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About The courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1894-1903 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 3, 1895)
r? W THSCOUUBK. I B M ! AN BYE FOR AN EYE. Gilbert Parker recently encountered a Canadian Bishop whom be had known in hia boyhood. The Bishop pompously inquired: "Ab, Gilbert! and are you still writing jour ah little books?" Mr. Parker answered promptly: "Yes, bishop. And are you still preaching your ah little sermons?' ooooooooooo H. W. BROWN Druggist and Bookseller. Fine Stationery and Calling Cards 127 S. Eleventh Street. PHONE 68. ooooooooooo THE NEWEST GIRL With lance in rest the venturous knight pranced forward on his palfrey. "Prithee, good sir,' quoth he, "canst thou direct me to a fabled monster with which I may join battle?" The pilgrim replied, and spake round ly. "J know not if it be true,'" he rejoined, but rumor hath it than in yon cottage dwells a new woman." Without pausing even to crave the benison of the wajfarer, the warrior turned his steed and pricked fast away in the opposite direction. oooooo WEN - HOUSE - BUFFET. 115 So. Twelfth St. .... Under FunVo Oiiera House. Only the finest liquid refresh ments served. CUS BENSON - CHAS. NEWBRANDT Proprietors. IQQQQO ftftftf A TRAGEDY IN ART CIRCLES Evidently there was a serious mental struggle in process beneath the dusky brow of the Pacific Islander. "I do Lot approve of living pictures, but" Shading his eyes with a large peculiar shaped club, he gazed far out to sea, where a dismantled hulk was tossing aimlessly about, completely at the mercy of the waves. "I ani hungry and must cast prejuice to the winds." The tatooed sailor lying bound and helpless at his feet was visibly affected. ISJVI THE GENERAL AGENT for -MLjNYOflS REMEDIES. r Druggist, FUNKE OPERA HOUSE. DIDN'T WANT TO BE CRITICIZED. Prisoner Don't send me to prison. Judge. Judge Why not? You confessed your guilt Prisoner I know, but I have a broth er in the asylum and a son in the reform school, and if you send me to the pen the public will at once raise the cry of nepotism on the family. "Monster,'' hissed the newer hired girl. The frightened man cowered. "Monster," she repeated infuriate, "did I not see you kiss your wife in the front hall just now?" He did not deny. He merely implored tier not to cause scandal by going home to her mother, as she hysterically threatened. ) SODA-"IiICIOUS" 5 Is what they say of our Orange plio8pliate A ( Our soda is all fine. Crushed - fmitd a.a. mith t ..a'am IIU1L3 9C1VCU Willi Ikt .lt.aill soda. Wilson's Pharmacy TENTH & O. ass a8 HE FLED. g A full HJBjflKfiB Best HeHV Teeth XmJLMJJ $5.00 Teeth Extracted Without Pain. All work guaranteed! i. 1 wmi ....12U O Street. MISUNDERSTOOD THE DOCTOR. Mr. Brown, whose wife had been taken ill during the absence of their family physician in Europe, called in a young doctor who lived opposite. In the afternoon the youthful M. D. walked into Mr. Brown's office and in formed that gentleman that his wife needed change badly. "Change!" roared Mr. Brown, "why, my dear young man, it would take a bank to satisfy her." ! PRESCRIPTIONS and SODA WATER The most reliable pharmacy 1029 O Street lMcGALk & BURGH. I I HTOur I Ice cream soda . is the best on earth. . REGRETTED IT. An excited military loosing gentle man entered the editorial sanctum one afternoon exclaiming: "That notice of my death is false, sir. J will horsewhip you within an inch of jour life, sir, if you don't apologize in your next issue." The editor inserted the following next Say: "We regret to say that the paragraph which stated that Major Blazer was dead is without foundation.'' BIO YOIE H Shoes, Pants, Sweaters -AT- MAYER BROS. WILLIE FOUND IT. "Too bad," complained Mr. Heming way; "been hunting an houi for my club pin. Dropped it out on the lawn and wouldn't take any money for it." When he came home to supper he found the pin beside his plate. "Whoop ee!' he cried; -where'd ye find it?" "I let Willie go barefooted this after noon," explained Mrs. Hemingway soft ly, as she poured the tea. OOOOOOOOOOO ooooooooooo ooo i ROY'S DRUG 1014 P STREET. I Removal Sale ." Special prices on all sun- dries, including Base Ball : goods. Hammocks, Fishing Rods and Tackle, &c Sta " tionery, &c, Ac, for the ; next two weeks Corner Tenth and P. Nissley's old stand. ' NISSLErS OLD STAND. ooooo oooooo oooooooo oooooo HARD, BUT SOFT. "Did he strike a hard blow?" queried some one in Magistrate Jermons office. "Yis, Your Honor," spoke up the wit nss, as she peeped out under a pair of black eyes. "He struck me wid a soft drink bottle." "A hard bottle, nevertheless," laughed the magistrate, who consigned the wielderof the weapon to a soft place in Moyamensing. P. J. WOHLENBTJKG, -manufacturer of PINB CIGARS. and dealer in all leading cigars, pipes, snuff and smoking tobaccos; also canes 128 South Eleventh Street. WHERE SHE'D GET IT An elderly woman, evidently just from the country, stood in the middle of the cable tram lines at Brixton the other day steadily gazing northward. A cable car was rapidly approaching behind her. The old lady shouted to a street urchin: "Little boy. where can I get a tooting tram? "You'll get it in the back pretty soon if you don't get out of the way," replied the boy as he dodged a tram rapidly bowling along. THE KESTAUEANT AT BURLINGTON BEACH At Lincoln Salt Lake is this sea son under the management of an experienced caterer, and your patronage will be appreciated. All kinds of meals, lunches and freshments always on hand. re-l 6. L ran. Concessionaire. AMERICAN EXCHANGE NATIONAI BANK LINCOLN, NEB. A LONG TIME BETWEEN. The clock struckJanuary I and then February 15, but still she was alone. The Eskimo wife slept but fitfully, starting from a troubled dream every two or three weeks. "Will he never come?. Presently, however, she heard the fa miliar foot fall. "Tanked again," she groaned. It is hardly 10 years since he was drunk be fore. It was very late. The grey dawn was already breaking, and in less than a month it would be broad day. riT A TTTO AAT LAUNDRY CO. ! 330-332-334-33G-333 South Eleventh Street. .Telephone 270. THE RIGHT BUILD. Miss Kate Sanford, the author, is of rather generous proportions, A neighbor "ran in' one day on an errand at "her abandoned farm," and suddenly burst out to her astonished hostess: "Do ye ever have fits?" Miss Sanborn said she never had fits. "I s'pose ye know,' went on the caller relentlessly, "that ye're jest the build fer fits." rcooooooooo oo ooooo CYCLE PHOTOGRAPHS ATHLETIC PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS OF BABIES PHOTOGRAPHS OFGROUPS EXTERIOR VIEWS i $(&?yiGfiify 8 The Photographer. g 129 South Eleventh Street ooooooooooo - oooooooooc THREE MAIDENS. ; Three young maidens sat in a row ; With three grim dragons behind 'em And each of these young maidens had a jounse ; beau, ; And they all of 'em made 'em mind 'em. j These three young maidens are married now ; In three brownstone fronts you'll find 'em; ; But ever since the Terr first row -; They can none of 'em mate 'em mind 'em. W.00 Commutation pickets for $2.75 Good Meals 5 cents and up. BEDDEO'S ANNEX RESTAURANT. Parlor and furnished rooms in connection 1.T3 South Twelfth street., Lincoln, Neb. W.R. BIBEO). Ioiajrlet:or. COULDN'T DECIDE. I. M. RAYMOND, President. S. H. BURXHAM. Cashier. A. J. SAWYER Vice President. D. G. WIXG, Assistant Cashier. CAPITAL, $250,000 SURPLUS $15,000 Directors -I. M. Raymond, S. H. Burnham. C. G. Dawes. A. J. Sawyer, Lewis Gregory, X. Z. Snell, G. M. Lambertso'n, D. G. Wing, S. W. Burnham. "She is determined to le a musician but can't decide whether to make a specialty of the violin orthe piano." "Has she no positive predilection for either?" 'Oh, jes; but some of her friends think she looks better standing, and others that sitting is more becoming to her." ie I It I -j..
