FOUR
TIIE ALLIANCE HERALD, NEBRASKA, FRIDAY, APRIL 9, 1920.
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Random Shots
AmuKlnK. Isn't It, when a man who
habitually uhpi the tactics of a Dago
Maekhander talki grandloielr of
"splintering Uncos on the Field of
Che Cloth of Gold."
Bless your heart, that was the
place where the fighting was done
7 men of honour.
The man who whetted a stiletto
to stick his opponent In the back
wasn't considered fit to be eren a
ponge holder.
Most folks hare just as high
Standards today and they feel the
sunt way about unfair fighting
methods.
The man who plays the game the
quarest will win out. And don't
you forget it.
We didn't Btart this "petty person
alities" stuff, Dennie Doy, remember
that But
We have an idea we can finish it.
We did before as you will recall.
We heard a rather interesting con
versation the other day. A preacher
called attention to the fact that B. S.
(you know who we mean a case
where a man's initials furnish a good
description of his nature) had been
appointed chairman of another fi
nance committee. This preacher was
asked why all this prominence
ahould fall on a man with strong
boulders and a weak mind, and this
was his reply:
"I think it was on account of his
war record."
And then everybody laughed.
Eren the preacher. For preachers
bare a sense of humor.
Then he qualified his statement:
"Well," he said, "he did buy Liberty
bonds and be talked a lot for the
loan drives."
In other words, free with the air
that he "hesitated" to fight to keep
free.
rage the latrine sergeant.
Let's talk about something more
appetizing for a while. But don't
think there's no more to come.
An Alliance school teacher Is still
fond of the military life. In talking
with a fellow slave, she said: "I
think military commands are Just
perfectly grand." (Bum, buti, buss
these busies represent the Inti
mate particulars.) "And then he gare
these commands," she continued:
"Attention!" Present arms!" "Fall
In!" "At ease!"
During "at ease," we hare been
glren to understand, you keep one
foot In place, but don't talk.
Today's Ilest Story
Two negroes were arguing about
their respectlre "toughness."
"Why, man, I'm so bad that where
I come from they calls me Wood
Alcohol."
"That's where YOU come from.
Where I live you'd answeh to de
name ob Sweet Cider."
Lumber dealers do hare some Joy
in life. An Alliance yard manager
was resting quietly in his upholstered
easy chair, back of the varnished
desk, and a friend came In.
"Want you to figure on a boat for
me,"tie said.
The manager arose, took out his
pad and pencil, and for thirty min
utes the air was full of talk about di
mension lumber, nails and calking
material. Finally a price was set.
"Where you going to use her when
you get her built?" was the query.
"I'm going to set up a ferry across
Box Butte avenue."
Then somebody swore.
We saw a picture of Bergdoll, the
nlimy slacker from Philadelphia, the
other day. His millions kept htm
out of war, by furnishing him means
to travel over the country. - He pre
ferred to run away rather than try
the exemption route.
No friend on the board, probably.
Yet he might have got away with
it. Others did.
Peculiar thing about Bergdoll's pic
ture. It shows that he has eyebrows
so heavy that they run clear across
the bridge of his nose, somewhat In
the style of a South African ape.
Justifies one In believing that this
streak of hair runs around the head,
down the neck and along the spine,
where It hides another streak of a
certain color that was particularly
unpopular during the war.
Where have we seen that style of
eyebrow before. You guessed It.
Wonder if
Again, let's talk of something
more appetizing.
Nother lumber dealer Joke: Man
ager Lucas was asked the other dar
to figure on a house. The builder
wanted a big cellar, he said a real
big cellar.
"Just how big?" asked Lucas.
"About twenty barrels long and
sixty quarts wide," was the reply.
He got it.
Did you read the apology?
Wasn't it a beauty? Talk about
kissing feet we'll say so.
Remarkable In that, Just twenty
four hours before It appeared, the
man who made It was spouting loud
ly that he was "unalterably opposed''
to the man to whom It was mad'?,
and saying other things.
Then came the apology. These
"trifling things" have been adjusted.
If we may be permitted to hnzar l
a guess, we'll say that it was printed
as written or dictated.
Not the first time, either.
Nor the last.
Always "for the good of the
town," so long as you guessed it.
Always remember, Sonny, that
you started all this. It's meaner
than we like to be but you had it
coming.
Those navy overcoats are bunchy
we'll admit that. And we do
huddle up on cold days and pay loss
attention to our appearance than th
average Boudoir Battler. There'B no
reason, in our case.
The man who never wore a uni
form can't appreciate how poorly
they fit. There are no real tailors
in the navy.
At that, we weren't so crippled
that the navy refused to accept us.
Yet one particularly stalwart,
lusty (especially in the lungs) fellow
lacked let's be kind and' say that
he lacked the desire to even face
an examining board.
An armchair warrior crippled in
the courage.
If this sort of stuff is what is
called "invective," we're full of it.
Ain't we "gifted?"
As we said before, we didn't start
this "personality stuff," but we have
a good hunch that we'll finish it.
We can give as good "invective"
as any South African Ape can send.
If more Is desired, there's one sure
way to get It.
We're set out to "wipe off that
smile," as they say in the service.
Foreign language to some people.
If this be advertising, make the
most of it.
We shall expect to read another
one of those editorials making a big
smypathy plea. It'll tell about an
ambition to make the city have 10,
009 population in three years, and
all the sob stuff stops will be pulled
clear out. It may fool two or three,
and it may not.
We almost forgot. Another fam
ily living at the corner of Third' and
Big Horn, is down on The Map as a
regular subscriber. They never
ordered it and it isn't delivered.
As one man publicly said at a
meeting not long ago: "Mr. Sallow
does not happen to be a gentleman.
Next week (If needed) our new
serial will begin: "The Hero of
Hundred Battles of the Boudoir."
For Sale Two six room houses
on Sweetwater. Modern except hoaL.
Price and terms right. See Nebraska
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Discount
-
Great RedmctioE
OF SURPLUS STOCK
Sale
25
Discount
We have 100 delivery of most of our Spring goods and having placed orders for large amounts anticipat
ing only about one-half to be delivered. We find that we are overstocked and are putting this large collec
tion of Women's, Misses', Childrens' and Infants' wearing apparel an sale at
LESS
than our remarkable low prices. All new goods, nothing carried over from last year in this stock.
25
Dresses and Frocks I Waterloo House , women, misses and children's I SKIRTS
FOR AFTERNOON, STREET DreSSeS Hosiery 200 SEPARATE SKIRTS .
DINNER OR PARTIES BUNGALOW APRONS SILK, LISLE, MERCERIZED QfAUthe Popular Shades and Models
PRICEsTlOO TO $95.00 TO $5.75 AND COTTON " AT S6.89 TO $60.00 '
25 Off Less 25 Less 25 Less 25
Every Suit
OF OUR NEW SPRING LINE GOES
INTO THIS SALE AT
25
LESS THAN THE VERY LOW PRICES THAT
HAVE MADE OUR GOODS THE TALK OF
THE TOWN :- : :- :- :
MILLINERY
NOW IS THE TIME TO GET THAT NEW HAT AT PRICES THAT
WILL SHOW A BIG SAVING ON ANYTHING THAT
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO BUY LATER
ALL OUR WOMEN'S AND CHILDREN'S READY-TO-WEAR HATS AT
25 Discount
COATS
FOR ALL OCCASIONS OF THE NEW AND
STAPLE FABRICS IN THE DESIRED SHADES
SIZES 16 TO 48
25 Off
PRICES THAT ARE NOT TO BE DUPLICATED
Have the workmen stop that are putting in the new work in front of the store, so you can get in, or
come to the door on the north side.
25 discount on every
thing in the house.
'ffigMaed-HoBoway Co,
Nothing reserved in this
25 Discount Sale.
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