
The kitchen clock ticked cff the
minutes at a little over a cent apiece.
The maid wrung out another dish
towel with which to poultice the leak.
The plumber yawned and dropped
the pink sheet. Then he knocked out
his pipe on the floor.
“Would you like to look at the
leak?” inquired the maid.
"Naw," said the plumber. “I’ve seen
more’n a million leaks. I’ve stopped
more’n a million of ’em. too.”
“Absent treatment?” suggested the
maid, who was a pert thing.
Jimmy returned with the wrench
at 11:45. The plumber took it leisure
lv, gave the pipe a twist, dabbed on
some solder and sizzled it with a hot
iron.
Then he spilled some bits of hot
solder on the floor and stepped on
them for the maid's benefit.
Jimmy gathered up the parapher
nalia and they started back for the
shop.
When the bill wrent in it read:
5 hours’ services, plumber. .$3.50
5 hours’ services, helper... 1.25
Solder.015
Total.$4.80
“You’re a lucky kid, Jimmy,” said the
plumber on the way back to the shop
“There ain’t many kids got the chance
you have—to be a plumber.”
(Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.!
"German? Huh? Say, is that it?
And that orchestra piece I thought
was a waltz w as a valse?”
“I'm glad to know I was sober all
that time, anyway,” spoke up the oth
er drummer with a sigh of relief.
"The only German word 1 ever did
know is 'gesundheit,' and 1 don't know
what that one means."
(Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.)
World’s Most Exclusive Club
English Joy That There Is One Door
Riches Won’t Unlock.
The Royal Yacht Squadron is prob
ably the most exclusive club in exist
ence, says the Gentlewoman, and won
ierful to relate in this plutocratic age
noney is quite powerless to unlock
he charmed portals cf the castle.
One or two millionaires with splen
did yachts have tried in vain to pass
the ordeal of the periodical ballot,
while men of no fortune or only just
enough to defray the upkeep of a small
yacht have been elected without an
idea of a blackball.
The only apparent qualification is
that th£ candidate must possess a
yacht of his own; but there are other
qualifications much more difficult of
attainment by the man of money, and
it is just here that the question of
blackballing comes in, it must be
owned, rather refreshingly.
For really one had almost said that
there is no social "holy of holies” into
which he who is rich cannot penetrate,
until one recalls the pleasant circle of
gentlemen who go to make up the
Royal Yacht Squadron. There is, one
remembers gratefully, just one insti
tution left to which the mystic words
"I am rich” do not have the effect of
an “open sesame.”
Dr. Rupert Blue, passed assistant surgeon of
the public health and marine hospital service,
deserves well ol' the people of this country. ■ His
campaign against the plague in San Francisco has
been successful, and it is announced that the city
by the Golden Gate is to-day not only free from
the plague, but perhaps the most healthful city of
its size in the country. When Dr. Blue was called
to take charge of the campaign against the plague
it threatened to not only devastate the city, but to
sweep in a deadly wave across the continent.
Five million lives had been the ghastly toll
collected in India, and it had obtained a foothold
on every continent of the globe. The story of the
I threatening situation was carefully suppressed in
San Francisco, but the death list was jumping
skyward with fearful leaps. Radical, fearless
measures were needed, and these Dr. Blue put into effect regardless of pro
tests. He worked through a citizens’ health committee, and with such tact
that a skeptical community became one big organization of enthusiastic help
ers. The quarantine, fear of which had led the city to appeal to the nation
for help, did not prove necessary. The disease-laden rats and fleas that had
spread the contagion were eliminated, the germ-preserving earthquake debris
was swept away, and the menace of the advancing death has been stopped.
FIRST GERMAN ADMIRAL
Admiral von Koester is at the present mo
ment one of the little knot of individuals whose
names are sufficient to spoil the night sleep of
the haughty Eriton with horrible dreams. There
are others—a few—but responsible for most night
mares is this von Koester person.
For the one great fear that is whitening the
hair of the Englishman at home just now is the
probability that Germany is preparing to jump
across the channel and lay violent hands upon
Dame Britannia. The kaiser may do it by a gen
eral attack on land and sea. He may send over
a fleet of airships under command of Aerial Ad
miral von Zeppelin. That possibility throws the
average Englishman into a fit of deep thought
■ .'^1 jlfTfffrTr17? when he reads the newspaper accounts about von
Zeppelin's circus feats with his air craft. But
most likely it will be a water campaign. It is admitted that Germany has
rather caught John Bull napping in the navy business. While the Britons
had almost stopped the building of big ships, the Germans have been adding
to their fleet of deadly craft with ominous speed and earnestness.
The German navy to-day is big and modern enough to make any ether
nation stop and think. And von Koester is its first admiral; the "great
admiral" he is affectionately and proudly termed by his countrymen. In case
of a war upon the sea he will undoubtedly be the commander-in-chief of the
German naval forces.
UNAWED BY CONGRESS
This Ohioan has the record of being the most
precocious “new congressman" in the history of
the house of representatives. It is customary for
new members to sit back and listen for many
months after they come to Washington. Some re
main silent all through their first session in the
house. Mr. J. M. Ccx was not unfamiliar’with
Washington when he came there. He had done
newspaper work in the city some years before.
So he was not in the least awed by his surround
ings. and when he discovered. 14 days after he
became a member, that he had something to say
to the house, he got up and said it. No new
member ever made a speech 14 days after his
initiation, and Mr. Cox’s record will probably re
uiiuiHiinnm,' /w main unbroken. Mr. Cox is the publisher ot two
of Ohio’s liveliest newspapers—the Dayton News
and the Springfield News. He is just putting up at Dayton a nev; home for
his paper, in which he will introduce some unique ideas in sanitation. Mr.
Cox will have even sanitary desks in his office, and every reporter and editor
will be required to keep his desk clear of all rubbish. Every night the men.
who clean the editorial room will throw into the waste everything found on
the tops of the desks—even one of Mr. Cox's editorials, if it happens to be
overlooked. In addition to editing two newspapers and being a member of
congress. Mr. Cox was chairman of the committee which had the Wright
brothers celebration in charge.
SETTLED STREET CAR STRIKE
Senator ••Jim” McNichol, the man who settled
the big Philadelphia street-car strike after the
public officials and almost everybody else had
failed, is the political boss of the Quaker city.
He is only a member of the state senate, officially
considered. In a business way he is the head of
a firm of contractors that does much public work
at a reasonable profit.
Politically, however, he is a power of the
greater magnitude. He makes mayors, congress
men, judges, police chiefs and public issues with
a wave of his hand. In the present instance the
city was upon the edge of a primary election.
There was some fear that the public, the voting
public, might have reached a point of resentment
v r» miifiwinMiiiiiir over me striKe mat would affect the results at the
polls. The men who had been walking to work
and back because of the strike, and whose sympathies were for the most part
with the strikers, might be carried away to such an extent that they would
forget their allegiance to their respective parties and disarrange things. It
was better to have the strike settled before the polls opened.
So Senator Jim got the leaders of both sides together, fraught all his
influence to bear, drew up a compromise agreement, and induced both sides
to sign it. The strike was over.
WOULD MOVE PENN’S REMAINS
Representative A. Mitchell Palmer of Penn
sylvania is one of the six members of the house
affiliated with the Society of Friends, which is
planning a movement to have the United States
bring the coffin containing all that is mortal of
v\ illiam Penn to this country and have it interred
on the banks of the Delaware.
The suggestion was recently made to Mr.
Palmer by a constituent, who is a Friend, and
who believes that the time is opportune for such
action. The body of Penn now reposes in a prac
tically abandoned cemetery in Buckinghamshire,
England, and considering his distinguished career,
is not appropriately marked. Mr. Palmer contem
plates going about the business in a practical way
var/mm/x i£\ h’winium add intends to submit the proposition to the presi
dent, ascertain his views, and, if it is possible, get
the support of Jlr. Taft. He also proposes to enlist the aid of Secretary
Knox. The removal of Penn's body will have as a precedent the action taken
by this government in the disinterring of the body of John Paul Jones from a
cemetery in P$ris and its reburial at Annapolis.
•
Used a Longer and Uglier Word.
While Herman Whitaker was in
Mexico, gathering material for his
much-discussed novel, “The Planter,”
he wrote an article describing the
cruelties of the plantation which, be
fore it could be printed in a City of
Mexico newspaper, had to be cen
sored by the minister of in
terior affairs. That open-minded
gentleman having signified, not
only his tolerance but his ap
proval, Mr. Whitaker marched with
the article to the editor. The latter
I read it grimly. "I'll give you three
days to make El Paso, Tex., he said,
"before I bring it out. If you don’t go
the government may decide to throw
you into jail until you prove a few
charges of murder.” "So out I got.”
Mr. Whitaker told a friend. “When
the article came out it brought the
storm. Planter after planter rose up
to call me liar, and that wasn't all.
The paper discovered that it had made
a mistake in attacking a vested inter
est, and sent a man down there with
a pail of whitewash and an extra large
brush. The business was all painted
white again; and I, who had cftn
demned it not on sentimental grounds
at all, mind you, but as bad economics
—I was not called a liar, oh no! but
merely put down for a harmless hu
manitarian."
Why did they introduce girl wait
ers in the new restaurant?”
"Possibly because they thought girl
waiters would be more fetching.”
/
THIRD
OPERATION
PREVENTED
By Lydia E. Pinkham’s Veg=
etable Compound
Chicago, III —“I want to tell yon
what Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable
Compound did for me. I was so sick
that two of the best doctors in Chicago
said I would die if I did not have an
operation. 1 bad
already had two
operations, and
they wanted me to
go through a third
one. I suffered day
and night from in
flammation and a
small tumor, and
never thought < f
seeing a well day
again. A friend
told me how Lydia
I *» E. Pmkham s v eg
etable Compound bad helped her, and
I tried it, and after the third bottle
was cured.”—Mrs. An vena SperllnC4,
II Langdon Street, Chicago, 111.
If you are ill do not drag along at
home or in your place of employment
v.ntil an operation is necessary, but
build up the feminine system, and re
move the cause of those distressing
aches and pains by taking Lydia E.
Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs.
For thirty years it has been the stan
dard remedy for female ills, and ha3
positively restored the health of thou
sandsof women who have been troubled
with displaceraents, inflammation, ul
ceration, Sbroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, bearing-down
feeling, flatulency, indigestion, dizzi
ness. or nervous prostration. Why
don’t you try it?
ACCENT CN THE “PUS.”
Teacher—Now, Jimmy Green, can
you tell me what an octopus is?
Jimmy Green—Yes, sir; it's an
eight-sided cat.
SORE EYES CURED.
Eye-Balls and Lids Became Terribly
Inflamed—Was Unable to Go About
—All Other Treatments Failed, But
Cuticura Proved Successful.
'‘About two years ago my eyes got
in such a condition that I was unable
to go about. They were terribly in
flamed, both the balls and lids. I
tried home remedies without relief.
Then I decided to go to our family
physician, but he didn’t help them.
Then I tried two more of our most
prominent physicians, but my eyes
grew continually worse. At this time
a friend of mine advised me to try
Cuticura Ointment, and after using it
about one week my eyes were con
siderably improved, and in two weeks
they were almost well. They have
never given me any trouble since and
I am now' sixty-five years old. I shall
always praise Cuticura. G. B. Halsey.
Mouth of Wilson, Va., Apr. 4. 1908.”
Potter Drag & Chem. Corp., Solo Props., Boston
Great Improvement.
The patient, told the doctor all his
symptoms. At the end of the recital
the medical man looked severe.
"My dear sir,” he said, "you must
gradually give up whisky and soda.”
Some months later he met the pa
tient and inquired whether the advice
had been followed.
"To the letter,” replied the patient,
beaming. “Why, I’ve already given up
soda completely!”
How He Stood Up for Him.
Dolan—So Casey was running me
down an' ye stood up for me?
Calahan—Oi did; Oi siz to him:
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