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The Commoner.
13
BEPTEMBBtt 27, lttT.
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Thoughts on a Variety of Things
A few weeks ago the conspirator
who concocts thoughts and near
thoughts for this department, ex
plained a difficulty ho was in and
asked for advice. Tho difficulty is
just this a son big enough to wear
the pater's hose, neckties, shoes, etc.
"What the pater wanted to know was
how he could obviate tho difficulty.
The answers have been numerous
enough, but in most cases tho rem
edy was worse than tho disease. For
instance, one kind friend tells how
he managed it under similar circum
stances. "The son does not get out
of bed of mornings until 6 o'clock,"
says he, "while I get up at 5:30."
For the land's, sake! We never
yet saw a pair of hose, a necktie, a
pair of shoes, or any other article
of wearing apparel that would im
pel us to arise at 5:30 a. m. What
we wanted was relief, not a new ad-
dition to our troubles.
boy's heart, ho can have everything
dad's got, and then some. We'll go
neckticless and Bookless and shirt
less forever rather than let any one
or all of those fleeting things inter
fere with tho spirit of comradrio and
good fellowship that now exists.
No sir-ee! What wo want is some
good natured scheme that will en
able us to outwit tho youngster;
something that will enable us to get
ahead of him without entailing too
much effort on our part. We are
rapidly approaching that stage of the
game when extra exertion results in
shortness of breath and a desire to
flop over on a cotfch and puff.
Nothing we have roceived from
well meaning friends seems to fit
the case. Wo are" still -calling for
help. "
Another goo'd friend, anxious to
help out, suggests a "community of
interests." He says that he and his
six grown sons hold practically
everything in common, and that
there is never any trouble.
That sounds pretty good, and may
work out all right, providing the six
or seven have somewhere near the
same taste in matters sartorial. But
we can see wherein trouble is likely
to arise. Suppose for instance that the
sedate head of the family is the last
to arise some morning, and Instead
of apparel of simple design and quiet
taste he finds nothing left but a pair
of toothpick shoes, peg-top trousers
of a vociferous plaid design, hose
that would almost call out the fire
department, a shirt vociferous
enough to drown the strains of a
street band, a flowing red necktie,
one of those dinkey little white hats
with a yellow band and turned down
on the thumb hand side, and one of
those abbreviated little coats that
flare out around the skirt like tho
bell end of- a tuba horn? Wouldn't
a middle aged, gray haired, rather
stout and somowhat slow moving
father look pretty going down street
rigged out like that now?
Still another well meaning friend
suggests that the father have a
bureau drawer that can be locked,
that he keep all his wearing ap
parel therein, and that he carry the
key himself.
Not much! We tried that once.'
One morning we woke up and dis
covered that the missus had isent to
the laundry all the washable cloth
ing we had removed the night be
fore. Blithely and, cheerily wo has
tened to the trousers and reached
for the key to the bureau drawer.
But alas and alack! That particu
lar key, together with all the other
keys on the ring, was resting quiet
ly on the desk In the office down
town. It cost fifty cents and the loss
of three hours of valuable time to
have the keys brought out by a mes
senger boy. Since then the drawer
has been unlocked. We'll take our
chances on finding something less
rather than run the risk of having
nothing at all.
A. L. Bixby, better known as
"Bix," one of the cleverest of the
newspaper wits in this or any other
country, is now touring Europe as
the guest of a friend. "Bix," who
conducts a column in the Lincoln,
Neb., Daily Journal, intimated to a
wealthy Lincoln banker, who happens
to be a bachelor, that if he didn't
know what else to do with his money
he might devote a portion of It to
paying the expenses of a hard work
ing newspaper writer on a tour of
Europe. The article was witty and
full of genial humor, winding up
with bit of verse that set the whole
city to laughing.
The morning the paper came out
"Bix" was called" to the 'phone and
heard the voice of his banker friend
asking:
"When can you be ready to start
for Europe?"
. "Bix" thought it a good joke, so
he replied that he could be ready in
a week.
"All right," said the banker
friend. "I'll be up with the money
pretty soon."
An hour later the friend walked
into the office and slapped down
$600 in gold on Bixby 's desk.
"Have a good time, 'Bix'," said
the banker. Then the banker turned
and disappeared through the door
before the astonished "Bix" could
recover sufficiently to even stammer
a word of thanks.
As these lines are being written
"Bix" is on the briny deep, and by
the time they reach -The Commoner's
half million readers "Bix" will be
shedding tears over the ' tomb of
Adam, or standing by the tomb of
Shakespeare and mentally comparing
the Bard of Avon to John D. Rockefeller.
they aro confident that ho will make
good in congress. Mr. Fulton comes
of a republican family and was
raised in Fawneo county, which is
so overwhelmingly republican that
only one democrat has been olectod
to county office therein In thirty
years. In 1894 Fulton, then only a
year or two past the "voting ago,
thought he would get into active pol
itics. But he thought best to ask the
advice of an old family friend, who
happened to bo a democrat.
"All right, Llnnic," said tho
friend. "Every young man ought to
take an interest in politics. But
beforo you start out, Just ask your
self, 'why am I a republican?' and
then seek for tho answer."
Fulton took tho advice, with the
result that he couldn't find tho an
swer. But ho found enough to con
vince him that the party ho had affil
iated with was not the party of his
mature and thoughtful choice. When
189G, with its campaign of vindlc
tivencss and enthusiasm arrived,
Fulton enlisted under tho banner of
bimetallism and he proved to bo a
splendid recruit. In 1898 ho was
nominated by tho fusionists for state
senator from the district comprising
Pawnee and Richardson counties,
He had a majority of about 800 to
overcome, and he came within less
than forty votes of doing it. Ho car
ried Richardson by a few voles and
reducing tho overwhelming republi
can majority in Pawnee by nearly 95
per cent. In tho meantime ho had
been admitted to tho bar, and bo mo
six or seven years ago packed up his
law library and went to Oklahoma,
locating in Oklahoma City. The
same zeal and energy, and tho samo
ability as a platform speaker,., soon
made him a leader in the democratic
army, and when the democrats of
the Second district looked around for
congressional timber they at once
selected him. The selection was a
compliment to Fulton, but It was
more a credit to lhe democrats of
the district.
One gentleman who may mean
well, but who must be a "dyspeptic,
says "Issue your orders, then en
force them with a club, if neces
sary." ,
Now isnt that fine advice to give
proud- father? -TWhy, bless- the J
In order to save time the archi
tect of this department seizes this
opportunity to statQ that he will be
able to start for Europe within
twenty-four hours after some admir
ing friend deposits $000 in gold, sil
ver, greenbacks or national bank
notes on his office desk. Indeed, he
will undertake to star,t If only $575
is thus left. He wouldn't let any
mere bagatelle like $25 stand in the
way of .a tour of Europe.
The election of E. L, Fulton to
congress from tho Second Oklahoma
district, while not a surprise is grat
ifying to a big host of Nebraskans
who have known the young man
since early boyhood, and who have
watched his career with interest and
pride.
Up here in Nebraska his old
friends still call him "Llnnle," and
The leaves are turning brown and
falling. There is a text in this for
a long sentimental article, but some
how or other tho architect is not
feeling sentimental this morning.
He fixed up tho coal bin in tho collar
last night, and on his way to work
this morning he stopped in and or
dered a couple of tons of coal cash
in advance.
Now isn't that enough to knock
galley-west all the sentiment that
even the most sentimental might
possess?
WE TRUST YOU
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C -PATENTS that PROTECT i
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B.a.AA.B.LACEV.Wiinlngion.P.P. lilib.im.
Brain Leaks
No loaf' is healthier than some
oread.
A consecrated life means a con
secrated purse.
Half the world wonders how the
other half lives.
When a man goes out looking for
advice he never hunts in vain.
Some men imagine they are good
just because they refrain from doing
evil.
A wife can manage a husband just
as long as she can keep him from
knowing that she is doing it.
4 dime's worth of flowers in a
sick room Is better than a beautiful
"Gates Ajar" floral offering on the
tomb.
We haven't had much experience
at golf, but it doesn't strike us as
being in It with the old game of
shinney.
When a man gets his slippers on
after supper it Is a wise wife that
refrain's from suggesting that they
make an evening call.
TKAVEMNO POSITION with Tobacco Man.
ufacturor now open, flood pay and promotion. If
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nary. Danvlllo Tobacco Co., llox II&O, Danyllle.Vn.
Nurseries Pay Cash Weekly
and Want Mowt Sauwhzn Evwir-
1VHMS. UMT CONTKACT, BEflT UimTT,
' TjmorsTNUHSKi(lEwmi AN82-VKAM HKCOt.
STARK BRO'S, LOUISIANA, MO.
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PATENTS
HKCUKKI) OIC FISH
KKTUILNIM)
Frco report as to Patontnbllity. JlliiKtratfld ffyldo
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EVANS, 1VILKENS & CO., Washington, D. C.
' The First Battle
A Story of the CanipHlffii 'of 1800 by
W. J. KIIYAN
A collection of his npccchcs and
biographical kctch by hJe wife. Jl
luHt rated octavo, 673 pages.
When the few copica I notr. hava
arc sold this book will bo out of
print.
Price, cloth bound, 91XO each,
went by mall ponIhkc prepaid,. A&
drcMM orderN, '
G. H. Walters
2245 Vino Street,
XJncoIn, Neb,
The Cost of a Piano
should not bo reckoned entirely ifpoli what yon
pay to get It, A very Important factor, as the years
pass. Is what you pay to keep It In order, and xnoro
Important still Is tho length of service and the
degree of satisfaction It gives you.
GABLER PIANOS
IN BORROWED IJVERY
"It often happens," said Uncle
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disagreeable." Washington Star.
while neither the hlhcst nor the lowest price, aro"
unHurparaed by any Instrument made In America
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Hbr each dollar expended. Tho "WAiiMR
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tone permanent through generation after KenerAtlon
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Investigate
Ernest Gabter&Bro.
' ' ESTABLISHED 1854.
500 Vhltlock Ave., Bronx Borough, H, Y.' City. .
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