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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 22, 1888)
m 1 i it- Wneekw nERflLB in i .NF.gii.u:i rou S! PER Y EAR Eit lanje pa5 r niisl evnv wo evnv week with riirrfuui roiliTIM new', correct uuirktt reports IllMCllntKlllll Tim ilhutrolis ilNitiitvn nlir.ictiil unhrrtiil mln, litirrtwunii ii-iimit, nix'i'lul nil. HI! HKIt. Al.li H tilrtiintn mi.illlntr tluMOftf nnv nthi r hiw iMr. Nw lixituremin' ttrlnu n'liliM from time In line, nnl rontlnnnllr Inrnwv. tho Interest In .tli mmn rlrolx. Iln mim id HKN1) lull A KIlKi: MAMI'l.l. COPY Iwfnr mitmcrllilntt fur nny other nowspapor. AlIlti:s-t CUIOACIO WEEKLY HKRALD, Chicago, III. CMo-ib"' Ho-'l M'trnlutt .""fcwuBipjr li TI-IB DAILY HERALD, Q PAGGS FOR 2 CTS hold by nrwimf n everywhere or m-nt liy mull (or N) Cents iwr iiiunlli. ADDIIKSS THE aUIOAQO HICRALD, I'.ll A 1MJ Klflh-AV.. UUIUAQO. JAMBS W, OOOTT, PubllBhor. OThoBUYimB'ClUIDBIa Issued Mnrah and Bopt., onolt yonr. It is nn onoy olopodla of usotul Infor mation for nil who pur ohaso tho luxuries or tho nooossltlos or llfo. Wo can olotho you nnd fiirnliH you with nil tho nooonsary nnd unnocossary nppllnncos to lido, walk, dnnco, nlcop, cat, nU. hunt, work, ito to church, or ntay nt homo, nnd In varloun uUo.i, Mylos unit quantities, Just llguro out what is requlrod to do Ml thoso things COMFORTABLY, nnrt you onn mnkoafalr estimate of tho vnluo of tho I1UYEHB' dUIDE, wrhloh will bo sont upon rooolpt of 10 oonU to pny posUgo, MONTGOMERY WARD & CO. 1U-114 Michigan Avonuo, Chicago, 111. 'TIM !" The lust Illustrated humorous newspn tier. Tito effect of the Illustration Is iiciglitciwd l.v the use of four color. AImi ii luted on coaled paper. Time is Staunchly Republican It vigorously nihocntcs the maintain mice of n protective tariff; mul It speaks In no unccitnln voice forUcpuhllcnn princi pled, nnd for doctrines of the party ns set forth In the Hcpubllcnn platform of 18SS. Such ti paper, spcnklng directly to the eye ol the voter directly through lt situ p'ennd pownful cartoons, n well ns to the mind through its editorials, w III he of positive value to sou during the present campaign. This being n campaign of education, In which It Is necessary to tench the voter tho plain facts of the tltuntlon by every menus within reach, a paper such ns TIM ft should be found weekly In the rending room of every Republican club In the country, Single copies, ten cent each; subset lp Hon, 3 mo., $1.35; 6 mos., $3.50; one yenr $5.00; sample copv by request. Ask your newsdealer for TlMh. TIME PUBLISHING CO., 14 & 16 Vcxey street, New York. E. T. ROBERTS & SON, Undertakers and Embalmeis. 212 North nth Street, AYImlMir Hotel Annex, Telephones, Ollicc 145. Residence 156. Open Day nnd Xlglit. Reopened 1033 O Street. Notwith standing tho fact that Pho tographs havo been red u cd to nbout half tho former price wo hnvo exgaged tho scrvlecsof ono of tho best fin ishers lu Now York to tnko charge of that department of the studio. Our etrorts shall bo untlrlHg to glvo each cus tomer ontlro satisfaction and to produce superior work to any wo hnvo done before. Cabinets, $3 per Dozen. jK.fiJ lkv PKffrPrRn xZKwtK5E A VEHSATILE FATHEfl. tTtr.r Ho Told tho (J nod Nnws to I'lraM Kvcrjbody. Young Cliubblns uni n fntlicr. In I1I1 Joy ho hnd lorgotten most everything but (lint oiufnct, Huddenly ho thought It would lw well to notify his peoplo. A nice discrimination Ind to lw exercise! In nildix-siliij tho vnrlom relatives. Uuclo Anion, for lintniire, wm n Jolly old tout, who would tnl:o kindly to n Jikwo nnnmuieeiiiont; Cousin Mnrln, 011 tlio otlirr liniid, wns of u t erlous, 0110 may oven say n noveru tin 11 of mind, mid ns M10 was O'J, 11 spinster, mid well Hhluncd of worldly goods, nnd ns Mn. Cliiibblns wns her next of kill, It behooved young Cliuliblns to huvo n enro how ho tij proaelied nny subject w lilt her, milch 111010 nu niinouneeuipiit of tin) ndvout Into this sorrowing world of another Buffering mor tnl. Tho I'lgKlntes, now, nnd Mehltnblu Mo Wlinrten, would not mind hnw tlio matter nm broached, provided tlioy had prompt mul liimicdlatouou. Willi conlldrnco that ho wna eipinl to tho tnsl:, young Cluibbltis ran I1I1 Angers through lila hair, nlmrponod his (iciicll, mid "daslicd o(Y" tho followliigi Dear Unclo Amos, Iloholil 1110 ramoiul 1 mil n fntlicr, Ami I uoutil rattier Ilo tlmt than ldtit Or nil) ttittitf. It Is n lioy, Howlslmsjoyl Mother mid clillil oro 1I0I11R well, AmltlinlUnll 1 linvotolcll. Ivor Cousin Marin, t hasten to nay Tho Cruitililnscs mini tier Ihreo nentoin today. Tho now oiirt oti lioth of us cnsllt rullocls (Iln'd l) nniiicd nflcrjou, If It weren't for his box); llo npiH'ntvil on tho sectio nt nquarter ast cltfht. And ho and till mother uro dolug first rate. "It might hnvo been hotter to work blank verso on her," reflected young Cliubblns, "but 1'vo given lur tho sumo motor ns 'Tlio Assyrian ennio down hko n wolf 011 tho fold,' which Is 0110 of hor fnvorites. I guess It'll go." To tho KlgKlnsos ho wrotot Come, flro tho bolls, and ring tho guns And IlInK the lly liaiulamia out; Wo'vo got n iKiuncInf, ten X)iind boy, And that, you kco, Is why I shout. Como one, vomo nil (somo weoka from now), And frnio upon his placid brow: Or It yon enro for oonietlilng chotco, l'dy closo attention to his oleo. Tlila was tils misslvo to Moliltnbloi My dear, old friend, Melilt Alel, 1'vo nows, lo wit; Tho' yesterday we'd nono Today wo lia o n son. No mnttcr w hqt they say, You'ro welcomo, nuy day. "Tlicre," nlgheil young Cliubblns. "That'll fetch 'em. I feci hotter." Tablo Talk. Tlio Correct Version. Mrs. II. Nornh, did Mrs. lllchly leavo nny messago when you told bcr I wns not nt homo I Nornh No, ma'nm, sho didn't; but sho looked very much pleased. Ufe. Not In (lood Hrnltli. Citizen (to Unclo Rnsttis) You seom to rcllsu that melon, Unclo Unstini. Uuclo Itnstus Yes, snh ; it um onoobdo fines' Iso ctt ills yeah. Citizen Ilut you nro not looking very well. Unclo Itnstus No, sah; I don' feel worry peart, fo' or fao'; I 'specs It ntn do mlllyun I ett las' night. Now York Bun. Vivid, Certainly. "Yes," said ArtU, "I havonlmost flnlslioil mypnlntlngof tho 'Group In Shook1" "What's unfinished yctl" Inquired Amor. "I don't know what to put In tho fore ground. Mephlstophcles H not Infenia'i cnouglu" "Well," mid Amor, whoso licst girl hns a llttlo brother, "you might uso n small boy." Time. limine. Irritated Fronchmnn (to Ainorican wlvo lias taken him for n wniter) Sirr, you lnvo gr-rrossly Insulted mo. Tbcro Is my canl. My ccconds vlll valt upon you, slr-pr. Anicrican Nover mind your keconds, Fa'nchy. You can wait upon mo just ra well, l'ass mo tho Worcester snucc, and bo quick about It. San Francisco Wasp. In tlio Courso of Ycnrs. Citizen (to old engineer)! b'poso in j-our loug llfo on tho road you havo met with mora or less, mishaps! Old Engineer Oh, yes; lots of 'em. Citizen Probably run over dozens of peo ple! Old Engineer (with pride) Dozens! run over hunilrcdsl New York Suu. I'to Should Hnvo Snld "GcnU." That was n contradictory tort of an cITu- blon written by n discharged clerk to his former employers: "Sept. 1, 18S8. Itoo&Doo: Gentlemen You nro no gentlemen. Respectfully yours, Jons Smith." Harpor's Ilazai Absorption. Ncit to tho small boy on the front scat at a baseball game, tho most rcmarkablo caso of absorption wo over saw was that of a cat which stepped on somo Halting sawdust lu a mill pond, with tho impression that it was solid. Onco n Week. Not So Had. Hobbs Thero goes u man w ho has buried fifteen wives. Mrs. Hobbs For heaven's sakesl What Is ho! Acecond Illuoboard! Hobbs No, an undartaker, Detroit Frco Tress. Its Hay Out. Customer (to waiter) Somo cheese, please, "Walter Dog pardon, sir; very sorry, sir. Chccso out, sir. Customer That sol AYheu do you oxpect it bnckf-LIfe. Good for Tramps. Tho latest fad is that stockings must match tho color of tho shoos. Whllo this lasts tramps will bo in tbo height of style, Onco ft 'Week, Tho Ways of Soma rcoplo. Somo peoplo will ontcrnstoro not knowing I what they want and to out kicking bocauso 1 .hoy didn't gtt tt. Ottawa Local Nows. ON GCRAP BOOKS. Hill Nya Itrlate HI I"irrlnen for Header's llenrnt. A eorrespomlent writes from IVnsneoln, Fin., asking what Is xrfcctlou or tho nearest tiorfrctlon In n scnip book, nlso desiring to Know my own experience In sernp liooks, If I over had nny. A scrap tiook generally Is l'lio n illnryt you lKgln to keep It with oxtrcino exuberance, nnd you grnduolly Hag nud dicker out ttntl lliimmlx, ns ouo might sny, 1 liegnn simply by ordering from my con grewuiian nn rditioii do tuzoof tho reK)i t of tho commissioner of tiluenllon, bound In plain muslin nud lionrds. Taking n voltimo of this kind to my nlry suit, of hall bedroom nnd woodliox, with tho keen blndo of u butcher knlfo 1 cut out two lea vw mid left a third all tho way through without marring thogeiienil plotof tholtook, This gnvu room for imstlng oxeerpts nud other literary gems, most of which inferred to myself, nml pre vented that gem nil fullness w hirh would hnvo resulted had 1 not dotio so, Whouowirn Mor referred to mo I bought somo coplos, nnd, having sent ono to my dear ono, I rnivfully cut out tho oxecrpt from nn other copy nnd panted It, by menus of somo loud nnd cxtrouioly olTouslvu paste, on tho ngc. Thus 1 lllletl nt last n whole voltimo of tho ri'iHii ts of tho commissioner of educa tion with paragraphs In which it was stated with mora or less tyogrnphlcul liinceiirncy that I was "hi town nud quartered nt Riley's liotol," or that I was "on our streets," or that 1 "shook hands with friends hero yesterday," or that I was "attending tlio quarterly con ference in town," ninl many other state ments which would bo Invalunhlo us icfer enecs In futiiro years. 1 nlso hnd n much lnrgcr book In which I kept tho ndverso crit icisms of tho press, paragrnphs lu which I wns nlluded to (is "tho intollcctunl wnrt on tho editorial pngo of Tho Sassafras Commonwealth," nnd "tho Ilea bitten fugltlvo from justlco who edits tho porous plastor ncross tlio street." Whenever my feelings wcro wounded I put tho Itom In tho lnrgo book nnd kept It whero my children could boo It when I shouldrcst from my lnltors forever. 1 thought It would teaeh them humility and really do them good. Tlio other book I used to keep on tho center tablo for tho uso of visitors. If I had n visitor who had tho habit of putting lu n day or two nt n tlmo conversing with mo nbouthlnikolf I generally nsked him toglnuco over this scrap book, nnd whllo ho wns doing bo 1 would slip out nud tnko n train for somo other point. It is u good plan. Just keep nn egotistical ecrnp book, using tho sourest nasU you can procure, nnd whon Lniiinii Insists on giving you largo bales nnd mowsful of Information about hlmsolf whon you would rather convcrso about votirself, hand him this liook to entertain himself with cud thou you can gently oozo out UiobIiIo door nnd go to tho remotest parts of tho onrth. Finally I heard of n now patent scrap book with ready gummed pages, nnd l bought ono. Tho prleo was big enough for iv set of Dickens, but I had heard that it wai a good thing, nnd bo I got It. Then a period of hu midity emtio nlong nud that book closed for ever. It wouldn't open nuy more than u mnrblo slnb. 1 waited till autumn and then got another ono. My wlfn lllletl it full of nutumu leaves. Thoy wcro not fully dry. Sho thon put a heavy weight on tho top. Wo still havo tlio Bcrap book nnd tho leaves, but tho book opens with a tlmo lock, nnd tho tlmo sot for it to open is n profound secret between Gabriel nud his wife. Lately I havo ndopted tho plan of purchas ing Boveral thousand matilln envelopes, put ting each uowspapcr clipping into ono of thoso envelops, and then writing tho tltlo on tlio outside, I thou hlro u houso nnd, by us ing tho gummed flaps of tho en voloiws, fasten them lu rows tastefully on tho Inner walls of tho house, marking n general heading over each row by menus of red chalk. This gives tbo room n cheery nppenmnco, adds to tho acoustics of tho houso nnd is certainly very convenient Dy menus of u step ladder I nm cnnbled to select anything I deslro rendlly, nnd tho spneo usually fooled away and cov ered by oxjkmsIvo but noii-romunoratlvo pic tures is luado highly useful. Sometimes I hnvo to hlro nn nmanuonslsto do this work, nnd it is not dono tho soma way I would do It myself. Last year I went nwny for u few months to glvosome readings in nld of n fowpoor children for whom I feel myself responsible, nnd, whllo absent, I had n young man named Pulaski Murkloy nttoud to this. Ho wns very methodical nud wroto n good hnnd, ns 1 afterwards learned by comparing somo of my own signatures at tho bank with somo btudles w hich ho hnd mado of tho same subject. Thoy wcro bottor, If anything, than iny own, I must admit, nud tho cashier nt tho bank agreed with mo about it, Dut ho wns very methodical, Indeed, nnd kept my bcrnp book carefully, according to his own Ideas, llo camo from a summer re sort cnlled Clilsol-'oin-out-of-thclr-oyo-teeth-hurst-by-tho-sen. Ills father resided nt Up- slx'lllghts.of-btuirs-au-tuo-lludsoti, nnd usu idly spent his summers nt About-two-mlles-bohhiil-Ilunllck's-lath-lumbcr-and-shlnglo-mill - cash - paid - for- hides - undcrtnklng-cm-balralng-and-lco-crcam-by-tho-sen. Peoplo who camo from tbcro nlwnys think thoy know nil about everything, nnd so I allowed him to run my scrap book. Last fall I had occasion to look for nn aril cloon tho English colliery. For a week or two I could not find it and probably would never havo run neross it it I hndu't happened to look ono day under tho heading of epi demics. How fow people, oven if woll paid, can do n thing Just exactly ta wo would do it our-selves.-Dlll Nyo In Now York World. Will Try It later. A sclentlflo journal tells "how to light a lamp with a snowball." Wo would llko to try tho cxpcrlniout, but somehow snowballs ai ecarco nt Pittsburg uow. PitUburg Chron-Icle-Telegrnpli. It Hnd the Strength. Dipt. Saltaorsa (to laudladj) Mrs. Hashed tcr, canjou toll luo whero Icau pure-ham largo quantity of this buttorl Mr. Unshutter (gushlugly) Now, my dear captain! What cau you want of a quantity of tbst czcrllent butter! Copt. S. 1 Intended arming myttinrlnci with it iu pl.'.co of cutlasi,nstny oxrwicne with It hero convinces mo it u gi xa thing to repel boanltTJ. Judge, LIGHTNING WAS NOWHERE. Horr nn Imr.lnror Hot Abend of n Tlir.n ilerliolt. "Whnt wns tho fastest tlmo you over madoP nskeil Tho Talker of Johnnlo Uyers, ono of tho best known engineers lu tho west ern country. "Well," ho returned, "I reckon a run of forty inllos I mado on tlio North I'lntto end of tho division wns tho slickest. You seo, I wns scut out from Omaha with light englno to pull lu n specinl director's car from North I'lntte, nud whon I got within nbout fifty miles of tho latter station I wns given nu oiilcr to i mi regardless of everything other trains wcro sldo tracked for me. "I hadn't left tho station moro'n flvo min utes before a henvy thunderstorm camo up thoy do it nwlul quick out thero nnd mn nnd my llrcmnn enjoyed the finest display of llruworka j on ever see. "All of n Midden Tom yells to mat " 'Holy Mosesl 'I ho lightning's struck tho track I Pull out, Johnnie, or we're dono fprl' "1 looked back, and snru enough there rnmonhtreak of lightning nlong tho right tail headed for us. It was a kinder whitish bluo sort of thing, nud wns humping nlong llko it hnd n tlmo order. "1 know thnt If it struck tho mnchiiin wo was all gotio to tho sweet hereafter, nud I pulled her wldo open. "Well, tho old maclilnn scouicd lo know tomctlilng was up, and sho avo a Jump liko a scared antelope and olf ahead of tliat light ning streak. At llrst tlio streak coined to bo gaining on us, but after tho cngluo got good and started, my, you ought to bco thodls tnnco play out Mwccn us. Hut tho light ning didn't seem to bo discouraged. It just spit on Its hands and clawed along nfter us llko n promissory no to after nu insolvent debtor. "Well, I seen something must bo done, but couldn't mnko out how to do it. It was plain that if this thlug kept up much longer tho water nnd coal would glvo out, not to ilcak of red lot journals. I Bays to Tom: "'Ileavo away, now, with tho coal nnd wo'll fool him,' and, although ho'd been heav ing awny slnco tho start of tho race, that seemed to help, for I could seo tho lightning wns lngglug. Then I turned tho maehlno over to him nnd crawled back on tho tnnk. I had an Idea. Thero was a siding n fow miles ahead, and if wo could mako It well, you'll seo. Thero was n broken drawbar on tho tank, nnd when 1 reckoned we'd got nbout tho right dlstnueo I dropped it. I could seo it rolling nlong for qulto a distance, then I got back to tho ougino nnd slacked up. "All of n sudden I heard tho most outland ish rackot you ever heard of behind us. Then tho air was full of splinters, ana when I rolled back, suro enough tho drawbar had fallen in tho switch I'd calculated on hitting, nnd hnd mado Mich n connection with tho main track that tho lightning had been switched off mid had run down on tho siding nnd Into two c u-3 of powder standing there. I'm sorry I can't glvo you tho exact tlmo of thnt ran, but under tho circumstances you couldn't oxpect n man to hold n watch, now could you!" Omaha Herald. Not for Intrusive Hyrs. "As you can only bo n, sister to me," ho said, in broken tones, "will you let mo kiss you good night!" Sho shyly said sho would. Then ho folded her in his strong arms and gontly placing her head against his manly breast, ho kissed her passionately. "Mr. Samiwon," sho said softly, "this is nil so now to me, so eo different from what I thought it to be, that if you will glvo mo a llttlo tlmo to to think it over, I I may" Dut let us withdraw from tbo sacred scene. Now York Sun. Homcthliif; Serious. Guest Lightning struck our hotel this morning. Frlcud Nothing 6crlous, I hopo! Guest Yes, qulto bo. Friend Indeed, how was it! Guc3t Routed mo out nu hour earlier than usual for breakfast. Chicago Trlbuuo Tbo Inventor of Volnpuk. "Volapuk, they say, Is a sort of u jurablo of all other languages." "So 1 bellovo." "Who invented It, I wonderl" "A restaurant waiter, probably." Lincoln Journal. Careful of tho Iloolr. Young Author (making a call) I seo you havo my uow book on tho table, Miss Ham mendyl Miss Ilamincrsly Oh, yes, Mr. Preface, and wo havo found it so interesting. Young Author (taking tho book) I iiotlco somo of tho lcavci uro not cut Miss Hammcrbly Er no, Mr. Prcfaco; wo nro careful to keep it fresh ns long as pos sible. Now York Suiu Popularity Variable. Citizen That Johnny Wnrd is thodaudy of 'cm all Ho outranks every player in tho League. Another Citizen I heard you bay yester day that ho was not worth tho powder to blow blm up; Citizen Yes; but you should havo seen tho stop ho mado today. Tho Ejioch. Not to Ho Expected. A child has bcou sent to congratulate his grandmother ou her birthday, "Graod- mammal" ho osclalnu, "may you Hvo until tho end of yourdaysl' "Alasl" replies tlio old woman resignedly, "ut my ngo, I cau ccarcely expect to llvo ns loug as that." EtaU Unls. Not for Heading. "You havo plenty of rending there," said a visitor to tho literary oditor, pointing to n pilo of books on tho editorial desk. "They nro not for reading," answered tho literary editor, "thoy uro for roviowlng." Dostou Courier. Didn't Enjoy tho Trip. "How did you enjoy your trip abroad!" was nsked of a Now Yorker. "Doastly stupid time. 1 didn't seo n single baseball game whllo I was cone." Judge. Pelf Dcfenslvo Advice. McPheot Uav yez a match, Dlnnlsf Corrlgan 01 hovl McPhoct Wull, thlti, light both Inds o' (hot clgyar so' It won't lasht eo long I Judga Hot Weather. Bid Jones, of tbo JoITery Printing com pany, wns yesterday entertaining a friend who has Just returned from n summer spent In Arizona. His friend told him thnt it had been very warm out thero and thnt ho had buffered intensoly from tho heat. At this Bid marveled greatly, saying Hint ho had always understood thnt tliosunumrs In Arizona wcro delightfully cool, nud thnt n pair of blankets wcro u necessity nt night, "No, you'ro wrong, Sid," said his friend. "It unlawful. Why, just to glvo you nu Idea of bow hot it wns, wo had to feed our chickens cracked Ico to prevent their laying boiled eggs." And SId laid down his hand and quietly passed out of tho t;nnie. Chicago Herald. Curiosity. "r&. HOW tT WA3 l'UNISHED. -Life. THE ARIZONA KICKER. Original Kicks Culled by Tlio Detroit 1'rco Press. Wo tnko tho following from tho last issuo of Tho Arizonn Kickers A New Depautuuk. Next week wo Bhall begin tbo publication of nn agricultural do pnrtmciit lu Tho Kicker, thus making a year's subscription ten times ns valuable as at present, without lucrensliiR tho costtosub scrlbors. Wo hnvo mndo arrangements with u tenderfoot who struck tho town without n cent to tako churga of tho now department. Ho Is a Bnllor by trade, nnd wo now havo him out iu tho country learning tho dilTer enco between a coyoto nnd a Hubbard squash. Ho may mako n fow blunders on tho go off, as ho Btlcks to It tflnt potatoes ought to grow on trees, nnd thnt whent grows wrong end, too, but ho is n hummer nnd will get there by nud by. Remember, this dopnrtmont does not increaso tho subscription prlcont all. Wo nro simply trying to publish a pa ucr worth 100 or year for $2. " Come Again. If thero Isn moro courte ous gentleman In nil tho great west than Col. DiibllT wo should llko his nddress. Wo re ferred to tho colonel tho other dny nsnn un hung thief. It was only our way, but ho took exceptions nud cnlled at tho oflleo on Tuesday nnd knocked us down. Tho blow was delivered iu tho most genteel manner, and was not accompanied with nny verbal utterances to shock our sensibilities. Neither did tho colonel gougo our eyes or chow our cars nfter wo wcro down. Ho was cool, calm nnd composed, and wo freely admit that wo got up with nu increase of CO per cent. In respect for him. Our uoso wns skinned, nud wo knocked an auction bill Into "pi" as wo fell, but wo havo no grudgo to satisfy. Tho colonel could do no less, nud wo nro thankful ho did no moro. Wo shall bo pleased to sea him again. Thanks. Our thanks nro duo Mrs. Gen. Shirt for n peck of beautiful onions, sent iu n day or two ngo. Also, to Mrs. Judgo Hen dricks for six toothsomo bnndwlchci nnd n dozen pickles. Also, to Mnj. Hayes for two jxiuuds of butter and a sllco of ham. It is gonerally known that wo board ourselves, ami our friends vlo with each other luloadlug our tablo with delicacies. Wo pity tho mna without frlonds. P. 8. Subscribers will pleaso excuso tho looks of Tho Kicker this week. Tho two pounds of butter mentioned nbovo got mixed with our ink by accident, causing tho latter to run too freely. Wo havo added somn pul verized clay to tho lot, and oxpect tho Ink to stiffen up before our next Issuo. A Nleo Cousinly Priscnt. Young Lady (to cigar dealer) Havo you tho "Fragrant" brand of cigars, sir! Dealer Yes. mis3. Young Lady How much nro they a Los! Dealer Ouo dollar nnd a half a box, miss; 100 lu n box. Young Lady You may glvo mo a box, pleaso. Thoy nro n present for my my cousin; Pvo often heard him say how fond ho is of a fragrant Havana. Now York Sun. A rcrmancnt Discovery. "And so," said ho blttorly, when ho real ized that tho had rejected htm, "and so you hnvo been flirting heartlessly with mu all tho while. Well, thunk heaven, I havo found you out nt last." "Yes," sho replied, "you have; nnd what is more, I think you will always Hnd mo out hereafter when you call." Somervillo Jour nal. Dhappolntmuut. Mrs. Dascom Did you seo tho mummy In tho museum, Ebcnczcr! Mr. Ilnscom Yn'ns, but I was kinder dls nppointeil. Mrs, Dascom Why so! Mr. Ilascom Why, tho durncd thing wns dead. Exchange. A Common Dlsensc. A correspondent wishes to know If "writer's cramp" is n common complaint among thoso who corn their living by their pen. It is, to n certain cxtont; tlio cramps being usually folt In tho region of tho writer's pockctbook. Pittsburg Bulletin. Iluvciigo Is Sweet. "I'll get oven with you somo day," bald Dumley in a threatening tono of voice, "aud don't you forget It." "All right, Dumloy," was tho good naturod reply, "I will writo n receipt any tlmo you liko.'' Harper's Dazar. Causo. Ethel (shuddering) How tho trees moan and sigh to-night I Uobby (speaks whereof ho knows) Well, I guess you'tl moan nnd sigh if you wcro ns full of green npplcs as thoy bo. Dlngbam ton Republican. Snmo Thing Hotli Ways. Teacher (rhetoric class) Miss Purplcbloom, you may express tho thought, "Necessity is tho mother of Invention," in different words. Miss Purplobloom Invention is tho daugh ter of necessity. Life, Only Small Dowi Allowed, DIckford Tlioy say that Smith Is going to try tho mind cure, Rogers Ho'll huvo to tako tho medlclno In homeopathic doses Onco a Week-. A Itlnglntr Answer. notel Clerk (angrily) Why didn't you an swer when I first inng for youf Hell lloy (u ith 11 grin) Pleaso, sir, I slipped tip on the bell pial. Hotel Mali With th Ohllls Como Ills Hills. H'Slt uumtner, '"Vtur plummer. Now York Ereulng Sun. $0' Dray ago andMoviai 3) OLIVER MAGOARI) Desires to Inform lu public tint Ills equip inent for liming Household UoDJi,l'laiun Safes, MnrchnmlUc, He.avy Machinery, etc., Is the best in the city. Special men and wagons nrj kest for tlis removal of Pianos and Household Goods, Which nrc always handled by compctant and experienced help, nnd the Litest appli ances used for handling Safes nud other heavy gooiU. Call, nddress or telephone OLIVER MAGGARD Telephone til 917 () st. Fremont Elkliorn & Mo, Valley jEblil:ebo.w) Trains lejvo I0:lJa in. and liMOp.m Tur. Klkiiorn Vai.i.kv Line. To free homes In Northueslern Nebraska nn Southwestern Dakota. To tho lllaek Hilts nnd the Hot Spring. To LVntrnl Wyoming -oal nnd on Holds an cattle ranges. To Chliwijo and tho YmL To St. raid, the North and Northwest. For further Information Inquire of fli:0. N. FOltnsMAN, Agent, n South 10th street, Lincoln W, F. FlTCII, J. 35. IlfCHANAN, General M'gur. flen'l Pass. Ag't Missouri Vnller. Iowa. Capital national iiank . .. tiMML Stock $300,000. 0.W Moshrr, rrel.louu W. J" Walsli.V-Pr H.aOutelt,CUler. S. I-J. BURNHAM, BROKER Honor loaned on long or short tlmo at lowed ttes. Ofllce In ItlchnruV Clock, room X. T&he elevator oa Eleventh street entrenom. N. R. HOOK, M. D., DISEASES OF WOStKN. drinary and Recta Diseases a Specialty. Treats rectal dlxcnsos by IlItlNIvKllHOFK PA1NI.KSS 8YSTKM. Onlee, rooms HI, island 121 llurr Illoek. Twelfth and O sircetH. Onlce telephone 513. KcsluVnco 1021 Q street. 'Phone, MI 1 miico noiirs, u 10 iv a.m. -' 10 0 una mi 11 I to 0 p m bumlays, 10 to 11 11. m 0.A.SH0EMAKER.M.D. HoniGBopatriist Physician, Telephone No 6S5. 16 South 1 tth Street, Lincoi.m Neii PEERLESS Steam Laundry 1117 P Street. Still In tho front and absolutely leading all vtnpctltorH. Thoroughly equipped for tin next work, giving to each customer nn tin jualifled guarantee for all work dono. All of uurw oik done with neatness nud dispatch. We solicit onlei-3 for suburban Wages and neighboring towns, payinj; the cxpicb 011 ail tfdvis one wny. Resiectfully, C. J. PRATT. 1- C0IJS h c&mdMt v&f AID INSTITUTE Of rt.MUNSIIir, fchortlianci ninl Typ ritlng. Ilt nml larcost coIIoro In tho west. Btiul. ntn prepared for limine in from S toll month. Individual Inilruotlon. Fuilnnuox perU-ncnl faculty. Feiirl for ctillcrfo Journal and rpcclmens of onmni.lilp to ULUIiniUaK & ROOSE. Lincoln, Neb. BLOOD POISON. Oil! 1i.!l! tAnfV- nnl.ln 1 tho rpilutivscncu ot liloixt I ixjironi (vno rati swallow I It. cudihig out of olil lepth At PWrV lllrtll ntil li.. heaUhyJ TIicbo teeth aro uvuu, uiivtau-u, nun nnuy treiiucntly rau-o a swullol fftrn. Klinlllil rnrfnl lu. citractcil ami rcila-eiflh good, artlllcUl teeth tint nevcrnchc. C'anbeettrart ed without pala. No hum. bag. ABItASION OF THE TEETH. The abovu cut shows tho teeth of n man 45 rears of ago, from Dr. llcll In 1B3I. Wo meet with this affection In the teeth lu arlous forms and de (trees. The ends ot the crowns teem vwj oft, having a low degree of vitality ami wear down allowing ndark yellowish cupped ipotjn tho center. Many aro bo faollih as to i" 'hat molar teeth aro of llttlo account, , ret them so bv default; after which all the force ot tho muscles are extended to tho front tceti, wearing them down rapidly. The best, and orly remedy. Is to cover and buildup the ends with cold and platinum, wh'ch near like steel and laves them many rears. Wo make a specialty of fine Rold work en building hem up, contour tilling!, etc. a. n Q&Qe mmi fPt.L1 43Sr' Cuts A and D aro from John Tomes, of Eng land. A Two Incisors with notches In the ends. I) shows tho peg shaped teelh with yellowish pita lu the ends. For such teeth wo havo two remedies! First To fill Hut pits hi the mils with gold. Sec ondExtract them and replace them with artificial teeth. Hut tho bones absorb awav rapidly to that they will need rcscttlujr fro' quentlr. We mako tho Bnest artl3clal teeth lu the northwest. We use Jostles' and White's patent teeth with long, heavy pins, mounted on strong elastic plates. Thoso who patronize us wlfi not bo troubled with broken teeth aud cracked plates, canker tore mouths, etc. To loose the front teeth, Is to loose half tho porer of ipetch, and more than half Ua beauts'. DR. A. P. BURRUS, 1208 0 Stiikkt- !1 (1 ; -i IrtralWittVi r iiiiiMfiftffii Tur - - -. ...a. ytjM2 j,- aikmtiti