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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 26, 1889)
UNPRECEDENTED ATTRACTION !
Over a Million Distributed.
Louisiana State Lottery Comp'y.
Incorporated by tho IcRlslaturo In 18M Tor
Educational nudCharltahlo purposes, mill II
franchise million part of (ho present stnlo
-constitution In 1871) by nit overwhelming py
ulurvoto. Its Mammoth Drawings take place
Scml Annually ( June niul Decem
ber), and Its Grmul S'lnglc Number Draw
ings take place In each of the other ten
tnonths of the year, and arc all drawn In
public, at the Academy of Music, New
FAMED FOR TWENTY YEARS,
For Integrity of Its Drawings, and
Prompt Payment of Prizes.
Attested us Follows:
"Wo do hereby certify thai wo sunervlso
tho urraiiKemcrits fur ull the Monthly mid
Henil-Anniinl DruwIiiKS of Tho I.oulsluuu
State lottery rompauy. and In person man
n ro and control tho llrawhiKs themselves,
and that tho sumo aro coiuluoteil with lion
csty, fairness, and In rnxxl faith toward all
parties, and wo authorize the Cot.. puny to use
this certificate, with ftic-slmlllcs of our slcim
ures attached, In Its advertisements."
Wo, tho undersigned Hanks and Hauliers
A-lll pay ull prizes drawn In thu IiuInIuiiii
atnto liotterlun, which may ho presented at
11. M. WALMHI.KV, 1'res't Loulsiinn Nat Il'k
I'IKItllK I.ANAUX, I'res.stato National Il'k
A. IIAI.DWIN, l'res. New Orleans Natl Hank
CAIlt. KOIIN, l'res. Union National Hank
GRAND MONTHLY DRAWING
At the Academy of Mailo, New Orleans,
Tnosday, Fobruaiy 12, 1880.
Capital Prize, $300,000.
100,000 Tickets at 20; Halves 110; Quarters
f ; Tenths l Twentieths ;
list ok ntt.EM.
1 IMllZKOPltixi.ooois x).ono
1 l'ltl.KOK iiOO.irOls Kio.ooo
ll'KIZKOK M),O00ls fiO,M
1 I'IU7K OK !,HX)U !li,WX,
SI'IU.KHOF 10,UJ0 uro ao,fft.
r 1MU.KH OV ti.OOOare i!.Vjuo
25 IMU.KH OK 1,000 urn IH.OUO
100 1'HI.KHOK GOOnru fiiUUO
-J00 IMU.KH OK tWOiiro lOOoO
DOOl'Ul.KSOI'' 'JOilaro 10C,iKJ0
100 Prizes of fVH aro M.0OU
100 do. .",00 are :t0,ouo
100 do. ttX)aro 'JO.OOO
OT9 do. Iix) aro.
100 aro 00.000
.1,131 Prizes, Amounting to 11,051,800
Notk Tickets drawing Capital Prizes aro
uot entitled toTuriulual Prizes.
KorfMnh Rates or miv other doslroil
in'orinatiou. write tommy intno iiiiucrsiKiiou
dourly stating your residence, with Hlalo'
Co mty, (street and Numher. Mont rapid ro
turn mall delivery will ho assured by your en
cloning an Envelope bearing your full ad
dress. Homl POSTAL NOTKH, Express Money Or
dors, or Now York KxcIiiiiiku In ordinary let
tor. Head currency by l$xprss (at our ex
pense) addrcsxed M. A. DAUPHIN,
Now Orleans, I.n.
Washington, D. O.
Address Registered Letters to
NEW OIlIiKANH NATIONAL HANK,
Now Orleans, La
KEMEMIIEK that tho payment of the
Prizes Is iruarauteed by Four National Hanks
of New Orleans, and tho tickets aro signed by
tho President ofnn Institution, whoso char
to rod rights aro recognized In tho highest
courts; theroforo, howaro of all Imitations or
ONI'. DOM.AH Is tho price of tho smallest
port or fraction ofa ticket IHHITKI) 1IY I'M
many drawing. Anything In our namo of
fered for less than a Dollar Is a swindle.
HAGENOW & ASGHMANN,
Onicc,Rootns 139 and 140 Uurr Hlock.
J. II. W. .HAWKINS,
ARCHITECT AND SUPERINTENDENT,
Ilulldlngs completed or In course of erection
troui Apnl 1, lisso:
Jlutt less block. O R ontgotnery, lltli and N,
do do IiWllllliURHley, lltli near N.
TVwtaurant (Odvlls) O K Jloutgoniery, N uenr
Itesldeuce, J J Inilioff, J nnd ISth.
110 j 11 .Maciarinuu, u ami him.
John Zehning, I) and mil
Allien Watklns. 1) lx-t Dili and 10th
Wm M Leoiinid. KM nth and 10th
J K ltoed, M D, K Ix't Ifith and 17th
T. fl M llnl.li.fn (1 l.. 1U.I. n...l lUll.
Bnnltartuin hiillding at Mllronl, Neb,
Fir-: llnptlst elnireli, 14th and K Btreets.
ortuary chadul and reoelvlii, tomb at Wyuka
Rooms 33 audS4
iirada In til ram. by
10 Bl OllCt PIIBUllin
Micinc our mufiinri.
1 rouaa nocrv in rwo i ran m
inrm. wa win icnu rte lo ona
9lrrtm In etch lotalil,tti rry
Lcil arwinff.niachlna mada la
Llha world, with all Iht attatlimrnti.
I Wo will alto rnJirreoromplrta
.lint of our collly and valuable art
Itarnplci. Inrclurowttik that yon
Itbow what wt arnd, lo tlioie wbo
L ruty rati at your hume.and antr Sfl
kmunlllltllBiiaii orcomt jour own
Fropertr. 'Ililt rrand machint la
ina(etnrr Ibe ptliiBer aienli.
n men nave run oui i uviuiv airaie
, ruiiouliUoldiorftU.i, wllblbo
atlarlimrnu. and now telle for
oy.ev. ivai,iruuavti,.i.v. u-
fulmtrblnt In the world. All It
1rltf Initructlone clven. Thott whowiile lo uetl onctctnae-
rio rtplltl required. 1'ltln.
cure ivru the beil tewintr-rotcnint in lot world, and lot
flnril line of work of hlrh art over abown toe elher In America.
Tit UK t CO., llox 71, Auiutlu, Muluo.
Ir. Heth Arnold's
than of any other cough
Medicine) kept In tnck, u.
though 1 keep fifteen varie
ties. K.M.Kubcrtson, Coyvlllo.
VruggliU, 23o., BOc , and f 1.00,
' tla-'m II n
' A CAPITAL GOSSIPER.
THE SMALL TALK MONGER IN WASH
INGTON IS A MAN.
Hut He TcilU Some Good fitorirs About tit
Men of tho Nation Tho Hum family,
Fmnk Ijanlnr Hrnator IncalU' Red Cra
nt I'hllrtus Sawyer's Ron.
Wasiunoton, Jnu. 24. Vour Wash
Ingtou gosHlcr In a num. IIo has boon
hero no ono known how many years. Uu
knows everybody. It Is tho delight of
lila life to tal;o you up In tho prcK.s gnl
lories, tho beat plaeo in tho world to feeo
nubile men, and point out fticea to you.
Ills tongue moves In Hymnhony with his
forellnger. There's nooouy too great for
him to tipftik of in n familiar way, no
body too obscure for him to know notno
"There," ho Bays, pointing with his
lead pencil to n big man In ono of tho
rear Heats of tho hoimo, "Is Jim Hums,
of Mlssouil. Know Jim? 1 mean tho
largo man with tho light mustnelio and
tho curly hair. That u ono of tho best
men in tho world. IIo weighs 225
pounds) and isn't n lightweight in debato
or anything else. Comes Irom tho St.
Joseph district in Missouri. Ho is rich,
Sneer thing about tho Hums family is
tat thev hold all their property in com
mon. Thcro'sJlm and his two brothers
and hln two nous. Altogether they uro
worth about $3,000,000, and every cent
of It Is held In common. They liavo tho
biggest bank in St. Joseph, lots of real
estate and ritocks. Tho threo Hums
brothers and Jim's two sons nro nil
chums. They llvo together in a grent
hoiiKO in St. Joseph. Tho brothers nib
all widowers, and tho boys have never
married. Their houso is like a club
house, nnd ono of tho best placed
in thu world to spend a few weeks. They
have a country houso at a summer resort
near St. Joseph. CI rent times they havo
out there. They havo plenty of guests
from among "tho boys" of St. Jo, Kansas
City and St. Louis. It is esteemed an
honor as well as a pleasure to bo invited
to Bpcnd a few days with tho Iuruscs.
Tho Hurnscs aro always together. That's
ono of Jim's Bonn sitting besldo him now.
How did ho get in on . tho floor, bccing
ho isn't a member? I don't know. Guess
ho's a eonuuittco clerk or something,
Tell you a story alwut this Hums boy.
All tho Hums boys play tiokcr. Their
father taught them how when they wcro
little fellows. This ono in particular is
n great poker player. Last summer tho
threo Hums brothers nnd Jim's two boys
wcro playing n pretty stllT game ono
nMit out at their summer house. Thev
aro always playing together, nnd don t
liko to play with outsiders. On this oc
clusion young Burns lost several big pots
to his father, and then turned round nnd
put up a hand on tho old man, and beat
him out of $7,000 at ono show down.
But you mustn't get tho idea that Jim
Uurns is a rough man. He's a gentle
man, ntui was iincty educated, lie grad
uated second in his class at Harvard,
was a circuit judgo for several years,
and has been In congress since 1831. Ho
lives at Willard's hotel, whero ho pays
$3.p0 a month for his rooms, so ho will
havo n good pluco in which to keep bach
elors' hall for tho entertainment of tho
other Hurnscs, who nro often with him.
"Tho man in liglit clothes, with a red
necktie, n smilo on his face, and bangs
on his forehead? That is William Wal
ter Phelps, of Now Jersey. Ho looks
somewhat liko n dudo, but peoplo who
think ho is ono don't know him. Phelps
is a brainy man. At Yale ho was a
leader both in tho class room nnd on tho
campus. IIo looks eHeminato, but ho is
an titlilcto. Ills muscles aro liko steel.
Ho has a stock ranch down in Texas,
and when ho goes down thero ho's a
Texan. Jumps a bronco nnd rides
thirty miles without stopping, carries a
gun and drinks a littlo whisky with tho
natives just to keep them good naturcd.
Phelps hud brains enough to make his
own way in life. Before no was 25 venru
old ho had n largo law prnctlco. Made
his fortune in railroads. Some years
ago ho had nearly his whole fortuno in
vested in ono enterprise the Texas Cen
tral. IIo kept sending good money uftcr
bad in that rat hole till his friends ad
vised him to pull out or ho would ruin
himself. Tho road wouldn't pay. But
Phelps stuck to it till ho hud put in
$1,000,000, nnd dually tho road turned
tho hill and mudo him a very rich
man. He is ono of tho most genial
men In public life. Everybody likes
him. His manners nro holt, almost ef
feminate. Hut if you think ho hasn't a
will just try him once. IIo can yes or
no (iilcker mid btick to it longer than
any man In congress. IIo likes to bo
frank and conununicntivo when frank
nohs will help Homebody and hurt no
body, but you couldn't pull a word out of
him with a yokoof bteers when thero nro
reasons why ho shouldn't talk. IIo
adores Hktiuo and is fond of giving
dinners. It Is onoof tho treats of Wash
ington to bit at his table. Ho i.i generous
with his money, but makes no display of
it. Ho gives away more money in charity
than anybody 1 know of In Washington.
Do you remember how ho saved young
Eno from going to prison by going down
into his pocket and pulling out $110,000,
and fairly bhaming Euos rich father
Into putting up a similar sum to save his
his boy? Phelps did that simply out of
thu goodness of his heart, and not be
cause ho had any selfish interest in young
Eno, for ho hadn't.
"I know of another caso. When
Phelps was down in Texas bomo years
ago ho met Hilly Crain, now in congress.
Craiii was lamenting his bad luck in 11
cattle ranch, and uiid lie was likely to
lose everything ho had. 'How much
would favo your' asked Phelps. 'Twenty
thousand dollars,' bald Craln. 'I'll let
you have it,' replied Phelps, ns quick us
that, nnd hogavo him his check on tho
spot. Crain has since paid back every
dollar of the loan. That's tho kind of a
man Phelps i.i. Ho's u clear thinker, a
splendid talker, and a man with a heart
In him. aj,
"The littlo man sitting down thero in
front is Frank Lawler. Surely you'vo
heard of him. Ho comes from Chicago.
Used to keen a saloon there. Llkcti to
talk about the poor workingman nnd
twist tho tail of tho British lion. Somo
peoplo polio kin at Frank becauso ho
murders tho .iuccd'h EtlglUh nnd blar
neys mi much, hut 1 think ho deserves a
good deal of credit for pulling himself
up tho way ho has without any early
uu vantages. Ho is tho hardest working
man in congress. At 1 o'clock every
morning ho begins lil.t rounds if
tho departuuTts. Uo work.t through
more pc;;iois uud things like thut lit m
anybody, (jut a cato in Frank Law I rV
CAPITAL CITY COURIER, SATURDAY, JANUARY 26,
hands, nnd it's almost ns good ns won.
IIo sticks and hangs liko a leech. About
11 o'clock ho runs around tho hotels, nnd
If there's anybody In town from Chicago
ho shows them tho sights, takes them up
to will on tho president, nnd does tho fair
thing by them generally. After his work
In the houso is done ho sits up till 2 or II
o'clock in tho morning writing letters
and sending out public documents. Ho Is
the greatest letter writer in congress.
Popular? Should say ho was. Thochauces
nro he'll come to congress ns long us ho
wants to. Ho Hjieiuls $500 a year for
public documents to bo malted his con
stituents. All tho peopto In his district
havo small libraries of public documents.
Why, even tho switchmen and gnto
tenders along tho railroads that run
through Frank's district havo libraries
of public documents piled up in their
littlo shanties. They nil swear by Frank
Lawler. Ho's n man of good habits, nnd
Is nobody's fool, either. To show you
how smart ho is I'll tell you ho
keeps u pair of cyo glasses in his
vest Kckut. When ho meets anybody
that knows him nnd that ho can't place
ho shakes hands warmly, Ingeniously
finds out who tho person is, nnd then
pullsouthlsglasscs, wipes them carefully
and sayst 'Why, of course. I'd u-known
you in a inlnuto if I'd had my glasses
on. You see, my eyes nro getting wenk.
FrniHc Lawler'seyes aro nsgood as yours
or initio. .
"That great heavy man, with n Ixxly
as big us u tobacco hogshead, Is Barnes,
ofCleorgia. IIo weighs more than 1)00
pounds, nnd Is tho biggest man In Con
gress by long odds, ami ono of tho most
eloquent. Heard a good story about
Barnes. Tho other day ho went with
somo southorn friends of Ids up Into tho
loft of tho war, state nnd navy build
ing, whero a lino view of tho city uud
river is to Iw had. Wliilo they woro up
thero Hamca' friends noticed him to
turn pnlo uud look scared. They asked
him what tho matter was, and ho trem
blingly pointed ton placard which read:
: The. supiwrtltii; EtreiiRth of tills floor U !
! 160 lbs. K.T Rq. ft. :
" 'Great God!' ho exclaimed, 'I weigh
800 pounds, nnd if I don't straddle out
I'll go down!'
"And suiting his action to tho word
ho began to take long steps bo his wholo
weight wouldn't comoon any ono squaro
foot of tho floor."
Thus tho Washington gossipcr rattles
on nbout ono man after another, no mat
ter who. It is ull tho snmo to him. Uo
over to tho uennto and tho first man ho
begins on is President Ingalls.
"Ingalls," he says, "13 ono of tho
brainiest men In tho Bcnnto. Tho only
trouble with him is bo likes to say smart,
cutting tilings. Ho doesn't menu half
ho says, but ho is bo fond of slashing nnd
hitting ho can't let folks nlono. I've
heard him tear his best friends to pieces.
What ho likes best is to havo itcoplo talk
back to him. IIo likes to havo peoplo
givo him ns good ns ho sends, and I Hunk
If 6OH10 men would take a whack nt him
instead of going oft nnd talking about
his malignity Iio'd respect them
moro, niul tlioy il understand nnd
liko him better. Next to his
wife, ho is wonderfully fond of his
family. I think ho likes to ridicule men
in a joking way. IIo used to board down
at tho Strnthmoro Arms hotel, where
Logan lived. Congressman Thomas, of
Illinois, boarded there, too, nnd Ingalls
used to nng Thomas unmercifully. Fi
nally Thomas turned on his persecutor.
Ingalls is liko Phelps used to bo in hlfl
fondness for red neckties, nnd 0110 day
ho nut on ono that was unusually largo
and red. When they sat down to dinner
that evening, Lognn, Ingalls, Thomas
and others nil at ono table, Thomas began
in this way:
'Senator Ixgnn, snld he, 'as I was
coming up Twell Hi street this afternoon
I saw something that shocked mo very
much, bomcthiug that frightened mo till
tho blood stood still in my veins.'
" 'What was it?' inquired Logan.
" 'Why. I looked up toward this houso
ind tho building becmed to bo on fire.
It was wrapped in llames. 1 started and
ran as fast as I could, thinking of what
a terrible thing it would bo if my wifo
and you nnd Mrs. Logan and ull tho
others should uot bo iiblo to get out, if
tho lurid flumes bhould envelop nnd
coiibumo you. if wo should havo a great
holocaust right hero in our peaceful littlo
hotel. Tho thought was bo horrifying
thut I ran at tho top of my bpeed, crying
Uro and rousing tho peoplo ulotig tho
way. Tho ohock to my nerves was bo
great that I am still trembling.'
" 'But what was it,' inquired Logan,
'that guvo you such a nightinuro as that?
" 'As 1 caino closer to tho house,'
Thomas replied, 'I saw what it wns.
Senator Ingalls wns standing on tho
front steps, whero tho rays of tho Betting
6im caught him, uud ho had that neck-
"For onco in his lifo Ingalls was
knocked out. Whilo Logan and tho
others laughed tho benntor from Kansas
blushed as red as tho offending necktie,
but ho could mako uo reply. Ho didn't
get mad, though, nnd when Mrs. Ingalls
met Mrs. Thomas nt luncheon next day,
shosaid, 'Do you know, Mrs. Thomas,
James is very fond of your husband?'
IngalU and Thomas aro now tho best of
friends, for tho president of tho benate
likes a man who snbscs back, but ho has
never fiiicm that day worn a red necktie.
"Talking about big men, that round
headed, gray old fellow thero isn't bo
very binull. IIo is Senator Sawyer, of
Wisconsin. Tho iioliticinus bay ho has
tho btato of Wisconsin in his pocket.
Sawyer told mo onco ho ennio to tho
senate bhnply becauso ho hud nothing
else to do. IIo was dying of ennui.
Tho benatorial beat was a bort of play
thing for him. IIo says now ho has got
ull tho fun out of it thero is to bo hud,
and that ho doesn't euro to como back
any more. But ho has four years yet to
Ecrve. Sawyer la very fond of lius son,
wlio i3 out west, Texas, 1 think, on n
cattle ranch. When tho young man got
ready to start out for himself tho old
gentleman gavo him $450,000 nnd told
him to take (;ood euro of himself mid his
monoy. 'That isn't tho way I btarted
in life," added Ihobenntor; 'in order toget
out into tho world and get 11 htart on my
own hook, I had to buy my tituo from the
mooter to whom I was apprenticed. It
cost mo &100 of hard earned money to
get away from tho blacksmith bhop and
into the lumber business."'
If you liavo tho tlmo to sparo your
Washington gossipcr will go on liko this
til tho j.fternoou. IIo i3 a cry enter
taiuiufl.-llrtV VrALTCIt WtXUlAN.
nifti-tilt to Undei-ktand.
Custom Hero h coniething in my
chicken inlud, waiter, thut leoUs a good
deal liko leather;;.
Waiter Uat eahnt be posa'ble, cah.
Customer Why not?
Walter Kreo tvhes don hab no
feathcrj. TI10 Enovli.
After Imvlnpt Inflicted cor)ornl punishment
on Paul U10 other day, I took htm ami told
hliu how It hurts mo when ho is nnugbty and
I havo to tvlilp him. On tho next occasion
ho naked 1 "Manuna, did It hurt you when
you whipped mo this tlinol" "Yen, dear, It
always hurts 1110 when I havo to punish you."
"That servos you rlRht for whipping mo."
Ho (on a suburban visit) I am suddenly
called to Now York ou very urgent huslncNi,
Miss Jones, but hofora I ro I want to thank
you for tho great pleasure I havo enjoyed Ih
your society, and to say tliaHliat-a-er
HbofblushhiK) Oh, Mr, Urlulo, pray
Ho Kr-to say, that If you over want any
thing In tho ribbon lino, I'm at tho head of
that department at Plush & SatluV. Oood-hy.
Wwin't (HvIiik Anything Away.
Judgo Richardson, of tho court of claims,
w ho lectures on constitutional law at tho law
school of tho Georgetown university, gar
nishes bis dlbcourhos with many amusing and
Interesting stories, among which Is a partic
ularly good ono which ho relates of Mr.
Hoar, tho father of tho hcuator from Massa
chusetts. Ho brings It hi to clinch tho xlut
that tho opinion of a Judgo whilo off tho
bench, or of a lawyer when uot engaged upon
a caso Involving tho matter In dlsputo, U of
no moro valuo than that of an ordinary mor
tal. Ono day, according to tho Judgo, a man
stopped Mr. Hoar on tho struct and asked
I1I111 a question on law. Tho answer strength
ened tho questioner hi his determination to
bring a certain suit, but when ho put tho
matter In tho hands of his attorney tho latter
told him ho had no caso. Hack went tho
questioner to Mr. Hoar.
"Didn't you tell mo thus and so tho othor
dayf" ho asked.
"Well, yes; I supposo I did," said tho old
lawyer; "hut you didn't wiy mo anything for
It, and tho fact Is 1 uover can get qulto right
unless I'm paid for It,"
Or, as Judgo IMchardson naively puts itt
"Ho lacked tho feeling of rcsjiouklblllty."
Now York Ti Ibuno.
Only Ono Thliir; l.ert.
First Society Man (yawning) What tlmo
Second Society Man (stretching) Nluo
"Too lato for tho theatre"
"Too early to go to bod."
"I'm too sleepy to read or talk."
"80 am I Too tired to think."
"Well, as neither of us seem good for any
thing else, let's dress up nnd go to Mrs. West
cud's purty." Philadelphia Record.
Complimentary to thn Artist.
A lady, who ivas accustomed to solicit for
sovcral charitable. Institutions, tho other day
met n "ell known miser from whom fcho had
novcr been able to extract a cent.
During tho courso of tho conversation tho
lady mentioned that sho had seen his (lortralt
at tho academy.
"And you didn't ask It for a subscription!"
queried tho miser, wbo was fond of his Joke,
"Oh, I thought it useless," calmly replied
tho lady, "tho xjrtralt Is so thoroughly Uko
Tim Old Question.
Reginald Young (who has been very atten
tive during tho evening) I wonder, Miss
Mabel, If you would consider mo Imjicrtlncnt
should I ask you tho old question!
Mua Mabel (greatly agitated) Oh, Regi
nald I This Is to sudden I 1 I yes, I will
listen to you. Reginald.
Reginald Well, then, havo you read "Rob
ert Llsinciof Atlanta Journal.
Thu .Modern Hun.
Editor This ioom, sir, Is mlscrablo trash.
Amateur Oh, uover mind that. Publish
ft, and I'll h-o that It Is copied all over tho
country. 1 havo arranged with a friend of
mine, to claim tho authorship, and then ho
nnd 1 will get Into a boiling hot controversy
over it, Thero nro uo Hies on us oets now
adays. Philadelphia Record.
A Clty'ri IjindinurUa.
Gotham Udy (In Philadelphia) 1 don't liko
tho Philadelphia fashion of keeping tho front
of iiIioubomi uearly closed. How can you
tell which liousoi uro occupied nnd which
I'hiludelphlu Ijidy Oh, that's easy enough;
tho empty house nro thoso with slop cans in
front. Philadelphia Record.
Iinprot Inj; tlm Orriuloii.
Littlo Dot Mamma, papa was reodln' In
tho paper 'bout a o-tmonl mill that exploded
aw f ul in Chicago.
Mamma I suposo tho meal was uot man
Uttlo Uot I dess so. May bo tlioy didn't
put enough sugar on It. Philadelphia Rec
ord. Wtirl.lng u Mlnw.
Head Walter Didn't Mr Uoodheart tip
you Just now I
Waiter Yes, sail, guh 1110 half adollah.
"Well, you wait on that now guest nnd givo
bomo other waiter 11 chnneo at Mr. Hood
heart's table IIo Isn't mora than half
through yet." Philadelphia Record.
"Is thero anything so hard to find as a
ueedlo in 11 haytuckr" ho said, with u sudden
Hash of meteoric brilliance.
"Yes," sho rejoiidcd softly, "It Is qulto as
hard to Mud a haystack In a ueedlo. Did you
over tr to Uud 11 haystack In 11 needle, Mr.
Uradly ("- WaMilngton Post,
Miss Smith Did uuy body call this evening,
Urldgct Yls, miss, Molko O'Shamus and
Miss U. What I I don't know them.
Illddy They called ou mo, mum. Life.
Oliver I do not thluk 1 am qulto myself
this of cuius.
Jeanuotto Allow ruo tocongratulsto you.
I .' r
A QE-MOU3 MISUNDERSTANDING.
Tli Frmlnlnn Names of fUrtrt In Austin
Couin Near ('uutlnu Triiulilo.
Why It wruidono wo cannot say, but qulto
a number of tho stroctnof Austin. Tux,, havo
liccn named after females. Such names as
Hiiitun, buira nnd Isabella stain at you In
largo letters from nhnimt uvery street corner.
Tho Austin rcoilo,or soiuoof t hem nt least,
havo become tolerably familiar with Marin,
Jane, Susan and the rest, but strangers aro
liable to hccoino bewildered by this singular
A gentleman from Dallas, who hod only n
fow hours losiend In thoclty, wished to visit
tho blind asylum, and ho askid the first man
"Can yuu tell 1110 how I can find tho blind
"That's easy enough. Yon know where
ICnitun street Isf"
"I do not, I havo no acquaintance, with
any lady of that namo. There Is it family hi
Dallas of that namo, hut I am not acquaint
ed with them. Docs Ihiuiia Street llvo near
thn blind asy linn I"
Tho Austin man stared at tho stranger for
a moment, and then pointing down Magnolia
nveuuo, ho saidi
"You sou whero Maria comes Into tho av
Tho Dallas man looked In tho direction
pointed out, nud iiercolvhig 11 fat old negro
woman with n big basket 011 her arm, nodded
his head In assent.
"Well, you must tako Maria until you got
to tho corner of Kllzalioth, and continue on
until Matilda and Sarah como together, and
then you will bo all right,"
"lxik hero, my friend, If you think I am
that kind of a mnii becauso I am from Dallas,
you aro most confoundedly olf. 1 want you
to understand that I am it gentleman."
"You dog gastod Idlotl" replied tho Austin
man, "If 1 was us luid olf for bruins as you
aro I would boru a holo In my empty skull
nud hlro a negro to pour hi ten cents' worth
of cheap oleomargarine,"
Tho Dallas man shook his flstnt tho uallvo
ami replied 1
"l'vo always heard that tho State Lunatto
asylum was too small to accommodate all tho
lunatics, but now 1 know it," and ho moved
off toward Ksmcrnlda, whilo tho other wuty
leaned against tho corner of Ann nud Luvi
nla and glared after him as ho disappeared In
tho direction of Martha. T'oxas Slf tings.
"I hear that Robinson has failed again,"
said it Now York business man.
"Yes, so 1 hear," replied tho second Now
York business man.
"Total wreck, everything gonof" said tho
"Yes, everything; all liabilities, no assets
"Yes, that's so. Lost all ho's got."'
"Well, I know It had to como."
"Yos, said so a year ago."
"How did you know I"
"Oh, Robinson Is slow terribly slow.
Why, 1 havo known him to bo gono ton min
utes to his luncheon. Yos, sir; and ho
always took seven or eight minutes. Can't
succeed hi business nnd wasto good tlmo liko
that, dcod-byl" Now York Tribune,
Sol Hinllli UiimoII'- nitcrtmliiB Hoy.
Sol Smith Russell undertook tho other day
to teach his son Hob a lesson In self dental.
"Look hero, Hob," said ho, "wheuover you
get anything good you must glvo tho best of
It to your mothor."
"I alius do," sold Hob. '"Tothcr day I hail
two apples, ono uv 'cm wuz runty, 'ml t'other
wuz yallcr 'ml big. I kep' tho runty ono 'nd
glvo tho big yollor ono to mother."
"That was noblo that was manly that
waa just what 1 should dot" said Mr. Rusbull,
proudly patting his pauqicrod darling's head.
"Now that, my son, Is what wo call an act of
self abnegation, of donial, of sacrifice."
"Yes, sir," said Hob, "but mother don't cat
apples," Chicago News.
rrotcctlon That Protected.
Mrs. Rlloy Did auny wnn eoo nnnythln' o'
mo iroiilu' hoordl
Mr Riley- I'll whUt, Kileeul 01 hov t'go
ochrosht th lots an' th' Casuys hov a now
billy goat, Judgo.
Tho I'crlN of Tiittul.
A short tlmo ago a young I'itUhurgcr who
tiapcuod to bo In Now York encountered
thocuptuln of a Cuuarder with whom ho was
well acquainted. Tho captain xfc&ossca liter
ally world wide famo, uud n braver or hotter
ceumuudocs not hroatho. Ho hod been often
Invited lo visit this city before for ho has
not only friends of travel, hut at loast ono
schoolmate hero and tho young I'ittshurgor
begged him to uccouiany lilm 011 his return
homo. Hut tho old sou dog thanked him
kindly, but added. "Nothing could Induce
mo to trust myself to a railway train over
tho Alleghany mountains. No, slrl It's too
much of a risk for mu to trust my bones on
such a Journey "Pittsburg Dl.patch.
Napier's famous illsiateh from India an
nou need his victory In ono word, "IVivuvl,"
which Is, by Interpretation, "I hao Kctudo.''
Very muih of tho wimu kind was Ueu. do
ISourmout's moNMigo to tho Kivueh wnr mill
Uter hi IKSO, when tho Dey of Algiers cs
cacd him after ticlug taken "I'erdldl"
Diem "I have lost a Dey " It Is said that
Drake, when thcshlifeof tho Aimuda turned
their sal.s, heut to Llialieth tho word "Can-tharlduM-that
Is, "The HmnMi l-Ty." This
last li prohulily a (ahlo. -Temple Uur
Leiiniiil It All.
Lilly -And what does your father dot
Little Ulrl-Oh. uia is a doctor
l.ady ludceilt I bupixk) ho practices a
great deal, din he not
l.lt'.le (iti'l-Uh, no, ho doc&u't practice
any mora He knows how now Hauler's
KiiiisIi 1111 Dr. Iliilmr,
A littlo i;irl of IUmoii who recently wroto
a roinKK.itiui about Dr Holmes remarked
that "ho was for Mvcial years pmfM&or of
monotony at tho eollejjo." Now York Trb
Diamonds, : Jewelry,
AND OPTICAL GOODS.
Repairing and Engraving a Specialty,
110 No. Tenth Street.
Crystal Steam Laundry,
0f!lc, Burr I!lk. Lsnidry, 24th and 0.
Finest Work in the City,
COLLARS AND CUFFS
All work cnllcd for and delivered, and
satisfaction UUarailtCcd. Lcnvn nr,l.ra nt-
olllce or by telephone .J78.
N. R. HOOK, M. D.,
Jrlnary and Recta, Diseases a Specially,
121 Hiht llloek. Twelnh nnd O slrrets. Ofrtcn
lelophoiiM MH. Itrslili'iico Iffifll (J street. Thine. KB
Onicii hours, 0 to ni 11.111. II lo 5 and 3 to o p m
siuidftjs, lOtolla. m v
Drayage and loving
Desires to inform tho public that his equip
incut for moving Household Goods,I'iano
Safes, Mnrchandlsc, Heavy Machinery
etc., Is the best In the city. Special men
and wagons arc kest for the removal o
Pianos and Household Goods,
Which are always handled by competent
and experienced help, and the latest appli
ances used for handling Safes and other
heavy goods. Call, address or telephone
Telephone 111 917 O st.
743 to 745 O Street.
Fruit, Produce and Commlstlon Merchant
IJ, 103 j O Street
Dealer and Jobhcr In
Lace Curtains, Shades, nnd Interior Deco
Telephone No, 685,
103 South nth Street, Lincoi.m Neu
Reopened 1033 O Street-
fact that Fho
to about half
prlco wo havo
services of 0110
of tho hest llu
lshers In Now
York to take
the studio. Our
olTorts shall bo
uu tlr Imb to
and to produce
to any wo havo
Cabinets, $3 per Dozen.
Monarch of the Dailies!
Delivered to any part of the
city for 20 cents a week, every
day in the year Leave sub
scriptions at Lincoln bureau,
1027 P street.
A. L. GUILE & CO.,
302 South Eleventh Street.
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