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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 4, 1893)
CHPITRL CITY COURIER LONG ENGAGEMENTS. tHE DECIDED DI8ADVANTAQE3 OF A PROLONGED COURTSHIP. Cynthia Marlowe Tell Why a long Engag. mnt I Drawback to Any Woman IU Amletlet, Uncertainties and Annoyanee. Tonth the Time to Marry. ICorrright, 1800, by AmcrlcAD Pnu Assoeta- r tlon.l 8Afc JWav IIE stnto of cngngcuiout is ono of glamour. Ev erything is or ought to bo coulottr do roso. Up I to tho period when tho first inovitnblo quiirrol or iliflforenco of opinion occurs nnd theso only spico tho now lifo of anticipated partnership with variety tho engaged ones drift together over n BUiuiner sen of pootry, lnughtcr and song. Thoro tiovcr wero such cyca or hnnds or lips ns they discover in each tthcr, such loving, trusting hearts. This Lb nil very pretty nnd quito ns it should be, nnd tho best of it is that youth docs not tnouopolizo tho situation. Every engagement, founded on tho right basis of mutual preference, respect nnd sympathy, exhibits this charming, rose ate picturo to tho world, and tho world rejoices in it. Dcspito tho cynics hu mankind does most distinctly doto upon lovers. That is why novels nro read rlth such continual avidity, why plays novcr tiro of interest, and why tho ra conteur when ho tells a lovo Btory is al ways euro of an attcntivo audience. After mnrringo of courso comes disil lusionment, although with persons of romantic temperament this phao is held in nbeynnco, and, by tho way, when tho romnntics hnvo plenty of tnonoy to keep them abovo tho groveling lovel Bcnsitivo natures cannot grovel with dignity nnd grace thoy aro porhaps tho happiest bouIs to bo found enjoying tho doubtful compensations of married lifo. Their eyes uro novcr quito opened to tho dread realities of burned soup, leaky pipes, mountainous grocer bills nnd un trained Bervnnts. Thoy calmly riso abovo theso Rcourgings of tho flesh, nnd from tho Bcreno heights of philosophy gazo upon tho scrambles of their fellow men with p. otic indifference, sccuro only In tho selfishness of mutual lovo. Their engagements wero unwritten blank verso, and thoir united oxistenco never devol opes a semblanco of tragedy. Tho ro mantics, however, aro scant in num ber, moro's tho pity, and tho disillusion ized ones aro named legion. Properly speaking, tho engagement is merely tho interval of preparation bo fore marriage tho definito opportunity to provido wedding garments, to scttlo business plans, to decide upon tho do tolls of a lifo togothor. Ordinarily a year, or, at furthest, two, aro deemod Bufflciont to this end, but when tho pro bation stretches on indefinitely ono must concludo that tho man in tho caso is either "a laggard in lovo and a dastard in war" or elso that tho "fair Ellon" must bo puin fully lacking in charms. At any ruto tho long engagement, al though probably first invented to suit the convenience of impecunious suitors, is a mauifebt drawback to any woman, moro especially bo to ono of a lively spirit. Socially sho is ostracized, in a measure, from tho companionship of all other men a being sot apart, marked and labeled yet dobarred, by iron bound conventionality, from that daily intimacy with tho ono to whom sho la promised which her peculiar position, as well ns hor nffectionnto and sympa thetic nature, prompts. Necessarily as tho years go by sho must feel herself just outsido of tho happiness sho has fancied, and which her moro fortunato sisters, who nro married nnd Bottled, aro either quailing boforo or facing with a bravo, tranquil and wifoly front. Tho long engaged woman can never assume this front. Her lifo nnd fato nro too dis tinctly uncertain. This state of uncertainty is perhaps tho worst fenturo about tho long en gagement. It produces a wavering and vacillating condition of mind which is always deplorable Two peoplo aro bound togothor by strong bonds; but, un like tho vows of tnurriigo, thoy nro en tirely dissoluble Either ono can breuk tho engagement at will and marry other wise so that being set apart and consid ered engaged , yet lmuntod by tho fear that at any timo tho fancy for another faco may mar each other's happiness, cannot bo regarded us a tranquil plight. Quito tho rovoreo. This dlfiiculty, moreover, is heightened when separation is neces sitated, nnd imnginntiou takes n hand In conjuring up now fears. No engagement, oven under tho most favorable circumstance, with everything assured, enn represent completo tran quillity. It is after all but a jHiriod of trial and expectation. Thero is always tho lurking dread that Bomo unforeseen futo may interveuo to snatch away tho beloved object nnd render lifo desolato forover afterward, but this sense of in security is jicculinr to every sort of lovo. Tho long engaged girl soon becomes tho target of endless surmise from solic itous relatives and friends. As tho sea sons chaugo and spring and fall marry ing times como around thoy bother them solves continunlly with tho question, "Whon will tho wedding tnko place?" This becomes exceedingly annoying, Sho Invents plnusiblo excuses for tho appar ently ueedlesa delay. Sho shields her lover's tardiness in nnming tho day nnd stands forth as a monument of icy reluc tance This is n tax upon her resources, but sha Ih powerless, Sho is u woman: ijvm. 7" .zc - ' r !jfWV5 l I F '- ' Bno must submit to tho order of things; sho must bo engnged fifty years If ho so decrees. Meatttimo hIio boos hor beauty Blowly waning, for nothing is no damaging to n woman's looks ns nnzioty, and this the long engagement undoubtedly begets. As hor personal attractiveness slowly departs she Ioboa, nt tho nnmo timo, tnnt blooming consciousness of power which is its invnriablo concomitant, nnd whon this has taken flight she is but a remnant cf hor former self, liko a balloon with out ballnst or a sliip without provision. Bho hates herself. Tho idea of marriage after so tiresome an experience bores her. An engagement which onco enmo un der tho writer's attention had lasted for Blxtecn long years. Originnlly tho young woman lintl been blooming nnd beau-1 tlful, but as tho hopeless years crept on . sho finally settled down into tho dec orous thirties without crimps. Tho , man, on tho other hand, had gone west . to mnko his everlasting fortuuo, bo that ho might return and wed tho queen of j Ids heart; but alas, ho hnd suffered many , falls from tho path of strict fidelity t nil , trusting flancco novcr imagined how i many other girls thoro wero to whom ho i hnd protested undying dovotion. She went on trusting. Finally ho grevr tired of it all and enmo back to Ids first love's feet sho who had bolioved nil of , his ndrolt falsehoods about tho postpouo- ments of their mnrriago from timo to timo, tho prolongation of their engage- j ment, nnd hnd uovcr murmured. J They wero married, prosaically enough, but what wero their chances of happi ness? Sho hnd waited year nfter year, until tho light of hopo had almost died from her eyes, always believing thnt ho would bo loyal nnd true. Denying her self to all other claimants sho had lived on in solitude, a lifo which is but antici pated widowhood, equivalent to that of tho Boparnted wifo, but far moro inso euro nnd dependent, until sho had bo como nn object of conjecture wondor ment, sometimes pity. Then, nt last, when mnrriago actually camo to end her long vigil, thoso old dreams of her heart had fled. Now duties wero burdensomo; attention to a husband's wants and whims was tt boro. Sho had grown fas tidious nbout mnny things. Trifles wor ried nnd irritated her. Sho was now too old; they had been Boparated too long to adapt themselves to each other's ways. That mutual giving and receiving some times Been in tho mnrringes of younger peoplo of contrasting disposition was lmposslblo with them. Discord was in ovitnblo. I hold that tho world's standnrd of honor upon tho engagement question is all wroug; that, being only n period of trial, no censures should attach to either ono for breaking an engagement from good nnd sufficient cause. Nor, on tho other hand, should it bo onterod into lightly that's whero tho consuro lies. Men and women do bo frequently dis play such absoluto Irresponsibility by en tering frivolously Into an arrangement which thoy novcr intend to consider se riously, and wliich thoy break at tho ear liest convenience, whon thoy havo tired of tho novelty of it. Not infrequently tho prico of bucIi lightness and flippancy be comes tho cost of a precious lifo, when nnnwaros a heart has bocomo entangled in tho meshes. Tho engagement where lovo exists only on ono sidoisan interesting study. Theso aro ofton arrangod by tho advico of mu tual friends for pecuniary reasons or for somo good social cnuso. Suppose, for instanco, that lovo is on tho man's sido only, tho girl not possessing dislike, but honest respect, and perhais kindly ro gard, she being merely acquiescent. Tho compact is made. Tho girl soon finds herself obliged to submit to tho cnroscs of a man to whom her heart docs not fully respond, and sho robots against this penalty. Every engaged man, savo icr hnps a f ow grand courts or other lessnrctio fiances who regard tho fair object idol atrously, considers this his privilego as an nccopted lnvor; but, beliovo mo, thero is nothing bo repugnant to tho feelings of a woman not in lovo. Whero this re pugnance exists it growB and grows un til her former indifferenco has developed into activo hatred, and no courso is left to her savo to break tho engagement as speedily as possiblo. Sho longs for rcloabo. Sho looks for ward to marriage with dread nnd dis trust of herself. Tragic thoughts assail her. Sho is willing to do anything to bo free to work, to suffer only to bo re leased from thoso bonds which havo grown so galling. All men nro not gen erous, nor do thoy all 60 readily relin quish tho prizes they havo held in hand. It is not always so easy to break an en gagement. Much is involved. Perhaps it lias been announced in tho newspa pers; congratulations havo been received; tho plans nnd bids for a house hnvo been accepted; tho wedding cards may oven bo in tho engraver's hands but no matter: it must bo broken nt any hazard. Again, supposing that it is tho man who finds ho has made an egregious mis take. Ho has discovered that tho woman is inordinately jealous or vain or irre ligious or untruthful quali.ies which manifestly unfit her to become his ideal wifo and ho desires to part with her. She, being in lovo, nnd perhaps tho stronger nature of tho two, exhibits her skill in tho hysterical line, nnd brings such feminine tactics to bear, by wuy of holding him to his bargain, ns mako ro leoso well nigh impossible. Could such a mnrriago promise hnppl ness? From just such unions grow tho startling tragedies that fill our newspa pers. Tho ounco of prevention utilized in tho breaking off of an utterly uncon genial engagement would not havo been misspent. Henco I say tho code of honor is faulty upon this delicate point, nnd yet tho subject is so individual, so dependent upon a thousand little unex plaiuablo circumstances, that regular laws can never bo laid down for tho guidance nnd protection of tho uniniti ated. Tho law of contraries sometimes appears to bo tho only law in such cases, for frequently tho stormiest engage ments prfcsda tho calmest r.n.l smooth est of married lives. Many honorablo men, when their hearts nro awakened, hesitnto to address tho object of their preference until their "visiblo Income" Is entirely awmrort, anc thcreforo retire from tho field uucon fessed, lotting concealment prey uxr their noblo natures. It is questionable whether such n proceeding is just and fair toward tho object inspiring such ro gnrd. A woman is left in doubt thereby Bho, keenly intuitive, has long bIiico (11 vined that his heart is hers, but tin words hnvo not been spoken. And it ll becnuso ho could not say, "Will you marry me?" nfter "I lovo you" that lib Hps havo been sealed. So ho rides away, and ho lingers long. Sho ponders ovel his strango silence, and tho thought ol his absonco sinks deep into her heart All other men bocomo ns dust. Only the absent ono, who hns never spoken, whe may nover spenk, but whom sho fervent ly hopes will speak somo day, can win her heart's constancy and devotion. Dili this is an everyday Btory nnd require! no telling. Years nro nover reckoned In Bitch lovo stories. In my opinion, although opposed tc long engagements, tho duration thcredi lina vnpv llfilit tin tH1t 4lw ntinollnn ' ellt IUIJ IUWU fcV lt f JIM illV 1JS.1VOHVMI presented. Tho longer an engagement is tho greater is tho tax upon tho young woman's tointier, bo that frequently when tho mnrriago takes plnco aftoi stiuh a delay her disposition is quito in verted. Hut tho fact remains that if il is of such quality ns to hnvo its stnndard of equanimity thus lowered, how could It possibly stand tho wonr nnd tenr ol married life? If tho girl has tho tact, forco, adaptability, to riso nnd meet mid ' anticipate her husband's requirement! ' with sweet, womanly grace, sho will j mako ngood wife, depend upon It , no mat ter whother engaged for ono nhort, rosy ' month when sho lives in tho poetry nml j dines on tho honey of lovo in lifo with ' nil tho glory of youth enveloping her1 or whether sho waits twenty long, trust- ful years while her lover builds up o fortuno sufficient to keep her in tho nf-' fluonco sho hns enjoyed in tho maternal j mnnsion. Most men mako tho colossal mistake of their lives by binding n womnn i ' them by engagement when their scheme ' of lifo is all unsettled nnd their definite ' income nil. But when a innn loves he ' must tell it, nnd having told it ho must get nn nfilrmntivo answer to amount tc nnything as a breadwinner, nnd having gained her consent ho must hold her by nn engagement until such timo ns he can possibly bo married, or elso some poncher will como trespassing upon hh presorves and crush all hopo forovci from his heart. And bo it goesl It it trito to say that nil men nro moro or lest selfish, but thoy nro moro so in lovo tliao less. Cynthia Maiilowe. An KntcriirUIng- 'Womnn Kill tor. Mrs. E. J. Schoficld is known nt hot homo in Providence ns nn editor, write! and teacher of tho first rank. Several years ago her husband was editor of Thi MRS. E. J. SCHOr-IELD. Democrat nnd sovoral other publications, but business troubles compelled him tc leave tho city immediately. Mrs. Scho ficld took tho helm and beenmo editoi nnd mannger. Tho paper prospered n novor beforo in her caro. Running a nowspaper Booms easy enough to Mrs. Schoficld and docs not occupy half hoi timo, its Bho is u frequent mngazine contributor und conducts n shorthand and penmanship school with her usual success. Scarcely thirty-fivo years ol ' ago and in tho primo of lifo, this brilliant woman is considered ono of tho hand Boniest women in Providence Her beau tiful, stately figuro is Been at mnny oi i tho swell affairs both in Newport nnd Providouce, C. S. New Honor for Women. Two ladies nro to bo judges nt the dog show of tho World's fair. The young Now England woman who makes a specialty of tho rearing of St. Ber nards is ono of them. Sho is n judge for this clnss. Tho other lady is from Philadelphia, and Is ono of tho judges for nil classes of canines. Thero nro five judges for tho dog shows, nnd two out of tho flvo nro women. WorkhiiK mill Needlo Hook. A convenient workbag and needlo book combined is mndo of a 15-inch square of figured china silk, two yards of inch ribbon, somo bits of flan nel n n (1 t w o cards. Cover the cards with the silk after laying somo iierfumoj wadding on one side. Fasten to gether by over casting tho sides. Sew tho silk to gether, leaving it open four inches nt ono end, split ting tho opposito side tho same distance down. Hum and run a caso for tho ribbons to close it. (lather tho other end (two rows) nnd overcast it to the outer edges of the needlo book. This will throw tho book into tho bag, roncenliug it entirely when closed and tied with the ribbons attached midway tho book. Pretty world this would be if women hud uomnins of getting information be yond asking their husbands nt home! POINTS FOR WOMEN. llmlkcKin. If you want bookenso curtains thoro aro plenty of now materials to select from, but It always seems rather a pity to havo them nt nil. Perhaps thoy aro necessary on open shelves, but if you havo a bookcase with glass doors do let tho books bo seen through them. Noth ing furnishes n room liko books. Tho backs of your favorito books are like .friends' faces. Even shut up and stand Ing on n shelf when you haven't time to read them they nro company. Besides, curtains give a whimsical suggestion that they nro Intended to hide not tho books, but tho lack of them. Yellow. "I should liko to know," said somo ono coiuplalnlngly the other day, "if yellow Is ever going out of fashion. I am get ting tired to death of Boeing it. No; be cause it isn't becoming to mo hns noth ing to do with it. lied isn't becoming either, nnd I ndoro dark rod. Hut yellow is such a gaudy, flaunting color. It seems to mo essentially vulgar to uro so much of it. It should only 1h used in llttlo bits. Then It is very effective. Why , I can remember when nobody could havo worn yellow." "Thnt was a good many years ngo," said her companion, laughing, "nnd I won't 'givo myself away' to that extent. Don't you know" "Oh yes, I know nil nbout Hitnflowers nnd (vsthetieisui mid Oscar Wildo. Don't toll mo again." "I didn't mean to. I was going to tell an nnecdoto of somo English nrtist who invited his friends to como and see n room ho had just furnished. Everything wns yellow or shading to yellow or gold on, nnd somo of them said it was hideous ns you would havo done. Now thero wns nothing on tho mantelpieco, but presently tho artist camo in bringing n pair of vases of n peculiar shade of yellow and set them there. That shade was the missing note that had been needed to bring tho whole room into harmony, and then everybody said it was lovely." "Well, I don't mean to hunt for that missing shade any longer, nnd my now curtains shall bo of some other color." A Tulo uf llrloki. FIvoclcnn, now, perfectly plain bricks lay on tho floor, and tho girl who hnd brought them in surveyed them with approval. "I suppoBO," said tho scoffer, "you aro going to wind them with ribbons nnd put them on tho parlor table." "Not exactly, but como around n week from todny nnd seo thoso bricks, nnd you'll wish you had them. They nro all to bo useful, nnd somo of them orna mental." Seven days later tho scoffer was intro duced to a group of nrticles which sho failed to recognize "Brick No. 1," said tho showwoman proudly, "is a paperweight. I nover had a moro satisfactory ono." Tho Iurgcst surfaces of tho brick wero painted dnrk bluo, ono of them forming n background for n spray of dclicato white flowers. Tho sides wero left tho original color, and tho wholo was covered with a coat of transparent varnish, through which the blue showed liko enamel and which would keep it clean. "It stays put," ex plained tho decorator, "and that is what ono wants in a paperweight." Brick No. 3 was not very pretentious. It was covered neatly with curing, with a loop of braid at ono comer for a han dle "1 hnvo that behind tho door to keep it from striking against tho wall. Liko it better than a knob out from the wnll. "It's useful, too, to keep tho door open or half open, or as I want it. You know everybody leaves tho door open in winter, and thojr just as surely shut it in summer." No. 0 looked liko a glorifi. ' copy of No. 2. It was covered with velvet and adorned with a big bow of ribbon (at which tho scoffer smiled) nnd had loops of ribbon for handles. "This is u ribbon weight. You know tho best way to keep ' ribbons nice, the children's hair ribbons f,,r Inst,.,,,.,. j f fi,i ti ,, ,i ..., them under n weight. Ono Kcnerally ., , j.... puts them under tho pincushion, but that's a makeshift. This makes a capital press for ribbons nnd for gauzo veils us well." Brick No. 4 formed tho foundation for , n ,,in ,i nce,u0 ciihIiIoii for tho sewing table, too heavy to bo mislaid or taken elsewhere And brick No. 5? Well, sho confessed that that had been left in its unadorned simplicity. It wns intended to bo heated and wrapK'd in flannel nnd to servo as a bed fellow for cold feet. A Now 1'iibrle. Thero is a fabric which will certainly bo very popular for ordinary summer gowns, nnd that is tho Japuneso cloth in plain colors. It is a yard wide and costs fifteen cents, and it has nn appearance of great refinement about it. rolnta. It is nn oft repeated libel ngainst a woman that sho can't sharpen n twncil projK'rly. Now this is nil nonsense Ono reason a man does it better is because ho generally has a better knife A boy regards a knife as a necessity, nnd ho is generally furnished with a fresh ono every Christmas. Holms a dozen uses for his kn'fo, and when ho grows tip tho habit is fixed, and he keeps himself pro vided with a good one. But a woman's knifo is half tho timo a toy affair, and when its first edge is worn off it's ubout fit to cut cheese. That's ono reason. Then a man has a lofty disregard of tho carpet. Ho cuts freely and lets tho chips fly about tho room and take caro of themselves. Ditto with tho jxiwdored lead thnt he scrapes oil'. Sometimes ho makes a platform of his thumb, which of course Is the best way if it didn't got so dirty. Hut a woman has a housewife ly instinct that leads her to lay down a pajK-r and cramp her ojKratious. yet in spite of these disadvantages a woman can mako truly beautiful iniints, which are an inspiration when she comes to write. M. Hki.j:s Fkazkii I.ovktt. Sanitary 222aBBaaV lnmTrHStflaaBkllrvSM JiiAiwjnrfKmrt!BBWrMBM UUa A 'm4 - PKmaHa? ItSiPi 1305 150,000.00 TO LOAN At six per cent, per annum and a cash commission or at eight per cent, no commission, for periods of three or five years on well located improved real es tate in Lincoln or Lancaster count)'. INTKKIJST ALLOWKD ON SAVINGS DEPOSITS DEPOSITORS HAVE ABSOLUTE SECURITY. Union Savings Bank, 1 1 1 South Tenth Street. Industrial SavingsBank Eleventh and N Streets. Capital Stock, $250,000. Liability of Stockholders, $500,000 INTEREST PAID ON DEPOSITS, Wm. Stull, Prcs. J. E. Hill, Vice-Prov Louis Stull, Cashier, Directors. D E Thompson, C E Montgomery, Geo H. Hastings, H II Shabcrg, W II McCrcery, J C Allen, T E San ders, J E Hill, Wm Stull, Louis Stull, Geo A Mohrcnstecher. ARTISTIC BEHUTY In Penmanship It admired by evetyone. There U no pcnmanihlp lent out that presents a more artistic dash than that sent out by the l.lncola Du6lnc6S College, which has won nn envied position In the rcattn of pen art, Dcing desirous oi Introducing the written cards of to the Lincoln public, we make the following announcement: The art pronounced by the rnokt competent Judges to be the finest ever sent out In this western country. Each card it a rare gem of artUtlc pen work la Itself; the work Is but to be seen to be appreciated. A trial order will convince nny person that the symmetry of form nnd extreme delicacy of touch cannot he rxcelled, Ordcrb for limUaml other styles of pen work may be left at the LINCOLN BUSINESS COLLEGE, LINCOLN, NEBRHSKH, Where It will be promptly filled. 'l7'V7.&. rvM.vi k w H7 mum' - Lincoln, Neb An Old School in a New Location Ninth Year. 25 Departments. 30 Teachers Beautiful, hi'.ilthi locution, nincniflrfiil hullillinjt., fine equipment, superior accom mutation, Mionj; faculty, rmipri'heiie curriculum, thorough woik, high moral and clnUtlan liitlui'iiiVK mul low cxpensci. make thU The SCHOOL FOR THE MASSES A practical,' education without ntcdlen. waste of tine or nicne; UfuinUhcd b tin Wetern Noimal College You can Enter any Time and Choose Tour Studies ThU great scl ool U located in Hawthorne, three miles southwest of the post ofiice and wll lie connected b electric street car line, YOl'U CAR FARK I'AIP. In tulcr that all ma; see our many luUant.iges In the way ot buildings, equipments facultv,etc. we will pay your car fine from your home to Lincoln prolded you are piesent oh thi uj'emiig nay oi uie 1.111 leiiu, nepi. 1092. wrue tor particulars, Hi-iitl niiine niut mlitrrssi h of M joiiiic people nml u will semi on choice of fine l-"iich WESTERN NORMAL COLLEGE, Lincoln, Neb. ' KKo'BmTr.rer. - Heater. the Howe Ventilator. Hint nnd only 1'uro Atr Hcnler Made. "Splendid" Oil Heaters. Steel Ranges. Furnaces Kitchen Utensils H. J. MLL&BRO., O STRG6T, lillM ll-xW tS0 9 "-cr.--
