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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 26, 1889)
UNPREChiiJNTED ATTRACTION I
Over a Million Distributed.
Louisiana State Lottery Comp'y.
Incorporated by Oic. legislature. In 1WW fur
Kducatfonnl nnd Charitable, purposes, nnd Its
franchise, imulu n part of tlio present rttnto
-constitution In 1870 by nn overwhelming pup
Its Mnmniotli Drawings tnkc place
Scml Annually ( tunc and Decem
ber), and Its Grand Single Number Draw,
lugs take place In each of the other ten
months of the year, and arc all drawn In
public, at the Academy of Music, New
FAMED FOR TWENTY YEARS,
For Integrity of Us Drawings, and
Prompt Payment of Prizes.
Attested us Follows:
"Wo do hereby certify Mint wo supervise.
tho nrraiiRcincnts for ult tlio Monthly unil
Heml-Annuul Drnwlnifs of Tlio IOUlsliina
Btnto uittory t'oinimny. ami In person man-
nRO and control tlio i)rnwliiKs themselves,
and tlutl tlio sniuo nro conducted with linn-
esty. fairness, und In pood fnllli towunlnll
parties, nnil u o uuthnrlro the Cor.. puny to use
this cortlllcute, with fiic-nlmHIcs of our Siena-
urcs attached, In Its advertisements."
We, tho undersigned Hunks and Hunker
will pay all prizes drawn In thu IiOiilidaiin
fllnto iotterluH, which may bo presented at
It. M. WALMHI.r.V. I'rcs't I,outsuiiu Nat ll'k
riKHHB I.ANAUX, I'res.tnto National ll'k
A. IIAIjDWIN, l'res. New Orleans Nail Hunk
OAHIiKOlIN, Pros Union National Hank
GRAND MONTHLY DRAWING
At tho Academy of Mnilc, New Orleans,
Tuesday, 1'cbmaty 12, 1880.
Capital Prize, $300,000.
100,000 Tickets at VS Halves IIO; Quarters
f jj Tenths W, Twentieths 1;
LIST OK I'M. K8.
lPitri: op i tiio.doo is $ioo.oon
1 l'ltl.i: OK 1(X),I(0 Is HM.UXI
l puix.i: of rv),ooois mmu
i iMti.i: op a'i.uuoiH mMh
8 1ltIi:.SOK 10.01X) arc auxx
6 I'ltr.KS OK fijnounra &vor
2!illli"KK OK 1,000 aro SYUJO
lUM'HIXHOP COO lire JHOWI
SOOl'HI.KHOK .TOO aro llO.Oni)
worni.nsop sutuiro 100,000
lOOl'rlzes of V0 nro 60,000
100 do. not) nro 30,000
ioo do. aioaro a).otw
IW) do. luu nro 01,000
WJ do. 100 nro 00.000
a, 131 Prizes, amounting to ?l,05l,800
Notk Tickets drawing Cupltnl Prizes nro
not entitled to Terminal Prizes.
' For Club Hates or unv other dcslrn.l
ln'nrinatlnn. write leidhlv to tho undcrslmin.i
cloirly stating jour residence, with titnlo'
Co mty, street nnd Number. More rapid re
turn mall dcll cry will bo assured by jour en
cloning an KiiNclopo bearliiK jour full nd
dress. Head POSTAL NOTKH, Impress Money Or
tiers, or New York Kxcluinicu hi ordinary let
tor. Head curroney by K.prss (at our ex
pense) uddressod M. A. DAUPHIN,
Now Orleans, I.a.
Or M. A. DAUPHIN,
Washington, D. O.
Address Registered Letters to
NUW OIU.I.AKH NATIONAL HANK,
Now Orleans, La
HKMKJIIir.U that tho payment of the
Prizes Is guaranteed by Four National Hanks
of Now Orleans, and tho tickets aro HlRiied by
tho President ofiin Institution, whoso char
to red rlKhts aro recognized In tho highest
courts; thcroforo, bowaro of all Imitations or
ONi; DOI.IiAH Is thoprlcooftho smallest
pnrt or fraction ora ticket IHHITKD 1IY US
In any drawing. Anything In our numo of
ifcred for less than a Dollar Is a Hwlndbi.
OlTice,Rootns 139 and 140 Ihirr Dlock.
J. II. W.IIAWKINS,
ARCHITECT AMD SUPERINTENDENT,
Buildings completed or In course of erection
from April 1, im:
lliul let block. 0 I- ontgntnery, 11th and N.
do do I.WIIIIllugsley, 11th near N.
TlfMaurant (Oilells) O K Jltmtgoniery, N uenr
Itesldeuce, J J ImholT. J nnd I9lli.
do JD Jlnefai-land. Q nnd lltli.
do John Zehrutig, D and 11th
do Albert Wntklim. I) lxt nth nnd 10th
do Win M r;oimiiI. i: lift 0th nnd 10t)i
do K It (Jiithri.), LTth nnd N.
do J E Jteed, M D, V bel 10th and 17th
do I. a M Ilaldn In. (1 lift lKtli and 18tb
Kanltnrlum building ut Milford. Neb,
Flirt llnptlst clniruli, 14th nnd K streets.
ortuary elmdul and receiving tomb at Wyukn
Rooms 33 nnd :n
K.V ! V.IIV PII.UHIII I
niraaa in ill rn, ijr 1
rl laclnff our marhlnra
Kftntlfuutlt whcrvtlit ruiU ran lea
mrni. we win icnu I res 10 on
'p.raun In each locality ,tha very
Leil itwlor-machlna maja In
world. with all Iba atlachmfnta.
I Wo will alio rrnil free a coniplrta
kllntofour coitly and valuitla art
liamiilfi In return wo aik ihatyoa
Ittiow what wa arrut, to Ihoio who
.may rail at your homt.and ner 19
hmuniniaii.naii urcorna jrour own
Rlmnr. llila rranJ niarliina U
naitoanrr ine ninnei iairnta.
wlilch liava run out i Lcfura trta
. run out It luld (or SUII, with lha
ttarhmrnta, and now tolls ror
rf.A lnBaij.oltoi avHAn Inkaa I
rul marhlna In tho world. All la
mtn. No ratillal rcoulrail. l'Uln.
tirlof Initructlon jtlvan. Tnbaa wbowrlta to uaat one can a.
ur flro Iba bait afwlnfmachlna In Iba world, and tba
rln.it lint ofworka o( hlah artoor abown loctlhtrln Am. ilea.
1'JtUli .t CO., litis HO, Augustu, Mulue.
I Bell moro tiottliis of
Dr. Kcth Arnold's
than of nuy other cough
Medicine kept In atnek, ul
thoufili 1 keen llftcen varie
ties, P.M. Robertson. Cntvllto
TOruggUU, 23c., 60c , ud l.oo.
A CAPITAL GOSSIPER.
THE SMALL TALK MONGER IN WASH
INGTON IS A MAN.
Hot He Tells Some Good StoHrs About tit
Men of tho Nation The Iturtis Fmully,
I"nnk LuTrler Senator Insalls' lied Cm
Tot I'liltetus Sawyer's Ron.
Special Oorrospondenco 1
Washington, Jmi. 24. Your Wnsli
Ington goflicr Is a mini, Uu litia leen
hero no ono knows how ninny years. Ho
knows everybody. It Is tlio delight of
his life to tako you up in tho press gal
leries, tho Iwst plnco in tho world to fceo
nubile men, ami point out faces to you.
His touguo moves in nyniphony with his
forellnger. There's nolxxly too grent for
lilm loapinlc of in n fniuilinrwny.no
l)ody too obscuro for him to know Bomo
"There," ho eays, pointing with Ills
lend pencil to a big man In ono of tho
rear Heats of tho Iioubo, "Is Jim Hums,
of Mlssouii. Know Jim? I menu tho
largo man with tho light inustncho and
tho curly hair. That's ono of tho best
men In tho world. Ho weighs 225
pounds antl isn't a lightweight in debnto
or anything elso. Comes from tlio St.
Joseph (list t let In Missouri. Ho Is rich.
Sneer thing nlwut tho Hums family ia
int they hold all their property in com
mon. '1 hero's Jim and his two brothers
nnd lilu two nous. Altogether they nro
worth about $,000,000, nnd every cent
of it h held In common. They liavo tho
biggest bank in St. Joseph, lots of real
estate and Blocks. Tho tlireo Durns
brothers and Jim's two sons nro all
chums. They livo together in a grout
house in St. Joseph. Tho brothers nio
all widowers, and tho boys linvo nover
married. Their houso is like a club
house, nnd ono of tho Iwst plncca
m mo worm to upend a low weeus. 1 Hoy
htivo a country houso nt a summer resort
near St. Joscpli. Great times thoy havo
out there, 1 hey havo plenty of guests
from among "tho boys" of St. Jo, Kansas
City and St. Louis. It is esteemed nn
honor as well as a pleasure to bo Invited
to spend a fow days with tho Hurnses.
Tho Hurnses nro always together. That's
ono of JIiii'h sons Bitting beside him now.
How did ho get in on . tho lloor, boeing
ho isn't a member? I don't know. Guess
ho'a a committco clerk or something,
Tell you n storv about this Hums bov.
All tho Hums lwys play iokcr. Their
father taught them how when they wcro
little fellows. This ono in particular is
a grent twker player. Last summer tho
threo Hums brothers nnd Jim's two boys
wero playing a pretty stiff gnmo ono
night out at their summer house. They
aroalways playing together, nnd don't
llko to play with outsiders. On this oc
cjislon young Hums lost several big pots
to his father, and then turned round and
nut up a hand on tho old man, and beat
him out of 7,000 at ono bhow down.
But you mustn't get tho idea that Jim
Hums is a rough man. Ho'h a gentle
man, and was llnely educated. Ho grad
uated second In his class nt Ilnrvard,
was a circuit judgo for several years,
and has been in congress since 18SI. Ho
lives at Willard'a hotel, whero ho pays
$350 a month for Ids rooms, so ho will
havo a good placo in which to keep bach
elors' hall for tho entertainment of tho
other Hurnses, who nro often with hlin.
"Tho man in ligtit clothes, with n red
necktie, a smilo on his face, and bangs
on his forehead? That is William Wal
ter Phelps, of Now Jersey. Ho looks
somewhat liko a dude, but peoplo who
think ho is ono don't know him. Phelps
is a brainy innn. At Vnlo ho was a
leader both in tho class room and on tho
campus. IIo looks effeminate, but ho is
an athlete. His muscles nro liko steel.
IIo ha3 a stock ranch down In Texas,
and when ho goes down thero ho'a a
Texan. Jumps a bronco and rides
thirty miles without stopping, carries a
gun nnd di Inks a littlo whisky with tho
natives just to keep them good nuturcd.
Phelps had brains enough to make his
own way in life. Heforo ho was 25 years
old ho had a largo law practice Made
Ids fortune In railroads. Somo years
ago ho had nearly his whole fortune, in
vested in ono enterpribo the Texas Cen
tral. Ho kept sending good money after
bad in that nit hole till his friends ad
vised him to pull out or ho would ruin
himself. Tho road wouldn't pay. Hut
Phelps Btuek to it till ho had put in
$1,000,000, and finally tho load turned
tho hill and mado him a very rich
man. He is ono of tho most genial
men in public life. Everybody likes
him. His miiuncrs nro boft, almost ef
feminate. Hut if you think ho hasn't a
will just try him once. IIo can yes or
no quicker and btick to it longer than
nny man in congress. IIo likes to bo
frank and communicativo when frank
ness will help homebody and hurt no
body, but you couldn't pull a word out of
him with a yokoof bteera when thero nro
reasons why ho shouldn't talk. IIo
adores Bkihio and is fond of giving
dinners. It is onoof tho treats of Wash
ington to bit at his table. IIo is generous
with his money, but makes no display of
it. Ho gives away moro money in charity
than anybody I know of in Washington.
Do you remember how ho baved young
Eno from going to prison by going down
into Ilia pocket and pulling out 110,000,
and fairly bhamlng Kno'a rich father
into putting up a Biinilar sum to savo his
his boy? Plicfps did that simply out of
tho goodness of his heart, and not bo
causo ho had nny selfish interest in young
Eno, for ho lindn't.
"I know of another caso. When
Phelps was down in Texas bomo years
ago ho met Hilly Crain, now in congress.
Craiu was l.imenting his Lad luck in a
cattle ranch, and i.aid ho was likely to
loso everything ho had. 'How much
would ttivo j ouV asked Phelps. 'Twenty
thousand dollars,' bald Grain. 'I'll let
you have it,' icplicd Phelps, as quick us
that, and ho gavo him his check on tho
spot. Grain has since paid back ovcry
dollar of tho loan. That's tho kind of a
man Phelps 1j. Ho'a u clear thinker, a
bplendid talker, and a man with a heart
in him. ,
"Tho littlo man bitting down thero In
front Ls l'rnnk Uiwlcr. Surely you'vo
heard of him. Ho comes from Chicago.
Used to keen a saloon thero. Llkea to
talk about tho poor workingman nnd
twist tlio tail of tho Uritish lion. Somo
peoplo poke fun nt Frank Lecnuso ho
murders tint ntinnii'n I'.rl..Hcl mwl M,.r.-
. nit 1 think ho dcscrvc.1 a
good deal or credit for pulling himself
u tho way ho has without nnv early
udvantajres. Ho ia tho hardest work-in-?
man in congiess. At I) o'cloik cerv
morning ho begins liii lounda ut
tho (lepjituurta. llo wurl.ii through
moro c.'ioi)4 urn! things IiU that tlun
anybody. Uyt u cato in Trail!: Law I rV
CAPITAL CITY COURIER, SATURDAY, JANUARY 26,
hands, nnd It's nlmost ns good ns won.
Ho etlcks nnd hangs llko a leech. About
11 o'clock ho runs around tho hotels, nnd
If thuro'ti anybody In town from Chicago
ho shows them tho night, takes Iheui up
to call on tho president, nnd does tho fair
thing by them generally. After his work
in the house la done ho sits tin till 2 or U
o'clock In the morning writing letters
nnd wmllng out public documents. IIo la
the greatest letter writer in congresi.
Popular? Should say ho was. Tlio chances
tiro he'll come to congress ns long us ho
wants to, Ho Henda $500 a year for
publiu documents to bo mailed his con
stituents. All tho peoplo In Ids district
havuHinall llbrnrleaof public documents.
Why, oven tho switchmen antl gnto
tenders along thu railroads that run
through I'Yunk'a district hao libraries
of public documents piled up In their
littlo rilmntlcH. Thoy nil bwenr bv Frank
Lawler. Ho'a a innn of good Intuits, nnd
la nobody'a fool, either. To sliow you
how smart ho ia I'll tell you ho
keeps a pair of cyo glasses in his
vest pocket. When ho meets anybody
that knows him and that ho can't place
ho shakos hands warmly, ingeniously
finds out who tlio person is, nnd (hen
pulls out his glasses, wipes them carefully
andsayst 'Why, of course. I'd a-known
you in a uiiuuto if I'd lind my glasses
on. You see, my eyea aro getting weak.'
Fratrk I jiwler's oyea aro ns good ns yours
"That grent heavy man, with a body
as big as a tobacco hogshead, ia Harncs,
of Georgia. IIo weighs moro than U00
pounds, and la the blggeet man In Con
gress by long odds, ami ono of tho most
eloquent. Heard a good story about
Barnes. Tho other day ho went with
some southern friends of his up into the
loft of tho war, stato nnd navy build
ing, whero a lino viow of tho city and
river is to bo had. Wlillo they wcro up
thero Barnes' friends noticed him to
turn palo and look Beared. Thoy naked
him what tho matter was, nnd ho trem
blingly pointed ton placard which read;
i Tho supporting streiiRth of this floor U i
: IWltM. per so, tu
" 'Great Godl' ho oxclaiiucd,''I "weigh
800 pounds, and if I don't straddlo out
I'll go down V
"And milting his nction to tho word
ho begnn to tnuo long steps bo his wliolo
weight wouldn't comooii any ono wiuaro
foot of tho lloor."
Thus tho Washington gossipcr rattles
on alxmt ono man nftcr another, no mat
ter who. It is nil tho &nmo to him. Go
over to tho ucnato and tho first man ho
begins on is Iresident Ingalls.
"Ingnlls," ho Bays, "la ono of tho
brainiest men In tho senate. Tho only
trouble with him is ho likes to say smart,
cutting tilings. Ho doesn't mean half
ho Bays, but ho is bo fond of slashing und
hitting ho can't let folks nlono. I'vo
heard lilm tear his best friends to pieces.
What ho llkea best is to havo peoplo talk
back to lilm. IIo likes to have peoplo
glvo him ns good as hoBcnds.nnd I think
if 6omo men would take a whack at lilm
Instead of going off and talking about
his malignity ho'd respect them
moro, nnd thoy'd understnnd nnd
llko lilm better. Next to his
wifo, ho Is wonderfully fond of his
family. I think ho likes to ridicule men
In a ioL'intr wnv. IIo used to hoard tlnwn
nt tho Strnthmoro Arms hotel, whero
Logun lived. Congressman Thomas, of
Illinois, boarded thero, too, and Ingalls
used to nng Thomas unmercifully. Fi
nally Thomas turned on hia persecutor.
Ingalls la llko Phelps used to bo hi his
fondness for red neckties, nnd ono day
ho nut on ono that was unusually largo
and red. When thoy Bat down to dinner
that evening, Logan, Ingalls, Thomas
nnd others nil ntono table, Tliomns began
in this way:
'"Scnntor Ixtgan,' said he, 'as I was
coming up Twelfth street this afternoon
I saw something that shocked mo very
much, bonicthing that frightened mo till
tho blood Blood still in nty veins.'
" 'What wa3 It?" Inquired Lognn.
" 'Why, I looked up towmd this houso
and tho building boomed to bo on flro.
It wns wrapped in flumes. I started and
ran as fast as 1 could, thinking of what
a tcrriblo thing It would bo if inv wifo
and you and Mra. lagan nnd all tho
others should not bo able to get out, if
tho lurid Humes bltould envelop nnd
coiibiimo you. if wo should havo a great
holocaust light hero in our peaceful littlo
hotel. Tho thought waa bo horrifying
that I inn at tho top of my speed, crying
flro and lousing tho peoplo along tho
way. Tho shock to my nerves was so
great that 1 am still trembling.'
"'Hut what wnsit,' inquiicil Logan,
'that gavo ou such a nlghtmai o as that?
" 'As I camo closer to tho houso,'
Thomas replied, 'I caw what it was.
Senator Ingalls wns standing on tlio
front btcps, whero tho rnyaof tho betting
sun caught him, und ho had that neck
"For onco in hia llfo Ingalls was
knocked out. While Logan and tho
others laughed tho benator from Kansas
blushed as icd as tho oirendlng necktio,
but ho could mako no reply. Ho didn't
get mad, though, and when Mrs. Ingalls
met Jlra. Thomas at luncheon next day,
alio said, 'Do you know, Mrs. Thomas,
James is ery fond of your husband?1
IngalUand Thomas nro now tho best of
friends, for tho president of tho benato
likes a man who babsea back, but ho hua
nover since that day worn a red necktie.
"Talking about big men, that round
headed, gray old fellow thero isn't bo
very small. IIo ia Senator Sawyer, of
Wisconsin. Tho politicians bay ho has
tho btato or Wisconsin in hia iockot.
Sawyer told mo onco ho came to the
scnato blmply becauso ho hud nothing
elso to do. Ho was dying of ennui.
Tho senatorial seat woa u boit or pltiy
thing Tor lilm. IIo bays now ho has got
all tho fun out of it thero ia to bo had,
and that ho doesn't caio to conio back
any moie. But ho htm fouv yeura yet to
servo. Sawyer ia very fond of Ida bon,
who Is out west, Texas, 1 ihink, on n
cattle much. When tho young man got
ready to btart out for himself the old
gentleman gao lilm $150,000 and told
him to tako (;ood caio of himself nnd hia
iuonoy. 'That Isn't tho way I btarted
in lifo,' added tliobciiutor; 'hiordertogot
out Into tho woild and get n stait on my
own hook, 1 had to buy my timo lioin thu
master to whom I waa appi enticed, It
cost mo t100 or hard earned money to
get away fiom tho blacksmith hhop and
into tho Limber hublncba."'
If you havo tho timo to bparo your
Washington gossipcr will go on llko this
til tho t.fteiT.oou. IIo la a cry enter
taluiujiillrtv Yi'Ai.Tun Wulluan.
Dinienlt to (Jtiderktnml.
Custom Hero U coinething in inv
chicken inlail, waiter, that k-uta n goo-1
deal liko leather.,.
Waiter D.tt calm: he posa'ble,
Customer 'hy not?
Waitir Kr.to e. Ivca don' 1
fciitucru. VIio Knuvli.
After hnvlnc inflicted corpornl punishment
on Paul tho other day, I took hint and told
lilm how It hurt tno when lio U nnuguty and
I havo to whip him. On tho next occasion
ho tukodt "Mniiuna, did it hurt you when
you whipped mo this tinioP "Vos, dear, It
always hurts mo when I havo to punish you."
"That servos you right for whipping mo,"
If fVj - ' '
IIo (on n suburban visit) I ant suddenly
called to Now York on very urgent business,
Miss Jones, but lieforo I go I want to thank
you for tho great pleasure I havo enjoyod In
your society, and to say thaHhat-n-vr
Bho (blushing) Oh, Mr Urlzzlo, pray
IIo Ur-to say, that If you over want any
thing hi tlio ribbon lino, I'm at tho head of
that dowrtmciit at I'lush & HntlnV. Clood-by.
Wasn't (lltlnit Anything Away.
Judge ItlcliardMiu, of thu court of claims,
who lectures on constitutional law at tho law
school of tho Georgetown university, gar
nishes his dUcoures with ninny amusing und
Interesting stories, among which Is a iartlo
ularly good ono which ho reluten of Mr.
Hoar, tho father of tho senator from Massa
chusetts. Ho brings It In to clinch tho point
that tho opinion of a Judgo wlillo off tho
bench, or of u lawyer when not engaged upon
a caso Involving tho matter in dtsputo, I of
no moro valuo than that of an ordinary mor
tal. Ono day, according to tho Judgo, a man
stopped Mr. Hoar on tho street and axkxl
lilm a question on law, Tho uusn cr strength
ened tho questioner In his dotorniluutlon to
bring n certain suit, but w hen ho put tho
matter in tho hands of his ottornoy tho latter
told lilm ho had no caso. Hack went tho
questioner to Mr. Hoar,
"Didn't you tell mo thus and so tho othor
dnyf" ho asked.
"Well, yes, I supposo I did," said tho old
lawyer; "but you didn't iy mo anything for
It, and tho fact Is I nover can get qulto right
unless I'm paid for It."
Or, as Judgo lllchardson naively puts Itt
"Ho lacked tho fooling of rcsiwusiblUty."
Now York Ti ibuno.
Only Ono Thins left.
First Society Man tyawuhig) What timo
Second Socloty Man (stretching) Nino
"Too lato for tho theatre"
"Too early to go to bod."
"I'm too sleepy to read or talk."
"Bo am I Too tired to think."
"Well, as neither of us teem good for any
thing cImj, let'B dress up and go to Mrs. West
ctid's party." Philadelphia Kocord.
Complimentary to tint Artist.
A lady, who w as accustomed to solicit for
several charltnblo Institutions, tho other day
metn well known miser from whom tlio had
never been ablu tu extract a cent.
During tho course of tho conversation tho
lady mentioned that sho had seen his portrait
at tho academy.
"And jou didn't ask ft for a subscrlptlouP
queried tho miser, who was fond of his Joko.
"Oh, I thought It useless," calmly replied
tho lady, "tho ortralt U so thoroughly llko
Tim Old Question.
Reginald Young (w ho has been very attcn
tlvo during tlio evening) I woudcr, Miss
Mabel, If you would consider mo Impertinent
should I iifcU you tho old ciuestiouf
Miss Mabel Igieatly ngltntcd) Oh, Itegl
naldl This Is so Midden I 1 I yes, I wa
listen to ou, iteginniu.
Iteglnald Well, then, havo you read "Rob
ert nismcrof' Atlanta Journal.
Tho Modern I'lun.
Editor This xem, sir, Is mlscrablo trash.
Amutciir Oh, nover mind that. Publish
it, and I'll sco that It Is copied all over tho
country 1 havo arranged with n friend of
inlno to claim tho authorship, and thcu ho
nnd 1 w ill get Into a boiling hot controt ersy
over It. Thero nro no Hies on us pouts uoiv
adays. Philadelphia Record.
A City's Ijindmnrtii.
Gotham Udy tin Philadelphia! I don't liko
tho Philadelphia fashion of Looping tho front
of u houko bo nearly closed. How can you
tell which housed aro occupied and which
Philadelphia t -ady Oh, that's easy enough;
tho empty houses urothoso w 1th slop cans In
frout, Philadelphia Record.
luiproilni; tho Otriuloii,
Littlo Dot Muinina, papa was read In' In
tho puer 'bout a oatmeal mill that oxplodod
aw f ul In Chicago.
Mummu I suposo tho meal was not man
IJttlo lot 1 dess so. Maylw thoy didn't
put enough sugar on It, Philadelphia Rec
ord. Wording n Mltm.
Head Walter Didn't Mr Uoodheart tip
you Just now!
Walter-Yes, sail, guli mo half ndollah.
"Well, you wait on thut now guest and givo
somo other waiter a chaneo at Mr. Oood
heait's tublo Hn Isn't moro than half
through yet." Philadelphia Record.
"Is thero anything so hard to find as a
ueodlo In a huy.tucki" ho said, with u Hidden
Mash cT meteoile brllllanca
"Yes," Mio lesponded softly, "It Is qulto as
hind to Hud a buy stuck hi a ncedlo. Did you
over try to llnd u buystaek In u needle, Mr
Drodlyf"- Washington Post,
Miss Smith Did uuy body call this evening,
lirldgct YU. miss, Molko O'Shamus and
Miss 8. What! I don't kuow thorn.
Biddy Tuey called on mo, mum. Life.
Oliver 1 do not taluk 1 am qulto myself
Jeanuetto Allow mo to congratulate you.
A SERIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING.
Tli Femlnlnn Nniiifs of Street In Austin
Coma Near Canning Trouble.
Why It was dono wo cannot say, but qulto
a number of tho strectsof Austin. Tox hnvo
lieen named after females. Such names ns
I'uiiun, Iuira and Isnlwlla staront you In
largo letters from almost overy street corner.
Tho Austin icoiil(vr somo of tlioin at least,
hnvo Uvulae tolerably familiar with Mai In,
Jane, Susan and tho rest, hut strangers nro
llibluto hccuiuv bewildered by this singular
A gentleman from Dallas, who had only a
fow hours to sieutl In thoclty, wished to visit
tho blind asylum, ami ho asked tho llrst man
"Can you tell mo how I can (hid tho blind
"That's cosy enough. You know whoro
Kuiuiii street Is!"
"I do not. 1 havo nn ucqualiitnneo with
any lady of thnt name, Thero Is a family in
Dallas of that name, but I am not acquaint
ed with them. Does Hnima Street llvo near
tll'i blind asylum P'
Tho Austin man stared at the stranger for
a moment, ami then pointing down Magnolia
avenue, ho said t
"You soo whero Maria comes Into tlio nv
Tho Dallas man looked In tho direction
K)lnted out, nnd perceiving a fat old negro
woman with a big basket on her arm, nodded
his head hi assent.
"Well, you must tako Maria until you got
to tho corner of Dliuilioth, and continue on
until Matilda and Sarah eomo together, nnd
then you will bo all light,"
"Look heio, my filond, If you think I nm
thnt kind of a man becauso I am from Dallas,
you aro most confoundedly oir. I want you
to understand that I am n gentleman,"
"You dog gastod Itllotl" replied tho Austin
man, "If 1 was us bad off for brains ns you
aro I would boro a holo In my empty skull
and hlro a negro to pour In ten ecntV worth
of cheap olcoiiiurgarluo."
Tho Dallas man shook his llstnt tlio untlvo
"Pvo always heard that tho Statu Lunatic
asylum was too small to accommodate nil tho
lunatics, but now 1 know It," and ho moved
off low aril Dxmcriildn, wlillo tho other party
loaned against tho comer of Ann und Lnvl
nln nnd glared after lilm as ho dlsapjieared In
tho direction of Martha. Tuxan Slftlngs.
"I hear that Robinson has failed again,"
said a Now York buslucNi man.
"Yos, so I hear," refilled tho second Now
York business man.
"Total wreck, o very thing gonor' said tho
"Yos, overythlng; all liabilities, no ossota
" Yes, that's so. Lost all ho's got." -
"Well, I know It had to como."
"Is that sol"
"Yes, said mj n year ago."
"How did you knowT'
"Oh, Robinson Is slow terribly slow.
Why, 1 havo known him to bo gouo ton min
utes to his luncheon, Yos, sir; and ho
always took kovoii or eight mlnutos. Can't
bucccod hi bttslncbs and wasto good timo llko
that. Good-byl" Now York Tribune,
Sol Smith Ilussell's DUccruliis Hoy.
Sol Smith Russell undertook tho other day
to teach his son Dob a lesson In self denial.
"Look hero, Hob," said ho, "whenever you
get anything good you must glvo tho best of
It to your mother "
"1 alius do," said Bob. "T'other day I hail
two itpplei, ono uv 'cm wuz runty, 'nd t'other
wuz yaller 'nd big. I kep' tho runty ono 'nd
glvo tho big yallor ono to mother."
"Thut wns noblo that was manly that
was Just what 1 should dot" said Mr. Russell,
proudly patting his iampcrod darling's head.
"Now that, my son, Is what wo call uu act of
self abnegation, of denial, of sacrifice."
"Yes, sir," said Bob, "but mother don't oat
apples." Chicago Nows.
Protection Thnt Protected.
Mrs. Rlloy Did nnny wan roo annythln' o'
Mr Riley-I'll whUt, Klleen I Olhovt'go
achrosht lb lots un' th' Casoys hov a now
billy goat. Judgo.
Tho Perils of Timet.
A short timo ago a young I'itt&burger who
happened to bo hi Now Yoils encountered
tho captain of n Cuuarder with whom ho was
well acquainted Tlio captain Kxuh.scs liter
ally world wldo faino, und a braver or hotter
seaman does not hrcutha Ho had been often
Invited to visit this city before for ho has
not only friends of travel, but nt least ono
schoolmate hero and tho young I'ltUburgor
begged him to uceouii.iny him on lib return
homo. But tho old boa dog thnuked him
kindly, but added "Nothing could Induco
mo to trust myself to a railway train over
tho Alleghuny mountains. No, slrl it's too
much of a rUk for mo to trust my bones on
such a Journey " 1'ltu.burg DUpatclu
Historic J oil r.
Napier's (unions dispatch from India an
nou need his victory in ono word, "IVtfu.f,"
which Is, by Interpretation, "I havo Koliulo.
Very much of tho sumo liiud was (Jut do
Boiiriuont's mowMigu to tho Kicuch war inln
Utor In ISW, when tlio Doy of Algiers es
caped him after being tuken "I'enlldi"
Diem "1 lui c loht ii Doy" ItisKild that
Drnko, when the hlilps of tho Armada turned
their sal jsk'iiI to fllzalieth tlio word "Can
thuridos'-tliat Is, "The Spanish Fly " This
lnt l pioliuhly u folilo. -Teuiplo Bar
l.eitrmd It All.
I Ally And what dues ysmr father dol
Little Ulll-Oh mia Is u dot tor
Ijidy ludccdl I suikso hu practices a
grent deal, doer, be tint!
I.ll'lo (ilrl-Uh. m. ho doeMit practice
any mora lie Lnows how now Ilnrer'b
Couch on Dr. Holme.
A littlo girl nl Boston who recently wroto
n coniositiiiii alsjut Dr Holme lomorkod
that "ho wa. for nevnal years professor of
monotony nt tho cohVjjc," Now York Tribune.
Diamonds, : Jewelry,
AMD OPTICAL GOODS,
Repairing and Engraving a Specialty.
110 No. Tenth Strett.
Crystal Steam Laundry,
Ofllce, Burr lllk, LsnsJry, aith nnd 0.
Finest Work in the City.
COLLARS AND CUFFS
All work called for nnd delivered, nnd
satisfaction (tunrntitccd. Leave orders nt
ofllce or by telephone .J78.
N. R. HOOK, M. D.,
Jrinary andRectai Diseases a Specialty.
lAlNI.l-JlHHUnKM onieo, nxiins VU, lltliuid
21 lurrlloelf. Twelnh and O strrrti. omc.
tl phono MH Itesldenen I0ai Qstrvpi. 'I'lione
?uXM0ntj,0ll,?a.,?"',n- a "",,at" B P
Drayage and Moving
Desires to Inform the public that Ids equip
inCIlt for limvlllir llnnanlwibl Cim,l. IHann.
Snfcs, Marchandlse, Huavy Machinery
tf- la !... 1...-. I.. .1.- -1... ,. . .
..., .. un ..-m in wic city, special men
nnd wagons nrc kest for the removal o
Pianos and Household Goods,
Which arc nlunvn liniwllnd K fiunnirin
and experienced help, and the latest apnll-
iim.-h linen ior iianuimi' aatcs ami other
heavy goods. Call, address or telephone
Telephone tu 917 O t.
ihu 1 .743 to 70 Street.
Fruit, Produce and Commlstlon Mcrchnnts
Oi ,. . ,0 Street
ucaicrnnu jouncr In
Lace Curtains, Shades, and Interior Deco
Telephone No, 685.
1 r.-j South nth Street, Lincoi.m Nku
Reopened 1033 O Streets
fact that Fho
lieun red nod
to about half
tho form or
prlco wo havo
services of ono
of tho best Hit
Ishers In New
York to tako
the studio. Our
ollorla shall bo
untlrln u to
to nny wo havo
Oabinets, $3 per Dozen.
Monarch of the Dailies!
Delivered to any part of the
city for 20 cents n week, every
day in the year Leave sub
scriptions at Lincoln bureau,
1 02 7 P street.
A. L. GUILE & CO.,
302 South Eleventh Street.
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