THE COURIER.
HIS FIRST BRIEF.
"Mr. Scrimplo,' said the magnate to
the rising young lawyer, "I want to
make ubo of your valuable Ecrvices."
"Very well, Bir," said Scnmple, as he
gasped as the joyous prospect of a first
brief. "What can I do for you?
"A firm which competes with my
house," replied the magnato firmly, "is
about to bring an action for damages
against me, and I want you to get them
to engage you as their attorney."
mg&i
FOOLISH BEE.
IAM
"How doth the Httlo busy beo
Improve each shining hour.
And gather honey all the day
From every opening flower."
And when tlio season's work is done.
The frugal farmer man
Grabs all the honey gathered in
And damps it in his can.
And hence it seems to one who views
How things do come to pass.
That, in a modern business light.
The busy bee's an ass.
BICYCIB
THE GENERAL AGENT
m
for
Shoes,
Pants,
MUNYONS REMEDIES.
tap Sweaters
V
x$
IS -AT-
PA Art A V L T L? uu v xa
IW TAJt"
Druggist,
FUNKE OPERA HOUSE.
Kg innibix 'gS
'.&
i w
:
2
OOOOOOOOOOO"'
H. W. BROWN
Druggist and
Bookseller.
Wliltlnjs'i
Fine Stationery
and
Calling Cards
127 S. Eleventh Street.
PHONE 68.
OOOOOOOOOOO
DISCRIMINATION.
"It's rank injustice, so it is,'
said
Nero, mournfully.
"What's the matter?" inquired Fido.
"I've been thinking of the way the
public makes us wear tags."
"They're afraid that if we go around
having ourown way we'll kill somebody.'
"That's just where the unfairness
comes in. Why don't they make the
trolley cars wear tags?"
SODA-"IiIU10US"
2 Is what they say of our J
gOrotice T toop lioteS
Our soda is all fine. Crushed 5;
fruits served with ice cream
soda.
ni$oiTs pharmacy
TENTH & o.
SSftSi
( 'i1 '?' 9 "-'''
$
v
THE DISAGREEABLE MAN.
Hark, an infant wailed!
The Princess awoke.
She spoke:
"What is wrong with His Heirship?"
His Royal Highness laughed.
"Airship! Ha! Ha! Why, squalls, of
course!"
They took turn about walking the
floor with the little Prince, but their
Lord and Lady ships did not speak as
they passed in the night.
oooooo
OPERA HOUSE BUFFET.
115 So. Twelfth St.
.... Under Funko Oicra Houso.
Only the finest liquid refresh
ments served.
CHAS BENSON - GHAS. NEWBRANDI
Proprietors.
ooooooooooc
LOGICAL.
Petersbe moralizing Do you know,
if you didn't smoke you would save
about $G00 every 10 years?
Smithington (thoughtfully You do
not smoke?
Peterebe-iCertainly not! I haven't
for 20 years.
Smithington Then I suppose you
have got 81.200 to show for it?
The particular moral or joke of this
modern fable is that Petersbe was
forced to admit that he hadn't saved a
cent.
HE KNEW ALL RIGHT.
Teacher Do you know what pedigree
means, Bobby?
Bobby Yes, sir. It means your
father, your grandfather, great grand
father, greatgreat-grendfather, your
mother, your grandmother, great-grandmother,
great great-grandmother, your
cousin, your first cousin, second cousin,
third cousin
Teacher That's enough, Bobby; I
guess you know all right.
Best
Teeth
$5.00
Teeth Extracted Without Pain.
All work guaranteed!
I. T. IIIUMY,
....1214 0 Street.
IN 1 HE WRONG PEW.
"I want to take out some life insur
ance," he said.
"Certainly," exclaimed the active
young man, as ho hastily gathered an
application; "what occupaton, please?"
"Baseball umpire.'
"You'll find an accident company
just across the hall," coldly came the
active young man's voice, as he slowly
laid his pen aside.
1 PRESCRIPTIONS
' and SODA WATER
I
I The mosb reliable pharmacy
1 1029 O Street
IMcGALId & BURGH.
I
I I3"r0ur
I Ice cream soda
is the best on earth. . . .
AT BOOMSDAY.
"Ta-ran-ta-ra, Ta ran-ta-ra!"
For the third time Gabriel laid aside
his trumpet and listened.
"There is that strange sound coming
from the earth again,' he exclaimed im
patiently. "Let them alone for a few minutes,"
suggested St. Peter. "You have
waked a great many women, and they
must have time for the last word."
Placing his trumpet beside him,
Gabriel sat down, but it was plain to be
seen that he was annoved.
THE RESTAURANT
AT
BURLINGTON BEACH
At Lincoln Salt Lako is this sea
son under the management of an
experienced caterer, and your
patronago will be appreciated.
All kinds of meals, lunches and re
freshments always on hand.
ILL
Concessionaire.!
A full
KmBm
IN THE SPRING, TRA LA
Tho gentle wind blew among the
flowers.
Miss Daisy spoke:
"That Miss Sunflower leaves to-morrow."
"Yes"
Miss Rose was talking
"And I am glad of it, tho horrid thing!
She wears bloomers"
Miss Daisy interrupted her.
"Of late she has become positively
seedy!"
Then they stalked away logemer.
ooooooooooo ooooooo oooooo?
i ROY'S DIG IRE j
1014 P STREET.
Removal Sale :
Special prices on all sun- "
; dries, including Base Ball :
: goods, Hammocks, Fishing "
i Rods and Tackle, &c. Sta-
tionery, &c, &c, for the
; next two weeks ;
; Corner Tenth and P. Nissley's old stand.
I NISSLEY'S OLD STAND. "
oooooo ooooooo ooooooo ooooo
WOULD SPOIL HIS TRADE
"Come go with mo," the great ih)sician said
Unto the man who stood and begged with
sightless eye.
I'll point you out a way of light instead.
And mirror on your brain that deep-blue
bending sky;
I'll open to j ou the beauteous tilings of earth.
And azure deeps of yon tempestuous sea"
"Oh stow ycr guff" then chuckling in his
mirth
"I'm workin'disjero graft and on do strict
q.t."
P. J. WOHLENBUKG-,
-manufacturer of
XMIVIS CIGARS
and dealer in all leading cigars,
pipes, snuff and smoking tobaccos;
also canes
128 South Eleventh Street.
THE STRIKE OFF.
"Order! ordor! Yourcommittee reports
ladies that wo shall have to declare the
strike off."
(Confused cries of "Betrayed!" and
"The mean things!" and hisses.)
"Order! order! The men have cornered
all the pins. Not a black-headed pin
nor a safety nor even an ordinary, just
plain pin can be had for love or money.
It is useless to continue the struggle
any longer. The strike is broken."
Then 5,000,000 desolate homes through
out this broad land were gladdened bv
the return of their mistresses.
AMERICAN EXCHANGE NATIONAI BANK
LINCOLN, NEB.
I. M. RAYMOND,
President.
S. H. BUENHAM.
Cashier.
A.J.SAWYER
Vice President.
D. fi. WING,
Assistant Cashier.
CAPITAL, $25,000 SURPLUS $15,000
Directors -I. M.Raymond, S. H. Burnbatn.
C. O. Dawes. A. J. Sawyer, Lewis Gregory,
X. Z. Snell, G. M. Lambertson, D. G. Wing,
S. W. Burnham.
CLARKS0N
LAUNDRY
LU.
330-33J-334-33G-33S
South Eleventh Street.
--.Telephone 270.
A QUESTION OF AGE.
"You wheelmen will have to pay a
city tax on your bicycles now," said one
Pittsburger to another.
"indeed?"
"Yes; the new ordinance says that all
owners of bicycles and tricycles over the
age of 14 years, using tho public high
wajs. shall pay 50 cents for each
machine."
"That doesn't include me."
"What's the reason it doesn't, I'd like
to know?"
"My bicycle isn't 14 years old. I
bought it last spring."
ooooooooooo OOOOOOOOOOO
CYCLE PHOTOGRAPHS
ATHLETIC PHOTOGRAPHS
PHOTOGRAPHS OF BABIES
PHOTOGRAPHS OFGROUPS
EXTERIOR VIEWS
The Photographer.
129 South Eleventh Street 8
oooooo ooooooooooo
SHE HAD HIM.
Mrs. Xewed How are the biscuits.
George?
Xewed A trifle heavy, dearest.
Mrs. X. And the soup?
N. Too much seasoning in it.
Mrs. X. And the duck?
X. Done a little too much.
Mrs. X. I'm so sorry, dear, that your
dinner does not suit you. Your mother
prepared it.
KK
$3.00 Commutation tickets for 52.75.
Good Meals 5 cents and up.
SHAFFER'S 'ANNEX
RESTAURANT.
Parlor and furnished rooms in
connection
133 South Twelfth street.
Lincoln, Xeb.
F. SHAFFER, Proprietor.
ii--pss
THE MODEL MAN.
He never stays out lato at night ;
He doesn't smoke or drink;
Ho never flies into a rage;
In dress he's fashion's pink.
He is, in fact, a model man
Deny it if you can
He stands before a clothing store
A papier mache man.
taww
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