JOHN HENRY
Jk
ON
WOMEN
AND
POKER
GY GEO. V. HOBART, ("HUGH M'HUGH”)
Dear Bunch: Say, Bunch, I don't
think women have any business play
ing poker, anyway—that is most
women.
There are a few cheerful exceptions,
• of course.
Take Monday evening for example.
George Riggaby dealt, and I being
next, passed.
Then we waited while Maude said
to Peaches, “Oh! yes, I think a
bodice trimmed with moire antique
and with white chiffon over the cor
sage is perfectly stunning, but 1 want
to get a house dress of green silk with
lace insertion—oh. did you see Mrs.
Wilson's new automobile coat? If she
isn't a perfect fright; well, I hope—”
“Pass! Pass! Pass!” I yelled.
Then Mrs. Lorrenz, paying no at
tention to us, unburdened herself to
Peaches: “And do you know, our new
cook lost one of my handsome silver
spoons that's been in our family for
generations, and I didn’t dare say any
thing to her about it, because she'd
leave, and I know what trouble I had
last time finding a cook. But a hand
some silver spoon—”
"What do you do?” I shrieked at
Peaches, who sat next to me.
“What do I do? What do you
mean? What do 1 do!”
“Do you pass, or do you open it?"
“Oh! I pass. You needn't yell so,
I'm sure. Do you know. Mrs. Lorrenz,
the same thing happened to us, only
ours was a fork; yes, a silver fork,
sne of a set that Aunt Martha gave us
for a wedding present, and don't you
know, when—”
Then all of a sudden Maude yelled.
“Oh, I open it. No, I don’t—I thought I
had an ace—darnaluck!"
Whereupon Mrs. Lorrenz laid her
hand down and began to count her
chips, declaring that a white one was
missing.
After looking over the table and un
der the table and on the mantelpiece
and all around the room, she finally
found the white chip under the hand
she had laid down.
When peace was restored George
Riggaby said, "I’ll open it for ten!"
Whereupon Mrs. Lorrenz screamed.
"No, you won't. I'll open it for five!”
“But you said you passed.”
"I didn't!”
“Pardon, me, I thought you did!”
“Pardon, me, I thought I didn't!”
“Cards?" asked George, resignedly.
“Gi'me three.” I said.
“Three,” said Peaches. “No, two,
no, three—wait a minute! Gi'me one
—no. wait; that's a diamond. Give me
two—no, no; give me three cards!”
“That's the way with me,” said
Maude to Peaches; “I get so confused
sometimes. I remember one evening
we were all playing over at our house,
and the baby—”
“Cards?” screamed George.
Maude gave him a withering glance,
and Mrs. Lorrenz said, “One card,
please!”
George gave his mother-in-law the
card, took throe himself and laid the
deck down.
“Well, I'd like to know where my
two cards are?” inquired Maude
scathingly.
“Well, I thought you stood pat,”
said George.
“Stood pat; the idea!” snapped
“Pass! Pass! Pass!” I Yelled.
.
Maude. “I never did such a thing in !
my life. I’d like two cards, please.”
“It’s too late now.” i butted in.
“You'll have to play your hand or drop
out.”
• “Drop out, indeed. Well, I guess
not! George Riggaby, you give me
two cards!”
“Can't do it; against the rules,” said
George.
"Against what rules?”
“Hoyle.”
“Who cares for Hoyle. You gi’me
two cards!”
And so to keep peace i;i the family
she was given two cards—and won
the pot.
Then Mrs. Lorrenz got mad and
wanted her ante back, all of which put
us another half hour to the bad.
If I had to play hen poker very
often, Bunch, I'd have a roller rink in
my pot story.
A little later on that evening I
opened a jackpot, and everybody
dropped out except Mrs. Lorrenz and
Peaches.
You know. Bunch. I like Peaches.
She’s the only wire I vere. had, and
the only one l ever wish to have, and
so I say it from my heart that she
plays poker like a Welsh rabbit,
which is without form and full of dark
surprises.
From a social point of view
Peaches is the best fellow that ever
drew cards, but judged solely on her
skill as a pokerine she is what the
ancient Greeks would call a Patricia
Bolivar.
Well, anyway. Bunch, to make a
long story lose its cunning. Peaches
waved farewell after losing four dol
lars, which was all in the family any
way'; but Mrs. Lorrenz bit her lip and
trailed.
Yes, sir, she trailed with all the
danger signals set until she had sent
seven of her good dollars to the Bad
Banda, then she called me
When I laid down four typewriters
she called me again—but I'd hate to
tell you what.
Never before. Bunch, in the history
of the game did one woman get mad
in so many different places at the
same time.
You see, Bunch, she had four deuces
all the time, and after the first bet
she began to buy a new dress.
After the second bet she selected
the trimmings.
After the third bet she changed the
material and took something more ex
pensive.
After the fourth bet she decided to
pick out an imported dressmaker on
Che Called Me Again—Eut I'd Hate
to Tell You What.
Fifth avenue, and after the fifth bet
she felt wealthy enough to go there
in a cab.
Soon came the awful awakening,
and she had to put the dress back in
the store.
I don't think Mrs. Lorrenz will ever
quite recover from the shock.
She will be a saddened woman all
her life unless a rich relative dies
somewhere and leaves her seven dol
lars.
And to make matters more like a
life insurance investigation, about ten
minutes later George Higgaby stung
Uncle Gregory for $5.75, which caused
uncle to go up in the air.
After bouncing between the floor
and the ceiling for five minutes he
had an internal fit, which nearly be
came epidemic all over his system.
And thus it happened. Runch, that
these two members in good standing
in the ancient order of the Com
panions of the Cold Feet had to sit
there all evening and play them close,
trying to get their money back, which
! they didn't.
The mills of the gods grind slowly,
Bunch, but once in a while they grind
; out something worth while.
Play poker if you must. Bunch, but
j always keep your rubbers on.
This goes for the neck as well as
the feet.
Yours to the finish,
JOHN.
(Copyright. 190S, by O. W. Gillingham Co.)
BILL SAW HIS CHANCE.
Willing to Pay Three Dollars to Get
Rid of “Old Woman.”
Bill, who was employed in the ca
pacity of ostler at a wayside inn, was
standing at the yard gates with I he
inevitable bit of straw in his mouth,
wondering if life was worth living.
Before leaving home in the morn
ing he had engaged in a wordy war
fare with his wife, and had decidedly
come off second best.
In the midst of his meditation a
break, filled with ladies on iheir way
to a well known resort, pulled up to
allow the driver to bait his horses.
After seeing to the animals. Bill and
the driver adjourned inside to refresh
the inner man.
“Not much of a day for a drive,"
said Bill. “Where's yer going with
that lot?”
“O,”* said the driver, in an offhand
manner, “I'm'going to Burnham.”
After thinking deeply for a few min
utes, Bill inquired, “Got room for
one?"
"Yus,” was the reply. “Cost yer
two and a half.”
Hurriedly Bill clutched the driver
by the arm and excitedly whispered,
"Do us a favor, mate, and wait ten
minutes while I go home and fetch
the old woman and I'll give yer three
dollars, if you burn ’em good."—
Rehoboth Sunday Herald.
Royal Composers.
The Princess Friedrich Luitpold, sis
ter of the kaiserin, one of whose com
positions was recently performed at a
sacred concert at Dresden, is the
latest recruit to the ranks of royal
composers who have challenged pub
lic criticism. The duchess of Orleans,
eldest daughter of the Arch
duke Joseph of Austria has
won golden opinions by her
charming songs, many of them set
to Hungarian words; the Archduchess
Marie Valerie of Austria has also
composed a number of pretty song3;
the Princess Feodora of Reuss (a prin
cess of Saxe-Meiningen) is credited
with considerable talent and originality
in composition; and the Grand Dueh
; ess Cyril of Russia, also possesses con
j siderable gifts as a composer. The
male royalties whose musical talent
has taken the same direction are quite
numerous, ranging from the German
emperor and the Grand Duke Michael
Michaeiovitch of Russia, who made
his debut some years ago with the '‘In
fluenza March,” composed while suf
fering from that uninspiring ailment,
to the blind Landgraf of Hosse-Cassel,
incomparably the most, talented of all
royal musicians, whose many composi
tions, chiefly produced at Paris, are
very highly esteemed by experts.
Money Well Spent.
Health Is an important factor to the
people of New York city and the pub
lic treasury expends $6,300 each day
in looking after it
Playing With,*
fidf &
I RAYJIOM W.PULLMAtt
<5TO/?y OFCN/SHOLM. TNFTHANF<SOTA TOWN
THAT NIGHT HAVE BFFM 3AVFD
RU/RtS OR CH/tSHOLM
- r™ ■■ .. —
. S:' I ' - it Wtw.- s
OPEN.
**
fjn=====
-i THE FEW DWELL!HGS SEARED WERE
1| TEHHED'JHTO STORES
»— - . -I
vault or nmr national bam
The people in the section around
Chisholm, Minn., say that it is the
driest year that they have ever known.
The woods and the brush growth on
cut-over land are as dry as tinder and
j fires can be seen in as many as a half
dozen places at one time, starting
from what no one knows. The natives
give various causes of how the flames
start, the most popular of which are
sparks from engines, hunters and
i campers, careless brush-burning by
homesteaders and incendiaries. One
man even advanced the theory of
I spontaneous combustion, and did nol
1 seem to like it when I told him that 1
__
Ruins of Chisholm Hotel—Getting Lines for New Building.
thought this was hardly the case. In
| many sections up here the ground is
! of peat bog formation and a spark may
: burn for weeks after it finds a lodging
' before it is fanned into a flame.
It is hard and practically impos
sible to figure losses accurately at this
time, and it will be weeks before even
an approximate estimate that is final
j can be made. Cruisers will have to
be sent over the burnt-over areas be
| fore close figures can be obtained and
I the timber owners say that it is ab
j solutely useless to do anything in this
I line until a heavy rain comes and
the end of the fires is assured.
Putting the losses low, to be on the
safe side, they are commonly agreed
to be $5,000,000 to $10,000,000. The
majority of people say about $5,000,
000. This is considered a conserva
tive estimate by those who have been
over most of the ground. At five per
cent, interest the amount of capital
lost would yield $250,000 a year. This
is worth contrasting with what the
state forestry board now has to spend
for protection. It has an appropria
tion of $11,500.
The burning of the prosperous little
town of Chisholm on the Mesabi iron
range is the item of loss which figures
most prominently in conversations
with all who have anything to say
about the forest fire destruction to
date. The people in this country are
have been saved. As it was. all that
was spared by the flames were the two
churches, the beautiful $11’5,000 high
school, the grammar school, and two
blocks of dwellings on opposite sides
of town, which were saved because of
a peculiar shifting of the wind.
One of the fortunate things about
the fire was that it struck Chisholm
awake in the afternoon instead of at
night after all were asleep. There
was no loss of life as it was, but had
the flames swept in in the dark the
holocaust which would have resulted
would have been most horrible, for
there is no telling what part of the
5,000 people would have been cremat
ed in their beds, so quick were the
flames, or what would have happened
to the fleeing, panic-stricken people
and their children who might have
been awake.
Many of the people of the city were
hard hit by the fire financially and
Some lost practically all they had.
The same dauntless spirit that im
pelled large cities like Baltimore and
San Francisco to arise from the ruins
of fire and rebuild is in the people
of little Chisholm and already there
are about 50 new stores and dwellings
nearly completed. When I saw the
people going about their work in such
a cheerful go-ahead way, I was sur
prised, for one can hardly expect such
quick action from a small town.
Benedicts in High Place.
Few Unmarried Men Rise to Promi
nence in This Country.
Is marriage good for statesmen? Dis
raeli said no. but then “Dizzy" unbur
dened himself of more than one foolish
utterance. Certainly, in this country,
the answer is yes. Almost all the men
who have been at the head of affairs
in national or state politics in the last
two or three decades have been bene
dicts. Most of the presidents since
the war have not only wives but chil
dren. President Roosevelt, of course,
was the head of a large family when
he entered the White House. Presi
dent McKinley was married, though
his children did not survive infancy.
President Cleveland was a husband
and father when he began his second
term. He started his first term as a
bachelor, but it did not take him long
to learn the disadvantages of single
life in Washington. President Harri
son had not only a wife and children,
but a grandchild. President Arthur
was a widower, but his children lived
in the White House with him. Presi
dent Garfield was a family man. Pres
ident Hayes was married. So was
President Grant. President Johnson
also had a wife. In fact, with the ex
ception of the short time Grover Cleve
land was in office before his marriage,
only one president, James Buchanan,
had been a bachelor. Four of the
presidents—Tyler, Fillmore, Benjamin
Harrison and Koosevelt—married
twice.
Had No Attraction for Author.
Being once asked w'hether he had
read any of the books of a popular
novelist, Thackeray rejoined: “Well,
no. You see, I am like a pastry cook.
I bake tarts and I sell 'em; but I eat
bread and butter.”
Autos Forging to the Front.
From one day's observation at five
points of greatest vehicle congestion
on Manhattan island it was learned
that there are 63 horse-drawn and 37 ‘
power-drawn vehicles in each 100.
used to fires, and hardly feel at home
unless there is the smell of smoke
in the air. Until the (lames menace a
town or a very valuable stand of tim
ber they are fairly indifferent to the
danger.
A striking evidence of this over con
fident feeling of safety was given on
the day of the Chisholm fire, the loss's
in which are now conservatively esti
mated at $1250,000 to $1,500,000, in- ,
eluding real property, stocks of mer
chandise, and every other item 01
direct loss. The same fire that de
stroyed the town had been burning in
the forests near by for more than a
week. It was at five o'clock in the
afternoon that the fire entered the
city in the clutch of a gale from the
northwest and laid the place in ruins
in less time than it takes to tell it.
Up to within a half hour before the
flames caught the town the people
were confident that there was no dan
ger.
When the fire came all were panic
stricken, and grabbing the few things
nearest at hand, which in numerous
i cases were not articles of the great
| est usefulness, fled the town, many
1 making for the iron mines near by.
Had ordinary precautions been taken
! even as late as the forenoon of the
1 fire, it is said that the place could
PROLIFIC ENGLISH SOW;
OFFSPRING 135 IN 4 YEARS
Is There Any Sow in America That Can ILeat That Record? j
—
Our illustration shows an English sow with a wonderful history as a
producer of bacon. She was born—so her owner informs me—about March.
19C4, and since then her records read as follows: March, 1935, litter of
13; September, 19C5. 17: February, 19C6. 16; August, 19C6, 17: February,
1907, 20; August, 19C7, 15; Fejruary, 1908, 22; August, 19C8, 15; total in
tour years, 135.
Teeth of Horse at Four Years
i-—--———
At four years cld each jaw shows four permanent teeth, whose tables
are worn to the same level. The dividers are worn upon both of their bor
ders. Locked at from the side, the corner teeth are quite small.
At four and a haif years the nippers show wear on both edges. The
corner teeth and the hook or canine teeth are in evidence.
STABLE AND CARRIAGE HOUSE
Will F*rovide Roam lor Two Cows and Three Horses.
The accompanying diagram shows
ground plan for stable and carriage
house 40x25 feel. The cows' stall for
two is six feet wide, and the horse
stalls are each five feet wide, which is
the proper width. This will give you
a carriage house 20x24 feet, and feed
the stock from the front. A passage
leads from the stable to carriage
shingles: 22 studs for partitions and 1
stalls, 2x4—10 feet; 500 feet inch lin
ing for stable: 670 feet plank for
stalls, 2x10—S feet; 4 stall posts, 6x6 j
—8 feet; 2 pieces stall caps, 2x8—8
feet; 3 ridge boards, 1x7—14 feet; 3
ridge boards, 1x6,—14 feet; 150 feet
cornice. If foundation be built of con
crete it should be at least 2 feet below
surface, and if set on level, would re
Groun d Plan.
house, so a horse may be haruessed
and hitched up and left inside till
ready to go.
The following is a bill of material:
Four side sills 8x8—21 feet spliced;
4 cross sills, 8x8—25 feet; 39 floor
joists, 2x10—14 feet; 21 ceiling joists,
2x8—25 feet; 2,000 feet plank, (inch
measure) for floor; 1,000 feet inch
lumber for loft; 6S studs, 2xG—13 feet;
10 plates, 2x6—14 feet; 12 scantlings,
2x4—12 feet, for gable studs; 1,900
feet rough siding; 42 rafters, 2x6—16
feet; 1,350 feet roof sheeting; 25 M.
quire a wall of 3 feet at least. To
build such a wall of concrete would re
quire 9'/2 barrels cement, 3 yards
stone fillers, and 11 yards gravel. It
is admitted that dipping posts in hot '
coal tar will add to their durability.
Money Well Spent.—A few extra
dollars for a good pure-bred ram is
money well spent. No flockmaster '
who takes pride in his flock and values
its improvement can afford to save
money by the purchase of a cheap
grade ram.
{
Grass in the Poultry Ration.—Grass
is one of the best foods that we can
feed the bens. It is cheap because it
is harvested by the poultry them
selves. This save not only the cost
yf havesting, but also the cost of
taandling it. Grass contains much nu
triment, all of the food elements be
ing represented. Blue grass and clo
ver are rich in protein, and they also
i-arry a good proportion of carbon.
These are the elements needed by
the fowls in the producing of the ma
terials for growth. The owner of
—------- I
poultry on the farm should make care
ful provision for this kind of food. ,
especially when it can be fed in a
green state. The increasing price of !
all grain feeds makes it necessary foi
the farmer to turn to grass as a feed | !
to the largest possible extent.
The Grade Cow.—The grade cow
may be your salvation, but the grade '
bull, never. i
Clean and Cold.—Keep the milk (
clear, and cold and you will keep it •
pure. !
'HREE WEEKS.
DiOunfa. tbout a Remarkable Change.
Mrs. A. J. Davis of Murray, Ky.,
says: “When I began using Doans
Kidney Pills, kid
ney disease was
slowly poisoning me.
Dizzy spells almost
made me fall, sharp
pains like knife
thrusts would catch
me in the back, and
« „ „ 1 1 . , ntlnnlr f
grip left me with a constant agoniz
ing backache. Doan's Kidney Pills
helped me quickly and in three weeks’
time there was not a symptom of
kidney trouble remaining."
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Alilburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
SICK MAN WANTED CHANGE.
More Than Willing to Make Transfer
with Physician.
A Syracuse business man who, be
sides being extremely active and am
bitious. has much sense of humor,
was taken sick with a slight attack of
pneumonia. His physician, aware that
It would be a task to keep his high
strung patient in bed, sought to im
press on him the seriousness of the
ailment and the necessity of absolute
rest; all of which the sick man lis
tened to in a bored manner. Never
theless he consented to obey the doc
tor.
But this enforced inactivity rankled
In him; and each succeeding day
found the patient importuning the
medical man attendant to allow him
to get out to business. Then, dis
gusted, he would lie back to cast im
precations at the inexorable physi
cian. I
One morning the physician, after
having been up all night on an im
portant case, appeared at his patient's
house at the usual hour. He had hard
ly stuck his haggard face inside the
door, however, before the man in the
bed gave him a quick glance and sat^
up.
“Eh? ejaculated the patient. Then
rhovixig out his hand to grasp the doc
tor's satchel, he added: "Doc, I guess
you'd better get into bed here and
let me go out with the medicine
bag.”
A PROGRESSIVE.
/* -
“Madame, dot girl of yours make
;reat progress mit her moosic. Before
she was always two or dree notes be
3int me, and now she is always two or
dree notes ahead.”
The Bride’s Look.
A girl about to be married worries
so much she begins to look like an
>ld married woman. In addition to
worrying about her clothes and coax
ng her folks to give her a new outfit,
she sits up too late with her young
aian, and the result is an anxious,
:a reworn look a week before the
wedding that cannot be told from the
look on the face of a woman who has
been married a year or two. Look at
the next girl you meet who is soon to
bo married, and you will remark 'h:r
she has “aged rapidly.”—Atchison
Globe.
A Discomfiting Witness.
The following colloquy took place
between Councilor Sealingwax and a
witness who “would talk back:” “You
say, sir, the prisoner is a thief?”
"Yes, sir. ’Cause why, she has fon
fessed she was.” “And you also swear
she worked for you after this con
fession?” “Yes, sir.” “Then we are
to understand that you employ dis
honest people to work for you, even
after their rascalities are known?” "Of
course. How else would I get as
sistance from a lawyer?”—Argonaut.
“The Law.”
Parents of Wayne, a suburb of Phil
adelphia, are required to report
promptly any case of contagious dis
ease, in compliance with the regula
tions of the local board of health.
In accordance with this order,
Health Officer Leary received this
post card recently:
“Dear Sir: This Is to notify you
that my boy Ephraim is down bad
with the measles as required by the
new law.”—Harper’s Weekly.
NOT A MIRACLE.
Just Plain Cause and Effect.
There are Some quite remarkable
things happening every day, which
seem almost miraculous.
Some persons would not believe that
a man could suffer from coffee drink
ing so severely as to cause spells of
unconsciousness. And to find complete
relief in changing from coffee to Pos
tum is well worth recording.
1 used to be a great coffee drinker
so much so that it was killing me by
inches. My heart became so weak I
would fall and lie unconscious for an
hour at a time. The spells caught
me sometimes two or three times a
day.
“My friends, and even the doctor, •
told me it was drinking coffee that
caused the trouble. I would not be
heve it, and still drank coffee until I
could not leave my room.
• Then my doctor, who drinks Pos
tum himself, persuaded me to stop cof
fee and try Postum. After much hesi
tation I concluded to try it. That was
eight months ago. Since then I have
had but few of those spells, none for
more than four months.
“I feel better, sleep better and am
better every way. I now drink noth
mg but Postum and touch no coffee
and as I am seventy years of age all
mv friends think the improvement
Quite remarkable.” 1
“There’s a Reason.”
"recTlff'iTo by Postum Co., Battle
“ pU RM '»
Ever read tne above letter? A new
one appears from time to time. They
*nterest.UIne’ trUe’ a"d fU" of human
