The Norfolk weekly news. (Norfolk, Neb.) 1888-1900, October 11, 1900, Page 8, Image 8

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Sim Itrvnkril lie Ilulo
Homo tltm up llic czaiiuu a very
pltlliuilliroplc anil rolltloiiH woniau
niiitlc up tier tiilntl tlmt tltu luvlsh use
of tobacco In IIuhhIu wan ilolujr harm
Klto tlicruiiiion prolilbltetl tlio uso of
tliu woliI iintl ospoelally of cigarettes
In tlio court
A few ilaya paBscii and Iter linpcrlnl
majesty needed Boine money It did
not come even after oho ltail Rent n
conlldeiitlal Horvant to tho trcasiirj
At laat In place of money came a
white bearded old man from that In
utltutlon with pleasant voice and at
tractive address
There must be a mistake your Im
perial majesty Two weeks ago you
prohibited the use of tobacco In tho
court and so groat Is your Influence
and so deep the love for you among tho
people that the sales of the weed drop
ped down to a fraction of what for
merly was the case aud tho Internal
revenue receipts became less than he
expenses The government appreciat
ed your high mitnlllcenco because un
der the law of the hind your Income
Is charged against the tobacco tax of
this district and It was supposed that
you hud concluded to give up your
wealth In order to carry out your
Views upon reform
The following week bo tho story
goes the rule was relaxed and the
czarinas sudden poverty vanished ns
If by magic Saturday Evening Post
Blade to Fori nt Home
One of the old time southern negroes
went to Hoston to make his fortune
After a week of walking up and down
ho found himself penniless and no
work In sight Then be went from
house to house Kf you pleaso suit
he began when his ring at the front
door was answered cant you give n
po cullud man work ter do or somepln
ter eat
And the polite nnswer Invariably was
No mister very sorry but have noth
ing for you
Every one who answered his ring ad
dressed him as Mr but shut their
doors and hearts against him
Finally he rang tho bell nt n brown
stone front A gentleman appeared
and the old man began
Hoss I Is starvln Cant you glmmo
Eotno vlttles
You darned black kinky headed
rascal exclaimed tho gentleman
How dare you ring the bell at my
front door Clo round the back yard
way to the Kitchen and tho cookll give
you something you black
Hut Just there tho old man fell on his
knees exclaiming
Thank do Lawd I foun my own
white folks nt las Thank do Lawd I
foun em 1 done fouu em Atlanta
Constitution -
PolltpntMB Wanted
A guileless rustle who wished to be
come nttached to one of our railways
emerged from tho examination rooin
and informed the expectant relatives
that ho had failed to pass tho sight
test
Why you cant have exclaimed
tho father who was horrified nt tho
thought Youre no moro color blind
than I am
Happen not but they wont havo
mo answered tlio niHtlc bitterly It
nil comes o trying to bo polite nn
obliging as you said I waa to be fey
ther
But I cant see how being pollto
could umko any difference quavered
tho father
It did though said Ute rustic
Tho old chap held something up nn
gays This is green Isnt it Come
now Isnt It green quite pleading
like and though I could seo It wor
red I couldut find It lu my art to toll
him ho wor wrong for fear ho might
take offense So I simply said It Is
yer honor an they bundled mo out
No more politeness for me It dont
pay London Answers
MarrluK For SI oner
A decrepit old negresa with n de
formed back and a few discolored
fangs In tho place of teeth called one
day upon a geuUeman who had boon
her employer and announced MIstah
Ise gwlno ter git mcrrted
Gtt married auntie exclaimed the
man Why Im surprised Isnt the
change a little sudden
Yes tolable sudden but bettah late
than nebber
Oh well answered tho friend po
litely a lady Is never too old to mar
ry I suppose If she falls In lovo
But Izo not fallen In lub
Going to marry for money sar
castically
Yes sah dat am do solemn troof
Its money Ise gaged ter Billy
Jones
Why Billys only 25 and you must
be 45
Yes sah dats so but Ize now pay
In Billy fifty dollahs a yeah for rent
nn Tn trwrlno tor mnrrr lim i
dat ermouut Atlanta Constitution
TWO TIGHT COMERS
EXCITING CHAPTERS IN THE LIFE OF
A POLICE CAPTAIN
A llnrd StriiKKle 1nr Ilfe
Hlalunrt rxnil u
With n
Knrrnw
Kacnpr Prom Dentil nt tlio Ilunila of
nn Armed 51 a nine
Yes we have to deal with some
qucur people and some dangerous peo
ple Fiild a police captain and I must
say but not boastfully that we now
and then have to use Judgment that
Is at once quirk and reliable I re
member several years ago wo had a
highwayman lu tho station house who
had shot a man an 3 robbed him lie
was a dangerous criminal nnd a
mighty powerful man and he was In
a good position to go down for life or
bu executed for his victim wns at tho
point of death One night ho asked
that I be sent to his cell I had arrest
ed him and had tried to get a confes
sion from litm but all my efforts had
been vain lie hud taken a violent
dislike to me aud he had laughed at
all my endeavors Tho deduction I
made when I heard he wished to Bee
mo was that he had changed his mind
and Intended to confess so 1 went to
the cellroom and talked with him
Captain said he In a confiding
way I want you to come In hero nnd
flit down This secret Is making a
wreck of me and I want to tell you
everything
lie seemed quite penitent nnd with
out any hesitation I opened tho cell
door and sat down on tho bench beside
him
Is Mr going to die was hla
first question
The doctor says he ennnot live I
replied
Then the dinners for my going to
tho chair are better than good asked
he
I replied that they were The pris
oner lapsed apparently Into deep modi
tatlon and while the spoil was upon
him ho paced up nnd down tho cell
Suddenly be slammed the door of tho
cell placed himself before mo and said
In n rather fearsome voice
Ive finished one and If I do t5vo I
can get nothing worse than the chair
Saying which he leaped at me lead
ing out a powerful blow as ho did so
I was of course up and ready for
him and had a billy In my hand He
had nothing but his big lists feet nnd
teeth nny of which he was ready and
anxious to um but he was twlco i
match for me even up I dont know
how I did It If he had got the best of
mo Just for a second I would havo
been pounded to death there Is no
doubt of that I rapped him on the
betid time aud time again with my
billy felt his blood flying over me
heard him snarl and also felt the im
print of his powerful lists It took me
five minutes to lay him out aud I
must say that 1 never spent five busier
minutes in my life Oh hes lu prison
now Hes doing 120 years
I remember another little experi
ence I had that is not easy to forget
I was sitting In my private otllce one
afternoon when a well built stylishly
clad young man entered bowed pleas
nntly and sat down on the edge of tho
sofa
I never was down In this part of
tho city before ho said and being
here 1 thought Id stop In and visit
with you
Thats right I rejoined Im al
ways glad to receive callers
I looked closely at tho man I
couldnt place him at nil It seemc
that I had seen him some place too
He wns about 30 years old was stal
wart and had an attractive face that
bore slight traces of dissipation
Beg pardou my friend said I
but I really cant Just place you I
know weve met but where
No we havent met before I
never saw you before today In my life
Im from Baltimore Ivo heard of you
a lot of times
Tho dialogue lagged for a few mo
ments and In that tlmo I scrutinized
the stranger Ho mystified mo In a
small degree and I wns Interested In
him lie broke tho silence
Say captain Ivo got something
very Important to seo j ou about Ill
Just close this door and Its Just as well
that no one knows what wo do or say
Now I wish first to Impress you with
tho Importance of this mooting It Is
the most momentous occasion of my
life nnd on Its success or failure de
pends my future Captain the stran
ger leaned over and whispered In my
ear Im going to cut your throat
I was sitting with my profllo to tho
Btranger and ho was leaning toward
me Casting my eyes sldewlse I saw
that ho helu an opened razor In hit
right hand I did not inovo Immedi
ately
So youre going to cut my throat
I said quietly turning part way
around
Yes captain I havo been com
manded by Jod to do so Im sorry
but It must bo done Get ready
Thats ail right my friend Im
perfectly willing you shall carry out
your mission but to tell tho truth I
hate to got blood all over my furniture
here It wouldnt be nice to dirty up
the office would It Suppose we go In
tho back room
Thatll d Come on rejoined the
maniac quickly
I got up Tho maniacs back was
toward me With ono bound I had
my arms shout his waist and his arms
pinned to his side I then called for
help and two officers rushed Into my
otflco It took four big men to put that
maniac In a cell Hes In nn asylum
now Buffalo Express
A wedding ring should fit Uie finger
If It Is too large It 19 a Bign of shal
lowness of purpose If too tight It
suggests that the union pinches some
how A perfect fltUng ring Is sym
bolic of a perfect harmonious union
A DIPLOMATIC LIBRARIAN
lie Ilenaeil lie Inllt lelan Wltlmnt
ililiiU III Irleiul u lonltlon
When Mr Putnam was the head of
the Public library In Boston a ward
leader of Unit city called on hint to rec
ommend a henchman for a place In tho
library
Thuro was no reason why the llbrn
rinn should not hnve refused nt once
nnd peremptorily to appoint htm but
hu chose to follow another course
After n few minutes talk with tho
politician Mr Putnam asked him
whether ho had ever been through all
the departments of the Institution
I never have but Id like to seo It
replied the politician
It will give tne much pleasure to go
with you bald Mr Putnam
Mr Putnam took him behind tho
counters and through tho building
from top to bottom explaining tho
character and the magnitude of tho
work In detail lie further pointed out
without seeming to do so the varied
duties of the employees nnd the attain
ments they must possess to do tho
work When tho tour was ended Mr
Putnam said
Im pleased to hnve had n chanco
to show the library to you and If your
friend will fill out nn application blank
nnd Bend It nnd If he passes the neces
sary examination I think thero will
bo no difficulty In placing his name on
tho waiting list
Tho polltlclnn however hnd soon
enough of library work to convlnco
him that his constituent could find no
plnco on tho stair nnd Uie blank was
never filled out But to Uie day ho left
Boston Mr Putnam had no warmer ad
mirer In that city than this same ward
leader Colliers Weekly
HOW TO LIKE WAGNER
Scenlo AceeBKorlen Arc rfeccminiT to
ii Perfect Kenllcutlon
The strict Waguerlte refuses to hear
the music of bis favorite composer In
Uie concert room It was never Intend
ed he will tell you to be performed by
Itholf but to be played ns an accompa
niment to the action for the purpose
of heightening the effect of the intense
ly dramatic situations coupled with
gorgeous stngo pictures that are In
separable from Wagners famous art
work
The most Important part of a Wag
ner opera according to tho composer
himself Is not tho music but the
drama which Indeed the beginner
should closely follow with the aid of
the book of words since the music is
usually sung In German words
The Intending Wnguerite should also
begin with tho masters most popular
works Tannhauser and Lohengrin
He will then at once recognize the fa
miliar music he has already heard so
often nt concerts and struck by Its
beauties he will attend many perform
ances of these two Next year ho will
want to hear these again supplement
ed by Tristan und Isolde that won
derful music drama so charged with
intense emotion nnd passion Having
heard Tristan and liked It he there
upon becomes n full fledged Wagnerito
In the true sense und Uie season after
ho attends performances of the Ring
der Nibelungen or he mny make a
supreme effort to get to Baireuth
From Balreuth he returns tho ardent
disciple of a musician whose name he
terrifies his friends by pronouncing In
the German fashion not Wagner but
Vaachkuer London Mall
Mexican letter Writers
Perhnps thero is no more character
istic sight In Mexico than the so cnlled
evnngellstas who ply their trade In
tho Plnzuehi do Belem and the Plazuo
la of Santo Domingo Those who oper
ate In the former spot make a specialty
of writing letters to tho Inmates of the
prison for their Illiterate relatives on
the outside but the evangellstns who
may be seen nny day In the Plazuela of
Santo Domingo do a genernl business
They write love letters blackmailing
letters nnd all sorts of letters for thoBO
who do not know how to write at n
rate of 3 C 0 or more cents according
to tho length of tho missive They
also undertake without extra chnrge to
write the address on Uie envelopo and
to attach tho required stamp but for
tho lntter they make an extra charge
of a cent It Is hardly necessary to
state that only very lgnornnt people
who nre totully unncqualnted even
with Uie simple formalities of mailing
a letter In addition to not knowing
how to write have recourse to tho
evangellstas for stamps Mexican
Herald
nil Seen Them All Before
Once whllo Jumes Whltcomb Riley
was visiting n southern town where ho
was booked to give a reading a com
mittee called to take him in a carrlago
over tho city In acknowledging tho
compliment he said
Ill go with you genUemen provid
ed you promise that you will not show
me the new courthouse the new town
hall tho new bridge tho new gas well
the now school building and tho new
Jail for Ive seen them all a hundred
times In as many towns and they In
variably wear mo out before Uie tlmo
arrives for the curtain to rise on the
evening entertainment Atlanta Con
sUtutlon
A rinlabed Speech
Miss A When Im asked to sing I
dont say No I cant sing nor wait
to bo coaxed but sit right down at tho
piano and
Miss B Leave the company to find
it out for themselves Philadelphia
BnlleUn
The Goat Didnt Knovr
Oh my dear daughter to a Httl
girl of 0 you should not be frighten
ed nnd run from tho goat Dont yoa
know you aro a Christian SclenUst
But mamma excitedly the billy
goat doesnt know It Trained Moth
erhood
INSPIRED BY DREAMS
TRIUMPHS OF THE BRAIN ASLEEP
OVER THE BRAIN AWAKE
Drnmntlo Achievement Thnt Ovrc
Tlielr Ilclntr to the Stj atcrtou
AVorklfiRN of tlic Mind Under the
Subtle Inflncncc of Slnmlirr
There ore numerous authentic cases
In which Inspired by n dream a per
son has achieved In sleep something
thnt he had utterly failed over when
awake ami certainly more than ono
where nn artistic triumph has resulted
No doubt too there havo boon In
stances of the kind where the mystery
of such an achievement has remained
nn Irritating problem ns very nearly
happened In respect to nn artist whose
pictures sold well and whoso genius
for color comblnaUons was considered
as astonishing ns his output
The painter used to tell the creepy
story of how going into his studio aft
er breakfast ho would often stand
spellbound nt the fact that soma super
natural double had boon hard at
work upon his canvas during tho night
more tliau once obtaining cleverly an
effect In scheme or coloring that he had
strained after for days In vain Here
was something to make the strongest
brain reel
As It continued nt Intervals after ho
had tried locking tho studio door and
placing the key under his pillow the
effect can be better Imagined thnn de
scribed and It was only a chance acci
dent that at length burst the bubble
He got up one morning to find his
dressing gown streaked with a dry car
mine pigment and fragments of the
same material lay strewn about his
easel below Impelled by a dream he
had gone down there In tho night tc
paint trodden upon the pigment and
nutomatoullke picked up the pieces be
fore retiring again Aud precisely the
same thing Is known to havo happened
to a well known worker In mosaics
some years ago nis mind continued
to work out schemes nfter his body
had struck and he would proceed to
his workroom nnd arrange designs the
effect of which simply stupefied him
next morning
At least one enduring piece of music
owes Its Inspiration and production to
a dream In tho same dramatic way
Tho singular distinction In fact is
claimed for several It occurs at the
end of a fatuous Russian opera For
weeks the composer had struggled with
his finale and had all but given It up
In despair The spirit of a certain
theme danced vaguely through his
overworked brain but always eluded
him when he went to sot It down for
tho orchestra
One night ns ho lay asleep It came
to him grandly definite Ho dreamed
that It was an accomplished fact on
paper Events showed that ho must
have gone down stairs played It tri
umphantly over on his organ several
times and then written down the
chords that had caused him so much
anxiety Next morning the score sheets
were found neatly dotted and the finale
a groat success but although bis wife
had heard the organ going nnd even
remembered the tune played the com
poser himself could only recollect tho
dream Itself and was absolutely at a
loss to account for the position In
which he was found fast nsleop over
the keys The brain hnd succumbed
Immediately tho dream inspiration had
taken n practical shape
Equally dramatic again Is the sto
ry often told of a struggling musi
cian who hnd written a song which he
could not induce nny music publisher
to risk publishing The fact had prey
ed on his mind One night he dreamed
that he had written a pathetic letter to
a popular singer Inclosed It with his
scorned masterpiece walked all tho
way to the vocalists house at Hemp
stead und pushed his envelope through
the letter silt there He recollected lit
tle of it next morning not having oc
casion to miss bis manuscript and
stoutly denied his landlords assertion
that bo hnd left his bedroom and gone
for a nocturnal stroll Shortly after
ward however ho was astonished at
receiving a check and a ticket for a
concert and then especially when he
heard his own song rendered nt tho
concert It nl Hashed back to him He
had unconsciously acted upon his
dream owed his stroke of luck purely
to a somnambulistic Inspiration
It goes without saying too that the
most humorous things aro occasionally
done by persons who retire to rest with
a fixed intention for tho morrow In
their minds and are discovered work
ing out the scheme in their Bleep
Tho writer knows a gentleman nev
er suspected of acting upon Inspira
tions evolved In his slumber who had
laid In a stock of enamel paints with
which he Intended to decorate his
rooms after a pattern not yet decided
upon Somo fantastic noUon presum
ably must have presented itself as be
Elopt All unconsciously he proceeded
down stairs In tho small hours mixed
all the colors together In a bowl and
started to daub Uie doors and walla
with considerably more determination
than taste The result was a
maUc chaos to say nothing of a bad
shock for the gentleman who sprang
out of his dream at Uie sound of a cry
from his startled wife Philadelphia
Times
An Austere Philosophy
Keep working 6ald Senator Sor
ghum earnestly Dont be discourag
ed by failure but try try again Re
member that good old maxim Persist
encys a Jewel
Are you sure Its persistency in
quired tho young man mildly Isnt
It con Instead of per
Well he answered thoughtfully
as life goes nowadays I suppose
theres got to be more or less con in it
But It Isnt considered polite to lay too
much stress upon it Exchange
TWO TIPS ON RACES
The ttcclplcnt Telln Why He Not
ItnnkerliiK After Anr More
No sir Bald a New Orleans denUst
tho other day when Uie conversation
hnppened to turn on sports no sir I
wouldnt play a racing Up under nny
circumstances I wouldnt play it if
I know it wns a copper bottomed
doublo rivlted cinch nnd a 100 to 1
shot
But why wouldnt you asked a
listener Have you been thrown
down so bad
I haveut been thrown down nt all
replied the dentist On tho contrary
Uie only two tips I ever hnd lu my life
were both perfectly straight but well
Ill toll you what happened to mo
Personally I dont enre for racing and
never go uenr tho track but during tho
winter season I did a good deal of
work for horsemen nnd got well ac
quainted with Bevernl Ono day a
Louisville man for whom I had put In
a rather difficult filling told me In an
offhand fashion to put 5 or 10 on a
certain horse that was going to run
next day I thought It over decided
I would and decided I wouldnt and
finally didnt Tho horse came gallop
ing In first 12 to 1 I was so asham
ed of myself that I hadnt the face to
tell tho Louisville man Uie truth and
when he asked me how much I hod
gathered in I said a hundred nnd
thanked him wnrmly Later on he got
broke and came around to borrow 50
I wouldnt ask you he sold but you
know I put you next to winning that
hundred What could I Bay I hand
ed him the money and have never seen
It since That was tip No 1
The other tip was given mo by a
gambler here in town continued tho
dentist I yanked out a molar that
was setting him crazy aud In n burst
of gratitude he swore me to secrecy
and told mo to bo certain to bnck a
horse well call him Snow King which
come3 near to his name thnt was to
run that afternoon I couldnt go out
myself that dny but I determined I
wouldnt get left twice so I sent for a
friend raked up 20 nnd told him to go
and make the bet for me This friend
of mine has a bad impediment In his
speech and late that afternoon ho
rushed In with a face like a funeral
me he stuttered
mo Why whats wrong I asked
greatly startled With much difficulty
he managed to tell mo that he had got
the names mixed and hnd bet on King
John Instead of Snow King Snow
King wns a winner of course at 20 to
1 nnd King John wns nowhere My
messenger was so heartbroken over his
blunder thnt I didnt have the heart to
reproach him and when ho pulled out
20 mostly In small silver and tried
to make me take It I refused No my
boy I said you cant afford to make
that good Its vexatious of course
but mistakes will happen so keep your
money and sny no more about It That
made me feel so fine and magnanimous
that It sort of reconciled me to my loss
nnd my friend was almost tearful lu
his thanks
About a month afterward as near
as I remember a bookmaker came In
to get a set of false teeth and while
we were waiting for the cast to dry we
got to talking about luck He said It
wns strange how often grcenbutslders
walk up andi call the right horse Why
not long ngo he said all tho talent
was backing the fnvorlte In one of tbr
events where It looked like a moral cer
tainty that nothing else could win
Just before the race was called up
comes a gawky young follow to my
box and puts down 20 on an old skate
of the name of Snow King He got
20 to 1 and might Just as well have hnd
100 to 1 Hold on I interrupted be
ginning to foel a little sick did you no
tice anything peculiar about that young
man Nothing particular said the
bookmaker except that he Btuttered
so bad I thought ho would never make
his play before the race was over
So thats why Im sore on tips add
ed Uie dentist I got two straight
ones nnd I figure It out thnt I lost 150
on Uie first the 100 I didnt win and
Uie 50 I lonned nnd 420 on Uie sec
ond tho 400 I won but didnt get
and the 20 I was fool enough to tell
my stuttering friend to keep total
570 Wouldnt that Jar you a lltUe
New Orleans Times Democrat
Wanted Them Lively
Talking about the queer ways some
people havo of sizing up a mans capa
blHUea for a Job Bald a New Jersey
man tho other day thore recently
died In my town a boss carpenter who
had one question which he always ask
ed of Journeymen who applied to him
for employment If the applicant was
found to possess all the other neces
sary qualifications he would ask
M What are your favorite tunes f
Why what do you want to know
that for
You whistle and sing some at your
work dont you
Oh yes
Well what tunes do you generally
whistle or 6lng
Oh theres Old Hundredth and
Auld Lang Syne and Down by Ui
Weeping Willows and
ThafB enough Uie boss would ex
claim You wont do for me These
tunes are too slow for me Good day
On Uie contrary if Uie applicant an
swered Oh I generally whistle
Yankeo Doodle or The Flshera
Hornpipe or something of that sort
the carpenter would say at onco
I think youll do Take off your
coat If you want to and go to work
Washington Star
Mllltarr Cntforma
Military uniforms were not originally
especially splendid It was Uie Prus
sian army and then Napoleon who set
Uie example of adorning Uie soldiers
dress all over with fur gold lace and
o on The Napoleonic armies suffered
from a perfect mania for ihowy trap
Vlngs tm j
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