X y Ami There Are Other. Mr. Sloper (whose wife is a bicycle enthusiast) There you go again, my clear. Cnn't you let tip ou the bicycle talk; don't you know you are injuring jour chances of going to Heaven, ns well as driving me almost crazy? Mrs. Sloper (startled) Why, what do you mean, John; is this one of your sacrilegious jokes? Mr. S. No joke at all. Do you sup pose you will he admitted to the Heaven ly choir when you can harp only on one subject, and an infernal one at that? llrooklyn Life. Why Ho Docs It. "I understand that he hangs himself over a clothesline every day for an hour or two." "He docs." "That seems strange. Has there ever been any question as to his sanity?" "Not at all. Everyone understands the reason. He is trying to make a 'scorcher' of himself, and merely takes this method of improving the curve of hia back." Chicngo I'ost. ri:uri:cTiA' saw:. Small Person in Hiding Keep still, Jimmy; he'll never discover us here! Chicago llecord. I Gentlemen of I.cliuro. Kind Lady What u nice little girl you arc! Js your father in business in this city? 1 Little Girl Business! My pnpn doesn't have to bother about business. "Ah! Gentleman of leisure, then?" "Yes'm; he's a detective." N. Y. Weekly. THE APPLE WOMAN A Iteul Iteiitdlt. Young Husband Where is that angel-food cake you baked this morn ing, my dear? Young Wife The rats in the closet ate it. Isn't it too bad? Young Husband There, don't cry. We'll not have to be bothered with a cat now. Chicago Iteeord. No Chiiiifo Afterward. Mrs. DeYcre I think a woman ought to be mighty well acquainted with a man before she marries him. Mrs. Untnpnge Yes, because she won't have much chance to get ac quainted with him afterward. N. Y. Mercury. And It's True. "What is the hardest thing to learn about u bicycle?" asked thu elderly boarder. But before the bloomer board er could reply the Cheerful Idiot hast ened to say: "To keep from talking about it, as far as I can notice." X. Y. Tribune. Him Knew. "After aN, what is a kiss?" said young Mr. Warren, reflectively, after pressing the lips of his Boston fiancee. "A kiss," replied Miss .South-Church, "is the anatomical juxtaposition of or bicularis muscles in a state of con t ruc tion." Ui'tnorest's Magazine. Jleiivy, Too. "So you and your wife had a warm argument." "Yes, we threw hot biscuits ut each other." To-.vu TopicB. i . i i Motility Mlko Outwitted. Kngged Jlobert What luck did ycr have in that there restaurant? Mouldy Mike (sndly) I got cr big meal titer, reg'lar spread, but I had tor pay all th' money 1 had fer it. Ain't a cent left fer drinks. .Ragged Uobert (in disgust) Pay! Why didn't ycr dead beat it an let 'cm send fer a pcrlieceman, as yuh said yuh would. Ycr wouldn't n got inore'n ten days. Mouldy Mike (pathetically) But they wasn't goin' ter send fer a police mnn. They was goin ter send fer a stomach pump. Bay City Chat. raid fur Hlft .lolcc. "So Tucker and G tippy don't speak any more?" "Oh, 'Packer's all right. It's G tippy that's mad. He dropped a cold silver dollar down the back of Tackcr's neck in church, you know, as an April fool joke. Tucker never said a word, though it scared him half to death." 'Then why should Guppy be the one to get mad?" '"Packer went off with the dollar." N. Y. World. Sordid. "There are men, I suppose," she re marked, pensively, "who arc engaged to more than one girl at the same time." "Yes," he answered; "but I'm not one of them." "I'm glad to hear you say that. It is so frivolous and insincere." "Of course. And there's no reason why a man shouldn't make one engage ment ring go all the way round, if lie only takes his time." Washington Star. Not ii Lottery Ilorruftcr. "Now, then," exclaimed the business like inventor, as he grasped his hat and placed carefully in his pocket his latest improved X ray apparatus', warranted to enable the operator to sec through a six-inch plank, "I am ready." "Where are you going, dear?" asked his wife. "I am going," he rejoined, "to attend an auction sale of unclaimed packages." Chicago Tribune. Couldn't See the Joke. "Well," said Snaggs, "1 think many dogs have more sense than their mas ter' "Yes," chimed in Craggs. "I have a dog like that myself." And yet he couldn't make out why they laughed, Tit-Bits. OF DOWNING STREET. A Careful Girl. Mr. Gilgal Is not that a queer idea of the doctors, that kissing conveys dis ease germs? Miss Kittish Bather, but it doesn't annoy me. "You er you never kiss?" "I rub an antiseptic preparation on my lips every day." Art in Dress. Not hint; Strange About It. "Xo, Mh-'s Amy," remarked young Dr. Paresis, "as a physician 1 cannot accept the Hihlical account of such longevity as Mathtiselah's." "0, I can," replied Miss Amy, sweet ly, "there were no doctors in thoso days." Bay City Clutt. A Sure Thing. Miss Jones (the daughter of his em ployer) I don't believe, Mr. Cashier, that pa will give his consent. Mr. Cashier Oh, yes he will after ho has examined the books. He will want to keep the money in the family. Texas Sifter. feuxplrlouH Teiideriii'HK. Mrs. Shurpleigh I believe my bus baud loves another. Mrs. Brotty-Ktouc Why so? Mrs. Shurpleigh He hugged and kissed me for an hour last night. Town Topics. .". Miliary Item. Young Wife lal'ter visitors have gone) Why, they didn't eat a bit of my cake. Husband You ought not to have told them that uu h.adcit. Te,;.sfc.fter, A VETERAN BUILDER Suffora for Months from Rhouma tism and Kldnoy Troublo. It Mudo Ills I.lfo Mlaernhlo-ror AVcclw Ho Va Unable to JUovo Without AsuUtitncc After Many Uu- BUccPHnful Trials Ho Finds ft Iteinedy, From ihc Aci, llutchinton, Kan. One of the best known men in Hutchin son, Kan., becauso oao of the early settlors, is Mr. George Shears, a contractor ami brick and stone mason of twenty years Htnuding in our midst. In conversation with the writora few days sluee, Mr. Shcarssald : "I have been a resident of this city for over twenty years, during which time, gen erally speaking, I have had exceptionally good health, superintending tho direction of many of tho best business blocks in Hutch inson, and feeling at all times a deep in terest In tho growth of tho city. Itistruo that during this period ot time I have seen many 'tired seasons, but it wua not until about two years ago that I ilrst realized the horrors of rheumatism. I was taken down by this dread malady and so strong was its hold upon mo that until a short timo ago I was uuablo to take oft or put on my now shoes, and had to bo assisted ia putting on and taking off my clothing, as well as getting out of or into my buggy. 'About a year ago I was attacked with kidney trouble, and this, together with my rhoumatism, nutdo life most unbearable. A few weeks ago, after many unsuccessful trials with local physicians to obtain relief, 1 stonped into tho A and A Drag Ktoro and asked for tho best iiicdlciuo at their com mand for rheumatism and kidney troublo. Dr. Ardery, the bond prescription clerk, sug gested that I try Dr. Williams Pink Pills for Palo People. I purchased onobox, took them homo and with many misgivings bo gnu taking them according to directions. I might add ia this connection that my wlfo who has also been ailing from kldnoy troublo for it few years began taking tho pills at tho saino time I did. "I am a man of few words, ns all of my friends know, and do not desire to sav any thing for any man, company or medicine that I do not mean, but I will sny this for Dr. Williams' Pink Pills, I am so far de lighted with tho uso of these pills, and my wife attests tho statement, that I to-day bought two more boxes, and whereas llfo was n burden before, and I was compelled to have assistance nearly all tho timo botli day and night I have lost nil symptoms of rheumatism, can walk as lively tis I could twenty years ngo, my kidneys tiro as actlvo and natural as they over were, and I llrmlv bollcvo that i am n cured man andthntl Owe It all VO Pr, Williams' Pink Pills for Palo People. "Tho pills I got to-day aro for tho purposo of keeping them in my family and when ailments such as wo have been heir to for some timo past befall us we slnll resort to Pink Pills, feeling that tboy will do all that is claimed for them. There is nothing in this statement but what my family und my neighbors and many citizens of Hutchinson know to be trno, and I give them to you thinking possibly some oilier poor sufferer may profit by my experience and bo made almost as good ns now again by the use of these little wonders. ' Dr Willinms' Pink Pills contain, in a con-' denscd form, all tho elements necessary to glvo now lifo and richness to tho blood and restoro shattered nerves. They nro an un fniling specific for such diseases as locomo tor ataxiu, partial paralysis, St. Vitus' dance, sciatica, neuralgia, rheumatism, nerv ous headache, tho after clTccts of la grippe, palpitation of tho heart, palo nud sallow complexions, all forms of weakness either in male or female. Pink Pills aro sold by all dealers, or will bo sent post paid ou re coil)! of price, M cents a box, or six boxes for S2.r0 (they aro never sold in bulk or by tho 100), by addressing Dr. Williams' Med. icino Company, Schenectady, N. Y. Tun troublo with most jx'oplo who chnngo their minds ou public questions is that tlioy cannot understand why everybody oleo should not do likewise. Washington Post. "Somi'.timks," said Undo Ebon, "when er man asks er fob advice, what iio really wants is fob ycr tor guess his opinion an' tell it tor 'im.'' Washington Star. Hcittnni.nit "Jlnglo is a poet, isn't ho?" Scrawlcr "No, he's a commercial man. lie pets paid for his poetry." Philadelphia Kccord. "I am reduced to grcatcxtromitiosnpaln," sighed the tunny man, as ho tossed off an other ioko or two Involving the Chicago girl. Chicago Tribune. Biuutv is no local deity, liko tho Greek and Roman gods, but omnipresent. Bartol. THE GENERAL MARKET. Kansas City, CATTLE Hest beeves Stocler Native cows HOGS Choice to heavy WHEAT No. a red No. ' hard COHN No. 2 mixed OATS No. B mixed KYE No.U KLOUIt Patent, per saclt Fancy HAY Cholco timothy Puncy prairlo IlItAN-(Saeked) IiUTTKK Chotco creamery ... CHEESE Pull cream EGGS-Choico POTATOES ST. LOUIS. CATTLE Native- und shipping Tcxnns HOGS-Heavy SHEEP Kulr to choice FLOUU Cholco W 1 1 E AT-No. Bred COKN-No. S mixed OATS-No. 2 mixed KYE No. '.'. HUTTEK Crcumery L'AKD Western mess PORK CHICAGO TATTLE Common to prime... HOGS Packing and shipping. 'SHEEP Fulr to cholco FLOUR Winter wheat f WHEAT No. B red 'CORN-No. 2 OATS-No. ! (RYE HUTTER-Creamory LARD PORK NEW YORK. Mo., JunoO. 3 1 4 05 3 :w ff& 3 CO s a"na a 03 3 :u 3 48 a 2I?i 1.M4T6 :u a 1 Hi (To 4 m 3 0) a hi 06 : a to : a iu : (0 c,r. av.i-a sa 11V4 3 70 4 25 a a) ... 3 ao a 00 3 50 3 M 3 80 C) 01 27!"0 27K 17 h 17ft :u :uh 11 15 4 0714 1 n o ttfji 7 at 'l CO Ph 4 25 3 Ml C 3 75 3 40 3 Ml "2 ia. 73 3,.ii'A Ili'i 13 06 23! CATTLE-Natlvo Steers HOGS Good to Choice FLOUK-CJood to Choice. WHEAT-No. '.' red CORN-No. a OATS-No. a HUTTER-Crcamcry PORK-Mtss 11 i.. 15 K BlOO Reward 8100. Tho renders of this papor will bo pleased to learn that there is nt least one dreaded dlseaso that sclcnco lias been able to euro In all its stages, uud that is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Curo is tho only positive euro known to tho medical fraternity. Catarrh being it constitution:' disease, requires a constitutional treatment, Hull's Catarrh Cute is taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of tho system, thorcby destroying tho foundation of tho disease, and giving tho pntlcnt strength by building uptbeconstltution and assisting nnttiro in doing Its work. Tho proprietors have so much faith in Its euro, tlvo powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for any caso that it falls to curo. bend Tor list of testimonials. Address V. J. Ciii:.vi:v & Co., Toledo, O. Hold by Druggists, Too, Hall's Family Pills nro tho best. "I think it is menu of you to snv that the count is good for nothing." "Well. 1 sup posolf you ever go to Paris ho will como In handy as an interpreter.' Brooklyn Life, Thrrn for u Dollar! ThreowhnU Three charmingly executed posters In colors, drawn by W. W. Dons low, Ethel Heed and Hay Drown, will he houtfrco of postage to any address ou re ceipt of One Dollar. All 5vho uro aflllcted with tho poster cruzo" will Immediately embrace this rare opportunity, as but a limited number of tho posters will ho Is sued. Tho scarcity of a good thing en hances its value. AddrosB Ui:o. II. llnkv roui), Oenor.il Passenger Agent of tho Chi cago, Milwaukee & St. Paul Hallway, Old Colony Building, Chicago, III. Always Hot Away. "Did you ever hear ono oT Brown's clnracterlstlo stories I" "Well, no not it wholo oao." Chicago Hceord. Diiopsv 13 a dread dlseaso, but it has lost its terrors to those who know that 11. II. (irccn & Rons, tho Dropsy Specialists of Atlanta, Georgia, treat it with such great success. Write them for pamphlet giving full Information. Li:t your literary compositions ho kept from tho public eye for nine years at least. Horace. ''hat which history can best glvo Is tho cuthusiusm which it raises in our hearts. Goethe. JP 2- the wash-board out of the house. There's no room or place for it with Pearline (nousoap). nor for any of its wearing-out, tiresome rubbing. You'll be doing your pocket-book a good turn, and help toward making it fatter and sleeker, if you'll do all your washing and cleaning with Pearline. coo y. -m HI ia - BIG AND GOOD. PLsUG Sometimes quality is sacrificed in the effort to give big quantity for little money. No doubt about that. But once in a while it isn't. For instance, there's " BATTLE AX." The piece is bigger than you ever saw before for 5 cents. And the quality is, as many a man has said, " mighty good." Tnere's no guess work in this statement. It is just a plain fact. You can prove it by investing 5 cents in " BATTLE AX." CUIUS WritKt All ilKt (Alls. Best Coivh eyrup. TsticA Good. Use i i m tuiiit. bom pyciruasiit... rtSKMirKWFxWMraK?l Si 1. u .J ----!. lih - . '- L -S Gladness Comes With n better understanding of tho transient itaturo of tho many phys ical ills, which vanish beforo proper of forls gcntlaoitorts plcasantcitorts rightly directed. Thero ia comfort ia tlio knowledge, that so many forms of sickness aro not duo to any actual dis ease, but simply to tv constipated condi tion of tho system, which tho pleasant family laxative, Syrup of Pigs, prompt ly removes. That 1h why it is tho only remedy with mlllloimof families, and is everywhero esteemed so highly by till who vttltto good health. Itn beneficial effects aro duo to tho fact, that it is tho ono remedy which promotes internal cleanliness without debilitating tho organs on which it nets. It is thcroforo all important, in order to get its bene llclal oitects, to noto when you pur chase, that you liavo tho genuiuo arti cle, which is manufactured by tho Cali fornia Klg Syrup Co. only und koUI by till roputiiblo druggists. If in tho enjoyment of good health, and tho fiystem is regular, laxatives or other remedies nro then not needed. If nlHicted with any nctunl disou.se, ono may bo commended to tho most skillful physicians, but if in need of u laxative, ono should bavo tho best, and with tlio well-informed everywhere, Syrup of Pigs stands highest and is most largely used and gives most general satisfaction. They don't agree your pockct-boolc and your wash-board. One tries to keep your money the other wastes it. You'd A Jkcttcr c0 VjS book, Jr" with consult yourpocket- do your washing Pearline, and put Vw ra fUDSSJWi n'"1 WHISKY IwMIhcmwcI. Pool; sent fir BUifi n;vx. nr. a. si. wnuxuv, imit&, uu JrVMH T'llS HA Vt mrr llm tw rtu. A. N. K. D " I608J u'in:. wkitincj to avektihi:us i'lhaks: tuto tUul ou iuw tlio AUicrtLuuicut l Udi