Lack of IlUlMt,
A Yankee with some gift for brag’*
rine a* well as for getting out of a cor
ner was talking to an Englishman.
..\Ve can lick yon right smart,” he said.
.-We've alius done it, and can do it
jeain. At Lexington, Conoord, Sara
toia, Hunker Hill an lots of those places
we jest gave you flta”
■•Ves," said the Englishman, “I do
remdmber those places, but then there
was the battle of White Plains We
rather beat yon there,”
■ Well, you did,” admitted the Yan
kee. “I forgotalLabont that, *1 shouldn't
bare thought of it if you hadn’t V
spoke of it But then, you see, at that
battle the Americans somehow didn’t
seem to take any interest in the fight.”
—Exchange.
The best remedy for rheumatism that has
Tet been discovered, Mr. D. H. Tyler, 150
W. Main St., Galesburg, Bis., writes: “I
bare used a good many bottles of Salvation
Oil. and think it the best remedy for rheu
matism I ever used."_
She, at the ticket office—When does
the train for Baltimore leave? Ticket
Agent—In fifteen minutes. She—
When does it get to Baltimore? Ticket
Agent—To-morrow night She—Can
1 get a sleeper? Ticket Agent—Yes.
ma'am. She — Dining car? Ticket
Agent—Yes, ma’am. She—What is
the cost of a sleeper? Ticket Agent—
t2. She—Well, where’s the station
where trains leave for Milwaukee? I’m
thinking of going there.
A perfect cure: Mr. Edward E. Brongh
ton. 140 W. 19th St., New York City, N. Y.,
ssvs this: ‘‘I have used several bottles of
Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup in my family and
find it a perfect cure. I cheerfully recom
mend it.” ___
Mexico is the home of a spider so
small that its legs are invisible to the
naked eye.
At a recent sale in London a first
edition of “The Vicar of Wakefield”
sold for 527.
Rattlesnakes are guided over their
routes by smaller serpents called
pilot snakes.
Bow'* Thtet
We offer One Hundred Dollars reward fot
any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured bj
Hall’s Catarrh Cure.
F. J. CHENEY A CO., Toledo, O.
We, the undersigned, have known F. J.
Cheney for the last IS years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac
tions and financially able to carry out any oh
ligations made by their firm.
West A Truax. Wholesale Druggists,
Toledo, 0.; Wilding, Kinnan A MAnvil,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O.
Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, aot
log directly upon the blood and mucous sui*
faces of the system. Testimonials sent free.
Frice 75c. per bottle. 8old by all Druggists.
The alleged bullet-proof cloth in
vented by a German tailor, which was
much talked of some time ago, has
been rejected by the German military
authorities. It is three times as
heavy as ordinary cloth; is difficult to
manufacture into tunics; is clumsy
when made up, and finally not bullet
proof at all, as it is easily pierced by
the projectile of the Lebel rifle.
Ask about the wonderful climate and
resources of Southern California. There
never was such and opportunity for
home seekers. For information regard
ing this section, address, J. A. Allison,
Brewster block, San Diego, California.
Lowell, Mass.,is the city of SipDd
les, from its leading industry.
Louisville is the Falls city, from its
position at the falls of the Ohio.
Chicago is the Prairie city, from the
flatness of the land surrounding it.
Cleveland is the Forest city, from
the abundance of forest trees on itf
streets.
Colorado Gold Mines.
If you are looking for investments you
should investigate the new gold fields in Cob
orado. The output of 834 will more than
double that of 1893. New discoveries are
be u; made daily. Nothing like it since the
early days of LeadviUe. The “Gold Miner”
tells all about it. A 16-page monthly pub
lished in Denver. 50c a year. Send 5 cents
in stamps for sample copy. Address “Gold
Miner,” 1834 Lawrence 8t., Colo.
One of the seddast condition in life, Is to
have nothing good to live for.
To a mule's ears a mule's voice is a’wayi
music.
A had man can never own anything that
is fireproof.
All cannot be rich, bnt all may become
well off by being contented.
KNOWLEDGE
Brings comfort and improvement and
tends to personal enjoyment when
rightly used. The many, who live bet
ter than others and enjoy life more, with
h® expenditure, by more promptly
Adapting the world’s best products to
the needs of physical being, will attest
the value to nealthof the pure liquid
laxative principles embraced in the
remedy, Syrup of Figs.
. It* excellence is due to its presenting
u the form most acceptable and pleaa
snt to the teste, the refreshing and truly f
beneficial' properties of a perfect lax
ative ; effectually cleansing the system,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
•xl permanently curing constipation.
It has given satisfaction to millions and
•net with the approval of the medical
profession, because it acts on the Kid
ney*, Liver and Bowels without weak
ening them and it is perfectly free from
every objectionable substance.
Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug
gist* in 50c antTSl bottles, but it is man
ufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, whose name is printed on every
package, also the name. Syrup of Fig*,
■nd being well informed, you will, not
accept any substitute if offered. j
REPUBLICAN MATTERS.
A GENERAL PARALYSIS,
QuIiien I. Jon stagnant In the
West as in the Kant.
The industrial paralysis is bv no
rneansconfined to the Eastern manu
facturing centers, as some of the
western free trade papers would
i make their readers believe. It is a
condition that is general throughout
the country. 'Hie wool and iron in
tiustries are commonly cited in
arguments made to show the dis
l “strous effects of the promised
Uemocratic legislation because they
belong to the more highly protected
'•lass, and because the number of
wage earners affected is greater than
in others.
*77,000,000 that was paid out
m wages in the wool industry in one
year under the protection of the Mc
Kinley law means a great deal to the
whole country, even though the
mills are mostly located in the At
lantic states, but scattered all over
the West are manufactories which
feel the effects of the free trade
threat just as sensibly.
An order went from a Kansas City
house to an Ohio pump factory re
cently for a few pumps. Eighteen
months ago an order could have been
sent by wire and within twenty-four
hours a carload would have been on
its way here. It is not so now. To
the order teferred to. reply was sent
that the pumps would have to be
manufactured before shipment could
be made. This means that in the
present condition of trade the manu
facturers are compelled to proceed
on safe ground and that they are not
manufacturing ahead of orders.
A reputable Kansas Cityan jas just
returned from a business trip that
took him through the manufacturing
sections of Indiana and Ohio, where
gas is used for fuel and the cost of
power is reduced to the minimum.
He informs the Kansas City Journal
that stagnation exists everywhere
and that the people are almost dumb
with dismay.
Doos anybody think it possib.e
that the people are in doubt as to
the cause of all this?
Will anybody not blinded by polit
ical prejudice say that relief can be
had by opening our doors to the
competition of foreign manufacturers?
It is a great, big, unquestionable
fact that the industries of America,
from Maine to California, are par
alyzed, and that the condition is due
to the un-American policies of the
Democratic party.
Hawaiian Reveries.
A member of the Michigan club
composed a song which was sung at
the club’s recent annual banquet.
Here is the song which was sung to
the tune of “The Bowery:”
Grover, the Paramount sat in state.
Scratching the scalp or his big bald pate,
Looking as wise as an owl on a stump,
Or a Nubian camel all ready to hump;
Liliuokalani, the damsel of soot,
Captured him solid from head to foot;
Back on her throne this old gal I will put,
In Honolulu—lu—la
Chorus:
Kalani, Kalani,
O, Liliuokalani, Is thick‘and she’s brawny;
I Kalani, Kalani
She’ll never be queen any more.
Gresham, the mugwump and ingrate too,
Tries to be funny with Honolulu
Ev’ry move he endeavors to make
Is simply a -tab and a guy and a fake:
He. with Grover, is stuck on Lil.
Just bet your boots they will both get their
fill:
Their booby policy don’t fiill the bill
For Honolulu—lu—lu
Chorus:
Grover, for Grover,
'Twill soon be all over for Paramount Grover;
I For Grover, for Grover,
Both here and in Hono—lu—la
President Dole is quite up to the scratch.
For Blount he is certainly more than a match;
Even witn Grover and Gresham thrown in,
Discounts the three in American vim.
Thurston is keen and he knows what he’s at.
He can't be caught talking wind through his
hat;
Built just ri rbt for a diplomat
From Honoluin—lu—lu.
Chorus:
Stevens, our minister, true as the sky,
Viewed the American banner on hieh.
Emblem so fair with its stripes and stars
Guarded in honor by Uncle Sum’s tars.
Stevens is here as our **uest to ni-ht.
We ll shout his praises with all our might:
Stevens asserted humanity’s right
In Honolulu—lu—la
I Chorus:
In Trouble.
Private John Allen, of Mississippi,
is in a sad state. He feels himself
absolutely afloat in darkness, with
out a single star to guide him. He
tells the Washington Post that he
came to congress with absolute reli
I ance on three things as Democratic:
1. That the Democratic party was
surely for free coinage of silver.
% That the Anglo-Saxon white
man was the born ruler of all colors.
That Thomas Brackett Reed was
an irrepressible tyrant without one
redeeming trait
“Last October the Democratic
party, house, senate and president,
set up the gold standard and stopped
the coinage of silver," he said. “This
bothered me. but I held on to the
other twa Recently we voted to put
a colored woman over American
white men in Hawaii That kept me
awake all that night; but I said. *1
can cling to that principle about
Reed. He certainly was a tyrant
without a redeeming trait ’ You can
imagine my state of mind when the
speaker said that Reed, in the mid
dle of an ugly fight actually decided
wrong out of a desire to give km
eaemies the best possible chance and
out of .'kindness -of heart r I am a
Democrat yet but I am just this
minute out of reasons why.
Farmers and the Tariff.
Yes, the farmers were voting on
the tariff question when they voted
for Galusha Grow. It wasn't a
••legal holiday,” but they took a
day off just the same. They rode
or drove or walked through storm
and cold and snowbanks, converging
on the ballot boxes in numbers un
precedented, and there expressed
their condemnation of the party
which is taking their home market
from them. The; . voted aa though
thnr had the agricultural schedules j
of the Wilson bill in one band as j
they deposited their ballots with
the others.
SPEECH FROM THE THRONE.
In the Style or Orest Britain and In the
Spirit of Cleveland.
My relations with foreign powers
are not quite satisfactory, especially
in Hawaii. My spirit of fairness and
love of justice are expected to re
lieve all embarrassments later on.
A. special message will acquaint
my faithful lords and gentlemen i
when the legitimate monarch of Haw
aii is restorod to her throne.
My exchequer shows a deficit of
$28,000,030. My policy of free
trade will create a further deficit,
which will be met with becoming
submission to the will of Providence
by my loyal people. My working
men may expect low wages, but I
confidently trust that though low
they will be steady.
I am satisfied with the work of
parliament in finance, and command
that no further steps be taken at
present except to authorize the issu
ance of bonds in my direction.
My navy is doing well, but the de
ficit in the exchequer forbids further
improvement until I have gathered a
surplus by my income tax.
My congress will at once proceed
to pass my free trade and tariff bills,
which my chairman of committee has
personally prepared. I prefer that
no tim6 be lost in referring these im
portant matters to tbe full com
mittee. Mr. Wilson, my Black Kod,
knows my will.
I find that my seed department is
wasting valuable seeds on agricul
turists in the North. This will be
remedied by my command.
1 will communicate further with
my lords and gentlemen whenever I
think best for the interests of my
country. My parliament will await
my commands.
I am the state.
GROVER L
A National Bom.
We now have a national boss.
Any further pretense by him of a
lofty virtue and of contempt for
political trading woula be as absurd
as was Sir John Falstafit’s claim to
valor after he had made dents in his
own sword and shown to Prince Hal
as proofs of his fearful combat with
the ten men in buckram. He has
shown all the qualities necessary in
a first class political boss. His sign
is cut: “Offices Traded for Influence
With Congress.” If any man can
control a vote m that body let him
approach the president with what
John Van Buren called “the firm and
intrepid march of a jackass toward a
peck ot oats.”—Cincinnati Enquirer,
Democrat.
Ch«ap Voten.
The New Yonc legislature has been
petitioned to enact such laws as will
break up the white slavery as it ex
ists in the metropolis known as the
padrone system. Under this system
imported Italians are made to work
for the importers for seventy-five
cents a day, while the importer re
ceives from the city $1.50, he him
self pocketing the extra seventy-five
cents, and at the same time making
the slaves vote the Democratic
ticket
Right Kind of Free Trade.
The kind of free trade which the
United States wants is free trade
with Mexico and Canada. Between
us and those countries the custom
houses should be removed altogether,
but against the rest of the world the
barriers should be kept up. When
the Republicans get into power
again a movement for commercial
union between us and our neighbor
to the southwest and our other
neighbor to the north must be
started.
i neetcy t laimants.
The Chicago Herald says that.
Lincoln was the greatest Democrat
of the last century. These Demo
l cratic papers are modest. Having
j had no leaders in the last part of the
| century worth bragging about, they
i propose to steal the good names
< which have made the Republican
! party illustrious. They will put Mc
I Kinley and Tom Reed on their roll of
fame after awhile.
i _
Look on This, Then on That.
During the Harrison administra
tion the deposits in the savings
banks of New York increased every
year, and in the year ending Janu
ary 1. 1893, the increase was $40.
932,853. On January 1, 1894, the
Cleveland administration had been
in power nine months, and during
the year then ending the deposits
had decreased $12,268,824.
Sixlng Cp HIU.
Hill of New York is a beastly sort
of fellow; smart, but ugly, vulgar,
coarse, vindictive. We don’t much
care how roughly he has brow-beaten
and bully-ragged Cleveland, for it
needed that sort of deal to knock the
coneeit out of the president. But
Hill is likely to offend the country
more and more as he is indulged by
his party. —St Louis Star-Sayinga
Fooling With the People.
A Boss McKane friend: i tell you,
it's a danged bad thing this fooling,
| with the people.*-. They lot yon go»
along, and go along, and go along,
and you think they ain’t even look
j ing at you; then all at once they up
\ and biff you. Then your name is
Dennis.
Clothes, Seeks and Things.
Clothes make the man, the want
of them the fellow. Yet there are
exceptions. Simpson wouldn’t wear
socks; Feffer wears no collar and
went to the senate, and Tillman
wears no undershirt and got to be
governor.—Birmingham Age-Herald.
TMk About Tear Cold Weather!
“Talk about your cold weather,”
■aid a traveling man just from the
northwest; “yon ought to see it out
there once.”
Tho crowd ahlverod and pulled up
closer to the stove.
“1 had a friend up in North Dakota,"
he went on, “who sent to Ohio for a
Gordon setter last fall and expected to
have some fine hunting with him. In
January I stopped over in his town one
day and went to his house to see him.
Goihg up the lawn I noticed one of the
best specimens of terra cotta work I
ever saw. It was a dog standing near
the front door, and it was so natural I
almost spoke to him as I went inside.
After awhile I spoke to my friend about
the specimen.
“ ‘That's the finest terra cotta dog
you’ve got out there I oversaw,’ said I.
“ ’What terra cotta dog?* said he, go
ing to the window, from where I point
ed out the dog to him.
He looked at it a minute or two in
tently and started outside.
“ ‘Terracotta nothing,’ he exclaimed;
’that's my Gordon setter, frozen stiff
and hard.’”—Detroit Free Press.
A Big Place.
A Colorado ranchman was paying bis
first visit to New York, and the next
morning after his arrival his host took
him down to the liattery on the elevated
and then proposed that they walk along
back up Broadway. ,
They kept walking along, shoved and
hustled and crowded, the westener
talking when he could and his friend
watching him closely for impressiona
After about a mile of it the westerner
became tired of it, but kept plodding
along: After about an hour he took
his friend by the arm and stopped him.
“I say, Bill,” he said, trying to find
the vanishing point of the street's per
spective, with a weary look, “1 say, is
it town all the way to the Rocky moun
tains?”—Detroit Free Press.
Tbe Land of Promt**
Is the mighty West, the land that "tickled
with a hoe laughs a harvest;” the El Dorado
of the miner; the goal of the agricultural
emigrant. While It teems with all the ele
ments of wealth and prosperity, some of the
fairest and most fruitful portions of It bear
a harvest of malaria reaped In Its fullness
by those unprotected hy a medicinal safe
guard. No one seeking or dwelling in a
malarial locality Is sate from the scourge
without Hostetler's Stomach bitters. Emi
grants, bear this In mind. Commercial
travelers sojourning in malarious regions
should carry a bottle of the bitters In the
traditional gripsack. Against the effects of
exposure, mental or bodily overwork, damp
and unwholesome food or water. It Is an In
fallible defense. Constipation, rheumatism,
biliousness, dyspepsia, nervousness and loss
of strength are all remedied by this genial
restorative.
bason Friends.
Fair Customer—As I wish to present
a friend of mine with a bottle of your
tincture on her birthday, I should like
to know if it it is really to be de
pended on for the removal of summer
freckles?
Druggist—To tell you the honest
truth, no, ma'am.
Fair Customer—Very Good. Then I
will take a bottle.—Xoticiero Uni
versal.
Facts Worth Knowing.
In all diseases of the nasal mucuons mem
brane tbe remedy used must be non-irri
tating. Nothing satisfactory can be ac
complished with douches, snuffs or powders,
because they are all irritating, do not reach
tbe affected surfaces and should be aban
doned as failures. A multitude of persons
who bad for years borne all the worry and
pain that catarrh can inflict testify to rad
ical and permanent cures wrought by Ely's
Cream Balm.
•‘Miss Higginspike seems to be
singularly unimpressionable.” “Un
impressionable? She’s adamant That
woman could sit with a barrel of
sliced onions under her nose and hear
Clara Morris play for a whole evening
and not shed a tear.”
•5,800 FUON TEN ACRES.
A. M. Lamb, a market gardener in
Pennsylvania, cleared 85,800 on five
acres of cabbage and five acres of
onions. The reason of this, he says
was because Salzer's seeds are so ex
tremely early and wondrously pro
ductive. Lightning Cabbage and King
of the Earliest Onions he had in the
market three weeks ahead of any other
home-grown sorts, and consequently
received fancy prices. Salzer sends 35
packages earliest vegetable seed, suffi
cient for a family, for 81, postpaid.
ir_You Will cot This Oat and hand It
With 6c postage to the John A. Salzer
Seed Co., La Crosse. Wis., you will re
ceive their mammoth catalogue and a
trial package of “Get There, Eli,” the
sixteen-day radish. w
It iii the one who will not forgive who is
always in the wronz.
It is hard to understand why boys love to
{day football and hate to saw wood.
The Mid-Winter Fair a Success.
To reach it take the only direct line, the
Union Pacific.
Through first and second-class sleepers,
diners. Our advertising matter tells you
all about it. E. L. Lomax,
Gen'i. Pass. & Tkt. Agt., Omaha, Neb.
There are only a few people who do not
talk too much.
Coe's Cssgh Balsam
Is the oldest and best. It will break up a Cold quick,
er tbaa aaythlns else. It Is always reliable. trylu
The lazy man believes that there is no
bill which is not steep.
Go South I la the Wabash.
Tourists' tickets now on sale to all points.
Bomeseekers’ tickets at half fare on ex
cursion dates, April 1 >th and May 8 th. For
rates or folders giving full description of
lands, climate. &o . caii at Wabash Ticket
office, No. UU2 Pam am Street, or write
Geo. S. Clattos, N. W. P. Agt.,
Omaha, Neh.
* * ' . ‘ . v.
■v . •' ipi >;'?y. < ».
TOURING hard times con
sumers cannot afford to |
experiment with inferior brands
of baking powder. It is NOW
that the great strength and purity
of the ROYAL make it indis- g
pensable to those who desire to
practise economy in the kitchen.
Each spoonful does its perfect
work. Its increasing sale bears
witness that it is a necessity
to the prudent—it goes further.
KOVAL BAKING POWDER CO., 106 WALL 6T., NEW YORK.
Very Ancient Jokes.
When Themistocles was trying: to get
money out of the Andrian* for the
Greece defense fund and told them that
the Athenian* would come with two
great gods, persuasion and necessity,
the Andrians replied that the Athen
ians were well off with two such ser
vicable (rods, but they had two gods
who always dwell in their country—
property and impossibility.
Cyrus’ bitter jest about the fishes to
the wretched lonians, who had declined
his overtures, and then after the taking
of Sardis wanted to come to terms, ha*
too much cruelty to be humorous.
“Say," said the insulting victor, “that
a piper, seeing fishes in the sea, were
too pipe to them thinking they will
come out to the land, and when he was
disappointed of his hope took a net and
inclosed a great multitude of the fishes
and drew them to land, and seeing
them flopping about said to the fishes,
‘Cease dancing to me, since you would
not come out and dance when I
played.' ”—Westminister Heview.
•<f Have been afflicted with an affection
of the To rout from childhood, caused by
diphtheria and have used various reme
dies, but have never found snvtblng equal
to Bbowk'b BuoncniAt. Tbochm.’’—ttn.
O. St. F. Hampton, Pike ton, h'y. Bold only
in boxes.
Inquirer—What are all these pages
of closely written manuscript about?
Statistician—Those are the records of
the murders committed last year. "Is
it possible? And what are those three
or four lonesome-looking lines in the
middle of that long page?” “The
records of the hangings.”
•• Hanson*. Magic Corn Halve.**
Warranted to cure or money refunded. A»k your
orujfgul fur ]t. j'ni f 13 rent*.
Every drunkard in the world was once a
moderate drinker.
California for Health, Pleasure and Profit,
If going for either, take the direct route,
the Union Pacific.
The only line running first and second
class sleepers and dining cars to Ban Fran
cisco.
Bend for our new 1894 pamphlets. All
at out the Mid-Winter Fair.
E. L. Lomax, Uen'l. Pass. & Tkt Agt.,
Omaha, Neb.
Exemplary Patience.
The train stops. Feasant Woman
(who for a long time has been show
ing signs of great anxiety, to stout
gentleman absorbed In his paper)—I
nave to get out now. Excuse me, yon
are sitting on my butter.—liuntes Al
lerlie. _
Shiloh*■ ComnpUM Can
I, mM on n rintrantr*. It rum InripOnt Cmnnh
tiun. IlhtUM bntooash Cura. Bi.'U.90ttta,S9Ua
timers xor aso locomotives and sev
eral thousand railway carriages have
been given by the Russian govern
ment to Austrian and Belgian firms,
presumably required for the Tranae
Siberian railway._
"Life is a battlefield on which we flg.it for
fame.” To preserve health in this fight,
use Beecbams Fills, 25 ceuta a I ox.
“Rheumatic rings, *1," Is the legend
on a card that lies in a tray of lead
colored rings displayed by a New
York jeweler. The belief that such 1
rings protect the wearer from rheuma
tism has a pretty strong hold upon a
part of this community. The rings, f
according to those who deal in them,
are made of seven metals.
AZiZi AZiOKTSl, -
both in the way it acts, and in the way it*s
sold, is Dr. Pierce's Uolden Uedical Discov
ery.
A long procession of diseases start from a
torpid liver and impure blood. Take it, aa
you ought, when you feel tho first symp
toms (languor, loos of appetite, dullness, de
pression). As an appetizing, restorative
/- /
Mr*. OOKDERT.
build up the needed flesh
and strength, there's noth
ing to equal it. It rouses
every organ into healthful
action, purifies and en
riches the blood, braces np
the whole system, and re
stores health and vigor.
Mrs. StrsAs Goedekt. of
It lee, Benlmi Own hi. Minn*
writes. “ I have taken three
bottles of your ‘Golden
Medical Discovery ’ and
Steel quite well ana strong
snow, so that 1 am able to
do my work without the
least fatigue.”
rierce.rv.uure.
St ST. JACOBS OIL
PAINS
And *11 tbs World Knows tbs CURB is SURA.
JKrwirwciSAiFL
Especially for Farmers, Miners, R. R. Hands and others. Double sole ex
tending down to the heel. EXTRA WEARING QUALITY.
Thousands of Rubber Boot wearers testify this is the best they ever had.
A$fc your dnwr Iff thSM and don’t be persuaded into an inferior article.
Skin.
Eruptions
and similar annoyances ate caused by* impure blood,
which will result in a more dreaded disease. Unless
removed, slight impurities will develop into serious
maladies. SCROFULA, ECZEMA, SALT RHEUM
m THE RESULT* OF
I Im for oosm IM M » Mm from a __
blood trouble, for which I took many rtimm that
did ooa no rood. I hare bow Tatra four bottles of
with the moat woodcrfal remits. Am
JOH1 8. trial if
Ooternmeat PHattag Office, Wmbsagtoc, D. CL
Tnatlm oa good sad SHa aainaoillif/twfcmt ■’ m
SWIFT SPECIFIC OO., Asunt, Oa.
Bad
Blood
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