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About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (July 3, 1897)
THE COURIER. MM I i Shark Postoffke. ' One mfternoon, when we wore in the Indian ocran," raid the captiio, "I noticed a shark swimming round the ship, and I didn't like it a bit. You know the superstition to the effect that a following shark presages the death of one of the ship's company. lie sailed round us all the next day and the next day after that, and I determined to catch him and quell my uneasiness. We baited a hook, and after a short time captured and killed him. Then we cut him up. Do you know what we found in that shark's inside? No? Well, a newspaper unopened, and it will sur prise you, as it did me, when I till you that it was addressed to me." A shout of great laughter went up from the captain's audience, who winked at each other unblushingly. He however took all the bantering in good part, and when the Jeers were ended he said: "Now, gentlemen, I'll tell you bow it happened. I found that my children had been skylarking the day before in the cabin. Thej found among; the mass of reading that had bsen brought aboard some unopened newspapers ad dressed to me. They had been throw ing the newspapers at each other and one of them went out of the port bole. The shark saw it, of course, and gobbled it down, and that was how it happened. Now, gentlemen, judge for yourselves the truth of my 6tory." London Answers. He was the same manager who in si6ted upon putting Ophelia in bloomers.--Chicago Post. A Disappointed Youngster. Paderswrki'a sjo, when a little boy asked his father, who was playing in Park at the time, whether he might go the Cirque, where Paderewcki was to perform. The distinguished pianist C3Bontei. When the lad came home, his father asked him how he had en joyed himself. "Oh, not at allT was the youngster's reply. "It was the dullest circus I have ever been to. I expected to see you go through hoops, bat you only played at the piano, just as you do at home." Lippincott's. She Dazed the Doctor, The Washington Star Bzya that a lady recently called at the office of a prominent Washington physician who s email and boyish in appearance. 'Boy," she said, addressing him, "is the doctor in? But I see ho "n not." "He is in." began the physician, but the visitor interrupted him. "Ob, he's in, is he? Then he's engaged. I'll wait. Does be allow you to tit at his desk that way?' "Madam!" "Oh, of course you would say he doe, but I'll warrant you'll catch it if he Eees you theie. You look sort of pale. I should think the doctor would give you something to make you stronger. Your n?a ought to send you into the country. That would make you grow. How soon do you think the doctor will bs disengaged?" "Madam, I tried to tell you before I do not think you can see the doctor to day." "Well, I'll come next time I'm in town. But you ought to quit staying in this office auJ go into the country. Not that it w any of my business, but I do hate to see boys look so pale and puny." She disappeared, and the doctor is won dering what she will say next time she comes into the city. The Revised Version, "How Shall We Escape.' The scriptures may be a dangerous weapon to put into the hands of those who pervert their meacing, either in tentionally or through want of under standing. Every one has heard how Lorenzo Dow, having resolved to preach a sermon against women's tall bonnets, took for his text the wordi "Topknotf come down," which be had ingeniously perverted from the passage, "Let him which is on the housetop not come down." Lees artful than this, but quite as amusing, was the unconscious error made by a young student of theology at Wilbraham Seminary, whoEe case was recently related by an old divine. The student went out one Saturday to preach his trial sermon. When be re returned Monday the venerable Dr. Y. said to him: "Well, how did you get along?'' "Oh, very well, I thought." "Glad to hear it. What was your text?" "How shall we escaps if we neglect so great salvation? ' "Very good text, very good text. How did you handle it?' '"Well, prat I showed them how great this salvation was'' "That's right. And then?" "And then I told them how they might escape if they neglected it." Youth's Companion. "I think," said ths etage manager, thoughtfully, "that, in view of the pre vailing craze, you'd better add 'nit' to it in order 1o prevent the gallery from guying you. "It's just gb well to have it understood that we're up to the times andean readily tea where Shakespeare fell down." Milkmaids in Pictures. There are few known instances of a milkmaid being depicted on the proper side of a cow in pictures. The milker ought to sit with her right hand toward the cows head, but in pictures she is invairably shown (as far as my observation goes) on the other, that is to say, on the wrong side. Notes and Queries. A Royal Barn, One of the moat elaborate newspaper hoaxes ever printed appeared in Paris, and the peculiar thing about it was the large share of credence with which it was received not only by the Parisians themselves, but by the people of France generally. The story in brief says the London Mail, was that the Queen of England had been dead for eighteen years, but that her death had bean kept a profound secret and was known only to a few persons in the British Empire. The story related with circumstantial detail that Queen Victoria passed away quite suddenly in the fall of 1878, but that for state reasons it was deemed beet to keep her demise a profound se cret. Accordingly, a woman in humble circumstances, of about the same age as the queen, to whom she bore a striking resemblance, was discovered and in stalled in the place of the dead sovereign whose body was secretly buried in a vavlt beneath one of the rojal resi dences. The woman who was to impersonate the dead queen was carefully coached in the part she was to play, and in order to lessen the risk of detection it was publicly given out that the sovereign would pass the winter abroad, as she had determined to live in retirement for a number of months. In the se clusion of a little foreign town the im personator of royalty was most assidu ously trained in her part, and, being a woman of wonderful cleverness and discretion, she has been able to continue the deception to this day. The story was naturally not long in traveling acioss the English Cnannel to London, wheVe those who heard it regarded the matter as one of the best IM MM MlHI't II MMMMMt i Established 1887. 1897 t C Aft. SBITZ, Dealer in m i o if:; Fruits, vegetables etc i HIE ID RETAIL BIRTERS FOR FIRE WORKS i Telephone 6; 11U7 U street. MIIHMMIIIIIIIHMIMIMIIIIIIIIIIIMMHIMMMOIMUMIIMIIIHMMIIi: MIIIIMIHIIIIHIIIIIIIMIIIMIIIIIIglllllMIIIIIIIIIIIMIIIMimiMIMIIIMII I Best Advertising Medium BECAUSE A Weekly Newspaper Is the 'i 1 It is carefully read by the whole fatuity, 2 It is not thrown aside on the day of issue is fresh for a week. but 3 Ten thousand dollars are spent for magazine to one hundred in daily newspaper advertising". A The weekly newspaper is not put into the waste basket. 5 Every advertisement is read. HMIlMllMIIMMIIIMMSlMIMIMMIWHIIIIIMIIIMMMH jokes of the season. St Louis Post' Dispatch. William's Spree, The proprietor looked up with a startled air when the noisy crowd pre cipitated itself into the middle of his little shop. But nis face reflected the general mirth when Fiske announced, with a faintly preceptible imitation of William's drawl, "Mr. Plumber, sir, has made up bis mind to treat us. He's goin' to treat to all." "Yes, Ebenezer," William affirmed, genially. He stepped to the front, and indicated with an awkward wave of his hand how large was the contingent upon his liberality. "Now, boys, choose what you'll have," said he. To his excited vision the number seemed to double and treble. "It may ta'ie a five dollar note," he reflected recklessly, "or even more. But it's worth it.' The choosing began. A few people who had been leisurely drinking soda water set down their glasses and stepped back to watch the fun. Ebenezer looked on with a broad grin. To William it seemed only natur al that the matter of selection should be a seriouB thing. Charley Ludlow changed his mind at least five times. Fit ke was torn between the rival seductions of strawberry cream and orange phosphate. At last he ap pealed to William. "Lo.d Lless you," eaid William, beaming, "I don't know anything about those things. But tate your time, take your time. I want you should be suited.-' He rubbed his hands with almost jovial satisfaction. It seemed very luxurious and extravagant, all th's talk of fruit syrups, ice cream, and so on. He had tasted ice cream only once or twice in his life, and of fruit syrups he heard now for the first time. "But I'll do it," he still maintained within him self, "if I have to mortgage the farm." Louise Boynton, in July Lippincott's. Every advertising rule deoends for its success upon the fitness and common sense with which it is applied. General principles are like one of Captain Cuttle's observations, "the bearing of which lays in the applica tion on it." CURED Rheunuuism, Eczema, Kidney and Stomach Trouble. It is but the truth to say that hund reds of people su Jering from the abovo and other diseases have been cured or greatly benefitted by the use of the medicinal waters at Hot Springs, S. D. If you are interested address for par ticulars, A. S. Fielding City Ticket Agent Northwestern Line, 117 South Tenth street, Lincoln, Neb.