r
JOHN BURT
!By' FREDERICK
UPHAM ADAMS
,|Autkor<rf *'Tba Kidnapped Millionaires,” '^Colonel Monroe's Doctrine,” Etc.
(I COPTRIGHT, 1903, BT
11 Pride hick Upham Adams
All rights
reserved
Copyright, 1&03. by
J. Duixel Biddle
A.
CHAPTER XXVI.—Continued.
“You’ve got him all right.” roared
Hawkins, grasping John Burt’s hand.
‘Tm proud of you, my boy! I came
t n to help you out, and now I find
that you have turned the trick wlth
out me. Is there anything more you
want?”
“Yes,” leturned John.
“Well, jou’ll get her. I’ll back your
grandad's judgment that she is wait
ing :or you. Speaking of Peter Burt,
how old did you say he is?”
“Nearly ninety.”
“And you wish me to see him.
Think I’ll wait until he's a hundred,”
declared John Hawkins. “Joking
aside, I’ll go with you any day you
say, and I’ll be damned glad to meet
the old man. Only I’ll promise not to
swear again in his presence.”
They talked for hours, and Haw
kins listened with interest to the dis
closures made by Sam Rounds con
cerning the Cosmopolitan Improve
ment Company.
A messenger arrived with a sealed
letter from the alderman, informing
John Burt that the bribery money had
heen paid over or deposited. With the
teven aldermen supposed to be pur
chased, Morris estimated a majority
o* four in favor of his new franchises.
He was so sure of speculative suc
cess that he had fixed the dinner
party to General Carden, Jessie, Edith
and Blake for Tuesday evening—the
date of the council session when his
ordinances would come up for final
action. The news of his triumph
should come to him while he was rev
eling in the charm of Jessie Carden’s
presence. The contemplation of this
pleasure inspired Morris with a new
idea.
The dinner should celebrate his for
mal engagement to Jessie Carden!
The more he pondered over this bril
, iiant coup the more entrancing did it
f seem.
« His carriage drew up at the Bishop
residence an hour before the time
CHAPTER XXVII.
Sam Rounds Repents.
Cosmopolitan Improvement stock
was strong and active during the ses
sion preceding the evening set for the
special consideration of its franchises.
Brokers who acted for Arthur Morris
stood on the floor of the exchange
and bid up the stock and took all of
ferings. The price mounted steadily,
tut rapidly. There was heavy selling
flora some unknown source, and at
the close enormous blocks came out.
The rumor spread that James Blake
was selling the stock. When his
representatives stood in the excited
mob and boldly proffered Cosmopoli
tan in thousand-share lots, the price
ragged, but Morris's agents came to
the rescue and it closed just below the
top figure.
A published poll of the council
showed a majority in favor of the
ordinances, and wise speculators pre
cicted that in the expected boom of
the morrow Blake would be severely
punished. Blake denied himself to all
callers. The transactions were re
corded in the name of John Hawkins,
r.ud that gentleman spent all of his
time with “Mr. Burton.”
Early in the day John 6ent for
Elake.
“Mr. Hawkins and I have arranged
to attend to-night’s session of the
council,” said John. “Will you join
us. Jim?”
“I’d like to, but I have another en
gagement,” replied Blake. “I’ll try to
drop in before the session is over.”
Long before the chairman called the
city fathers to order, the hall was
cloudy with tobacco smoke. There
was little that was impressive in the
personnel of the municipal Solons,
nor was their gathering marked by
dignity. It is a sad reflection that the
average city council is fairly repre
sentative of its constituents. It is the
mirror of urban ignorance, deceit and
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a.\' jyWD 77D 7720 <JC£yV2',~OiA2£
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set for the dinner. He waited with im
patience for Jessie, and was effusive
in his greeting when she entered the
drawing-room.
“You are more than prompt, Mr.
Morris,” she said, releasing her hand.
“I have something to say to you, to
ask you, Jessie. Are we likely to be
disturbed here?”
“I think not. What weighty secret
have you to disclose, Mr. Morris?
Pray be seated.”
The great house was silent, and the
yellow light of the setting sun flooded
toe room. Jessie was superb as sho
calmly awaited the declaration her in
tuition told her was forthcoming. She
could not find in her heart the slight
est feeling of pity or sympathy for
Arthur Morris.
“I have waited years for this mo
ment,” he said, dramatically. His
face paled slightly, but he was not
abashed. “From the hour I saw you
in Hingham I have admired you, and
now I ask you to be my wife. As you
know, I think a great deal of you;
more than I know how to tell you!
The governor—dear old governor!—
endorses my choice. Say you will
Lave me, Jessie!”
He had not forgotten the peroration
of his carefully prepared and oft-re
hearsed proposal, and concluded by
dropping clumsily to his knees. There
was more of demand than of plead
ing in his manner.
Jessie Carden’s eyes flashed as she
looked down upon him.
“Arise, Mr. Morris, and make an
end to this scene!” she said, as she
instinctively drew away from him. “I
cannot marry you. You must respect
this answer as final.”
Her voice was low, but firm, and
the dark eyes held no gleam of hope.
Morris struggled to his feet.
L “You told me to wait two years for
you, and I have waited!” he ex
claimed, harshly. “This is a strange
reward for my patience and for my
kindness to your father!”
“I told you I would not marry with
in two years. I have kept my word.
I made no other promise. I shall not
discuss your business relations with
General Carden. You certainly have
not considered me a part of them.
Since our dinner engagement prom
ises no pleasure to either of us. I will
release you from it Pray excuse me.
General Carden will be with you pres
ently.”
“Don’t go, I beg of you!” pleaded
Morris, as Jessie turned to leave the
rcom. "Your absence from the din
ner would—well, it would be very em
barrassing, don’t you see? I won’t say
anything more about—about marriage,
tut please go with us. Something
may happen which you would like to
hear about. You will go; won’t you
—Miss Carden?”
Jessie yielded to this miserable en
treaty, and a moment later General
Carden entered the room and relieved
an awkward situation. Jessie took
small part in the conversation as the
carriage rolled down the avenue, but
Morris chatted gaily with Edith Han
cock. He secretly nursed his anger,
bvt Jessie noticed that he studiously
ignored General Carden.
cupidity; of the varying grades of
venality, relieved by a sprinkling of
upright, but too often impractical
vren. Righteousness enactments are
wrung from such bodies only by fear
of public indignation, and corrupt
measures go down to defeat only when
detection and punishment faces the
purchasable majority.
John Burt and John Hawkins looked
down on this motley crowd of civic
statesmanship.
Various minor matters had been de
bated and decided when the chairman
announced that the hour set for the
consideration of the franchises of the
Cosmopolitan Improvement company
had arrived. A clerk read the ordi
nances, and each alderman was pro
vided with a copy of them.
Alderman Hendricks arose and was
recognized. He was the accredited
champion of the Cosmopolitan fran
chises. He made an able presentation
of the arguments in favor of the pend
ing ordinances. He was empowered
by his constituents to vote in their
favor, he said. They promised a much
reeded relief from the exactions of
a grinding monopoly. Theirs sponsors
were wealthy, reputable citizens whose
words were as good as their bonds.
There could be no intelligent, unself
ish opposition to these measures, and
so on to an eloquent peroration. It
was a good speech, and worth all that
was paid for it.
Others followed in a similar 3train,
though not so logically or grammati
cally. A well-drilled claque in the
gallery applauded at proper intervals.
Other speeches were made, for and
against the ordinances, and then Al
derman Hendricks moved the previous
question. It was carried, and the roll
call ordered. The clerk, pencil in
hand, began his monotonous task.
“First ward—Alderman Patrick?”
“A-aye, sor!” yelled a shrill voice.
The claque applauded vigorously.
“Alderman Saboski?”
“Aye,” sounded a clear tenor.
The gallery was again liberal in its
approbation.
“Alderman Rounds?” called the
clerk. »
A tall, awkward man rose and faced
the chairman. His red hair was plas
tered over his forehead, and his hands
seemed in the way. In one of them
he held a package, and In the other
some loose papers. He raised his
eyes to the gallery and they twinkled
as they rested for a moment on John
Burt %
“Mr. President, I desire to explain
my vote on these ordinances.”
There was no objection. The Cos
mopolitan partisans believed that Al
derman Rounds had been won over
to their side, and were willing he
should attempt to explain the reasons
for his change of heart.
“Mr. Chairman,” began Alderman
Rounds, placing his papers on the
desk, and with his hands plunged in
his pockets, “two years ago, when
the original Cosmopolitan ordinances
fame up for passage, I voted an’ spoke
against them. I was opposed to them
an’ said so. When these bills were
proposed I made a oareful study of
them. At first I was not in favor of
! them, but certain gentlemen present
ed the subject to me in a new light
an’ I agreed to vote for the passage ol
the ordinances now under considers
tion.”
The Cosmopolitan aldermen joined
the claque in the applause which fol
iowed this declaration.
"Mr. Chairman.” continued San>
Rounds, assuming an easy attitude it
ihe aisle, “I don’t suppose there's an>
one in this honorable body likes
money better’n I do. When I began
to make money tradin’ in hosses back
in Massachusetts it was like pourin’
kerosene oil on a red-hot stove. The
more I got the more I wanted, an’ as
some of you know I’ve done pretty
tairly middlin’ well.”
Sam Rounds reached out and picked
a small package from the table and
looked at it longingly. Alderman Hen
dricks turned in his chair and gazed
uneasily at the speaker. There was
something in his manner which caused
a hush to fall on the assembly.
“Mr. Chairman,” said Alderman
Rounds, slowly unwrapping the pack
age as he continued, “money is the
greatest argument in the world. Logic
is a fine thing, but money beats logic
I admire the man who has the gift of
eloquence, like my honorable col
league from my ward, but money can
give eloquence a handicap an’ beat it
every time. Money—”
“Mr. Chairman,” interrupted Alder
man Hendricks, “we desire to proceed
with this vote—much as we are
charmed by my colleague’s trite re
flections about money as an abstract
proposition. The question before the
board is the disposition of these ordi
nances. I demand that the alderman
record his vote.”
“Alderman Rounds has the floor,’
decided the chairman.
“Thank you,* I’ll not take up much
of your time,” said Sam Rounds. “As
I was sayin’, I’m uncommonly fond 01
money, an’ when the president of the
Cosmopolitan Improvement compan>
came to my place of business an
said he would pay me ten thousand
dollars for my vote in favor of thesq
ordinances, I just went plumb off my
center, an’ told him I would consider
;t. I couldn’t see anything else in the
world but that figure ‘one’ with four
ciphers after it, an’ a dollar mark in
front of it. Mr. Chairman, you nevei
had to work hard or trade for a livin’
an’ you can’t realize how I felt wher
. he placed this here package in mj
hand."
Sam tore away the wrapping anc
disclosed a layer of crisp banknotes 1
Every eye in the room was fixed or
the speaker as he stepped forward
and laid them on the chairman’s table >
Dazed and demoralized, no member o)
the opposition dared interrupt.
(To be continued.)
A Case of Conscience.
“You see, dot new clerk vhas rec j
ommended to me ash a sharp feller,’
said the dealer in second-hand cloth |
ing, "und so I takes a $10 coat cut ol
stock und slips oafer to my friend
Schmidt und asks him to send his
boy to der store mit it. Der boys goes
along mit a pitiful face and asks how
much?’’
'* ‘Two dollar,’ says my new clerk.
“ ‘But it vhas a new coat and be
longs to my fadder.’
“ ‘Vhere vas your fadder?’
“ ‘He goes by state’s prison for fife
years.’
“‘Den I only pay $1.50 for dot
coat.’
“ ‘For why?’
“ ‘Because of your fadder’s feel
ings. Suppose der Governor come tc
wisit dot prison some day und haf dir. ;
coat on his back? Shust see youi \
fauder’s feelings vhen dey shake
hand together und vhas like old
frendts.’
“ ‘But w-on’t fadder feel shust ash
bad for $1.50 ash for $2?’ asks dei
boy. ‘
“ ‘He may, my son,’ says der new
clerk, ‘but I get 25 per cent off my
conscience by changing der buttons.’ ’’
Mr. Hillyer’s Burglar Alarm.
Mr. Hillyer was a heavy sleeper
He was a man, also, with a chronic
fear of burglars. It was these twc
things that led him to have the win
dow of his sleeping room equipped
with a burglar alarm of the latest and
most approved description.
A few mornings after the device had
been installed he came down tc
breakfast with a grin on his face.
“I had a funny dream last night,’
he said. “I dreamed that a burglai
raised my window and the alarm went
off, but he didn’t seem to mind it. He
rumaged the bureau drawers, fount
my watch and pocketbook and slippec
out the way he came in. By the way,’
he added, “I forgot to bring down my
watch and pocketbook. I’ll go ano
get them.”
He went upstairs and returned in a
moment with an entirely different look
on his face. The watch and pocket
book were gone. It had not been a
dream.—Youth’s Companion.
When His Head Swelled.
As illustrative of the exhilarating ef
fects of liquor, Alderman Hammond
Odell tells the story of a switchman
who took a drink and felt that he
ought to be section boss. He took an
ether and said, "I ought to be a divi
sion superintendent.” He took two or
three more and felt that he ought tc
he general manager of the railroad
Then he took two or three more and
thought he should be president of the.
road.
In a few minutes the fast express
was approaching. The switchmai.
raised aloft his red lamp and brought
the train came to a standstill.
"What is the trouble?” inquired the
conductor.
The switchman slowly pulled out his
watch and said, “You are two minutes
late. Don’t let this happen again.”
The College Boy Chaffeur.
A new occupation for the self-sup
porting college boy during the sum
mer vacation has come in with the
automobile. Good chaffeurs are in de
mand and the automobile enthusiast
requires a chaffeur for every make oi
machine In his possession.
The daughter of a New York -multi
millionaire owns fourteen automobiles
lrom light runabouts to touring cars
and has eight chaffeurs in her employ
Self-supporting college men whe
have taken time during the year tc
make a study of automobiles have m
trouble in securing positions.
HOW TO BEAUTIFY THE
HOME SURROUNDINGS
HT"9'
Even an ordinary suburban villa,
erected in the stiff, stereotyped style
approved by the modern Guilder—in
accord with his conception of fitness
and economy—even a tiny, box-like
edifice composed of crude red bricks
and glaring paint, may be beautified
by planting around it many creeping
plants, and changed into a little nest
of foliage, recalling to the wearied eyes
of town workers \ isions of country
cottages and village life.
A covering of trailing greenery will
do marvels to soften down the violent
red of new bricks, transforming a
The Tool Shed,
house which is a veritable eyesore
both in shape and coloring, into a
bower of leaves and blossoms.
Virginian creeper deserves the first
mention on the list, for it will grow
anywhere, and it climbs so quickly
that it is worthy of particular recom
mendation, especially to all dwellers
in towns, where every bit of fresh
growing green is welcome. Late in
autumn it becomes a mass of glorious
coloring, its leaves turning every shade
from brilliant crimson to glowing rus
set and gold.
Other excellent climbers are the
Clematis Montana and the winter jas
mine; the latter, with its pretty yel
low flowers, is a great favorite. There
are several varieties of clematis which
do well outside a town, particularly if
the spot be sheltered in winter. The
blue Jackmanii is known to every one,
and the white variety, with its star
like blossoms, is justly popular. The
latter is particularly effective when
grown in proximity to the crimson
rambler rose. There is a pale blue cle
matis—Lady Bovill—which is very
pretty, but more difficult to rear, re
quiring some care and attention.
Two good climbing roses are the
Gloire de Dijon and William Allen
Richardson; the former is hardy, and
will thrive even in a northern or east
ern aspect, but the latter should be
planted on a south or west wall, where
it will get plenty of sun. Its lovely
Another Device for Concealing An
Unsightly Corner.
yeiiow ana orange mossoms contrast
admirably with the purple or blue flow
ers of the clematis.
For porches and lattice work there
Is nothing sweeter than our old friend
the honeysuckle, and beside it the ja
ponica; and for concealing ugly walls
Boston ivy grows quickly and has
small but very pretty leaves.
And here I would draw particular
attention to the untidy rubbish heaps
and ugly little outhouses for garden
ing tools, which so often completely
disfigure an otherwise trim and well
kept garden. With a little ingenuity
these blemishes might easily be reme
died and turned into quite pretty ob
jects. The designs given here may
probably be of considerable assistance
to those who may wish to devise some
means of concealing these blots. A
small potting shed is often essential,
and in it the garden roller aqd other
tools can be kept safe from damp or
other injury. By meaDs of some rough
shelves and pockets, improvised at the
sides and above the door for holding
plants (according to Fig. 1) the whole
appearance of the shed will be altered.
A few pretty geraniums—the ivy
leaves pink creepers grow quickly and
flower well—some pots of nasturtiums
of various colors, with mignonette,
lobelias, and marguerites should make
an effective show, and will require
very little attention beyond watering
in dry weather.
In Figs. 2 and 3 will be found sug
gestions for screening off dust bins,
cinder heaps, or any other disfiguring
excrescence near the back door or side
entrance, which, owing to its proxim
ity to the garden, would be painfully
apparent to any one there. Trellis
work made of thin laths of wood ac
cording to these designs, and painted
green, could be covered with trained
For Screening Off the Oust Bin, Etc ;
creepers which would soon effectually
screen off the offending objects. It is
important that these leafy screens
should be evergreen. I would suggest
that ivy should be planted in the bor
ders beneath to act as a permanent
background in winter; and the trellis
work may be beautified in summer by
growing some strong plants of hops,
which are most decorative when cov
ered with their grace tassels of green
ish-colored bloom.
Amongst numerous other climbers
which can be raised by seed for cov
ering palisades or wire fencing, 1
would recommend the Convolvulus
Major, which blooms with every hue |
the orange-flowered Eccremocarpus i
Scaber, and the scarlet Tropoeolum
Lobbianum—besides the high-growing ;
nasturtium with its varied blooms i
The planting and training of all these
pretty climbing plants will entail nc
hard work, only a little daily atten
tion and care while they are young
and this should be a labor of love tc
those whose tastes are artistic and
who like to surround themselves with
all things beautiful.—Montreal Her
aid. .
"LARNIN* ” OF LESSER VALUE.
irishman’s Story Showed It Is the
Brains that Count.
“When I was in Cork last," said
Ckauneey Olcott, “I got acquainted
v/ith one of those really good story
tellers who have helped make Ireland
famous. Some incident came up in
the local courts which brought out
the following:
“ ‘Ah, it isn’t always the lamin’ that
counts in a man. If the brains are in
him they’ll work without trainin’,
though maybe a little touchin’ up
doesn’t hurt.
“ ‘Now, there was me ould fri’nd
Tom Sullivan, who med piles iv money
on horse dealin’ in Cork’s own town
an’ was Magisthrate a’ all, though he
couldn’t tell his own name if he saw
it in writin’. Well, I mind the day
Sergt. Darcy brought Pete Garvey up
before Tom for bein’ drunk and dis
orderly in the public streets”—as they
say. Now Darcy was a bit of a bog
Latin scholar, and, thinkin’ to flus
trate Tom, he put the case this way:
‘ Pete Garvey in hoc signum stagger
um your Wprshippum.”
“ ‘Tom looked bothered for a minit
and scratched his poll. Then, with
one of thim sudden jerks of his, he
pointed to Garvey and thundered out:
“ * “In hoc finum bobissimum peeler
um,” and I declare he had to explain
10 thim reporter fellows who write
books every day that Garvey was fined
a bob, or a shillin’ if ye like, for bein’
drunk and disorderly. Oh, it’s the
brains, not the lamin’, that counts.’ ”
—New York Times.
Chinese and Manchuria.
A correspondent in the London
Times says that the Chinese care
nothing for the provinces of Manchu
ria. They form no part of the eight
een provinces which fill the Chinese
conception of his native land, though
they gave birth to the ruling dynasty.
This indifference may be real and
may account for the ease with which
the Russians have overrun the coun
try; yet Manchuria is worth fighting
for. _
Spain Bears No Malice.
Don Emilio De Ojeda, the Spanish
minister, who has just returned to
Washington from a five months’ visit
to his old home in Madrid, says that
tke Spanish people do not bear the
slightest enmity against America, and
that the development of Spain’s re
sources is going on at a wonderful
rate.
Faithful Service Rewarded.
After forty years of service as sex
ton of Grace church, on Brooklyn
Heights, Willian McKnight has re
signed. The church has voted him a
pen lien lm ~'£\
HE’D LULL THEM TO SLEEP.
Visionary Had Great Scheme for Use
On Pullman Cars.
One of the oddest ideas developed
recently was discovered by a man
who had advertised for opportunities
for investment. One of the answers
merely asked for an interview, stat
ing that the idea was too valuable to
be communicated by mail. It was a
straightforward business communica
tion and an appointment was made,
which was kept by a man who might
have been *a lawyer or a broker, so
far as outward appearances were con
cerned. Only when he began to talk
did it become apparent that he be
longed to the army of visionaries.
He found, he explained, that only a
small percentage of those who trav
eled in sleeping cars were able to
obtain rest, owing to the roar and rat
tle of the train. His invention was
designed to overcome this difficulty.
It was his plan to have small tubes
installed along the sides of the cars
below and above the windows. A
slight opening at each end of the
berths would enable one to plug in an
earpiece similar to those used in pho
nographs, and thus exchange for the
rattle of the trucks soft music to lull
them to sleep. One phonograph, he
explained, would supply the entire
Car, and a slight extra charge might
be made for the use of the tubes.
For the cost of the patent he was
willing to let anyone come in for a
half interest, and he was much sur
prised when this generous ofTer was
declined.
Oldest Brown Graduate.
Rev. William Lawton Brown, the
oldest living graduate of Brown uni
versity, has turned his ninetieth
year. He is a resident of Wrentham,
Mass., where he lives with a daughter
in a coxy home. His first pastorate
was in Ann Arbor, Mich., to which
place he came in 1836. There is only
one other living member of his class,
William H. Potter of North Kingston,’
R. I.
Mias Anthony’s Valuable Gift.
Miss Susan B. Anthony’s gift to the
congressional library at Washington
of several thousand letters from near
ly all the noted men of the last half
century is greatly appreciated. The
gift also includes a unique collection
of newspapers, which, with the let
ters, form a complete history of the
changes of the last sixty years with
regard to the,cause of women.
Oldest Postal Employe.
John D. Strassburg began work in
the Louisville postoffice in 1843, and is
srid to be the oldest postal employe
in the United States. He never has
been promoted.
4S A TREACHEROUS ANIMAL.
i
4lack Panther of Africa More Ferocr
ous than the Bengal Tiger. ,
Of all the big, dangerous cats, none
Is more unapproachable and more
treacherous than the black panther. I
Hailing from the heart of the deep
est African jungle, lithe and supple
of body, alert and nervous, this
stealthy marauder exceeds in ferocity
even a Bengal tiger. He is the only
big feline that the lion trainer does
not venture to train; and he is the
only cat so absolutely distrustful that
he shuns even the light of day.
Often he will lie all day long in a
dusky corner of his cage, his yellow
slit eyes shifting and gleaming rest
lessly. Even the feeding hour, when j
pandemonium breaks loose among the
oig cages, when hungry roars and
squeals mingle with impatient snarls
and impacts of heavy bodies against
steel bars, is apt to have no effect on
him. He may lie eyeing his chunk
of raw beef suspiciously, and not ven
ture forth until day has waned and
the last visitor has left; to tear meat
from bones with his long, white fangs.
In fact, so ugly and vicious is this
beast, that, frequently he turns on his
own kind, and in many instances it is
impossible to cage him, even with a
mate.—McClure’s Magazine.
The Departed.
The departed! the departed!
They visit us in dreams.
.^nd they glide above our memories,
Like shadows over streams;
But where the cheerful lights of home
In constant luster burn.
The departed, the departed,
Can never more return!
The good the brave, the beautiful.
How dreamless is their sleep.
Where rolls the dirgelike music
Of the ever-tossing deep!
Or where the surging night winds
Pale winter’s robes have spread
Above the narrow palaces.
In the cities of the dead!
I look around, and feel the awe
Of one who walks alone.
Among the wrecks of former days.
In mournful ruin strown;
I start to hear the stirring sounds
Among the cypress trees.
For the voice of the departed
Is borne upon the breeze.
That solemn voice! It mingles with
Each free and careless strain;
I scarce can think earth’s minstrelsy
Will cheer my heart again.
The melody of summer waves.
The thrilling notes of birds,
Can never be so dear to me
As their remember’d words.
I sometimes dream their pleasant smiles
Still on me sweetly fall.
Their tones of love I faintly hear
My name in sadness call.
I know that they are happy.
With their angel Dlumage on.
But my heart is rery1* desolate
To think that they are gone.
—Park Benjamin.
A Fund of Humor.
William Winter, the dramatic critic,
is thought by some to write the worst
hand of any man living. There may
have been giants in the past, men
like Horace Greeley, who surpassed
him, but no one his equal remains.
Some years ago Mr. Winter was
traveling in Scotland, and having had
many amusing experiences, wrote an
account of them to R. H. Stoddard, in
New York. Mr. Stoddard received
the letter at breakfast and, combin
ing familiarity with the intuitions oi
the poet, managed to make it out, and
enjoyed several good laughs. He
glanced up at Mrs. Stoddard and said;
’’It's from William Winter. Very
funny. Want to read it?”
‘'You know I can never read a word
of his writing,” answered Mrs. Stod
dard.
“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” replied
Mr. Stoddard, tossing the letter over;
“it’s just as funny to look at!”
Why He Was Called Literary.
John D. Rockefeller. Jr., is a great
reader of modern novels. Recently, it
will be remembered, he regaled his
Bible class with a series of excerpts
from G. H. Lorimer's “Letters From a
Self-Made Merchant to His Son.”
More recently still Mr. Rockefeller en
tertained for several days one of the
best known of American novelists.
This novelist has the habit of leav
ing books and papers lying around
him in great confusion, and one day
Mr. Rockefeller overheard a maid
servant comment upon hjs friend’s
carelessness somewhat humorously.
“The gentleman is literary, is he?”
said the maid. “Well, I suppose they
call him that because he is always
making a litter.”—Boston Post.
Mark Twain's Answer.
Mark Twain received a letter from
New Zealand the other day, in which
a small correspondent, in the midst
of the enthusiasm of the days of Tom
Sawyer and Huck Finn, asked him
plaintively if his name really was
Clemens. It probably was not, as
Clemens was the man who sold pat
ent medicnes in Wellington, and, be
sides, the writer was fond of the
name Mark—was there not a Mark
Anthony in the Bible?
The humorist was immensely
pleased with the whole thing, and
sent out an answer that may yet be
come an heirloom in the New Zea
land family. And one of the things
he said was: “As Mark Antony has
got into the Bible, I am not without
hopes myself.”
Immense Coil of Rope.
The largest coil of rope ever seen
in this city has been made for a tow
iine for the big raft of piling collect
ed by the Oregon Rafting company,
which is to be towed to San Fran
cisco by the steamer Francis Leggett,
now taking in her cargo of lumber at
(nman & Poulson’s mills. The huge
coil contains 150 fathoms of cable
four and three-quarter Inches in di
ameter, weighs a little over three tons
and costs in the neighborhood of $1,
)00. It needs to be stout and strong
and perfect in every fiber, for the
-aft to be towed contains 650,000 lin
ear feet of piling, equal to 6,500,000
'eet. lumber measure.—Portland Ore
gonian.
Shoes for a Giant.
A Calumet shoemaker has just fin
ished a pair of shoes for Louis Mol
icnen, known as the "Quincy Hill
giant.” Mollenen is 19 years old,
?tanas seven feet eight inches in
aeight and tips the scales at 300
pounds. The shoes are sixteen and
u quarter inches in length, six inches
i‘. width and weigh five pounds each.
M'.'.lenen will use them while at work
>n tne Quincy mine, where he Is em
ployed. A number of offers to exhibit
the young giant have been made by
showmen, but all have been refused.—
Chicago Recor 1-Herald.
Landlord Well Supplied.
The young man suffering from over
study arrived at the resort ii the
“lonely mountains.’’
“Ten dollars per day?” he gasped,
reading the rates over the desk.
“Certainly, sir,” responded the
suave proprietor. “I hope you win
understand that this is a nerve sana
torium.”
"I should say it is, and you have the
most nerve of all.”
Equal to Emergency.
The Collector—What! Mr. Owing
hot in! Why, there he is, before my
very eyes!
The Office Kid—Aw—wot! That
ain’t the old man. He's out! That's
only his shadow!—Jester.
Had the Bird Beaten.
‘ They say your uncle, who has just
come home from* the army, is terribly
addicted to swearing. Is that true?'’
“Well, you know how our parrot
would swear?”
“Yes.”
“When Uncle Henry first came here
he made a few remarks near the bird,
and it came over toward him and
said: ‘Say, you better get fn this
cage. I’ve lost my job.’ ”
Hia Title There.
“My wife and I are going to spend
the summer with her people at
Strong’s Corners,” said the meek, lit
tle man, “and I want you to mail your
yaper to me.”
“Yes,” said the clerk; “what’s your
aame?”
“Well—er—to make sure, I guess
/ou’d better address it ‘Mary Strong's
Husband, Strong’s Cornets.’ ’’
Regular Custom.
“Did you follow my advice abd send
your ‘mint-julep’ poem to the editor of
that Kentucky magazine?’’
’Yes; and he took it."
“Of course he did. Didn’t I tell you
no true Kentuckian would decline a
mint julep?”
“That’s all right; but he paid me
only 15 cents for it.”—Judge.
Not Quite Certain.
Gilroy—Parsons is a liberal sort of
fellow. He offered me a cigar just
now'.”
Butman—You didn’t take it?
Gilroy—No.
Butman—Then how do you know
whether it was liberality or merely
malice?—Boston Transcript.
Natural Deduction. •
Attorney—What do you do during
the week?
Witness—Nothing.
Attorney—And on Sunday?
Witness—I take a day off.
Attorney—How long have you bad a
political job?
His Secret.
Raphael was explaining his fame.
“It was easy,” he confessed. “I sim
ply told every woman on the block
that I had painted my cherubs from
hers.”
Bitterly he regretted he had wasted
his talents on art instead of’ shining
!n politics.—Harper’s Bazar.
A Misslip.
r** ■ ■" .. -_
Mistah Jackson (at the cakewalk)
—Look heah, niggah. doan’ yo* laugh
it me; doan’ yo’ laugh at me!
Mistah Johnson—I ain’t laughin’;
ny face jes’ slipped!
The Reader.
Rieder—I suppose I’m a blockhead,
out I must confess I don’t like Henry
lames’s novels.
Crittock—You may not be a block*
lead at that. The people who don’t
'ike his novels are divided into two
Masses—those who don’t understand
llm and those who do.—Philadelphia
Press.
Hard Work Ahead.
“Where are you bound now?” asked
Psyche of Cupid.
“The Atlantic coast resorts,” replied
3upid.
"But where are your bow and ar
rows?”
“Oh, I have to use a machine gun
Aere. It’s gone on ahead of me.
Why He Tarried.
Harold—You shouldn’t wait for
something to turn up, old chap; you
should pitch right in /nd turn it up
yourself.
Rupert—But it’s my rich uncle's
toes, old chap, that I’m waiting for.—
New York News.
Paradoxical.
“That child seems to be spoiled.”
“He is not spoiled. He’s entirely
?oo fresh.”
