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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 27, 1907)
Slj"'' " rEjfc ' , wyw?1 "" i' The Commoner. 13 BEPTEMBBtt 27, lttT. ? " Thoughts on a Variety of Things A few weeks ago the conspirator who concocts thoughts and near thoughts for this department, ex plained a difficulty ho was in and asked for advice. Tho difficulty is just this a son big enough to wear the pater's hose, neckties, shoes, etc. "What the pater wanted to know was how he could obviate tho difficulty. The answers have been numerous enough, but in most cases tho rem edy was worse than tho disease. For instance, one kind friend tells how he managed it under similar circum stances. "The son does not get out of bed of mornings until 6 o'clock," says he, "while I get up at 5:30." For the land's, sake! We never yet saw a pair of hose, a necktie, a pair of shoes, or any other article of wearing apparel that would im pel us to arise at 5:30 a. m. What we wanted was relief, not a new ad- dition to our troubles. boy's heart, ho can have everything dad's got, and then some. We'll go neckticless and Bookless and shirt less forever rather than let any one or all of those fleeting things inter fere with tho spirit of comradrio and good fellowship that now exists. No sir-ee! What wo want is some good natured scheme that will en able us to outwit tho youngster; something that will enable us to get ahead of him without entailing too much effort on our part. We are rapidly approaching that stage of the game when extra exertion results in shortness of breath and a desire to flop over on a cotfch and puff. Nothing we have roceived from well meaning friends seems to fit the case. Wo are" still -calling for help. " Another goo'd friend, anxious to help out, suggests a "community of interests." He says that he and his six grown sons hold practically everything in common, and that there is never any trouble. That sounds pretty good, and may work out all right, providing the six or seven have somewhere near the same taste in matters sartorial. But we can see wherein trouble is likely to arise. Suppose for instance that the sedate head of the family is the last to arise some morning, and Instead of apparel of simple design and quiet taste he finds nothing left but a pair of toothpick shoes, peg-top trousers of a vociferous plaid design, hose that would almost call out the fire department, a shirt vociferous enough to drown the strains of a street band, a flowing red necktie, one of those dinkey little white hats with a yellow band and turned down on the thumb hand side, and one of those abbreviated little coats that flare out around the skirt like tho bell end of- a tuba horn? Wouldn't a middle aged, gray haired, rather stout and somowhat slow moving father look pretty going down street rigged out like that now? Still another well meaning friend suggests that the father have a bureau drawer that can be locked, that he keep all his wearing ap parel therein, and that he carry the key himself. Not much! We tried that once.' One morning we woke up and dis covered that the missus had isent to the laundry all the washable cloth ing we had removed the night be fore. Blithely and, cheerily wo has tened to the trousers and reached for the key to the bureau drawer. But alas and alack! That particu lar key, together with all the other keys on the ring, was resting quiet ly on the desk In the office down town. It cost fifty cents and the loss of three hours of valuable time to have the keys brought out by a mes senger boy. Since then the drawer has been unlocked. We'll take our chances on finding something less rather than run the risk of having nothing at all. A. L. Bixby, better known as "Bix," one of the cleverest of the newspaper wits in this or any other country, is now touring Europe as the guest of a friend. "Bix," who conducts a column in the Lincoln, Neb., Daily Journal, intimated to a wealthy Lincoln banker, who happens to be a bachelor, that if he didn't know what else to do with his money he might devote a portion of It to paying the expenses of a hard work ing newspaper writer on a tour of Europe. The article was witty and full of genial humor, winding up with bit of verse that set the whole city to laughing. The morning the paper came out "Bix" was called" to the 'phone and heard the voice of his banker friend asking: "When can you be ready to start for Europe?" . "Bix" thought it a good joke, so he replied that he could be ready in a week. "All right," said the banker friend. "I'll be up with the money pretty soon." An hour later the friend walked into the office and slapped down $600 in gold on Bixby 's desk. "Have a good time, 'Bix'," said the banker. Then the banker turned and disappeared through the door before the astonished "Bix" could recover sufficiently to even stammer a word of thanks. As these lines are being written "Bix" is on the briny deep, and by the time they reach -The Commoner's half million readers "Bix" will be shedding tears over the ' tomb of Adam, or standing by the tomb of Shakespeare and mentally comparing the Bard of Avon to John D. Rockefeller. they aro confident that ho will make good in congress. Mr. Fulton comes of a republican family and was raised in Fawneo county, which is so overwhelmingly republican that only one democrat has been olectod to county office therein In thirty years. In 1894 Fulton, then only a year or two past the "voting ago, thought he would get into active pol itics. But he thought best to ask the advice of an old family friend, who happened to bo a democrat. "All right, Llnnic," said tho friend. "Every young man ought to take an interest in politics. But beforo you start out, Just ask your self, 'why am I a republican?' and then seek for tho answer." Fulton took tho advice, with the result that he couldn't find tho an swer. But ho found enough to con vince him that the party ho had affil iated with was not the party of his mature and thoughtful choice. When 189G, with its campaign of vindlc tivencss and enthusiasm arrived, Fulton enlisted under tho banner of bimetallism and he proved to bo a splendid recruit. In 1898 ho was nominated by tho fusionists for state senator from the district comprising Pawnee and Richardson counties, He had a majority of about 800 to overcome, and he came within less than forty votes of doing it. Ho car ried Richardson by a few voles and reducing tho overwhelming republi can majority in Pawnee by nearly 95 per cent. In tho meantime ho had been admitted to tho bar, and bo mo six or seven years ago packed up his law library and went to Oklahoma, locating in Oklahoma City. The same zeal and energy, and tho samo ability as a platform speaker,., soon made him a leader in the democratic army, and when the democrats of the Second district looked around for congressional timber they at once selected him. The selection was a compliment to Fulton, but It was more a credit to lhe democrats of the district. One gentleman who may mean well, but who must be a "dyspeptic, says "Issue your orders, then en force them with a club, if neces sary." , Now isnt that fine advice to give proud- father? -TWhy, bless- the J In order to save time the archi tect of this department seizes this opportunity to statQ that he will be able to start for Europe within twenty-four hours after some admir ing friend deposits $000 in gold, sil ver, greenbacks or national bank notes on his office desk. Indeed, he will undertake to star,t If only $575 is thus left. He wouldn't let any mere bagatelle like $25 stand in the way of .a tour of Europe. The election of E. L, Fulton to congress from tho Second Oklahoma district, while not a surprise is grat ifying to a big host of Nebraskans who have known the young man since early boyhood, and who have watched his career with interest and pride. Up here in Nebraska his old friends still call him "Llnnle," and The leaves are turning brown and falling. There is a text in this for a long sentimental article, but some how or other tho architect is not feeling sentimental this morning. He fixed up tho coal bin in tho collar last night, and on his way to work this morning he stopped in and or dered a couple of tons of coal cash in advance. Now isn't that enough to knock galley-west all the sentiment that even the most sentimental might possess? 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We haven't had much experience at golf, but it doesn't strike us as being in It with the old game of shinney. When a man gets his slippers on after supper it Is a wise wife that refrain's from suggesting that they make an evening call. TKAVEMNO POSITION with Tobacco Man. ufacturor now open, flood pay and promotion. If ltidtiiitrlonii and cncrKbllc, oxpcrt'Mico U not uocca nary. Danvlllo Tobacco Co., llox II&O, Danyllle.Vn. Nurseries Pay Cash Weekly and Want Mowt Sauwhzn Evwir- 1VHMS. UMT CONTKACT, BEflT UimTT, ' TjmorsTNUHSKi(lEwmi AN82-VKAM HKCOt. STARK BRO'S, LOUISIANA, MO. iirK PATENTS HKCUKKI) OIC FISH KKTUILNIM) Frco report as to Patontnbllity. JlliiKtratfld ffyldo Hook, and Lint of Invention Wanted, nent free. EVANS, 1VILKENS & CO., Washington, D. C. ' The First Battle A Story of the CanipHlffii 'of 1800 by W. J. KIIYAN A collection of his npccchcs and biographical kctch by hJe wife. Jl luHt rated octavo, 673 pages. 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