Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (June 17, 1899)
WWMWWWMHWlteaffc-. 10 THE GOURIBR. WIT ANJ) HUMOR. CHESTNUTS FOUND FLOATINO DOWN THE TIDE. Hon' it WcMnrii I'ioihImt Count III Nalitry - ."Mini Wlio Knou 111m Cut I'lilvcilcil I'liriim'tipliN iinil VurliMin Other Mlrtli-rrovoltorw. Ho wns a (nil, slim man, with u itutchol iii his right I in ml u .1 mi u in 1 1 re I ii, used us a cane, in liis loft, uiul (lie lull of his I'uiiuil linen dustur was lifter oul. huhiiid liiiu lilto a Itusl ti wlion liu started to cross Second av enue and Thirteenth street. A liuoi wugnn which ho did not seonilglit have run him down hail not a h y oullud out an alarm mid pulled him hnuk to t lit) curbstone. 'Hoy, you doubtless saved me from 3ei''ou'sinjury,nnd purlin - Iroin death it sell," observed the mini as he romied thu situation. "Yos, sir." "And you blionlil bo rowardod." ". don't wnut nutliin', sir," mo lestly roplio I I ho lad. Hnl 1 insist. Such uctinm us yours demand liberal recognition. I am' I com Nol rnskn. I uvo just pi tod a town tlioio. 1 am asking $l."il) ench for lots on the Main street, hut in your casu you an tnko your piik It r an oven liundml, and as tixos are now due you'd better scrape around and got m i !fll.fi() to p.iv on vour lot!" N. W. World. ' J'lio Id c ill KInm. Now, this is an ideal kiss, says an old writer. The woman's head should rest lightly on the masculine shoulder. Her eyes look into hi. Thero.is not t.o in'.ch Ii isle al.out it. Haste is always vul gar, and that ought to he kept well in iiiiml. Sli. wly he bends his head. She makes a. sli;.,)' vury slight resistance. Of course no self-respecting girl sub mils calmly to being kissed, but as ho knows this, ho does not give the feminine mind a chance to reconsider, and with a little sigh she permits the masculine lips to rust on hers lor well, authorities differ as to how long a kiss should last. Ilyron, who ought to know nil about it, snys: ,. -I'or a llst stron jtli 1 think It should liu measured hy Us length!" And In another place ho speaks of "A loin;, liui; klvs, u kiss of yontli and love And bounty, til eoiiooiiliinliij; llko rays Intooiit) foons Idnilli'd from above." So lie evidently believed tho kiss should not lie cut short, while oilier writers are in favor of "tantalizing b. br.of kisses," wtncli m.ike one wish to kiss and come again." Ill lilmbii. Mr Koegors Stars a'ir.itoy! Mr. Hulwer Da's all right. He dom it Ins-iolf when I wuz roasoniu' wiv him, a .' 1's koi'pin' liim ('ar for 'n ex ample t' dat scaramoiicli Ir.ivver o" his'n, otter d' fence. ('mill! Not, I'liluippy liny. n:ggs-Vas fiat pretty girl your sistur that you ha I with you at" the concert night bifoio last.' Higgs N no, slmiMi't, but she will be, 1 expect, just as soon an I propose. Time to o, Ho ;ulU:l m.) Tiino waits on no man. Shc--1 don't blame it. It would lose lotn of sleep if it wailed 011 s mu per sons I know. Niiiwi'.irtir). She Darling, do you lovo mo? Ho (kissing her rapturously and re peatedly) Do I? 1 wish yo 1 were a two-he'ulod girl. Tint's all I can say. Itcmly for llio tJrlp. Amber necklaces are ooniin,' into voguo as a remedy for tho grip. - ""MMMiaaaaHMBr 'rhtwi w;w-----r. THE MAD KINO. Otto or Itiivitrlu 11111I 111m Jluititlrul I.lttll) l'lltltCU. The reigning king of Uavarla is OUo I., a man whoso state of mental nllcn ntlon Ih dark and tcrrl Ac, says the Detroit Free Press. Ho lives slnco his accession ns ho had lived before, shut up in the beautiful little palace of Furstcnrld, about two hours' distant from Munich. Of Into years his malady has taken tho form of stupor, though there aro still occasional outbreaks of violence. There has never boon any hopo for his recovery, and It Is really a lamentablo fact that his physical henlth Is excellent. Ho occupies a suite of rooms on tho ground of tho palace, tho doors being always left open during tho daytime, ns closed doors and windows excito his rage. Once he broke all tho front windows of his apartni' "is and since then the glnss has been protected by wire. Noth ing else about the palace would Indi cate that a lunatic Inhabited it. The king Is alwayd dressed in black and bis pet ndornment Is a long black beard, which ho will not allow trimmed. He often washes his face and hands, but can seldom be persuaded to take a full bath. Ho smokes from thirty to forty cigars or cigarettes a day enough to mnke any mnn crazy! Ho seems to have no marked deslro for anything of importance. It la described as pitiful to seo him look at the old servant who cared for him in his Infancy- she alone calls forth a gleam of intelligence In his countenance. Notwithstanding the great misfortune that his condition Is to their country, tho good Bavarians celebrate tho natal day of their mad king with great loyalty. Aluminum In India. Within the past year aluminum has been introduced In India for tho manu facture of cooking utensils employed by the native inhabitants. The ex periment was begun nt Madras, and it Is reported that tho native metal-workers have readily substituted aluminum for copper and brass, while refusing to chnngo tho traditional shapes which for generations hnvo been given to their utensils. They Insist on genulno hand work, and some of them have de veloped much skill in manipulating the new metal. .1 V " IIH II IVf. Perhaps the ri.'Mv.est j.et ever kept by man was a wasp, which Sir Jolin Lubbock caught in tho Pyrenees and resolved to tamo. He began by teach ing It to take Itii meals on his hand, and In a very short space of time It grew to expect to bo fed in thnt way. Sir John preserved this pet with the greatest care. True, It stung him once, but then It hnd every excuse for doing so. Sir John was examining It while on a railway journey, and tho door being opened by a ticket collector, ho unceremoniously stuffed It Into a bot tle, nnJ the outraged Spaniard, not U'u.7.7, y.itc at homo during t.he prog ress, gave him a gentlo remlndei as to tho proper way to treat, a guest. Tho I.nrk n Sluggard, An ornithologist having investigated the question of at what hour In sum me; tho commonest small birds wake up and sing, states that the greenfinch Is the earliest riser, as It pipes as early ns 1:30 In tho morning, tho blackcap beginning at about 2:30. It is nearly t o'clock, and tho sun Is well above the horizon, before tho first renl songster appears In tho person of tho blackbird. Ho is heard half an hour before tho thrush, and tho cb'rp of tho robin be gins about the sr e length of tlmo bo fore that of t) a wren. Finally tho liouso sparrow and tho tomtit occupy ihe last place on tho list. This Investi gation ha3 altogether ruined tho lark's .oputatlon for early rl- lg. That much :elebratcd bird Is quite a sluggard, as it does not rise until after tho chaf finches, linnets nnd n number of hedge :or birds have been up and about. Subecribo for Tiir Coukiku $1 a year. A Fiction nf tho Hrn. One of the oldest maritime fictions has received its death blow by the raising of the American flag over Guam In the Lndrono Islands. According tc sailors, thousands of vessels cleared for Guam, from ports all over tho world ench year, but none ever arrived there. Clearing for Guam was done by Bhlps which wished to conceal th?l.' renl destination. According to marl time lnw, when once a vessel lir.s cleared for a poit It must proceed thither by the most direct route or glvo a satisfactory explanation. Guam was a closed port under tho Spanish rule, nnd shlp3 could always give that a3 n reason for not going there after bavin ; cleared for the place. Wear AIcii'h CJIovch. The latest masculine wrinkle which fcirls affect is masculine gloves, not gloves made In a mannish style nnd fitting tho feminine hand, but gloves that are cut on masculine lines, de signed for masculine wearing, and but toned with the single button that holds together the abbreviated kid wrist. The gloves are short and square and made of heavy dogskin and stitched marked ly In white. The lingers are big and clumsy, and the entire glove is almost twice the size which the girl ordina rily affects. The bigger the glovo tho more stylish tho result. The mascu line glove Is entirely in keeping with the stubby, ugly masculine shoe. Not Clc.tr Knoucli. It may be safely asserted that the wit of Richard Brinsley Sheridan nev er deserted him in any emergency. Once, on a visit at a country house, a bore asked Sheridan to take a long walk with him. Sheridan made r'i excuse of tho weather, saying it wp scarcely pleasant enough for a walk An hour later tho boro lntercapte;i Sheridan ns ho was about to escape from tho house. "I sec it has e'er ed," he -aid, persistently. "Why, ye' " said the wit. doubtfully, "It has clear od enough for one, but has It clen-e-1 enough for two?" Not n Safe Swimming I'ool. An English officer whose ship wa3 stationed off the coast of Ceylon went for a day's shooting along the coast, accompanied by a native n'en'dant well acquainted with the coi"try. Com ing to a particularly Inviting river, tho ofllcer resolved to have a bath, and asked tho native to sh"W him a place where there were no 1 Ulgators. The native took him to a pool close to the estuary. The ofllcer thoroughly enjoyed his dip, and while drying him self ho asked bis guide why there wore never any alligators in that pool. "Be cause, sar," promptly replied tho Cin galese, "they plenty 'fi'nld of shark." Heavy Drinkers In llclglutn. Belgium has a population of less than 7,000,000, whom It takes 198,000 wino and beer shops to supply. This Is ono for every thirty-nino persons, women nnd children Included. Its an nual drink bill Is figured at $100,000, 000, tho item of gin representing one third of this sum. Investigation shows that of tho convictions in criminal courts 74 per cent of the crime Is to bo traced to drink; of the suicides, 80 per cent, nnd of the pnupers 70 per cent are thus accounted for. Under these circumstnnces thoughtful and serious Belgians aro deeply pondering tho drink problem nnd endeavoring to find some means of limiting tl practice and diminishing its destructive effects. Why Ho Attomloil it Funeral. Our Welsh friends aro pretty sharp, and a learned judgo has just been nice ly "had" by one. Summoned ns a juror at the assizes, ho asked tho permission of the judgo to absent himself on tho ground that ho was very anxious to nt tond a funeral. It was not until nfter tho Judgo had granted tho request that ho lenrned from tho sheriff that tho ap plicant was an undertaker. Westmin ster Gazette. CHINA'S CORRUPT OFFICIA1S. Saiiipio f tliu llohlicry I'ractlcuil lit tlio Oiitcs or I't'klu. A curious iiistnnco and by no means a flattering one of Chinese methods of Government bus just been supplied by the arrival of Sheng Tnotnl from Shanghai. This gentleman holds sev ei al Importnnt posts, and among others has tho appointment of director of 1 ail ways. Ho Is also tho admlnls tia or of the Chinese tel apMs, and has an excellent reputation among for eigners for his tolerance and open niiiidedness. Recently ho was called hero by command of the emperor to confer about several reforms which his majesty is so eager to adopt. The chief ofilcials of Pekin balled his nd vent with delight, as It at last rave them the opportunity of a "squo:-!e," which had been quite Impossible wailo Sheng was so far distant nt Shang hai. The modus operandi Is quite a uuial and an everyday ono and de serves notice. Tho gates of Pekin aro farmed out to high ofilcials, chiefly princes or royal blood. All merchan dise is exnmined and Is passed on pay ment of a snr il tax. But when an o!i:eir.l like i .ieng corn's In, from whom tliey are desirous of exacting a ccod round sum, the procedure Is al tered. In this particular case Sheng was siven to understand that contra band articles would be found In his luggage unless he satisfied the farm ers of the gate. I believe I am cor rect in saying thnt Sheng did not even attempt to dispute or haggle, but re sitnedly asked what amount was re qunecl. The answer was 30,000 taels. This was paid, or promised, and Sheng piccecded on his journey, probably glad at having got off so chnply. But avainst all precedent nni custom ho was stopped nt tho In r gate and did not get off under 20,ua0 tnels. So arocether this unfortunate official, called to the capital by the emperor's orrt?r, had to pay over 0,350 pounds be ff.ie he was allowed, to go to his Utules. A Str.uiRO Stiiiiinc CiiMtoui. Every Sinmese girl who reaches a certain age without marrying Is ticket ed and labeled and placed in a priv ileged clnss. under the special care of tin king, who binds himself to find husbands for them all. His method is delightfully simple. A prisoner In any of tho Siamese jails may gain his par don nnd release by marrying one of tho ineligible class. Whether he is already married or not Is not of great conse quence, for In Slam It Is not necessary to draw the lino at ono wife. This method of matchmaking can hardly result In domestic bliss. llrlilnl (Splendor. Paris has not quite exhausted tho possibilities of tho spangle ns an orna ment, for tho loveliest wedding drc3S yet seen was made In Paris for tho dul-.o of Manchester's bride, nnd con sist of white satin overworked in tho most gloriously opalescent shell se quins, interspersed with pearls. For tho duchess of Hamilton, whoso daugh ter was roe ly married, a beautiful fawn-coloret cloth was mado on tho Rue do la Paix and ndorned with span gles of cloth. These spnngl' were not laid on flat, but were caught on ono side, and wont to form tho clusters of grapes In vino embroidery that ovor rnn tho skirt and wnlst. MIIIIdiih Under A ruin. A French statistician states that tho total number of men porniancntly un der arms is -l.ur.O.OOO. If universal wnr broke out thoro would bo -l-U.'O.OOl) men ready to tnko up nrms nt onco. Placed In ono lino tho soldiers of tho world could cover tho equator right around tho earth. To pnss along tho whole lino ono would need to rldo in nn express trnin at sixty miles an hour for seventy dnys. If tho soldiers received orders to exterminate tho rest of tho population thoy would only hnvo to kill thlrty-thico persons aploco. h r r J iw.wn 1 1, m i, mmmmmmmmmm