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About The Alliance herald. (Alliance, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1902-1922 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 27, 1914)
ed the husband. "There'll be, an other a few feet ahead."' 4 otf'9 Column 3.,,, Here's another: . . ' "I dust bought a Ford,, announced Pillklns. 7 ; H i "ina ibt ivr you a pouirrel with iriting 111" makad WhlUii;rtuJw:. , What do I want a aqulrrel for?" t V Why, to rum , along, behind and .tM-iiU'l.t CT- y pick up the nuts." 4 . Lower Prices on Ford Cars Effective August I at 1014 to August 1st 1015 and guaranteed agaJntKt any redaction daring that time, All can fallf equipped f. o. b. Detroit. Runabout - - . - $440 . Touring Car 490 Town Car - ..690 (In the United States of America only) . Buyers to Share in Profit' , All retail buyers of new Ford cam from AuM lat 1914 to August 1st 1915 will share In the prof- 1U of the company to the extent f 1 40 to $60 per car. on each car they buy, PROVIDED: we Bell and deliver 200.000 new Ford cars during that period. Ford Motor Company KEELER-COURSEY Co., Alliance ' v' a iincufvat Some - gentleman- -whose breakfast evidently didn't, agree wUbbtm on the day he Wrote. sends k note which aaya: "Dear Lloyd, why don't - you take some of your valuable (T) time and miemlhian .sensible) laAba column of apace which you waste ev ery week In The Herald? It makea me aick to be compelled to read the stale Jokes and sentimental gush In your column' every week," .... Our reply w.-You den't need to read it, old 'man. v LeU mother and the kids read lt." I. I f 0 W"-1 Dierks Lumber & Coal Company v Headquarters for Building Material ' Celebrated Bradley Troman ralnta Barbed Wire, Cement Blocks, LdghUilng Rods, B. A S. Floor Covering Unman Nature the 8ame Human nature never changes, ac cording to some phlloBophera. Writ lings of the ancient Egyptians, in scribed on papyrua, a primitive kind of paper made from the inner bark I of reeds, recently discovered and ex hiblted in London, reveal the people of Pharaoh's day as having tastes and characteristics which still mark human nature the world around. One I of the documents relates to the death I of a man who fell from a roof to which he had climbed in order to get a closer view of some dancing girls. Announcements of horse rac ea and athletic sports were found, aa well aa the record of the complaint I of a wife against her husband baaed on hia refusal to give her the keya to their house. A', fYl diMluv. DYE & OWENS Transfer Line rwvirle JJ $hW&? and transfer work Pray Pbona 04 Residence phone 3$ and Blue) f Something New in Alliance II. Thiele recently purchased a supply of the best Eczema remedy on the market If you are afflicted, call and ask them about Dry Zensal t or, the crusty, scaly skin and Moist Zensal for all watery eruptions clean, odorless ointments for the two distinct types of Eczema. , Here is your chance to get the re lief you have been seeking. What happens after it lights ? The fact that a match lights only on a box does not make it a safe match.. Ynat happens when it lights and after it lights? That is what counts. . Does it "spark" or fly? Does the head drop off? Does the stick break? A match that does any of these things is dangerous. You cannot afford to use it. Safe Home Matches are absolutely safe. They light not only on the box, but also on any or dinary abrasive surface. They burn evenly. They are non-poisonous. When you blow one out, it goes out and it stays out there' is no after-glow: AH grocers. Five cents a box. The Traveling Man One night a Traveling Man dreamed a dream, and dreaming dreamt And atralght away to the pearly gates hia sin-stained spirit hied And there before the saints be stood with downcast head and low. My record's pretty rank he said, I i gueBs I m bound below, I've smoked a lot and drank a lot confess it all I must: I've flirted, too and then besides oh,' gee, how I've cussed. , The good St. Peter looked at vhim with kindly smiling eyes, Dut shook his head don't ask, he said, a mansion in the skies. But let me aak some questions: Are you a Traveling Man? I am, replied the Traveler, and the aged Saint began: You've gotten up at 4 a. m. and chased a train a mile; . Only to find aa usual .your . train leaves after while. You've spent your time In bum ho tels, and eaten still worse meals With oleo and waiter girls all run down at the heels. . You've taken usome good customer out and spent a ten or more, And then he calmly said, I sent my order in the day before. You've had your mall go astray, your trunks have wandered, too; 1 With porters, clerks and bell 'boys you re in a. constant stew. And once a year you see your folks, pray tell me is that so? It is, replied the Traveler, as he took his hat to go. The good St. Peter looked at him as be opened the portals wide. I'm very glad to meet you, sir; pray kindly step inBide. We'll try and make you happy here we 11 do the best we can. You've served your time in Hades for you ve been a Traveling Man. --The Sample Case. in iMHaiMHimu in vonans h ,v A Scotch minister who had' gone to Cladon, Canada,' front Scotland, rendered the following prayer:, O, Lord, we approach Thee this morn in' in the attitude o' prayer, and likewise o. complaint When we cam tae this lan o Canady we ,ex.- peckit tae fin' a lan flowinVwi'crailk an' honey, but instead o' thst we found a lan peopled wl' tttigodly Irish. O, Lord, in Thy great mercy drive them tae the uttermost palrts o', Canady; mak them hewers o wood an' drawers o water; gle them nae emoluments; gle them nae place o' obode; ne'er make them magis trates, policemen or rulers , amang Thy people; but if Ye hae any favors tae bestow, or any guld lan tae gle awa'. gle tae Thine ain. Thy peculiar people, the. Scotch.' Mak' them a members o' Parliament, an' magls trates.'an' rulers -amang Thy people. But, as for thae ungodly Irish, tak them by the heels an' shake them o'er the mooth o' hell, but dinna lat them fa' In, and the glory shall be Thine. AMEN. " A Man Can Sharpen a pencil. -Drive a nail. Take his sweetheart to the theatre and never once leave her side. Take the' same sweetheart to the theatre a year after, when she has become his wife, and go but between every act. , Go to a ' baseball game and . howl like a Comanche Indian from pure enjoyment. . . - Spend his last 1 5 for a good din ner and consider it well spent. - Wear a chrysanthemum the site of a young cabbage and not feel con spicuous. Make more trouble over a slight cold in the head than a woman would If she had the typhoid, fever. Wear loose, warm, comfortable clothes In winter and thin, equally sensible and comfortable clothes in the summer.. Pay little or no attention to fash ions and yet be always well dressed Be generous and fair where - his wife's relatives are concerned. Admire other women and adore his wife. . , Talk about the hard times to his wife when sbe bints about a new bonnet, and tells all his male friends that he has not felt. the stringency in the money market at all. ' A Fly and a Flea and a Flue A fly and a flea in a flue Were in prison, so what could they .do? , Said the fly. "Let us flee." "Let us fly," said the flea. So they flew through a flaw in the flue. . . . ; In Milwaukee there Is one ward that is full of breweries and Ger mans. .In-a recent election a local option: question was up. After the election some Germans were count ing the votes. One German was calling off and another taking' down the option votes. The flrt German, running: rapidly through the ballots, said: Vet, vet. vet. vet. . . ." Sud denly he stopped. "Mein Gott!" he cried. "Dry!" . ., Then he went on: "Vet, vet, vet, vet . . . . " Presently be stoo ped again and mopped his brow. "Hlmmel!" he said. "Der son .of a gun repeated!" ; Liked the Ford Stories A ladv in Illinois who rearU Th Herald wrote us as' follows: "Dear Lloyd. ' I hay lust mart th Vnrri I stories in your column of funnineas. They gave me the first real laugh mai i nave naa lor a year. Thank you so much." A gentleman reader In Waahln?. ton. D. C. writes and sends- the fol lowing additional stories: 1. ' A tourist ram Into t Ti n Ktka Club at Colorado Springs and said the had seen fiva Fnrda lvlnr nn thl I backs in the road between there and t'ueolo. "What was the matter with themf somebody' asked. Oh." he said, "moida mnn man sprinkled insect powder in the road." 2. "Hurry up and . pass that Ford," urged the wife of a tourist crossing the plains in a big car. wnais tne use! ' wearily retort- To Protect' Live Stock from Fliea - The problem of protecting live atock, especially milch 'cowa and work animals, from flies is almost continuously before the farmer. most of the repelling substances wh-.ch might be named are of only temporary value, as with practical! all of them the flies begin biting again within a very few hours after application. This necessitates con siderable expense for the ingredients and (he application of the material and with .many substances somo ' ill effects are produced on the host by tuelr continued a r Plication. A mix ture of fish oil (1 gallon), oil cf tar (2 cunces), oil of pennyroyal ( o'unces), and kerosene (H pint) ap plied lightly to the parts most at tacked by the flies will tend to keep them off. ' Work animals may be largely pro tected by placing blankets over -their backs and trousers on their legs. Dairy stock and horses when barns may be protected by having the barns screened and brushing the flies off with burlap as the animals are driven In, The Use of bodge fir traps In a fsw of the windows will also aid In the destruction of the flies which endeavor to escape from or en ter the barn. This flytrap is of slm pie construction. When large num bers of flies are within a barn the catching of the flies may be facilitat ed by darkening the windows which are not fitted with traps. . .1 ESI .n t4 ft 2. 44 7U .Because of our unique organization we are able to turn out superior job printing only printers who are experts. Our plant, the most completely equipped in western r Nebraska, is in a. position to's turn, out' any ' size job "of r work on short notice. AVhy r get unsatisfactory, shoddy printing done whertiyou can get the kind; that satisfies ; for the right price, b Phone 34Q and w'e will eaUV Mail order given prompt at tention. . ; .Jr.. dtelBJ Alliance, Nebraska neraiu i uuiis fin'- . . " !' ... 4-. -v :: ....-.-.i.-.:.vA. vsT.. .r.s( v1 2yi;zi m-vm'Ut Uaire You A Long Head For Figures?' YOD want to keep down the run lug expense of your car. We can help you.. , ; How? " , ' ' Buy your gasoline from us. We'll save you many a dollar be fore fsll comes. We sell gnuollne. oil and grease at lowest figures obtainable anywhere. Our customers save money by buying their gasoline from us. We positively sell at cheapest figure. , Gasoline is of best quality. - - ' IK. I REO J. L. Nicolai, Prop. 116 Box Butte Ave. Livery Cars TKLIA ON THE KIDXKYS Alliance 1'eople'Iiave Found This, to be True . . . The atraln of overwork tells on the weakened kidneys. The hurry and worry of business men, the neavy lifting anl stooping of work men, the women's household cares, tend to wear, weaken and Injure the kidneys until they can no longer fil ter the poljon from the blood and the whole . nody suffers from the waste matter . that accumulates. Weakened kidneys need quick as sistance. Doan's Kidney Pills are es pecially prepared for weakened kid neys; tired, worn-out backs "have proven their merit In thousands of cases. Below Is convincing proof from this locality; . Mrs. E. T. Lehman. Sidney, Nebr., Says: "For a long time 1-was trou bled by pains' In the small of my back.v Whenever I caught cold. It settled In my kidneys and brought on stiffness and lameness across my loius. A few doses of Doan's Kidney Pills removed the trouble and made me feel like a different woman." Price 50c, at all dealers. Don't simply ask for a kidney remedy -get Doan's Kidney Pills the same that Mrs, Lehman had. Foster-Mil-burn Co., Props.,-Buffalo, N. Y, Rowan A Wright, coal, wood aad posts. Phone 71. America's and Europcfe . A Ceo of tho Tclsphono The city of Chicago has more Ulcphones thai the entire country of France, Omaha more than all of Spain, Minneapolis and St. Paul more than all Italy, and Des Moines more than Greece ' and Portugal combined. Wherever government ownership 1 of tele phones has been tried the rates are higher and the service poorer, ' and the number of tele phones, per capita, lower, than under private ownership in America. ' Here is the record of government ownership in five leading countries of. Europe, and that of private ownership in America: . . - - Telephones) Country Operated by pr 100 ,, Populatioa. r . ' Wnited SUtea Private , 91 rtu any Government is Oreat Britain Government is gfjKium Govern rues t 0s France Government 't . Ausirla Governmeut H HEBHASKA TELEPHONE COMPANY it . .1 'on.:.'! .. -