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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (March 26, 1892)
CAPITAL CITY COURIER, SATURDAY MARCH 26, 1892. The Next Number Especially Good. TALES FROM Town Topics MAD BY ALL MEN AND WOMEN. 1'ubllthed ft rat day of December, March, tutib ami September. DELICATE, DAINTY, WITTY, INTENSE. Krerjr reputable newt and book nUnd haa It, I'rlc. single number. BO CKNT8. tM.00 I'KR YEAH, poiUffti FItKK. This brilliant Quarterly reproduce the best stories, sketches, burlesques, poems, witti cism, etc., from the back numbers of that much talked-about New York Bock-ty Journal, Town Tories, which It published tcttkly. Sub scription price, ft.00 per year. Tbe two publication! "Town Tones" and "Tales riioM Town Tones" together, at tbo low club-price of $6 00 per year. Ask your newsdealer for tbem or address, TOWN TOPICS, SI Want S8d Street, N. Y. City. Santa Fe Route ! AtchisoD, Topeka & Santa Fe R. R The Popular Route to the Pacific Coast. Through Pullman and Tourist Sleepers Between Knnsas City nml SAN DIEGO, LOS ANGELES, and SAN FRAN- CISCO. Short Line Kates to PORTLAND, Oregon. Double Dally Train Service Hetween Kansas City and PUEBLO, COLORADO SPRINGS, and DENVER. Short Line to SALT LAKE CITY. The Direct Texas Route Solid Trains Hetween Knnsas City and Galveston. The Short Line Between Kansas City and Gainesville, Ft. Worth, Dallas, Austin, Temple, San Antonio, Houston, and all Principal Points In Texas. ThcOnly Line Running Through the OKLAHOMA COUNTRY. The Only Direct Line to the Texas Pan-Handle. For Maps and Time Tables and Informa tion Regarding Rates and Routes Call on or Address E. L.' PALMER, Passenger Agent, I3t6 Farnam Street, OMAHA, OSTEB. IT fraatlv Pratllat. la othfr wordw will taacti you II1ICR. a4 start you Luilnt at width you can ialdlB;aititrlii thailulUra. Wa can an4 will, If youlfai,lrath fouquUklyhow o mm from 91 tnttlO a day at Ilia tiart, ami mora as you go on. Ilotti salt, atlajrra. In any paitbf Arartca, vom tan com mtnr at horn, art t In f alt your tlma, or apara tnomrnla only, o tit a work. bat wa offer la w a4 It haa baan provad ovtr ami over attain, that rrrat pay U aura for rrry wotkar. Faiy t learn, Ko apaflal abili ty raiptlrail, Hfaacnabla In ductry onljjrntc rtiary for lure, atf-a auecaai. Wa atari you, faraUlilna; v aryililitr.Thti la oaaof tha great trMra frwarl In Mrul,lnTrntlTproitTM, that cnrichM all wmfcara. It la probably tha erf-ate opportunity lahorlnr pp1a " f known. Nowli tha time. Iie'ajr manna Inaa. I'iiII partlenlara trrr. littler will nt oner. AMirai, ,) KOltajii; aTIXMIVit: o.,Mx 4fl,lVit.itiiU Mulna DR. T. O'CONNOR, (Successor to Dr. ClmrlcH Suurlso ) Cu res Cncers, Tumors Wens nml Fistula without Mio uho of Knl c, Chloroform or Elhor. Office 1327 0 Street LINCOLN, NEB. Solentlflo American Agency for WMVBM 1 RKBIOM PATENT J COPYRIGHTS, etc For Information and froo Handbook wrlto to MUNN & CO.. ail nimAliWAV. NEW Ymitr. Oldest bureau for securlm patents In America. BTorytmtont taken out bj lis I brounlit tieioro tUu public by a notice given t too of clmrjjo lu lliu Ijiraeit elrcuUtlon o( anr iclentlflo pspeflp h? wurld. Hlilomllillr HIiiitrMoit. No Imellliieiit man nhould bo without K Weeklr, ,1,00a yean II.W ilx immtln. Addren.MUNN X tO I'UULmiEK i.SGI Uroadwar. Nou vork. yftBV B m i II mil BBBBB9saBBstitfaHBfcVHEHfl akjrTnSiBBBIa. BSSSJ iBsTaBZBBSBBBkSBSX BBBBjfl I aKsfjaal xJaLaLELalaaaaaaaaaaaii Ijkv'aiHiiiiflavvk ijWJiiKJ Not eia. A "minister's nmn" In Scotland was one Buiidny iftcmoon following his master to church, when thu minister happening to turn iib'iut detected an unwonted smlloou his face. "What mnkes you laugh, James? It In umcctnly. What In there toamiisoyou?" "Oh, nothing particular," says James. "I wax oul) thinking of hotilbthlng that hapHucd tills forenoon." "What was that?" "Well, sir, don't bo angry with mo, tint you know the congregation nro not pleased to hear old sermons from you, and this morning I got tho better of thorn, any way." "And how was that, Jnmesr" says the minister. "Well, sir, when we canto out of tho church this forenoon I know what they wero thinking: sosays I, 'Well, you cannot call this morning's sermon tin otd one, for it's not over six weeks since you tost hoard It.' "Youth's Conimnlon. Ntrategy. Ho I mil In lovo. Will you bo my con- fldantuf Slio Certainly. 1 am at yourservlco. He Well, would you udvlso mo to pro posu to your Life. Could Improve mi the Advice. Ho might have been forty-five or fifty years old, and was apparently In comforta ble circumstances. Ho was, well dressed, and as he sat in front of the bin fire nt tho club he pulTeil meditatively at a cigar. The joiiiik man sitting near him was scowling at thu lire its lio smoked his cigar. "Just on the threshold of your literary career," said the old gentleman at last in terrogatlvely The young man acquiesced with a move ment of his head. "You lmvuahanlstruggloahciidof you," said tho old man. "1 know what it Is. It takes a long tlmo to sectiru recognition." Tho young man admitted tho truth of the assertion by another nod. "It requires patience, pcrsuvcranco and constant Improvement," continued tho old man complacently. "Olio mtisn't get dis couraged. I was almost ready to givo up oncu or twice, but I kept right on, and norr I can sell anything I wrlto at a good prico. And let me give you another piece of ml' vice: Always read your stories over lu print. There is nothing like It for Improv ing a man's style, lie sees tho (lawn lu print when he would overlook them in manuscript." The young man took his cigar out of his mouth and looked at the other curiously. "That's your advice, is itr" ho asked at last. "It Is." "It's tho best you can give, I suppose?'1 "Why, yes. I don't think of anything in a general way that's more Important." "Well, from my limited experience I can Improve on it mightily." "Howr" "By prefixing It with 'First get your tory in print.' "Chicago Tribune. A Wild Goono Cliaae. Chappie (faintly) Doctah, ruy-aw-head feels awful1 Does grip ovah go to the bruin? Doctor Sometimes. Chappie I have pains rush In around all ovah, in me arms and hands and feet and everywhere. Doctor That's grip. Chappie What's It trying todo, doctah? Doctor Trying to llnd your bralu, I guess. New York Weekly. Kitrii imble. "Talk about mean men. I'vo read a good deal about them; but tho meanest man Is the fellow who steals my jokca without crcditl" exclaimed tho humorist to the editor. "Well, rather." said the editor; "but you must remember that the man who would steal your jokes must be exceeding ly hard up. and, besides, there Is no credit in it, one way or another." Bostou Post. A Fellow Peeling. Grumbling Consumer (at gaseompany'a ofllcc) Between footpads and gas bills a man's life Is hardly worth IIvIiik any more. Clerk Have thu footads been after you? Grumbling Consumer (handing over a twenty dollar hill) No. They know I'm a customer of y6urs. Chicago Tribune. Hlie Whs Horry. IIo(at II p. m.)-There's one thing I'd do, Miu SmlthitiKtou, If I were rich. She (wearily) What Is that, Mr. Linger- Ho I'd travel. She (sympathetically) I'm so sorry, Mr. Llngerly, that you are not rich. Detroit Free PreRs. A'lluppy Condition. First Officer's Servant to Second Ditto What's the matter with you. You look as happy as a skylark. "And no wonder. Vou see, my lieuten ant sent mo to kc t a cIhvm, and I dropiad it in the mud so I was allowed to eat it myself." Fllvgcndi Blatter. Kxplaliilni; it Myatury. Brlggs Strange things happen. A Brooklyn policeman was seen walking the streets at midnight recently. (JrlgKs What was the trouble? Brlggs Upon investigation It turned out that he was a HuiuuanihullHt. Life. Turns III II) oh Awuy. "Before he married me John said ho would love me too well ever to see me build a lire." "And doc luff "Yes. He never looks at mo when I am building it." Washington Star. II Ik l.lfe Work. Smith So you are a poet? And may I ask how you make your living? Hondo Oh, I win all the fasting compe titions at the illtuu museums. .Jester. Vou DC III the illiallieaa, "What do you think of your now gov erness. Tommy?" "Oh, she's all right for a beginner, but she'll soon learn." Bostou Post. A ftlnry with a Mural. Ho knocked at the back door of a subur ban house ami the cook opened It. He win a slnioter looking fellow and she held on to thu door. "Iady of tho homo In?" ho Inquired Rniflly. "No," trembled tho cook. "Man of thu house hero?" "No." "Nono of the pcoplo lu?" "Nono but me," and ho tried to hut tho tloor. "Aw, como off," ho growled, netting hla foot against it; "I guess I'll coma in and have a good eat. Step lively now er I'll grab you." She let go of the door and the tramp forced in and fell Into the arms of a big policeman, who was courting thu cook contrary to orders. Detroit Free Press. He llliln't Want It. TV "Do yo kape butter hero?" "Kape butter, ye grccnhornl I'vo kepft butter this twenty years." "Well, kape It then. It's too ould for nie."-Smllh & Oray's Monthly. Crane' New Servant (ilrl. "Speaking of servant girls," said Crane, tho actor, to a friend who was recently cu tertaiuiiig him with an account of Ids ex periences with the tribe, "wo had one up at Collaret last summer that simply took the bakery and everything appertaining there unto. She was named Maria, and she came with a letterof recommendation from a family of our acquaintance. They said thatshu was honest and faithful, hut a Ill tie crude and needed training. Imagining that the latter fault could soon be rein edied, we eu'acd her and npxlntcd her to the then vacant position of waitress In ordinary. "On the afternoon of her arrival I gave a little dinner to a few of my professional friends and felt particularly anxious to have thu alfalr go off smoothly. With tills end In view Maria was put through a little preliminary drilling beforehand, in the course of which she manured to smash the fish platter of a valuable set of chlua and display the fact that she didn't know any more alKitit waiting on n table than she did of writing comlcKongs in Sanscrit. The guests arrived, and in fear and trembling I took my seat. Wo prepared for the pro llmlnary oysters. They did not come, I thumped the bell without eliciting a re sponse from the uonevident Maria. Thu.1 I breathed her name softly, but lu vain; I breathed it again, same result, and Dually I reached foriipperCaudcalled for'Marlal' lu tones that rattled the plates. "A capped and horlbbotiod head thrust It self around the corner of the dlniiiu room door, and In tones of calm Inquiry the Ps too liot. "Blow It, then." "I am afraid to." "Why?" "For fear It will blow away, it'a so small." Texas Slftlngs. Ill Great Mistake. Featherstono Ijook here, Undo, I lent you $1 the other day to buy you a pair oi trouseis with, hut I haven't Keen you wear them yet. Uncle Ebony No, sah. Do fac' Is I made a big mistake about dem pants, sah. I found dat I could get a pair for $1.50, sah. So deu I went out and spent t l.M). Featherstono Well, didn't you get the trousers with tho other $1.50? Uncle Ebony No, sub; dat's do funny part vl it. You see, I niiido er mistake and spent the 4I.W) I was going to buy tho pant with llrst. Clothier and Furnisher. Not I'oanllile. Head of Firm Mr. Truvera, while you were out a man came lu to collect a bill from you for an ulster which he said hod been running for a year. Can't you pay for your clothes, sir, out of the liberal sal ary wo give you? Travers No, sir, I can't do it and be .1 gentleman. Clothier and Furnisher. HI Itecoiiiinundiitlon. Brlggs How do you llku your now fur nace, (Jriggs? Griggs Oh, It's Just splendid. Brlggs- Can you recommend It as n bang up good heater? Griggs No; but I recommend It as n bang up good refrigerator. Harper's Ba zar A (loud Niitiirml Soul. Lady's Maid (to hur ladyship, reclining til and faint in Iter easy chair, while thu doctor Is lu attendance) If It Is too much trouble for maihtiue I shall hu most happy to let the doctor feel my pulse instead of your ladyship's. Neueste Wlt.o. llroiiKlit Out the Wrinkle. Clara Isn't Mr. Banger's dress suit wrinkled awfully? I suppose it is becniiM he travels m much with it. Maude Yes. He told my brother he hail la-en tra cling with It for fourteen years. Clothier and Furnisher. A Sulllileiit Ki-iimmi. Judge Why did you not at once tako the purse you found to the police station? Pilsouer It was so late at night. Judge And the next morning? Prisoner There was nothing left In It. llumorlstische Blatter. Shu (lot Whut Shu Wanted, "I was hound to marry a nobleman or nothing," remarked an Amurlcan girl re turning with a foreign husband. "I guess you gut Isith," said her father, and went on making out a check. Detroit; Free Press. rUflin rag? . 00 X 'iiallllllllllllllllllllHBl BSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBB ' ' BSBSBSBSBSBSBSLBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSBSS" Tt'stoohoTT T The Thought Transmitter. It was tho seventeenth tlmo that ho had made a visit In the hopo Hint ho could col lectthu entire amount of the hill or at least get something on lt,butas hccntcrcd the door ho wasgrected by tho dehtorwlthl "I know Itl I would havo lot my llfo on Itl" "On what?" asked tho collector. "Mental telegraphy. It's a clear case tho la'st Illustration of thought trniiiiulit rIoii I ever saw. I'vo had you In my mind for two hours, wanted to sec you awfully, but didn't know how to reach you, so I Just took a seat and thought of you and how hndlv I wanted to see you and hero you are." "Why did you wish toseo me?" "I wanted to tell you that I can't pay you anything on that bill until a week from next Wednesday. Just think oT It; by the utllli'.atlou of it) currents and electricity In conjunction with mental force I brought you to me. Reasonable, Isn't It?" "And that's mental telegrnphy?" "Yes, or Is'tter yet, we cull It thought trntiMinlsslou, It Is thu most recent marvel in science and the most remarkable ho cause, while we know that the power ex Ists we do not know Ha form, wo have im comprehension as to Its operation and vu cannot analyze lu" "Uin-ni, 'Thought transmission.' Well, about II o'clock tomorrow morning," said tho creditor, "you Just get a grip through your unknown aerial telegratth machine on me mid see what comes of It. You'll llnd that I have an attachment on your entire outfit, and that a constable and my self will be ready to start after you and yours forthwith." And as tho speaker walked out savagely the philosopher laid his head on his desk moaning, "And that Is all the common herd cares for tho great mysteries of human Intercourse," Detroit Frcu Press. I'rotn lluil to Worse. A lady whoso Christian naino was Jano and whose llttlo daughter wan named after her engaged a hotisokecer who was also a Jane. Thinking that threo Janus in ono house hold might occasion confusion, thu lady said to the newcomer, who was a tall, an gular woman, with a rigid air and an un compromising cast of countenance, "1 think, Jane, it will bo better for me to call you by your Inst name, If you havo no ob jection." "No'm, I liavo no objections," answered the houscU'cpcr, standing sillily erect, valise lu hand. "Call mo 'Darling,' ma'ani, If you prefer. That's my iiamul" Youth's Companion. Tliny Were Thumper. Two men met and adjourned to a neigh boring saloon to talk over old acquaint ance, lu answer to inquiries as to thu dif ferent memlHirs of his family, ono man mid: "My eldest girl thumps tho piano." "And her sister?" "Oh, she thumps tho washboard." "But your wife?" "She thumps me," Detroit Freo Press. A Startler. Doctor If your husband's hiccoughs don't stop very soon, madam, ho'll In) a dead man. There is only ouu tiling to Iw done. Ho must Ihi startled out of them. Can you suggest any way? Anxious Wife (thoughtfully) I might tell him that I had decided not to order that new silk dress. Cloak Itevluw. About AJax. Father," asked Tommy, "why did AJax ify the lightning?" "Because, my sou, AJax was a l' reach iielist, and the lightning was known to Ism 5,001) times where It hit once. More- er, It was soo tulles away, and wasn't htuiug at the time. AJax knew whom defy." Texas Slftlngs. lie Was 11. l.lttlu Late. That was unite a little Jokoof mine," said, with enthusiasm, after ho had ox ted himself with a bou mot. "Did you It?" Oh, yes," she answered wearily, "I saw last week in a newspaper." Washington ar, A 1'our IIi'kIiiiiIiib. Young Nobles (to his future mamma-in law) Photograph of you hero. Really you must have been good looking when you were young I I mean you must huvo been nhem quite young when you were good looking. Drake's Magazine. Ueinl of the House. Biltur Do you know who I can get to taku charge of my house? Witlicrby You might get my wifo's dressmaker. Shu is running ours just at present. Cloak Review. Ho Was lu a Hurry. Patsy McKenua (In an electric car which has broken down) Well, av this car don't bo after moving soon, Ol'll taku tho one bo holnt. Harvard l-anipoon. Utyat ar You Qoii7 to do ttyis 5Pril? Jrauel ? You give oats to a strong vigorous horse with self assurance of returning profit You feed a worthless cur out of sympathy for his hunger, or to be rid of Ills offensive whine, Knl I roads of both the horse and the dog class are pretty well represented in the West, the worthless ones make the most noise. You prtronie the former with confidence in profitable returns, the oilier as you lllng bread to the whining dog out of charity or "to get of em." It's a matter of business and profit vs. sentiment niul peace. The cost is about the same, nml ) ou ought to have your choice. Do you , ask where to put jour "oats", or the "crust of bread"? You can easily tell by looking about a bit. J. FRANCIS, Gen. Passenger Agent, OMAHA. A MODERN 1 Tulannnna 4 7A.1 BT LbHbLbLbS9HRB1I wTfafr in "i aHWTi Moving Household Goods and Pianos a Specialty Lincoln Dealer In COAL AND WOOD, Ollkc 1045 O Street. Yards dtli and M Sts. Phone 440, German National Bank, LINCOLN, Nlitl. U.K. MonlRouicry, President. IleriuanlH. Hehnburir, Vlco l'resl, Jrmcph lloehtuer, Cashier, O, .1. Wilcox, Aunt. Cnshlor. Capital . . . $100,000.00 Surplus . . . 30,000.00 nasi ts a General Banking Business Ustiei.o'tnra of credit, draw drafts on all pari of the world. 1'orelKii collections a specially Telephone 225. jS&kk PAST MAIL ROUTE ! 2 DAILY TRAINS 2 -ro- Atcliisoii, Leavenworth, St. Joseph, Kansas City, St. Louis and all Points South, F.ast and West. The direct line to Ft. Scott, Parsons Wichita, Hutchinson and nil principal points In Kansas. The only road to the Great Hot Springs of. Arkansas. Pullman Sleepers and Vrec Reclining Chair Cars oi all trains. J. E. R. MILLAR, R. V. R. MILLAR, City Ticket A gt. Gsi'i gnt. Leave Your Orders for NEWS Periodicals, Novels MAGAZINES, and anything in the Newsdealers and Stationers line at Wessel-Stevens Printing Company's NEW NEWS DEPOT. RAILROAD WITH FAULTLESS IB' LpYaiiHBBBM'tBBaaaaBBBBBBBBHaBBBaV kkjfT Jw jjK-jgj2J3gBgsiBB Coal Co, all klmUof JOHN DOOLITTLE, Manager. II'.!' Canon City, Rock Springs, Vulcan, Mendota, Scranton, Anthracite. A. C. ZIEMER, City Passenger Agent, LINCOLN. EQUIPMENT, OFFIOE '1001 0 Street imr'TiliaHMiaaaaaBS LaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaOT laaHaaaaaaHfaaaafl W"jf ajBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBJBBl .H Hk BaTaaaiaBBBaBaaWTTTaTtTii WJ