FOOLISH IDEAS SOME HAVE
Old Fellow Righteously Indignant at
Fastidiousness of the Guests
of His Hotel.
Capt. Lindsey Polk, director of a
number of hotels, said recently tn
New York:
“European hotels, even the best of
them, are Inferior to ours. While I
was in Paris I saw an advertisement
of a fashionable new hotel, and the
boast the management made was that
It was as good as the best American
hotels. X was pleased with this trib
ute."
Captain Polk smiled.
“Well,” he resumed, “our Ideals are
high. No more hotel keepers like the
old fellow who complained about his
summer visitors:
“ ‘You wouldn't believe the non
sense that is in them. They is al
ways wantin’ a clane tablecloth an’
clane sheets to their beds. An’ table
napkins, no less! I’ll tell you what,
there’s sure people in this world that
think they can go Into a hotel an’
make a convaniance of It.’ ”
OLD"SAYING SLIGHTLY MIXED
Familiar “Before You Could Say Jack
Robinson” Does Not Convey
the Right Idea.
Opinion differs as to the proper du
ration of a social call. “Anywhere
from ten minutes to a half hour,” says
the woman who has a social secretary
and whose dally job Is “calling,” to the
tune of tea and wafers. “All after
noon," says the bourgeoisie, who takes j
along her knitting and sits down to
coffee and cake. “And then,” say
some, “It all depends upon the call.
On some occasions and with different
people we stay longer than others.”
But Jack Robinson's calls never
varied. He never stayed long enough
to wear out his welcome. In fact hard
ly had he been announced, hardly had
the servant who admitted him spoken
aloud his name than he was gone.
So, as you see, “before you can say
Jack Robinson" has no reference to
the time it takes to say It. "As long
as you can see Jack Robinson” would
be more In order with its origin and
significance.
BEYOND POINT OF PERFECTION
Porter's Description of Train Service
Is Old, but Has Distinct Tinge
of Humor.
President Fairfax Harrison of the
Alabama Great Southern railway,
said at a luncheon In Richmond:
“The old jokes about poor service
on some of our southern and western
railroads are antiquated. No trains
in the world are more punctual today
than our trains, and accidents are
practically unknown.
“The story about the porter and
the late traveler." President Fairfax
continued good hurnoredly. "is an old
one.
“A traveler, according to this story,
Just missed a train on a certain
southern line, notorious for its poor
service, and got the following con
solation from a porter:
" ‘She’s the punctuallest train, sir,
on the line and a great annoyance to
travelers.’ ”
See What He Started.
Struck by the notice. “Iron sinks.”
In a shop window a wag went Inside
and said he was perfectly aware of
the fact that “iron sank.”
Alive to the occasion the smart ohop
keeper retaliated:
“Yes, and time flies, but wine vaults,
sulphur springs, jam rolls, grass slopes,
music stands, Niagara falls, moon
light walks, sheep run. Kent hops and
holiday trips, scandal spreads, stand
ard weights, India rubber tires, the
organ stops, the world goes round,
trade returns, and—”
But the visitor had bolted. After
collecting his thoughts he returned
and showing his head at the doorway,
shouted: “Yes. I know, and marble
busts.”—Irish World.
Bride Runs Away.
Some time ago I attended the wed
ding of my cousin. It was a quiet af
fair. the pastor coming to the home.
When he was just about to pronounce
them man and wife the bride began
to cry and ran into the other room.
The groom followed her saying:
“Mary, he isn’t through yet.”
Domestic Economy.
Mr. Spendlt—We must be very ex
travagant. Longsufferer tells me his
market bills are half what ours are.
His Wife—And did he also tell you
his wife nags him at his meals till
he gets mad and leaves the table?
Then she serves what he leaves for
his next meal.
Piker.
Footpad—Is this all the money
you've got?
Smith—Yes, but that's enough to
send you to prison 1
Footpad—Here, take it back; It
ain't enough to keep me out, that's cer
tain !
Lost Opportunity.
“It Is a pity those people who used
to fast for weeks couldn’t get the
public Interested in their theory.”
“Why so?”
“Because If the Idea had been taken
up and practiced, the ultimate con
sumer could be striking now.”
Thinking of the Milliner's Bill.
De Grim—When an ostrich Is sur
prised he hides his head In the sand.
De Grouch—I wish he’d everlasting
ly hide his tail feathers there.
JOURNLVINCiS.
We are Journeying on through the weari
some heat
To a land that is fair as a dream.
Where the fluttering snowflakes will fall
ai our feet
While the icicles glisten and gleam:
To the land where the shadows bring si
lence and sleep
By the river all frozen and still:
So a song we’ll sing and our courage
we’ll keep
And we’ll Journey along with a will.
when we have come to the wonderful
place.
We will look through the window and
see
The pictures of silver the frost loves to
trace
With a touch so fantastic and free.
The ferns flaunting fine and the flowers
so fair
Will bid us regretfully sigh—
And we'll thankfully take up the Journey
from there
To return to the summertime sky.
—Washington Evening Star
GAMING UTENSILS FOR CLOCK
Checkerboard, Dominoes, Dice and
Card Characters Conspicuous in
. This Odd Timepiece.
The "fJnmester's Clock" would bp
an appropriate name for a timepiece
which appears to have been made with
all the implements for Kamine that
could be secured. A checkerboard
furnishes it with a face, the numbers
on which are made with dominoes of
appropriate denomination. The min
ute hand Is tipped with the ftirure of
a “heart” and at Its short end ts a
Novel Timekeeper.
"club.” A "diamond" serves to point
the hours for the hour hand, while a i
“spade” forms the butt of this hand.
The hands are fastened to the clock
with dice, while the top is ornamented |
with a row of tenpins and billiard
balls. Over the top n row of short bii j
Hard cues are crossed.
No Fleas on Monkeys.
Perhaps the most surprising Infor
mation gathered with respect to fleas
is that monkeys have no fleas. This is j
an assertion that is commonly received
with astonishment and incredulity,
but, says Howard Russell, the fore
most authority on (leas, healthy wild
monkeys are much too clean and ac
tive to harbor fleas, and when they are
seen searching one another’s fur In a
fashion familiar to all of us It Is only
to clear their skin of any particles of
scurf and dirt.
It may be mentioned, too, that only j
one instance Is on record where a flea
was found on a reptile. This was on a
brown snake which was captured near
Perth, in West Australia, and which
was probably derived from some small;
mammal devoured by the snake. The
(lea was firmly fixed between the scaly
plates of the reptile.
The history of the flea would seem J
to go back many centuries, but the
only fossil remains of a flea (hat have
so far been found is a single insect in
a bit of Baltic amber. The flea is nd
mirably preserved by its seml-transpar
ent surroundings.
He Didn't.
Part of the peace celebrations at
Little Muchcombe was a shooting
match for lads under seventeen. Al-1
though the Judge bud his doubts about j
some of the competitors, be held his j
peace.
The prize finally lay between two!
marksmen, and the excitement became
Intense.
A small boy of ten or so, who had j
crowded close up to the barrier, sud-■
denly called out to one of the coin-1
petltors:
“Good shot dad! A few more of j
those and you’ll get the prize!”—Lon
don Answers.
Worth Trying.
"What do you think of the plan to
do away with pockets In man’s
clothes ?”
“I think It’s a good Idea,” replied
the busy man. "It may be the means
of curing some people of the habit
[ of standing around with their hands:
In their pockets and criticizing other |
people who are at work.”—Birming
ham Age-Herald.
Answered.
“You know,” said the lady whose
motor car had run down a man, “you
must have been walking very careless
ly. I am a very careful driver. I
have been driving a car for seven
years.”
"Lady, you’ve got nothing on me.
I’ve been walking for 54 years.”—De
troit Motor News.
Dad’e Little Joke.
“How do you like this necktie, sonT”
"I wouldn’t wear It to a dog fight.”
"I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ll
buy It for myself. I’d like to have at
least one tie of my own that you won't
bo weariug when I want 1L”
The
Monitor’s
Phone
Number
Is
Douglas
• 3224 i
y
J
y.V.'.V.'.W.V.V.'AV.'.V.W.V.VA'.SV.WWASV/.VW.'.VA
>Save Money on Your;!
MEATS
;I Cut the High Cost of Living by Buying From Us. Below You.;
I; Will Find a Few of Our Regular Prices ;!
!; Picnic Hams, per lb 20c and 22c Sirloin Steak, per lb.25c, 30c, 35c £
!; Ham, per lb.23c, 25c and 28c Chuck Steak, per lb.18c and 20c «jj
I; Bacon, per lb.. 30c, 32c, 35c, 40c Hamburger, per lb.15c ;I
I; Joel Meat, per lb. 23c and 25c Pork Sausage, per lb.15c £
I* Veal Koast, per lb. 10c, 12'/jt, 15c Fresh Shoulders, per lb. .. 20c ;I
i Veal Stew, per lb.8c, 10c, 12'/ic Neck Bones, per lb...8'/jc, 3 lbs. 25c
■I Veal Chops, per lb. 15c, 18c, 20c Butterine, per lb.. 30c, 35c, 40c, 45c ;. ;
;I Veal Steak, per lb. 20c and 25c Compound, per lb.. 28c; 2 lbs. 55c ;•
|I Plate Beef, per lb. 8c and 10c Lard, per lb.35c; 3 lbs. SI.00 ;■
£ Short Ribs, per lb... 10c and 12'/jc We Deliver Any Order of $1.00 £
Pot Roast, per lb.12'/2 and 15c or Over. .;
> Boiling Beef, per lb.. 12/2 and 15c All Prices subject to change. Ij
[• Liver, per lb. .Vl'/l and 15c Compare Prices and quality. <
I* Round Steak, per lb. 20c, 22c, 25c CAN 4 01 BEAT ’EM? ■;
:■ 5
I; Dressed and Live Poultry at All Times. Special Low Prices on .;
I; Pork Products Every Saturday. ;I
j A. Holm Market |
■I With Minkin’s Grocery I;
2111-16 North 24th St. Tel. Webster 515
'IV.’.V.V.V.V.VAV.V.'.V.VVA’.V/AV.V.V.V.V.V.’.V.WAV!
..tlimillll Lt
f Good Opportunity Right Man f
| Three furnished rooms, combined with Pantorium and |
| Shining Parlor in St. Paul, Neb. Only establishment of its |
E kind in Howard County. E
| For Sale for $1,000 |
E Owner compelled to give up business on account of =
E bad health. E
E Write
| E. R. LOFTIS |
Box P, St. Paul, Neb. =
Phone Number Black 252
a iiiiiiiillliiiniiiiiiuiiiimiiilliiiliiiiiiHiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiituiilliiiiillliiillir
ALHAMBRA GROCERY & MEAT-CO.
PRAMER BROS., Mgrs.
One Door South of Alhambra Theater
Everything to Eat
Cleanliness ;ind Courtesy Our Motto
TRY US
f COLUMBIA STUDIO I
NEW NEGRO ENTERPRISE JUST OPENED UP
2422 Lake Street
First class colored photographer. Fine photographing |
\ and residence views at any time day or night.
WILLIAMS, PHOTOGRAPHER
Phone Webster 765.
/—. 1 11 .
OSBORNE STORE
2506 North 24th Street. Webster 1412
Women’s Hats, clearing sale.$1.00
Women’s White Hose, on sale, pair.25c
Boys’ Shoes, broken sizes, pair..$1.98
Outing Flannel, on sale, yard.29c
-_>
k aassssES« a u «team® k sswsBKDssBiaK
I HOT CHILI! HOT COFFEE |
« Yum, Yum Delicious
5 W
Gregory's |
Kandy Kitchen
and
Luncheonette
1508 North 21th Street
Webster 267
I e
1 H
: ;;
K Home Made Candies. Ice Cream Sodas g
y P
aBBBBBRSEKMKWWOCK»X g» * '«•« s >< xxhswmx VX* Wi< » »'« «two* m fa)
«Xo:«Wm>^v,>,>*H**>v'>v,>‘X‘‘>vv*>^v*>,X‘vv%‘v,!,v,X*v4X’‘X‘vv’!,*XmX"X*vv
The Monarch Cafe 'f
IS NOW OPEN TO THE PUBLIC §
| YOUR PATRONAGE IS SOLICITED
£ See us and arrange your special parties of any number, g
•; Well cooked, wholesome food. We make a specialty of home- Y
?• made pies. Y
X SPECIAL SUNDAY DINNERS .<
| Chicken Dinner, 50c. Roast Pork and Sweet Potatoes, 50c. V
Roast Beef Dinner, 40c. Baby Catfish. 40c. ;j;
£ With the above dinners you. get— •}•
[j; Chicken Soup. Creamed Potatoes. !j!
•• June Peas Combination. Salad and Coffee,
v- :
% Can you beat it? I should say not! j
CARNER &. TRIMBLE, Props. I
* 107 South 1 1th Street. Phone Tyler 4119 -j
/„XmxK'':*‘Xm/*XmXmX«XmX<‘X*‘Xm:i*X‘v*X‘‘X*‘:‘‘:»x«:»:»:**:»:«>x»!m!‘‘Vv«|^x
MAGIC HAIR GROWER!
AND STRAIGHTENING OIL
_ . ■ - ■ ■ » I
■ 4
MME. JOHNSON AND SOUTH
The most wonderful hair preparation on the market. When
we say Magic we do not exaggerate, as you can see great re
sults in the first few treatments. We guarantee Magic Hair I
Grower to stop the hair atonce from falling out and breaking
off; making harsh, stubborn hair soft and silky. Magic Hair
Grower grows hair on bald places of the head. If you use I
these preparations once you will never be without them.
MagicHair Grower and Straightening Oil are manufactured
by Mesdames South and Johnson. We also do scalp treating. I
Magic Hair Grower, 50c. Straightening Oil, 35c. ,
Allorders promptly filled; send 10c for postage. Money must accompany all orders, J
Agents wanted—Write for particulars. J
Wecarry everything in the latest fashion- I
able hair goods at the lowest prices.
We make switches, puffs, transforms- *
tion curls, coronet braids, and combings J
made to order, matching all shades a |
specialty. Send samples of hair with ■
all orders.
2416 BlondoSt., Omaha, Neb. i
Telephone Webster 880 J
.: -
i
«
