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DR R J GUNN
DENTIST Pn0NB ii2
OfQco Rooms 3 and 5 Walsh Blk McCook
A G BUMP
Real Estate
and Insurance
First door south of Foams gallery
McCook Nebraska
C H Boyle
B J9F iMttSof
H P SUTTON
MCCOOK
C EEliDBED
BOYLE ELDRED
Attorneys at I aw
Long Distance Ilone 44
Booms 1 antl 7 second floor
PoHtofflco Bnilding
McCook Neb
Barber Shop
Itearof ist National Bank
Newly Furnished
and First Class in Every
Particular
Earl Murray
JEWELER
MUSICAL GOODS
NEBRASKA
JOHN E KELLEY
ATTOKNEY AT LAW and
BONDED ABSTKACTEB
McCook Nebraska
CalAfiont of Lincoln Land Co and of McCook
Waterworks Office in Postoffice building
YOU WOULD DO WELL TO SEE
J M Rupp
FOR ALL KINDS OF Rpjolr WQrk
P O Box 131 McCook Nebraska
McCook Laundry
G C HECKMAN Prop
Dry and Steam Cleaning and
Pressing
GATEW00D VAHUB
DENTISTS
Office over McAdams Store Phone 190
w
oar
to
to
to
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to
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to
The Security Abstract
and Realty Company
FOR LOAHS AUD INSURANCE
Farms Wild Lands and City
Property at owners prices
Properties of non residents
looked after Write for infor
mation
W C M0YER Mgr
IP
Autumn Special
fv cites
Cheap One Way Colonists
RateS aly during October to Pa-
citic Coast and far west points
at about half rates
To the East
The low rate James
town Exposition tick
ets can be used for your autumn trip to
New York Boston and other eastern
cities These are the last cheap rates of
the season
Homeseekers Excursions
Cheap rate excursions the first and
third Tuesdays of ejich month this au
tumn to Kansas Oklahoma the Gulf
country Colorado Utah Wyoming Big
Horn Basin Montana and the North
west Ask your nearest agent or write
the undersigned
Big Horn Basin and Billings
District erun personally conduct-
1 ed cheap rate homeseekers
excursions to help you locate on irrignt
ed lands at the lowest prices they will
double in value in five years Join me
on these excursions No charge for
services Write D Clem Deaver Agent
Burlington Landseekers Bureau Omaha
GEORGE S SCOTT
Ticket Agent McCook Neb
L W WAKELEY G P A Omaha Web
r mmM
ABSENCE OF MIND
A Funny Story About Ampere the Fa
mous Mathematician
You all know the old joke of the pro
fessor who pondering over the saying
that In a railway accident absence of
body was a good deal better than ab
sence of mind went to the nearest
railway station and tried to take a
ticket for the nearest railway acci
dent so as to have the matter proved
to his own satisfaction You doubt
less know the story too of the pro
fessor of mathematics whose new par
lor maid told him when he rang at his
own door that Professor Jones was
out Ill call again Ill call again he
said and went away
But these are stories merely Here
however are some Incidents from real
minded Hundreds of stories of bis
absentmindedness are told but quite
the funniest is tbat of his dinner at the t
house of M Fontanes the grand mas
ter of the University of Paris For a
joke somebody had told Ampere that
he must go to the dinner in his aca 1
demicians uniform of green and gold
and girt with his sword When he got
himself and slipped it behind the cush
ions of a sofa After dinner Ampere
Oil Wells at Sea
The ivhale is by no means the only
source of marine oil Though little
known to fame the humble menhaden
yields oil and fertilizer worth 1000
000 a year giving employment to 1800
fishermen and 1600 employees of fifty
factories The people who are so
profitably engaged in slaughtering
700000000 of these fishes every year
naturally claim that they were created
providentially for the express purpose
since they are not fit for food and yet
the supply seems inexhaustible No
one knows whence they come or whith
er they go All we know Is that every
spring vast schools of them appear in
the gulf of Mexico heading north in
closely packed masses near the surface
utterly incapable of either defense or
escape All that is needed is simply
to scoop them up with big seines
Brooklyn Eagle
A Costly Autograph
At a charitable sale in Paris once
Baron Rothschild stopped at a stall
conducted by Gyp and the fair lit
terateur addressed him with the usual
request to buy something
What am I to buy said the baron
You have nothing at all suitable for
me But I have an idea I should like
to have your autograph Sell me that
Taking a
with the ladys ingenuity
The Daughter Balked
I thought said old Groucherly
that I could save money by refusing
to give my consent to my daughters
marriage with young Huggins but its
no go
Whats the trouble queried the
friend of the family
She declines to elope explained the
old man with a iarge open faced
sigh Chicago News
His Scheme
Snoggs My daughter is going -to
marry young Scroggs Boggs Why I
thought you hated him Snoggs I do
This is a schemebf mine to have my
wife become his mother-in-law Cleve
land Leader
Hear one side and you will be In the
dark Hear both Bides and all will be
clear Haliburton
A FOOL QUESTION
Asked In a Railway Station It Won a
Caustic Reply
He stood at the tlckot window slowly
unrolling an old fashioned leather bag
while a dozen men stood behind him
driven to madness by the shouting of
the gatemen calling their trains After
he got about a yard and a half of bag
unrolled he suddenly stopped and said
to the ticket clerk
Is that clock right
No sir
Taiut shouted the startled pas
senger stooping down and making a
sudden clutch at a lean and hun
gry carpetbag Talnt right Well
I what n the name o common sense do
ye have it stuck up there for then
iim 1 1 t 1 1 11 - 11
1 iu 1001 peopie cuiuiiy repneu uie
life remarkably absent-
Ampere was
derk That8 wlmt were here fortQ
fool people and misdirect them
Great Seott said the passenger
hurriedly rolling up his bag Ive
missed my train Ill report you I
will
Wont do any good Its the compa
nys orders They paj a man to go
round every morning to mix and mud
dle up all the clocks so that not one of
to the house he much
was very an- thom he rht flIKl no t of fllm
noyed to find everybody else in aM e
nary evening dress I will get rid of Tlie passenger gaSped twice or thrice
the sword at all events he said to hllt polllrl nnt Rv nnVfillnf Thl tMtiT
mf 0 v w
clerk went on
Its the superintendents idea
He
forgot himself as usual and became j3 fond of fun enj0ys a joke and it
lost in abstruse calculation He took a
doe3 uim to nbout
g001 see a mnn jurap
little piece of chalk out of his pocket nn1 uear him jaw when he buys a
and began working out problems on ticket and tueu flmls bis trahl has baen
the black satin cover of the mantel 1 gone two hours
piece ne became so absorbed in what Which way Is this clock wrong
he was doing that all the guests left the passenger asked in despairing
witnour nis noticing tuem ana when
ho wrote down Q E D no one was
left in the room except Mme Fon
tanes and she unfortunately sat fast
asleep on the sofa where Amperes
sword lay hidden
Ampere went down upon his knees
and pulled gently at the sword so as
to get it away Avithout waking the
lady He pulled and pulled and pres
ently the sword came out without the
scabbard At this moment Mme Fon
tanes awoke and alarmed the house
with her screams of terror at seeing a
man on his knees before her with a
drawn sword in his hand
But mathematical professors have
not the monopoly of absentminded
ness La Fontaine whose fables are
the delight of adult Frenchmen and
their childrens earliest task went to
the court of Louis XYI to present a
copy of his fables to the king And he
forgot the book Fortunately the king
knew La Fontaine his fables and his
foibles and gave him a thousand pis
toles about 230 Unfortunately
though La Fontaine left the money In
his hired carriage on his way back to
Paris
But the prettiest piece of absent-
mindedness of which I have ever heard
was that of Professor Pozzl who ask
ed a lady who was bewailing the fact
that she had no children whether she
thought the failing was hereditary
This is even more amusing than the
delightful answer made by the engi
neer of the Seme tunnel M Berlier to
a servant who told him when he went
to call upon his lawyer that that gen
tleman had died that morning Oh
said M Berlier dear dear Im so sor
ry But tell him I -wont keep him a
minute St James Gazette
cents fast or slow
Dont know Thats part of the fun
not to let anybody in the building know
anything about the right time All I
know is that its about ninety minutes
wrong one way or the other
With a hollow groan the passenger
grabbed his bag and made a rush for
the door upsetting any man who got
in his way In about two minutes he
came back crestfallen and meek and
took his place at the end of the line
When once more he walked up to the
windowhe said as he named his sta
tion and bought his ticket like a sane
man
What made you talk to me like you
did
W7hat made you ask questions like
a fool San Francisco Chronicle
PLEASANT JAILS
The Way Prisoners In Montenegro Are
Treated
When I paid a visit to the Cetlnje
jail I found that all the prisoners were
out for a walk For two hours every
morning and again for two hours in
the afternoon they are allowed to wan
der about on the green before the pris
on There Is nothing Indeed but their
own sense of honor to prevent their
going farther afield unless they be
murderers In which case they wear
chains The authorities provide them
with housing of course and with
clothes not uniform also with a fire
at which to cook their food and they
give them fourpence a day each to
buy It The prisoners cater for them
selves Two of them go to the market
every morning to buy provisions for
the day They are not required to work
unless they choose and they are classi
fied not according to the seriousness
of their offense but according to their
standard of life and general behavior
If a man of education and refinement
is sent to prison care is taken to lodge
him so far as possible in a room
where the other occupants belong to
his own rank In life I found on one
bed a beautiful counterpane and a pil
low covered with delicate embroidery
Yes poor fellow thats his wifes
handiwork the governor of the jail
remarked casually as we passed In
one prison life was made so easy and
pleasant that on leaving it I ventured
to remark that to be there was no pun
ishment it seemed to me
No punishment the official who
was with me exclaimed in surprise
But think of the disgrace of being
here Is not that in itself punishment
ecbugh
T lfad and still have doubts on the
subject for I had just seen a cheery
old fellow who although the time for
which he was sentenced had expired
stoutly refused to quit the prison
Edith Sellers in Fortnightly Review
White Africans
The Berbers who although African
are as ivhite as Europeans are the
oldest Tvhite race on record says an
explorer They are supposed to have
come from thfi smith of Rnrnnp In in
sheet of paper the lady dent rinvs th rmmw Aix artj0or
wrote upon it Received from Baron snvs nTfl nithni tioir innmim ot
nlr1iI l nnr - obuuti
iiuiuotuiiu uik ULU VL JUUU lTUUCS
for the benefit of charity Gyp
Baron Rothschild read it thanked
her and handing her a note for the
amount named went nwav delighted
customs are entirely different from
ours and their religion Mohammedan
they are probably closely akin by de
scent Blue eyes and fair hair are
not at all uncommon among the Ber
bers and many of them have rosy
cheeks and features so like our own
that were they dressed in British fash
ion they would easily pass as natives
of the British isles
Equality
Uncle Hello Dot got a new doll
Llttje Miss Dot Hush uncle dont
speak too loud She is not one of my
own but belonged to Millie Simpson
who was cruel to her andbandoned her
bo I have dopted her but I dont want
her to know because I mean to make
no difference between her and my own
dollies London Tit Bits
What It Was
These deceitful women are so ridic
ulous said Miss Passay As for me
I was never afraid to tell what my
nge was
No woman replied Miss Wise
ever minds telling what her age was
London Answers
w A t -
CITY LODGE DIRECTORY
A F A A M
McCook Lodk0 No 135 A F A M moots
evory lirst nuri third TimmIu or tho month ut
800 p in iu Mnsonic hall
Ciiaules L Faiimutcock W M
Lon Cone Soc
deuieok honor
McCook Lodco No 3 D of H moots ovory
second nnd forth Friduj s of ouch mouth ut800
p 111 in Quuscliows hull
Mui Lauua Osiiuun C of II
Mrs MatieG Welles Hoc
EAGLES
McCook Aorio No 1511 F O E meets tho
second and fourth Wednosdsjsof eucii month
at 800 pm in GuuscIiouh hull Social moot
iuks on tlio llrtt unci third Wuduosdajs
W II Cummins W Pros
II F Peterson W Sec
EASTEUN HTAK
Eurokn Chapter No m 6 E S meets the
second and fourth Fridn s of rli nnili
800 p in iu Masonic hull
Mus Sauaii E Kay W M
Sylvester Cordeal Sec
G A R
J K Barnos Post No 207 G A It meots on
tho llrst baturduy of each mouth at 210 p in
Oanschow s hall
J M Hendeesov Cmndr
J H Iaisger Adjt
knights OF COLUMIJUa
McCook Council No 3126 K of C meets tho
liryt nnd third Tuodajs of eucli month at8U0
p in in Ganschows hall
C J Ryan G K
F G Leculeitee F Sec
KNI0IIT8 OF r YTHIAS
McCook LodRo No -12 K of P meets every
Wednesday at 800 p in in Masonic hall
J COUDEAL C C
C XV Barnes K R S
KNIGnTS TEMPLAR
St John Commandery No 16 K T meots on
the second Thursday of each month at 800 p
m in Masonic hall
Emerson Hanson E C
Sylvester Cordeal Rec
LOCOMOTIVE ENGINEER8
McCook Division No C23 B of L E meots
every first and third Saturday of each monthht
8 00 in Berri s ball
XV C SCHENCK C E
W D Burnett F A E
LOCOMOTIVE firemen
McCook Lodge No 599 J of L F E
meets every Saturday at 800 p m in Gaus
chows hall
XV R rrNNaTON M
W S Bixler Sec
MODERN 1OODMEN
Noble Camp No CM M XV A meets every
second and fourth Tbursdaj of each month at
bM p m in Ganschows hall
John Hunt V C
Barney Hofer Clerk
ODD fellows
McCook LodRo No JUT I O O F meets ovory
tf uvw M uuuaLiiun a null
Scott Doan Sec
E H Doan N G
p e o
Chapter X P E O meets the second and
fourth Saturdajs of each month at 230 p m
at the homes of the various members
Mrs C W Britt Pros
Mrs J G Schqbel Cor Sec
RAILWAY CONDUCTORS
Harvey Division No 95 O R C meets the
second and fourth Sundajs of each month at
300 p m in Diamonds hall
Joe Hegenbergee C Con
M O McCldre Sec
RAILWAY TRAINMEN
C XV Bronson Lodge No -187 B of R T
meets every Friday at 800 p m in Berrys
ball
H W Conover M
F J Huston Sec
nORKMEN
McCook Lodge No 61 AOUW meots ovory
Monday at 800 p m in Diamonds hall
Web Stephens M XV
C B Gray Rec
VJffessV v
B A M
Kinff Cyrus Chnptor No J5 li A M moots
ovory iirst and third Thursday of uach mouth nt
HAD p in in Mnsonic hall
Clarence H Gray ii P
Clinton B Sawtkr Sec
ROYAL NEKllillORH
Noblo Camp No 652 It N A moot ovory
secoud mid fourth Ihurt diy of ouch mouth nt
2lXp in iu Gniicchows hull
Mrs Mary Walker Ornclo
Mrs Augusta Anton Hoc
11 8 31
to Council NolCRAS M incuts on
tho last Saturday of each inoulh utUl p in
in Masonic hall
Baltic A IIaodekg T I M
Syvlester Cordeal Sec
w o v
Meots second and fourth lhurdns at S
oclock iu Diamonds hall
Ciias r Makkwad C
W C Mover Clerk
J II WODDELL
AlcCOOK NEB
LIVE STOCK and REAL ESTATE
AUOTIONEFlt
iaCal at Citizens Bank For Dates
Dr A DJFINOJI
OSTEOPATH IC PI1 YSICIAN
and OPTICIAN
Oilice days Tuesdays Wednes
days Thursdays and Saturdays
Oilico iu Post Office Bldg - Phone 13
rzr rer riipmi
T
rt
SYRUP Cures BRONClS
C R Woodworth St Cos Unusual Offer
It isnt often that wo hnvo faith
enough in tho medicine put up by other
peoplo to bo willing to offer to refund
tho monoy if it does not cure said C
R Woodworth Co tn n Tribuno man
who dropped into their storo but wo
are glad to sell Dr Howards specific
for tho euro of constipation nnd dyspop
sia on that basis Tho Dr Howard
Company in ordor to get a quick intro
ductory salo authorizes us to sell their
regular fify cent bottles at half price 2o
cents and although we have- sold a lot
of it and have guaranteed ovory packago
not ouo lias been brought back as unsat
isfactory Thoro aro sixty doses in a
viui that can bo carried in tho vest pock
et or purso andevory one has moro med
icinal power than a big pill or tablet or
a tumbler of mineral water Wo aro
still selling the specific at half price
although wo cannot tell how long wo
bo ablo to do so nnd nnyono who is sub
ject to constipation sick hoadncho diz
ziness livar trouble indigestion or a
general play out condition ought to
take advantngo of this chance
The McCook Tribune
for 100 per Year
Who Makes XTRAGOOD
WE always like to know all we
can about the makers who
produce the clothes we offer you
and wed like you to know about
them too
4L One of the main reasons we sell
Xiragood is the fact that they are
made by Ederheimer Stein Co
Chicago in the most modern and re
markable tailor shops ever built in
large light airy clean buildings
specially erected and fitted for
making clothes better and differ
The
Best
Boya
ent than others have done or
are doing
C Beside the longer wear your boy will
Overcoat
h an XTRAGOOD
Ages 7 to 17
Prices 5 to 12
get out of XTRAGOOD the better
appearance and more perfect fit
tlinf vntiH annrpriufp it nn Ariw
j - rt -- -- ij
vantage to know theyre clean hi
and wholesome as well as
y
most durable reliable
honest economical
mWf
kill
II
mi
ut
i
M
TARTSCH THE CLOTHIER
I I I I i dfc II II Bi
K
Our Best Offer
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