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About Harrison press-journal. (Harrison, Nebraska) 1899-1905 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 23, 1899)
SKETCHES OF LIFE.! trV sr- UWT OF A REPORTER. does not know exact what hla llttU port hat coat him; there arc doubt law lacks of bills yet to ba presented Writing of tha Ufa of a. reverter. Mr. such Mils mm lit am tnr th. -h.rt.r i f lehael MacDonagh says In the Octo- I four tender, and $5,400 win for twsn bar Corn hill: - ty ssilmakera for three months R I rapraaaotad tha Freeman's Journal aldea thla. sir Thnmai mih tn& ua fm (Dublin) la tha terrible Orange rtou In hla steam yacht, hla aea home, tat Bmummi um. uier me introaucuon min, 1U0,000 more In fitting- her out, Gladstone's first home rule bill, and and another 1100,009 In entertaining hli Mn recognised one night In the guests during the visit. The most Im- nanklln road, the center of the Orange pressive feature about this array of Mstrtct, by a group of rioters. I was costs, is that the yachts upon which so Badly beaten. They laughed to scorn much has been spent are useless aftet my protestations that I had as little the races. The Columbia, for Instance, to do as they bad with the writing of can race no more, for there will prob- the leading articles, in which thev had ahiv h nn vn-ht i in n.r h mil been referred to in uncomplimentary for cruising she would be a failure. In terms. As they could not lay their a year or two her delicate hull will be nanus on tne editor in LWDlln. t Hey worth only the metal of which It is nil urcium iu nave u out wiin me. made. Another reporter waa sent down from Th inan r,nr k rht nwno.i in Dublin to relieve me during the fort- entertaining also reaches far into six night I waa confined to my hotel In figures. Commodore Morgan entertain. Belfast; and tha publication of rude ed at least 100 auesta everv race dav. remarks In the leading articles went and Howard Gould and John Jacob As- sn ail tne same. The Orange ruffians, tor entertained even a greater number the editor wrote. DaraDhraslne- the well I rsiiunn whim in in'. wuiriv known saying of an Irish landlord, 'are mistaken if they think they can lntlm- QUAINT FEATURES OF LIFE. !f.l.r ? n.rl.lrJ.7!,e,'!n "r" Ina Ruts, a Chicago woman, l .L iH,,? r V .VL appeared in court, charged with spank- bI, 7P of femA'e" h5 'ns her husband. The man. verV de- HhS h-n Z f.tL tJA overpowered him. and, taking him over liat2rsIJtaiJnJl,h'1' her knee- Pnked him. "Yes. I spank i.,?.? .iSfin. hlm bf" breakfast and before sup- atin. V III Jt Per each dy." admitted the defendant sni? -K,-er. .BJL5? mucn tler after I give him a good "Jn?? "ar? ,n Kth,Prorr y' "Panklng." She was lectured and cau and, taking up the huge bundle of cer- iiflC.tlr.Wh,Ch,.,.y flunJ5 " A dispatch from St. Louis reports a -Itn thimtrk'rrf vh.m; aauerkrkut 'amine in that city. What JLim ki-. Jk, J k .V uch famlne mea" ntrt understood e. L "? , ' J Am erkraut is the great popular dish of St. T.n!. Lf . lln n o" and occupies the place taken by "if ' th beans in Boston. There were heavy recovering from his momentary bewll- , ii ,, -rt dement he flung the certificates back 'r"' VmJSf "ninf f "4?" at the chairman, though not with so J?""' t.. T mjk .i n. "... - K . quently the cabbage crop was llgnt. Mn!iPPT.hLr When the "auerkraut makers came Into lessly over the colonel In a shower. m.riot hi. r.n n, .h.ir mriai "Not long ago a young reporter at- ,h. As ,fc ,Mnn tended a Salvation army meeting pro- t t Jum CabbaKM fessiona ly. As he was walking up the iold b tnJ toJ J ,t from hall 'lassie' stopped him anaked t M Now thpy brln(r $l5 to U a ton him the usual question, 'Are you sav- D th , d ' d h to t al edr 'Oh, no, I m a reporterf he replied tjat WhlSChV hfJnnen !nvnthlaV" lis Frances U Wood of Greenwich, What right had he to any of the lu- Conn haa rel!l(fned her po9Uon as OriOUanesS Of religion? loanhpr In th. North Streot dlstrint school on account of the gossip which arose among the residents of the WAR STRICTLY UP-TO-DATE THIS SCHEME WORKED WELL, A novel fraud by which a Minnesota neighborhood when It became known tank waa Induced Innocently to abet that she rode a man's bicycle and wore the robbing of a Montana bank has divided skirts. The parents of the perplexed recently one of the detective children feared lest the example of the aa-encles. Innulries made last week at teacner in tnis garo snoum nave a Daa a St. Paul hotel as to a possible guest I Influence. There were other complaints who wore a sik hat, a Prince Albret made, but when the town school otn. coat, and gray mutton-chop whiskers, cers slften them down all there was left revealed the nature of the criminal was the fact that she wore the offen scheme, says the Pioneer Press. But slve divided skirts In school and out of the Inquiring detective would not re- school. The town officers decided to peat names. let the teacher select her own apparel. A few weeks ago, said tha detective, Then It became a local iHsue in the dig the very respectable gentleman with trlct and Mlas wood resigned. the silk hat bought of a country bank An odd error made by the clerk of not far from St. Paul a draft on New the common picas court of Schuylkill Tork for 11.600. paying for it In cur- county. Pa., in 1888, was corrected In rency. He explained that he was going 1 the united states district court of to a small town In Montana and that I Pltsburg a few days ago. Natural! he did not care to lake so large a sum tlon papers were Issued to Conrad Fee with him In cash. Would the cashier I casseko of I-uqufne. In his petition kindly notify the only bank In that Fecasseko says that he went to Shen- Montana town that he had sold the andoah to take out his first papers In New Tork draft to Mr. Hat, and that 1888. When the clerk anked him hi Mr. Hat would cash the draft at the name he says he said it was "Kon Kontana town? Certainly the cashier dria," the Greek for "Conrad. The would write. He did write. And when I clerk did not understand, and again the owner of the draft appeared a few asked him his name. It Is claimed a days later at the Montana bank he witty Irishman who was present, to found not the slightest difficulty In relieve the embarrassment, told the cashing a forged copy of the draft clerk to put it down "Mike," and so 'Tou re Mr. Hat of Philadelphia. Of I It went. The mistake was not dlscov- course." said the exchange clerk In ered until when, Conrad alleges, Montana. "We received a letter from be applied for his second papers. Evei the bank that sold you the draft Let's since, he says, he has tried to have the aee? Tall, gray side whiskers, very mistake corrected at a great loss of subdued manner. Oh, yes! that's all time and money, but people will Insist right. Description, a matter of form, 1 on calling him "Mike. your know. Your signature? Exact, of course." I THE- TRAPPI8TS OF OKA. Bo, with apologies for taking the usi The story of Trapplst monasteries has nal precautions, the clerk, upon com-1 been told before, but not by the pen of paring the sltnatures of Mr. Hat ac-1 a woman. To such they have been cepted his receipt and gave him all In I forbidden ground. Even the guide gold, as became a banker of the mln-1 books, which, like a mirage, force one Ing state, f 1,(00. As the new customer I on, said that women must stop at the went out he made a particularly good I door. Those who have been there said Jake about the Montana weather. I that women were received in the parlor The old gentleman with the sub-1 and perhaps given a dinner, but not al dued manner had copied the original I lowed to visit any part of the grounds draft upon a blank that he had some- or buildings. So It was with many mis how secured from the Minnesota bank. The letter from the bank would nat urally have quieted any suspicion In Montana, for the letter gave, as usual, the number of the draft and other de tails, which were fully corroborated In the forged copy. Inasmuch as the let- glvings that I took the morning boat from Lachlne for La Trappe. But even the outside view of the monastery seemed worth the trip. The boat steamed up the Ottawa for two hours, passing many points hal lowed by the blood of the French plo- ler provea m me Montana nana inai neersv Tne boat now reaches Oka. a Mr. Hat must possess an original draft quaint Indian village, the landing place for the amount required, the bank for La Trappe. The stage was waiting would never entertain the thought that at the wharf, for the monastery lies in a forged copy would be presented by the hills three miles beyond. It was the holder of that original. Thus the filled with French people chattering at cashing of the forgery was easy. a hopeless rate. Only one spoke a few At once the gentle defrauder took the words of English. The prospect wan next train for Minnesota. He reap- dismal. These people spoke only In peered before the cashier of the Mln- French; the monks, so I had been In- nesota bank, and smiled through an formed, did not speak at all. But the unctuous apology. deity of chance was not to fail me that "I'm extremely sorry to trouble you day. The last passenger to get Into again, " said tne umane genuemaa, the stage was a Frenchman who spoke "but you see I've decided not to make mot excellent English. He knew the that Montana trip this montn. l nave i monks well, often visited La Trappe found a little real estate deal up In perhaps he could secure for "madame' England la going Into battle with a anlque array of modern war equip ments, stacnine guns, motor can and bicycles are not so novel, but wireless telegraphy Is an up-to-the-minute ac couterment the British will employ, while her balloon service has long been recognised as an integral part of her military system. L4ke all other first class powers, England has for some years past had an army balloon depart ment a school of instruction In the use of such "air ships," and a staff of trained aeronauts to attend to their manufacture and working. For obvious reasons, the utmost se crecy is observed as to the compos! tlon of the "envelope" (or outer casing or the balloon), for upon the material employed therein largely depends the utility of the air ship of any descrip tion. In the days when silk "envel opes" were In use, the adventurous aeronaut was continually exposed to difficulty and danger. For Instance, if the silk were not thickly varnished, it let the air In with singularly disas trous results to the occupants of the car. If, on the other hand. It were varnished, the casing became so brittle that It was constantly cracking and thus causing the unwelcome escape of or gas. .THE AERONAUTIC PROBLEM. Consequently the problem with which the military aeronaut was confronted was that of discovering a material that would combine In one lightness, strength and inperviousness to the atmosphere. For a long time the task seemed to defy human ingenuity. The art of "bel ligerent aeronautics," however, is not one that stands for any pronounced period. As a result, after repeated ex periments, the balloonist's efforts have now been crowned with success. The fabric at present adopted for the man ufacture of the "envelopes" of war bal loons at Aldershot consists chiefly of what Is known as gold-beaters' skin, which is delicately descriped by an English journal r i the "lining of the Internal portions of the anatomy of cattle." This is soaked in a potash solution and treated with isinglass and alum water. The various sections are then sewn together Into an air-tight homogeneous mass. The extreme light ness of the material thus prepared may be estimated from the fact that Its 2,500 square feet of surrace (the ordi nary size of a war balloon "envelope") weighs but 170 pounds. Such a case Is capable of holding 10,000 cubic feet of iras, and of raising a dead weight of 700 pou ids. As a general rule the car in which the aeronaut Is carried Is made of wicker, with a band of hickory wood to bind It In size, the following are the measurements usually adopted: Height and width, Z feet 3 inches; length, 3 feet 6 Inches. It is attached to a hoop by means of the best Italian hemp rope available. This hoop is connected with the cord network that incloses the whole of the balloon's "envelope." The "breaking strain" of this rigging Is something over 500 pounds; nevertheless, It weighs but one pound to the hundred feet OUTFIT IS EABORATE. With so much paraphernalia about .t the complete outfit of a balloon eec tlon is necessarily rather elaborate First of all, there Is the balloon Itself, with its "envelope," valve, net, car, hoop, grapnel, spare rope, aeronautical instruments and ballast. Then there Is the wagon on which It Is packed, and to which is attached a drum with wire rope, for holding the balloon cap tive when necessary, and a telephone apparatus for communicating with the occupants of the car. Finally, there Is a second series of wagons, contain lng the cylinders of compressed hydro gen for Inflating the "envelope. As to the uses to which a balloon ran be put in warfare, there are so many and so varied that they cannot be more than lightly touched upon here. Foremost among them, of course Is that of reconnoltering the enemy position, photographing his camp and sending reports (chiefly by means pigeons) of such observations to head quarters. Then, despite the fulmlna tlons of the recent peace congress against the proposal, it seems extreme ly likely that they will also be used for dropping explosives from the cloud onto the ground occupied by a hosti! force. Indeed, special shells for tht purpose are a part of the equipment of all war balloons. Accordingly, in tne next great European campaign, when both sides are similarly prepared, and war balloon thus meets war balloon then, Indeed, will "come the tug of war." Especially thrilling would be a duel to the death, under these clrcunv stances, between two rival aeromotlves It would also be one in which the danger would be equally shared by spectators aa well as principals. PPECAU l IO. St Paul where I can Invest the money to better advantage, at least for the present Now, will you be good enough to cancel your draft here?" extending the bona' fide original, "and let me have the tl,600?" The Minnesota cashier was as agree able as had been the Montana clerk Tha agreeable Philadelphlan received his second fl,800. He smiled. The cashier smiled. The Montana clerk had kept smiling when he thought of the affable stranger who made so pleas ant a little loke about the weather, Everybody continued to smile until the Montana bank drew upon the Minne sota bank for $1,600 advanced upon a draft Then there was but one emller left the polished, the respectable, the witty Mr. Hat of Philadelphia. THE COSTLIEST SPORT. T the men Immediately Interested raUrnatlonal yacht raring Is the cost liest sport In the world. The bill for the yachts themselves, tor ouuaing, al terations, and repairs, will smount to fully t0,0 for each; the expenses of racing them will cost their respective owners easily 1250,000 more. Here Is a cool million Just Tor building and racing the boats. The sails alone cost as much as an ordinary sailing yacht The Columbia's sails are said to have cost even more, for hers were woven to order from Egyptian and Sea Island cotton mled with silk. The expense of maintaining the crew was, or rather Is, enormous, for the boats are not yet out of commission. It Is said that the skipper of the Columbia receives 12,000 for his services. The salary of the mats Is IIM a month: the second mate, 4t; the four quartermasters, ftt month each, and the thirty-two members of the erew sack ftt. rood for the crew costs easily tm a month: each tender noeowsanylng the yachts costs MM for the few weeks of the season, and re ana tonnage cost aeoat far sash yacht BstUaatse , at the msaireri nave some special privileges. The stage wound slowly over the low hills. It would be hard to find prettier scenery than that along the Ottawa. Now the river Is in sight, now hidden from view, until suddenly La Trappe appeared before us. The building is In the form of a square around a central court It Is made of gray stone, with several towers, and Is very picturesque against a background of green hills. Both the building and the location are new. This building was erected In 1M0. The old monastery Is further down the hill, and Is used for an agricultural school. The monks are excellent far mers, as the fields, vineyards and or chards testify, but not one was to ba seen at work at that hour. The good fathers and brothers were taking their noonday nap. They dine at 11 o'clock, then sleep from 1140 to 12:30. They certainly need tha rest, for, while they retire early at 7 In winter and I In summer they rise at I In the morn ing. The Inscription In Latin over tha door bespoke a welcome: "Happy are they who dwell In the house of the Lord." The white-robed fathers received us most cordially and talked freely, tho for the most part In French. Borne of the brothers were also present. They wear the brown robe. The first Inquiry and a very hospit able one waa whether we had had dinner. Of course no one would dlno elsewhere with a dinner at the convent In prospect The meal was soon served for guests are always expected, but they are with rsre exceptions, man. Ta them La Trsspe Is freely open aa any country home couia oe. The dining room was ugnt and am and spotlessly clean, with a touch af the feminine In the muslin curtains at tha windows. The repast waa bounti fulroast meat, vegetables, bread and butter, ana wine not a imy nana af It, but a waoie tamsierrai reuowsa by eider, serves aa GLOBE OF FIRE. Easton (Md.) Special In Baltimore Sun: Some people In Royal Oak and Its nelghborhod last night witnessed a rare electrical phenomenon a large globe of fire rolling about in the atmos phere. Mr. Philip M. Pastorflcld, a careful observer and accurate In hla statements, thus describes the phenom enon: "I was standing, looking from my back porch toward the stable, before H had rained much, when suddenly I saw on the ground about twenty-five feet from the stable a balloon-shaped mass of fire about as large as an or di nar hogshead. It was like a ballotfn upside down, with the stem pointing upward. Almost instantly it exploded with a tremendous report like a can non, and sprays of fire flowed from It In every direction. I am positive It did not come down from the clouds, as I could not have helped seeing It If It had. Strange to say, no damage waa done by It to anything around. I waa sure that the amount of fire that flew from It In all directions would set something on fire, but on examination I could not find anything injured. A cow was standing within fifteen feet of It, but was unhurt. My children, three of them, with the hired men, were in the stable, and were badly frighten ed, but not hurt. Two stacks of fodder close to It were not even scorched. The ground waa not disturbed In the least, and the whole matter Is very mysterl. ous to me. I would like some scientific man to give me an explanation." A gentleman of scientific attalnmenti says: "1 have known only two or three Instances of a similar appearance, yet It Is a phenomenon that does happen at rare Intervals, and one that no one nan been able to explain satisfactorily by any of the known laws of electrical rhe nomena." w Reyman, a New York rycllst, who itarted out from Got hum two and one half years ago to make a trip around the world on his wheel, has arrived al Han Francisco on the United Ststes transport Warden, having worked hlr pasass-e from Nagasaki as a dishwash er. His money gave out at Moscow, and his wheel having broken down h had to "too It" across Hlberta and Mancharia. The colonel walked out into the gar den wheie the warm, mol.. inell of the earth announced the aovent o. spring, and watched Uncle Dick Porter clearing1 away the winter's litter, pre paratory to an early spadin?. A plump, speckled hen scratched around In close proximity to the darky, who, all unconscious of the Colonel's presence, glanced once or twice at the fowl, and several times drove It away with an earnestness that was almost fierce. "Go 'way!" he said. "Ah done got 'llglon now, yo' heah me? Git yo' be bln me, Satan!" and then as the pullet squawked and flew awkwardly away in answer to the throwing of a pebble. he raised his eyes piously and ejacu lated: "Praise de Lamb I Ah done got anothah victory!" The Colonel, who understood the dar ky nature as well as he did horses, could keep still no longer, but burst Into a laugh. Uncle Dick looked up quickly. "Ah'm done glad you see mah vic tory, Mawse Kunnel,' he said. "Ah sholy is saved. When a cullud man can 'slst a sassy pullet like dla hyab he aln' gwlne have no trubble ter reach dem puhly gates. Da's so, Kunnel, it sholy am. An' yo' don need put no lock on yo' chicken house now, fob Ah done got 'llglon." The Colonel, who never dreamed of locking his henhouse, counting the "lifting" of a nice fat Plymouth Rock now and then as a natural prerogative of the African race and an unmentloned part of the wages, put on his most judicial aspect. "Why, have you been stealing my chickens. Uncle Dick?" he asked. Uncle Dick scratched his head for a moment in perplexity. It's dls hyah way, Mawse Kunnel. Dey ain't no cullud puhson ever steal. Mebby dey llf a half a dollah and a yelleh-leged Domlnickah ef dey hain' got de savin' grace o' de Lamb in dey souls, but dey doan steal. Dey jes' kaln help It. It's jes' laic ole Mose White, what done got scotched by de debbll. Oie Mose he done walkin' thro' de woods one day an' he meet de deb bll face to face, an' de debbll he say: 'Mohnln' liose, Ah'm mighty glad to see yo' look In' so well dig mohnln.' an' he hole out he han' foh Mose to shake. But Mose he look down an' be see de debit's tall buhnin' a ole In de groun' an' he put he hands behln' him. 'Yo' gwan away, Mistah Debbll,' he say. 'Ah doan want no truck wld yo.' "Den de debbll he put he han' In he pocket an' he draw out a dollah. " 'Doan yo' be 'f raid o' me, Mose,' he say, 'Ah'm gwlne be you' friend". Hy ah's a dollah Ah done foun' er while ergo, an' Ah done say, "Ah'm gwlne gib dls hyah to Mose White, 'case he need it" An hyah it Is.' "Mose he want dls hyah dollah mlgh-, ty bad, 'case he think he might buy a voodoo bag dat keep de debbil away, but he see It gettln' red roun' de ridges an' he feahd to tech It' " 'Yo' gwan away, Mlsto Debbll,' he say. 'Ah aln' neveh done yo' no hahm.' "Den de debbil he scratched he hald an' think a minute, an' den he reach In be coat tall pocket an' hand out a watehmelyon an' he say: " 'Hyah's a fine watehmelyon Ah done fotch along foh yo' Mose,' an' den he bus' It open on he knee an' de red hyaht done stick up lookln' cool an' sweet an' crumbly like, an' Mose's mouth done watah so bad he kyaln't hahdly hole heself. But he look down at de debbil's hoof, whah dtejfs little gTeen fyah flickertn' aroun' an' he done holler. " 'Yo' gwan way an luff me erlone, yo' Mlsto Debbil. Ah doan' wan' none o' yo' ole watehmelyon.' "Wei, de debbll he neveh lose he patience; he jes' think, an' blmeby he reach back an' haul out a piece o baked possum smokln' hot, wld de pos sum grease drippln' off on de ground', an' he doan say a wohd; he jes' hole It out whah de shine o' dls hyah grease glint Into Mose's eyes an' Mose he done double up wld de watah drippln' out de cohnaha ob he mouf an' be wrastle wld de speerlt an' he yell out: 'Foh de lan's sake, good Mlsto Deb bil, please go 'way. Ah aln' gwlne hab none o" yo' ole possum no how.' Den de debbll he done grin an' h rech back an' haul out a nice, fat young pullet, an' it done roasted brown all oveh wld de yellow meat showln. thro" an' de gravy drippln' down, an' whah It split open undehneath the sage stuffin am' buatin' out, an' de debbll hole it out whah de hot steam done git up ntll Mose's nose an' Mose's eyes pop out an' he tongue hang down wld de watah drippln' off de aln' an' he breft come hard, an all ot once de tempta tion ob de debbll ovehcome him an' he sink he teef Into dls hyah tendeh meat an' de debbll scotch Mm, an' he nebber come back no mo'. An' Ah done b'leeve, afteh all, Mawse Kunnel," he contin ued, with glistening eyes and moist lips, "dat yo' betteh lock up dls hyah henhouse, afteh all. Becase dey aln' no tellln', Mawse Kunnel, when de grace ob de Lamb gwlne 'sert a cullud puhson an' luff 'lm backslide under dt temptations ob de debbll." THE VOLCANIC BATH. In Parts of California tha Peopla Taka Pluna-se In loo-Cold Mud. Volcano baths are the proper thing nowadays In certain parts of Califor nia and Mexico. Down In Mendocino county, California, such baths havs become most frequent The volcano bath is not a water bath, says the San Francisco Bulletin, nor is it a fire bath or a lava bath, as might be supposed. It Is a mud bath, and no ordinary mud bath at that Ice-cold mud of a bluish tint and the consist ency of freshly mixed mortar is the ele ment into which the bathers plunge, splashing and spluttering. The way they manage is unique. A sapling is felled from the forest near the volcano craters, stripped of its limbs, carried to the crater and placed across it, so that each end of the pole rests on firm ground. Fancy yourself sliding out on one of these saplings stretched over off Into the middle of a gurgling, bub' bling. Ice-cold mass of mud and swing ing yourself there, suspended by your hands, until fatigued! Then, with just life enough left to crawl back along the log you reach unyielding ground again. Once plunged Into one of the craters of mud with all ties to the sapling sev ered, a person would be lost forever, being swallowed up in the murky depths in an Instant, for vastly quicker in action and surer of Its victim than quicksand is the mud of Mendocino county's mysterious volcanoes. Cleanliness has nothing to do with it It is not for that that people face the dangers of the volcano bath. The mud which Is belched forth from the earth's interior Is supposed to contain Impor tant medicinal properties. There are about twenty-five of these singular mud-belching volcanoes In Mendocino county, and they are among California's many wonders. They are situated high on a mountain side, seven miles from Cahto. At this time of year they are unusually active. Their gur gling roar may be heard for a distance of several miles when they are most violent. The mud frequently shoots evr the rim of the crater, flows down the mountain side like a lava stream and enters one of the Eel river's trib utaries called Mud creek. It fills the craters, which are about five feet aboev the earth's surface and bounded with a circular base or miniature crater from four to seven feet in diameter at the base and two or three feet at the top. Prospecting parties have hewn down saplings fifty feet in length and pushed them Into the mouth of a crater. Some of these have disappeared altogether. Others remain near the surface, play things of the muddy element, which tossses them about like fishermen's bobbins In a rough sea. A significant coincidence Is the fact that when the ocean, twenty miles away, is unusually heavy and rough the volcanoes become Intensely active, belching forth not only their burden of Ice-cold mud, but vol umes of warm vapor. In some mysteri ous way the ocean seems to control their action. When she saw the golden hair upon the shoulder of her husband's coat she was at first inclined to grow sick at heart. For her own hair was as black as the raven's wing, But her rare good sense did not for sake her. ' Almost at once she recalled, with a thrill of relief, that the cook's hair was golden, and that a plate of soup hsd been spilled In her husband's neck at dinner. "Oh, what a good husband he Is," she mused, radiant. Of coarse, this fable Isn't true. It la designed simply to show women how thoroughly their happiness Is a mattsi within their own control. A Wouian Solp at Auction. An unfortunate old woman, poor, her usefulness gone, her friends driven from her by her peculiarities incident to old age, has just been sold at auc tion to the lowest bidder by the over seer of the poor of Lackawanna town ship, Pike county, according to the Milford (Pa.) correspondent of the Syr acuse Post-Standard. Despite her age, however, her mind is active, and she startled the auc tioneers by bidding In herself. The woman who waa put on the block is Mrs. Elmlra Quick. She is 77 years old, and has resided nearly the whole of her life In Lackawaxen township. Her sale at auction was In pursuance of a custom which has long prevailed In that township. It has been customary for the various poormasters to sell the poor of the township each year to the lowest bid der in preference to being annoyed with the case themselves, and about the beginning of the year a large sign with the glaring headline of "A Woman for Sale," can be seen posted about the township, for It seldom befalls a man to become dependent upon the district. The successful bidders, in addition to receiving a small allowance each week from the poor authorities for the main tenance of the indigent, manage to get much work done about the house by the unfortunate. Mrs. Quick, It is asserted, has long been subjected to such drudgery, and her mind has long been at work to de vise some scheme whereby she might thwart the plans of the poor-master and bidders at her annual sale, and at last she has been successful. When the bidders assembled at War ren K. Rutan's hotel, at Rowland sta tion, the overseer of the poor, Mr. Rosencrance, a former Pike county commissioner, and Warren Rutan, who also acted as auctioneer, took the floor and announced that a "woman was to be sold the lowest bidder for keep for tne year. The room was crowded and many outside clamored for admission to the little hostelry. The bidding started at 14 a week and was very spirited. The auctioneers were about to knock down the woman to a backwoodsman for $1.60 a week when Mrs. Quick, who had been a silent listener to the pro ceedings, arose from her chair and quietly said: "I will bid 15 a month. I will have no trouble to maintain myself on that amount." This turn in the proceedings was wholly unanticipated, and created gen eral surprise. How was the aged wo man to live on If cents a day? No one seemed willing to go below Mrs. Quick's bid, and the auctioneers saw no alternative but to aell the wo man to herself, and the papers were accordingly drawn up. Mrs. Quick is a widow and has three sons and a daughter, but none seems willing to care or provide for her, and she drifts sbout as a pauper on the township. The annual sale of the poor each year at public auction has no sanction in law In Pennsylvania, and It is only la Laehawaaen township that the practice Is adhered ta. HOMCOCMNG. 1 1 A spirit of melancholy bad settled down over the divinities at the saaeV house down In the alley. Conditions tat general favored such a mood. Ginger Kelley had come to out of a disagree able lethargy of longer than the usual duration, and was pouring balsam over his wounds at the bar. "Bughouse' Pete was painting his hull black and getting ready for action. Gloom had settled with the soot over every coun- . tenance. "I dunno," said the outlaw, "how It'a to be done, but I've got to go home and butt in. We signed a treaty UV peace last Chewsday at home, and I agreed to came back regular and. get my laundry, but now It's all off again. The lmpresiaon of my last meeting with my wife will go with me to the grave. I trudged up Nannygoat Hill wldout aa idee in the world as to how I could bow myself in. Then Just In the nick uv time I wuz struck wld a Inspiration. I snlks Into a penitential air and un packs a few boxes of Mexican an' gits ready. I unlocks the parlor door, goes in and sets down. My wife comes la and I don't say a word, but looks for lorn at de carpet an' sighs." " 'Well, what's de matter wid yous'T says she. I don't answer, but rips out anudder sigh. She stand and Ioks at me wid her arms at her side. Den I breaks de Ice. 'Mary,' says L 'here's one al unworthy us a good woman ilka yousself and de cumfu table home yaa keeps so clean an' tidy. I'm gain' to da dogs; dere'a nuttin' to It' " Why don't youa go to bed?' aba says, moderatln'. "'No,' says I. 'I ain't worthy uy a civilized bed. I'll jes' lay down here 00. the floor an' sleep, or lay out on tha steps.' "Well, by George! she stod for it and put me to bed, uv course. I sneaks out de nex' mornln', when I ketch bar off watch an' hain't been back since. "Las' night I wuz comin' down by da White Elephant an' I meets One-eyed Williams, who has ben wadin' troo de rye for upwards uv two weeks, an' he carries a bundle dat looks like wash under his arm. '"Where yous goin'?' says I. ' ' " 'Goln' home,' says he, wid tears ia -his whiskers. An' den he exnlalna about not havln' seen his wife and family for so long, an' how he wua takln' her a little present In order ta round himself up wld her. At first I didn't know what to purchase, but at las' I gits me lamp on the proper ar ticle to fetch her,' an' he puts the bun dle under his arm in a fatherly way. " 'Morn' 14 pounds uv choice sausage,' says he. 'Now what do you think ut that?' " DOMESTIC PLEASANTRIES. Detroit Free Press: "You will not forget me, won't you, dear?" she plead, ed by way of softening the harshness of her refusal. "Sure thing!" said he, "you know I'd do anything to please' you." j Boston Transcript: Coddle Well, I suppose R's time to get up. Mrs. Cod-i die Why, has the alarm clock gone off? Coddle I don't know; but tha baby has gone to sleep at last Indianapolis Journal: "Undone Mo by a woman!" said Mr. Lushforth. weeplngly. Mr. Lushforth, at that pry. etiological moment, was gaxlng dream. Ily at the shoes of his feet that the wife of his bosom had kindly unlaced. Chicago Tribune: "Millie, dear, what Is your papa's objection to me?" "Ha says you don't seem to have any defi nite object or purpose in life, Harry." "Yet he knows I've been coming to see you for five straight years!" Detroit Journal: "I understand they fell out the next day after they were married." "Yes, the newspapers gave a column to their wedding, and they disputed as to whether It was because of the prominence of his family or of hers." Chicago News: Her Father And I s'pose you expect. If I consent to lot you have my daughter, that I will set you up la business and make you richT Mr. Bappieigh No, I really haven't any sucn extravagant expectations as that I'm willing to take her Just for my board and clothes. ' , Washington Star: "A, woman," re marked the man who assumes superior airs, "haa no sense of humor." "WeH," ' answered his wife, "when you consider how often she Is requested to laugh over serious matters like houaeoleaa lng and Easter bonnets, I don't think you ought to blame her." - ' Chicago Tribune: "h have called, Mr. Bllllwlnk, to tell you I love your daugh ter. Miss Fanny, and I want to marry her." "Well, It will not take me long to answer you, Mr. Harkalong. Tou can't, have her." "Your refusal pains ma deeply. By the way, Mr. Bllllwlnk, are you carrying all tha life insurance you want?" PRATTLE OF THE YOUNGSTERS Tommy I'm going to ba a lawyer when I grow up. Uncle I thought you were going to be a minister. Tommy So I was, but there's more fair play In law. Ministers is always Jumping oo Satan, and he don't get a chance to talk ' back. "Pa, Is Admiral Dewey a full ad miral?" 'Tea, my son." "He's a aalt water admiral, isn't her "Certainly.'' "And you are sure he's a full admiral V "Of course he Is." "Well, how can ha keep full on salt water?" A little boy of 4 years haa a way Of referring with great deference to hla sister, not yet 6. She waa learning a verse for Sunday school, tho last Una of which was: "Drive tha shades af ash away." "Mary," he said, earaaatty, "what la 'sin awayr " "I aoa't know, Johnnie," aha answered, yaat aa aan ousry. "Bat mamma puta aaossaaaaa'' Into cake: let' ajs and aaft her Hcst Us way' -" Vr -. .V "4 4 - I J- 1 r'