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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 8, 1905)
w r r-w9-f - f "Tffjf FFnrjgp The Commoner. 12 VOLUME 5, NUMBEt 4J KSsSV fe IrV l Within the Legal Limit Ho worked his graft both night and day, Within the legal limit all the time. Ho worked bold schemes and made them pay Within the legal limit all the time. By graft he laid up lots of wealth, And profited by works of stealth, And well preserved his business health, Within tho legal limit all the time. He squeezed the poor on coal and meat, Within the legal limit all the time. He got his clutch on city street, Within the legal limit all the time. A franchise was a thing to buy By councilmanic juggle sly; And forced to bid he'd bid 'em high Within the legal limit all the time. A congress was a tool to use Within the legal limit all the time. He scattered tips, cigars and booze, Within tho legal limit all the time. By getting special laws to suit He made the public pay tribute, And profited by vicious loot Within the legal limit all the time. No scheme for wealth he thought too low, Within the legal limit all the time. He'd rob to make his fortune grow Within the legal limit all the. time. To give a bribe and not be caught Was not to be deplored, he thought. And men to bribe he always sought Within the legal limit all the time. read it?" T I've read Timely The government department offices were pouring forth their, crowds of workers, and the evening newspapers were already upon- the street. Na turally the street cars were crowded to the limit. The tall, thin man leaning against the front door was talking loudly. "Yes, sir; I read the message every word of it. I think every good citizen should read it carefully, but I war rant that I am the only man on this car who has done so." "Not much," growled the tired man huddled in the corner. "But how many have queried the tall, thin man. A dozen voices replied: it." "Who are you?" queried the tall, thin man. "I am the sending operator of the Associated Press," said one. "I am proof reader on the Post," said another. . "I am the news editor"of the Star," said another. "And I had to read it in order to write -an editorial saying it was the best ever," growled the chief editorial writer of the administration organ. , 1 "Gee, whiz!" ejaculated the tall, thin man. "What kind of a bunch have I struck?" ' "This car usually carries tho news paper crowd home," replied the con ductor, who looked up from his, pass book to make answer. At the next corner the tall, thin, man dropped off, muttering to himself. fto town and soon had a big gang of carpenters and "handy men" rushing up the old long shack that he called a skating rink? Remember how you watched the work and -wondered if skating on rollers was as easy as skat ing on ico? And then the good times you had after the rink was completed! O, my, but those are pleasant recol lections. And then you just thought to your self: "I wonder if I can skate now like I did twenty years ago? No sooner thought than tried. So in ytfu went and called for a pair, and you put them on and found that you could skate right out. A little slow. to be sure; and a shaky feeling in the ankles. But you could skate, just the same. And then you thought about the "Dutch roll," and the "outside edge," and the "grapevine,' and a dozen of the old tricks you used to do. "I'll just show some of these kids how I used- to skate," you thought. And then you made a dash and began and then Gee, but that was a Immp. You laid right there while those ill-mannered youths giggled, and you just couldn't get up for a minute. And when you did your head ached, and your bones ached and your back ached. It was an accident, of course. You could 3kate just as well as you ever am, or course. And you could make that giggling bunch of ill-mannered youths look like craven imaercm if you wanted to let yourself out and skate your best. Of course you could. That is you think you could. But you do not try. You're wise enough for that. You just skate pain fully over to the bench and take off those skates, and then you limp home ward. Y.ou merely don't skate any more because it isn't as much fun as it used to be. You miss the old crowd, the old smiles and the old games. Of course you feel just as young as ever. It isn't the feeling of age that makes the rink no longer attractive. O, no; not at all. But you are getting old', just the same. And that's what's the matter with you. that has wiped tho mouths of a hun dred or more men, and is always eager to grasp the one fork stuck An tho free lunch and used by every body." i Limericks There was a young man in Ky. Whose neighbors thought he was ly. But the young fellow knew That thiB was not trew That he was a worker and py. There was a young dude up in Me., Whose .actions gave good folks a pn. He tanked on root beer To make it appear That he was consuming en. I-' I c. Sad "Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving dinner, Bobbie?" "No'm." "Why not?" "'Cause they let me fill up on turkey'n and dressin' an' never told me 'bout th' plum puddin' that was comin'." Good Idea "I know how to complete that Pan ama canal in short order," said Wiggs. "Of course you do; you know every thing," growled Biggs. "But how would you do it?" "Send Hughes, the insurance inves tigator down there to take charge. He seems to know how to get at the bot tom of things." J. Just Thoughts The other day you happened by the old armory and heard a rumbling Our Queer Language "There," exclaimed. Mrs. Muchwod, "I've got that turkey dressed at last. Every feather is off." Then Mrs. Muchwed hastened into the nursery and worked for a half-hour over llttlo Ethel. "There; I've got you dressed at last," she exclaimed. "I've got all of your good clothes on ready for company n "I have Uncle Eben often noticed," remarked sound that had a reminiscent flavor. Uncle Eben as he replaced the lid of When you peeped in you Baw a sight tho crackorbox and found a place on that recalled old times, for you saw the grocer's stove for his wet boots, a dozen or more young folks on roller "that the man who goes to a hotel skates. land makes the most fuss about his O, my! But didn't that call up fond food and his plate and napkin and all recollections? Remember when that that sort of thing, never makes a 'bustling; uushinc: youne; fellow came kick about the towel In tho saloon Brain Leaks The genesis of every fad is foolish ness. The be3t way to avenge an injury is to forget it. Some men mistake mere stubborn ness for iron will. You can always get a good listener by feeding a hungry man. Every man is a patriot if he is al lowed to define patriotism. You can not repair a house by kicking at the foundations. The man who never tries is always complaining of a lack of opportunity. Better" overshoot the mark than to hit the ground in front of the target, Life is like a cistern if nothing is put into it, nothing can come out of it. It is a mighty ungrateful man who can not feel thankful that it was no worse. If good advice were meat and cloth ing what a happy old . world this would be. Some men offer the excuse that they said "Get thee behind me Satan," and were then shoved. Life may be a stage, and if it is we wish a lot of supes would quit trying to play the leads. There is a vast difference between money that is the master and money that is the servant. If young men had to reap all the wild oats they sow there would soon be a shortage of seed. The difference between Christianity and churchianity is usually discovered wTien it is too late. What has become of the good old woman who always insisted on having rabbit saddles for her mincemeat? Before we blame a boy for prefer ring the streets we make some in quiries about his home and his father. There are men who want to do such big things that they always overlook a lot of little things that would make a big aggregate. The man who has been caught in a bargain counter rush at a dry goods store can see no grounds for the pro test against football. . Whenever we hear a man railing and ranting against "yellow journals" we begin wondering what meanness he has been caught in. The thanksgiving that is based on what we receive will not provide the happiness of the thanksgiving based on what we have been enabled to do for others. The season of the year draws near when the wise husband will not notice any sudden flurry when he happens to step into the house. It means only slippers, or neckties, or smoking jacket Maupin Thinks That his book would make an excel lent Christmas gift for husband, wlfo son, daughter, sister, brother, uncle aunt, niece, nephew, sweetheart oi friend. It is a book of 250 nam cloth bound, .gold ruled cove. , fine na' per, and contains the best of Mr Maupin's poems, sketches, stories and Fables in Rhyme. "Whether Common or Not" Is a book that you will enjoy and which will give enjoyment lo vnnr friends. All orders received prior to December 25 will be , vc . a copy (full sheet mubic) of Mr. Maupin's song, "A Picture of My Mother When a Girl." One Dollar Book and song sent postpaid on re ceipt of tho price, $1.00. Address all orders to WILL M. MAUPIN, Lincoln, Neb. THE FLY The fly's capacity for crime is ex tended by its strength, which is rela tively nearly seven times that of a horse, for it can lift twenty times its own weight. It can absorb enormous quantities of oxygen, and is in fact a confirmed oxygen toper. The reprehensible habit of walking upside down on the ceiling, to which the fly is addicted, is due to its habit of exuding gum from each of tho 1,200 hollow hairs in its feet. The fly, too, has an evil eye, which is divisible Into several other eyes. It lias also 1,700 or 1,800 parts all connected with the olfactory nerves, and therefore possesses complete equipment for detecting unsound meat such as is given to no other living creature. Lecture of II. H. Hill in London. Coupon Free Sl.00 ENTITLING ANYONE WITH Rheu mat! to receive prepaid, Free to Try, a regular Dollar pair of Magic Foot Drafts and valuable new book (In colors) on rheumatism. Name. Address. Only one free pair to one address. If you havo rheumatism cut out this freo dollar coupon and send it to us with your name and address plainly written on tho blank lines. Return mall will bring youfree to try a Dollar pair of tho w mous Magic Foot Drafts, tho great Mlcni i can euro ror rnoumauam. aiv "y..i,nn I Ing very bad cases of every kind of : neu ter how severe. They aro curing cuea oi 80 and 40 years suffering, after doc wis and baths and medicines Had failed, bena us tho coupon today. When the ; f " come, try them. If you aro satisfied wiw the benefit e- celved then you can send us One Dollar. If no1 wo take your simple say so, and the Drafts ortoi- vou anso i. trviiif? lutoly nothing. t - a"t on that basls7 Our faith is stro w, they will euro you s? out out anu the coupon today to Magic Foot "rlIlgend XG9 Oliver Bldg., Jackson, Mien. no money just the coupon. " jf amrP'JL H 1W Hi' i;:h a t.i IT' it I ...u,A.,. ,V. ... . ..,.& .jf.L . m