Ml MI Ml
was hidden beneath the piano when
her mother heard her xolaim, "Oh.
mother, there's enough dust nad.
here for God to make a man!"
11
t
h
H
I i .
-I'll
m
UK
llo0 Column
In one of the AlNaoe schools the
reading about a kins rf olden tune
who wna crwl. The puolls were
asked to describe the kin;. One enid,
"Be was a heRrtle Wlow." Sa!d
the teacher, "Dot that mean that
as had no heart?" Ose li'tle fel-
Ww raliHMl his hand mI siiid, "lie
bad a heart but he (114 nut use It."
A number o the toiM-h" wcw dla-
wiwing this Inter wa twy were
sMed, "Is that tJie wits, you
teachors?" "No," ooe rolled, "we
bare hearts butu we have no oppor
tunlty to use thorn here." Just what
sWe meant by that Is problematical
Since time lnnnomorw iiMnd men
who wander alone reqsfcre a stick
or cane with which to find their way
about and avoid running into objects
their path. We saw a man re
cwitly who poswfiww he unaimial in
telligence of the blind and puts it
to extra good advantage. He In a
great smoker of cigara. A friend
give hun a rittswuirRn stogie one
day to smoke. He lit the stogie,
placed It la hl mouth aod started
walk around the room. The abo
de, aa most of them are, was about
three feet in hniRth and xtenld
in front of him guard ; hi iu from
striking ohjwts. Since Ut day he
has taken to smokine; atonies and
A longer carries the cane. '
A Boston clergyman' tells this sto
ry: "While in a New J enter town
lately I noticed large ttoxtcro an
Bouncing a lecture Umis:
I At Y. M. C. A. ItaM
j HEIJi
V It Location and Certainty.
"And immediately following In equal
ty bold typpep was thia:
1 ELL MOTHER I'LL OK THKUB
, " will be sun Mr
Mr. Gerald HarvU."
The waiter who hawk out his or
er to the cook la the Utcbeo may
won be as extinct ax the dodo; but
kts cries should live forever.
"Mutton broth in a frurry. says
a. customer. "Raa-lWa u the rain!
Make htm run!" shouts tike waiter.
"Beefsteak and on loan. says a
svstomer. "John UuU! Make him a
finny!" shouts the waiter.
"Where's my baked potato?" asks
a customer Mrs. Murphy in a
sealskin coat!" shouts the waiter.
"Two fried eggs. Don't fry 'era
too hard," aays a cuhIubht. "Adam
and Eve In the garden Leave their
wyes open!" shouts the waiter.
"iVtached eggs on toast, says a
customer. "Bride and groom on a
raft In the middle of the ocean!"
shouts the waiter.
"Chicken choquettw," says a cus
tomer. "Fowl Bawl!" shouts the
wuiter.
"Hash," says a customer. "Gentle
inan wants to take a ckance!" aays
the waiter. "I'll have hash, too,1
ays the next customer. "Another
sport!" shouts the waiter.
"Glass of milk." soys a oustomer.
"Lot it rain!" shout the waiter,
"Frankfurters and sauerkraut, good
and hot." says a cus'omer.' "Fldo,
8hep and a bale of hay I" shouts the
waiter; "and let 'em stasis."
Chestnuts
The corn crop of a certain western
county is nearly a total failure this
year. One morning a short time ago
a farmer took a sack and went to
his sixty acre sweet ourn field to
see if he could find enough roasting
ears tor a meal. In going over the
field he found that each ear had on
ly a couple of rows of corn, so he
cot the com off the om!m and had It
cooked for dinner.
About dinner time a roanc fellow
who Uvea near drove sp, and the
farmer Invited him t stay. At the
table he passed the osr to the
youag man first, and the visitor took
as spoonful of corn and started to
. take another, when the fanner stop
ped him and said, "Deat you think
you are going a Utile strong on the
corn?"
rhe young man was very much
embarrassed. "Why?" he stammer.
d.
"Well, you have aboat fifteen a
cres of corn on your plate now."
Alice, aged five, was helping her
another dust the drawing room. She
A man passing a saloon was aud-
rterly s'artled by a figure fling out
of the door and landing In heap
m tU- sidewalk.
You have been thrown out," ob
served a passer-by.
"Yes," said the victim, "but you
wait! There are four of them in
there. I am going 'n right now to
hrcw them out one by one; stand
by tnd count."
The man reentered the saloon, and
at once II re was a om motion in
side, and gaaln a man came flying
out, Hghtlng not too gently on the
Flcewa'k.
"ONE!" cried the counter.
"Never mind counting," said the
voice from tho sidewalk; it's me a-
galn."
The young lawyre hda Just opened
hLr office, and his shingle, the paint
scarcely dry, hung outside the door.
A fttep was heard, and the next
moment a man's frame was silhouet
ted again Ht the ground glass of the
door.
Hastily the legal fledgling stepped
to his brand now telephone and, tak
Ing down the receiver, gave every
appearance of being In a business
conversation.
Yes, Mr. Brown," he was saying,
as the man entered, "I'll attend to
that corporation matter for you. Mr.
Martin had mo on tth e'phone this
morning and asked me to settle a
damage suit for his railroad, but '
hud to turn him down I'm so rush
ed with oases just now. But I'll at
tend to your matter, although I'll
have to sandwich it In somewhere
between my other cases. Yes, yes,
All right. Good-by."
And, hanging up the receiver, he
turned to his visitor, having, as be
thought, duly impressed hi in.
"Excuse me, Mr. Young," the man
apologiaed, "but I'm from the tele
phone company, I've come to con
nect up your 'phone."
When the agoni paid Mrs. Stone
the amount of insurance her husband
had carried, he aaked her to take
out a policy on her own Ufe.
I believe I will," she Bald. as
my husband had such good luck."
f i iisiiysi ivyiivyiivyi i iiiimii i v j iiiiii iii i i
ZJZJ LZDLJUUULJ wuuuuuuu
Avoid Sedative Cough Medicines.
If you want to contribute directly to the
occurrence of capillary bronchitis and pneu
tnonia, tue cough medicines thnt contain
cod in, morphine, heroin and other sedatives
when you have a cough or cold. An expec
torant like Chamberlain's Cough Remedy is
what is needed. It cleans out the culture
beds or breeding places for the germs of
pneumonia and other germ disease, mat
is why pneumonia never results from a cold
when Chamberlain s Cough remedy is used,
It has a world wide reputation for its cures.
It contains no morphine or other sedative.
for sale by all dealers. Advertisement.
GET SIX GEESE
Win. Klentop and Chase Feagms
made a short trip to Traynor lake
late Monday evening, securing six
geeae and returning by midnight. The
boys say the total weight of the
goose was 66 pounds.
Seats for the Junior Play are thlr
ty-flce cents.
WILL BE AWARDED TO THE 15 CLUB
HEMBERS WHO ARE LIVE WIRES
Are you o live wire?
If you are, you can get some of those extra credits
To the club member who turns in the largest amount of money on sub
scriptions between Saturday, November 22nd and Saturday, November 29th,
inclusive, we will give
25,000 Extra Credits
SBSBSSfSSSSSSSWSWHSSSMSSiaSSSaBSSaaSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSfSSSSSSSSB
To the member who turns in the second largest amount of money on sub
scriptions in the above stated time we will give 23,000 EXTRA CREDITS.
The member who turns in the. third largest amount of money during that
time we will give 22,000 EXTRA CREDITS, and so on down to the one who turns in the
fifteenth largest amount who will get 10,000 Extra Credits.
A Full Schedule of these Prize Ballots is Given Below
This is your one grand opportunity. If you have been a little behind, this
offer will give you an excellent chance to get up among the topnotchers. Take
advantage of it and do your best work this week. HUSTLE.
1st prize
2nd prize
3rd prize
4th prize
5th prize
6th prize
7th prize
8th prize
SCI-IBIDTJLE OP PieiZB BALLOTS
2 5, coo Extra Credits
23,000
22,000
21,000
20,000
19,000
18,000
17,000
9th prize
10th prize
1 ith prize
1 2th prize
13th prize
14th prize
15th prize
Total
16,000
15,000
14,000
13.000
12,000
1 1,000
10,000
256,000
1
PRIZES
STERLING GREENHOUSES
AND GARDENS
Always ths Freshest and Best of
Flowers Cut the day we ship You
can't entertain Thanksgiving without
Flowers. Don't try it Prices mod
erate, always.
C. B. JOHNSON, Propr.
FIRST PRIZE
A fully equipped 1914 five passen
ger 'Ford. Now on display at Lowry
& Henry's Garage. Purchased of
Lincoln Lowry.
If You Want
R
E
S
YOU can get
them by ad
vertising an this
paper. It reaches
the best class oi
people in this
community.
Use this paper if
you want some
of their business.
8ECOND PRIZE
A beautiful diamond ring weighing
lightly over a half karet. Purchas
ed of and now on display at Hol-
sten's.
FREE 5 CREDITS FREE
Good For 5 Credits
For..
THIRD PRIZE
A standard 15 jeweled watoh. Pur
chased of and now on display - at
Barnes Jewelry store.
Use This Paper
A cash
Commission
of 10 percent
to every
candidate
who does
not win a
prize and
whq makes
cash report
each week
Address '
To count, must be turned in by Nov. 29th. Do not
wad or roll. Send to "Universal Club" Manager,
care of The Herald, Alliance, Nebraska.
CREDIT SCHEDULE FOR WEEKLY HERALD
Showing value of subscriptions In Credits, from one to ten years.
Old subscribers are those who are now getting either paper, new sub
scribers are those who are not now taking either paper. We give twice
aa many. Credits for new subscribers as for old. Draw an X through
OLD It the subscriber Is a new one and an X through NEW if he ts an
old one.
FOURTH PRIZE
A standard watch of slightly less
raise than third prise. Purchased of
and sow on display at T. J. Bren
n&a'B store. '
10
Old Sub. New Sub.
1000 Credits 3000 Credits
2100 Credits 4200 Credits
3300 Credits 8600 Credits
4600 Credits MOO Credhs
6000 Credits 12000 Credits
7500 Credits 1-6000 Credits
9100 Credits 18200 Credits
10SOO Credits 21600 Credits
12600 Credits 24200 Credits
14500 Credits 29000 Credits
Weekly Paper 1.50 psr year.
CREDIT SCHEDULE FOR DAILY HERALD
S Months. $1.60 2,000 Crsdlti
f Months, $3.00 4400 Credits
1 Tear. $5.00 MOO Credits
2 Tears, $10.00 20.000 Credits
2 Tears, $15.00 21,000 Credits
A cash
Commission
of 10 percent
to every
candidate
who does
not win a
prize and
who makes
cash report
each week
For Further Information, Call Phone 340, or Address
"Universal Club'9 Manager, Herald, Alliance, Nebraska
BURGESS, JOHNSON CO., OF BROOKFIELD, M0.f CLUB MANAGERS
I
