ed the husband. "There'll be, an
other a few feet ahead."' 4
otf'9 Column
3.,,, Here's another: . . '
"I dust bought a Ford,, announced
Pillklns. 7 ; H i
"ina ibt ivr you a pouirrel with
iriting
111" makad WhlUii;rtuJw:. ,
What do I want a aqulrrel for?"
t V Why, to rum , along, behind and
.tM-iiU'l.t
CT- y
pick up the nuts."
4 .
Lower Prices on Ford Cars
Effective August I at 1014 to August 1st 1015 and
guaranteed agaJntKt any redaction daring that
time, All can fallf equipped f. o. b. Detroit.
Runabout - - . - $440 .
Touring Car 490
Town Car - ..690
(In the United States of America only) .
Buyers to Share in Profit' ,
All retail buyers of new Ford cam from AuM
lat 1914 to August 1st 1915 will share In the prof-
1U of the company to the extent f 1 40 to $60 per
car. on each car they buy, PROVIDED: we Bell and
deliver 200.000 new Ford cars during that period.
Ford Motor Company
KEELER-COURSEY Co., Alliance
' v'
a iincufvat
Some - gentleman- -whose breakfast
evidently didn't, agree wUbbtm on
the day he Wrote. sends k note which
aaya: "Dear Lloyd, why don't - you
take some of your valuable (T) time
and miemlhian .sensible) laAba
column of apace which you waste ev
ery week In The Herald? It makea
me aick to be compelled to read the
stale Jokes and sentimental gush In
your column' every week," ....
Our reply w.-You den't need to
read it, old 'man. v LeU mother and
the kids read lt." I. I f 0 W"-1
Dierks Lumber & Coal
Company v
Headquarters for
Building Material
' Celebrated Bradley Troman ralnta
Barbed Wire, Cement Blocks, LdghUilng Rods, B. A S. Floor Covering
Unman Nature the 8ame
Human nature never changes, ac
cording to some phlloBophera. Writ
lings of the ancient Egyptians, in
scribed on papyrua, a primitive kind
of paper made from the inner bark
I of reeds, recently discovered and ex
hiblted in London, reveal the people
of Pharaoh's day as having tastes
and characteristics which still mark
human nature the world around. One
I of the documents relates to the death
I of a man who fell from a roof to
which he had climbed in order to
get a closer view of some dancing
girls. Announcements of horse rac
ea and athletic sports were found, aa
well aa the record of the complaint
I of a wife against her husband baaed
on hia refusal to give her the keya to
their house.
A',
fYl diMluv.
DYE & OWENS
Transfer Line
rwvirle
JJ $hW&? and transfer work
Pray Pbona 04 Residence phone 3$ and Blue) f
Something New in Alliance
II. Thiele recently purchased a supply of the best Eczema
remedy on the market If you are afflicted, call and ask them
about Dry Zensal t or, the crusty, scaly skin and Moist Zensal
for all watery eruptions clean, odorless ointments for the two
distinct types of Eczema. , Here is your chance to get the re
lief you have been seeking.
What happens
after it lights ?
The fact that a match
lights only on a box
does not make it a
safe match..
Ynat happens
when it lights and
after it lights? That
is what counts. .
Does it "spark" or fly?
Does the head drop off?
Does the stick break?
A match that does any of
these things is dangerous.
You cannot afford to use it.
Safe Home Matches are
absolutely safe.
They light not only on the
box, but also on any or
dinary abrasive surface.
They burn evenly. They
are non-poisonous. When
you blow one out, it goes
out and it stays out there'
is no after-glow:
AH grocers. Five cents a box.
The Traveling Man
One night a Traveling Man dreamed
a dream, and dreaming dreamt
And atralght away to the pearly
gates hia sin-stained spirit hied
And there before the saints be stood
with downcast head and low.
My record's pretty rank he said, I
i gueBs I m bound below,
I've smoked a lot and drank a lot
confess it all I must:
I've flirted, too and then besides
oh,' gee, how I've cussed. ,
The good St. Peter looked at vhim
with kindly smiling eyes,
Dut shook his head don't ask, he
said, a mansion in the skies.
But let me aak some questions: Are
you a Traveling Man?
I am, replied the Traveler, and the
aged Saint began:
You've gotten up at 4 a. m. and
chased a train a mile; .
Only to find aa usual .your . train
leaves after while.
You've spent your time In bum ho
tels, and eaten still worse meals
With oleo and waiter girls all run
down at the heels. .
You've taken usome good customer
out and spent a ten or more,
And then he calmly said, I sent my
order in the day before.
You've had your mall go astray, your
trunks have wandered, too;
1 With porters, clerks and bell 'boys
you re in a. constant stew.
And once a year you see your folks,
pray tell me is that so?
It is, replied the Traveler, as he took
his hat to go.
The good St. Peter looked at him as
be opened the portals wide.
I'm very glad to meet you, sir; pray
kindly step inBide.
We'll try and make you happy here
we 11 do the best we can.
You've served your time in Hades for
you ve been a Traveling Man.
--The Sample Case.
in
iMHaiMHimu in vonans h ,v
A Scotch minister who had' gone
to Cladon, Canada,' front Scotland,
rendered the following prayer:,
O, Lord, we approach Thee this
morn in' in the attitude o' prayer,
and likewise o. complaint When we
cam tae this lan o Canady we ,ex.-
peckit tae fin' a lan flowinVwi'crailk
an' honey, but instead o' thst we
found a lan peopled wl' tttigodly
Irish. O, Lord, in Thy great mercy
drive them tae the uttermost palrts
o', Canady; mak them hewers o
wood an' drawers o water; gle them
nae emoluments; gle them nae place
o' obode; ne'er make them magis
trates, policemen or rulers , amang
Thy people; but if Ye hae any favors
tae bestow, or any guld lan tae gle
awa'. gle tae Thine ain. Thy peculiar
people, the. Scotch.' Mak' them a
members o' Parliament, an' magls
trates.'an' rulers -amang Thy people.
But, as for thae ungodly Irish, tak
them by the heels an' shake them
o'er the mooth o' hell, but dinna lat
them fa' In, and the glory shall be
Thine. AMEN.
" A Man Can
Sharpen a pencil. -Drive
a nail.
Take his sweetheart to the theatre
and never once leave her side.
Take the' same sweetheart to the
theatre a year after, when she has
become his wife, and go but between
every act. ,
Go to a ' baseball game and . howl
like a Comanche Indian from pure
enjoyment. . . -
Spend his last 1 5 for a good din
ner and consider it well spent. -
Wear a chrysanthemum the site
of a young cabbage and not feel con
spicuous.
Make more trouble over a slight
cold in the head than a woman would
If she had the typhoid, fever.
Wear loose, warm, comfortable
clothes In winter and thin, equally
sensible and comfortable clothes in
the summer..
Pay little or no attention to fash
ions and yet be always well dressed
Be generous and fair where - his
wife's relatives are concerned.
Admire other women and adore
his wife. . ,
Talk about the hard times to his
wife when sbe bints about a new
bonnet, and tells all his male friends
that he has not felt. the stringency in
the money market at all.
' A Fly and a Flea and a Flue
A fly and a flea in a flue
Were in prison, so what could they
.do? ,
Said the fly. "Let us flee."
"Let us fly," said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the
flue. . . . ;
In Milwaukee there Is one ward
that is full of breweries and Ger
mans. .In-a recent election a local
option: question was up. After the
election some Germans were count
ing the votes.
One German was calling off and
another taking' down the option
votes. The flrt German, running:
rapidly through the ballots, said:
Vet, vet. vet. vet. . . ." Sud
denly he stopped. "Mein Gott!" he
cried. "Dry!" . .,
Then he went on: "Vet, vet, vet,
vet . . . . " Presently be stoo
ped again and mopped his brow.
"Hlmmel!" he said. "Der son .of a
gun repeated!" ;
Liked the Ford Stories
A ladv in Illinois who rearU Th
Herald wrote us as' follows: "Dear
Lloyd. ' I hay lust mart th Vnrri
I stories in your column of funnineas.
They gave me the first real laugh
mai i nave naa lor a year. Thank
you so much."
A gentleman reader In Waahln?.
ton. D. C. writes and sends- the fol
lowing additional stories:
1. ' A tourist ram Into t Ti n Ktka
Club at Colorado Springs and said
the had seen fiva Fnrda lvlnr nn thl
I backs in the road between there and
t'ueolo.
"What was the matter with themf
somebody' asked.
Oh." he said, "moida mnn man
sprinkled insect powder in the road."
2. "Hurry up and . pass that
Ford," urged the wife of a tourist
crossing the plains in a big car.
wnais tne use! ' wearily retort-
To Protect' Live Stock from Fliea
- The problem of protecting live
atock, especially milch 'cowa and
work animals, from flies is almost
continuously before the farmer.
most of the repelling substances
wh-.ch might be named are of only
temporary value, as with practical!
all of them the flies begin biting
again within a very few hours after
application. This necessitates con
siderable expense for the ingredients
and (he application of the material
and with .many substances somo ' ill
effects are produced on the host by
tuelr continued a r Plication. A mix
ture of fish oil (1 gallon), oil cf tar
(2 cunces), oil of pennyroyal (
o'unces), and kerosene (H pint) ap
plied lightly to the parts most at
tacked by the flies will tend to keep
them off. '
Work animals may be largely pro
tected by placing blankets over -their
backs and trousers on their legs.
Dairy stock and horses when
barns may be protected by having
the barns screened and brushing the
flies off with burlap as the animals
are driven In, The Use of bodge fir
traps In a fsw of the windows will
also aid In the destruction of the flies
which endeavor to escape from or en
ter the barn. This flytrap is of slm
pie construction. When large num
bers of flies are within a barn the
catching of the flies may be facilitat
ed by darkening the windows which
are not fitted with traps. .
.1
ESI
.n
t4
ft 2.
44
7U
.Because of our unique organization we
are able to turn out superior job printing
only printers who are experts. Our plant,
the most completely equipped in western
r Nebraska, is in a. position to's turn, out' any
' size job "of r work on short notice. AVhy
r get unsatisfactory, shoddy printing done
whertiyou can get the kind; that satisfies
; for the right price, b Phone 34Q and w'e
will eaUV Mail order given prompt at
tention. . ; .Jr.. dtelBJ
Alliance, Nebraska
neraiu i uuiis
fin'- . . " !' ... 4-. -v :: ....-.-.i.-.:.vA. vsT..
.r.s(
v1 2yi;zi m-vm'Ut
Uaire You
A Long Head
For Figures?'
YOD want to keep down the run
lug expense of your car.
We can help you.. ,
; How? " , ' '
Buy your gasoline from us.
We'll save you many a dollar be
fore fsll comes.
We sell gnuollne. oil and grease at
lowest figures obtainable anywhere.
Our customers save money by buying their
gasoline from us. We positively sell at cheapest
figure. , Gasoline is of best quality. - - '
IK. I
REO
J. L. Nicolai, Prop.
116 Box Butte Ave. Livery Cars
TKLIA ON THE KIDXKYS
Alliance 1'eople'Iiave Found This, to
be True . . .
The atraln of overwork tells on
the weakened kidneys. The hurry
and worry of business men, the
neavy lifting anl stooping of work
men, the women's household cares,
tend to wear, weaken and Injure the
kidneys until they can no longer fil
ter the poljon from the blood and
the whole . nody suffers from the
waste matter . that accumulates.
Weakened kidneys need quick as
sistance. Doan's Kidney Pills are es
pecially prepared for weakened kid
neys; tired, worn-out backs "have
proven their merit In thousands of
cases. Below Is convincing proof
from this locality;
. Mrs. E. T. Lehman. Sidney, Nebr.,
Says: "For a long time 1-was trou
bled by pains' In the small of my
back.v Whenever I caught cold. It
settled In my kidneys and brought
on stiffness and lameness across my
loius. A few doses of Doan's Kidney
Pills removed the trouble and made
me feel like a different woman."
Price 50c, at all dealers. Don't
simply ask for a kidney remedy -get
Doan's Kidney Pills the same
that Mrs, Lehman had. Foster-Mil-burn
Co., Props.,-Buffalo, N. Y,
Rowan A Wright, coal, wood aad
posts. Phone 71.
America's and Europcfe
. A Ceo of tho Tclsphono
The city of Chicago has more Ulcphones thai
the entire country of France, Omaha more than
all of Spain, Minneapolis and St. Paul more
than all Italy, and Des Moines more than Greece '
and Portugal combined.
Wherever government ownership 1 of tele
phones has been tried the rates are higher and
the service poorer, ' and the number of tele
phones, per capita, lower, than under private
ownership in America. '
Here is the record of government ownership
in five leading countries of. Europe, and that of
private ownership in America: .
. -
- Telephones)
Country Operated by pr 100
,, Populatioa.
r . '
Wnited SUtea Private , 91
rtu any Government is
Oreat Britain Government is
gfjKium Govern rues t 0s
France Government 't .
Ausirla Governmeut H
HEBHASKA TELEPHONE COMPANY
it . .1
'on.:.'! .. -
