The Omaha Sunday Bee
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OMAHA,- SUNDAY MORNING, MAY 30, 1920.
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Solved t at Jast! The greatest
problem known to mankind has
finally been untangled and is now
ready for public consumption.
Behold! What is so .rare as a
day in" June! then if ever come per
fect days.
Granted, the days are perfect.
But consider the huma'n and his dif
ficulties. Rarer than the most, precious cf
blood red rubies.
More' sought than the sparkling
diamond in the tiara ot .Princess
Penelope. '
More costly than a bushel of the
Dev est of new potatoes.
Up from the night's repose on the
bosom of Mother Earth, among the
fairies and gnomes that flitter hither
and yon amongst the daisies, pops
AVearie Willie, the most extensive
traveler known to modern man. .
And from his ruby lips comes the
unsolved que
answer: .
"What is
Unsolved query with its much sought
so rare as a da v. in
June? How about a beefsteak for IS
Wherein Our Hero Gets Big
Surprise Regarding Women
Dual Convention on Rear Platform of Wattles' Elec-
trie Ends in Crushing Blow to Male Men Who
See No Good in Entrance of Women Into Politics
Oh, a Smile Always Wins.
The Farnam car was speeding
westward a few days ago. The con
ductor and a talkative gentleman
rn the back platform were talking.
A woman got on. She is a well
known woman, prominent in politics
and public welfare. .
"That's Mrs. Whoizzit, quite a
leader in women's politics," said the
garrulous one.
"She looks like she'd be a good
talker, all right," volunteered , the
conductor. "Judging by her jaw, I
wouldn't want her for a wife." .
That's the Trouble.
"She could probably give you a
certain lecture that would last all
night if you came in 10 minutes later
than she thought you ought to,"
laughed the citizen of many "words.
"That's the trouble with them
suffergets, they talk too much,"
, spoke the conductor. "Talk an arm
off you. Always want to have their
way. Nobody else knows nothing,
ghat's what I got against 'em."
"I agree with you," said the man
of words. "Woman's place is in the
home. Being in politics makes 'em
wild. They lose their poise. Get
excited about the least little thing.
I know." ,
Look Out! Storm Ahead! ,
1 The buzzer rang but the con
ductor was so interested in the argu
ent that he didn't hear it. The car
shot past' Thirty-fourth street at
full speed.
GEN.STINGER IS SUED
FOR BREACH OF
PROMISE '
Miss Tessie Kewcumber Asks $100
. Heart Balm General Says It is
- - a Frame-Up By Political .
. Enemies.
A dastardly, attempt to blacken
- the character of General Ananias
Stinger, editor of the Bumble Bee
, and a leading candidate for the
presidency of the United States, was
made today when a suit for $100
. damages for breach of promise of
marriage was filed against him by
Miss Tessie Hyacinth Kewcumber.
"It is a frame-up," declared Clar-
ence Small Nickel, campaign mana
ger for General Stinger, in a state
ment issued right after he was ap
prized of the suit
"General Stinger's enemies, realiz
" ing that he is the most formidable
candidate now in thevfield, have re
sorted to ihese low-down methods of
trying to defeat ..him. They, have
i dug up this female, from, goodness
' ' knows where and have got her to file
this pretended suit. The general
T has never heard of her" : ;
The General's Story.
General Stinger, however, tells
. another story. He admits that he
has known her and has called at her
-home but denies that he ever
"popped the question." .He , says
, she did it. ..- 'W'-". ' : ;
had no intention of asking her
tomarry me, he said, when seen
hy a reporter tor The Bumble Bee,
is his apartment in an Est Doug
las street hotel "I treated heijas a
cents?".
With the approach of June, the
sixth month of the year containing
30 days, come as many myriad
thoughts. '
Behind is pushed the horrors of
rising at early dawn to rush madly
into the basement and heave
precious morsels of black diamonds
into the yawning abyss of the fur
nace door.
To the attic in moth balls go fur
coats and caps with earlaps, go
loshes ad othrr impedimenta per
taining to wintry blasts.
Just as it did so, Mrs. Whoizzit
appeared at the -rear door. Just
at the same instant the conductor
realized that he had forgotten to
give the motorman a bell. He looked
around, expecting to see an angry
ijvoman. He gave the bell cord a
violent jerk.
"And Mrs. Whoizzit smiled.
"That's all right," said she sweet
ly "I can get off at Thirty-sixth
street. It's just .a nice walk back
to Thirty-fourth street."
Knocked Him Cold.
"Gosh. I'm sorry, lady," blurted
the conductor. , ,
"Oh, don't mention it," said Mrs.
Whoizzit. "Conductors have a lot
to look after. I'm surprised they do
so well."
And the car slowed up and
stopped at Thirty-sixth. And the
conductor opened the, doors with
out slamming them. , - '
' He even smiled;
"I beg yer pardon," he said.
Think of a conductor saying that I
Full Day's Pay.
"Please don't mention it," smiled
Mrs. Whoizzit. ,
The doors closed. Two bells."
"Say, you can't tell me nothing
about suffergets," said the con
ductor. "Gosh, I hope she didn't hear what
we were saying," satd the other
man.
"I wouldn't have her hear it for
a day's pay," said the conductor.
gentleman treats i lady. I took her
cut walking and once took her for
a street car ride to Albright and re
turn. .. . ; '
. "This was the extent of my at
tions to the lady and if she says
I done or said more, she knows
"what she is, and I am too much -of
a gentleman to say it.
"As a matter of fact, she proposed
to me. Yes, sir, . she 'popped the
question,, and, while I am sensible
to the charms that a man of ap
pearance and success has to a girl,
I did not feel like marrying her and,
therefore, did not. That is ail there
is to it.
"This will not interfere with my
campaign any. The voters of this
country knpw what women are and
they will sympathize with me in the
present instance, and will rally to
my support more than ever. The
political bosses who have tried to
put up a job on me will find out
where they get off. That is all I've
got to say.
"However, if the girl should wish
to compromise for, say, $5, I might
Consider a proposition of that kind,
rather than have it dragged through
the courts."
: The GirPs Petition
Miss Kewcumber's petition states
that she has known the general for
27 years. In continues: , &
"The defendant. Stinger, invited
the plainti to go to hear W. J.
Bryan speak during his first cam
paign for the presidency. From this
invitation the friendship of plaintiff
and defendant ripened rapidly into
the tenderest feelings.
"In 1908 the defendant. Stinger,
began presenting the plaintiff with
gifts, remembering her on Christmas
of that year with a half-pound box
of chocolates. In 1915 the defen
dant, Stinger, took the plaintiff to
For this is the month of the June
bride and the June bug.
The June bug ist a useful little
beetle.. On its wee shoulders are
rested many a weavy burden and
much blame.
That dangerous human specie
known as man of the vampire type,
when charmed by slender ankle and
pretty face of charming maid, duly
flickers the eyelid.
Same Old Alibi.
At times he is successfulBut at
either times he is rebuffed.
Sweet Warblings of
"Borneo Bullfinch
. Puzzle Cafe Patrons
(A downtown cafe in Omaha re
cently added to its attractiveness by
installing several mechanical song
birds. The birds are induced by
hidden machinery to carol appealing
songs, to jerk their tails and open
their beaks in a manner most life
like. -Jn fact, the most sophisticated of
patrons were noticed looking lon
and hard at the tiny songsters, try
ing to appear as if they knew they
were or weren't real. .
Just as one of the birds burst into
a volley f song, a patron, a stout
gentleman, made up his mind about
the phenomenon, and inquired:
"What kind of a bird is that?"
nodding his head in its direction.
"That," said the manageress of
the cafe, "is a North Borneo bull
finch' The stout patron looked again.
"Uh-huh," he said.
Frank Expects Soon
To Be Able to Warble
In Twelve Languages
.
Frank Hermansky operates a drug
store on West Q street, Omaha's
most cosmopolitan district. In ad
dition to selling pills and tonics,
Frank also sells Victrola records.
Here-is where his troubles bubble
out. ' -
Hungarians want Hungarian
pieces. Italians want Italian pieces.
Poles want Polish records. And so
On. r .
Since Frank sells records in about
a dozen different languages, he feels
that the frequent repetition of the
above will be the inevitable cause
of his landing in a booby hatch, ere
long.
nzzixms
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a moving picture show to which he
had passes and in 1917, again having
passes, he escorted the plaintiff
again to a moving picture show.
"Early in the present year,- the
plaintiff, feeling that she should
learn the intentions of the defendant,
Stinger, inquired of him whether he
ever intended to lharry. The de
fendant, Stinger, answered that it
was not his intention to marry.
'Then what have you been taking up
my time for?' the plaintiff inquired,
to which the defendant, Stinger,
made no reply, i ,
"Since "that evening he has not
been to see the plaintiff. He has also
returned to plaintiff a pair of carpet
slippers, presented by her to him on
Christmas, 1912. v
' Also $100
"Plaintiff has been greatly, gross
ly, cruelly and terribly humiliated
and put to shame and caused to
suffer great anguish of mind and
held up to the scorn of. her friends
by these said acts aforesaid com
mitted and perpetrated by the de
fendant, Stinger.
, "Wherefore, she prays that the de
fendant, Stinger, be ordered and ad
judged to pay her the sum of $100."
Miss Kewcumber, when seen at
her home, built by 4erself, just
cast of the Locust street viaduct,
opposite the city dump, reiterated
the statements made in hey petition:
"After Ananias had gone with me
for 27 years, I had a right to ask
him whether his intentions were
serious. A girl has to look out for
herself. It is a Serious thing to tqy
with a girl's heart and I won't sfand
for it. ' '
"I thought he was a gentleman,
but he seems to be just a big bum.
Running for president of the United
States. . The poor prune couldn't be
elected dog catcher."
r t -
On these latter occasions, especiaj
ly, comes in the June bug . most
handily. :
For on little buggie's shoulder is
shifted the blame for said flickering
eye.
"Pahdon me. There must be some
mistake. A bug flew in my eye. Don't
flatter yourself. I was hardly wink
ing at you." ,
And as a rule, said flfrt gets away
with it.
LittleJune bug thrives most hearti
ly in the northern part of the United
Now They Know Why
That Old Lady Was So
Stem at Their Table
At the University of Omaha are
two young "turtle doves," a young
man and a young woman. In spite
of their tender years, they are en
gaged and they propose to devote
their lives to converting the heathen.
They probably will go to South
America, they say.
But this little story is not about
the mission field. It is about the
young pair. They have a "secret"
signal by which to convey love mes
sages in public. This eonsists of a
series of fqot taps. When "Lovey"
taps "Dovey's" foot five times, that
means, "Do you love me, tootsum
jwootsums?" And when "Dovey"
taps back on "Lovey's" foot four
r u-u ii n r . i mil ss
NKSU V Can-'t ;
3e ' t 35
If
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if your shoes pinch or cramp your feet. Your
mind is distracted from your work and the
muscular movement of the entire body is also
affected, by the pain caused by an ill-fitting
shoe. You can't do your best work with your
feet protesting every minute. ' -
OUR SHOES are built to Fit and Support
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Chiropodist, is in this store to advise you.
There is no 'charge for this service.
Competent Shoe Fitters to Serve You
W. S. Stryker
Dougtys Shoe Store, Inc.
117 North 16th St
Opposite Postoffice
5fc. "SEE STRYKER'
Nluui...
SArVATORfft"
This institution is the only one
in the central west with separate
buildings situated in their own
grounds, yet entirely distinct, and
rendering it possible to classify
cases. The one building being fit
ted for and devoted to the treat
ment of noncontagious and nonmen-
tal diseases, no others-being admit-'
ted ; the other Best Cottage ''being
designed for and devoted to the
exclusive treatment of select mental
cases requiring for a time watchful
care and special nursing,
States. He is any one of several
species of large brown melolonthine
beetles of genus Lachnocterna, so
called because they begin to fly
about the first of June, according
to Hon. Dannie Webster, Esq.
Hence June bug gets blamed for
everything.
Especially is he pestiferous when
the speed demon steps on 'er down
the country road. .
Dad Knows Well.
Into young Oldfield's eye flits
June bug, out of the car flops the
demon, and into the ditch goes the
car.
"If that bug hadn't" is the alibi
father hears.
But the queen of the May becomes
the bride of June in that fateful
sixth month of the year.
Why it is that pretty young brides
delight in picking June for their
wedding is more than the bold
young bridegrooms can figure.
But such is the case.
Some Good. At Last
And with furrowed brow and
stately mien, young Lothario stalks
down the aisle to his fate.
Statistics show that, more care
free young men have signed their
death warrants in the montn ot June
than during all the other months of
the year combined.
And the same statistics show that
fewer divorces grow out of June
weddings than from any other single
month of the 12.
Could it have been such world
wise thoughts that drove the poet
to formulate the famous line:
What is so rare as a day in June?
times, that means "Yes, dearie, f do,
indeed." , "
" Not long ago they were up in the
Y. W. C. A. cafeteria for lunch.
After they came out, "Dovey"
seemed not in her usual good spirits
and "Lovey" asked her what was the
matter. "
"Why, you didn't ask me once
while we were eating lunch whether
I loved you," pouted "Dovey."
"Oh, but I did, 'Dovey,'" ex
claimed "Lovey." "I asked you four
times and you never answered me."
And now the young pair know
why the stern looking old lady who
sat at the same table with them
looked so stern on at least four dif
ferent occasions while they were eat
ing.
"So -you think you ar becoming ne&r
Ighted, do you" said the optician.
''Yea, I do," replied the tlrtd bualne&i
man.
"What makes you think so?"
"Because I can't see a dollai go near
as far as I used to." Yonkers States
man. I
m
Do Your
ADVERTISEMENT
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if
Actress Shakes Wicked
Vertebrae In Omaha;
Dance Now All Rage
Miss Gladys James started it.
Jack Becket, bell boy, watched
her, and learned the trick.
And now "everybody's doin' it,"
including the cooks, waiters, clerks
and guests at" the hotel where Miss
James stopped.
For the "shoulder shaWng blues"
are catching. i
And Miss James, at the Orpheum
last week with William, Rock, is
their original exponent.
They're a cross between an Orien
tal, an Egyptian and a Hawaiian
dance, with a mixture of the vulgar
shimmy thrown in, Miss James said.
It is estimated that at least 24
gallons of soup have been spilled by
waiters since the "blues" became
popular at the hostelry.
Bell boys are shaking 'em as they
page bankers and silk salesmen.
Bankers and silk salesmen are
shaking 'em whenever they think no
one's looking.
They became popular at a dance
in the hostelry the other night.
There were no representatives of
the welfare board present, but Miss
James predicts that the welfare
board will be shaking 'em too, if it's
exposed to 'em. '
For the "shoulder-shaking blues"
surely are catching, i
Reading These Names
Almost Provides One
Of Those Headaches
The police morals squad was mak
ing the rounds of Omaha hotels in
search of a couple reported to have
ciupca irom ues Moines.
Here's what was found on the
register: George Barr of Altoona,
la.; John Sherry of Oskaloosa,
James Wines of Milwaukee and
Louis Ginn, who said he lived in
Oshkosh."
"What kind of stuff is this hotel
trying to pull," softly spoke the
head of the squad.
But the combination of anti-prohibition
names were not yet com
plete. On another page of the reg
ister Were affixed the names of
Clarence Porter and Emily Stout
from Toledo and I. M. Beer of Fre
mont. The hotel clerk said Mrs.
Beer was registered with her hus
band and was always near Beer
while he was in town.
Spanish? Who Knows
A special train bearing a number
of Mexicans came into the Omaha
Union station yards last week en
route to the beet fields of western
Nebraska.
The Mexicans wefe to change
trains here and a Union station offi
cial asked one old man what train
they were going out on.
The grand sire gave his shoulders
a true Spanish shrug. "Quien sabe,"J
1 T
saia ne.
The official stared. "What is your
name?" he asked in Spanish.
Fat Rafferty, answered the old
man.
A GREASY, PIMPLY
SKIN ,
COATED TONGUE AND
FOUL BREATH
Poisons in the blood, accu
mulated through the winter
months should be promptly
driven out by taking sulphur;
cream of tartar and molasses,
but it is so nauseating! Well,
then, just get a tube of Sul
pherb Tablets and they will do
the work pleasantly. They are
made of sulphur, cream of tar
tar and herbs sugar-coated
tablets. Stomach, liver, bowels
and blood are all benefited by
iheir occasional use4 Greasy
skin, pimples, coated tongue
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blood is bad. Mrs. B. Clarke,
905 Main St., Buffalo, writes:
"I have been using your Sul
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druggists. Don't accept ordi
nary "sulphur" tablets and be
nauseated and disappointed.
This wonderful bookwill be
sent freetoamj man upon re
quest ClMBOJlANDCHtMICALG).
502 flerry BK)CK,Ha3nvH)e,iein
ADVERTISEMENT
Face Peeling Habit
Becoming Fashionable
Women of fashion and refinement seem
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It doea seem a lot aaner to jutt peel off
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ful 'color and appearance now that this
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There is no truoble setting mercoliied
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carded cuticle.
Bee ' Want Ads Are Business
Boosters. - - .
It;
"Midnight George" Tells of ,
Outrunning . Bloodhounds
'Twas t . Exciting 60-Mile Race With Bloodthirsty
Dogs Down". In Oklahoma, Explains Guest of
Sheriff Clark. -
Rev. George Warren, of Alabama,
Oklahoma and other points south,
who is serving a six-months sentence
m the Douglas county jail on a
charge of breaking and- entering, is
one of the most interesting charac
ters ever confined tn Sheriff Llark s
boardiru? house, the sheriff says.
George is a little negro, very
black, and says he is "a duly b'dained
an ce tihed ministeh or the At ican
Methodist Episcopal church." He is
not guilty of the crime for which he
is incarcerated, he says, but pleaded
guilty so as- to avoid the possibility
of being sent to the penitentiary for
a long term,
Tells Bloodhound Adventure.
' George tells in inimitable style of
an amajing , all-night race-1 with
bloodhounds in Oklahoma on an oc
casion fourteen years ago, when,
again, he claims he was persecuted
by the law for another man's crime.
With many motions and gurgling
laughs he tells the story: -
"Ah'd come oveh an' wo'ked in
the ha'vest in Oklahoma. Then Ah
decided Ah'd go to Kansas City.
There ain't no use payin' money foh
a ticket when you can ride a freight.
So Ah met another fellow an' we
decided to take a freight that night.
"The freight pulled up an' stopped
foh water. The other fellow was
on the off side an' Ah was on the
near side. So Ah was just climbin'
aboard when Ah hear a terrible
shoutin' an' here come a crowd of
men. 'There he is', one of 'em yelled.
Ran Hounds Breathless.
"Well, Ah didn't know what was
the matter, so Ah lit out across the
fields. Ah run foh 'bout three
hours, from 11 o'clock to 2. Then
Ah, stopped an' listened an' Ah
heard them dogs. They was blood
hounds bayin1 'Woo-oo-oo.' Ah
said to mahself, 'Boy, you'd better
travel.' ,
"So out Ah lit again, an' Ah run
'bout three hours mo'e. Then Ah
was tuckered out foh sure an' Ah
Sport Slave Humbles
Star Reporter With
A Retort Courteous
The sporting editor was talking it
over with the star reporter, who
leans toward "art" and was trying
to -"gas" the low-brow of the sport
desk.
"I see a patriotic French sculptor
is making a bust of Georges Car-
pentier in marble," commented the
star reporter.
"Humph," growled the sport scribe
of low-brow inclinations, "that being
the case some patriotic Britisher
ought to sculp a bust of Joe Beckett
in ivory."
The star reporter ha$n t come up
for air yet. 1
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CORNER 14 AND DODGE 8TREETS
Opposite U.R Headquarters. QftAHA.
climbed up in a feller's hawmow
an' crept under the hay. In 'bout
10 minutes 'Ah heard the dogs
again. Up they come an" stopped
right at the barn an' soon men come
up with clubs an' shotguns. Two
of 'em stepped right on me, but
finally vthey went down an' Ah
heered one of 'em say, 'He ain't up
theh.' But another one says 'Ah'm
going' to look again. He must be
up theh.' So up he come an' finally
he found me. 'Come out of then,'
he says, an' Ah come.
"By that time the high sheiif
drove up in his car. They brought
me out. The minute he seen me he
says, 'That ain't the right man.'
Well, they held me,, till 8 o'clock an'
then they done turn me loose.
"But Ah sure run them dogs to
death. When they brought me out
of the barn the dogs just sat there
with their tongues hangin' out. The
high she'iff done told me later that
one of 'em died. Ah run 'im to
death. Ah reckon Ah cove'ed 50 to
75 miles that night."
"Miracle" In Muskogee.
George also tells of a remarkable
happening in Muskogee, Okla.
"The'e was a feller arrested the'e
foh preachin on the street without a
license. When he was in jail he get
down On his knees an' pray that the
Lo'd open the prison doors. An' the
walls begun to shake an' the doors
begun to rattle. An' the jailor come
up an' unlock the doors an say,
'You all get out of here an' don't you
ever come back.'
"Well, the'e was another feller ar
rested foh not suppo'tin' his wife. So
he knew 'bout this an' he start to
pray but them walls didn't shake one
little bit an' them doors didn't rat
tle. So he got mad an' - begun to
cuss 'bout prayin' hisself out of jail.
Hut Ah told him the e was a differ
ence.- Ihis other man hadn t vi lated
rib laws of the land in preachin'
without a license. That was why
the Lo'd opened up the prison foh
him." .
Smart Student Proves
Mathematical Problem
Prof. Says Impossible
The professor of mathematics at
Creighton college had just begun to
take combinations in algebra the
other day and in a preliminary ex
planation gave the illustration of a
man who had three suits of clothes
and two neckties and pointed out
that theuefore he was able to wear
six different combinations, that is,
one suit with each of the two neck
ties, whereat one of the wiseacres
popped and said: "He can wear
more than six combinations."
"Impossible!"
"Why, sure he can wear more
suppose he does not wear any suit
at all on one occasion?"
Gateleg Tables
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breakfast room
116 less 25
per cent
$12
Gas Stoves
All Reduced 25 Per Cent
A standard make, four
hole gas stove at $25 less 25
per cent
$18
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