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The Commoner.
12
VOLUME 5, NUMBEt 4J
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Within the Legal Limit
Ho worked his graft both night and
day,
Within the legal limit all the time.
Ho worked bold schemes and made
them pay
Within the legal limit all the time.
By graft he laid up lots of wealth,
And profited by works of stealth,
And well preserved his business health,
Within tho legal limit all the time.
He squeezed the poor on coal and meat,
Within the legal limit all the time.
He got his clutch on city street,
Within the legal limit all the time.
A franchise was a thing to buy
By councilmanic juggle sly;
And forced to bid he'd bid 'em high
Within the legal limit all the time.
A congress was a tool to use
Within the legal limit all the time.
He scattered tips, cigars and booze,
Within tho legal limit all the time.
By getting special laws to suit
He made the public pay tribute,
And profited by vicious loot
Within the legal limit all the time.
No scheme for wealth he thought too
low,
Within the legal limit all the time.
He'd rob to make his fortune grow
Within the legal limit all the. time.
To give a bribe and not be caught
Was not to be deplored, he thought.
And men to bribe he always sought
Within the legal limit all the time.
read it?"
T
I've read
Timely
The government department offices
were pouring forth their, crowds of
workers, and the evening newspapers
were already upon- the street. Na
turally the street cars were crowded
to the limit.
The tall, thin man leaning against
the front door was talking loudly.
"Yes, sir; I read the message every
word of it. I think every good citizen
should read it carefully, but I war
rant that I am the only man on this
car who has done so."
"Not much," growled the tired man
huddled in the corner.
"But how many have
queried the tall, thin man.
A dozen voices replied:
it."
"Who are you?" queried the tall,
thin man.
"I am the sending operator of the
Associated Press," said one.
"I am proof reader on the Post,"
said another.
. "I am the news editor"of the Star,"
said another.
"And I had to read it in order to
write -an editorial saying it was the
best ever," growled the chief editorial
writer of the administration organ. ,
1 "Gee, whiz!" ejaculated the tall,
thin man. "What kind of a bunch
have I struck?"
' "This car usually carries tho news
paper crowd home," replied the con
ductor, who looked up from his, pass
book to make answer.
At the next corner the tall, thin, man
dropped off, muttering to himself.
fto town and soon had a big gang of
carpenters and "handy men" rushing
up the old long shack that he called
a skating rink? Remember how you
watched the work and -wondered if
skating on rollers was as easy as skat
ing on ico? And then the good times
you had after the rink was completed!
O, my, but those are pleasant recol
lections. And then you just thought to your
self: "I wonder if I can skate now
like I did twenty years ago?
No sooner thought than tried. So
in ytfu went and called for a pair, and
you put them on and found that you
could skate right out. A little slow.
to be sure; and a shaky feeling in
the ankles. But you could skate, just
the same.
And then you thought about the
"Dutch roll," and the "outside edge,"
and the "grapevine,' and a dozen of
the old tricks you used to do.
"I'll just show some of these kids
how I used- to skate," you thought.
And then you made a dash and began
and then
Gee, but that was a Immp. You
laid right there while those ill-mannered
youths giggled, and you just
couldn't get up for a minute. And
when you did your head ached, and
your bones ached and your back
ached.
It was an accident, of course. You
could 3kate just as well as you ever
am, or course. And you could make
that giggling bunch of ill-mannered
youths look like craven imaercm if
you wanted to let yourself out and
skate your best. Of course you could.
That is you think you could.
But you do not try. You're wise
enough for that. You just skate pain
fully over to the bench and take off
those skates, and then you limp home
ward. Y.ou merely don't skate any
more because it isn't as much fun as
it used to be. You miss the old crowd,
the old smiles and the old games. Of
course you feel just as young as ever.
It isn't the feeling of age that makes
the rink no longer attractive.
O, no; not at all.
But you are getting old', just the
same. And that's what's the matter
with you.
that has wiped tho mouths of a hun
dred or more men, and is always
eager to grasp the one fork stuck An
tho free lunch and used by every
body." i
Limericks
There was a young man in Ky.
Whose neighbors thought he was ly.
But the young fellow knew
That thiB was not trew
That he was a worker and py.
There was a young dude up in Me.,
Whose .actions gave good folks a pn.
He tanked on root beer
To make it appear
That he was consuming en.
I-' I
c.
Sad
"Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving
dinner, Bobbie?"
"No'm."
"Why not?"
"'Cause they let me fill up on
turkey'n and dressin' an' never told
me 'bout th' plum puddin' that was
comin'."
Good Idea
"I know how to complete that Pan
ama canal in short order," said Wiggs.
"Of course you do; you know every
thing," growled Biggs. "But how
would you do it?"
"Send Hughes, the insurance inves
tigator down there to take charge. He
seems to know how to get at the bot
tom of things."
J.
Just Thoughts
The other day you happened by the
old armory and heard a rumbling
Our Queer Language
"There," exclaimed. Mrs. Muchwod,
"I've got that turkey dressed at last.
Every feather is off."
Then Mrs. Muchwed hastened into
the nursery and worked for a half-hour
over llttlo Ethel.
"There; I've got you dressed at
last," she exclaimed. "I've got all
of your good clothes on ready for
company
n
"I have
Uncle Eben
often noticed,"
remarked
sound that had a reminiscent flavor. Uncle Eben as he replaced the lid of
When you peeped in you Baw a sight tho crackorbox and found a place on
that recalled old times, for you saw the grocer's stove for his wet boots,
a dozen or more young folks on roller "that the man who goes to a hotel
skates. land makes the most fuss about his
O, my! But didn't that call up fond food and his plate and napkin and all
recollections? Remember when that that sort of thing, never makes a
'bustling; uushinc: youne; fellow came kick about the towel In tho saloon
Brain Leaks
The genesis of every fad is foolish
ness. The be3t way to avenge an injury
is to forget it.
Some men mistake mere stubborn
ness for iron will.
You can always get a good listener
by feeding a hungry man.
Every man is a patriot if he is al
lowed to define patriotism.
You can not repair a house by
kicking at the foundations.
The man who never tries is always
complaining of a lack of opportunity.
Better" overshoot the mark than to
hit the ground in front of the target,
Life is like a cistern if nothing is
put into it, nothing can come out
of it.
It is a mighty ungrateful man who
can not feel thankful that it was no
worse.
If good advice were meat and cloth
ing what a happy old . world this
would be.
Some men offer the excuse that they
said "Get thee behind me Satan," and
were then shoved.
Life may be a stage, and if it is we
wish a lot of supes would quit trying
to play the leads.
There is a vast difference between
money that is the master and money
that is the servant.
If young men had to reap all the
wild oats they sow there would soon
be a shortage of seed.
The difference between Christianity
and churchianity is usually discovered
wTien it is too late.
What has become of the good old
woman who always insisted on having
rabbit saddles for her mincemeat?
Before we blame a boy for prefer
ring the streets we make some in
quiries about his home and his father.
There are men who want to do such
big things that they always overlook
a lot of little things that would make
a big aggregate.
The man who has been caught in
a bargain counter rush at a dry goods
store can see no grounds for the pro
test against football.
. Whenever we hear a man railing
and ranting against "yellow journals"
we begin wondering what meanness
he has been caught in.
The thanksgiving that is based on
what we receive will not provide the
happiness of the thanksgiving based
on what we have been enabled to do
for others.
The season of the year draws near
when the wise husband will not notice
any sudden flurry when he happens
to step into the house. It means only
slippers, or neckties, or smoking
jacket
Maupin Thinks
That his book would make an excel
lent Christmas gift for husband, wlfo
son, daughter, sister, brother, uncle
aunt, niece, nephew, sweetheart oi
friend. It is a book of 250 nam
cloth bound, .gold ruled cove. , fine na'
per, and contains the best of Mr
Maupin's poems, sketches, stories and
Fables in Rhyme.
"Whether Common or Not"
Is a book that you will enjoy and
which will give enjoyment lo vnnr
friends. All orders received prior to
December 25 will be , vc . a copy
(full sheet mubic) of Mr. Maupin's
song, "A Picture of My Mother When
a Girl."
One Dollar
Book and song sent postpaid on re
ceipt of tho price, $1.00. Address all
orders to
WILL M. MAUPIN,
Lincoln, Neb.
THE FLY
The fly's capacity for crime is ex
tended by its strength, which is rela
tively nearly seven times that of a
horse, for it can lift twenty times its
own weight. It can absorb enormous
quantities of oxygen, and is in fact a
confirmed oxygen toper.
The reprehensible habit of walking
upside down on the ceiling, to which
the fly is addicted, is due to its habit
of exuding gum from each of tho
1,200 hollow hairs in its feet.
The fly, too, has an evil eye, which
is divisible Into several other eyes.
It lias also 1,700 or 1,800 parts all
connected with the olfactory nerves,
and therefore possesses complete
equipment for detecting unsound
meat such as is given to no other
living creature. Lecture of II. H.
Hill in London.
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