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About The news-herald. (Plattsmouth, Neb.) 1909-1911 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 7, 1910)
MASY WAS POLITE. She Amentisd tho Message She Dallv ered tu t!ia Doctor. A very pompous tlo.tor id in charge of tho female wards ti u uoted char itable lustiiutluu lu London. One evening about ! o'clock Mary, a new Irish servant girl. knocked at the doer of the doctor's ollke. Miylnjj: "Doctor, the head nurse vauts you to eouse down to supper." The doctor, swelling lu Ids pride of superiority above the nurses, scut the Irish girl away with a curt message. Half an Lour later the head nurse came to his room looking very serious. ''Doctor," she said. "No. 8 Is very bad indeed. I think you ought to see her at once." "Why did you net let me know be fore?" was the reply. "Why, UoctiT." said the uur.se. "1 seut you word by Mary half nn hour ago:" "The fool!" said the doctor. "She told me to come dowu to supper!" "Why." said the nurse, "1 sent you word to come dowu to eight!" An Inquiry made the whole thing clear. Mary thought It more polite to say "Come down to supper" thua o say "Come down to ate." Won His Bet. A gentleman in Dublin. npeaLIng of the Irish, said that nothing ever sat Isiied them and that he was willing to prove Ids words ou a wager that If ho should go to the door and call a cab. no matter what fee h: would give, the driver would ask for more. The wager was taken for 10. The gentleman called a cab, drove about a quarter of THE CABBY BETUIINCD. a mile, stepped out and handed the driver a I t shilling gold piece, the legal fee being 1 shilling. Cabby drove off. The gentleman who had takeu the wager was exulting in his triumph when suddenly the cabby returned and. touching his ha't, said: 'Tlc-ase. sir. have ye a durty thre'peuny bit about ye? It would be such a pity to break a bright piece of gold like this for a drink!" Hitch Your Wagon to a Star. Hitch your wagon to a star. Let us not fag In paltry works. Let us not He and steal. No god will help. We shall find nil their teams going the other way. Work rather for those In terests which the divinities honor and promote Justice, love, freedom, knowl edge, utility. Italph Waldo Emerson. A Test Question In Theology. Sls-yenr-old Walter had a Dew little wagon, and It was very dear to his: heart. Sunday wns a long day. and after getting home from Sunday school he brought his treasure around ou the front lawn to enjoy It. But his father, who could not have the Sabbath bro ken In the face and eyes of passersby, remonstrated with him. telling him to take It around to the back yard. "Why can't 1 play with It here, papa?" "Why. because It Is Sunday, fny son!" "But. papa. Isn't It Sunday In tho back yard?" asked Walter In surprise. The Wrong Laddie. A gentleman on a walk from one of the suburbs of Glasgow happened to call at a farmhouse, where he was readily supplied with a glass of' milk, lie offered the woman sixpence, but she declined all payment. "I couldna tak' money for 't." sho snld In her own proud way. The gentleman expressed his ac knowledgment and went on his way. but at the garden gnte he detected n small boy playing. Surely, he thought, this Is the lady's son. So ho put his hand In his pocket to give him the sixpence wheu he heard a shrill voice. "That's na ma laddie, sir." Then there was a pause, and the voice nftcrwnn' resounded, this time directed toward a small boy nt the side door. "Gang oot. Wullle, an' speak till .the ulce gentle man at tie gate!" A Name Like College Yell. From a crowd of rah-rah college boys celebrating a crew victory a po liceman had managed to abstract two prisoners. "What Is the charge against these young men?" asked tho magistrate be fore whom they were arraigned. "Dlsturhln' the pence, yer honor." snld the policeman. "They were glvln' their college yells In the street au' makln' trouble generally." "What W your name?" the Judge nsked one of the prisoners. "Ro-ro-bert Ro-ro-roll!ns." stuttered the youth. "I asked for yuur uume. sir-not tot tvldeuoe."-EveryUudy's Ua&slue. HE WAS INDIGNANT. A Business Transaction That Made the Old Man Bristle. A general merchant In u good sized country town was waiting upon nn aged farmer lu his store when the old inan pointed to a quartet of Ice cream freezers. "What are they?" he asked. "Ice cream freezers," explained tin merchant. "Want one4 They're only $2." "Ice cream freezers," mused the old man. "They freeze mlik, don't they' Will they freeze anything?" "Sure," said the storekeeper. "Freeze water?" asked tho old man Interested. "Freeze anything liquid," said the storekeeper, laughing. The old man paid for one of the freezers and drove away. Three days later he returned. Ilis beard was bristling with indignation, and he eyed the merchant fiercely. "You're n robber!" he said. The merchant gasped. "You told me that thing would freeze water." went on the old man Indig nantly, "and I took It home to freeze some water and make me some Ice. and my nephew said you had to put Ice In It before It would freeze any thing. Glmine my $2." The merchant weakly handed him $2, and the old man strode out and hasn't bought anything else nt the stOi-e since. Wanted Sympathy. To the leader of n band In a small city, jocularly spoken of in Its locality as "the worst in seven different states," there once came n man with a request that the band j 1 n y at a cousin's fu neral. "Is it a military funeral?" nsked tie leader. "Not at all," was the reply. "My cousin was no military man. In fact, he was never even Interested In mat ters military. Nevertheless it was his express wish that your band should play at his funeral." The leader was surprised and nat tered. "Is that so?" he asked. "Yes," responded the other. "He said he wanted everybody lu town to be sorry that he died." Stories of Douglas Jerrold. On the lirst night of the represent a tlon of one of Jerrold's pieces a suc cessful udapter from the French ral lied him on his nervousness. "I," said tho adapter, "never feel nervous on the first night of my pieces." "Ah. my boy." Jerrold replied, "you nre al ways certain of success. Your pieces have all been tried before." He was seriously disappointed with a certain book written by one of his friends. This friend heard that Jer rold had expressed his disappointment and questioned him. "I hear you sold was the worst book I ever wrote." "No. I didn't," came tho answer; "1 said It was the worst book anybody ever wrote." Of a mistaken philanthropist Jer rold said he was "so benevolent, so merciful n man he would have held nn umbrella over a duck In a shower of rain." Resolution. No man Is lit to win who has not sat down alone to think and who has not come forth with puriose In his eye. with white cheeks, set lips and clinched palms, able to say. "I am re solved." I'.ulwer. The Weeping Whale. A captain of one of the popular At lantic liners was regaling a little group of ladles with sen stories. "One trip." he said, "there wns a woninu who bothered the officers and mo to death about whales. Her oue "I WAXT TO REE A VI1ALE BIX JiBEM." desire was to see n whale. A doze times a day she besought us to hnv her called If a whale hovo lu sight. "I said, rather Impatiently, to her one afternoon: " 'But, madam, why are you so uux lous about this whale question?' " 'Captain.' she auswerod. 'I want to see a whale blubber. It must be very Impressive to see such au enormous creature cry. " Not Appius Claudius. At a pageant given In an English town commemorating Britain nt tho time of the Roman occupation a young wctunn spoke to n tall, burly aud shiv ering man whose Roman toga hardly protected him from a raw, penetrating east wind. "Are you Appius Claudius?" she tsked eagerly. "Me. miss?" he repllud dismally. "Mo 'sppy ns Claudius? OU, se, I'm aa'nppy as 'nUT The Plaiismoufli ill Install Telephones on Short Business rate per month $2.00 Residence rate per month $1.00 650 Telephones on the Platts mouth Exchange. Office Next Door to Post Office. The Platlsmouth The Kansas City Weekly Star The most comprehensive farm paper All the news Intelligently told Farm questions an swered by a practical farmer and experimenter Exactly what you want In market reports. One Year 25 Cents. Address THE WEEKLY STAR, Kansas City, Mo. F. M. RICHEY DEALER IN Building LUMBER, Estimates Furnished. . Prompt Attention to Orders. YARDS AT PLATTSMOUTH, - - MYNARD, NEBRASKA. - - - NEBRASKA. 8" Rcxall 93 Hair Tonic Kexall Amerieanitis REMEMBER REXALL REMEDIES ARE SOLD ONLY AT THE REXALL STORE Rcxall 93 Shampoo WITH A Rcxall Mucntonc POSITIVE GUARANTEE F. G. FRICKE & CO., DRUGGISTS EXPERT PILL MIXERS. PlatU. phone 180. Bull phono G3. V Uonll Cwry aiee. H Telephone Co Notice Telephone Co Material LIME, ETC. 1 lUiU Orderfe.. The F7 i crap book A Sensitive Soul. A HHir foreign mtmlclau was doggedly wrestling with his trombone outside nn Knglisli village inn. He knew that "The Lost ( 'Inner whs somewhere In that Instrument, imt the latter seemed loath to part with It. At length tho landlord appeared nt the door. The poor musician bowed '"HIE LOST CnoltD WAS SOMEWIIKIIE. and. dolling his rnp, paid, "Muslg hath jarms," uud mulled. The Innkeeper smiled also, and kindly. "Well, not al ways," hit said, "but try that tune. "YOU VOS lilClllT," l.K SAIU Hl.OWt.Y. on I Hide that red brick house and I'll give you sixpence." Three minutes later tho trombonist was back again, mud bepnttcrcd and forlorn. "You vos right," he said slowly and sadly. "Muslg hath Janus not always no. A mad Yellow out ov dnt house came, and me mlt a brlgg he knocked down yes. He not like that tune, no, no!" And he rubbed the back of his head. "I thought he wouldn't," snld the landlord. "He's Just done a month's hard labor for stealing a clothesline froiu a back pardon." Ambition. "The narrow vale Is not for me!" . Cried one allame with youth's fierce tires. "I'll climb a mountain peak and see The world and all my heart desires!" 'Twas lonp and hard. On bended knee lie reached the top. What mournful cry! He could not see Arc dimmed his eye! -"Heart Throbs" In National Magazine. Particular About the Plates. A Washlngtotilan who has lived nt hotels and rcstnurauts nenrly all his llfo and who is notably nbsentminded. especially when absorbed In talking alMJtit a subject that Interests him. went out to dinner the other night. lie had plunged Into a discussion be fore dinner and wns continuing it ani matedly throughout the dystor and soup courses. When the fish plntes were placed on the table ho followed the usual custom of the man who lives nt hotels and wiped tho plate off with his napkin. Instantly a butler re moved it aud placed another. Deep in his discussion, the guest wiped that oue with his napkin, and the butler replaced that. This hap pened a third time, and then the host ess snld: "I'leaso do not do that nny more. I assure you the plntes are per fectly clean, and, besides, I have no more of that pattern." Saturday Even lug Tost. An Ignorant Salesman. An uncouth looking and overdressed young mail entered a drug store and f-nld: "Gimme a brush!" "Very goi d. sir," said the polite as sistant. "What kind of a brush a toothbrush?" "Toothbrush! Xaw!" snarled the young man. "What would I want a toothbrush fur? Do ye think I've got hnlr on my teeth?" A Very Common Crime. A certain Judge who had got Into the way of using a regular form of ex pression when imposing sentetices. snys Arthur Train in "The Trlsonor nt tho liar," wns sentencing a ninn for the crime of stealing a ship's anchor, which he had carried awny lu a dray drawn by six horses. The Judge, who could not escape from his regular formula, pronounced sentence In these terms: "You hnve pleaded guilty to the crime of stealing a ship's anchor." Then, raising his voice, he co!:'.!nued with perfect so lemnlty: "The crime of stealing a ship's anchor Is Incoming entirely too preva lent. I sentence you to three ; .nrs and a half lu prison." Don't Stay .own. And If you fall, why, rise again. Ret up nnd go on. You may be sorely bruised and soiled with your fall, but Is that nny reason for lying still and giving up the struggle cowardly? Charles Klngsley. Unprotected. A little girl wns greatly Interested In watching the men In her grandfath er's orchard putting bands of tnr around the fruit trees and nsked a treat mnny questions. Some weeks later, when In the city with her moth er, she noticed a gentleman with a mourning band around his left sleeve. "Mamma." she liked, "w hut's to keep them fro on erawHitf ap hJn other m7"-KTrjre4K'i MmMm. Tili A FEAST THAT FAILED. The 8tory of a Raccoon That Wsi Not Served For Breakfast. In the old days, and not so very old cither, tho custom of school teachers "hoarding around" was tho usual thing in country districts. Al though n custom which teachers sel dom liked, it is doubtful if many of them had as hard a time ns a young schoolmaster who described his ex perience in tho New England Gal axy for 1817. The article wns writ ten by Leonard Apthorp, then nn undergraduate of fiowdoin college. The young schoolmaster wns to re ceive $15 a month und his board: From tho first day I perceived that I wns nt board on speculation and nt tho mercy of a close calcula tion, he writes. Ono day the whole dinner consisted of a single dum pling, which they cnlled a pudding, and live sausages, which in cooking shrunk to tho Fi.c of pipestcms. There were five of ns nt tho table. A few days afterward on my re turn from school my eyes were de lighted by the sight of an animal I hod never seen before. It was a raccoon, which tho young man, Jon athan, had killed and brought homo in triumph. When skinned he seem ed to be ono entire mass of fat and of a most delicate whiteness. I was overjoyed and went to bed earty to dream of delicious steaks which tho morrow Mould hring. Long before daylight I heard tho family stirring, and the alacrity of quick footsteps and tho repeated opening nnd shutting of doors all gave assurance of tho coming holi day. I was soon ready for breakfast, and when seated at the table I ob served that tho placo of Jonathan was vacant. "Where is Jonathan?" I asked. "flonc to market," said they. "Market! What market, pray ? I did not know there was any market in these parts." "Oh, yes," they said, "ho is gone to about thirty miles to tho southward of us." "And what has called him up so early to go to market ?" "lie is gone," said they, "to sell his raccoon." "The Man of Destiny." A very interesting pen picture of Napoleon is drawn by John Cam Ilobhonsc,' afterward Lord Brough- ton, in his "Recollections of a Long Life." lie writes: "I had for some time a most com plete opportunity of contemplating this extraordinary being. His ,face is of a deadly pale, his jaws over hanging, but not so much as I had heard. His hair is short, of a dark, dusky brown, lie generally stood with his hands knit behind him or folded before him and three or four times took snuff out of a plain brown box. Once bo looked at his watch, which, by tho way, had a gold face and, I think, a brown hair chain, like an -English one. His teeth seemed regular, but not clean. Ie very seldom spoke, but when he dd smiled in some sort agreeably. Ho looked about him, not knitting b'.it joining his eyebrows. As the front of each regiment passed he put up the lirst linger of his left hand quickly to his hat to salute, but did not move his head or hat. He had an air of scdute impa tience." Sail Bearing Fishes. Various marine animals possess organs which, raised above the sur face, act ns sails, by means of which they are propelled along tho water. Among these may bo mentioned tha Portuguese mun-of-wnr and tho pa per nautilus. Certain fishes, it ap pears, use the same method of pro gression, the dorsal fin acting as a sail. Urousonnet called such fishes Toksons voiliers. And the scientific name histiophorus (sail bearer), giv en to a genus of fish, implies a sim ilar belief. In a contribution to tho zoological Jahrbuch Imis Dollo claims that other genera are also sad bearers. He svfgests also that among the cetaceans the grampus and bottle nosed whale may make a similar use of the dorsal fin. Too Big a Job. 1 While studying her Sabbath-' school lesson nine-year-old Eliza beth was much piuzled by the state ment that Solomon "repaired the breaches of the cily of David, his father." This was to her mind a remarkable statement, and quiie in comprehensible. After ponderi:v; it deeply sho aslced one of the older members of the family for an ex planation, saying that she did not think any man could "mend the breeches of a whole city." Lippin cott'a The Life Giving Touch of Sympathy. A man may have become almost a demon, he may have resolved upon inv mortnl bate and study of revenge, but let him once feel tf;r life giving touch of sympathy an 1 love, and the seed, long dormant, will spring up and bclag forth Its hat-rest in the fle)4 rf life J. C tellers, Jr.