Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (May 27, 1899)
10 THE GOUR1BR. HA II llrntliur Orpheus: I write to lot you know that my wife, finding it ni'i'cv Kiiry to go to Now York on business, will start from l'okc villi) Thursday afternoon at half-past r, and will nr- rive in your eity about U tlie next day. "Sho Is a very timid, dear girl, and unfortunately, owing to the crops I cannot travel with her. I have, there fore, proposed that lihe should stay with you for a few days, instead of going to a hotel. Maria Ilrlggs will bo with her. Her business U with the dentist. Your loving brother, Johiiua Smith. This letter, which the postman brought early one afternoon, alarmed tno considerably. I lived in a neat two-story brick house that had been my father's, smoked where I chose, and kept out deaf old servant, who seldom said and never heard anything. Hut having made up my mind that my sister-in-law must come, 1 began to wonder how, since Hepsiba could not read, the fact might by communi cated to her, in order that due prepa rations might be made. I rang the bell, Hepsiba saw it shako and came. She htood und looked at mo. I pointed to the letter; she nodded, window nt u 1 pointed out of the lad j' going past; she nodded again. Then I drew another armchair opposite mine and put two plates upon tho table, and marked off throo days upon the almanac. Hopslba gazed with astonishment; looked at mo again, shook her head, and putting her apron to her eyes rushed out of the room. 1 followed hor. I found her crying in the kitch en and had matters thus explained to me: "I'd best take warning. I've- kept house for you iifteou years, and a missus will on-settle :ne. 1 thought you'd gin up marrying years ago." I left her. I hoped alio did know, but I wasn't sure. Friday Hepsiba came down in her best gown, and I retired to my study to wonder what I should do with my slstor-ln-law. I heard the boll ring after awhile. Then sovoral kittens begun to mow in tho hall, or I fancied so. Kitten! no something more; for in a minute moro my study was invaded by Hopslba, who marched in, holding in her arms a baby, in a dross long enough for a six-footer. "Sho's sent tho baby on ahead," said Hopslba, solemnly. "Hadn't you no confidence in an old crlttor like mo? I shouldn't havo objected to your gottin married, but to keep it from mo 't least a couple o' years is kinder hard." Tho truth flashed upon me. Some wretched impostor had brought an infant to my door and deserted it. My sister-in-law might arrivo beforo I could rid myself of tho horrlblo llttlo creature. To tlnd a policeman and get the child off my hauls was my only hope. I rushed to my study window and for tunately saw tho sturdy form of our particular guardian just turning tho corner. I beckoned to him. And away wo drove to the stat'on bouse, where, linvin bn' rruellv cross-questioned, I" was Informed thai tho llttlo waif and stray would bo sout to tho foundling hospital, and that I "might go." I wont At least my dstor-in-law would never know of this absurd af fair. My ho art was lighter. I grow tvon cheerful. Hut at tho door of my own house I halted in terror. Screams of the most fearful description were being uttered within. I burst open the door and rushed in. In tho front parlor a young lady lay upon tho iloor shrieking und tear I in Wlif ner nun. '.V servant g:rl, wnoin i re member to Have seen nt, my brother's house, sat rocking to and fro in eustn cies of grief. "Hero's your wife, I reckon," said Hepsiba, "and her sister. They come in and asked mo suthlu' didn't ex actly hear what It was. Then thoy began to tear up and down th. house like mad. Now she's got fits." Then Augusta sprang to her feet, rushing toward mo, clutching mmy arm with both her hands, and screamed: "Oh, where is he? Where Is ho? Whcro Ib my son?" "I I don't know. I'm not nc quuintod with him," I stammered. 'J I what do you mean, Augnt-ia?" "My dearest angel I My baby!" crloi Augusta. "Habyl" I cried. "Eh, your baby" mil hat down, faint with horror. 'Me and Mis' Smith wo kom up from l'okeville," said Mary Ilrlggs, "this mornin' and wo fetched tho baby along with us, and mo and Mis' Smith come to the door in a cab.and ho charged us most nn awful prico, and drove off with the travelin' bags, with tho baby's most particular and needful things in om, and so says I, 'Lot's run nftcr him;' so says she, Yes.' And we rings tho bell, and I ays to tho old lady, 'This is Mr. Smith's?' Says she, 'Yes.' Says I, Take in tho baby and we'll bj back turoctly.' An I off wo puts and caught the man. But we got lost somehow, and we'vo b-cn half an hour inquir In our way back, and can't find tho baby." "Thero's been a little mistake, and I'm sorry, but I will rectify it Comn along." We arrived at tho station house. "Woll, sir, what do you want?" in quired the sergeant "The baby!" I gasped. "You re mctnbor the baby. I made a slight mistake. I want him back." "You aro tho fellow who gave us so much bother an hour ago, aro you?" asked tho gentleman, fiercely. "Tho unfortunato child has been sent to tho foundling asylum. Tho mat tor is out of our hands." "Where is tho foundling asylum?" I asked. Tho direction was hurled at me, so to speak, and we departed. The dreadful journey, with Augusta Jnnv In spasms of grief, and tho other two women crying I cannot doscribo. At last wo reached tho spot wore admitted, ushered into a parlor, aud there at last interviewed by a stout lady in black, who called herself tho matron. "The lat baby was brought in," she said. "Dear mo, It's so hard to tell. Twolvo was fetched at once. Was it a dark child in a ragged bian co t, or " "It had a white dress, and a white cloak lined with blue, and a white hood and his name was Ellsworth Lincoln Grant Smith," said Anna Maria. "And his nice white cloak wan lined with blue. Tho Irish lady said he was quito perfectly beautiful. Oh, ho has been adoptod alrcady.ma'am." "Adopted! My baby adopted!" cried Augusta. "By an Irish lady, just starting for Liverpool," said tho matron. "Oh, dear! if it is a mistake, jin'll havo to hurry, or you won't catch tho vessol. She starts at 4, and it's 3:30 tho Ari zona, and tho lady is Mrs. Murphy. Wo reached tho proper pier at last The crowd was just dispersing. "Tho Arizona!" I criod. "Sho's off those fifteen minutes.'' said a man. "That's tho smoko of her yonder." Then Augusta faintod away. Hut just as she did so a carriago jostled ours. "Too la to!" criod a volco. "Oh, Murphy, dear, I know It!" saW another. And a child began to cry. "Maria Mriggs, that's him!" criod Augusta, coming to horsolf in a min ute. "It's him!" cried Ann Maria.and tho two, regardless of danger, wero out of our carriago, and in that of our neighbor's m an instant, and I saw them soizo upon something in a bluo lined cloak and deyour it with klasoa "It'B my naoyl' cried Augusta. "It's mine, madam!" cried tlio Irish lady. I stood dumb. The Irish gentleman offered to fight it out with me. Maria Hrlggs it was who explained. "Mo and Mis' Smith wo carao from Pokevillo to-day, and tho man wont off with our bags; aud tho doaf critter there thought tho baby was a found ling, and gave it to tho police, and we'vo boon ravin' distracted over since," was her version. "No apologies at all," said tho Irish gentleman. "Shako hands, sir. Suro wo can adopt another just thi same. Augusta had Ellsworth Lincoln Grant, and was crying softly over him. Sho returned with tho child and Anna Maria to Pokovlllo by that night's boat. No power could induce her to sleep in my houso, and sho has never forgiven mo. As for Hepsiba, I havo never boon ablo to explain tho thing to her, and sho still alludes occasionally to "tho day your wifo come." rarity or tne ait. Oul in Arizona we have a way of Dragging on tho purity and clearness of our air," said Judge Murphy, ths delegate at Washington from that ter rltory, "and we have reason for it, for thero is nothing like it in the knowa world. The air of California may sur pass that of Arisona from a photog rapher's point of vlow, and it to claimed that it does, but as the Arleonian only cares for air for breathing purposes, wo are not at all jealous on that point We can see mountain tops for over 100 miles, and somo here claimed that fountains 130 miles distant can bs discerned with the naked eye. I was speaking of this to some friends here recently when I was blandly informed by a Scotch clergyman, who was here on a visit, that that would hardly bo regarded as In any way remarkable in Scotland, where, too, he said, the air was very clear. 'We can see murther than 130 miles in Scotland he said. 'We can see all the way to the moon.' " -Ex. Dam'a Tmj limy. It having been tho custom of a cer tain establishment in the north to pay the workers fortnightly, and tho work men having found the custom some what inconvenient, it was decided to Bend a delegate to the head of the firm to state their grievances. An Irish man, named Dan D , famed for his sagacity and persuasive powers, was selected for the task. Ho duly waited on the master, who addressed him thus: "Well, Daniel, what can e do for you this morning?" "If ye plaze, sur, I've been slnt as dlllgate by the workers to ask a favor of ye regurdln' the payment of our wages." "Yes; and what do they desire?" Queried the master. "Well, sur, it is the desire of mesllf, and it is also the deslro of ivory man in the establishment, that we receive our fortnight'? pay erery wek ." Repeating Klfle. The king of Denmark's "sort of new invented guns, which being but once charged will discharge many times, one after another," In 1657, would seem to have had rivals about the same period. Pepys twice refers to such. On July 3, 1662, when "at the Dolphin -with the officers of the ordnance, after dinner was brought to Sir. W. Compton a gun to discharge seven times, tho beist of all devices that ever 1 saw and very serviceable, and not a bawble, for it la much approved of, and many thereof made." And on March 4, 1663-4, he mentioned "a new fashion gun to shoot often, one after another." Notes and Queries. The Uaieball 1'ltcher. The famous base ball pitcher had walked the floor with the youngest of hla family for an hour or so. "Mary," said he, "if the manager saw me now, I bet I'd get soaked with a fine." "Why?" asked the wife, sleepily, "I don't seem to have any control of he bawl at all. I don'V OUlt WIT AND HUMOR. CUHRENT JOKES FOR TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. ttaMonocI With Patiro Ulrl of the Lenten 1'rrlod A l'omlblo Cano A Vlvlil Wrcam-Hiiro of Scoop Widowhood In Chicago. The Pros of Motion. Aunty So you took your first danc ing lesson to-day? Did you find it dif ficult? Wee Nophow No in, It's easy 'nough. All you havo to do is to keep turning 'sound and wiping your feet Determined Not f be Beaten. Dawson I've seen divers go down and stay under water an hour. Jawson Pooh! I've seen em' fo flown and stay an hour and a half and imoke all the time. Dawson I saw one go down a year if o and he has not come up siacsl Legal Item. "What Is a vested Interest?" asked one of the lawyers who was examining a candidate for admission to tho bar. "Well cr I suppose you havo a vested Interest when you are compelled to pawn your vest," replied the candi date, who was somewhat Impecuni ous." It Depended. Mrs. Manhattan How long Is It cub tomary for a widow to wear mourning for her husband In Chicago? Mrs. WabaBh Weeds Thero Is no fixed rule about It. It depends upon how well acquainted you are. I am generally pretty lucky. Ex. Quite Possible. AmoH Moses Snowball Say! black boy, hit seems ter me nt I've saw yoh face before. Ephralm Johnson Reckon you has, 'cause das where I bte-n wearing it all my llfo. New York World. A Bold, I)d Language. "It's a pity when a charming woman Mses words she does not understand." "Going away?" asked a theater goer of the aesthetic and willow-like slrosi who p.rforms burlesque at a well known theater going to be married T "If I am it will only be pro tern," sfaa answered with a modest blush. Sine then she has given up Latin, naylng that it must be a bold language in which you cannot make use of a sim ple expression without compromise to your character. Texan Sifting. It Tu Too U. Walter Savnge Landor, ".hough he fteu handled his feUow-inen some what roughly, hated to see an old tros felled and even shrunk from plucking a rose. One morning be collared his man cook and flung him out of ths window. Then, suddenly rememberini on what "bed" in the garden tho man would fall, the flower-loving Landor exclaimed: "Good heavens! I forgot the a. a irl ll"Mr,m " whoa . wit it J1 HgWWoP8 Whlte 8tock- Little Dot (after some thought)-I Hsu than to wash stocking r y