Loup City Northwestern J. W. BURLEIGH, Publisher LOUP CITY, - - NEBRASKA LEGAL STATUS OF THE SCREAM. In obtaining a legal determination of the value of a scream. Miss Grace Reals of Chicago has performed a dis tinguished service for her sex. Miss Reals, who is an actress, sued a drug gist for injury to her vocal chords, al leged to have been caused through a mistake in filling a prescription, and has been awarded $5,000, says the Pittsburg Gazette-Times. The jury was told that in emotional roles, when the villain became perniciously active, Miss Reals had to engage an other woman to do the screaming for her. The jury agreed that a scream less actress is sadly handicapped in her art. but its verdict should afford protection to women other than those who follow the profession of the stage. No woman can go safely and happily through life without a scream. From mice to burglars, there is a broad variety of emergencies, each re quiring its owns scream of peculiar intensity. There are married men of long experience who claim to be able to tell from the tone of a scream whether there is a mouse in the re frigerator or little Johnny has tumbled into the well. The occupants of a Kansas City flat building were saved from a horrible death by the scream of a woman, which summoned the fire department. Therefore, an impairment of her vocal chords which interferes with her natural screaming powers is easily worth $5,000. In fact, the Chi cago druggist who is to pay that sum to Miss Reals may congratulate him self on getting off so lightly'. The speed test of the new scout cruisers Chester, Salem and Birming ham resulted in conspicuous victory for the first-named, which in a 24-hour trip made an average of 25.50 knots per hour, her competitor, the Salem, reporting an average of 24.54. The of ficers of the Chester assert she could have done still better but for a slight fault in one of her turbines, which can be readily remedied, says the Troy Times. The Birmingham dropped out when the contest was half over, some impairment to the machinery rendering this necessary. But with thorough "tuning up” there seems to be no doubt that the three vessels will be valuable additions to ships of their class, the function of which will be to scour the sea and do it with alacrity. The letting of the contract for con structing the railroad to run from Arica, Chile, to La Paz, Bolivia, is an other striking indication of the prog ress made in uniting the three Ameri cas. The new line, to cost $15,000, 000, will cross the Andes mountains at a height of 12,000 feet above the level of the sea and is to be part of the longitudinal system which is to tra verse practically the entire length of Chile, 3,000 miles or more. And it will be an important link in that enormous ly greater system which in time will make it possible to travel by rail from the United States to the extreme of South America. The late Hinton Rowan Helper should have taken heart of grace, seeing how rapidly his idea was materializing. The American army mule is a valu able and useful beast, as has often been demonstrated, and he is holding his own, with no kick coming. The government stands by him. Orders have just been issued that army offi cers going to and from San Francisco and the military reservation near that city must ride' in conveyances drawn by army mules and not automobiles. The officers formed the automobile habit at the time of the earthquake and as a matter of emergency and ne cessity. But the government regards the good old reliable mule as quite adequate to ordinary conditions, and so the animal comes back to his for mer dignity. Residents of New York city are ask ing why, in the face of the casualty records of last year, and the growing movement for a safe and sane Fourth of July, the fire commissioner of that city has issued fifteen hundred permits for the sale of fireworks. This is in consistency worthy of note; although even in cases where cities have rigid ordinances against the use of fireworks within their limits, dealers may be permitted to sell fireworks to outsid ers who are not wise enough to heed the lessons of experience. The way to prevent the abuse of the privileges is to limit the permit in these in stances to wholesaling. The Young Turks want the moral support of the United States. Turkey is certainly progressing when the country, or any part of it, comes to recognize the value of moral support and the inadequacy of periodical mas sacre and summary executions to bring about peace and harmony with popular support of the government. The Japanese government, it is re ported, has dropped the sugar scandal ior fear of getting into a sweet mess. A big automobile manufacturing concern has just closed a deal which involves a contract for disposing of $50,000,000 worth of -the machines. Who says that the American automo bile industry is not becoming a big thing? A Chicago professor says that Nia gara will run dry within 3,000 years. Yeung people who are planning to go there on their wedding tour should hurry and get married before it’s ever lastingly too late. With the World’s Great Humorists Selections _frcm the XOritings of the “Best Kjnobun Makers of Mirth. A Charming Old Gentleman By W. J. LAMPTON. He was a charming old gentleman, full of anecdote and reminiscence, and so eager' to talk that he was almost garrulous. Less elderly persons are sometimes so. He had come to our editorial sanctum sanctorum with a letter from a friend and we had intro duced him there to a professor of anthropology who bad. without provo cation, treated him to a dissertation "A Dissertation cn Prehistoric Man.” on prehistoric man. When the pro fessor had departed the old gentleman heaved a sigh of relief. 'Prehistoric man,” he said to us cheerfully, "does not interest me at all. What I like are living men, or, at least, those who may, in comparison with the professor’s acquaintances, be called modern. Now I quite well re member meeting Adam for example. It was shortly after he had given up his country place at Eden and moved to town. We said there was some room yet in the world for that type of man. "Speaking of types,” chirruped the old gentleman, "reminds me of a call 1 made on President Roosevelt a few de.ys before he retired from office. I told him I thought he was the typical American. “ 'Typical I may be, old chap,’ he re sponded in that manner which has so endeared him to his enemies, 'but I’m not the kind of type that is easy to set.’ ” We remarked upon Mr. Roosevelt's broad knowledge which included even printers’ terms and added mildly that he was strenuous. "Speaking of the strenuous,” the old gentleman followed glibly, "reminds me of what Julius Caesar said to me on one occasion. It was in Rome and he was looking out for No. 1 in his usual vigorous manner. I asked him why he had crossed the Rubicon. “ 'By Jove,’ he said with a snap, ‘I crossed it because it was too far to go around. See?’” We ventured the suggestion that Napoleon might have said the same of the Alps. "Speaking of Napoleon,” the old gentleman broke right in; “now there was a man. 1 recall meeting him on his return from Elba. “ 'Hello, sire,’ I said familiarly, for I had known him as a boy in Corsica, ‘you didn't like it on the snug little isle, did you?’ “ ‘No, colonel,' he replied with that perfect candor which charaetemed all his utterances on important questions, 'I didn't. There wasn’t Elba room for •ne there and I left the island.’ In somewhat sly fashion I smiled at his wit. “ ‘Oh, that’s all right,’ he laughed. ‘I didn't have to leave it. It wasn’t so big that I couldn't have brought it away with ine, but I had no further use for it.’ ” We said that Bonaparte was politic. “Speaking of politics,” the old gen tleman garruled on. “reminds me of a question I once asked George Wash ington. He had served his two terms as president and had retired to Mount Vernon, where I dined with him one Sunday. " ’General,’ I said to him as we sat on the broad verandah overlooking the Potomac drinking mint juleps that were pure nectar, ‘did you really chop down the cherry tree?’ “ ‘Don't ask me, my dear fellow, | he begged. 'Once I might have been unable to tell a lie, but I've been in j politics a whole let since that time.’” We intimated that Washington was | a careful man. “Speaking of careful men." the old gentleman came up promptly, “re | minds me of an experience I had not long since with Mark Twain. He was • smoking one of my 25-cent cigars at ! the time. I made a remark for the express purpose of drawing a flash of i his brilliant humor. He did not re ; spond in words, but winked slyly. “ ‘1 catch on,’ he said nodding and rubbing his hands, ’but I won’t say what you want me to. I’ll write it and get my established rate for it.’ ” We intimated firmly but gently that Mr. Clemens was becoming quite thrifty with age. “Speaking of age," chattered the old gentleman, “reminds me of a story Chauncey Depew told me the other—” (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) Two Strangers Attend a Show By FRED C. KELLY. And now we come to the case of the two drummers. These drummers started to stroil up the street from their hotel one Sunday evening, won dering if it might be possible to find entertainment in a lid-on town. They hadn't strolled far from the hotel until they found themselves in front of a vaudeville house. “Well, w’ell,'’ observed one of the drummers, gleefully, "here's just what we're looking for—a good show. Some how I'd got it into my head that there weren't any shows running here on Sunday, but I'm glad 1 was mistaken. This looks good to me." The other drummer said a show would just about hit him. too. They bought seats about half way down. The orchestra was playing a fuzzy waltz tune when they got seated that neither of them had heard before. “They're handing us out some brand new stuff, anyway," remarked drum mer No. 1. “They don't just play ‘The Merry Widow' waltz, like they do in New York. Wish I'd thought to get a program when we came in, though, to see what it is they’re giving us.” Then the curtain went up and a lot of people came out and began to sing. “Funny,” observed drummer No. 2, "but I can’t understand a word they say. Queer thing about songs. A fel low can’t catch the words.” By and by a comedian tripped in and got off something. The audience nearly hurt itself laughing. But the drummers couldn't catch the joke. And if there's anything that makes a man sore it's to have a crowd laughing at something he’s missed. "We didn't get our seats far enough to the front,” complained one drum mer, irritably. "I couldn't get what that duck said at all.” “Naw,” snapped his companion. “The fact is, 1 haven't caught a word that's been said. Certainly is a rot ten show.” "Suppose we sneak out,” suggested the other drummer. “I never tried to "You Had Your Nerve with You.” sit through such a fierce show. The jokes are so involved you can’t even spot an old one.” A moment later they filed out to the box office. “That's a hot show, I don't think,” observed one of the pair, sarcastically, as he stuck his head through the win dow at the ticket seller. "You had your nerve with you to sell a fellow a ticket for that.” "Don't you care for German opera?” inquired the man with a grin. Why Is a Plumber’s Bill? By J. W. FOLEY. i ne plumber had a rush order for 9 a. m. at No. 3343 Elm street. There was a leak in the water supply pipe to the kitchen sink. “There is no hurry,1’ he observed to the helper, “for our time is going on just the same.” The helper checked his pace to ac cord with the plumper's, fcr he was a very young man and enthusiastic. “I wonder if I forgot that small wrench,” mused the plumber, as they neared No. 3343. "Let’s look in the kit,” suggested the helper. "If it's not there. I'll hurry right back and get it.” The plumber frowned. "How many times have I told you to cut out that word ‘Hurry?’” he said crossly. "1 forgot,” explained the helper in an apologetic tone. Eventually they reached the back door of No. 3343 and the maid ad mitted them. “The water's leaking "What Do You Gst for Plumbing?” Asked the Maid Timidly. all over tay floor,” she explained in some anxiety. She said “my” floor because she was the maid and it was hers for that week, anyway. The iilumher, apparently, was not much interested, for he filled his pipe and lighted a little fire in a kettle he carried in his hand. Over the top of the fire he placed a number of tongs and pincers. Then he lighted his pipe and leaned over, the kitchen table, where the sporting page had been used as a table cover. "Young Jenks'U put out 'Sliver' Jones in two rounds,” he observed to the helper, while the maid put another dish towel compress on the leaky pipe. "The leak’s getting bigger,” said the maid. "Of course it is,” agreed the plum ber. "They always do.” When he haii finished with the sport ing page he opened the Kit. "It ain't here,’’ he observed. “What?” said the helper. "The small wrench,” said the plumber. "We’ve got an adjustable wrench in the cellar that will fit any pipe,” said the maid gladly. The plumber checked her with a dark frown. “I can’t put none but my own tools on the job,” he said sternly. "Go back to the shop and bring the little wrench,’Jimmy.” The helper started on the run for the door. “Jimmy!” The plumber's tone was ominous. Jimmy reduced his speed to plumber's rates. The plumber blew up his fire and found a pink sheet in the coal scuttle. He moved a chair over by the stove and read placidly. The drip of water did not disturb him for he was used to it. "What do you get for plumbing?” said the maid timidly. "Seventy cents an hour,” responded the plumber gruffly. "And for waiting?” suggested the anaid. The plumber scowled. “I ain’t wait ing here because 1 want to," he mut tered. "I’m waiting because I have to. The kid forgot some of my tools.” The kitchen clock ticked cff the minutes at a little over a cent apiece. The maid wrung out another dish towel with which to poultice the leak. The plumber yawned and dropped the pink sheet. Then he knocked out his pipe on the floor. “Would you like to look at the leak?” inquired the maid. "Naw," said the plumber. “I’ve seen more’n a million leaks. I’ve stopped more’n a million of ’em. too.” “Absent treatment?” suggested the maid, who was a pert thing. Jimmy returned with the wrench at 11:45. The plumber took it leisure lv, gave the pipe a twist, dabbed on some solder and sizzled it with a hot iron. Then he spilled some bits of hot solder on the floor and stepped on them for the maid's benefit. Jimmy gathered up the parapher nalia and they started back for the shop. When the bill wrent in it read: 5 hours’ services, plumber. .$3.50 5 hours’ services, helper... 1.25 Solder.015 Total.$4.80 “You’re a lucky kid, Jimmy,” said the plumber on the way back to the shop “There ain’t many kids got the chance you have—to be a plumber.” (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.! "German? Huh? Say, is that it? And that orchestra piece I thought was a waltz w as a valse?” “I'm glad to know I was sober all that time, anyway,” spoke up the oth er drummer with a sigh of relief. "The only German word 1 ever did know is 'gesundheit,' and 1 don't know what that one means." (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) World’s Most Exclusive Club English Joy That There Is One Door Riches Won’t Unlock. The Royal Yacht Squadron is prob ably the most exclusive club in exist ence, says the Gentlewoman, and won ierful to relate in this plutocratic age noney is quite powerless to unlock he charmed portals cf the castle. One or two millionaires with splen did yachts have tried in vain to pass the ordeal of the periodical ballot, while men of no fortune or only just enough to defray the upkeep of a small yacht have been elected without an idea of a blackball. The only apparent qualification is that th£ candidate must possess a yacht of his own; but there are other qualifications much more difficult of attainment by the man of money, and it is just here that the question of blackballing comes in, it must be owned, rather refreshingly. For really one had almost said that there is no social "holy of holies” into which he who is rich cannot penetrate, until one recalls the pleasant circle of gentlemen who go to make up the Royal Yacht Squadron. There is, one remembers gratefully, just one insti tution left to which the mystic words "I am rich” do not have the effect of an “open sesame.” Dr. Rupert Blue, passed assistant surgeon of the public health and marine hospital service, deserves well ol' the people of this country. ■ His campaign against the plague in San Francisco has been successful, and it is announced that the city by the Golden Gate is to-day not only free from the plague, but perhaps the most healthful city of its size in the country. When Dr. Blue was called to take charge of the campaign against the plague it threatened to not only devastate the city, but to sweep in a deadly wave across the continent. Five million lives had been the ghastly toll collected in India, and it had obtained a foothold on every continent of the globe. The story of the I threatening situation was carefully suppressed in San Francisco, but the death list was jumping skyward with fearful leaps. Radical, fearless measures were needed, and these Dr. Blue put into effect regardless of pro tests. He worked through a citizens’ health committee, and with such tact that a skeptical community became one big organization of enthusiastic help ers. The quarantine, fear of which had led the city to appeal to the nation for help, did not prove necessary. The disease-laden rats and fleas that had spread the contagion were eliminated, the germ-preserving earthquake debris was swept away, and the menace of the advancing death has been stopped. FIRST GERMAN ADMIRAL Admiral von Koester is at the present mo ment one of the little knot of individuals whose names are sufficient to spoil the night sleep of the haughty Eriton with horrible dreams. There are others—a few—but responsible for most night mares is this von Koester person. For the one great fear that is whitening the hair of the Englishman at home just now is the probability that Germany is preparing to jump across the channel and lay violent hands upon Dame Britannia. The kaiser may do it by a gen eral attack on land and sea. He may send over a fleet of airships under command of Aerial Ad miral von Zeppelin. That possibility throws the average Englishman into a fit of deep thought ■ .'^1 jlfTfffrTr17? when he reads the newspaper accounts about von Zeppelin's circus feats with his air craft. But most likely it will be a water campaign. It is admitted that Germany has rather caught John Bull napping in the navy business. While the Britons had almost stopped the building of big ships, the Germans have been adding to their fleet of deadly craft with ominous speed and earnestness. The German navy to-day is big and modern enough to make any ether nation stop and think. And von Koester is its first admiral; the "great admiral" he is affectionately and proudly termed by his countrymen. In case of a war upon the sea he will undoubtedly be the commander-in-chief of the German naval forces. UNAWED BY CONGRESS This Ohioan has the record of being the most precocious “new congressman" in the history of the house of representatives. It is customary for new members to sit back and listen for many months after they come to Washington. Some re main silent all through their first session in the house. Mr. J. M. Ccx was not unfamiliar’with Washington when he came there. He had done newspaper work in the city some years before. So he was not in the least awed by his surround ings. and when he discovered. 14 days after he became a member, that he had something to say to the house, he got up and said it. No new member ever made a speech 14 days after his initiation, and Mr. Cox’s record will probably re uiiuiHiinnm,' /w main unbroken. Mr. Cox is the publisher ot two of Ohio’s liveliest newspapers—the Dayton News and the Springfield News. He is just putting up at Dayton a nev; home for his paper, in which he will introduce some unique ideas in sanitation. Mr. Cox will have even sanitary desks in his office, and every reporter and editor will be required to keep his desk clear of all rubbish. Every night the men. who clean the editorial room will throw into the waste everything found on the tops of the desks—even one of Mr. Cox's editorials, if it happens to be overlooked. In addition to editing two newspapers and being a member of congress. Mr. Cox was chairman of the committee which had the Wright brothers celebration in charge. SETTLED STREET CAR STRIKE Senator ••Jim” McNichol, the man who settled the big Philadelphia street-car strike after the public officials and almost everybody else had failed, is the political boss of the Quaker city. He is only a member of the state senate, officially considered. In a business way he is the head of a firm of contractors that does much public work at a reasonable profit. Politically, however, he is a power of the greater magnitude. He makes mayors, congress men, judges, police chiefs and public issues with a wave of his hand. In the present instance the city was upon the edge of a primary election. There was some fear that the public, the voting public, might have reached a point of resentment v r» miifiwinMiiiiiir over me striKe mat would affect the results at the polls. The men who had been walking to work and back because of the strike, and whose sympathies were for the most part with the strikers, might be carried away to such an extent that they would forget their allegiance to their respective parties and disarrange things. It was better to have the strike settled before the polls opened. So Senator Jim got the leaders of both sides together, fraught all his influence to bear, drew up a compromise agreement, and induced both sides to sign it. The strike was over. WOULD MOVE PENN’S REMAINS Representative A. Mitchell Palmer of Penn sylvania is one of the six members of the house affiliated with the Society of Friends, which is planning a movement to have the United States bring the coffin containing all that is mortal of v\ illiam Penn to this country and have it interred on the banks of the Delaware. The suggestion was recently made to Mr. Palmer by a constituent, who is a Friend, and who believes that the time is opportune for such action. The body of Penn now reposes in a prac tically abandoned cemetery in Buckinghamshire, England, and considering his distinguished career, is not appropriately marked. Mr. Palmer contem plates going about the business in a practical way var/mm/x i£\ h’winium add intends to submit the proposition to the presi dent, ascertain his views, and, if it is possible, get the support of Jlr. Taft. He also proposes to enlist the aid of Secretary Knox. The removal of Penn's body will have as a precedent the action taken by this government in the disinterring of the body of John Paul Jones from a cemetery in P$ris and its reburial at Annapolis. • Used a Longer and Uglier Word. While Herman Whitaker was in Mexico, gathering material for his much-discussed novel, “The Planter,” he wrote an article describing the cruelties of the plantation which, be fore it could be printed in a City of Mexico newspaper, had to be cen sored by the minister of in terior affairs. That open-minded gentleman having signified, not only his tolerance but his ap proval, Mr. Whitaker marched with the article to the editor. The latter I read it grimly. "I'll give you three days to make El Paso, Tex., he said, "before I bring it out. If you don’t go the government may decide to throw you into jail until you prove a few charges of murder.” "So out I got.” Mr. Whitaker told a friend. “When the article came out it brought the storm. Planter after planter rose up to call me liar, and that wasn't all. The paper discovered that it had made a mistake in attacking a vested inter est, and sent a man down there with a pail of whitewash and an extra large brush. The business was all painted white again; and I, who had cftn demned it not on sentimental grounds at all, mind you, but as bad economics —I was not called a liar, oh no! but merely put down for a harmless hu manitarian." Why did they introduce girl wait ers in the new restaurant?” "Possibly because they thought girl waiters would be more fetching.” / THIRD OPERATION PREVENTED By Lydia E. Pinkham’s Veg= etable Compound Chicago, III —“I want to tell yon what Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound did for me. I was so sick that two of the best doctors in Chicago said I would die if I did not have an operation. 1 bad already had two operations, and they wanted me to go through a third one. I suffered day and night from in flammation and a small tumor, and never thought < f seeing a well day again. A friend told me how Lydia I *» E. Pmkham s v eg etable Compound bad helped her, and I tried it, and after the third bottle was cured.”—Mrs. An vena SperllnC4, II Langdon Street, Chicago, 111. If you are ill do not drag along at home or in your place of employment v.ntil an operation is necessary, but build up the feminine system, and re move the cause of those distressing aches and pains by taking Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, made from roots and herbs. For thirty years it has been the stan dard remedy for female ills, and ha3 positively restored the health of thou sandsof women who have been troubled with displaceraents, inflammation, ul ceration, Sbroid tumors, irregularities, periodic pains, backache, bearing-down feeling, flatulency, indigestion, dizzi ness. or nervous prostration. Why don’t you try it? ACCENT CN THE “PUS.” Teacher—Now, Jimmy Green, can you tell me what an octopus is? Jimmy Green—Yes, sir; it's an eight-sided cat. SORE EYES CURED. Eye-Balls and Lids Became Terribly Inflamed—Was Unable to Go About —All Other Treatments Failed, But Cuticura Proved Successful. '‘About two years ago my eyes got in such a condition that I was unable to go about. They were terribly in flamed, both the balls and lids. I tried home remedies without relief. Then I decided to go to our family physician, but he didn’t help them. Then I tried two more of our most prominent physicians, but my eyes grew continually worse. At this time a friend of mine advised me to try Cuticura Ointment, and after using it about one week my eyes were con siderably improved, and in two weeks they were almost well. They have never given me any trouble since and I am now' sixty-five years old. I shall always praise Cuticura. G. B. Halsey. Mouth of Wilson, Va., Apr. 4. 1908.” Potter Drag & Chem. Corp., Solo Props., Boston Great Improvement. The patient, told the doctor all his symptoms. At the end of the recital the medical man looked severe. "My dear sir,” he said, "you must gradually give up whisky and soda.” Some months later he met the pa tient and inquired whether the advice had been followed. "To the letter,” replied the patient, beaming. “Why, I’ve already given up soda completely!” How He Stood Up for Him. Dolan—So Casey was running me down an' ye stood up for me? Calahan—Oi did; Oi siz to him: "Casey, ye’re no coward—and ye work hard an' pay yer dibts—an' we don't get drunk an’ lick yer woife—but in other despects ye’re no better than Dolon!”—Puck. Use Allen's Foot-Ease. It is the onl> relief for Swollen Smart ing. Tired, Ac.ling, Hot. Sweating ltd, Corns and Bunions. Ask for Allen s Foot Ease, a powder to be shaken into tht shoes. Cures while you walk. At all Drug gists anti Shoe Stores, 25c. Don't at i • i t any substitute. Sample sent FREE. Ad dress, Allen S. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. V. A youngster describes heathens as "folks who don't fight over religion ' Many who used to smoke 10c cigars are tv v smoking Lewis’ Single Binder straight . Your country manufactured 25,000 pianos. PARKER’S HAIR BALSAM Clean*?# and beautifies the hair. Promotes a luxuriant growth. Never Palls to Bestore 3t»7 Hair to its Youthful Color. Cure# scalp disease* ft hatr taUiaa. ^^SOcjaw^LOOi^DrQggj^^^ LAND — IRRIGATED — LAND. 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