Lack of IlUlMt, A Yankee with some gift for brag’* rine a* well as for getting out of a cor ner was talking to an Englishman. ..\Ve can lick yon right smart,” he said. .-We've alius done it, and can do it jeain. At Lexington, Conoord, Sara toia, Hunker Hill an lots of those places we jest gave you flta” ■•Ves," said the Englishman, “I do remdmber those places, but then there was the battle of White Plains We rather beat yon there,” ■ Well, you did,” admitted the Yan kee. “I forgotalLabont that, *1 shouldn't bare thought of it if you hadn’t V spoke of it But then, you see, at that battle the Americans somehow didn’t seem to take any interest in the fight.” —Exchange. The best remedy for rheumatism that has Tet been discovered, Mr. D. H. Tyler, 150 W. Main St., Galesburg, Bis., writes: “I bare used a good many bottles of Salvation Oil. and think it the best remedy for rheu matism I ever used."_ She, at the ticket office—When does the train for Baltimore leave? Ticket Agent—In fifteen minutes. She— When does it get to Baltimore? Ticket Agent—To-morrow night She—Can 1 get a sleeper? Ticket Agent—Yes. ma'am. She — Dining car? Ticket Agent—Yes, ma’am. She—What is the cost of a sleeper? Ticket Agent— t2. She—Well, where’s the station where trains leave for Milwaukee? I’m thinking of going there. A perfect cure: Mr. Edward E. Brongh ton. 140 W. 19th St., New York City, N. Y., ssvs this: ‘‘I have used several bottles of Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup in my family and find it a perfect cure. I cheerfully recom mend it.” ___ Mexico is the home of a spider so small that its legs are invisible to the naked eye. At a recent sale in London a first edition of “The Vicar of Wakefield” sold for 527. Rattlesnakes are guided over their routes by smaller serpents called pilot snakes. Bow'* Thtet We offer One Hundred Dollars reward fot any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured bj Hall’s Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO., Toledo, O. We, the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney for the last IS years, and believe him perfectly honorable in all business transac tions and financially able to carry out any oh ligations made by their firm. West A Truax. Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, 0.; Wilding, Kinnan A MAnvil, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, aot log directly upon the blood and mucous sui* faces of the system. Testimonials sent free. Frice 75c. per bottle. 8old by all Druggists. The alleged bullet-proof cloth in vented by a German tailor, which was much talked of some time ago, has been rejected by the German military authorities. It is three times as heavy as ordinary cloth; is difficult to manufacture into tunics; is clumsy when made up, and finally not bullet proof at all, as it is easily pierced by the projectile of the Lebel rifle. Ask about the wonderful climate and resources of Southern California. There never was such and opportunity for home seekers. For information regard ing this section, address, J. A. Allison, Brewster block, San Diego, California. Lowell, Mass.,is the city of SipDd les, from its leading industry. Louisville is the Falls city, from its position at the falls of the Ohio. Chicago is the Prairie city, from the flatness of the land surrounding it. Cleveland is the Forest city, from the abundance of forest trees on itf streets. Colorado Gold Mines. If you are looking for investments you should investigate the new gold fields in Cob orado. The output of 834 will more than double that of 1893. New discoveries are be u; made daily. Nothing like it since the early days of LeadviUe. The “Gold Miner” tells all about it. A 16-page monthly pub lished in Denver. 50c a year. Send 5 cents in stamps for sample copy. Address “Gold Miner,” 1834 Lawrence 8t., Colo. One of the seddast condition in life, Is to have nothing good to live for. To a mule's ears a mule's voice is a’wayi music. A had man can never own anything that is fireproof. All cannot be rich, bnt all may become well off by being contented. KNOWLEDGE Brings comfort and improvement and tends to personal enjoyment when rightly used. The many, who live bet ter than others and enjoy life more, with h® expenditure, by more promptly Adapting the world’s best products to the needs of physical being, will attest the value to nealthof the pure liquid laxative principles embraced in the remedy, Syrup of Figs. . It* excellence is due to its presenting u the form most acceptable and pleaa snt to the teste, the refreshing and truly f beneficial' properties of a perfect lax ative ; effectually cleansing the system, dispelling colds, headaches and fevers •xl permanently curing constipation. It has given satisfaction to millions and •net with the approval of the medical profession, because it acts on the Kid ney*, Liver and Bowels without weak ening them and it is perfectly free from every objectionable substance. Syrup of Figs is for sale by all drug gist* in 50c antTSl bottles, but it is man ufactured by the California Fig Syrup Co. only, whose name is printed on every package, also the name. Syrup of Fig*, ■nd being well informed, you will, not accept any substitute if offered. j REPUBLICAN MATTERS. A GENERAL PARALYSIS, QuIiien I. Jon stagnant In the West as in the Kant. The industrial paralysis is bv no rneansconfined to the Eastern manu facturing centers, as some of the western free trade papers would i make their readers believe. It is a condition that is general throughout the country. 'Hie wool and iron in tiustries are commonly cited in arguments made to show the dis l “strous effects of the promised Uemocratic legislation because they belong to the more highly protected '•lass, and because the number of wage earners affected is greater than in others. *77,000,000 that was paid out m wages in the wool industry in one year under the protection of the Mc Kinley law means a great deal to the whole country, even though the mills are mostly located in the At lantic states, but scattered all over the West are manufactories which feel the effects of the free trade threat just as sensibly. An order went from a Kansas City house to an Ohio pump factory re cently for a few pumps. Eighteen months ago an order could have been sent by wire and within twenty-four hours a carload would have been on its way here. It is not so now. To the order teferred to. reply was sent that the pumps would have to be manufactured before shipment could be made. This means that in the present condition of trade the manu facturers are compelled to proceed on safe ground and that they are not manufacturing ahead of orders. A reputable Kansas Cityan jas just returned from a business trip that took him through the manufacturing sections of Indiana and Ohio, where gas is used for fuel and the cost of power is reduced to the minimum. He informs the Kansas City Journal that stagnation exists everywhere and that the people are almost dumb with dismay. Doos anybody think it possib.e that the people are in doubt as to the cause of all this? Will anybody not blinded by polit ical prejudice say that relief can be had by opening our doors to the competition of foreign manufacturers? It is a great, big, unquestionable fact that the industries of America, from Maine to California, are par alyzed, and that the condition is due to the un-American policies of the Democratic party. Hawaiian Reveries. A member of the Michigan club composed a song which was sung at the club’s recent annual banquet. Here is the song which was sung to the tune of “The Bowery:” Grover, the Paramount sat in state. Scratching the scalp or his big bald pate, Looking as wise as an owl on a stump, Or a Nubian camel all ready to hump; Liliuokalani, the damsel of soot, Captured him solid from head to foot; Back on her throne this old gal I will put, In Honolulu—lu—la Chorus: Kalani, Kalani, O, Liliuokalani, Is thick‘and she’s brawny; I Kalani, Kalani She’ll never be queen any more. Gresham, the mugwump and ingrate too, Tries to be funny with Honolulu Ev’ry move he endeavors to make Is simply a -tab and a guy and a fake: He. with Grover, is stuck on Lil. Just bet your boots they will both get their fill: Their booby policy don’t fiill the bill For Honolulu—lu—lu Chorus: Grover, for Grover, 'Twill soon be all over for Paramount Grover; I For Grover, for Grover, Both here and in Hono—lu—la President Dole is quite up to the scratch. For Blount he is certainly more than a match; Even witn Grover and Gresham thrown in, Discounts the three in American vim. Thurston is keen and he knows what he’s at. He can't be caught talking wind through his hat; Built just ri rbt for a diplomat From Honoluin—lu—lu. Chorus: Stevens, our minister, true as the sky, Viewed the American banner on hieh. Emblem so fair with its stripes and stars Guarded in honor by Uncle Sum’s tars. Stevens is here as our **uest to ni-ht. We ll shout his praises with all our might: Stevens asserted humanity’s right In Honolulu—lu—la I Chorus: In Trouble. Private John Allen, of Mississippi, is in a sad state. He feels himself absolutely afloat in darkness, with out a single star to guide him. He tells the Washington Post that he came to congress with absolute reli I ance on three things as Democratic: 1. That the Democratic party was surely for free coinage of silver. % That the Anglo-Saxon white man was the born ruler of all colors. That Thomas Brackett Reed was an irrepressible tyrant without one redeeming trait “Last October the Democratic party, house, senate and president, set up the gold standard and stopped the coinage of silver," he said. “This bothered me. but I held on to the other twa Recently we voted to put a colored woman over American white men in Hawaii That kept me awake all that night; but I said. *1 can cling to that principle about Reed. He certainly was a tyrant without a redeeming trait ’ You can imagine my state of mind when the speaker said that Reed, in the mid dle of an ugly fight actually decided wrong out of a desire to give km eaemies the best possible chance and out of .'kindness -of heart r I am a Democrat yet but I am just this minute out of reasons why. Farmers and the Tariff. Yes, the farmers were voting on the tariff question when they voted for Galusha Grow. It wasn't a ••legal holiday,” but they took a day off just the same. They rode or drove or walked through storm and cold and snowbanks, converging on the ballot boxes in numbers un precedented, and there expressed their condemnation of the party which is taking their home market from them. The; . voted aa though thnr had the agricultural schedules j of the Wilson bill in one band as j they deposited their ballots with the others. SPEECH FROM THE THRONE. In the Style or Orest Britain and In the Spirit of Cleveland. My relations with foreign powers are not quite satisfactory, especially in Hawaii. My spirit of fairness and love of justice are expected to re lieve all embarrassments later on. A. special message will acquaint my faithful lords and gentlemen i when the legitimate monarch of Haw aii is restorod to her throne. My exchequer shows a deficit of $28,000,030. My policy of free trade will create a further deficit, which will be met with becoming submission to the will of Providence by my loyal people. My working men may expect low wages, but I confidently trust that though low they will be steady. I am satisfied with the work of parliament in finance, and command that no further steps be taken at present except to authorize the issu ance of bonds in my direction. My navy is doing well, but the de ficit in the exchequer forbids further improvement until I have gathered a surplus by my income tax. My congress will at once proceed to pass my free trade and tariff bills, which my chairman of committee has personally prepared. I prefer that no tim6 be lost in referring these im portant matters to tbe full com mittee. Mr. Wilson, my Black Kod, knows my will. I find that my seed department is wasting valuable seeds on agricul turists in the North. This will be remedied by my command. 1 will communicate further with my lords and gentlemen whenever I think best for the interests of my country. My parliament will await my commands. I am the state. GROVER L A National Bom. We now have a national boss. Any further pretense by him of a lofty virtue and of contempt for political trading woula be as absurd as was Sir John Falstafit’s claim to valor after he had made dents in his own sword and shown to Prince Hal as proofs of his fearful combat with the ten men in buckram. He has shown all the qualities necessary in a first class political boss. His sign is cut: “Offices Traded for Influence With Congress.” If any man can control a vote m that body let him approach the president with what John Van Buren called “the firm and intrepid march of a jackass toward a peck ot oats.”—Cincinnati Enquirer, Democrat. Ch«ap Voten. The New Yonc legislature has been petitioned to enact such laws as will break up the white slavery as it ex ists in the metropolis known as the padrone system. Under this system imported Italians are made to work for the importers for seventy-five cents a day, while the importer re ceives from the city $1.50, he him self pocketing the extra seventy-five cents, and at the same time making the slaves vote the Democratic ticket Right Kind of Free Trade. The kind of free trade which the United States wants is free trade with Mexico and Canada. Between us and those countries the custom houses should be removed altogether, but against the rest of the world the barriers should be kept up. When the Republicans get into power again a movement for commercial union between us and our neighbor to the southwest and our other neighbor to the north must be started. i neetcy t laimants. The Chicago Herald says that. Lincoln was the greatest Democrat of the last century. These Demo l cratic papers are modest. Having j had no leaders in the last part of the | century worth bragging about, they i propose to steal the good names < which have made the Republican ! party illustrious. They will put Mc I Kinley and Tom Reed on their roll of fame after awhile. i _ Look on This, Then on That. During the Harrison administra tion the deposits in the savings banks of New York increased every year, and in the year ending Janu ary 1. 1893, the increase was $40. 932,853. On January 1, 1894, the Cleveland administration had been in power nine months, and during the year then ending the deposits had decreased $12,268,824. Sixlng Cp HIU. Hill of New York is a beastly sort of fellow; smart, but ugly, vulgar, coarse, vindictive. We don’t much care how roughly he has brow-beaten and bully-ragged Cleveland, for it needed that sort of deal to knock the coneeit out of the president. But Hill is likely to offend the country more and more as he is indulged by his party. —St Louis Star-Sayinga Fooling With the People. A Boss McKane friend: i tell you, it's a danged bad thing this fooling, | with the people.*-. They lot yon go» along, and go along, and go along, and you think they ain’t even look j ing at you; then all at once they up \ and biff you. Then your name is Dennis. Clothes, Seeks and Things. Clothes make the man, the want of them the fellow. Yet there are exceptions. Simpson wouldn’t wear socks; Feffer wears no collar and went to the senate, and Tillman wears no undershirt and got to be governor.—Birmingham Age-Herald. TMk About Tear Cold Weather! “Talk about your cold weather,” ■aid a traveling man just from the northwest; “yon ought to see it out there once.” Tho crowd ahlverod and pulled up closer to the stove. “1 had a friend up in North Dakota," he went on, “who sent to Ohio for a Gordon setter last fall and expected to have some fine hunting with him. In January I stopped over in his town one day and went to his house to see him. Goihg up the lawn I noticed one of the best specimens of terra cotta work I ever saw. It was a dog standing near the front door, and it was so natural I almost spoke to him as I went inside. After awhile I spoke to my friend about the specimen. “ ‘That's the finest terra cotta dog you’ve got out there I oversaw,’ said I. “ ’What terra cotta dog?* said he, go ing to the window, from where I point ed out the dog to him. He looked at it a minute or two in tently and started outside. “ ‘Terracotta nothing,’ he exclaimed; ’that's my Gordon setter, frozen stiff and hard.’”—Detroit Free Press. A Big Place. A Colorado ranchman was paying bis first visit to New York, and the next morning after his arrival his host took him down to the liattery on the elevated and then proposed that they walk along back up Broadway. , They kept walking along, shoved and hustled and crowded, the westener talking when he could and his friend watching him closely for impressiona After about a mile of it the westerner became tired of it, but kept plodding along: After about an hour he took his friend by the arm and stopped him. “I say, Bill,” he said, trying to find the vanishing point of the street's per spective, with a weary look, “1 say, is it town all the way to the Rocky moun tains?”—Detroit Free Press. Tbe Land of Promt** Is the mighty West, the land that "tickled with a hoe laughs a harvest;” the El Dorado of the miner; the goal of the agricultural emigrant. While It teems with all the ele ments of wealth and prosperity, some of the fairest and most fruitful portions of It bear a harvest of malaria reaped In Its fullness by those unprotected hy a medicinal safe guard. No one seeking or dwelling in a malarial locality Is sate from the scourge without Hostetler's Stomach bitters. Emi grants, bear this In mind. Commercial travelers sojourning in malarious regions should carry a bottle of the bitters In the traditional gripsack. Against the effects of exposure, mental or bodily overwork, damp and unwholesome food or water. It Is an In fallible defense. Constipation, rheumatism, biliousness, dyspepsia, nervousness and loss of strength are all remedied by this genial restorative. bason Friends. Fair Customer—As I wish to present a friend of mine with a bottle of your tincture on her birthday, I should like to know if it it is really to be de pended on for the removal of summer freckles? Druggist—To tell you the honest truth, no, ma'am. Fair Customer—Very Good. Then I will take a bottle.—Xoticiero Uni versal. Facts Worth Knowing. In all diseases of the nasal mucuons mem brane tbe remedy used must be non-irri tating. Nothing satisfactory can be ac complished with douches, snuffs or powders, because they are all irritating, do not reach tbe affected surfaces and should be aban doned as failures. A multitude of persons who bad for years borne all the worry and pain that catarrh can inflict testify to rad ical and permanent cures wrought by Ely's Cream Balm. •‘Miss Higginspike seems to be singularly unimpressionable.” “Un impressionable? She’s adamant That woman could sit with a barrel of sliced onions under her nose and hear Clara Morris play for a whole evening and not shed a tear.” •5,800 FUON TEN ACRES. A. M. Lamb, a market gardener in Pennsylvania, cleared 85,800 on five acres of cabbage and five acres of onions. The reason of this, he says was because Salzer's seeds are so ex tremely early and wondrously pro ductive. Lightning Cabbage and King of the Earliest Onions he had in the market three weeks ahead of any other home-grown sorts, and consequently received fancy prices. Salzer sends 35 packages earliest vegetable seed, suffi cient for a family, for 81, postpaid. ir_You Will cot This Oat and hand It With 6c postage to the John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse. Wis., you will re ceive their mammoth catalogue and a trial package of “Get There, Eli,” the sixteen-day radish. w It iii the one who will not forgive who is always in the wronz. It is hard to understand why boys love to {day football and hate to saw wood. The Mid-Winter Fair a Success. To reach it take the only direct line, the Union Pacific. Through first and second-class sleepers, diners. Our advertising matter tells you all about it. E. L. Lomax, Gen'i. Pass. & Tkt. Agt., Omaha, Neb. There are only a few people who do not talk too much. Coe's Cssgh Balsam Is the oldest and best. It will break up a Cold quick, er tbaa aaythlns else. It Is always reliable. trylu The lazy man believes that there is no bill which is not steep. Go South I la the Wabash. Tourists' tickets now on sale to all points. Bomeseekers’ tickets at half fare on ex cursion dates, April 1 >th and May 8 th. For rates or folders giving full description of lands, climate. &o . caii at Wabash Ticket office, No. UU2 Pam am Street, or write Geo. S. Clattos, N. W. P. Agt., Omaha, Neh. * * ' . ‘ . v. ■v . •' ipi >;'?y. < ». TOURING hard times con sumers cannot afford to | experiment with inferior brands of baking powder. It is NOW that the great strength and purity of the ROYAL make it indis- g pensable to those who desire to practise economy in the kitchen. Each spoonful does its perfect work. Its increasing sale bears witness that it is a necessity to the prudent—it goes further. KOVAL BAKING POWDER CO., 106 WALL 6T., NEW YORK. Very Ancient Jokes. When Themistocles was trying: to get money out of the Andrian* for the Greece defense fund and told them that the Athenian* would come with two great gods, persuasion and necessity, the Andrians replied that the Athen ians were well off with two such ser vicable (rods, but they had two gods who always dwell in their country— property and impossibility. Cyrus’ bitter jest about the fishes to the wretched lonians, who had declined his overtures, and then after the taking of Sardis wanted to come to terms, ha* too much cruelty to be humorous. “Say," said the insulting victor, “that a piper, seeing fishes in the sea, were too pipe to them thinking they will come out to the land, and when he was disappointed of his hope took a net and inclosed a great multitude of the fishes and drew them to land, and seeing them flopping about said to the fishes, ‘Cease dancing to me, since you would not come out and dance when I played.' ”—Westminister Heview. •