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About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 24, 1895)
& Ml if 12 il 1 Vi il i f 1 ! 5 it 1 t i ;;i . 'C I it iff Il l2i s !l i-i u AN BYE FOR AN EYE. Gilbert Parker recently eDcountereda Canadian Bishop whom be bad known in bia boyhood. The Bishop pompously inquired: "Ah, Gilbert! and are you still writing your ah little books?" Mr. Parker answered promptly: "Yes, bishop. And are you still preaching your ah little sermons?'' ooooooooooo- IJVI THE GENERAL AGENT for MUNYONS REMEDIES. Druggist, FUNKE OPERA HOUSE. H. W. BROWN Druggist and Bookseller. Wtiltlnic Fine Stationery and Calling Cards 127 S. Eleventh Street. PHONE 68. OOOOOOOOOOO DIDN'T WANT TO BE CRITICIZED. Prisoner Don't send me to prison. Judge. Judge Why not? You confessed your guilt. Prisoner I know, but I have a broth er in the asylum and a son in the reform school, and if you send me to the pen the public will at once raise the cry of nepotism on the family. THE NEWEST GIRL "Monster," hissed the newer hired girl. The frightened man cowered. "Monster," she repeated infuriate, "did I not see you kiss your wife in the front hall just now?" He did not deny. He merely implored her not to cause scandal by going home to her mother, as she hysterically threatened. SODA-"LICIOUS" Is what they say of our OrcaXifire pli.osfHat:e$ A full set of Best Teeth $5.00 Teeth Extracted Without Pain. All work guaranteed! 1.1. ....1214 O Street. Our soda is all fine. Crushed fruits served with ice cream soda. &jrilon8 gljarmac? TENTH & O. HE FLED. MISUNDERSTOOD THE DOCTOR. Mr. Brown, whose wife had been taken ill during the absence of their family physician in Europe, called in a young doctor who lived opposite. In the afternoon the youthful M. D. walked into Mr. Brown's office and in formed that gentleman that his wife needed change badly. "Change!" roared Mr. Brown, "why, my dear young man, it would take a bank to satisfy her." With lance in rest the venturouB knight pranced forward on his palfrey. "Prithee, good sir," quoth he, "canst thou direct me to a fabled monster with which I may join battle?" The pilgrim replied, and spake roundly- "I know not if it be true," he rejoined, but rumor hath it than in yon cottage dwells a new woman." Without pausing even to crave the benison of the wayfarer, the warrior turned his steed and pricked fast away in the opposite direction. oooooo Ml - H - BUFFET. 115 So. Twelfth St . . . . Under Funke Oi?ra House. PRESCRIPTIONS ' and SODA WATER ' I Tlie most reliable pharmacy i 1029 O Street ' I McGALfe & BURGH. i I arour Ice cream Eoda i is the best on earth REGRETIED IT. Only the finest liquid refresh ments served. cms Bra - cms. newbrandt Proprietors. ooooooooooo A TRAGEDY IN ART CIRCLES An excited military IooKing gentle man entered the editorial sanctum one afternoon exclaiming: "That notice of my death is false, sir. J will horsewhip you within an inch of our life, sir, if you don't apologize in your next issue." The editor inserted the following next day: "We regret to 6ay that the paragraph which stated that Major Blazer was dead iR without foundation."' Evidently there was a serious mental struggle in process beneath the dusky brow of the Pacific Islander. "I do i.ot approve of living pictures, but" Shading bis eyes with a large peculiar shaped club, he gazed far out to 6ea, where a dismantled hulk was tossing aimlessly about, completely at the mercy of the waves. "I am hungry and must cast prejuice to the winds." The tatooed sailor lying bound and helpless at his feet was visibly affected. THE EESTAUHANT AT BURLINGTON BEACH At Lincoln Salt Lake is this sea son under the management of an experienced caterer, and your patronage will be appreciated. All kinds of meals. lunches and freshmentsalwayson hand. re-l 6. 1. MR, Concessionaire H BICYCIB H Shoes, f Shoes, Pants, Sweaters -AT- MAYER BR0& WILLIE FOUND IT. Too bad," complained Mr. Heming way; "been hunting an bout for my club pin. Dropped it out on the lawn and wouldn't take any money for it." When he came home to supper he found the pin beside his plate. "Whoop eel" he cried; -where'd ye find it?" "I let Willie go barefooted this after noon," explained Mrs. Hemingway soft ly, as she poured the tea. OOOOOOOOOOO oooooooooooooo ROY'S DRUG STORE 1014 P STREET. Removal Sale Special prices on all sun dries, including Base Ball goods, Hammocks, Fishing Bods and Tackle, &c. Sta tionery, &c, &c, for the next two weeks Corner Tenth and P. Xissley's old stand NISSLEY'S OLD STAND. ooooooooooo oooooooooooooo HARD, BUT SOFT. "Did he strike a herd blow?" queried some one in Magistrate Jermon's office. "Yis, Your Honor," spoke up the wit ness, as she peeped out under a pair of black eyes. "He struck me wid a soft drink bottle." "A hard bottle, nevertheless," laughed the magistrate, who consigned the wielder of the weapon to a soft place in Moyamensing. : P. J. WOHLENBUEG, ; -manufacturer of- FIXB CIGARS ; and dealer in all leading cigars, " pipes, snuff and smoking tobaccos; : also canes 128 South Eleventh Street. WHERE SHE'D GET IT An elderly woman, evidently just from the country, stood in the middle of the cable tram lines at Brixton the other day steadily gazing northward. A cable car was rapidly approaching behind her. The old lady shouted to a street urchin: "Little boy. where can I get a tooting tram?" "You'll get it in the back pretty soon if you don't get out of the way," replied the boy as he dodged a tram rapidly bowling along. AMERICAN EXCHANGE NATIONA! BANK LINCOLN, NEB. I.M.RAYMOND, President. S. H. BURNHAM. Cashier. A. J. SAWYER Vice President. D. G. WING, Assistant Cashier. CAPITAL, $250,000 SURPLUS $15,000 Directors -I. M. Raymond, S. H. Burnham, C. G. Dawes. A. J. Sawyer, Lewis Gregory. X. Z.Snell, G. M. Lambertson, D. G. Vtiag, S. W. Burnbam. A LONG TIME BETWEEN. The clock struck January I and thet February 15, but still she was alone. The Eskimo wife slept but fitfulh starting from a troubled dream even two or three weeks. "Will ho never come?, Presently, however, she heard the fa miliar foot fall. "Tanked again, she groaned. It is hardly 10 years since he was drunk be fore. It was very late. The grey dawn was already breaking, and in less than a month it would he broad day. CLARKS0N IAUNDKY CO. 330-332-334-33G-338 South Eleventh Street. -Telephone 270. THE RIGHT BUILD. Miss Kate Sanford, the author, is of rather generous proportions, A neighbor "ran in' one day on an errand at "her abandoned farm," and suddenly burst out to her astonished hostess: "Do ye ever have fits?" Miss Sanborn said she never had fits. "I s'pose ye know,'" went on the caller relentlessly, "that yens jest the build fer fits." KttOOOOOOOO ooooooo CYCLE PHOTOGRAPHS ATHLETIC PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS OF BABIES PHOTOGRAPHS OFGROUPS EXTERIOR VIEWS s&feirv&ify rThe Photographer. 129 South Eleventh Street ooooooooooo OOOOOl THREE MAIDENS. 8 Three young maidens sat in a row With three grim dragons behind 'em And each of these young maidens had a young beau, And they all of 'cm made 'em mind 'em. These throe young maidens arc married now In three brownstone fronts you'll find 'em; Bat ever since the very first row They can none of 'em make 'cm mind Vm. ' - -?" S 33.00 Commutation pickets for 82.75' Good Meals 1 5 cents and up. BEDDECTS ANNEX RESTAURANT. Parlor and furnished rooms in connection 133 South Twelfth street. Lincoln, Neb, W.R. BIBBE. Jjrojarletor. GOULDN'T DECIDE. "She is determined to be a musician but can't decide whether to make a specialty of the violin or the piano." "Has she no positive predilection for either?" "Oh, yes; but some of her friends think she looks better standing, and others that sitting is more becoming to her." r
