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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (May 22, 1921)
12 A THE BEE: OMAHA. SUNDAY, MAY 22. 1921. Letters From a Home-Made Father To His Son Vhy Work When Yon Can Lee ture? Dear Son: Don't get worryiu' about what you're goin to do when you ge't out of college. If you can't make a livin' workin ' you can al ways be a lecturer. Every young man these days ought to give a thouaht to the lecture platform. It's a little overcrowded, but if you ever get a foothold on it it's the last thinkin' you'll have to do. Up 'till a few years ago folks thought of a. lecturer as a fellow who stood in a dark room -with a fishin' pole an pointed hisscl out in the lantern slides to the adinfrin' au dience. But that was the beginnin' of the industry an like all beginnings it was crude. The lecturer didn't even need to own a dress suit cause he spoke in the dark. He didn't need to wear anythin' for that mat ter if he was careful to leave before the lights was turned on. In those days all you had to do was to go somewhere an' take sonic pictures of it. VProf. Juniper will lecture this evenm' on his trip through the heart an' lungs of Africa illustrated with lantern slides showin' some of the more shady places he visited on the Dark Continent." As long1 as a man had sense enough to know when a picture was upside down he was a lecturer. 1 . . f t:.. ..... BUt tlie Illgn COSI d Udvcim yui an end to all that. Besides which the '.Sunday papers has made Fckin an' the pyramids about as thrilling as Main Street an' the town hall. If you want to be a lecturer today all vou have to do is to write a book an' get it published. It don't make much difference what Vou write about as long as you're gloomy enough about it. ..,,' If it's a novel you're stnvin ter, j take a mail order catalog, hang h , plot around it about how the cook had a secret love fcr the ice man still she found he was the father of four, nti' Hivirlo it no into chanters. The , main thing is to show everybody , account 0f i,;s impressions of Ho llow unhappy they are. j boken. You can't go wrong if you rcme m- j . Basking' In Publicity, her the motto that alls well tha. j "Amoncr the arrivals on board the Aq'uitania was Mr. Dolemus Diggs, the imminent novelist. He was pic turesquely dressed in a plaid shawl, a gray flannel cut away, an' a green umbrella. Asked what he thought of 26 Americans Are Added to New York Uni Hall of Fame The Married Life of Helen and Warren ends bad. Must Have a Hall. Havin' published your book your r.ext move is to hire a hall an' start talkin'. ' hear this genyus," j America Mr. Diggs threw one leg "I V o-o an savs the public. "He's the most de lightfully depressin' person we've read this year. An' what a knowl edge of life. Did you read that won derful description of a kitchen sink in Chapter 24? An' as f'er that part about puttin' up the storm , door I consider it one of the finest bits in literatoor." In plannin' your lectures never mind what you're goin' to say. You , can work that out while you're on the platform drinkin' the glass of .water furnished by the house com mittee. Once you get the public past the box office your responsibility is over. What you talk about don't amount to anything. It's what you 'say you're goin to talk about that v counts. You need something catchy like "Should Divorce Preceed Mar- . riage?" "The Beauty of Ugliness," "The Joys of Bein' Unhappy," an crt nit Havin' selected your titles an' your press agent hire you a dress suit, anchor your eyeglass to your colter button with a black cable an' you're all set. Durin' the last winter I helped support about two dozen lec turers on account of your mother so I know about how the speech should go. ' "Dear Friends:. It is a , great privilege to be able to stand here to- j night an' look, ovfcr an' talk over the heads of such an intelligent audi- j ence. I have com to you with a j message. Durin' the few brief hours j which is allowed me I will endeavor ! to tell you what the trouble is w ith j the world." . j "The main trouble is that it's all wrong. Our laws are no good. I j could write a better set 'with my left ; hand. ' ' j "Our statesmen don't know what : they are talkin' about as I have 1 proved repeatedly in my writin's to the public cress. "Religion has crumbled. Nobody goes to church any more at least so I'm told. The Bible was well enough in its day, but its English is poor an' it's full of bad spcllin'. I am now workin' on a revised edition brinjtin' the Old Testament up to the Peace Conference an' finishin' it off with a chapter pn labor unions. Until this is finishedd you'll have to get along as best you can with what you've got. Cumulative Calamity. "Wimmin's suffrage was a treat mistake. Democratic government is j an wrong. .None of the voters has intelligence enough to know what's good fer 'cm. ,llowin' vwimmin to vote has only made the situation twice as bad bv doublin' the number of votes. It can't last long. That's , the only consolation. A couple of i years will end the : whole thing. What's comin' then I haven't decid ed. 1 m writm' a book on it now an' i I won't know till it's finished. . , "History is nothin' but a hollow t deception. It contains no great fig- j ures. As I showed in my last book j most ot your taveritc heroes not only had no figures at all but was bunco men besides. Julius Caeser was a weak-minded rake what spent j all his time ridin' up an' down the j Kile with Cleopatry on eexcursion j boats. An' recent photographs has I showed that . Cleonatrv was a laror ! bony woman with a red nose. : "Shakcspear swiped all his plots j , (rom a man named McCrcady aa' i ndrre-of his shows ran , more than -j two weeks. Napoleon was a ditth, j bald-headed man with the indyges tion. . I . "In summin' up let me say the I world will be at war again in two years. Bolshvism at our throats, j . prices higher than ever, wages out of sight, an there's every likelihood of there bein' a plague. Thankin you ' fcr your kind attention I suggest ! that we close the doors, turn on the j ga an' commit suicide." ! 'Twas the English who first found ', out our great desire to be talked at. Once the' .news got around it j made the gold1 rush of '4 look like ! a scramble for a dime. Every boat 1 was loaded to the gunals with lec turers. Every mornin' 'as I picked ' up my paper I see a photograph of the lafrst arrival with an interesting i j - "Mr. Diggs Threw one leg over a pile of baggage whimsically." he, giyhV vent to a hearty paradox. Whereupon he consented unwillin'ly to bein' photographed in seven dif ferent positions an' drove to his hotel." ...... What's the use in workin' an ac cumulate' troubles of your own when you can ' cam your livin' by tellin' other folks about theirs. If I was a young man just starfin' out I'd spend a couple of eeks in the ug liest town' I could find, write a novel on the ugliest person there an' putln the rest of my time lecturin' on the "Hopelessness of Bein', Hopeful.". I can't imagine a more injoyable way of passin' your life. t Yours talkitivelv, - AMOS H. AMESBY . '- . , ' FATH. . (Copyright. J921. by, Ed. Streeter) Carranza Henchman Shot And Killed as Enters Home Mexico. City, May 21. General Maximiliano Kloss, an Austrian who was at the head of the artillery bu reau of the War department during the Carranza administration and more recently Mexican consul gener al at Berlin, was shot and killed at the entrance of his home here last night. It is supposed his- assassin was a discharged employe. over a pile of baggage whimsically, looked around to see if there was any ladies near him an replied: - "America is the smallest big coun try in the world. I don't know any thin' about it an' I'm comin' over to ferget what I know. If I can learn more than I ferget while I'm here I'll know enough to ferget to, come back. "The great novelist seated himself in the middle .of ihe gang plank in a characteristic attitude. Then he threw back his head an' gave an cngagin' laugh. "You .see, he explained, my wife is carryin' the suit cases up from the cabin. I always let her attend to such matters. I don't understand these details. . ' , "He tapped on his ' mind signifi cantly. . ; ' "What do 'you think of prohibi tion?" he was asked. "The people of the United States is bein' drowned in a desert, says r-1 r 1 1 Tit tablet?, Dedicated to illus trious- Citizens, Are Unveil ed at Exercises Attended by Prominent Folk. New York, May 21. The names of 26 famous American men and women were placed today in the , Hall of Fame of New York university. Im pressive ceremonies attended the, un veiling of the tablets attesting to their celebrity. . The exercises were attended by hundreds of men and women promi nent m literature, education, science, music, art, statecraft and army and naval life. The names of six men and one woman for whom tablets were unveiled were selected in the quin quennial election held in 1920. The other 19 names were chosen in a previous election but. their tablets had not before been unveiled. - The 26 persons whose achieve ments 'are thus honored are: Samuel Langhorne Clemons, i author; Roger Williams, preacher and theologian; ' James , Buchanan Eads, engineer; William Thomas Green Morton, physician and sur geon; Patrick Henry, ; statesman; Augustus Saint-Gaudens, -sculptor; Alice Freeman Palmer educator; George Bancroft, histprian; William Cullen Bryant, poet; James Feni more Cooper, novelist; Oliver Wen dell Holmes, poet; John Lothrop Motley, historion ; Edgar Allen Poe, j poet; rrancis ' Parkman', historian; Mark Hopkins, educator; Phillips Brooks, preacher and theologian; Louis Agasiz,. scientist; Joseph Henry,' scientist; Elias Howe, in ventor; Daniel Boone, explorer; Ru fus Choatc, lawyer and. jurist;. An drew Jackson, statesman; Alexander Hamilton, statesman;' Harriet Beech- er Stowe, author; Frances Elizabeth Willard, reformer; Charlotte S. Cushman, actress. ... The Hall of Fame is a colonnade 500 feet in length, on the grounds of New York , university, overlooking the Palisades in the Hudson river and the valleys of the Hudson and Harlem rivers. Throughout the length of this colonnade provision is made tor JSU tablets. Under the provisions made for the election of candidates to the hall the quota will be completed by the year 2000. The unveiling of each tablet will be under the direction of a committee com posed of men and women interested in the line of endeavor followed by the one to whom the tablet is dedi cated. x- Lloyd George Leaves for Hythe to Spend Week End London, May 21. Prime Minister Lloyd George has gone to Hythe near Dover, where he will spend the .week-end with Sir Philip Sassoon. Suggestion was made that he would meet Premier Briand of France while at Hythe, but dispatches from Faris indicated there was no disposition on the part of the Ffench premier to discuss the Silesian situation.vith Mr. Lloyd George before Tuesday it the earliest. ; Bee Want Ads Are Business Getters. Warren Extends a Frosty Reception to Kindly But Intrusive Neighbors. "Dear, we've, plenty of time." Helen coaxed as they left the dinner table, "It's only half-past seven. You can phone for seats." "Nothing doing. Too tired," glunimed Warrcii. "But we ought to go somewhere on your birthday." Well, you won t root me out to any show tonight. Where's that last number of Colmore's?" searching through the magazines on the library table. "Why the Sam Hill don't you clear these out?" "I do after they're 2 months old but we take so many. Here it is." "Pretty fair cigars," opening the birthday box Lawrence had sent him. "Wonder where he gets 'em,'' "They're made for his club, aren't they?" She drew up her own easy chair. .', . ' . Scttli-d with the last installment of "The Veiled . Shadow," Helen vwas quite reconciled to t lie evening at home. Pussy Purr-Mew, curled in the ;chair, beside her, contributed to the atmosphere of restful content. It was after 9 when this domestic serenity .was disturbed by Cora, plainly flustered, appearing at the door. , . "Mrs. Curtis, could I speak to you a mlnutee?" Was something wrong? Was she going to give notice? With sick ap prehension Helen followed her into the dining room.' They re some people out here! They wouldn't go to .the front door." Jn-the kitchen Helen was con fronted by an amazing scene. There stood the Sanfords from the apartment below with a large basket, and the. Merlins from Jhe 11th floor with a pail of ice cream. j He didn t hear us, did he stage whispered Mrs.' Sanford. ''Let's get the table all set before we calj him I" ; A surprise' party. Helen tried o ,coiiceal . her dismay. .How' would ,1. .1- ttJ -I. vvarren xaKe u.r ne was always contemptuous of such childish, fes tivities.' . . "Why, how did you know it .was his birthday ':" she stammered. "You mentioned it last Thursday at bridge. I thought of it ' then." "We'll put one over on Curtis this time." chuckled Mr. Sanford. "Sh-sh," warned Mrs. Merlin. "Don't let him Iiear us." .- ' Whispering and "giggling,, they all trooped into the dining' room after Helen Had drawn the folding doors. Everyone helped unpack the bas ket. Roast chicken, sandwiches,' co cocoanut layer cake, cidcr.-and'afrivo-ous' assortment of paper favors. Mrs. Sanford helped bring in the dishes and glasses while the others arranged the table. . "Now we'll light the candles and cnll him," suggested Mrs. Merlin as. she placed thu cake, bristling with candles, in the center. ' . . f "'So, he'd see use when he rame in," protested her husband "Let's have the room dark. Say the lights are out of order ask him to come fix them." . They switched off the lights. Noiselessly' Helen slid open the doors. "How would Warren re spond? She knew lie abhored such parties and tonight he was tired. 1 Nervously apprehensive, she tried to make her voice natural as she called. "Dear, something's wrong with the dining room lights. They're all off.'' "I'll see about it in the morning. You don't need 'cm tonight." "Yes, I do. I want to get some thing from Ae sideboard. " 1 "Oh, all right," irritably: "Be there in a minute." A vibrant pause. Then they heard him coming. "Spilt anything out here?" a$ he i reached the door." "Smells like I booze." . . ' i.ne next second tne room was flooded with light and filled with howls of laughter. But Helen did not join in the gen eral mirth for Warren was in his pajamas. She had not dreamed he was getting ready for bed. But there he stood a ludicrous, night-clad fig ure. "What the hell does all this mean?" he demanded savagely. "Many happy returns 1" they shouted, hilarious at his absurd ap pearance. Helen gasped. His paja mas did not even match! The plain blue coat clashed gaudily with the pink-striped trousers, ile had taken them from the drawer, regardless of their mates. "Go quick get dressed!" she. was trying to shove .him out of the room. "I'll be dashed if I. -will! If you folks wanted a party why in blazes didn't you call up and say so?" : "'Warren, don't be rude!" She' fairly forced him out. "Get into yoilr clothes--quick!" ' The painful constraint that fol lowed was relieved by the haughty entrance of Pussy Purr-Mcw. While ' Mrs. Merlin fed her bits of chicken before an. admiring audience, Helen slipped out to : hasten ' Warren's toilet. , . ' Rushing into the bedroom, she was horrified to find him in bed! ; "Warren, you can't act like this! Y'ou've got. to Jress and come, out." j "Why have'l?". belligerently.- "I won't join that idiotic party.- I'm tired and I've gone to bed. You tell 'cm so!" , "They'll ' never ' forgiv e you. They've brought a great basket of expensive things. You must come," trying to drag him out of bed. "Here, you let mo alone!" jerk-, ing back the bedclothes. "Warren; you don't want to offend them, da you?" "Don't care a hoot vhether I do or not. Those fool Sanfords. This comes from your being so chummy with the people in the house. Oh, well, throw tuff mv bath robe. I'll put that on but I'll be hanged if I'll dress." His surly obstinacy was impervi ous to her pleadings. He would go in his robe or he would stay in bed. He had meant the toweling robe on the bath room door, but instead she brought . from the closets lus more decorous blanket robe. "Those slippers have no heels they show your bare feet," getting out his Romcos. "Now, dear, don't be rude do try to enter into the spirit of ill That's the least you can do aitcr they've gone to all this j trouble." '. ' Girdling the robe closer, lie slip pered into the dining room, his man ner far from gracious.- "I'm afraid, we struck you at the wrong time," observed Mr. Sanford. "No, it's just that he's had a head ache all day," lied Helen, to excuse his discourtesy. "He ate hapdly any dinner so I know, he'll enjoy this," holding her breath for fear he would blurt out some brusque denial. All the spontaneity had gone from the party, but working hard to bring it back, Helen had a swift" inspira-' tion. "I've just one bottle of cocktails that I've been saving. We're going to have it now!" unlocking the lower cart of the sideboard. Hoping the alcoholic cheer would dispel the restraint of Warren's chill reception, she served it in generous glasses. A strong mixture, it soon had a mellowing effect. With stimulated geniality they sat down to the table Warren an incongruous figure in his robe. ' "Who wants a drum-stick?" Mr. Merlin started to carve. "Hold on, you can't all have one this bird isn't a centipede." "A wing for me,"- clamored wife. "Oh, isn't she cunning? Pussy Purr-Mew sprang up on back of her chair. ."Give her neck." . "Does this suit my style beauty?" Mr. Sanford donned green fez cap from his tinseled favor. "Curtis, here's one for you," tearing open another. "This'll set off your boudoir effect." AVarren managed, a grin as he clapped on the frilled pink-and-blue cap. "It matches his piebald pajamas. his " as the the of the Is that the latest style, Curtis or it the missus making you wear out your odds and ends?" "Buttons all off the other coat," trousers and wasn't going M change." "Why, dear, I always go over th( laundry before it's put away." "Don't you worry, Mrs. Curtis. I bet he took 'em out wrong and wa( too lazy to, match 'cm up." "That makes me think; of a goo sleeping-car story," chuckled Mr, Merlin. Other jokes followed, but Warrea stubbornly refused to join in tin merriment. A reluctant grin was all the most hilarious story could evoke. Twice Helen nudged him as slu passed to the sideboard for an ex tra fork or spoon. Rut he failed to respond to her anxious promptings. When Mr. Sanford made the move for departure, in .spite of Helen's polite protest that "it was not late," they all rose with evident relief. Now at the crucial moment of leave-taking, she tried to make her effusive cordiality cover Warren's churlish unresponsiveness. "It's been a wonderful party we've enjoyed it so much! It was dear of you to think of it. I love unexpected things!" But she knew she was nervously overdoing it. A less gushing tribute would have sounded more sincere. Her face crimson - with self-consciousness, she finally closed the door after them. ( Returning to the dining room, she confronted Wawcn with flam ing indignation. ' "That was the mos selfish ill bred thing I've ever known you to do!" "It was, eh? Well, that's what you get for being so thick with tin- people in the house. Never have any privacy when you get too chummy.'' "I'm not chuitimy I It's only de cent to be neighborly. They went to all the trouble of getting this supper and for you to act as vou did!" "What'd I do? After the way the horned in here I was darned civil." "You sat there like a log!" she flared. "They're all furious but they were too polite to show it. None of thc(m will ever come near us again." "That!ll suit me fine," rolling his paper cap into a ball, he fired it at Pussy Purr-Mcw. "Less we have to do with the people in the house the better-I'll like it. They had their nerve to spring that fool party! Now let this mess go and get to bed. Next time anybody butts in here they 11 be handed a might frosty reception Copyright, 192J, by Mabel Herbert Harper. Drastic Reductions Now in Force at , Philip's Big Store Specials for Monday Only PLAY SUIT For the Little Folks BoyV and Girls' Play Suits and Rompers, made of Gingham and Chambray, finest washable material. light and dark colors, button in front or back, belted effects, large pockets, sizes 2 to 8; also large assortment of Little Folks' Coveralls, Slipovers, Kupid Clothes, etc., values up to $1.75, on sale for Monday, only- v 69c Finest Quality Tf 1 A uingnam aprons Best made, standard brand Aprons in different styles, light and dark colors, assorted patterns, made by the American Garment Co. of the best Percale and Gingham materials. On Sale Now at each 98c Regular $2.50 Val Muslin 36-inch finest Standard Brand Muslin, soft finish, extra fine woven, just what you have been looking for, at a never before-heard-of price of ' 15c avard Curtain Samples 1,500 pieces of finest Curtain Materials, many different patterns to select from; these samples are large enough for any window, in white and ecru; regular $1.00 value, on sale for Monday only at 39c each 24th and OS ts. South Omaha Atk for Green Trading Stamp. They Are Given With Each Purchaie. i Fresh Bargains for Monday in the ". -Annex i i ir a i - a. - jaaBaaaMwiHB i mi zi itsg 11 ETcP r - Continued Selling of Silk Dresses $9.95 In the Annex a iirpat neoreamzanon ame or ur esses s New Shipments Received in Time for Monday's Selling s Bl I I $4, $5 and $6 Dresses. Monday $3.00 1 200 more elegant house and porch dresses receivedor Monday. Made up in Ginghams, Tissues and the always S k nnitli- 7onhvi- ninoham Tilno arA wln'to atrinprl rlrpssps that, lisnnllv stell at $4 StS and $6. Mond av ' . . Sffc Mi iVUiai W "e". ...vV - 1J - r 1 T T V V w 3, $2.50 and $3.00 Petticoats JlSO 20 dozen Women's Floral Pat tern Heatherbloom Petticoats, fully finished sateen. s Corset Specials For Monday LOT 1 Your chance to get one of our Binner or Lady Ruth Corsets, made in that durable boning, front and back laee. Good assortment of sizes, special at ...................$5.00 LOT' 2 Pink, fancy striped, elastic top, unusual values. Spe cial for Monday at $3.79 Special for Women New Summer Dresses $19.50 Your choice Monday of 185 16vely Summer Dresses made up in Swisses, Import ed Ginghams, Tissues and French Voiles, in an almost endless variety of dainty, as well as practical styles. All shades, many checks, dots and floral pat terns. Suitable for the Miss, Matron or stylish stout. Monday, special values $19.50 Froni Alexander Smith & Sons RUG AUCTION On Sale , Third Floor On Sale Third Floor up Our buyers were "on the spot' again with plenty of cash. BeLow are a few of the many bargains "snapped RANGING FROM 25 UP TO 50 SALE MONDAY 9x12 Wilton Rug, worth $125, special $80.00 8-3x10-6 Wilton Rugs, worth $110, special. . . .$75.00 9x12 Carlton Axminster Rug, worth $80, spec. $60.00 9x12 Colonial Velvet Rug, worth $85, special. $60.00 9x12 Nepperham-Brussels Rug, worth $55, . special $40.00 7-6x9 Nepperham Brussels Rug, worth $37, special $25.00 9x12 Mannor Brussels Rug, worth $40, spec. .$25.00 7-6x9 Mannor Brussels Rug, worth $30, spec. .$18.00 6x9 Mannor Brussels Rug, worth $27, spec. $16.00 36x72 Smith's Axminster Rug, worth $15, special .$9.50 27x60 Smith's 'Axminster Rug, worth $ii, spec.$6.50 27x54 Smith's Axminster and Velvet Rugs, worth $5.50, special $3.25 Special on Inlaid Linoleum, worth $2.25, special, per square yard $1.50 Just received, a shipment of the Gold Seal Congoleum, worth 95c square yard, special, square yard. .70 We are headquarters for best window shades in west. Best Oil Opaque Shades. 36x84, spec. . .$1.25 UP !It Pays TRY HAYDEN'S FIRST It ?yS&ifi