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The sun is coming out and Jl of those who have not a good supply of comfortable knobbv shirt waists on hand fUl
should call here. We can show a complete line in colors and white, all kinds of
material and of the very latest style at 98c, $1.49, SlJpS, $2.49 and $2.98.
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ja Fitzgerald JMW' TVr-M tfVrvri s'feJi 1023-1029 &
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earth wobble on its axis. The easiest
way out of it is to drag your weary
limbs around and get a spado and under
his personal supervision dig a ditch "as
is a ditch." As soon as it is large enough
to carry off the tears you are shedding
by this time it will do.
When ho is out of sight and hearing
you may retire and rehearEO a few of
his expressions in a low tone of voiee.
Never give way to your feelings and
land on your superior'sproboscis. munch
his ear and ram a few teeth djwn his
throat. This has been tried twice be
fore and both privates now slumber in
graves two sizes too large for them.
After completing a few hundred
other odd jobs, you are commanded to
"Fall in for mess.'' This order you obey
with a great deal of expression and a
tin plate, knire and spoon. A9 you
march by cook No. 1, hold out your
plate for a boiled potato. If jou have
ever played first base well eneugh to
pleaEO the average audience jou get the
potato, otherwise the man behind you
drops his plate, grabs his eye and lights
out for the hospital. Cook No. 2 dashes
a ladle of cold canned tomatoes at your
pan. Part o! these remain and the
balance is equally distributed over jour
person. Cook No. 3 ha9 a few pieces of
boiled swine sticking on the eid of a
pronged fork. One of these pieces he
shoves oH with a linger that wants soap
and water almost as bad as you want
home and mother. Cook No. 4 supplies
you with hard tack and says "move on."
You then seek some secluded spot at the
foot of a large tree and prepare to insult
your interior. After seating jourself
you rise almost instantaneously and are
g ieved to learn that jou have entirely
ruined a cunning little cactus. It is
well to sit upon a cactus the firbt day
in camp as it tends to make one more
observing. In practising, if unable to
sit upon a cactus borrow a pin cushion.
After placing the p!ate upon the rail
fence at a convenient height, hold an
inquest (on the supper.) Perhaps you
havo never noticed it before but now it
is proven to your satisfaction that the
average pig grows hair. When thor
oughly convinced of this you may throw
it away or take it to the cook and re
mark carelessly that ho might "shave it."
I would not advise the latter course,
however. You may also use your own
judgment as to whether you eat at all or
not. Mo3t of us wait until it is a
question of eating or winging our way
to the golden shore, and then eat. The
balance of the time we damn the com
missary department. Do you supposo
that Hector, Achilles, Mark Antony,
Col. J. Caesar or any of the great war
riors of olden times ever went into bat
tle with a stummick full of coid toma
toes and hard tack? Not on your tin
type. Neither did Col. B. Fitzsimmons.
But I am wandering.
After supper you are so tired that j ou
Hop down on a blanket and commence
te sleep so bard that jou almost have
b j stories. Take about thirl j'-seven
winks, then turn out hastily when jou
hear the corporal of the guard ripping
around trying to find you. When found
you will know enough next time to look
at the "ort'er paper" pasted at the head
of the street and know when you are to
report for guard duty. Hustle out with
the relief and take a few moic drags
with your weary Iirub3 for two houre.
At eight o'clock jou are relieved and at
twelve you go on again, receive the
same instruction? about allowing sus
picious characters to pass the lines, and
above all things watch the mules acd
6ee that none escape. Then off you go
with the detail, just enough awakd to
stumble off through the woods and
darkness to relieve some sentinel who
has been faithfully snoozing at his post.
After you have taken hia place and are
waiting for the relief to get out of range
so you can sit down and take it easy,
jou notice some commotion among the
mules. You say "Whoa mule!" This
never failp to send about three govern
ment mules into spasms and in a mo
ment they are winging their way through
the woods. It now becomes jour duty
to entice these mules back to the fold.
If you have ever had anj exporience in
this line you will at once realize that it
is about as easy to induce a good healthy
adult mulo to follow anything but his
own inclinations, as it ie to borrow
money on antique collateral. If jou do
not realize it at once you will after
charging around through the darkness
for a few hours. One guard, night bo
fore last, captured a mule in a unique
manner. He sneaked up behind Mr,
Mule and nabbed him bj the cute little
nub on the end of his tail. If the
guard hadn't had a most phenomenal
grip we might not have recovered as
much of him as we did. As It was the
mule returned in the morning with a
man's hand firmly graspicg the nub.
Upon following the tra 1 in order to get
