Nebraska Newspapers

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Alley Rats Get Even
WiW"Slim," Who Beats
fom-Tom Nevermore
1
Twas a cold wintry night". A
heavy blanket of snow covered the
ground and the sharp, penetrating
wind, howled, forebodiiurlv. - The
"alley rats" had been loungingaboutJ
mc casement in tne nute House ,at
the Union stock yards for more
than three hours.
"Big Slim" often kept'them from
v enjoying their siesta by beating the
refuse can in the basement.
But on this cold night, when the
bully had just finished the prelude
to his nocturnal torn-torn, every
, member of the crew leaped from his
bunk and laid hands on him.
The bully, amazed at, this unex
pected opposition, struggled- hope
lessly against the united force. They
' rushed him into the cold night and
stripped him of all his clothes ex
cept the. trousers. " I
. Th& men stood him against a poje
and Bound him thereto wSth a rope,
and then retired to their bunks.
"Slim" was" rescued about two
hours later by one of the night
watchmen. He did not even catch
cold. But nevermore did "Slim"
; attempt to render another' tom-tom.
He Got His Rabbit, All
. Right, But He Hardly
Wanted It That Way
Ross Shotw.cll, brother of County
' Attorney Shotwell, had an astonish
ing experience while hunting in
western Nebraska a few weeks ago.
He,, Was having great luck in
shooting jack rabbits; He drew a
"bead" withSiis trusty shotgun on a
young rabbit which he saw sitting
iir front of a rabbit hole some dis
tance from him. '
, "Bangl" went the blundcrbus.
But instead of seeing a bunch of
fur fly into the air, Ross saw a
length of snake switch and writhe
around. . ":
Rushing to the scene,, he discov
ered that he had killed a'rattlesnake
five fe'et long.
The serpent's body was bulged out
- at the center and Mr. Shotwell se
' cured a knife and cut it open. '
Inside the snake he found a young
' rabbit, "fur and all." which tbf
s "rattler" had evidently swallowed a
short time before his death.
The snake had eight fatties which
Ross brought along home as a tro
phy. .
Mistress Mary, I hope you have taken
irnoit cars of my pets while I have been
away '
Mary Indeed. I have, ma'am. Only
nce did I forget to feed the cat.
Mistress I hope' she didn't suffer,
Mary Oh! No. ma'am. She ate the
canary and the parrot. London Answers. ,
TheOmaha Sunday Bee
OMAHA. SUNDAY MORNING, MAY 2, 1920.
Slanderous Retort on
State Capitol Wins
Hemp Smoke for 4 Wit
The state canitol building at the
asylum burg, down yonder, has been,
taKen lor everything ana anytntng,
from a replica of Noah's ark, to
Astor's stables.
The building started to decay
along with the present administra
tion, wiseacres about the. place
tell. -
Occasionally Omahans voice their
opinions of the joint, on joints in the
building. They class it with a mon
umental shack on Winspear .Tri
angle, near the Omaha city dump.
1 other mawnin, when Ld reter
son and Fhelan Shirley, Omaha con'
tractors, as 'well known on the
fourth floor of the Athletic club as
elsewhere, visited financial bugs in
the capitol building, they couldn't
restrain themselves trom opinions.
"Yeah, ft looks, like one of my
barns," Ed coined. .
"You must have a rotten barn,"
Shirley retorted.
And Shirley won the Flor de
Ropo.
Leffingwefl's; Spouse Spoils
. Perfect Spring Heart Throb
Husband Exnatiating'On Joys of Living When More
lviunaane-vvue interrupts mm ic4ucdw ahv
Hasten to the Back Yard and Devote His Time
To the Discovery of. Some Necessary Work.
P o 1 i c e S erge an t 0 f f e r s
His Job to Sir Oliver Lodge
Comfort Loses Heart
As "Hun" Tags at His Heels
Long, Waggly, Bleary-Eyed?, Sore-Footed, sBrass Col
lared, Benign Dachshund Creates Consternation
Along Farnam Street and at Elks' Club Now
He's Due for a Trip to Germany.
. Ezra B. Ferris, desk sergeant at
police headquarters and a member
of the department for many years
wants CommisslonerRinger to hire
Sir Oliver Lodge and place him at
the station where he can answer the
'umteen queries which are asked
daily. i ' .
"These fellows that come in here
think I'm art oracle, I guess," com
plained Sergeant Ferris the other J
night, as 14 persons all clamored
at the same time for information
about lost wives sons, dogs, liquor
and cars.
"If I had to stay here another 10
years, I fear I'd go foolish myself, f
A man came in the other night
and wanted to know where his wife
was. )tVhen -I asked him when he
last heard from h'er-he said it was
five months and that she. was work
ing in Omaha for six months. He
did not know how, "when or why
she came here. He could not even
give a description d( her.
"I was supposed to know just
what and where she was. Sir Oliver
Lodge should be a police desk ser
yeant. He would get by like a fish
in water. Some persons cU Up to
report an automobile stolen and then
get hostile when I ask them their
name. Accuse vme of. flirting,, even.
Can you imaginVthat?
"I don't know who the worst pests
are, the kids who play ball in the
streets or the men that come in here
to tell me about it.
"I have a sneaking, unofficial feel
ing for those kids.
"I sure don't mind doing all I can
to. help anyone, but when some folks
expect me to know their brindle cow
by name, that s a dirterent kind ot
apple pie." ' r
And Ferris had to close his flow of
oratory because the emergency fleet
had brought two folks in for creat
ing a disturbance on Wast Lake
streey
Detective Unable to Locate Rose Thief in
. Big Hotel Despite Fragrance of His Loot
"Pagft Pan and fiis flower
fairies! "
"Also gage the house detec
tive." J. H. Stafford, assistant man
ager of Hotel Ftintenelle, banged
his fist on his glass topped desk.
"That thief has got to be
caught," he announced with con
viction, "or hell put us out of
business." - J
"Wh-what thief," inquired a by
stander, "Why,v the rose thief, of course.
The bystander looked about hur
riedly for assistance. Lunatics
were not in his line.
"Wh-what do yu mean rose
thief?" Tie gasped.
"I. mean thet man or woman
who has been 'taking our $20-a-dozen
roses. We keep 'em In a
vase at the desk in the lobby. Get
a dozen new ones every day, and
by night they're all gone.
"Worst part about it is we can't
get a trace of the - thief can't
even get a spent of him or her."
"Ought -to be an easy scent to
get. Roses are fragrant," ven
tured the bystander.
"But the house detective's got
a cold," wailed Mr. Stafford. "He
can't get the scent of fried onions,
much less roses."
August The Hero
' " - x 7
Thrills Noble Hero Giants Killed
Prisoners in Dark Caves,
Swords, Guns, Bears, $43,000,300
of Treasure. Happy Ending,
' Hero Delivered and Married to a
King's Daughter.
A Novc in Five Chapters.
By JASET beeves.,
: (Ml. Janet Reeve Is 10 yean old
and tba daughter of Mr, and . Mrs.
Bert Reevea, 1815 Wirt street. The
' Bumble Bee has exclusive rights to
the publication of "Augast the Hero."
Janet nave them to us; It probably '
will not be Issued lu 1 book form.
We'll back Janet, any day, with her
novel against Daisy Ashford and
"The Strang Visitors')
' y ' August the Hero I.
Once upon a time longong ago,
here lived a family of a mother,
. fatheri and two sons. ,
One of the son's name was Har-
bag, you want I will said the rabt
jbit and he startedoff.
August the Hero II.
Harold's father ,and mother weep
bitterly, and August t'yed to stop
them from crying but the father.
stop in a minute ana said 1 want
August to go to the woods and
gather wood but the mother would
not let, him but August went out-
"'V,
old and the other, one; August. Har
old was the elder of the two.
Harold was 12 years, old and Au-
gust 2 years old. Harold's father
sent Harold out to gather wood for
" him and as soon as he got in the
' woods he -saw a rabbit and the rab
bit said I am here to tell you the
is a Giant in the woods today and
"ivafter boys like you.
Harold smiled and said I am not
' afraid and in a -moment there a
, Giant and he had three heads.
. .The Giant saw Harold and the
rabbit he said shoo shoo and the
rabbit ran up the tree, the Giant
seized Harold and dragged him buy
his shirt and the rabbit ran up to
, Harold. Harbld had 300 Dollars in
his pocket be droped them and told
the rabbit if he'd, take this to 'his
Mother 4 will give you all the cab-
side in a moment, and he saw a rab
bit. . - .
Antf the rabbit said. Don't trill
me August. How do you know my
name said August. . The rabbit said,
you remember your brother he told
me to give this $300.00 Dollars to
you.
And if you will spear my live I
will tell you who kidnapped him.
August " said, I will not kill you I
have caught many rabbits but I did
not kill them., I toke them home
and fed them. - '
Then I will tell you he . 200
miles from here, yotfr brother is in
a dark dark cave a little ways from
where the Giant lives.
The Giant has threes heads his
tame ts Thunderbore.
August The Hero III.
August then said I am old enough
to save my brother, I am 18 years.
vu. .
His father had a gun and a sword
that were once is lathers, He had
them put a way in a underground
safe.
.August knew where they wercso
he got them and got a old horse
named Teddy the old horse belong
to August's Grandfather, he had bad
them when he went to war. August
thought that he would take them so
he did and he Rot The .Horse and
parted, off. he had just gone a lit
tle ways when he saw a bear Au-
-J
gust got his gun ready too shoot
but the bear said don't ihoot me 1
will help you so August put his gun
back and he told the bar where he 1
was going and the bear Said, I will
,?et your brother while you kill the
Giant and after I have gotten your
brother, I will help you so the two
started of
v August the Hero VIf
They traveled three days with out
resting and they soon came to the
cave where the Giant lived so then
August made him self as a prince,
the bear as a tamed bear and he
wanted to sale him. August knocked
at - the door and theh Giant came
and said what do you want. August
said do you want to buy this bear
he will kill your prisoners for you
so the Giant said I will buy him
if he will feed the prisoners the
bear said . I will 'do it for you, I
worked for you brother
Blunderbore and I will do it'for
you if you want me to I will gard
your prisoners so the Giant said I
will let you help my keys too the
cave of the prisoners and to the one
i live in i win give you possessions
over the cave I am to-go. away to
morrow to the cave of my brother
Tourbore now I will feel pervicle
safe to let the cave go with the bear
and I will send you bear.
August the Hero V.
August said I want 43,000,000.00
Dollars for him so the Giant said
I will buy him so then August
stayed all night at the, Giants and
after the Giant had, gone to sleep.
August got up and killed him and
the next morning August and the
bear and the prisoners went home
and August killed Thunderbores
brothers and killed many other
Giants and he saved a King Daugh
ter and - August married her and
they lived Happie ever after.
Oh boy! '
Did you see it?
Capt. J. H. Comfort,-U. S. N., na
val inspector in this district, led it.
His wife wouldn't tolerate it at
home. '
Pedestrians and passengers on
Farnam street cars one morning
saw it. -
Prominent men on their way to
"woik" in limousines et alia stopped
their cars to cast ominous glances
at.it.
v.hildren on their way to Farnam
school laughed at it. ,
i Was Ashamed of It
The dog catcher missed it.
Policeman Charley Dykes almost
stepoed on it. '
Lieutenant Commander Mellinger
U. S. N. was ashamed of it
Lieutenant Commander Lowder,
in charge of . the local navy recruit
ing station, took final possession of
it. '
"It" was a long, waggly, bleary-
eyed, sore-footed brass-collared and
benign Dachshund.
He Called It "Hun."
It took up Captain Comfort's foot
steps at Thirtieth and Farnam
Quiet Poker Party;
See What Happened; .
'Chance for Sweetie
There was a poker party in an
Omaha home last night. ' It was a
stag affair and "very quiet." Friend
Wife was away on a visit:
'Late last night there leaked out
the secret of the contents of those
mysterious, rather bulky packages
the guests carried to the affair with
them. Each package, it was ex
plained, contained from XS0 to' 1Q0
pounds of sugar. "When-the game
started chips vCre issued to the
play.ers on the basis 7f one for each
pound of sugar-aced in the hands
of the "banker."
Two of "those present" wercsaid
to have stepped into the ranks of
sugar hoarders as a result of the
evening's festivities. One of them is
streets and tollowed them to tna .Tr. : " t ;.i u uL
captain's office in the Elks' building,
fifteenth and Harney streets.
The German terrier almost missed"
the captain's office in an effort to
escape to the Elk club rooms.
"I called it 'Hun' and it followed
me," Captain Comfort chuckled.
"Every one along the way apparent
ly thought the critter had escaped
from Ringling Bros.' or from Gould
Deitz's" farm. '
Bound for Germany. '
"It had a pedigree somewhere be
tween a Skye terrior and a tadpole,"
he said. .
"Hun" made itself too much at
home about Captain Comfort's desk,
and quicker than he could call, for
an orderly he "sicked" it to Lieuten
ant Commander Lowder's office.
Unless the owner claims "Hun,V
the naval officer said he vould ship
it as a mascot on some Germany
bound battleship.
"Did you ever ' ' hear such an abject
apology in your life?"
"The salesman realizes that he was
fault."
"How so?"
"He tried to sell a bricklayer the kind
of shirts clerks, bookkeepers, editors and
college professors wear," tinmingnam
Age-Herald. I ,
a sweet, sweet, sweetie for fair,
one player commented. ..
J. Dean Should Sent It
To School Next Year;
It'll Be 5 Years Old
J. Dean Ringer, police commis
sioner, is wearing the same soft felt
hat the fourth season.
"It is just as easy as eating pump
kin pie," 4ie asserted whert quizzed
regarding the longevity of his "lid."
, "I "only wear it when necessary,
and thus I increase its life.
"I never wear my hat in my office,
at home or at church; only when
outdoors," he explained.
"My hat is beginning to yield un
der the ravages of time, as any hat
will, but ,it is still a good hat; and I
know of no reason wny l snoum
buy another hat while the one I
have will serve me.
Oh. yes, some day I. will buy a
new hat.
"I don't expect to wear this hat
forever." . ' '
"I've come over to tell you some
thing," exclaimed Mr, What's-Her-Name,
when she sauntered over to
the Lefnngwell homestead from
which pungent evidence of corn beef
and cabbage engaged the atmos
phere and aroused the imagination
of the innocent bystander. Mrs. Lef-
hrigwell was sitting on her kitchen
porch, drying her brown tresses in
the glow of the springtime sunshine
A pair of robbins was tripping o'er
the lawn, in their eternal quest fbr
food. An iceman was following his
itinerary and a mail carrier was
functioning normally. This ensem
ble of Effort and service was part of
tne scene in which these wonlen be
gan their colloquy.
"Have you heard what happened
to Mrs. so-And-sor the. caller be
gan, by the wav of introdncino- that
which was on hei' mind and which
needed the air. "She returned home
yesterday afternoon and discovered
that she had locked herself out. She
sat on her front porch settee and
sutiered in silence while the neigh
bors looked at her through their
lorgnettes and smoked glasses. She
wore her new hat, too, and she told
me she was slad of that, because
f-she had. heatd that Mrs. Fullface
had told .Mrs. Shortneck that her
new hat was a sight and it made her
look like a smalltown vamp. She
cried because she thought that her
husband would become irresponsi
ble when he came home and fiund
her waiting - on the porch. She
feared he might slap her or kick the
door." .
Fears Husband's Return.
Well, what happened when Mr.
So-And-Sp returned to his home and
found his wife in such a plight?"
asked Mrs. Leffingwell, growing un
easy lest Henry Leffingwell should
return to his fireside before the visi
tor had concluded her impartation of
inside information.
I was just coming to thnt, the
message bearer replied. "When Mr.
So-and-So met his wife on the
porch he kissed her and said he was
sorry that she wasiin distress' and
he offered to help her prepare the
evening meal. . I wish my man was
like that. I am beginning to think
that he is growing blase or cynical,
or maybe he needs some new teeth.
This morning when he couldn't find
his comb he said it was my fault
and declared that I was hiding it
from him."
And what did you say -to him
then?" Mrs. Leffingwell asked, with
years of husband-training experience
to rely on. s
1 told hint. that I was sorry and
that I would find the comb," the
caller replied. - r
" Ihere is where you made the
mistake; you should have cracked
the whip right then and there, and
then hubby would have responded
just like any oth?r domestic animal
when properly trained," Mrs.
Leffingwell rejoined. "Of course, if
Vou wish to let him be the boss, that
is your affair; but in our house
Henry knows just how far I will let
him go. There comes my Henry,
now.'
Borrows a Potato.
"Well goodby, Mrs. Leffingwell
the next time I coriie over I will re
turn that potato I borrowed," the
neighbor concluded. '"" .
"Say it with sugarT exclaimed
Henry Leffingwell, floor leader of
the Leffingwell dormitory, returning'
home to greet his family with ' a
pound of saccharine product, which
he placed on the kitchen table with
an air which indicated that he ex
pected a vote of confidence.
"We have been waiting for you to
return home and deliver the keynote
address fef the day," said Mrs. Lef-
fingweU, as she and the little Lenin g
wells cast furtive glances toward the
pound of sugar.
"This is-not the time for facetious
iicss," Leffingwell asserted, with the
air of one who had only a few min
ifies' of respite. "I could give you
a keynote speeob. but I will oofXU
so; I will just tell ypu what, was on
my mind this evening as I walked
home and "pondered oyer the im
ponderables." . i I .
"Step on it, pa,' step on it," in
terposed . Willie, impertinently and
coyly. ' . - ,' '
Aud if we are looking' for faults
and flaws we will surely find them,
but we should remember that (There
is ever a song somewhere,' and that
'Behind the clouds is the sun still
shining,"' Henry continued.
"Well. Henrv Leffinffw.!!."
wife rebutted, "seeing that you are
so kindly disposed this evening,, and
that you- are of an investigative
turn of mind, I would suggest that
you go out into the yard nd find
ome work for willing, hands' to do.
I he lawn needs raking and there are
other chores if you will only, look
for them. Remember, Henry, that
we can find whatever we are look
ing for if we look in the right direc
tion." -
And then Mary began to sing:
"Fer away, fer away. Round fief
neck she wears a yellow ribbon.
She wears it in the winter and sum
mer, so they say," and the rest o it
Making Himself Fit.
When the train stopped at a little
station in the south a tourist from
the north emerged and crazed eurl-
ously at a lean animal rubbing itself
agalnstsa scrub oak. "What do you
call that!" he asked a native.
"Razor-back hawgv suh."
"Whabs he rubbing himself against
the tree for?"
"He's etroppln' hlsself, ear, jes
stroppin' hisself." Everybody's Mag
azine.
A iilt,Siaai nnlfA.M m Vta.
nsn capinet minister is said to ec..
from $1,200 to $1,500.
9 '
e "
1
i
I Extract Teeth
t .
i
Without Pain
M
i
s ,
There is a wonderful feeling of satisfac
tion in knowing that not only will you suf
fer no pain, but you will never have fur
ther trouble with your bridge or plate.
My Workh Guaranteed
I do not entrust any of my work to as
, sistants. I do it all myself and I am par-,
sonally responsible. '" 1 , '
Every Piece of Work Leaving This Office Is Ready
for Inspection by Any States Dental Board
Out of Town Patients Can Have
Work Completed in One Day.
Dr. W.F.CROOK
406 Neville Block, OMAHA
16th Street Entrance at Harney
Office Hours: '8:30 to 6; Sundays, 9 to 1. -
Tyler 5117
(7
rwr
nj-Qi Phone Douglas 2793.
L OMAHAmfe, I
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III
ANTI-FAT
Art thou stout and getting stouter?
Stop repining cease to moan; i
Hie thee to the nearest drug store ,
Ask for "Tablets Arbolone."
II.
Arbolone will stop that craving,
Make thee normal that's well
- known.
Thou'lt forget that hungry feeling -After
taking Arbolone.
III.
And the pounds away will dwindle
Waist no longer like a zone;
Thoutft be thankful to the maker
Oi those Tablets Arbolone.
Note. This little poem was writ
ten by a literary woman of Los An
geles, Calif., as a testimonial to
Tablets Arbolone. It so aptly and
truthfully describes the virtues of
this well-known anti-fat that the
proprietors use it for advertising.
Facts and gratitude are both ex-'
pressed wija admirable rhythm and
metre.
'MJ
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quest CUflBERUNDCHtMICAlCO.
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Chifforette .: $55.00 '
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Dressing Table, complete with triple mirror, $49.50 ;.
Hf I 1
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Three-Piece, Overstuffed Llvina Room Suite Genuine spring con
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3-Piece Cane and
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Upholstered In figured ta,p
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only PlafiitJ
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Genuine leather seat
chairs aa low aa
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CB91 fWNlTuRE mcCT
CORNER 149 AND DODGE STREETS
Opposite JU. P. Headquarters. OMAHA, t
K III
ll.