2 THE COURIER
DESERVES EXTREME PENALTY. FARM THANKSGIVING GHEER.
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A FAIR RETURN.
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The following we do not know the prop
er term to use was found inside the lin
niog of Charley Magoon's hat the other
day:
Why is Henry Oliver like the state of
Michigan? Because both have their capi
tal in Lansing.
In caBO of a local doctors' Spa(h)rring
match who would be victor?
Why does Frank Polk so, and why does
Billy invariably Turner, and why does Ed
remain Young, aud why does Charley
Waite so long? And why is J. B. so Trick
ey? And why does Dr. B. L. Paine?
WouldaLadd pull teeth? Is a Wing fly?
Did you ever see Frank Cook one of
those Gsh he is everlastingly telling you
about?
Is Hurlbut a Guy?
GONE TO SIOUX FAIsfeS.
Twas after the play as we bowled along
In the carriage. Ah, how well
There lingers now in my heart of hearts
The magic of that spell !
I dared not speak in an uttered word
The thought of my heart that night
But I gazed in her eyes and I felt she knew
And I thrilled with wild delight.
Then it was that I dared, as we sped along
To touch her hand with mine
Under the robe, and I thrilled again
With ecstasy divine.
And I pressed it gently. Alas for me !
For later on I own,
I found I'd pressed not my dear one's hand.
But that of her chaperone.
Oh, reader dear, pray blame me not,
This shows in me no luck;
I squeezed the wrong hand, it is true;
But then, she squeezed mine back.
Omaha Boy Lincoln ain't in it with
Omaha. See?
Lincoln Boy What are ye givin' us, you
slabsided Missouri River mud turtle?
Omaha Boy Why, Omaha's got great
men, and Lincoln ain't got any.
Lincoln Boy Where, in the city?
Omaha Boy Yes, in the city.
Lincoln Boy I reckon you have now, but just give Lincoln a
chance. Wait till our great man serves his time out at Sioux Falls
and gits back.
The children they are coming
From the east and from the west,
To enjoy the charm upon the farm
Their hearts account the best.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH WEIR
There's John, he is a broker
In a city far away
But he always leaves his dollars
For the old homestead that day.
There was a man ramed Weir,
And he wai decidedly queer.
In the years long ago
He fell out of his bed
And struck on his head
And that's what the matter with Weir.
BETRAYED.
DUE TO THE REPUBLICANS.
S?Kr
V "
Scene in the Mayor's office. Before His Honor are the chief of
police, the chief of the fire department, the chief street cleaner, the
chief meat inspector, the chief health officer, and various other
chiefs. The Mayor rises and addresses the company.
Gentlemen: I was a populist in the late campaign.
Nearly everybody else seemed to be a republican. The
republicans swept everything. And that is the reason
I am making a fool of myself. You, Mr. Cooper, can
dismiss all your men. On account of my bung snowed
under, out of sight, as it were, we will have no police.
And you, Mr. Malone, now that the republicans have
carried everything, can sell your fire engines for old met
al; and we won't have any more meat inspection, or any
more street cleaning, or any more health promotion, or
anything else. The republicans swept everything at the
polls, and the devil may take me if I care what be
comes of the city now."' Whirr! whirr!! biz! biz!!
In 1915: "You needn't tell me that Mary Parsay is not more than
23 years old. She is nearer 43 and I can prove it."
"But how?"
Just you watch her when she goes to cross a muddy street. Just
notice how she grabs at her trowsers to hold them out of the mud
the way women did 20 years ago when the wore skirts.
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'IKtT'l
till
bang : : I s-s-sow
One of the wheels in the Mayor's head had slipped a
trolley. That was all.
TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO.
4.tr
There's Maggie and the babies
And the boys grown up so tall.
They will flock to us like chickens
Whan they hear the dinner call.
In Nordsjeren, Copenhagen, we read that variety
-shows were common two thousand years ago. Som e of
the vaudeville queens that have appeared to us from
the Lincoln stage this season could doubtless have fur
nished us this information at first hand.
REPARTEE.
2Z2?s.,
"My dear,' Baid Mr. Kickles, "you are, to say the
leaBt, very hard to please."
"Oh I don't know about that," she replied. "I mar
ried you, you know."
Our old hearts will be delighted
When we see them gathered herp
When we see them seated round about
Our farm Thanksgiving cheer.
H. S. Kellar.
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