X
y
Ami There Are Other.
Mr. Sloper (whose wife is a bicycle
enthusiast) There you go again, my
clear. Cnn't you let tip ou the bicycle
talk; don't you know you are injuring
jour chances of going to Heaven, ns
well as driving me almost crazy?
Mrs. Sloper (startled) Why, what do
you mean, John; is this one of your
sacrilegious jokes?
Mr. S. No joke at all. Do you sup
pose you will he admitted to the Heaven
ly choir when you can harp only on one
subject, and an infernal one at that?
llrooklyn Life.
Why Ho Docs It.
"I understand that he hangs himself
over a clothesline every day for an hour
or two."
"He docs."
"That seems strange. Has there ever
been any question as to his sanity?"
"Not at all. Everyone understands
the reason. He is trying to make a
'scorcher' of himself, and merely takes
this method of improving the curve of
hia back." Chicngo I'ost.
ri:uri:cTiA' saw:.
Small Person in Hiding Keep still,
Jimmy; he'll never discover us here!
Chicago llecord.
I
Gentlemen of I.cliuro.
Kind Lady What u nice little girl
you arc! Js your father in business in
this city?
1 Little Girl Business! My pnpn
doesn't have to bother about business.
"Ah! Gentleman of leisure, then?"
"Yes'm; he's a detective." N. Y.
Weekly.
THE APPLE WOMAN
A Iteul Iteiitdlt.
Young Husband Where is that
angel-food cake you baked this morn
ing, my dear?
Young Wife The rats in the closet
ate it. Isn't it too bad?
Young Husband There, don't cry.
We'll not have to be bothered with a cat
now. Chicago Iteeord.
No Chiiiifo Afterward.
Mrs. DeYcre I think a woman ought
to be mighty well acquainted with a
man before she marries him.
Mrs. Untnpnge Yes, because she
won't have much chance to get ac
quainted with him afterward. N. Y.
Mercury.
And It's True.
"What is the hardest thing to learn
about u bicycle?" asked thu elderly
boarder. But before the bloomer board
er could reply the Cheerful Idiot hast
ened to say:
"To keep from talking about it, as
far as I can notice." X. Y. Tribune.
Him Knew.
"After aN, what is a kiss?" said young
Mr. Warren, reflectively, after pressing
the lips of his Boston fiancee.
"A kiss," replied Miss .South-Church,
"is the anatomical juxtaposition of or
bicularis muscles in a state of con t ruc
tion." Ui'tnorest's Magazine.
Jleiivy, Too.
"So you and your wife had a warm
argument."
"Yes, we threw hot biscuits ut each
other." To-.vu TopicB.
i . i
i
Motility Mlko Outwitted.
Kngged Jlobert What luck did ycr
have in that there restaurant?
Mouldy Mike (sndly) I got cr big
meal titer, reg'lar spread, but I had tor
pay all th' money 1 had fer it. Ain't a
cent left fer drinks.
.Ragged Uobert (in disgust) Pay!
Why didn't ycr dead beat it an let 'cm
send fer a pcrlieceman, as yuh said yuh
would. Ycr wouldn't n got inore'n ten
days.
Mouldy Mike (pathetically) But
they wasn't goin' ter send fer a police
mnn. They was goin ter send fer a
stomach pump. Bay City Chat.
raid fur Hlft .lolcc.
"So Tucker and G tippy don't speak
any more?"
"Oh, 'Packer's all right. It's G tippy
that's mad. He dropped a cold silver
dollar down the back of Tackcr's neck
in church, you know, as an April fool
joke. Tucker never said a word, though
it scared him half to death."
'Then why should Guppy be the one
to get mad?"
'"Packer went off with the dollar."
N. Y. World.
Sordid.
"There are men, I suppose," she re
marked, pensively, "who arc engaged to
more than one girl at the same time."
"Yes," he answered; "but I'm not one
of them."
"I'm glad to hear you say that. It
is so frivolous and insincere."
"Of course. And there's no reason
why a man shouldn't make one engage
ment ring go all the way round, if lie
only takes his time." Washington Star.
Not ii Lottery Ilorruftcr.
"Now, then," exclaimed the business
like inventor, as he grasped his hat and
placed carefully in his pocket his latest
improved X ray apparatus', warranted
to enable the operator to sec through
a six-inch plank, "I am ready."
"Where are you going, dear?" asked
his wife.
"I am going," he rejoined, "to attend
an auction sale of unclaimed packages."
Chicago Tribune.
Couldn't See the Joke.
"Well," said Snaggs, "1 think many
dogs have more sense than their mas
ter' "Yes," chimed in Craggs. "I have
a dog like that myself." And yet he
couldn't make out why they laughed,
Tit-Bits.
OF DOWNING STREET.
A Careful Girl.
Mr. Gilgal Is not that a queer idea
of the doctors, that kissing conveys dis
ease germs?
Miss Kittish Bather, but it doesn't
annoy me.
"You er you never kiss?"
"I rub an antiseptic preparation on
my lips every day." Art in Dress.
Not hint; Strange About It.
"Xo, Mh-'s Amy," remarked young Dr.
Paresis, "as a physician 1 cannot accept
the Hihlical account of such longevity
as Mathtiselah's."
"0, I can," replied Miss Amy, sweet
ly, "there were no doctors in thoso
days." Bay City Clutt.
A Sure Thing.
Miss Jones (the daughter of his em
ployer) I don't believe, Mr. Cashier,
that pa will give his consent.
Mr. Cashier Oh, yes he will after ho
has examined the books. He will want
to keep the money in the family. Texas
Sifter.
feuxplrlouH Teiideriii'HK.
Mrs. Shurpleigh I believe my bus
baud loves another.
Mrs. Brotty-Ktouc Why so?
Mrs. Shurpleigh He hugged and
kissed me for an hour last night. Town
Topics.
.". Miliary Item.
Young Wife lal'ter visitors have gone)
Why, they didn't eat a bit of my
cake.
Husband You ought not to have told
them that uu h.adcit. Te,;.sfc.fter,
A VETERAN BUILDER
Suffora for Months from Rhouma
tism and Kldnoy Troublo.
It Mudo Ills I.lfo Mlaernhlo-ror AVcclw
Ho Va Unable to JUovo Without
AsuUtitncc After Many Uu-
BUccPHnful Trials Ho
Finds ft Iteinedy,
From ihc Aci, llutchinton, Kan.
One of the best known men in Hutchin
son, Kan., becauso oao of the early settlors,
is Mr. George Shears, a contractor ami
brick and stone mason of twenty years
Htnuding in our midst. In conversation with
the writora few days sluee, Mr. Shcarssald :
"I have been a resident of this city for
over twenty years, during which time, gen
erally speaking, I have had exceptionally
good health, superintending tho direction of
many of tho best business blocks in Hutch
inson, and feeling at all times a deep in
terest In tho growth of tho city. Itistruo
that during this period ot time I have seen
many 'tired seasons, but it wua not until
about two years ago that I ilrst realized the
horrors of rheumatism. I was taken down
by this dread malady and so strong was its
hold upon mo that until a short timo ago I
was uuablo to take oft or put on my now
shoes, and had to bo assisted ia putting on
and taking off my clothing, as well as getting
out of or into my buggy.
'About a year ago I was attacked with
kidney trouble, and this, together with my
rhoumatism, nutdo life most unbearable. A
few weeks ago, after many unsuccessful
trials with local physicians to obtain relief,
1 stonped into tho A and A Drag Ktoro and
asked for tho best iiicdlciuo at their com
mand for rheumatism and kidney troublo.
Dr. Ardery, the bond prescription clerk, sug
gested that I try Dr. Williams Pink Pills
for Palo People. I purchased onobox, took
them homo and with many misgivings bo
gnu taking them according to directions. I
might add ia this connection that my wlfo
who has also been ailing from kldnoy
troublo for it few years began taking tho
pills at tho saino time I did.
"I am a man of few words, ns all of my
friends know, and do not desire to sav any
thing for any man, company or medicine
that I do not mean, but I will sny this for
Dr. Williams' Pink Pills, I am so far de
lighted with tho uso of these pills, and my
wife attests tho statement, that I to-day
bought two more boxes, and whereas llfo
was n burden before, and I was compelled
to have assistance nearly all tho timo botli
day and night I have lost nil symptoms of
rheumatism, can walk as lively tis I could
twenty years ngo, my kidneys tiro as actlvo
and natural as they over were, and I llrmlv
bollcvo that i am n cured man andthntl
Owe It all VO Pr, Williams' Pink Pills for
Palo People.
"Tho pills I got to-day aro for tho purposo
of keeping them in my family and when
ailments such as wo have been heir to for
some timo past befall us we slnll resort to
Pink Pills, feeling that tboy will do all that
is claimed for them. There is nothing in
this statement but what my family und my
neighbors and many citizens of Hutchinson
know to be trno, and I give them to you
thinking possibly some oilier poor sufferer
may profit by my experience and bo made
almost as good ns now again by the use of
these little wonders. '
Dr Willinms' Pink Pills contain, in a con-'
denscd form, all tho elements necessary to
glvo now lifo and richness to tho blood and
restoro shattered nerves. They nro an un
fniling specific for such diseases as locomo
tor ataxiu, partial paralysis, St. Vitus'
dance, sciatica, neuralgia, rheumatism, nerv
ous headache, tho after clTccts of la grippe,
palpitation of tho heart, palo nud sallow
complexions, all forms of weakness either
in male or female. Pink Pills aro sold by
all dealers, or will bo sent post paid ou re
coil)! of price, M cents a box, or six boxes
for S2.r0 (they aro never sold in bulk or by
tho 100), by addressing Dr. Williams' Med.
icino Company, Schenectady, N. Y.
Tun troublo with most jx'oplo who chnngo
their minds ou public questions is that tlioy
cannot understand why everybody oleo
should not do likewise. Washington Post.
"Somi'.timks," said Undo Ebon, "when
er man asks er fob advice, what iio really
wants is fob ycr tor guess his opinion an'
tell it tor 'im.'' Washington Star.
Hcittnni.nit "Jlnglo is a poet, isn't ho?"
Scrawlcr "No, he's a commercial man. lie
pets paid for his poetry." Philadelphia
Kccord.
"I am reduced to grcatcxtromitiosnpaln,"
sighed the tunny man, as ho tossed off an
other ioko or two Involving the Chicago
girl. Chicago Tribune.
Biuutv is no local deity, liko tho Greek
and Roman gods, but omnipresent. Bartol.
THE GENERAL MARKET.
Kansas City,
CATTLE Hest beeves
Stocler
Native cows
HOGS Choice to heavy
WHEAT No. a red
No. ' hard
COHN No. 2 mixed
OATS No. B mixed
KYE No.U
KLOUIt Patent, per saclt
Fancy
HAY Cholco timothy
Puncy prairlo
IlItAN-(Saeked)
IiUTTKK Chotco creamery ...
CHEESE Pull cream
EGGS-Choico
POTATOES
ST. LOUIS.
CATTLE Native- und shipping
Tcxnns
HOGS-Heavy
SHEEP Kulr to choice
FLOUU Cholco
W 1 1 E AT-No. Bred
COKN-No. S mixed
OATS-No. 2 mixed
KYE No. '.'.
HUTTEK Crcumery
L'AKD Western mess
PORK
CHICAGO
TATTLE Common to prime...
HOGS Packing and shipping.
'SHEEP Fulr to cholco
FLOUR Winter wheat
f WHEAT No. B red
'CORN-No. 2
OATS-No. !
(RYE
HUTTER-Creamory
LARD
PORK
NEW YORK.
Mo., JunoO.
3 1 4 05
3 :w ff& 3 CO
s a"na
a 03
3 :u
3
48 a
2I?i
1.M4T6
:u a
1 Hi (To
4 m
3 0)
a hi 06 :
a to :
a iu :
(0 c,r.
av.i-a
sa
11V4
3 70 4 25
a a) ... 3 ao
a 00 3 50
3 M 3 80
C) 01
27!"0 27K
17 h 17ft
:u :uh
11 15
4 0714 1 n
o ttfji 7 at
'l CO Ph 4 25
3 Ml C 3 75
3 40 3 Ml
"2 ia. 73
3,.ii'A Ili'i
13 06 23!
CATTLE-Natlvo Steers
HOGS Good to Choice
FLOUK-CJood to Choice.
WHEAT-No. '.' red
CORN-No. a
OATS-No. a
HUTTER-Crcamcry
PORK-Mtss
11 i.. 15 K
BlOO Reward 8100.
Tho renders of this papor will bo pleased
to learn that there is nt least one dreaded
dlseaso that sclcnco lias been able to euro In
all its stages, uud that is Catarrh. Hall's
Catarrh Curo is tho only positive euro
known to tho medical fraternity. Catarrh
being it constitution:' disease, requires a
constitutional treatment, Hull's Catarrh
Cute is taken Internally, acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces of tho
system, thorcby destroying tho foundation
of tho disease, and giving tho pntlcnt
strength by building uptbeconstltution and
assisting nnttiro in doing Its work. Tho
proprietors have so much faith in Its euro,
tlvo powers that they offer One Hundred
Dollars for any caso that it falls to curo.
bend Tor list of testimonials.
Address V. J. Ciii:.vi:v & Co., Toledo, O.
Hold by Druggists, Too,
Hall's Family Pills nro tho best.
"I think it is menu of you to snv that the
count is good for nothing." "Well. 1 sup
posolf you ever go to Paris ho will como
In handy as an interpreter.' Brooklyn
Life,
Thrrn for u Dollar!
ThreowhnU Three charmingly executed
posters In colors, drawn by W. W. Dons
low, Ethel Heed and Hay Drown, will he
houtfrco of postage to any address ou re
ceipt of One Dollar. All 5vho uro aflllcted
with tho poster cruzo" will Immediately
embrace this rare opportunity, as but a
limited number of tho posters will ho Is
sued. Tho scarcity of a good thing en
hances its value. AddrosB Ui:o. II. llnkv
roui), Oenor.il Passenger Agent of tho Chi
cago, Milwaukee & St. Paul Hallway, Old
Colony Building, Chicago, III.
Always Hot Away. "Did you ever hear
ono oT Brown's clnracterlstlo stories I"
"Well, no not it wholo oao." Chicago
Hceord.
Diiopsv 13 a dread dlseaso, but it has lost
its terrors to those who know that 11. II.
(irccn & Rons, tho Dropsy Specialists of
Atlanta, Georgia, treat it with such great
success. Write them for pamphlet giving
full Information.
Li:t your literary compositions ho kept
from tho public eye for nine years at least.
Horace.
''hat which history can best glvo Is tho
cuthusiusm which it raises in our hearts.
Goethe.
JP
2-
the wash-board out of the house. There's no room or place
for it with Pearline (nousoap). nor for any of its wearing-out,
tiresome rubbing. You'll be doing your pocket-book a good
turn, and help toward making it fatter and sleeker, if you'll
do all your washing and cleaning with Pearline. coo
y.
-m
HI
ia
-
BIG AND GOOD.
PLsUG
Sometimes quality is sacrificed in the
effort to give big quantity for little money.
No doubt about that.
But once in a while it isn't.
For instance, there's " BATTLE AX."
The piece is bigger than you ever saw
before for 5 cents. And the quality is, as
many a man has said, " mighty good."
Tnere's no guess work in this statement.
It is just a plain fact.
You can prove it by investing 5 cents
in " BATTLE AX."
CUIUS WritKt All ilKt (Alls.
Best Coivh eyrup. TsticA Good. Use i
i m tuiiit. bom pyciruasiit...
rtSKMirKWFxWMraK?l
Si 1. u .J ----!. lih - . '- L
-S
Gladness Comes
With n better understanding of tho
transient itaturo of tho many phys
ical ills, which vanish beforo proper of
forls gcntlaoitorts plcasantcitorts
rightly directed. Thero ia comfort ia
tlio knowledge, that so many forms of
sickness aro not duo to any actual dis
ease, but simply to tv constipated condi
tion of tho system, which tho pleasant
family laxative, Syrup of Pigs, prompt
ly removes. That 1h why it is tho only
remedy with mlllloimof families, and is
everywhero esteemed so highly by till
who vttltto good health. Itn beneficial
effects aro duo to tho fact, that it is tho
ono remedy which promotes internal
cleanliness without debilitating tho
organs on which it nets. It is thcroforo
all important, in order to get its bene
llclal oitects, to noto when you pur
chase, that you liavo tho genuiuo arti
cle, which is manufactured by tho Cali
fornia Klg Syrup Co. only und koUI by
till roputiiblo druggists.
If in tho enjoyment of good health,
and tho fiystem is regular, laxatives or
other remedies nro then not needed. If
nlHicted with any nctunl disou.se, ono
may bo commended to tho most skillful
physicians, but if in need of u laxative,
ono should bavo tho best, and with tlio
well-informed everywhere, Syrup of
Pigs stands highest and is most largely
used and gives most general satisfaction.
They don't
agree
your pockct-boolc and
your wash-board. One tries
to keep your money the
other wastes it. You'd
A Jkcttcr c0
VjS book,
Jr" with
consult yourpocket-
do your washing
Pearline, and put
Vw
ra
fUDSSJWi n'"1 WHISKY IwMIhcmwcI. Pool; sent
fir BUifi n;vx. nr. a. si. wnuxuv, imit&, uu
JrVMH T'llS HA Vt mrr llm tw rtu.
A. N. K. D " I608J
u'in:. wkitincj to avektihi:us i'lhaks:
tuto tUul ou iuw tlio AUicrtLuuicut l Udi
