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About The Alliance herald. (Alliance, Box Butte County, Neb.) 1902-1922 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 30, 1917)
ALLjAWCj HERALD, THURSDAY, AUGUST 80, 1917 Charley Chaplin's Comic Capers Had Water On The Brain C.pyrlgM. 19H my J. Kssley. II MADE THAT 5 BUCKS C f7ZZZ?t ICHARtlE! CHflRUfc -mT' WZg -u BOOoH Hf 5 ONLY DRANK EASY I TOLD THC Gf Ks) ARU QUICK ! HURRY ! YCM .V0 0 UgES 5 ? MINUTES AN' NOW THE vCfff should DftMK 0-- Gorri GO back r t I j"53 MSB Sr0llB Vyvell is aii nay s SSnWatm an H0Wfi?O .0WF ro MINK) )UJL l & PPjg VaL V j TELEPHONE THREE-FOUR-OUGHT HERALD (BLA9 Do you want to Buy a dog? Rent a house? -Find a ring? Sell a boat? Trade horses? Hire a cook? Secure a position? 1 If your want is worth wanting, it is worth spending a few cents in these columns. For Rent FURNISHED ROOM FOR RENT Lady preferred. 308 Big Horn venue 38-tf-8517 FURNls1lF3r"ROO!OoT7 gentleman. Modern, private home. Phone 175. 408 Sweetwater Ave. IO-tf-8446 For Sale HIGH (HtADE second-hand auto- ftt . ., luuuue i or nh cneap. zticoiai mz Son. 37-tf FOR HALF. Re-cleaned seed wheat 12.00 per bUBhel. Rye $1.60 per buBhel. J. A. KEEGAN. 38-tf-8554. Boil, fonced. The price la low, on easy terms. Owner will show the land. Address Box 8487 i-o Alli ance Herald, for full information, or call at Herald office. 35-41-8467 Five Cents per Line Count Six Words to a Line No Advertisement taken for Less Than 15c For Sale, or will Trade for Farm A practically new H ART-FA RR OIL TRACTOR: 40 on the belt, 27 draw bar. "Money Maker" Thresher, 29 Spec ial by 48. Oliver No. 6. 6 -bottom 14-inch En gine Gang Plow. This is a bargain if taken at once. Write G. W. Little, Box 4th Ave. 35th St., Council Bluffs, Iowa. FOR SALE Oood section of land! Located ten miles southeast of Bing ham, Nebraska. Price only $4 500. Address or see Louise Harp, Bing ham. Nebraska, for particulars. 38-lt-9515$ Wanted FOR SALE High grade typewrit er carbon paper. The kind that gives you a clear duplicate. The Alliance Herald. Phoue 340. lass, high-grade automobile for sale cheap. Used but in excellent condi tion. Nicolal son. 37-tf FOR SALE House, Ave rooms ml bath, on Big Horn. Address Box 8542, care Alliance Herald. 37-tf-8542 FOR SALf AT EXEcljTOlTs SALE Two residence properties lo cated as' follows: Lots five and six iu block six, Wyoming addition to City of Alliance. The residences are composed of three and five rooms. These residence properties must be "sold. Inquire of L. A. Berry, Room '). Rumer Block, Alliance. Nebraska. Phone 9. 8287-23-tf FOR SALE Typewriter ribbons for all makes o typewriters. Type writer and pencil carbon papers. Typewriter paper and second sheets. Herald Publishing Co. Phone 34 0. "TATSonFolsTLC Th ilnest land in Box Butte county. Ev ery foot can be plowed. Level. Four quarter-sections. 640 acres, in two tracts of 320 acres Ms). Located west of Hemingford. One tract has wind mill and good well. Excellent WANTED Man and wife to work on ranch. Permanent place If you suit. C. E. Clough, P. O. Box 104 7. 34-H-8462 WANTED For office work. A capable young lady who can keep a simple Bet of books, whose penman ship is good, who can operate a type writer with proficiency (shorthand not necessary) and who cau handle collections and other outside work of that nature. Position is perman ent to a capable person. Address Box 4231, care Alliance Herald, giv ing full particulars, or phone 340. 37- tf-4231 WANTED To drive with party by auto from Alliance to Denver about . September 1st. Will either pay my share of the expense or will drive the car. B. Domarian. 421 West Third St., Alliance. 38- 21-8549 Lost and Found FOUND Rim holder and nut from Stanweld automobile demount able rim. Owner may have same by calling at Herald office and payinK I for this ad. 37-tf-8503 I TONSWTtHPkEY amTa I bunch of keys. Owner may have 1 same by calling at The Herald of ' il e, identifying the keys, and pay ling the cost of this want ad. HER ALD PUBLISHING COMPANY. 34-tf-8469 LOST An automobile crank for a Crow-Elkhart auto. On Alliance street. Reasonable reward for re turn to The Herald office. 38-tf-8516. LOST Auto casing, inner tube and rim complete. Size 32x3 inches. United Slates make, smooth tread, between Alliance and Hay Springs. Suitable reward for recov ery. Return to Rumer Motor Com pany. Alliance, or W. H. Bell, owner, Gordon, Nebraska. 37-4t-8510$ ere's no false modesty about this want ad page. No legitimate propo sition need hesitate to launch forth to find a response. JNeed not even sign your name u: address. This office receives and holds replies for you, LOST. STRAYED OR STOLEN Three head of cows,, branded O over S on left hip, and one red cow brand ed M on hip; also three head of calves with no brands. A good re ward will be paid for any informa tion leading to their recovery. Ad dress any information to O. R. Rob erts, Lewellen, Nebraska. 34-tf-8472 FOUND A casting, evidently pan of a tractor or other large piece of farm machinery, on road leading to Alliance, by members of The Her ald force. This casting is evidently badly needod by someone and any one knowing to whom It belongs will confer a favor on the owner by ad vising him that it Is at The Herald office, where it can be secured by calling for it and paying the costs of the insertion of this want ad. HER ALD PUBLISHING COMPANY. 34-tf-8471 Miscellaneous Calling cards lor the ladle ar printed promptly and neatly at Th Herald office. The prices are reas onable. Phone 340 for samples an prlcev or call at the office MOVE FURNITURE SAFELY We have equipped our dray wag ons and auto truck with the latest appliances for moving furniture without marring or scratching or do ing damage. Up-to-date wagon pads will be used by us on all moving Jobs. JOHN R. SNYDER. Phone 16 37-tf-5950 The Government needs Farmers us well as Fighters. Two million three hundred thousand acres of Oregon and California Railroad Co. Grant Lands. Title revested in United States To be opened for homesteads and sale. Containing some of best land left in United States. Large Copyrighted Map, showing land by sections and description of soil, cli mate, rainfall, elevations, tempera ture, etc. Postpaid. One Dollar. Grant Lands Locating Co. Box 610, Portland. Oregon. ' 31-13t-8446 "IF THE HHOK FITS YOU THEN WEAR IT" By ADAM LIAR Why Not Barber Potea? To use the words of Harry Jolson and by special permission of the Board of Health and the approval of the National Board of Sonseless shlp, I will introduce to you this day for the first time in Alliance a brand-new ballad, entitled, "As Long as the Girls Wear Red, White and Blue Stockings. I'll Stand by. the Flag." o A i;al Fine Point We were discussing the proposi tion of advertising when he admitted that he secured his wife through an advertiBement. I said, "Then o must admit that it pays to adver tise." He said, "Well. I'll admit it gets results." o Didn't "Try It ou the Dog" One of my friends, who helps me frequently with dope for this col umn, demands that I "take a shot" at the woman who hailed an Alliance man one morning quite recently as he was coming down to work in his new 1918 model. Yes, she hailed him. He Btopped. She climbed in to the car and into the seat beside him. Then she pulled out a tooth brush and began to polish her tusks, meanwhile entertaining the driver with a choice line of the latest gos sip much of which was garnered from this column. That was sure tough, old boy, but maybe she fig ured it was "better late than never," and I'll say It would have been much more unusual if she had mani cured your teeth instead of her own. A Strong Su(o)u Homebody called them Exemption glasses, Hut he was wrong. , He didn't have it Figured out right. Yew, these awfully Hot, sunshiny days In Alliance this summer Have been partly To blame. Did you know that The oculists have all Heen busy this summer Furnishing smoked glasses To the young chaps, and Home of tiie old ones, too. Hmoked glasses and Transparent C-more skirts Are both mighty popular With the opposite sexes. For, ss one of the IL A. B.'s said, "It is hard To look directly at The sun for long Periods." So he (ot some glasses. Yea, sir. . How Did He Know? There were three of us in the crowd. You know just three will make a crowd and a big one some t. nmes Well, we were standing on the corner up on unpaved Box Butte where East Third runs. Into it and where automobiles connect with the dummy copper or rather, where they used to until that man from An tkoch ran into the thing and laid it out. Anyway, she went tripping by. One said, "They tell me she is quite an artist " I said, "Really?" Then the third In the party remarked, "Yes, sir, she can draw more flies." Feed Him Anyway When she told her husband that owing to the war she was going to give him one beefleBS day a week. He said he wished he could believe it, but as sho'd been beefing to him about something every day since they were married, he guessed she could n't cut It out now. even for one day. Hut They Like It But talking about beef makes me think of something raw, and talking of something raw calls to mind what they told me he said about this col umn. He dropped into the news stand looking for a sight. They com plimented him on his sight and he admitted it was pretty good. Then someone said A da ru Liar was getting off some hot stuff these days. His face colored up and he said, "Yes, the old fences; but some of It is terribly raw." Then And where'er he travels the fighting commences. And now he Is premier, succeeding 1 Lvoff, And wields as much nower as Nick Romanoff. He's Poo Bah of Russia and holds erery post: They toast him serenely, for he is some host. He's doing more work than fifteen common mensky. 'Twould be "taps" for Russia with out M. Kerensky I.LjT Column For the Dentist' Sake New Dentist (in Froten Dog) Will you take gas? Broncho Bill Will it hurt much if I don't r New Dentist It will. Broncho Bill Then, stranger, M your sake I reckon I'd better take U7T elumn The Game Was Just Hejrun They arrived hurriedly at the fifth inning. "What's the score, Jim?" he asked a fan. "Nothing to nothing," was the re Ply. "Oh, goody!" she exclaimed. "We haven't missed a thing!" Ufjd'a olumn Just Paging the Pup A bellhop passed through the hall of the hotel whistling loudly. "Young man," said the manager Bternly, "you should know that it is against the rules of this hotel for an employee to whistle while on duty." "I am not whistling, sir." replied the boy. "I'm paging Mrs. Jones' dog." 1.1o4' Column The Mining Bus4new "Well, Rastus, I hear you are work ing again. What business are you engaged in?" '"I'Bfl done be engaged in de min ing business sub." "What kind of mining are you do ing, gold, silver or diamond?" "1'se doing kalBominlng, sab." I.lnn" Column The Crooked World Said the teacher to the little He- "Ikey is the world fiat or he went out to cook the mutton. o Well Informed "I understand his wife has mon ey." "He understands it, also." O' A Slumber Poem? A number of Alliance people have "moderinlzed" their homes this sum mer by the addition of sleeping porch os and other fadB of that nature among them being The Herald's edi tor (he'll probably raise the d tok ens with me for telling this). I hap pened down to his place the other morning. ! guess that he thought he was alone, anyway he was recit ing poetry in a mournful, tuneful tone. I am not much good at poet ry, but as near as I can remomber his slumber poem wont like this: I like to s noose on the sleeping porch Where the wind can blow my nose, And the crickets come to warble some And the bugs to bite my toes. Oh, I used to cling to that cosy couch Till the wane of the paling stars, But now I can snore no more at four My neighbors have oil bought cars. Prompt with the primal shaft of light A do7.en doors are slammed, And the owners proud, comment loud On their benzine buggies damned. Then they wind 'em up till the engine start To snozzle and sneeze and Biiort, And I bury my head beneath the bed It's a grand little indoor sport! I'm a peaceful guy, but I'm planning now To parley with Old Doc Mars. And get me a gun for ev'y one Of my neighbors who purchased cars, For all they do in the early hours Is play with the peaky things. An automobile is a joy a-wheel But the oriole sweeter sings! Honest About It It is said that in the midst of the recent draft examination one young man blurted out, when he was asked if there was anything he knew of brew boy: wrong with him physically, "H --, round? no. I'm all right, only cold feet." "It ain't needer vun, teacher," said o Ikey. All Hall the Chits! "But what is it, Ikey." asked the Miss Helen Damnation, not a perm teacher in surprise, "lr it neither ament resident of Alliance, smoked ' round nor flat?" a cigarette in public on unpaved Box Butte avenuet Wednesday evening and thereby fell into the (official) care of Chief of Police George Sny der. But Helen didn't care and "Veil," said Ikey with conviction) "mine fader he says it vos crooked." I.la"a olumn A Pleasant Prospect The barber was finishing lathering and even when being escorted to the a customer, and was talking volubly mmmmm mIi m . r A In t I... ...... . ..i... t . uiiiuii d naiu ill luv- VII BUv ' an UBUKI. continued to puff and embarrassed "Yes, Blr." he said; "we have to tne cniei Dy mowing rings unaer nis mind whai we're about here. Every nose. When brought before Police Magis trate Roberts she touchingly confid ed, "I work every day. honey bunch." But when she saw the judge blush at her rerms endearment she apolo gized thusly: "I didn't mean to call time we cut a customer's face we are fined a 'tanuer,' and it we make an ugly gash it costs us a boh,!" Then, picking up and brandishing NMOr, he added: "But I don't care u hang today. I've just won a 'quid.' you honey-bunch. It was my ignur-! Nalesnianahrp ance that made me say that, dearie, j Moses kept a second-hand clothes Listen dear " shop. and on leaving it in charge of "Now, said the judge, assuming his son Ikey during the dinner hour his sternest and most judicial mien, .imparted to him the fact that on the "you listen to me. You arc to leave price ticket one dot represented one town on the first train out. The dollar, two dots two dollars, and so complaint against you will be dts- on. Reutrning, Moses, inquiredof missed if you will favor us by depart- ,hls son: ing hence to other parts." j "Haf yo h id any customers, Ikey, "Gladly I will go, dearie." she ans- yat ? wered the judge as she swap ten I "Yes, Kad r. I have sold d" gray from the court room and blew a kiss coat and veal for eight dollars.'' this time at the chief who again "Veil, veil, now, you did goot busi matched the judge's complexion by a ness, for it was only five dollars." heavy blush. Seldom do the Allian-1 "No, Fader, I kept the ticket, see; it has eight little dots here." The old Jew scratched bis head, and smilingly remarked: "Jubilee. Jerusalem! 1 vill never kill another fly." Mayors Osbmbb The Ru ruing Flame "What would do if I turned you down?" she asked shyly, as they sat on the parlor sofa. The young man looked straight a head, but said nothing. After a few moments of alienee she nudged hint with her elbow and said: "Didn't you hear my question?" He looked around apprehensively. "I beg your pardon," he replied. "I thought you were addressing the gas." ce officers 'have such a difficult case to handle and it would have been difficult if this story was true, but dear reader, I just had to fill this : space some way and so entertained I you for a minute by dreaming a day dream of how I would like to have it I were I the chief of police and a barh ! elor at that. Lloyd's Column Kereneky The Slavs seem to be about done for and, thensky. We hear from the camp of the dash ing Kerensky. j He meets up with trouble reviver Krakokoff. Ami promptly proceeds to knock that party's block off. He talks to the rebels and they shoutovitrh And call him a sport and good scout 1 ovltch, Cure for Cholera Morbus "When our little boy, now seven yeurs old, was a baby he was cured of cholera morbus by Chamberlain's Colic. Cholera and Diarrhoea Reme dy." writes Mrs. Sidney Simmons. Fair Haven, N. Y. "Since then oth er members of my family have used this valuable medicine for colic and bowel troubles with good satisfaction tn f wlujllv a. n Hnraa it uu u rom sr They swarm to the colors and once' ... . .. oT.TZvTS " . ,i riri)iiuiiiii iiiern I'oiuimioiu moie i ney uowsm And that is the end of auother Russ rowski. He's here and he's there patching up everywhere. Adv aug Herald ads bring results, in the next issue. Try one