rE , THE BEE: OMAHA, SUNDAY, JULY 3, 1921.
The Marriea tife-dr
What a Nuisance Are Her Mother's Dinner Guests!
By CHARLES DANA GIBSON
Copjrrtf ht, Life FublUhlttf Co.
Helen and Warren
A Humiliating . Encounter Exposes
th Fatuity Of Feminine Pretense.
"What's your hurry? Why can't
you stay to supper?" urged Warren
with his usual hospitality.
That's very kind, but I don't
think. -we'd better," wavered Mrs.
Morgan, drawing on her immaculate
white gloves with obvious reluc
tance.
It's the maid's Sunday off.
There's just a cold supper but we'd
love to have you," murmured Helen
. desperately hoping' they would not
stay. . ,
"Oh. we wouldn't think of it I
know how it is when the maid's off,"
now1 briskly clasping her gloves
plainly, not enthusiastic over the
"cold supper." .
"Let's all go to the Giltmore,"
suggested ' Warren, who had been
talking" to Mr. Morgan. "Had a
mixed grill there the other day that
couldn't be beat."
"Dear, I'm afraid I can't go out
tonight," protested Helen hastily
knowing Warren would pay the bill
"I'm just getting over a neuralgic
toothache and it's so damp out
' : Wouldn't you all rather stay here?"
"We'd like to, but some friends
are stopping at the Astor-Ritz this
( week," Mrs. " Morgan suddenly re
' membered. "They wanted us to dine
;with. them tonight." j
, Then well make it some other
..time, Helen tried to conceal her re
lief:
; "I'm sure we'd enjoy it," observed
-Air. Morgan politely.
; "You've heard about the change of
-management at the Astor-Ritz?'
i'Mrs.' Morgan never missed an op
'portumty to air her knowledge of
.expensive restaurants. "We're hon
' ?ing they'll keep up the old standard
"l ve gotten so I simply can t eat any
, where else. It's the best cuisine in
'.New York."
' "Better than the Giltmore? I think
the food there is oarticularlv annA.
I Helen sought to cloak her ignorance
;ot the Astor-Kitz by her limited
-knowledge of the Giltmore. -
S ?We used to go there a lot, bu
Mteiy weve preferred the Astor-Ritz,
Don't you love their sauces
that Moussehne they serve with file
;,ot sole "
'That's a fine bookcase you have
.mere, remarked Mr. Morgan al
TWays restive under his wife's vaunt
vlub'lity. "Old Sheraton, isn't
.-it?"
"Yes. we broucrht that frnm T.rm
don," fluttered Helen, ever eager to
announce tnat tact.
...
vvc were going over this year,
Mut they say Europe is so overrun
Jith tourists I don't think we'd en-
7Joy it. Are vou eoine?"
'We hope to if Mr. Curtis can
,get away from his business," glowed
rneien.
You mean if we can raise the
cash." blurted Warren wickedly.
"That,9 good Heppelwhite
laoie. xouve got some nice old
..pieces," Mr. Morgan showed a
; genuine knowledge and appreciation
or oia turniture.
?. "I wish you'd seen our home be
'. tore we gave up the house. We
-had some wonderful old things that
uccii in me idmuy lor years,
eitusea his wife. I often regret
selling the house,' but with all those
servants it took my entire time
. just looking after them."
- "Yes, they are a care," agreed
Helen, as though accustomed to a
large household staff.
"Well, thank Heavens we can get
long with one," grumped Warren.
"And sometimes she's one too
many."
"Oh, can you manage with one?"
patronizingly.
"Of course we have a laundress,"
""'Helen hastened to explain, furious
at Warren's needless frankness. "And
'often an extra woman for cleaning."
' "Well, you're fortunate to get a
- general houseworker. They're very
"rare these days. Come, George, we
must be going. It's almost six.
'- You know it's hard to get a good
" table at the Astor-Ritz if you're
. late."
l: When finally the door closed after
them, Helen confronted Warren
. i with flaming indignation,
i: "You needn't have said we had
" only one servant! And about going
i abroad why did you say that about
raising the cash? She'll really be-
Jieve it.
- "Just why I said it. I was darned
sick of her four-flushing. All that
hot air about their house a dinky
f -, two-story shack down on Twelfth
i Mreet."
Why, dear, she spoke of all
, the servants and
"Never had more than one if she
had any! Morgan's always been
hard up."
"But look how she dresses. He
v.must have money now?"
"Not such an all-fired lot ' He
..made a little in Wall street on that
last flurry but she's blowing it all
.-in."
;. "Well, I'm glad they didn't stay
for supper. There's only that cold
. ... lamb and some potato salad."
"Huh, I want more than that.
We'll go out for a regular feed."
"Dear, not tonight. .If you're
i.. hungry I'R open a can of"
''Nothing doing. My Little Mary's
- Paging a mixed .grill at the Gilt
jmore." "If you must go out. let's go to
- that Italian place on Tenth street.
.-You said youd take me there again.
. And I'd love some spaghetti to-
. r -night."
"Oh, all right," grudgingly. If
you're so keen about it. Hustle
- and get ready. You' don't have to
doll up to go down there."
; At least she had steered him away
'. m from the Giltmore, exulted Helen as
; she buttoned into her second-best
blue taffeta. The Tenth street
Table d'Hote was only a dollar it
would have been six or seven at the
"- Astor-Ritz.
"Jove, we didn't bring an um
brella," Warren scanned the darken----ing
sky as they came out. "Well,
-.we won't go back now take a taxi
i.if it rains."
- Chicino's, on Tenth street, was a
:. .favorite Bohemian resort The food
--was fairly good, the portions gen-
. --erous, and the place moderately clean.
z. Though k was after 7:30 when they
entered the long, low-ceilinged, base-
..ment room was still crowded.
"There's a table they're just
.Jeaving," nudged Helen as a couple
..'rose.
The next moment they were
.. seated before a clutter of soiled
,i dishes and it coffee-sTtained cloth.
which Warren viewed with scowling
distaste.
The table reset, they were served
wnn tne usual Italian antipasti:
one lonely sardine, two slices of
salami, an olive, and a sliver of to
mato.
"Oh, dear, don't eat that salami,"
restrained Helen with a deep-rooted
aversion to sausage in any form.
"You don't know what it's made
of, and you don t need it this din
ner's so hearty."
"Now you dragged me down here
I'll eat what I choose," dispatch
ing with relish both the round,
greasy slices. ,
A plate of Minestrone soup, thick
with vegetables and macaroni, was
followed by a heaping platter of
spaghetti with chicken-liver sauce.
Warren, about to dispose of sev
eral yard of spaghetti skilfully
wound around his fork stopped short
at Helen's sudden gasp of dismay.
"Eh, what's wrpng?" the well-
laden fork poised in mid-air.
"The Morgans I" in ' an agonized
wnisper. - ...
"Where?"
"By the window. No, don't look
now please don't! Oh, how aw
ful!"
Well I say the ioke's on them.'
grinned Warren.
"VVhat will she think? I sa d I
couldnt go out with this tooth."
I hats what vou aret for lvinc
You're always cooking up some alibi
wnen you think 1 m going to shed
a lew dollars.
"Maybe they haven't - seen us.'
tensely. "Turn your chair this way
: so tney won t see your face.
What for? I'm not 'trying to
hide. After that spiel she gave us
about always going to the Astor-
Kitz hope she does see us.
Here s the menu. Pretend you're
reading tnat.
"I'll pretend nothinz!" exolosive
ly. "How the Sam Hill you going
to get cut ot here without passing
'em?" -. 1
, "We'll wait 'til they go."
"Huh. I'm not oarkinc her all
night. How far along are they?"
"Oh. Warren, thev'll see 'von!" a
he-traned his neck.
For the next half hour Helen
minced over her food trying to seem
unconscious, yet knowing her flush
ed face betrayed her embarrass
ment.
She labored to Droloncr the meal
but Warren was not to be delayed.
Refusing to lineer over the
he calmly called for their check.
-Dear. iust a few minutes Th ev'rp
having their cheese now they won't
be much lcneer. Oh. I CAN'T r,a
them! How can I exolaiu?"
"She'll be pretty busv doinc snme
explaining of her own." Then sepa
rating a 30-cent tip from the change,
vome aiong now. face the. music.
Could they get by withoat being
seen? As they approached the Mor
gans' table Helen, her gaze averted,
was thrusting her handkerchief intn
her bag.
Hello, Morgan! Didn't exnert
to see you here."
Whv. Mr. Curtis This T5 9 rn.
incidence" Mrs. Morgan was crim
son and her voice shrilly staccato.
"We we found our friends had
been called away this morning and
v ane noundered helplessly.
The the. Astor-Ritz was so crowd.
ed we thought we'd come down
here."
"Not a bad clace. A nd miffhtv
cheap," brusqued Warren pointedly.
"It's the first time we've ever
been here." Mrs. Morgan managed
a -depreciatory shrug. "One likes to
try these places just once." Then
cattishly, "Mrs. Curtis. I'm clad
your tooth got better so quickly."
"I I shouldn't have come out,"
stammered Helen. "But Mr. Curtis
wasn't in the mood for a home supper"
Ho pe we II all meet here again
some night. Mav not have that
muslin' sauce vou cet at the Astor.
Ritz," laughed Warren maliciously,
"but it's a pretty good olace when I
you don't feel flush. So lohg."
Out through the low rioorwav. tin
the basement steps, and the cooler
air of the street fanned Helen's
corchmg face. .
Oh. I I 'thought I'd frn thrnno-t.
the floor!"
"Huh. she got the worst of that
loid you shed do some tall ex
plaining. Pretty glib liar, too. Fair
ly good yourself but you're not in
her class. Poor old Morgan 1 He
got as red as a lobster." -
'Yes, I noticed that and he didn't
say a word."
"After all' that hoi air she shot
off about the Astor-Rhz to run in
to them at a cheap spaghetti joint!
That was great," with a chuckle.
Good as a showl Why squandor
on orcnestra seats when you
can get a laugh like that thrown
in with a $1 feed?" v
Next Week A comic calamity,
When Warren's Sister Stays All
Night."
(Copyright. 1821. Mabel Herbert Harper.)
Golf ' strengthens the mind and
body, builds character and morals
and makes its devotees men among
men, or women among women, as
the case may be.
In this respect it differs from
dancing, which converts its fol
lowers into men among women, or
women among men, also as the case
may be.
The latter condition leads to mar
riage, which in modern times leads
to divorce trials, and is therefore
not to be encouraged.
Many people regard golf as pro
hibitory because flf the expense in
GOLF
By JAMES J. MONTAGUE. -
tell the boy that you sliced It, and
that you will not repeat that error
again if you know yourself.
If you happen to put on the wrong
rubber, tell him that you were in too
much of a hurry and that you will
remember to consult him before
choosing your rubber again.
You would do much the same
thing if you began golf in the old
time style and took a caddy with
you out on the course.
The caddy would cost you 85
cents an hour or more if he was
able to overawe you, as he would
be, and he would be little more
Published by arrangement with Life.
Art Invades Arctic Circle;
Eskimos in Igloo Musicals
Edmonton, Alberta, July 2. Igloo
musicales and literary circles may
become fashionable amorfg the Es
kimos. Dennis Anotok, of Ander
son river, leader of sub-polar cogno
scenti, has written to Edmonton for
a phonograph, forty records of re
cent songs and popular novels. His
order came by the last mail from
Dawson. N
Ihe songs are those that have
won the plaudits of the cabarets, the
kind that jazz connoisseurs describe
as "Knockouts, believe me" mam
my songs, hula songs, ragtime love,
the gamut of blues from cerulean to
mdigo, passionate tabasco melodies
warranted to heat an igloo when the
temperature outdoors is seventy be-
Tu... j:.. ...
'" iicsc amies win give - the
Arctic its first taste of canned mu
sic. Cat Cemetery and Nursery
Found in Apartment House
Boton, July 2. A cat colonv
containing forty-two felines, alive
and dead, of all shapes, shades arid
sizes was discovered when health
department and animal rescue league
officials forced their wav into ihe
apartment of Miss Letty Austin, at
No. 108 School street Roxbury.
Sixteen dead cats, each neatly
wrapped in tissue and , newspaper,
enclosed in pasteboard boxes with
in wooden cases, were found inside
the house, and 26 other tabbies very
m;:ch alive disnnrtH dirmui.,.. ;n
the yard,- 1
'( " 1 " . flA.lw;JMii'Hili'.iin'r
time and money, but this ' view is
based on insufficient knowledge of
the game.
Anybody may grasp the essen
tials of golf without so much as
taking a club in his hand or ad
dressing a ball or a caddy.
In fact in the beginning it is
better to do your golfing as far
away from a golf course as possible,
and without either clubs or caddies.
Both of these accompaniments of
the game tend to confuse the mind
and divert it from the business at
hand, which is the cultivation of self
control. .
This any honest golfer will tell
you.
When you take up golf, first go
to a lumber yard and purchase
several bundles of lath, which can
be had even now at a. very reason
able price, as compared to golf clubs,
Take these lathes to your bed
room, and fqr an houf after arising
Dreak trom one to ten ot them over
your knee, throw the fragments on
the floor and stamp on them.
' Hurl five or six others out of a
window, or down an air shaft.
This will be the beginning of vour
lesson in self control. You will
find as time progresses that you will
break fewer and fewer of the lathes
and throw a smaller number of them
out of the window.
Now if you did this with clubs,
as you would do if you were foolish
enough to begin your golf in the
old fashioned way, it would entail
a very considerable expense.
Golf clubs cost from $5 up if you
pick out the ones you want, which
you never do. '
If you pick out the ones the golf
goods salesman or the club profes
sional tells you to pick out, which
you always do, they will cost con
siderably more.
Some golfers invest several hun
dred dollars in golf clubs alone,
merely for the purpose of Wreaking
them, which doesn't pay and injures
the credit of the nation as all de
struction of property is bound to do.
Training in Excuses.
After you have acquired enough
self control so that you can get
along with breaking only two or
three lathes a day, pip k out the most
impudent and self-superior office boy
of your acquaintance and apologize
to him for everything you do in his
presence.
If vou sharpen a lead pencil badly,
adept at receiving your continued
apologies than would the ordinary
otrice boy.
When the boy has reached the
proper pitch of disdain, which
boy can easily do, begin to give
him small objects to lose about the
office and join him in the search
for them.
Always respect his judgment as
to their whereabouts, although you
may feel certain that they have
been lost in a different place from
the one in which he is looking.
If he should by' chance find any
ot them, tell him he has a wonder.
Landlady Uses Horsewhip
On Her Musical Tenants
Detroit, July , 2. Mr. and Mrs.
John Barsby lived in a fashio-nable
apartment house, where the rules
forbade music of any kind. The
Barsbys observed this regulation im
plicitly, except for a fife, a xylo
phone, a bass viol and a phonograph
Mrs. Barsby holds that such a
trivial lapse is no justification for a
horsewhipping. Accordingly she
haled Mrs. Lillie White into court
on an assault and battery charge.
Mrs. White is manager of the non-
musical apartment house. She is al
leged to have done the horsewhip
ping, employing Mr. and Mrs
Barsby as her targets. Mrs. Barsby
tcld the judge she and her husband
were ordered to move because of the
fife, xylophone, bass viol and pho
nograph. When they suggested a
efund on their rent Mrs. White
came to bat with her horsewhip, it
was charged.
Describing himself as a "Sparkler.''
and being asked what it meant, a
witness in a London court said, "I
sell imitation diamonds to servant
girls."
Dress your children be
comingly and econom
ically. Send ns $1.00
and we will forward you
ty parcel poit paid, one
pair of rompers that re
tail for $2.00. You are
able to benefit by our
manufacturer's whole
sale prices and save
two profits.
Pacific Romper Manu
facturing Co., Pacific
Bid;., San Francisco.Cal
Write for Catalog.
ful eye, and that he is really a re
markable boy.
It is not at all necessary to use
strong language in taking up golf
although some golfers hold that it
help9.
You can, howtver, use strong lan
guage just as well in-the home as
you can on the golf course, and
have more time to think uo ant
expressions, as your mind will not
be occupied with remembering
things that your friends have taught
you aoout the game.
You will now need only one thing,
wrutn is tne advice ot your friends
regarding everything you do loud
and persistent advice, usually begin
ning with, 'you re doing that all
wrong. Now watch me do it."
If you can survive two weeks of
that and still remain the friend of
man, you have learned all that golf
can teach you, and will never need
to buy a club, to pay a caddy or
to send in a check for membership
dues.
(Copyright, 1921. by Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
"
Tabby Kitten Born With 1921
Plainly Marked on Stomach
London, July 2. All London is
interested in a kitten that has just
been born. It is generally tabby, but
on its white stomach is "1921" dis
tinctly marked in gray fur.
The theory is that before the kit
ten's birth the mother's favorite
resting place was a spot where a
sacked marked "1921"' was continu
ally before her eyes. The kitten's,
i ..
owner reiuses to sen it.
"How fortunate it is," remarks a
morning paper, "that women are
not born with the date of birth on
them,"
Letters From Father
To His Son
an
(Continued From Page One.)
"You can't shew wooden legs
you can t show folks dym.
What 11 1 put in? says the. pro
ducer. "Put in fer a title, 'The Admiral
Benbow Inn was a faverite meetin'
place fer the honest makeral fisher
man o' th' village."
"Then, after a close-up o' two
fishermen playin' checkers in sou'
westers, you can run a few hundred
feet of our special edycational fillum
on th' makeral industry. After that,
if you got to kill off the old Dodo,
do it with a title: ' .
" 'Time, th' Grim Reaper, . sum
moned Cap'en . Bones to his last
command' That won't do no harm
'cause nobody'll know what you're
talkin' about."
The Plot Coagulates.
From this on, as' you remember
th' story, the kid finds th' man in
the Cap'en's chest.. I don't know
how he got into it unless he at
tended the autopsy. At anv rate it
showed where the ol' Buzzardjiad
burried th' treasure. So he gets hold
ot a doctor an a lawyer; what had
more time than brains, an' they all
sail away on th' Hispaniola to find
th' booty. Things might 'a gone
fine if everybody on board hadn't
been a crook. By the time they got
to the island they was about as con
genial as an inforcement agent at a
bartender s wake.
The scenes on the island resemble
an open season in a shootin' gallery
with the treasure as a prize fer the
highest score. The committee o'
business men, who must 'a been
practisin' in their cellers beforehand,
finally win cut an' divide th' gold.
The Sensors didn't object to the
fillum showin' th' Hispaniola sailin'
up an' down outside o' Pasedena, but
when they came to the part on the
island they most threw a fit. The
producer complained if they cut all
that out it didn't leave more'n a few
hundred feet to the whole fillum,
taken
the bottom o' the ocean
through a glass-bottom boat.
Havm' brought the1 hero safe
through these perilus adventures
they showed him diggin' up the
treasure which he immediately in
vested in auto dusters fer the na
tives. Fer a windup he hoists the
American flag to a palm tree while
a fellow behind the screen plays
Taps on a key-bugle.
It must 'a been a Sensor what
wrote "There's no Place Like
Home." They're doin' a fine work
One o' the Sensors suggested that a"' 1 h?Pe before he,v 8et through
they string it out by showin' some
o' th' flora an' fauna found on the
island. But the Chairman says he
wasn't goin' to have no heathen Flor
an' Fauna doin shimmv Hance.4 in
any o' his pictures. .
Ihey finally compromised by ad
din' on part of an eld fillum called
"A Trip Through a California Prune
Orchard." That didn't make the
reel quite long enough, so they
tacked on some hair-raisin' views o'
Watch One Corn
end in this way
. then decide T
Learn now the right way
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Apply Blue-jay the liquid
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Mark how the pain stops.
Watch the corn, in a little
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Stop paring corns it is
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mm
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A Hygienic Remedy
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Ask Your Druggist
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5ofa Manafaetartrt
LYKO MEDICINE COMPANY
New York Kansas City
NHL
they sensor evcrythin' from newspa
pers to grey hats an' cloth top shoes.
I'm goin' t' wait till they get th'
whole field covered, then . I 'mj goin'
to apply fer a job sensorin' th". .Sen
sors. Strictly yours,
AMOiT AMESBY, '
' " ." . Father. '
(Copyright. 1921,-by Ed Streeter.)
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cured. Writ for book on Rectal Diseases, with names and testimonials of mora than ..fc.-.tive research and will send-hi. F.
wV s-iviuiudit iwp wuw uwwm permanently curvo
TG)5TI, ristuta-rav When Cured I w
J r J I J ICC tS) A m"d ?tn ot treatment that eurea Piles, Fistula and othet ! uaUonV '
m mm -mmmw - - Mew diseases in a snon time, wiinout a severe aureieai on .....
DR. S. R. TARRY Saaatsriusa, feters Trust Bldf. (Be Bldg.) Omaha, Nstt
Book on the subject to any sufferer from
Constipation who will wrtie him at Room
164, rarkview Sanitarium, Kansas City, Mo.
II ' yoa ar servou. dsspondsot, weak, I
II
you ar Bervous. Mpondsot,
no down, through exesas or other eaos.
we want to mail you our bsok which tails
a boot SEXTONIQUE. a rtstcntiie rsnMdr
that will cost you nothing If yoa ar not
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tonie to ovarrome prrwmsl wsakosa. eta
should get this fre book at our,
CUMBERLAND CHEMICAL COMPANY
440 Berry Block, Nashville, Teaa.
Money back without question
if HUNT'S GUARANTEED
8 KIN DISEASE REMEDIES
(Hunt's Salv and 8oap),fail in
the treatment ot Itch, Bcsoma,
Rina-worm.Tettrorot.srltch.
Ing tkin distawa. Try this
-tniaci of ou- rttk.
Sherman A McCosnetl 5 Drug Storsg