THE COURIER.
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HEADACHES JES 'FORE SCHOOL.
I guess my aealth is gettin' poor,
Ersomep'n er the kin',
Fer every mornin' jisl as sure
(Especially if it's fine)
I git such offul shoot n' pains
'At ma says: "It's jes' crul
Ter make 'at poor boy study, with
Sech headaches jes' 'fore school ."
Ma thinks my mind is brcakin' down
From learnin' of so much .
She puts wet towles on my head ,
An' chopped up ice an' such ,
An' tries ter git me off ter bed ,
But pa says he's no fool ;
He thinks birch oil's the only stuff
Fer heaoaches jes' 'fore school .
An' teacher, too, don't sympathize
'Ith boys wots feelin' bad ,
Fer, soon's she sees me mopin' in ,
She says: "Now, ain't 'at sad
Ter make them suffrin' children work !
Young man, set on 'at stool
An' do them sums ." Huh 1 she makes fun
Of headaches jes' 'fore school .
'Tis kind'r funny, though, how soon
I'm over bcin' sick ,
An' me an' Jim (Jim he gits cramps),
We sneak off down t' the crick
An' go in swimmin' . Gee I We got
A bully divin' pool
An' spring board . Gosh I you bet they cure
Them headaches jes' 'fore school .
An' fishin, too . We got a raft
An' dandy hooks an' lines;
Ketch bullheads, lots an' sunfish . Say 1
Down underneath them pines
They bite like thunder ! Sett in' there ,
Feet swashin', nice an' cool,
Pains, nothin' I Say, d'you ever git
Them headaches jes' 'fore school?
M. C John, in
Chicago Chronicle .
THE NIGHT BEFORE
BY MARTHA 1'IEHCE.
It pas Christmas Eve. Little sister
could not go to sleep. The air was too
electric. She to3sed and turned. Big
sister came in and lifted the lamp.
"Don't take the light away. It is too
dark. I can't go to sleep in the dark."
"But you can't go to sleep with the
light burning. You never do Annie."
"That white paper on the wall makes
me nervous," insisted Annta.
Big sister sat down and read.
"Don't turn the leaves so loud,' said
Annie.
Th9 leaves turned softly. Anrie
counted the figures on the wall-paper,
and sighed heavily, tossing her arms
above her head.
"Let me read you a story," said big
sister carelessly.
The story was not a very exciting one
but it was sufficiently diverting to sub
ordinate the little one's too vivid con
ception of the immanency of Santa
CI tus' visit. After six pages the lids
drooped slowly over the two bright eyoj.
Big sister put down the book and
softly carried the light away.
"I think I will sleep with Annie," she
said. "She seems very nervous and
timid."
In the middle of the night Big Sister
awoke from a dream in which she was
being slowly strangled, to find two little
arm3 very tight about her neck.
"Sister," whispered Annie, "I think
he's been here. I heard the sleigh bells
just now."
Ddshaway Did you see that state
ment about me. in the papers?
Cleverton Yes. A lie, I presume.
Dashaway No. The worst of it is
that it happens to be true.
Cleverton Well, you are all right,
old man. No one will know it. The
Bazar.
FABLES FOR THE FAIR
The Woman Who Helped Her Husband.
There was once a Woman whose Hus
band Depended on the State of the Mar
ket for bis Daily Toast. One Day he
Appeared before Her with a Sad Coun
tenance. "All is Over, my Dear," said he.
"Wheat is 'Way Down, and I doubt if
after Tomorrow we shall have More
than Ten Thousand a Year to Live On.
I am Sorry that I Married you to Drag
you Down to This, but I must Tell you
Sooner or Later, f am a Ruined Man."
"Nay, do not Lose Heart," said his
Wife. "Can you not Speculate Further?"
"I cannot," he replied "for I have
Lost my Nerve. My Friends Urge me
to Throw what I Have into Opper, but
I Dare Not. Five Thousand a Year
would Hardly buy Croquettes for Twc.
I would Better Keep what I have Saved
from the Smash."
"At any rate," said she, "come Qut
and Have some Lunch. Let us Go to
Sherry's and get a Nice Little Bird;
then you will Feel Better."
"Bird!" exclaimed her Husband.
"Unhappy Woman, it you see anything
better than Broiled Chicken and Bee', a
la Mode for the Rest of Your Life, jou
will Do Well. In my present Frame of
Mine? I would Suggest a Night Lunch
cart."
"Let us have One Good Meal, at
leant." urged his Wife, "before we Die
to the World. I have Twenty Dollars
in my Purse. I will Buy our Lunch
with that. After that the Night
Lunch." "Very Well, for the Last Time," re
plied her Husband.
Then they went to an Expensive Rea-
taurant and Ate a more than Satisfac
tory Luncheon. At the end of it ber
Husband said:
"I think Better of that Copper than I
Did."
Then he went Back to Wall Street
and Made Sixty Thousand Dollars in
Thirtj-eight Minutes.
This teaches us that Digestion is the
Better Part of Valor. January Century.
The Twice a-"wcek Republic
Every Monday and Thursday a news
paper as good as a magazine and better
for it contains the latest by telegraph as
well as interesting stories is sent to
the subscriber of the "Twice-a-Week"
Republic, which is only 1.00 a year.
The man who reads the "Twice-a-Week"
Republic knows all about affairs
political, domestic and foreign; is posted
about the markets and commercial mat
ters generally.
The women who read the "Twic-a-Week"
Republic gather a bit of valu
able information about household affairs
and late fashions and find recreation in
the bright stories that come under both
the beading of fact 'and fiction. There
is gossip about new books and a dozen
other topics of especial interest to the
wide-awake man and woman.
HALF RATES fok the HOLIDAYS,
via of the Missouri PaciGc.
On December 23, 21, 25, 31 and Jan
uary 1st, the Missouri Paciih will sell
tickets to all points within 200 miles at
one fare for the round trip good until
January 2nd, 1901. Through passenger
trains leave Lincoln at 9:15 A. M. and
10:05 P. M. from new passenger station,
corner 9th and S streets. For further
information call at city ticket office,
1039 O street.
F. D. Cobnell, P. T. A.
'SSS3gX$(8StgX
McCLURE'S MAGAZINE
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