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THE COURIER.
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NEWS IN BOROVILLLB.
Country Editor Hello, where
have
you been for this coou'e age?
Subscriber Got fired from Plant
agenet's and bare bumping myself to
get something to do.
"How did you succeed?'"
"Ob, I got a sort of a job in Blank
City; hard work, though."
Next issuo of the Banner John
Shorts has resigned from Plantagenefs
hardware store to accept a more lucra
tive situation in Blank City. Success
to you, John.
ooooo oooooo
H. W. BROWN
Druggist and
Bookseller.
Fine Stationery
and
Calling Cards
127 S. Eleventh Street.
PHONE 68.
ooooooooooo
A SURE SIGN.
A country minister remarked to Mb
wife Sunday noon:
"There was a stranger in church this
morning."
"What did he look like?- asked his
wife, who was a woman first and a
minister's wife afterward.
"I didn't see him."
"Then how do you know there was
a stranger there?"
"I found a dollar bill in the contri
bution box."
eeee??9-s-S'e-?s-S'S'i)
SODA- 'UCIOUS"
Is what they say of our
lOjrekxxfge iosrl-x3te J
Our soda is all .fine. Crushed
fruits served with ice cream
soda.
Wilson's parmac
TENTH & O.
IMPROVING ON NATURE.
"Horrors!' exclaimed the beautiful
society woman. "Do you mean to try
to sell me that picture as an artistic
representation of a group of horses?"
The great artist paused a moment be
wildered. Then a light broke in upon
him, and with a few rapid strokes he
painted out all the long, graceful tails
on the horses and substituted for each
a docked tuft that stuck out straight
like a pump handle.
"Ah!" said the society
woman,
clapping her hands with
pleasure.
-'Now. that is a picture worth
having. '
OOOOOO
QPERR - HOUSE - BUFFET.
115 So. Twelfth St.
.... Under Funko Opera House.
Only the finest liquid refresh
ments served.
m BEHSON - CMS. NEIBMNDT
Proprietors.
OOOOO OOOOOC
A SCENE IN GOTHAM.
Such a pathetic little scene on Broad
way last Friday afternoon.
A funeral with one carriage and no
hearse baby's funeral.
On the seat with the driver lay the
little white pine box.
in the carriage the tiny baby's coffin
rested on the two stats while the young
father and mother sat opposite each
other, with their hands laid on the
white casket and their eyes dim with
tears.
A flash, and it was gone, and in its
place case a coupe containing a painted
siren, holding in her arms a fat and
pampered dog.
-
ISJVI
THE GENERAL AGENT
for
MUNYONS REMEDIES.
Druggist,
FUNKE OPERA HOUSE.
FOOD FOR SUPERSTITION.
The conversation turned upon the
fatal number, Friday, salt spilling and
other superstitions.
"It is not well to make too much fun
of such matters," gravely remarked
Brichanteau. "For instance, I had an
old uncle who, at the age of 77, com
mitted the imprudence of maicing one
of a dinner party of thirteen."
"And he died the next day?" Le Ribi
inquired.
"No, but exactly 13 years afterward."
A shudder ran through the audience.
A full
set of
Best
Teeth
$5.00
Teeth Extracted Without Pain.
All work guaranteed!
1.1.
.1214 O Street.
HIS INITIALS.
"What did you say that young man's
name is?" asked Mabel's father.
"Mr. Isaac Oliver Upton," was the
reply.
"H'm. I begin to understand,"
"To understand what?"
"A remark that was made about Mr.
Upton. I was told that he seldom
wrote his name in full; that he nearly
always used his initials."
PRESCRIPTIONS '
and SODA WATER '
I
The most reliable pharmacy l
1029 O Street '
I
McGALb & BURGH. I
I
OTOur i
Ice cream Boda i
is the best on earth. ....
MAJORIEKNEW.
"Jack was dreadfully stupid in Sun
Ay school to-day, mamma," said
Majorie, rushing in like a junior hurri
cane. "Teacher asked who John the
Baptist was, and Jack said he was a
forerunner. Then teacher asked what
that was, and Jack just got red and
looked at his feet, 'cause he couldn't
tell her and she didn't ask me."
"Could you have answered, sweet
heart?" asked her mother.
"Course I could. John was a man to
do Jesus's errands."
THE RESTAURANT
AT
BURLINGTON BEACH
At Lincoln Salt Lake is this sea
son under the management of an
experienced caterer, and your
patronage will be appreciated.
All kinds of meals, lunches and reJ
freshments always on hand.
6. l m
Concessionaire.!
H BICYCIE H
ill Shoes, Ifli
Shoes,
Pants,
Sweaters
-AT-
MAYER BROS.(
GIVING EARLY PROMISE
When the crowd was filling out from
the matinee young Mr. Youngly stepped
on the pretty girl's dress.
"Ob, shoo!" the pretty girl exclaimed
as she was thus suddenly hove-to.
Young Mr. Youngly saw his opportu
nity. "Don't shoo me," he smartly saiJ.
"I'm no cow."
"No." the pretty girl made answer as
she swept demurely past, "but you will
be when you grow up."
And it was 6even or eight minutes
before young Mr. Youngly could light
his cigarette.
OOOOOOOOOOO ooooooo ooooooo
ROY'S DRUG STORE ;
1014 P STREET.
Removal Sale '.
Special prices on all sun- j
dries, including Base Ball :
goods, Hammocks, Fishing
Rods and Tackle, &c. Sta- j
tionery, &c, &c., for the j
next two weeks :
Corner Tenth and P. Nisslcy's old stand. ;
KISSLEY'S OLD STAND.
oooooo ooooooo ooooooo ooooo
DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.
"Mamma, Jimmy Watts put a pin iu
the new teacher's chair to-day."
"And then what happened?"
"Nothin"; Jimmie says he used to be a
book agent."
GETTING ON ADMIRABLY.
"Mamma, Jimmie Watts is learning
to be a brakeman."
"Learning to be a brakeman?"
"Yes; he can holler Mooresville and
Junctionberg now so you can't under
stand him."
: P. J. WOHLENBURG, :
-manufacturer of- ;
fmive; cigars
and dealer in all leading cigars, :
'. pipes, snuff and smoking tobaccos; '.
: alBO canes :
128 South Eleventh Street, j
THE POLICEMAN WAS SELFISH.
The stalwart policeman had just res
cued the well-dressed gentleman from
the onslaught of the trolley car.
"Officer, are you married?" asked the
old gentleman.
"I am not," answered the officer,
"What made you deny having a fam
ily?" the other policeman asked after
the old gentleman had gone.
"Because J think he has an idea oT
sending me a present. If I had told
him I was married he would probably
sent me a b"x of fruit, or a ham or some
thing. As it is, I will likely get a box
of fine cigars, or maybe something in a
jug."
AMERICAN EXCHANGE MTIOMI BANK
LINCOLN, NEB.
I. M. RAYMOND,
President.
S. H. BURKHAH.
Cashier.
A. J. SAWYER
Vice President.
D.G.WING,
Assistant Cashier.
CAPITAL, $250,000 SURPLUS $15,000
Directors LH. Raymond, S. H. Burnbam,
C. O. Dawes. A. J. Sawyer, Lewis Gregory,
X. Z. Snell, G. Mv LamberUon, D. G. Wing,
S. W. Bnrnbam.
THE TIME WHEN.
The tailor knew the young man who
was looking over the samples.
"What's the price of that?" said the
customer, picking up the best thing in
the lot.
"Seventy five dollars."
The young man snapped it through
his fingers as if mentaly calculating.
"Well," he asked, "if I order it now
when can I get it?
"When you pay foi it!" responded the
tailor with a confidence that almost un
balanced the youug man.
CLARKSON
LAUNDRY
CO.
330-332-334-33G-33S
South Eleventh Street.
-Telephone 270.
THE ORGAN GRINDER..
He stands ontside ray window in the street,
A humblo minstrel of a dozen lays,
A memory of simpler, happy days.
Dcar"Home,SweetHomo and faithless "Mar
guerite," I did not know their music was half so sweet.
The "Washerwoman" and the 'Marseillaise,
I know not which should haTo my highest praise;
Their very crudeness makes them so complete.
Weary of Wagner and his turgid notes,
Of Verdi's acrobatic throats,
I revel in this arm-delivered air,
Which whips a score of years from ont my
sight.
Refills me with a bubbling boy's delight.
And leaves me scant of penuies and of care.
OOOOOOOOOOO ooooooo
i CYCLE PHOTOGRAPHS
8 ATHLETIC PHOTOGRAPHS
O PHOTOGRAPHS OF BABIES
l PHOTOGRAPHS OF GROUPS
g EXTERIOR VIEWS
The Photographer. x
129 South Eleventh Street O
oooooo ooooooooooo
DISCRIMINATION.
Pips, the lawyer, has a profound
knowledge of human nature, and is in
the habit of weighing cause and effect
with nice discriminaticn. When he has
won a case he writes to his client:
".I have won the action against A."
Bur when he has lost the case he
writes:
"You have lost your lawsuit with B.''
SsSSk
$3.00 Commutation tickets for 32.75
Good Meals 1 5 cents and up.
SHAFFERS AMDX
RESTAURANT.
Parlor and furnished rooms in
connection
133 South Twelfth street.
Lincoln, Neb.
F. SHAFFER, Proprietor.
NQ ROOM FOR THOUGHT.
"Shall we," whispered theyoiing wife,
"always be two souls with but single
thought?"
With an effort he repressed a shudder.
"No, d2rling,,be, answered bravely.
In summer- time the coal bin will be
empty and my overcoat will be in pawn,
and that will give us quite a bit more
room."
Then he gathered her up in his arms
and told her about the flats which were
still smaller than theirs, and which
could be occupied only by thoughtless
people.
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