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TMEHTEDAT COURT
Experience of an American a
an English Royal Levee
A RAPID TRANSIT FUNCTION
Ho Was In and Through and Out Bo
foro Ho Really Realized What Ha
Happened Tho Way His Difficult
About a Costumo Was Overcome
A six foot American who had so
cured a command to one of the ling
llsh royal levees recently found him
self in a pretty predicament
On his notiilcation paper was th
hint Hint levee dress was indlspensa
ble In the guileless Innocence of hi
democratic soul the American took till
to mean that frock coat and shinj
shoes would he called for
lie was in the act of looking over hi
best outfit of that natuto when a mow
experienced friend called and caughi
him in the act The fiiend made haste
to inform the misguided Yankee thai
levee dress Involved silk stockings
milled sleeves black sword and othei
Hems
Consternation ensued It continued
to ensue when owing to his height ami
girth no borrowable suit was dlscov
ered and iu tailor could be found wlic
would make one before the next after
noon At last a stage levee dress wa
rented from His Majestys theater
where it had done duty in The Lasl
of the Dandies
After the levee was over the Ameri
can confessed that he hardly knew
what had happened When he reached
the palace he was first surrounded bv
the yeomen of the guard who started
him upstairs with great dispatch In
the course of hi progress upstairs ths
yeomen disappeared and he found
himself ii a lane of tin plated life
guardsmen
Again the scene changed says Town
and Country and there was a lane ot
royal footmen and next a large room
filled to overflowing with admirals
generals diplomats peers chamber
lains soldiers and sailors of all de
grees of commissioned rank and a
great host of men attired like himsell
In levee dress One by one they were
singled out and ushered into the royal
presence in the adjoining room where
stood the king surrounded by his suit
The work of presentation was so
rapid that the American found himself
out and in another room before he
knew what had happened His over
coat was on his back in the same
rapid mysterious fashion and the
next thing he knew he was outside in
the courtyard But he was actually
presented and is now forever Hof
fahig or eligible for presentation at
any court in the world provided he be
haves himself
All tins was preliminary to the pres
entation of the mans wife and daugh
ter at the drawing room Men are pre
sented at the kings levees and the
women undergo the same ordeal at the
courts or drawing rooms which are
by far the more imposing functions It
Is probably no exaggeration to say that
every time a drawing room Is held
100000 is spent by the people who go
to court
None but a very old habitue of the
court and then she Is never below the
rank of a countess would dream of
appearing at court in a costume that
she had worn there before The Item
of flowers alone is one of vast Impor
tance If it were not for the drawing
rooms the large florists could not exist
Every woman who Is presented goea
armed with a bouquet whose value is
at least a pound and some of them are
worth ten times that sum Then there
are the bookmakers and the hosiers and
the milliners to consider to say nothing
of the people who lend carriages
Suppose there are at a low estimate
500 people on the presentation list Of
these every mothers ughter has her
self photographed in her court cos
tume and London court photographers
are notorious for their stiff prices
St James park on the night of a
drawing room is filled with London
ers who wander up and down the dou
ble line of carriages stalled in the mail
peering into the windows and criticis
ing tbe costumes of the matrons and
their debutante daughters It is a
legitimate privilege of the populace to
consider those waiting for presentation
as objects of interest and there the
latter have to sit some of them over
an hour subjected to the gaze of Lou
dons citizens You see half a dozen
Bhopgirls flattening their noses against
the window of a motor brougham and
carrying on a rapid fire conversation
about the dress of milady and her
daughter inside
Aint she beootiful Mary Ann or
Wot do yon think of this un Oi dont
like er gown at all
All this lias to be borne with Spar
tan fortitude so long as there Is no
rowdyism but strange to say there
never is
A good many people starve them
selves for months so that they and
their offspring may have the money to
enable them to go to court There are
many half pay colonels who live in
the country whose one object is to
come up for a drawing room
Generally they have influential and
wealthy friends who make it easy for
them in the matter of lodging in town
and lend them their horses carriages
and footmen otherwise it would be Im
possible for them to go There seems
to be a tradition that If a mans daugh
tc has not been presented at court
her way to a successful marriage will
not be so smooth That of course Is a
fallacy but the tradition never dies
and so people stint themselves and en
dure endless sacrifices -that they may
put the hall mark on themselves and
v their offspring ---- -- - -
--
CUSTOMS OFFICIALS
Those of England Called the
TESTATORS
LAST
Most
Obliging and Helpful
There Is no country where the mat
ter of landing from American passen
ger ships Is so easy and so expeditious
ly done as England says the Travel
Magazine Of course it Is a free trade
country the freest In the whole world
There are duties levied on tobacco and
spirits but travelers are allowed a
half pound of tobacco in any shape and
a half pint of spirits which also in
cludes perfume Sugar is dutiable
whether In grain sweets or in jam but
a small quantity is freely passed In
all cases however these goods must be
the actual property of the passenger
and be for his use and control Cocoa
coffee and tea are also dutiable as are
reprints of English books Outside of
these things as named passengers can
bring in anything motors cycles
horses but not dogs which animals a
not to exceed six months quarantine
awaits Keep dogs on the American
side The customs officials are life ap
pointees under the civil service and
will be found most obliging and help
ful In fact they are a model to tho
customs world Tell the truth at all
times to these officials and you will be
all right They are marvelously keen
on spotting the supposedly smart liar
Lying doesnt pay annyhow Tlinnes
sy at home or abroad
WISHES
Strange Requests Regarding the Ar
rangement of Funerals
Sir James Colquhouns desire to be
buried in full evening dress costume
recalls says the London Standard cu
rious last whiles of other testators
George Herring directed that his re
mains should He beneath a sundial at
tho Haven of Rest Maidenhead Queen
Victoria planned the entire programme
for her funeral even choosing the mu
sic to be played the anthems to be
sung
A couide of months ago a young lady
who died at Iteigatc on the eve of her
wedding was buried in her bridal
dress the friends who were to have
been her bridesmaids attending the
funeral in the gowns which they should
have worn at the wedding and carrying
In place of wreaths the wedding bou
quets
More singular was the funeral of
Major General Algernon Stewart at
Hascombe Surrey The coffin was
drawn to the grave by the dead mans
horse The mourners walked and the
bearers wore old fashioned smocks
each with its collar adorned with a
text The same men appeared in their
mourning garments at the church serv
ice on the following Sunday
Disqualified
Although Mrs Harlow loved her hus
band and admired what she considered
his good points it was a never ending
source of amazement to her that he
had been chosen to fill the office of
mayor for three successive terms
Everybody knows how much I
think of James she said in a dazed
way to one of her husbands cousins
I always said and always should say
that he is as good as gold But if youll
tell me whether you think a man who
is color blind and who brings home
toys that wont go when you wind
them and who still thinks I could like
olives if Id only try is fit for such a
position why all I can say is I dont
Youths Companion
A Chinese Idea of Foreigners
The following is a quite modern Chi
nese conception of the foreigners
treatment of infectious cases If an
epidemic broke out two foreigners took
the sick away and put them in a little
room washed them with lime water
and then locked them up so that no one
could see them on purpose that they
might soon die and not propagate the
disease Wives and children might cry
and weep but the foreigner would but
drive them away with sticks for until
dead no one must see those faces
again Better for all of us to jump in
to the sea than submit to this--South
China Post
Antiquity of an Old Tune
When Napoleons army was in Egypt
in 1799 and the band struck up the
tune which in England is set to the
song We Wont Go Home Till Morn
ing its effect on the Bedouins was
electrical They leaped and shouted
and embraced one another deliriously
They averred that they were listening
to the oldest and most popular tune of
their people It is thought that the
tune was brought to Europe from the
dark continent in the eleventh century
by the Crusaders St James Gazette
The Appetite
The appetite said the physician
is always a consideration of great im
portance
Yes answered the man who is
painfully economical If you have a
poor one you worry about your health
and if you have a good one you worry
about the expense Washington Star
In Ignorance
Your husband seems to have an ex
alted opinion of you remarked the
brides aunt He says you are his
right hand
Yes rejoined the young wife with
a sigh but hes one of those men whr
never let their right hand know what
Itheir left hand does
Wrong Man
You understand said the captain
that we want a secretary who is thor
oughly accustomed to managing men
In that case answered the appli
cant sadly Im afraid its not mo
you want but my wife
Money does all things It makes
honest men and knaves fools and
losophers LEstrange
The
crap
Book
In His Own Lino
Jim Jackson was brought before a
judge charged with chicken stealing
After Jacksons conviction the justice
with a perplexed look said
But I do not understand Jackson
uow it was possible for you to steal
those chickens when they were roost
ing right under the owners window
and there were two vicious dogs In the
yard
lilt wouldnt do yer a bit o good
Jedge for me to spin in how I kotched
dem chickens fer you couldnt do hit
yerself ef yer tried it fohty times an
yer might git yer hide full er lead Dc
bes way fer you ter do jedge is jes
ter buy yo chickens in do market same
ez odder folks does an when yer
wants ter commit any rascality do hit
on do bench whar yo is at home
BRAVE LOVE
Hed nothing but his violin
Id nothing but my song
But we were wed when skies were blue
And sununer days were long
And when we rested by the hedge
The robins came and told
How they had dared to woo and win
When early spring was cold
We sometimes supped on dewberries
Or slept among the hay
But oft the farmers wives at eve
Came out to hear us play
The rare old tunes the dear old tunes
We could not starve for long
While my man had his violin
And I my sweet love song
The world lias aye gone well with us
Old man since we were one
Our homeless wanderings down the lanes
It long ago was done
But those who wait for gold or gear
For houses and for kine
Till youths sweet spring grows brown
and sere
And love and beauty tine
Will never know the joy of hearts
That met without a fear
When you had but your violin
And I a song my dear
An Interruption
A little boy in his night dress was on
his knees saying his prayers and his
little sister could not resist the tempta
tion to tickle the soles of his feet
He stood it as long as he could and
then said Please God excuse me
while I knock the stuflin out of Nel
lie
The Mad Dog
William J Stevens for several years
local station agent at Swansea It I
was peacefully promenading his plat
form one morning when a rash dog
ventured to snap at one of Williams
plump legs Stevens promptly kicked
the animal halfway across the tracks
and was immediately confronted by
the owner who demanded an explana
tion in language more forcible than
courteous
Why said Stevens when the other
paused for breath your dogs mad
Mad Mad You double eyed
blankety blank fool he aint mad
Oh aint he cut in Stevens
Gosh I should be if any one kicked
me like that Everybodys
Politeness Pays
In one of the churches of New York
according to District Attorney Jerome
there was once an old woman who in
sisted on bowing her head every time
the name of Satan was mentioned dur
ing the service or sermon The rector
after noticing the eccentricity for
many months asked her Madam
why do you bow at the name of Sa
tan It is not customary you know
Oh I know that she said but it
doesnt cost anything to be polite and
one never knows what will happen
On the Job
A New York printer who occupies a
floor in Seventeenth street directed one
of his clerks to hang out a Boy Want
ed sign at the street entrance a few
days ago The card had been swing
ing in the breeze only a few minutes
when a red headed little tad climbed
to the printers office with tbe sign
under his arm
Say mister he demanded of the
printer did youse hang out this here
Boy Wanted sign
I did replied the printer sternly
Why did you tear it down
Back of his freckles the youngster
was gazing in wonder at the mans
stupidity
Hully gee he blurted Whv Im
the boy
And he was
A Sympathetic King
Louis Philippe knew that Marshal
Soult clung to power and that his fall
would be bitter to him but when the
time came the future ministers witL
Thiers at their head were assembled
at the Tuilleries while in the nexl
room Louis broke the news to Soult
The interview took a long time ami
the ministers were not without appro
hension Finally the door was opened
just enough to allow the kings queer
pear shaped head to pass and he wins
pered A little patience gentlemen
just a little patience We are weeping
together St Louis Globe Democrat
Couldnt Go to Egypt
All old gentleman advertised for an
agreeable companion to visit Egypt
with him This advertisement was
seen late at night by a young man
who had been dining freely He cogi
tated awhile and then told the club
porter to call a hansom The cab was
procured and with a little muscular
exertion on the part of the porter and
the cabby the young man was stowed
away in its recesses
He told the man to drive to the ad
dress given In the advertisement Ar
rived there he was assisted to the
pavement and with much dignity or
dered the cabby to practice on the bell
and knocker or the old fashioned resi
dence The advertiser stuck his ven
erable head out of the window and
after a parley conducted with explosive
Indignation which was met with un
milled assurance from the pavement
the ancle a came down and unbolted
the door When he had picked up tho
diner and stood him In Uie earner the
following conversation took place
Now sir what do you mean by
waking me up at this hour
Come tasshcr vertishment
Well sir this is no time to come on
such an errand What have you to
say
Ive come to tell youvery sor rj
cant go with you
A Volunteer
A darky preacher was lost in the
happy selection of his text which he
repeated in vigorous accents of plead
ing
Oh bredern at de las day deres
gwine to be sheep an deres gwine to
be goats Whos gwine to be de sheep
an whos gwine to be de goats Lets
all try to be like de 1 II white lambs
bredern Shall we be de goats sis
ters Naw wes gwine to be de sheep
Whos gwine to be de sheep bredern
an whos gwine to be de goats Talc
care ob youh souls sisters Remember
deres gwine to be goats an sheep
Whos gwine to be de sheep an whos
gwine to be de goats
Just then a solitary Irishman who
had been sitting in the back of the
church listening attentively rose and
said
Oill be the goat Go on tell us the
joke elder Oill be the goat Lip
pincotts
Ho Knew His Father
Suppose said a father to his little
you have half an apple and I
give you another half How much
have you
A whole apple said the boy
Well continued the father sup
pose you had a half dollar and I gave
you another half dollar What would
you have then
A lit promptly answered the boy
Passed In the Dark
It is said that General Knyphausen
who commanded the Hessian mercena
ries in America in 1775 knew little
about tho sea and less about geogra
phy On the voyage to America lie
was on Lord Howes ship where lie
passed several uncomfortable weeks
as the voyage was unusually long
Knyphausen was a martinet so far as
discipline was concerned ne had
strong scruples against interfering but
the time came when he could keep si
lence no longer He marched stiffly
up to the admiral and said My lord
I know it is the duty of a soldier to be
submissive at sea but being intrusted
with the troops of his serene highness
my master I feel it my duty to in
quire if it be not possible that during
the extremely dark nights we have
lately had we may have sailed past
America Detroit Free Press
Divorce Wanted
Scene Lawyers office Enter little
girl sobbing bitterly
Lawyer Why little one whats
wrong
Little Girl Are you Mr Blank the
lawyer
The Lawyer Yes What is it you
want
Little Girl I want sob I want a
divorce from my pa and ma
A Director of the Union Pacific
Pushing into the private car of Mr
Ilarrimau a messenger boy said
Ilello I got er telegram for Mc
Keen
You mean Mr McKeen interrupt
ed Mr Harriman with a frosty smile
Yep I guess so the head cheese of
the motive department
Mr Harriman took the telegram and
had it sent to Mr McKeen
What do you do he asked the lad
with a glance around at his compan
ions
Im one ofi the directors of the Un
ion Pacific said the boy taking the
challenge
What exclaimed Mr narriman
Yep I direct envelopes over at the
master mechanics office was the re
ply as the lad left the car
A Matter of Etiquette
The wedding ceremony was conclud
ed The proud but bashful bridegroom
hesitated and then leaned over and
whispered to the officiating clergyman
his natural tendency toward stuttering
increased by embarrassment Is it
to the bride
She Won Her Uncle
Uncle Harry was a bachelor and not
fond of babies Even winsome four-year-old
Helen failed to win his heart
Every one made too much fuss over
the youngster Uncle Harry declared
One day Helens mother was called
downstairs and with fear and trem
bling asked Uncle Harry who was
stretched out on a sofa if he would
keep his eye on Helen Uncle Harry
grunted Yes but never stirred from
his position in truth his ejes were
tight shut
By and by wee Helen tiptoed over to
the sofa and leaning over Uncle Harry
softly inquired
Feepy
No growled Uncle Harry
Tired ventured Helen
No said her uncle
Sick further inquired Helen with
real sympathy in her voice
No still insisted Uncle Harry
Dus feel bum hey
And that won the uncle Ladles
Home Journal
Scotch Ostentation
Boswell at a public dinner com
plained that he had his pocket picked
of his handkerchief Pooh said Dr
Johnson its nothing but the ostenta
tion of a Scotchman to let the world
know that he had possessed a hand
kerchief
r
igPK7rjj r
Se5SS
No Tyranny of Circumstances
Can Permanently Imprison a Determined Will
If jou are really determined to get ahead to accumulate some
thing to he one of the solid financial men of the community you can do it
1 utrt a ltttle sclf dciiiiil and tho conserving of your income until
you hnvn enough to irnke an investment then keep your money work
ing for jou
Even if your present income is small von can start a bank ac
count and build up for tho investment Start now
Safety Deposit Boxes 1 per Year
First National Bank -- McCook Nebraska
d9tSXSXSX
- y1 b i wi
We have in stock i fine assortment of
Wedding
s
IB
tationery
that cannot fail to please the most exact
ing It is correct as to texture and finish
in fact nothing is lacking that goes to
form the very latest in invitations and an
nouncements
The TRIBUNE Office
FRANKLIN
- DIRECTORS
JAS S DOYLE A C EBERT
In many respects the Toledo Blade is the most
remarkable weekly newspaper published in the
United States It is the only newspaper espe
cially edited for National circulation It lias
had the largert circulation for more years than
any newspaper printed iu America Further
more it is the cheapest newspaper in the world
as will bo explained to any person who will
write us for terms The news of the world so
arranged that busy people can more easily com
prehend than by reading cumbersome columns
of dailies All current topics made plain in
each issue by special editorial matter writfa
from inception down to date The only paper
published especially for people who do or do
uot read daily newspapers and iet thirst fori J
plain facts That this kind of a newspaper is
popular is proven by the fact that the Weekly j j
Blade now has over ljlXXJ jearJy subscribers
and is circulated in all parts of the United
States In addition co the news the Blade pub
lishes short and serial stories and many depart
ments of matter suited to every member of the
family Only one dollar a year
Write for specimen copy Address
THE BLADE
Toledo Ohio
McCook Laundry
G C HECKMAN Prop
Dry and Steam Cleaning and
Pressing
GATEWOOD VAHUfc
DENTISTS
Office over HcAdams Store Phone 190
Bar
0Vk
V FRANKLIN President A C EBERT Cashier
JAS S DOYLE Vice President
THR
CITIZENS BANK
OF McCOOK NEB
Paid Up Capital 50000 Surplus 12000
SVWW 1slwv
The McCook Tribune
Americas Greatest Weekly
The Toledo Blade
Toledo Ohio
The Best Known Newspaper in the
United States
Circulation 185000
Popular in Every State
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days Thursdays and Saturdays
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BARNETT
LI El
fc fMTTHHnMMf I I I 1 iJE
