Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936 | View Entire Issue (June 14, 1907)
s k V 1 V I s -V ipinji nnnmwrTi TMEHTEDAT COURT Experience of an American a an English Royal Levee A RAPID TRANSIT FUNCTION Ho Was In and Through and Out Bo foro Ho Really Realized What Ha Happened Tho Way His Difficult About a Costumo Was Overcome A six foot American who had so cured a command to one of the ling llsh royal levees recently found him self in a pretty predicament On his notiilcation paper was th hint Hint levee dress was indlspensa ble In the guileless Innocence of hi democratic soul the American took till to mean that frock coat and shinj shoes would he called for lie was in the act of looking over hi best outfit of that natuto when a mow experienced friend called and caughi him in the act The fiiend made haste to inform the misguided Yankee thai levee dress Involved silk stockings milled sleeves black sword and othei Hems Consternation ensued It continued to ensue when owing to his height ami girth no borrowable suit was dlscov ered and iu tailor could be found wlic would make one before the next after noon At last a stage levee dress wa rented from His Majestys theater where it had done duty in The Lasl of the Dandies After the levee was over the Ameri can confessed that he hardly knew what had happened When he reached the palace he was first surrounded bv the yeomen of the guard who started him upstairs with great dispatch In the course of hi progress upstairs ths yeomen disappeared and he found himself ii a lane of tin plated life guardsmen Again the scene changed says Town and Country and there was a lane ot royal footmen and next a large room filled to overflowing with admirals generals diplomats peers chamber lains soldiers and sailors of all de grees of commissioned rank and a great host of men attired like himsell In levee dress One by one they were singled out and ushered into the royal presence in the adjoining room where stood the king surrounded by his suit The work of presentation was so rapid that the American found himself out and in another room before he knew what had happened His over coat was on his back in the same rapid mysterious fashion and the next thing he knew he was outside in the courtyard But he was actually presented and is now forever Hof fahig or eligible for presentation at any court in the world provided he be haves himself All tins was preliminary to the pres entation of the mans wife and daugh ter at the drawing room Men are pre sented at the kings levees and the women undergo the same ordeal at the courts or drawing rooms which are by far the more imposing functions It Is probably no exaggeration to say that every time a drawing room Is held 100000 is spent by the people who go to court None but a very old habitue of the court and then she Is never below the rank of a countess would dream of appearing at court in a costume that she had worn there before The Item of flowers alone is one of vast Impor tance If it were not for the drawing rooms the large florists could not exist Every woman who Is presented goea armed with a bouquet whose value is at least a pound and some of them are worth ten times that sum Then there are the bookmakers and the hosiers and the milliners to consider to say nothing of the people who lend carriages Suppose there are at a low estimate 500 people on the presentation list Of these every mothers ughter has her self photographed in her court cos tume and London court photographers are notorious for their stiff prices St James park on the night of a drawing room is filled with London ers who wander up and down the dou ble line of carriages stalled in the mail peering into the windows and criticis ing tbe costumes of the matrons and their debutante daughters It is a legitimate privilege of the populace to consider those waiting for presentation as objects of interest and there the latter have to sit some of them over an hour subjected to the gaze of Lou dons citizens You see half a dozen Bhopgirls flattening their noses against the window of a motor brougham and carrying on a rapid fire conversation about the dress of milady and her daughter inside Aint she beootiful Mary Ann or Wot do yon think of this un Oi dont like er gown at all All this lias to be borne with Spar tan fortitude so long as there Is no rowdyism but strange to say there never is A good many people starve them selves for months so that they and their offspring may have the money to enable them to go to court There are many half pay colonels who live in the country whose one object is to come up for a drawing room Generally they have influential and wealthy friends who make it easy for them in the matter of lodging in town and lend them their horses carriages and footmen otherwise it would be Im possible for them to go There seems to be a tradition that If a mans daugh tc has not been presented at court her way to a successful marriage will not be so smooth That of course Is a fallacy but the tradition never dies and so people stint themselves and en dure endless sacrifices -that they may put the hall mark on themselves and v their offspring ---- -- - - -- CUSTOMS OFFICIALS Those of England Called the TESTATORS LAST Most Obliging and Helpful There Is no country where the mat ter of landing from American passen ger ships Is so easy and so expeditious ly done as England says the Travel Magazine Of course it Is a free trade country the freest In the whole world There are duties levied on tobacco and spirits but travelers are allowed a half pound of tobacco in any shape and a half pint of spirits which also in cludes perfume Sugar is dutiable whether In grain sweets or in jam but a small quantity is freely passed In all cases however these goods must be the actual property of the passenger and be for his use and control Cocoa coffee and tea are also dutiable as are reprints of English books Outside of these things as named passengers can bring in anything motors cycles horses but not dogs which animals a not to exceed six months quarantine awaits Keep dogs on the American side The customs officials are life ap pointees under the civil service and will be found most obliging and help ful In fact they are a model to tho customs world Tell the truth at all times to these officials and you will be all right They are marvelously keen on spotting the supposedly smart liar Lying doesnt pay annyhow Tlinnes sy at home or abroad WISHES Strange Requests Regarding the Ar rangement of Funerals Sir James Colquhouns desire to be buried in full evening dress costume recalls says the London Standard cu rious last whiles of other testators George Herring directed that his re mains should He beneath a sundial at tho Haven of Rest Maidenhead Queen Victoria planned the entire programme for her funeral even choosing the mu sic to be played the anthems to be sung A couide of months ago a young lady who died at Iteigatc on the eve of her wedding was buried in her bridal dress the friends who were to have been her bridesmaids attending the funeral in the gowns which they should have worn at the wedding and carrying In place of wreaths the wedding bou quets More singular was the funeral of Major General Algernon Stewart at Hascombe Surrey The coffin was drawn to the grave by the dead mans horse The mourners walked and the bearers wore old fashioned smocks each with its collar adorned with a text The same men appeared in their mourning garments at the church serv ice on the following Sunday Disqualified Although Mrs Harlow loved her hus band and admired what she considered his good points it was a never ending source of amazement to her that he had been chosen to fill the office of mayor for three successive terms Everybody knows how much I think of James she said in a dazed way to one of her husbands cousins I always said and always should say that he is as good as gold But if youll tell me whether you think a man who is color blind and who brings home toys that wont go when you wind them and who still thinks I could like olives if Id only try is fit for such a position why all I can say is I dont Youths Companion A Chinese Idea of Foreigners The following is a quite modern Chi nese conception of the foreigners treatment of infectious cases If an epidemic broke out two foreigners took the sick away and put them in a little room washed them with lime water and then locked them up so that no one could see them on purpose that they might soon die and not propagate the disease Wives and children might cry and weep but the foreigner would but drive them away with sticks for until dead no one must see those faces again Better for all of us to jump in to the sea than submit to this--South China Post Antiquity of an Old Tune When Napoleons army was in Egypt in 1799 and the band struck up the tune which in England is set to the song We Wont Go Home Till Morn ing its effect on the Bedouins was electrical They leaped and shouted and embraced one another deliriously They averred that they were listening to the oldest and most popular tune of their people It is thought that the tune was brought to Europe from the dark continent in the eleventh century by the Crusaders St James Gazette The Appetite The appetite said the physician is always a consideration of great im portance Yes answered the man who is painfully economical If you have a poor one you worry about your health and if you have a good one you worry about the expense Washington Star In Ignorance Your husband seems to have an ex alted opinion of you remarked the brides aunt He says you are his right hand Yes rejoined the young wife with a sigh but hes one of those men whr never let their right hand know what Itheir left hand does Wrong Man You understand said the captain that we want a secretary who is thor oughly accustomed to managing men In that case answered the appli cant sadly Im afraid its not mo you want but my wife Money does all things It makes honest men and knaves fools and losophers LEstrange The crap Book In His Own Lino Jim Jackson was brought before a judge charged with chicken stealing After Jacksons conviction the justice with a perplexed look said But I do not understand Jackson uow it was possible for you to steal those chickens when they were roost ing right under the owners window and there were two vicious dogs In the yard lilt wouldnt do yer a bit o good Jedge for me to spin in how I kotched dem chickens fer you couldnt do hit yerself ef yer tried it fohty times an yer might git yer hide full er lead Dc bes way fer you ter do jedge is jes ter buy yo chickens in do market same ez odder folks does an when yer wants ter commit any rascality do hit on do bench whar yo is at home BRAVE LOVE Hed nothing but his violin Id nothing but my song But we were wed when skies were blue And sununer days were long And when we rested by the hedge The robins came and told How they had dared to woo and win When early spring was cold We sometimes supped on dewberries Or slept among the hay But oft the farmers wives at eve Came out to hear us play The rare old tunes the dear old tunes We could not starve for long While my man had his violin And I my sweet love song The world lias aye gone well with us Old man since we were one Our homeless wanderings down the lanes It long ago was done But those who wait for gold or gear For houses and for kine Till youths sweet spring grows brown and sere And love and beauty tine Will never know the joy of hearts That met without a fear When you had but your violin And I a song my dear An Interruption A little boy in his night dress was on his knees saying his prayers and his little sister could not resist the tempta tion to tickle the soles of his feet He stood it as long as he could and then said Please God excuse me while I knock the stuflin out of Nel lie The Mad Dog William J Stevens for several years local station agent at Swansea It I was peacefully promenading his plat form one morning when a rash dog ventured to snap at one of Williams plump legs Stevens promptly kicked the animal halfway across the tracks and was immediately confronted by the owner who demanded an explana tion in language more forcible than courteous Why said Stevens when the other paused for breath your dogs mad Mad Mad You double eyed blankety blank fool he aint mad Oh aint he cut in Stevens Gosh I should be if any one kicked me like that Everybodys Politeness Pays In one of the churches of New York according to District Attorney Jerome there was once an old woman who in sisted on bowing her head every time the name of Satan was mentioned dur ing the service or sermon The rector after noticing the eccentricity for many months asked her Madam why do you bow at the name of Sa tan It is not customary you know Oh I know that she said but it doesnt cost anything to be polite and one never knows what will happen On the Job A New York printer who occupies a floor in Seventeenth street directed one of his clerks to hang out a Boy Want ed sign at the street entrance a few days ago The card had been swing ing in the breeze only a few minutes when a red headed little tad climbed to the printers office with tbe sign under his arm Say mister he demanded of the printer did youse hang out this here Boy Wanted sign I did replied the printer sternly Why did you tear it down Back of his freckles the youngster was gazing in wonder at the mans stupidity Hully gee he blurted Whv Im the boy And he was A Sympathetic King Louis Philippe knew that Marshal Soult clung to power and that his fall would be bitter to him but when the time came the future ministers witL Thiers at their head were assembled at the Tuilleries while in the nexl room Louis broke the news to Soult The interview took a long time ami the ministers were not without appro hension Finally the door was opened just enough to allow the kings queer pear shaped head to pass and he wins pered A little patience gentlemen just a little patience We are weeping together St Louis Globe Democrat Couldnt Go to Egypt All old gentleman advertised for an agreeable companion to visit Egypt with him This advertisement was seen late at night by a young man who had been dining freely He cogi tated awhile and then told the club porter to call a hansom The cab was procured and with a little muscular exertion on the part of the porter and the cabby the young man was stowed away in its recesses He told the man to drive to the ad dress given In the advertisement Ar rived there he was assisted to the pavement and with much dignity or dered the cabby to practice on the bell and knocker or the old fashioned resi dence The advertiser stuck his ven erable head out of the window and after a parley conducted with explosive Indignation which was met with un milled assurance from the pavement the ancle a came down and unbolted the door When he had picked up tho diner and stood him In Uie earner the following conversation took place Now sir what do you mean by waking me up at this hour Come tasshcr vertishment Well sir this is no time to come on such an errand What have you to say Ive come to tell youvery sor rj cant go with you A Volunteer A darky preacher was lost in the happy selection of his text which he repeated in vigorous accents of plead ing Oh bredern at de las day deres gwine to be sheep an deres gwine to be goats Whos gwine to be de sheep an whos gwine to be de goats Lets all try to be like de 1 II white lambs bredern Shall we be de goats sis ters Naw wes gwine to be de sheep Whos gwine to be de sheep bredern an whos gwine to be de goats Talc care ob youh souls sisters Remember deres gwine to be goats an sheep Whos gwine to be de sheep an whos gwine to be de goats Just then a solitary Irishman who had been sitting in the back of the church listening attentively rose and said Oill be the goat Go on tell us the joke elder Oill be the goat Lip pincotts Ho Knew His Father Suppose said a father to his little you have half an apple and I give you another half How much have you A whole apple said the boy Well continued the father sup pose you had a half dollar and I gave you another half dollar What would you have then A lit promptly answered the boy Passed In the Dark It is said that General Knyphausen who commanded the Hessian mercena ries in America in 1775 knew little about tho sea and less about geogra phy On the voyage to America lie was on Lord Howes ship where lie passed several uncomfortable weeks as the voyage was unusually long Knyphausen was a martinet so far as discipline was concerned ne had strong scruples against interfering but the time came when he could keep si lence no longer He marched stiffly up to the admiral and said My lord I know it is the duty of a soldier to be submissive at sea but being intrusted with the troops of his serene highness my master I feel it my duty to in quire if it be not possible that during the extremely dark nights we have lately had we may have sailed past America Detroit Free Press Divorce Wanted Scene Lawyers office Enter little girl sobbing bitterly Lawyer Why little one whats wrong Little Girl Are you Mr Blank the lawyer The Lawyer Yes What is it you want Little Girl I want sob I want a divorce from my pa and ma A Director of the Union Pacific Pushing into the private car of Mr Ilarrimau a messenger boy said Ilello I got er telegram for Mc Keen You mean Mr McKeen interrupt ed Mr Harriman with a frosty smile Yep I guess so the head cheese of the motive department Mr Harriman took the telegram and had it sent to Mr McKeen What do you do he asked the lad with a glance around at his compan ions Im one ofi the directors of the Un ion Pacific said the boy taking the challenge What exclaimed Mr narriman Yep I direct envelopes over at the master mechanics office was the re ply as the lad left the car A Matter of Etiquette The wedding ceremony was conclud ed The proud but bashful bridegroom hesitated and then leaned over and whispered to the officiating clergyman his natural tendency toward stuttering increased by embarrassment Is it to the bride She Won Her Uncle Uncle Harry was a bachelor and not fond of babies Even winsome four-year-old Helen failed to win his heart Every one made too much fuss over the youngster Uncle Harry declared One day Helens mother was called downstairs and with fear and trem bling asked Uncle Harry who was stretched out on a sofa if he would keep his eye on Helen Uncle Harry grunted Yes but never stirred from his position in truth his ejes were tight shut By and by wee Helen tiptoed over to the sofa and leaning over Uncle Harry softly inquired Feepy No growled Uncle Harry Tired ventured Helen No said her uncle Sick further inquired Helen with real sympathy in her voice No still insisted Uncle Harry Dus feel bum hey And that won the uncle Ladles Home Journal Scotch Ostentation Boswell at a public dinner com plained that he had his pocket picked of his handkerchief Pooh said Dr Johnson its nothing but the ostenta tion of a Scotchman to let the world know that he had possessed a hand kerchief r igPK7rjj r Se5SS No Tyranny of Circumstances Can Permanently Imprison a Determined Will If jou are really determined to get ahead to accumulate some thing to he one of the solid financial men of the community you can do it 1 utrt a ltttle sclf dciiiiil and tho conserving of your income until you hnvn enough to irnke an investment then keep your money work ing for jou Even if your present income is small von can start a bank ac count and build up for tho investment Start now Safety Deposit Boxes 1 per Year First National Bank -- McCook Nebraska d9tSXSXSX - y1 b i wi We have in stock i fine assortment of Wedding s IB tationery that cannot fail to please the most exact ing It is correct as to texture and finish in fact nothing is lacking that goes to form the very latest in invitations and an nouncements The TRIBUNE Office FRANKLIN - DIRECTORS JAS S DOYLE A C EBERT In many respects the Toledo Blade is the most remarkable weekly newspaper published in the United States It is the only newspaper espe cially edited for National circulation It lias had the largert circulation for more years than any newspaper printed iu America Further more it is the cheapest newspaper in the world as will bo explained to any person who will write us for terms The news of the world so arranged that busy people can more easily com prehend than by reading cumbersome columns of dailies All current topics made plain in each issue by special editorial matter writfa from inception down to date The only paper published especially for people who do or do uot read daily newspapers and iet thirst fori J plain facts That this kind of a newspaper is popular is proven by the fact that the Weekly j j Blade now has over ljlXXJ jearJy subscribers and is circulated in all parts of the United States In addition co the news the Blade pub lishes short and serial stories and many depart ments of matter suited to every member of the family Only one dollar a year Write for specimen copy Address THE BLADE Toledo Ohio McCook Laundry G C HECKMAN Prop Dry and Steam Cleaning and Pressing GATEWOOD VAHUfc DENTISTS Office over HcAdams Store Phone 190 Bar 0Vk V FRANKLIN President A C EBERT Cashier JAS S DOYLE Vice President THR CITIZENS BANK OF McCOOK NEB Paid Up Capital 50000 Surplus 12000 SVWW 1slwv The McCook Tribune Americas Greatest Weekly The Toledo Blade Toledo Ohio The Best Known Newspaper in the United States Circulation 185000 Popular in Every State 1 Per Year Dr A D FINCH OSTEOPATHIC PHYSIOlsaC and OPTICIAN Office days Tuesdays Wednes days Thursdays and Saturdays Office in Post Office Bldg - Phonal E F OSBORN J W WENET OSBORN WEKTZ Dray men Prompt Service Courteous Treatment Reasonable Prices GIVE US A TRIAL k - i Seen Is BeliBTi I If you will figure with us and j quslity of material is any object J you will be easily convincedthai we out class all competition 3- BARNETT LI El fc fMTTHHnMMf I I I 1 iJE