Loop City Northwestern
J. W. BURLEIGH, Publisher.
LOUP CITY, - - NEBRASKA.
Not all false attachment suits art
breach of promise cases.
Truth is stranger than satire. Thert
was a genuine Mark Twain duel in
Paris recently.
One can always tell what time ol
year it is by looking at the open
faced pumpkin pie.
Says the Memphis Scimitar, “Hoo
ray, hooray, and likewise yip!” Yes
certainly. Boy or girl?
It is Cupid's turn to laugh at Gen
Corbin. Most of us indulged in that
diversion some time before.
Mexico has a dynamite trust, bul
the courts down that way seem in
chned to let well enough alone.
John L. Sullivan is once more on
the water wagon. Nothing like keen
ing in accord with the campaign.
No one should jump at the conclu
sion that allowing the milk of human
kindness to sour is going to do any
good.
Mrs. Patrick Campbell says she ex
pects to come to America “ever so
often.” Another farewell tour artist,
apparently.
A Chicago man who makes ghosts
to order doubts very much whether
spirits ever materialize, but he knows
that dollars do.
“Undoubtedly the Lord hates a
liar,” says the Boston Herald. Isn't
this open to argument? He may hate
tne sin, but love the sinner.
One of the doctors has found a
serum for the prevention of hay fever
This being the case, let the poets come
on with their golden rod poems.
When a woman can get a divorce
in twenty minutes, why should we
better our heads with Mr. Meredith’s
theories about a ten-year marriage?
It is Dr. Gunsaulus who remarks
that the day of the boy orator has
gone. But there is nothing in this
statement to arouse any deep regret
Philistines who have noted the ath
letic style of great pianists cannot be
persuaded that there are usually only
three or four movements to each
sonata.
Jean De Reszke gets $30 an hour
for music lessons. Perhaps if Patti
could do that she might forego the
sweet sorrow of saying good-by tc
American audiences.
A Kansas judge holds that the
courts offer no recourse when a dog
bites a street-corner spellbinder. The
services of poor dumb beasts nevei
are properly appreciated.
These are the instructions for fit
ting the latest style of corsets: “Stand
on the balls of your feet, stiffen your
knees, and wiggle your shoulders.”
Wouldn’t that give you a fit?
A Chicago judge has decided that
hat-trimming is not art, but skilled la
bor. He probably arrived at this con
clusion because of his inability to un
derstand how art could come so high.
The dressmakers’ edict that at least
thirty yards will have to go into a
dress hereafter convinces many hus
bands and fathers that their last year’s
suits will hold together one more win
ter.
The Columbus man who accuses his
wife of throwing a big iron spoon at
bim and hitting him will have some
difficulty in convincing twelve intelli
gent jurors ol the truth of the latter
charge. •'*
i. - -
Genius has yet before it the task ol
producing a pre-combusted coal that
will produce neither ashes nor smoke
and thus glad the heart of the hired
man-less householder, and eke his
neighbors. t tJ
* Dressmakers have decreed that the
winter woman shall be broadshoul
dered. Probably the better to enable
her to stand the quips of the funny
man who write jokelets about the cost
of women’s apparel.
J. Pierpont Morgan has within a
month been almost run down in his
launch, almost run over in an auto
mobile, and almost hurt in a railroad
collision. No wonder he is beginning
to think of retiring.
A New York poet publishes some
verses of which the repeated refrain
is: “Blow, wind, blow!” Those who
doubt the influence of modern poets
have only to watch and see how obed
iently the wind is doing it.
J. Pierpont Morgan, Jr., will take
his place at the head of his father’s
firm when “Jupiter” retires at the be
ginning of the coming year. And yet
every little wrhile you hear somebody
say that there is no chance now for
young men.
We are quite willing to believe that
that telephone device invented by a
man at Portland, Ore., to enable a per
son speaking to see the face of the
person at the other end of the line al
ready works successfully as far as the
human eye can reach.
A New Haven man has been sen
fenced to serve five years in the peni
tentiary for embezzling $75,000. The
wonderful thing about his case is that
the pessimists are not calling atten
tion to the fact that he was a Sunday
school superintendent.
If you contemplate going to Pan
ama to engage in business your best
plan will he is learn aU about the
country and the inducements it holds
out for men who are not succeeding
where they are. Then you will not
contemplate it any more.
All Bones.
Stranger—And did the old farmer
over there really starve his summer
boarders?
Postmaster—Did he? Why, by the
end of the season they were so thin
the mosquitoes broke their bills try
ing to bite them.
Mean of Him.
“I’ll cast my bread upon the
waters,” said the young wife.
‘‘Have you no feelings for the poor
fish?” chuckled the brutal husband.
Trick.
Ida—"Belle was flattered yesterday.
Three young men insisted upon her
taking the only seat in the car.”
May—“She must have been flat
tered.”
Ida—“But not long. She found there
was tar on it.”
Success.
Mr. Cutter—What do you wear
when you wish to attract attention
on the beach?
Miss Flutter—Oh, nothing much
AT THE MUSICALE
She—Miss Howler’s high note is fearful.
He—Yes, but when you hear it you can console yourself with the
thought that you have passed the worst.
Just Once.
The two hypochrondriacs were ex
changing confidences.
“Were you ever bedridden?” inquir
ed one.
“Yes,” replied the other.
“When?”
“Three years ago, during a cyclone
out in Kansas. The wind blew my
bed, with me on it, a distance of sev
en miles, before it let up!”—New Or
leans Times -Democrat.
Pretense of Knowledge.
“I hate to see a man pretend to know
more than he actually does,’ said the
habitually severe man.
“So do I,” said the unassuming
friend; “so do I. But when your wife
insists on having you read the war
news aloud and the children are set
ting around listening, what are you
going to do when you come to all these
Japanese and Russian names?”
An Unexpected Turn.
“Here,” said the youth, just gradu
ated from the college,’ “the 3ook of
Nature is opened wide; here the vio
lets send message to God, and the tall
pines reveal the mysteries of the for
est; here—”
But the old man interrupted him:
“John,” he said, “I’m glad you like
’em. Ef the Lord spares life I’ll put
you to haulin’ logs to-morrow!”
Not Even the Solace of Silence.
“You’re forever trying to give tne
impression that you’re a martyr,'’
snapped Mrs. Henpeck. “I suppose
you waut everybody to think that you
suffer in silence?”
“No,” replied Mr. Henpeck, "I suf
fer in the perpetual absence of
silence. A little silence would be a
positive pleasure to me.
Nothing to Do.
“Well,” said the old doctor, ‘ you’ve
got your diploma now.”
“Yes,” replied the young one, “I
worked very hard for it and now I’d
like to go away for a vacation, but
I have to start right in and practice.”
“Well, that will give you a long
and much-needed rest.”
' ~ ReaJ Thing.
“Are the members of your dramatic
club very enthusiastic?”
“Are they? Why, when we pre
sented ‘Hamlet’ in the next village last
week, half the company walked all the
way home on the railroad track just
to give it a professional flavor.”—
Puck.
> ' ■■ ■ ---
Then They Quarreled.
He—When we get to the hotel we
must do something to give the im
pression that we are pot a bridal cou
ple.
She—I’ll scold you all the time.
“Oh, that won't do. They might
think you were my mother.”
Where the Conflict Rages.
“You weren’t always such an early
riser.”
“No,” answered Mr. Bliggins. “But
out where I live now you've got to get
up early to wake other people with
the lawn mower instead of being dis
turbed yourself.”
Perfectly Satisfied.
“Every man I’ve told that I had
rheumatism has offered me a cure.
Except Jepson.”
“What did Jepson say?”
“I told him I had it and he said he
was glad to hear it.”
Her Egotism.
“I dearly love the good, the beauti
ful and the true,” remarked the poeti
cal young man.
“Well,” rejoined the practical maid,
“if that’s the case, it’s up to you to
interview paper.”
Johnny's Excuse.
Seven-year-old John brought home
a bad report from school. He was
scolded, bat bore up bravely.
“After all, mother,” he said encour
agingly, "the greatest thing in life is
health.”
An Easy Task.
Nextdoor—That new cook of yours
is certainly a handsome woman.
Neighbors—You bet she is. Why,
all she has to do is to smile at the
potatoes and they are mashed
Something Just as Good.
Justice of the Peace—Now, little
girl, you are about to take oath. Do
you know what an oath is?
Little Susie Slumrn—Yes, yer ’on
ner, but maw says them ain’t for
w immin-fclks. But I kin say what
maw said th time she scalded ’er
foot, if yer wants me to.—Baltimore
American.
Little Johnny Again.
Papa—Your mother tells me you
haven’t been a very good boy to-day,
Johnny.
Johnny—Between us, pa, I think
she s a little prejudiced against me.
It was only the other day she told
Aunt Kate I was just like you.—Bos
ton Transcript.
Sitting in Sorrow.
“Who’s that unhappy-looking fellow
over there?”
4 That s Scribbles. He writes for
the funny papers.”
“He doesn’t look as though he had
any sense of humor.”
“Who said he had?”—Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Rather Insinuating.
Eva—Did Jack kiss you last night?
Ernestine—No, the chaperon was in
the parlor.
Eva—But she was playing the piano
all evening.
Ernestine—Yes, but she persisted
in playing, “I’ve Got My Eyes on
You.”
Not Reassuring.
Doctor—No better, eh? Well, you
must not worry or get nervous, you
know. Four years ago I had the same
complaint as yours, and you see I’m
perfectly well now.
Patient—Yes, but you didn’t have
the same doctor.
Not Yet at the Limit.
“I don’t want to sell you any more
liquor,” said the barkeeper.
“You don’t mean that I have had too
much?” challenged the jag.
“No, no,” replied the barkeeper for
the sake of peace.
“Well, if I haven’t had too much
then I haven’t had enough. Gimme
highball.”—Kansas City Independent.
His Explanation.
"Why didn’t you answer when I
called you up over the telephone the
other day?” said the angry Billville
matron.
“My dear,” replied the “old man”
apologetically, "there is a standing no
tice under the telephone not to use it
when you hear thunder!”—Atlanta
I Constitution.
As Compared.
Mifkins—Is your new clerk a work
er?
Bifkins—I never saw his equal; he
works just like a charm.
Mifkins—That's queer. I was under
the impression that charms seldom
work.
Bifkins—Well, you heard what I
said.
Reason for It.
“Skorcher must be getting weak
minded,” said the first automobilist.
“I haven't noticed it,” replied the
ether.
“Why, he told me he stopped his
auto once yesterday because there
was a pedestrian in his road.”
“But I believe the pedestrian had a
gun.”
An Economical Rule.
Ascum—“I noticed Spongely drink
ing with you to-day.”
Markley—“Yes, he said he's made a
rule not to drink in public, but he
wouldn’t count this time.”
Ascum—"Yes, his rule is not to
drink in public unless somebody else
pays for it.”—Atlanta Constitution.
An International Union.
“It is very strange, madam,” said
the count, “that I failed to discover
how very tart you were before our
marriage.”
“Oh, there's nothing so very strange
about it.” replied the countess. “You
had no taste for anything but papa's
‘sugar.’ ”
No Room for Doubt.
“According to this paper,” said Mr.
Walker Ties, “the egg product of the
United States is 800,000,000 dozens an
nually.”
"I don’t doubt it,” rejoined Mr.
Stormington Barns. "At times I have
thought it was even more than that.”
Drowned Out.
“I’m sure my husband doesn’t care
for me any more.”
“What makes you think so?”
“Every time I start to scold him he
commences whistling—and he’s got
the shrillest whistle you ever heard.”
—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Both Wise.
“So their engagement is broken?"
“Yes; they were both too shy to get
married.”
“What?” 1
“Well, you see, he was shy of mon
ey, and she was shy of him when she
found it out.”
PUZZLED HIM.
Bobby—Mother, tell me about fire flies.
Mother—What do you want to know, dear?
Bobby—Why doesn’t the wind blow their lights out?
The Woman of It.
Husband—“What! You don’t mean
to say you are going shopping in all
this rain.”
Wife—“Of course I am. I’ve saved
up $4 for a rainy day, and this is the
flrst opportunity I’ve had to spend it.”
Provoking.
“Why are you pouting, Ethel?”
“Jack said I was beautiful. I told
him he must have been shortsighted.
“What did he say?”
“Why, the horrid thing said per
haps he was.”
Literally.
Gunner—“Yes, the doctors put Har
ker to sleep and operated on him.”
Guyer—“I guess he was pretty sore
when he woke up.”
Gunner—“Yes, he was all cut up
about it.”
Didn’t Need to Say.
“Is Bangum in town?”
“No.”
"Why did he leave?”
“He didn’t stop to say, but his ac
counts are short.”
Love's Young Dream.
Nellie (calling to her sister)—I’m
going to make some lemonade, Jennie.
Where is the squeezer?
Jennie (absently)—The squeezer!
Oh, he hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m
expecting him any minute.
Crushed.
He (after the show)—“I guess the
curtain must have fallen too hard on
the first act."
She—“Why, what do you mean?”
He—“That might account for the
play being so flat.”
Partly Her Fault.
Fan—So she's engaged to Mr. Polk.
I wonder how he came to propose?
Nan—I don’t believe he did come
to do it, but she was determined not
to let him go until ho did.—Stray
Stories.
Ultra-Fashionable.
“And are they really so rich?”
“Well, they can afford the three
C’s. ’
“What three C’s?”
“Chauffeur, connoisseur and chef.”
Vncle Jed Too Grasping
It had long been almost a proverb
in the village that Jedediah Perkins
‘didn’t know a chance when he saw
one.” The public discussion of this
failing had often come to Uncle Jed's
ears, and had sounded loudly in them.
Worst of all, he had to admit that he
was, in the language of his neighbors,
“easy.” He paid the most for what
he bought and got the least for what
he sold of any man within a dozen
miles.
But uncle Jed saw a chance at last.
A railway runs close to his house, and
in the middle of winter during a tre
mendous snow storm, a passenger
train was stalled in the cut through
his south pasture, and was unable to
go forward or back.
After it had been there about half a
day Uncle Jed saw his chance. There
were a hundred or two passengers,
eager to buy food. He had a large
store of ham and bacon. He would
have Aunt Sarah make it up into sand
wiches, and they would clear a small
fortune.
“So that's what we done,” said
Uncle Jed, telling of it afterward.
“We made up every bit of ham in the
house into sandwiches and I took ’em
down there and offered ’em for sale
for a quarter apiece.
“Now I cal’lated a man’s hungrys
them folks would be willing to pay a
quarter for a good big home-made
sandwich, but they held back. They
was plenty would pay a dime. I could
’a’ sold out twicet over at a dime
each—but I only sold five at a quar
ter.
“ ‘I’ll wait till they get hungrier,’
s’s I. I went outside and set on a
snow pile and watched them fellers
shoveling out that train. Seemed to
me they wa’n’t like to git the train
out before next summer so I didn’t
hurry about going abroad again with
them sandwiches. Jes’ as I made up
my mind it was time, though, along in
front come one of them rotating
whirligig plows they sent up from the
other way, and before you could say
‘Jack Robinson’ away went the train
behind it through the cut it made.
“Well, sir, as I sat watching that
train hadn't gone more'n two hundred
yards before I see I had made a great
mistake not to sell them sandwiches
for ten cents. I see it plain as could
be. An’ I'm seeing it yet, for Aunt
Sarah an’ me has been living on ham
sandwiches fer three weeks, and tney
ain t half used up.”—Youth’s Com
panion.
Court Waited for Scrap
‘ The practice of law in the country |
may not be so lucrative as in the big j
city, but it is vastly more amusing,” j
said a lawyer of prominence up in
Senator Platt's home town, Owego. j
‘ One experience rewarded me for all j
the trouble I had in getting to the :
scene of the trial.
‘‘The case was going along smooth
ly and I was examining an important j
witness, when from the rear of the i
crowded court room this remark was ,
interjected in a loud voice:
“ ‘That man’s a liar.’
‘‘I hesitated a moment, expecting
the judge, a bluff country jurist, to
take some action. He said nothing, so
I continued to question the man on the
stand.
“Presently came another outburst
from the voice in the crowd. It was
to the effect that the witness had no
truth in his make-up and his story
was an offense against justice. Still
the court said not a word.
“Feeling that it was up to me to do
something, I asked the judge to have
the person who dared to interrupt the
proceedings committed for contempt.
The judge leaned over to me and
whispered:
“ ‘I’d do it, counsellor, but I don't
know how to draw the papers.’
"The court may have been weak on
law, but he was strong on human na
ture. He pondered a moment and
then turned to the witness, who was a
big chap.
“ ‘Do you know who it was that
called you a liar?’ he asked.
“ ‘I do, your honor,’ said the wit
ness.
“‘Can you lick him?’ the court que
ried.
“ ‘That’s what I can.’
“ ‘Then you go and do it,’ ordered
his honor. ‘This court is adjourned
for fifteen minutes until this little
matter of court etiquette is adjusted.’
"The witness left the chair, singled
out a pugnacious looking but under
sized man in the crowd, grabbed him
by the collar and yanked him out into
the sunlight. In five minutes the wit
ness was back, slightly ruffled in his
appearance, but smiling broadly. He
resumed his place on the stand, the
judge rapped for order, and the trial
ci the ease went on.
"There were no more interrup
tions.”
Ode to Disappointment
Come. Disappointment, come!
Not in thy terrors clad:
Come in thy meekest, saddest guise;
Thy chastening rod but terrifles
The restless and the bad.
But I recline
Beneath thy shrine.
And round my brow resign’d, thy peace
ful cypress twine.
Though fancy flies away
Before thy hollow tread.
Yet Meditation, in her cell.
Hears with faint eye the lingering knell.
That tells her hopes are dead;
And though the tear
By chance appear.
Yet she can smile <nd say, “My all was
not laid here!”
Come, Disappointment, come!
Though from Hope's summit hurled,
Still, rigid Nurse, thou art forgiven.
For thou severe wert sent from heaven
To wean me from the world:
To turn my eye
From vanity.
And point to scenes of bliss that never,
never die.
What is this passing scene?
A peevish April day!
A little sun. a little rain.
And then night sweeps along the plain.
And all things fade away.
Man (soon discuss’d)
Yields up his trust.
And all his hopes and fears lie with him
in the dust.
Oh. what is Beauty's power?
It flourishes and dies;
Will the cold earth its silence break.
To tell how soft, how smooth a cheek
Beneath its surface lies?
Mute, mute is all
O'er Beauty's fall;
Her praise resounds no more when man
tled in her pall.
The most belov'd on earth
Not long survives to-day;
So music past is obsolete.
And yet ’twas sweet, 'twas passing sweet.
But now 'tis gone away.
Thus does the shade
In memory fade.
When in forsaken tomb the form be
lov'd is laid.
Then, since this world is vain.
And volatile, and fleet.
Why should I lay up earthly joys
Where rust corrupts, and moth destroys.
And cares and sorrows eat?
Why fly from ill
Witn cautious skill.
When soon this hand will freeze, this
throbbing heart be still?
Come. Disappointment, come!
Thou art not stern to me;
Sad monitress. I own thy sway,
A votary sad in early day,
1 bend my knee to thee,
From sun to sun
My race will run;
I only bow. and say. My God, Thy wi’.i
be done!
—Henry Kirke White.
Educator’s Heart Is Kind
Anecdotes about President Eliot of
Harvard abound this summer because
ot the attention to his personality
called out by the fact that this year
sees the completion of fifty years’ edu
cational service by him at Harvard.
In Cambridge scores of stories cir
culate which illustrate his almost im
pulsive generosity. It is well known
that on one occasion a student, sick
with contagious disease and shunned
by those about him, was taken into
the president’s own house.
A raw sub-freshman from a country
village in Connecticut, on the evening
of his first day in Cambridge, found
himself in need of a Latin grammar
to prepare for the next day's exam
ination. Quite without friends at the
university, he told his need to the
first man he met, and was bidden to
the stranger’s house.
There a long search unearthed a
Latin grammar, but it proved to be of
too old ap edition to serve the pres
ent need. By this time the stranger's
perplexity and anxiety to get the book
exceeded the student's own. and,
after some thought, he sent the young
man off with a note to a friend in a
neighboring street who might be like
ly to have the right edition.
It was weeks before the student
learned that the chance stranger
who had given an hour of his time
and an even more precious measure
of his sympathy to a lonely and trou
bled student was the president of the
university. In a university that num
bers over 4,000 the opportunity for
personal touch between student and
president is small; but there are
scores of stories of the enlistment of
the president’s personal interest in
some student’s behalf.
i
There was a young man who de
sired to study botany, but had failed
to satisfy some technical preliminary
requirement. The committee which
stood between the student and his
wish have a vivid recollection of the
warmth of manner and the emphatic
gesture of the president as he declar
ed: “If that young man wants to study
botany he shall study it.”—Outlook.
i
Spread of English Tongue
The need of a universal language
is agitated from time to time, but so
far there seems to have been nothing
accomplished. When the effort was
made to introduce Volapuk we learn
ed two things, that the need of such
a language was great and also that no
artificial language would fill the need.
Dr. Schroer, a German professor, says
that attempts to introduce any artifi
cial language are hopeless as well as
unnecessary, for there is already a
universal language, and it is English.
A language without historical devel
opments, literature or linguistic rela
tions would not be studied by any
considerable number of people, and
hence could never become universal.
Dr. Schroer goes on to say in favor of
English that it has great claim to
being universal because of its spread
over the whole earth, the ease with
which it is learned, and because it
has reached a position so far in ad
vance of all others that neither nat
ural nor artificial means can deprive
it of its assured position as the future
means of international intercourse.
Some facts concerning our language
seem to bear out Dr. Schroer’s opin
ions. English is spoken by the most
powerful and richest nation of Europe
and by the greater part of the people
of North America, South Africa. Aus
tralia, India and the Sandwich Is
lands. Since the beginning of the
nineteenth century the number of
English speaking people has grown
from 25,000,000 to 125,000,000, and
there is no prospect of any check to
its ever increasing triumph.
Better i.ate Than Never.
"I believe you run an advertising
column for ‘personals,’ ” said the
solemn man.
“Yes,” replied the clerk.
**I want you to insert this advertise
ment: ‘Will young woman who accept
ed seat of tall, thin man fn cross
town car yesterday morning please
pardon him for neglecting to than*
her.’ Sign it ‘Absent-Minded Brute.’"
—Catholic Standard and Times.
EYESIGHT OF LIONS
CAPTIVITY INJURES VISION OF
THE KING OF BEASTS.
Series of Experiments Conducted by
German Oculist Demonstrates the
Fact—Not Intended by Nature to
Be Confined in Small Space.
An eminent German oculist has
been inquiring into the eyesight of
menagerie lions, a laborious task, and
one demanding both patience and in
genuity.
It is obvious that you cannot very
well invite a lion who looks as if he
would like to have your blood, to try
on spectacles graduated to different
sights, or a snarling Hones.' to read
a series of words in various type on
the opposite wall. At least, you
might ask them, and politely, but—
What the intrepid oculist did was.
with the aid of a mirror, to i - ;. ot
luminous rays into the eyes t i the
patient, rays sufficiently powerful ■ »
enable him to see whether the <*
[ ture’s cornea was convex or cone a.
] and then to estimate the curvatun in
| terms of seeing capacity. The re
suits arrived at were, of course. ne< •
sarily only relative, but still -ufii
ciently accurate to allow of the par
ticulars being tabulated and red:i > ;
to statistics.
In conducting his investigations the
oculist frankly acknov. i< s that he
found discretion to be the : < 'er par:
of valor. He did indet i c: r ms
j patients’ cages, bt*t. notv. ■ tand
I ing the protective presence • the
j beasts’ kqwer, he kept at a : ect
I fu! distant of a good yard av; i . alf
! out cf reach of teeth and cla v The
| lions were not "good” patients; they
j objected to having electric ra
I thrust into their retinas, and regar
the intruder with no cordial mien.
The results of the inquiry are some
what curious. SeYen out of every ten
menagerie lions were found to be
shortsighted; and this is exactly the
same proportion as among German
students. In Germany this is ascrib
ed to overstrain of the eyes in the
use of books, a result which can sur
prise no one who has had to wrestle
with the crabbed black-letter Gothic
type still in use in Germany, and with
the still more horrible German hand
writing. Similar overstrain of the
eyes has produced similar results
among these unhappy Hons. The king
of beasts, child of the boundless wilds,
accustomed to range a vast horizon
with the eyes which nature has
given him. that, “roaring after his
prey, he may seek his meat,” has had
his horizon narrowed down to the
bars of a pitiful cage; he is taught
to jump through a hoop, to dance on
a tight rope, to sit upon stools, and
it is only with pain and difficulty and
after long training that his eagle
glance grows able to focus these pal
try things beneath his nose. The
strain on his eyes ultimately renders
him shortsighted. Poor King Lion! —
Montreal Herald.
It Is Inconsistent.
When a recent downpour was doing
its worst to the down town crowd a
man caused consternation in a depart
ment store by asking for a woman's
rain cloak.
■ “Do you mean a mackintosh—a rain
coat,” asked the clerk.
‘•I mean what I said,” returned the
man, stubbornly.
“I think we have wtat you want,”
said the clerk, “hut we never call
them rain cloaks.”
“Why don’t you?” asked the man.
“That is what you ought to say.
Everything else worn by women has
a feminine name, then why net these
—yes, sir. 1 will say it—these water
proof cloaks? Why aren't you consist
ent? You call a long garment made
of cloth a cloak, but when it happens
to be made of rubber it takes on
masculine tributes and becomes a rain
coat. Why?”
“That is one too many for me,*' re
plied the clerk. “All I know is that
we'd be considered crazy if we should
advertise a special sale of rain
‘cloaks.’’’—Chicago Inter Ocean.
Avoid the Mountains.
“You never saw a cat bathing in
the sea. You never saw a tramp in a
mountainous country. Each spectacle
is of equal rarity.”
The speaker, a geologist, smiled.
“I know what I am talking about."
he said. “In quest of geological
truths I have traveled the country
over many times, and I have yet to
flml a tramp among the mountains.
Tramps avoid mountains as they
avoid soap.
“Hence New Hampshire, Vermont,
and the other mountainous states are
singularly free from petty thieving
and from all such troubles as hobos
,ause. And hence, in those states,
t is never necessary to lock the doors
>r the windows.
“Tramps avoid mountainous dis
tricts because the walking is all uphill
there and because the farms are few
and far between. A fertile and flat
country with the roads good and the
farms close together suits the tramp.”
Strathcona Buys islands.
Lord Strathcona has purchased the
islands of Colonsay and Ornsay from
the executors of the late Sir John Mc
Neil, V. C. For the last 200 years
these islands have been in the posses
sion of the McNeil family. They be
long to the inner Hebrides group, and
are together about twelve miles in
length.
Auctioneers’ Congress.
An auctioneers’ congress was held
in Cardiff, Wales. The president in
his annual address spoke of the sore
need of doing something to check
municipal expenditures, which, he
contended was seriously affecting the
real estate market.
Consumption of Beer.
The average amount of beer con
sumed in 1900 by each inhabitant was
370 quarts in Munich, 232 at Lille, 160
in Berlin, 145 in Vienna, 48 in Bud&
Pesth, 28 in Moscow, 11 in Paris.
Order for Krupp Guns.
Roumania has ordered from Krupn
300 quick-firing field guns. They will
cost $5,600,000.
