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About The monitor. (Omaha, Neb.) 1915-1928 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 20, 1919)
FOOLISH IDEAS SOME HAVE Old Fellow Righteously Indignant at Fastidiousness of the Guests of His Hotel. Capt. Lindsey Polk, director of a number of hotels, said recently tn New York: “European hotels, even the best of them, are Inferior to ours. While I was in Paris I saw an advertisement of a fashionable new hotel, and the boast the management made was that It was as good as the best American hotels. X was pleased with this trib ute." Captain Polk smiled. “Well,” he resumed, “our Ideals are high. No more hotel keepers like the old fellow who complained about his summer visitors: “ ‘You wouldn't believe the non sense that is in them. They is al ways wantin’ a clane tablecloth an’ clane sheets to their beds. An’ table napkins, no less! I’ll tell you what, there’s sure people in this world that think they can go Into a hotel an’ make a convaniance of It.’ ” OLD"SAYING SLIGHTLY MIXED Familiar “Before You Could Say Jack Robinson” Does Not Convey the Right Idea. Opinion differs as to the proper du ration of a social call. “Anywhere from ten minutes to a half hour,” says the woman who has a social secretary and whose dally job Is “calling,” to the tune of tea and wafers. “All after noon," says the bourgeoisie, who takes j along her knitting and sits down to coffee and cake. “And then,” say some, “It all depends upon the call. On some occasions and with different people we stay longer than others.” But Jack Robinson's calls never varied. He never stayed long enough to wear out his welcome. In fact hard ly had he been announced, hardly had the servant who admitted him spoken aloud his name than he was gone. So, as you see, “before you can say Jack Robinson" has no reference to the time it takes to say It. "As long as you can see Jack Robinson” would be more In order with its origin and significance. BEYOND POINT OF PERFECTION Porter's Description of Train Service Is Old, but Has Distinct Tinge of Humor. President Fairfax Harrison of the Alabama Great Southern railway, said at a luncheon In Richmond: “The old jokes about poor service on some of our southern and western railroads are antiquated. No trains in the world are more punctual today than our trains, and accidents are practically unknown. “The story about the porter and the late traveler." President Fairfax continued good hurnoredly. "is an old one. “A traveler, according to this story, Just missed a train on a certain southern line, notorious for its poor service, and got the following con solation from a porter: " ‘She’s the punctuallest train, sir, on the line and a great annoyance to travelers.’ ” See What He Started. Struck by the notice. “Iron sinks.” In a shop window a wag went Inside and said he was perfectly aware of the fact that “iron sank.” Alive to the occasion the smart ohop keeper retaliated: “Yes, and time flies, but wine vaults, sulphur springs, jam rolls, grass slopes, music stands, Niagara falls, moon light walks, sheep run. Kent hops and holiday trips, scandal spreads, stand ard weights, India rubber tires, the organ stops, the world goes round, trade returns, and—” But the visitor had bolted. After collecting his thoughts he returned and showing his head at the doorway, shouted: “Yes. I know, and marble busts.”—Irish World. Bride Runs Away. Some time ago I attended the wed ding of my cousin. It was a quiet af fair. the pastor coming to the home. When he was just about to pronounce them man and wife the bride began to cry and ran into the other room. The groom followed her saying: “Mary, he isn’t through yet.” Domestic Economy. Mr. Spendlt—We must be very ex travagant. Longsufferer tells me his market bills are half what ours are. His Wife—And did he also tell you his wife nags him at his meals till he gets mad and leaves the table? Then she serves what he leaves for his next meal. Piker. Footpad—Is this all the money you've got? Smith—Yes, but that's enough to send you to prison 1 Footpad—Here, take it back; It ain't enough to keep me out, that's cer tain ! Lost Opportunity. “It Is a pity those people who used to fast for weeks couldn’t get the public Interested in their theory.” “Why so?” “Because If the Idea had been taken up and practiced, the ultimate con sumer could be striking now.” Thinking of the Milliner's Bill. De Grim—When an ostrich Is sur prised he hides his head In the sand. De Grouch—I wish he’d everlasting ly hide his tail feathers there. JOURNLVINCiS. We are Journeying on through the weari some heat To a land that is fair as a dream. Where the fluttering snowflakes will fall ai our feet While the icicles glisten and gleam: To the land where the shadows bring si lence and sleep By the river all frozen and still: So a song we’ll sing and our courage we’ll keep And we’ll Journey along with a will. when we have come to the wonderful place. We will look through the window and see The pictures of silver the frost loves to trace With a touch so fantastic and free. The ferns flaunting fine and the flowers so fair Will bid us regretfully sigh— And we'll thankfully take up the Journey from there To return to the summertime sky. —Washington Evening Star GAMING UTENSILS FOR CLOCK Checkerboard, Dominoes, Dice and Card Characters Conspicuous in . This Odd Timepiece. The "fJnmester's Clock" would bp an appropriate name for a timepiece which appears to have been made with all the implements for Kamine that could be secured. A checkerboard furnishes it with a face, the numbers on which are made with dominoes of appropriate denomination. The min ute hand Is tipped with the ftirure of a “heart” and at Its short end ts a Novel Timekeeper. "club.” A "diamond" serves to point the hours for the hour hand, while a i “spade” forms the butt of this hand. The hands are fastened to the clock with dice, while the top is ornamented | with a row of tenpins and billiard balls. Over the top n row of short bii j Hard cues are crossed. No Fleas on Monkeys. Perhaps the most surprising Infor mation gathered with respect to fleas is that monkeys have no fleas. This is j an assertion that is commonly received with astonishment and incredulity, but, says Howard Russell, the fore most authority on (leas, healthy wild monkeys are much too clean and ac tive to harbor fleas, and when they are seen searching one another’s fur In a fashion familiar to all of us It Is only to clear their skin of any particles of scurf and dirt. It may be mentioned, too, that only j one instance Is on record where a flea was found on a reptile. This was on a brown snake which was captured near Perth, in West Australia, and which was probably derived from some small; mammal devoured by the snake. The (lea was firmly fixed between the scaly plates of the reptile. The history of the flea would seem J to go back many centuries, but the only fossil remains of a flea (hat have so far been found is a single insect in a bit of Baltic amber. The flea is nd mirably preserved by its seml-transpar ent surroundings. He Didn't. Part of the peace celebrations at Little Muchcombe was a shooting match for lads under seventeen. Al-1 though the Judge bud his doubts about j some of the competitors, be held his j peace. The prize finally lay between two! marksmen, and the excitement became Intense. A small boy of ten or so, who had j crowded close up to the barrier, sud-■ denly called out to one of the coin-1 petltors: “Good shot dad! A few more of j those and you’ll get the prize!”—Lon don Answers. Worth Trying. "What do you think of the plan to do away with pockets In man’s clothes ?” “I think It’s a good Idea,” replied the busy man. "It may be the means of curing some people of the habit [ of standing around with their hands: In their pockets and criticizing other | people who are at work.”—Birming ham Age-Herald. Answered. “You know,” said the lady whose motor car had run down a man, “you must have been walking very careless ly. I am a very careful driver. I have been driving a car for seven years.” "Lady, you’ve got nothing on me. I’ve been walking for 54 years.”—De troit Motor News. Dad’e Little Joke. “How do you like this necktie, sonT” "I wouldn’t wear It to a dog fight.” "I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ll buy It for myself. I’d like to have at least one tie of my own that you won't bo weariug when I want 1L” The Monitor’s Phone Number Is Douglas • 3224 i y J y.V.'.V.'.W.V.V.'AV.'.V.W.V.VA'.SV.WWASV/.VW.'.VA >Save Money on Your;! MEATS ;I Cut the High Cost of Living by Buying From Us. Below You.; I; Will Find a Few of Our Regular Prices ;! !; Picnic Hams, per lb 20c and 22c Sirloin Steak, per lb.25c, 30c, 35c £ !; Ham, per lb.23c, 25c and 28c Chuck Steak, per lb.18c and 20c «jj I; Bacon, per lb.. 30c, 32c, 35c, 40c Hamburger, per lb.15c ;I I; Joel Meat, per lb. 23c and 25c Pork Sausage, per lb.15c £ I* Veal Koast, per lb. 10c, 12'/jt, 15c Fresh Shoulders, per lb. .. 20c ;I i Veal Stew, per lb.8c, 10c, 12'/ic Neck Bones, per lb...8'/jc, 3 lbs. 25c ■I Veal Chops, per lb. 15c, 18c, 20c Butterine, per lb.. 30c, 35c, 40c, 45c ;. ; ;I Veal Steak, per lb. 20c and 25c Compound, per lb.. 28c; 2 lbs. 55c ;• |I Plate Beef, per lb. 8c and 10c Lard, per lb.35c; 3 lbs. SI.00 ;■ £ Short Ribs, per lb... 10c and 12'/jc We Deliver Any Order of $1.00 £ Pot Roast, per lb.12'/2 and 15c or Over. .; > Boiling Beef, per lb.. 12/2 and 15c All Prices subject to change. Ij [• Liver, per lb. .Vl'/l and 15c Compare Prices and quality. < I* Round Steak, per lb. 20c, 22c, 25c CAN 4 01 BEAT ’EM? ■; :■ 5 I; Dressed and Live Poultry at All Times. Special Low Prices on .; I; Pork Products Every Saturday. ;I j A. Holm Market | ■I With Minkin’s Grocery I; 2111-16 North 24th St. Tel. Webster 515 'IV.’.V.V.V.V.VAV.V.'.V.VVA’.V/AV.V.V.V.V.V.’.V.WAV! ..tlimillll Lt f Good Opportunity Right Man f | Three furnished rooms, combined with Pantorium and | | Shining Parlor in St. Paul, Neb. Only establishment of its | E kind in Howard County. E | For Sale for $1,000 | E Owner compelled to give up business on account of = E bad health. E E Write | E. R. LOFTIS | Box P, St. Paul, Neb. = Phone Number Black 252 a iiiiiiiillliiiniiiiiiuiiiimiiilliiiliiiiiiHiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiituiilliiiiillliiillir ALHAMBRA GROCERY & MEAT-CO. PRAMER BROS., Mgrs. One Door South of Alhambra Theater Everything to Eat Cleanliness ;ind Courtesy Our Motto TRY US f COLUMBIA STUDIO I NEW NEGRO ENTERPRISE JUST OPENED UP 2422 Lake Street First class colored photographer. Fine photographing | \ and residence views at any time day or night. WILLIAMS, PHOTOGRAPHER Phone Webster 765. /—. 1 11 . OSBORNE STORE 2506 North 24th Street. Webster 1412 Women’s Hats, clearing sale.$1.00 Women’s White Hose, on sale, pair.25c Boys’ Shoes, broken sizes, pair..$1.98 Outing Flannel, on sale, yard.29c -_> k aassssES« a u «team® k sswsBKDssBiaK I HOT CHILI! HOT COFFEE | « Yum, Yum Delicious 5 W Gregory's | Kandy Kitchen and Luncheonette 1508 North 21th Street Webster 267 I e 1 H : ;; K Home Made Candies. Ice Cream Sodas g y P aBBBBBRSEKMKWWOCK»X g» * '«•« s >< xxhswmx VX* Wi< » »'« «two* m fa) «Xo:«Wm>^v,>,>*H**>v'>v,>‘X‘‘>vv*>^v*>,X‘vv%‘v,!,v,X*v4X’‘X‘vv’!,*XmX"X*vv The Monarch Cafe 'f IS NOW OPEN TO THE PUBLIC § | YOUR PATRONAGE IS SOLICITED £ See us and arrange your special parties of any number, g •; Well cooked, wholesome food. We make a specialty of home- Y ?• made pies. Y X SPECIAL SUNDAY DINNERS .< | Chicken Dinner, 50c. Roast Pork and Sweet Potatoes, 50c. V Roast Beef Dinner, 40c. Baby Catfish. 40c. ;j; £ With the above dinners you. get— •}• [j; Chicken Soup. Creamed Potatoes. !j! •• June Peas Combination. Salad and Coffee, v- : % Can you beat it? I should say not! j CARNER &. TRIMBLE, Props. I * 107 South 1 1th Street. Phone Tyler 4119 -j /„XmxK'':*‘Xm/*XmXmX«XmX<‘X*‘Xm:i*X‘v*X‘‘X*‘:‘‘:»x«:»:»:**:»:«>x»!m!‘‘Vv«|^x MAGIC HAIR GROWER! AND STRAIGHTENING OIL _ . ■ - ■ ■ » I ■ 4 MME. JOHNSON AND SOUTH The most wonderful hair preparation on the market. When we say Magic we do not exaggerate, as you can see great re sults in the first few treatments. We guarantee Magic Hair I Grower to stop the hair atonce from falling out and breaking off; making harsh, stubborn hair soft and silky. Magic Hair Grower grows hair on bald places of the head. If you use I these preparations once you will never be without them. MagicHair Grower and Straightening Oil are manufactured by Mesdames South and Johnson. We also do scalp treating. I Magic Hair Grower, 50c. Straightening Oil, 35c. , Allorders promptly filled; send 10c for postage. Money must accompany all orders, J Agents wanted—Write for particulars. J Wecarry everything in the latest fashion- I able hair goods at the lowest prices. We make switches, puffs, transforms- * tion curls, coronet braids, and combings J made to order, matching all shades a | specialty. Send samples of hair with ■ all orders. 2416 BlondoSt., Omaha, Neb. i Telephone Webster 880 J .: - i «