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About Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922 | View Entire Issue (April 4, 1920)
Easter includes a few yards of things other than the hard-boiled essr. It is that season when one is given a chance to grab a line on 'what the ladies think in relation to "skull pans," anyway. Having: accumulated a set of bunions on his mitts from diving into his cash pockets every time a holiday flops up, the old man will have to walk around with his hands full of empty pockets during the Easter parade. We cannot blame a hen from calling a rabbit an impostor; it's like the rooster who after, discover ing a n,est full of highly colored Easter eggs went over and beat up a neighboring peacock, which indi cates no ambush is a success with out the elements of surprise. Easter is the sign of spring, which is a hobby with the most of us, but nobody wants to take the hobby horse and exchange it for something sensible; they all think a hobby is something useful. Lamp Big Store .Windows. . Every Easter we see the fair sex who are figuring on purchasing a new Easter outfit lamping the big store windows like a cat lamps a mouse only with the bpposite effect; you never heard of a mouse Wreck ing a cat. They will figure on a hat that will cover a multitude of sins; the min ute they are inside the hat garage they start an argument. Both cus tomer and clerk buzz for two hours straight without saying the same thing twice or anything once, then the customer puts her old bonnet on the operating table. The clerk measures off the size of the old lid from the outside, the cus tomer parks herself in front of a trick mirror, the clerk derricks on a new bonnet, if it casts a shadow she figures she is over-dressed, if it don't, she gives the clerk her hub byjs name and address. Faithful Greet Each Other. The Easter idea originated many income blanks ago, the faithful greeted each other with the kiss of peace and the salutation, "Christ is risen" to, which the response was "He is" risen, indeed." That was before the . corckscrew became an ornament. . . ,, Though it is not certain that eggs were used in the spring festivals among the people of those times, it is possible that here, as in other cases, they adopted the egg plant, which at that time was the playmate of the coconut 1 Grave and rhythmical dances wete performed at Auxerre followed by a game of ball - played by the bishops, canons and other dignitar ies. Blizzard of Words. Now ' the faithful greet each other with a shrill blizzard of words in rapid succession; friend wife dust off hubby's skulhnvith a fiat iron, followed by a bouquet of fingers to the face, each going over so fast it sounds like a cash register working .overtime and the saluta tion, "where have you been?" Hubby's knees fold up like a Chinese fan to which the response is, "in the basement." A fellow doesn't have to be a crockery expert to recognize a family jar when she sees one. All of this and more, too, is cata logued under Easter Sunday. ,We could tell you more if it was not for that old saying, "the sins of the writer shall fee visited upon the reader." . KLS IH H BY A, STINOBlL W f Q WHO MAKES THESE SPELLING RULES AIIY17AY? This Young Man "Rolls His Own" In Profound Argument for Cul-x , ture Against "Illetercy." Lays Great "Strece' on "Publick Liberies." What Happened to Young Men at "Harvdrd.". . We certainly agree with the youth who wrote the following essay that "more time should be devoted to the study of English in the secondary schools." The "essay" is copied verbatim. The author of it is a student in an Omaha institution of learning higher than the high school. More we will not, divulge.. . x. .. , . . Look out below! Here is the learned dissertation just as the youth wrote it: Subject: "More time should be - devoted to the study of English in the secondary schools." By English we mean the allied f subjects, Grammer, Retoric, Composition and Litture. The existing conditions of to day require more time to be., spent on English. Most bussi- . ness houses have some corre spondence. The larger (hey are trip frmr thpv will tiav P business ever so small it, will receive letters. Intelligent and digineffied advertising is very essentional fo a bussiness sucess. "Unsatissfactory Stenogafers." Bussiness men of today com plain that the high school grad- ' uates are unsatissfactory for stenogafers. They are defficent in spelling, puncutation and penmanship They can not write clear direct and forseful letters. They also make many blunders in speach. Some Are "Skepical." The sucess of a proffessionai man depends a lot upon hit cul ture. The publick has become more critical and they are more skepical of the worth of the un cultured. The colleges have increased their demands in composition and retoric students who wish to enter must posece a good knowledge of the principals of retorical structure. Had Faulty "Punctation." . They must also be able to ap ply Retorical principals in com position. Several young men were not alowed -to enter Har vord because of fautly puncta tion. The colleges are demanding more litterature work. The present college . exmanation board has added a knowledge of authors. Some , people argue that the colleges have no right to dicitate in this matter, is not to the point. Because College En terance Boards are composed of high school teachers as well as college proffesors. "Langague" and "Litture." The large and growing for eign . population makes a sim ular demand. These foreigners must be taught out langague and our litture. Otherwise our free instutions will suffer. The influance of a large illerate pop ulation is to lower the stand ards of Native Americans. Develops the "Immignation." English work developes the immignation for literature is a product of immignation. It also brings us in touch with lots that is beyound our experiences. It exicutes a strong moral influ ance. No "Vailed" Objection. No vailed objection to the addition of time to be spent on English has been offered. It has been shown the conditions ex isting in bussiness and in a prof fessionai and social life demand a better English education. People who axe cultured and refined do not wish to be dased with the illeterit. Cultured so cial corsponance is nessary. The general average of cul ture is advanceing. "Scittistics" Prove It There is also a growing de-. mand for the publick liberies". The decrease in illetercy among native born Americans as shown by government scittis tics prove it. College standards as expressed in enterance requirements de mand better English training. They lay great strece on it. The college Enterence Exmanation Board always makes it a part df the exmanation. - Even Chinamen Are Human. (Poem on tha Death -of His Wife by Wutl Wl Lived 187-S7 B. C.) The wrand of her silk nkirt ha stopped. On the marble pavement dost rrowB. Her empty room In rold and still. Fallen leaves are plied against the doora. Iona-lns; for that lovely lady How can I brine my aching heart to rest? GETTING INFORMATION. (Oerlnff Courier.) I asked the pastry cook at the Gearing -why cranberry pie was always made, with criss-cross tops ard he told me it' was to hold the berries in. A fellow never gets information unless he seeks it. GRIM REAPER. rolk Progress.) Who will you have for Vil lage trustees to fill the places of those who expire in April. Time " to get busy and hold a caucus.' DIDN'T LIKE BEANS. (Kearney Democrat.) NOTICE This is to inform the public that my wife, nee Estella Landis, has deserted me, and that I will not be liable for any bills she may contract. . ' Signed GUY A. BEANS. THE DILEMMA. What should a man do who loves whipped cream, puffs and at the same time wears a moustache? One or the other MUST BE .sacrificed. Derbies Must Have Been Shuffled On Top Of W.O. W. Building Far up above Farnam street, a brand new spring derby hat was soaring faster than the H. C. of L while a disconsolate bald-headed man stood staring at the top of the Woodman of the World building, one -hand clutched vainly in the air. The wind itself was blowing by at J the rate of SO miles an hour and that futile grasp only missed its mark by seven stories. The derby went up. Then it went up some more. At last it vanished jover the roof. The bald-headed, very angry man set off hopelessly.. An excited citi zen came smashing into him at top speed at the corner. The bald headed nlan reversed, stopped, and backed up. The excited citizen waved a derby under his nose. : "Here's your hat old man," he Spends Pleasant Time (Timlin Pftm vl itutuiig win itviitvig At Passing Pedestrians How the Omaha Grain exchange controls the corn market has been disclosed. -. . A young Omaha man -and his wife were passing the exchange building along Harney street be tween Nineteenth and Twentieth Wednesday evening. Reports in the papers of the corn market that zr iiffletci that "up to r.oon. no i l l .-t J n corn nau uccu sum, Unquestionably the market was flooded that atternoon. Some unseen habitue of the ex change concealed his carcass be hind window sashes, or something, and passed his time decreasing the corn sopply by hurling kernels with unerring aim at passing pedestrains. And it wasn't April First, either. New York Firm Will ; Be Trying to Get This Window Artist A Sixteenth street store window, furnished as an uprto-date living room, was all too inviting to the su perconsciou feet of a young wom an wearing heel strap rubbers the other day. The charmed setting of the living room seemed to repel the very thought of muddy feet and the sub conscious mind, paying very little heed to the superconscious feet, be gan to work. The rubbers were kicked off and pushed back againi" the window front while the vaunt woman kept on gazing. Then she moved on with the crowd. "Why I've lost my rubbers." she said to the friend who accompanied hec as they were about to cross a street a block from the window dis play. They began retracing their steps expecting to find the footwear in the mud of a side street. "Now, who do you suppose put my rubbers there?" she asked of her friend when she caught sight of them as she hurried by. Platform of Court Bailiff for Police judge Like Utopia Joe Marrow, bailiff in District Judge Troup's court, has filed for nomination to the office of police judge.- And here is his platform, as handed to the newspapers: . - "I stand for: " "The extreme limit of fine or im prisonment to automobile speeders. This Barney Oldfielding about the city must stop. ' Also the limit for. automobile drivers who entice young girls for a joy-ride. "Notice, I. W. W. Bolsheviki; Work, go to jail or leave town. Idle ness is unpardonable in Omahal "The rights of everyone to a fair and impartial hearing black, white, rich or poor. "Help the police force to enforce law and order. "Don't knock the Best City in the West. "JOS. W. MARROW, "For Police Judge, "Republican Primary." "Here's Your Hat, Dear What's Your Hurry)" Says Fair , Pedagogue .J H. Beveridge, superintendent of public schools, avers that it is within his knowledge and belief that some of the teachers have beaux and he looks upon this year with misgivings on account of it's leap year associations. He knows of one teacher in par ticular who 'has an affair of the heart and who seems to know how to handle the situation with tact and discrimination. This teacher sets apart one evening of the week when she is at home for the young man who is getting alonjr quite well in the school of love. This fair peda gogue, however, has a fine regard for the flight of time,: and for the tendency of her admirer to extend his .call beyond what she considers a decorous hour. When he called last week and re mained after the 10th hour of the evening, she gave him several hints which did not have the desired ef fect She then brought the visit to an abrupt ending by taking his hat in her hand and placing it on his head with several deft touches to give it the correct tilt. "I've got two hours yet for study," she purred, as he stealthily stole out into the night. According to Superintendent Beveridge, the" young man eompre-yj- hended the full force, of the young woman's actions. Patience So she married an actor? Patrice Tea. ahe did. "Well yes: ha acted aa it ha loved her." Tonkara 8 la turn gasped. "I caught it just as it dropped over the building. And off he rushed. Behind him the bald-headed man walked angrily. "Hey you, this ain't my hat," he cried, "who'd you give mine to?" Ushers Spoil Music - It happened at St. Barnabas Episcopal church Passion Sunday. ' Bishop E. V. Shayler was con firming a class of 30 and the church was crowded. . The choir has been practicing dili gently on .a particularly difficult number it was intended to sing while the offering was being taken. But the ushers who collected the offering missed their cue. They be gan the collection while a hymn was in progress. So the choir didn't get to sing the number on which it had struggled so hard. But it is admitted the ushers were a marked success in safeguarding the finances of the church. .. ; The Omaha Sunday Bee OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, APRIL 4, 1920. For Crook Soldiers Prefer Daily ; Smile To Wartime Ravings The following poem, entitled, "Our Side of It," emanates from the mem- fbers of the 20th infantry, stationed at Fort Crook. It defends the wearers of the uniforms in peace time, requesting daily courtesies, in lieu of wild cheers in wartime and intolerance now. We're not ashamed of the uniform, and If you are a friend You'll have no word against It, any word that will offend. It has covered honored bodies and by heroes has been worn Since the day of our republic, when the Stars and Stripes were born. Uniforms havo many patterns: some are khaki, some are blue; And the men who choose to wear them are of many patterns, too. Some are sons of wealthy parents, some are college graduates; Some have many vlrtuea and somo are simply reprobates. We have many skilled mechanics, men of letters who Loyally serve the country they have a credit to. No, Indeed, tbey are not all angels: black guards, we have some of those, But when they joined the service they all wore civilian clothes. Many men wben they are drinking misbe have, get rough and swear. Drinking soldiers, or civilians, are disgust ing anywhere. Grant us, then, forbearance: we'll appre ciate It more Than a lot of noise and cheering when we're starting off to war. We have sat with you In publio and have smelled your whisky breath; Heard remarks both sane and silly, nearly boring us to death. Though we've offered no objections when in public we have met, Tet you think you should exclude us from your exclusive set. If we met you out In public, on the streets, or any place, or where, We don't merit sneering glances, nor a patronizing stare; For we have an honored calling, as our garments plainly show; You may be a thief or parson; how on earth are we to know? I don't know what's your profession, occu pation what you do. When you're looking at a soldier and he s looking back at you. Who Is there to judge the difference be tween us, man to man? Only one The Great Almighty name an other if you can. Drop your proud and haughty bearing and your egotistic pride; Get acquainted with the soldiers and the heart and soul Inside; Teat and try to analyze him, criticise him through and through, And you'll likely find him Just as good a man as you. Only Four Aces, So ' Keegan Figures He's .. Rather Out of Luck "South Omaha's Four Aces. , "Hitchcock, for president. "Hopkins, for congress. "Tanner, for state senator. ''Lovely, for police judge." The above is a facsimile of a cloth sign on the rear of the automobile of "Rick" Lindsey, South Side poli tician. When Frank Keegan, a candidate for the democratic nomination for police magistrate, who resides on the South Side, saw the sign on Lindsay's automobile the other day he asked him why his name was not on the sign and Lindsey replied: - "Don't , you know that there are rnly four aces in the deck, but 1 might put you on as the joker." Hasher Squawks at System To Stop'His Pinchin' Dough . . , Down-and-Outer Bewails Numbers and vChecks and Cash Registers and Things Recalls Halcyon Days When Snipin' on the Boss Was Legitimate and Easy Why, Everybody Did It. A confirmed "hasher," otherwise known as a waiter, sat idly on a stool in a downtown restaurant the other night. , He was considerably "down and out" and he lamented the passing of the days of petty graft in the one-arm chair restau rants and "serve-yourself joints," as he called them. He was of the old school. He's a "wobbly", now. "I've worked in all of 'em from coast to coast," he said with a sigh. "There ain't a chance for a good hasher to cop any dough any more. The owners is wise these days. They've got you numbered and checked and cash-registered until there ain't a show for a square guy outside the wages he gets, and they won't buy no furs for the wife. "And the tips is meager, I say meager in these serve-self beaner ies. If you cop a berry you got to get it from the boss. Efficiency is what has made the life of the old hasher sad. Gawd, how I hate that word. Beat Cashier System. "In the old halcyon days a cove could pull down eight and 10 berries a day, and nobody injured, but it's different now. "I've worked in Childs' and Thompson's and all of 'em very where. Thompson used to have a place in Atlanta that was good for eight or 10 a day, but it ain't no more. I've quit. "We used to even beat the cash ier system. We'd size up a bird who wouldn't squeal and when he'd come in and leap into 50 or 60 cents worth of food, we'd only punch his check for 10 or IS. We'd learn what he did for a livin' and at the end of the month or so we'd 'round to his store and get a new tair shoes, or a tie or something else arid he'd understand. You'd be surprised at the guys that would do that. Depends On Clothes. "Before they had the places clut tered up with cash registers, we'd handle all the money over the coun ter and that made it passin' soft, you know. These chain joints always have a manager, and when you sea one of- these managers prowlin' round the place in an apron and coat, he's graftin' the same as the rest, but when he wears ordinary civilian clothes he's pure, and wouldn't graft ai nickel. "When these anti-graftin manag ers would stand at the end of the counter and watch us, we'd beat 'em anyway. I used to slip the nickels and dimes off the counter into the beef stew so fast they never could see vat 1 - "Later I'd take the beef stew pot out in the kitchen and rake out the; coins. .We always split with the cooks. It was part of the ethics or somtthin', you know. A cook ought to have a chance. Efficiency Done It." "In the old tiays when they'd leavi these chain joints in charge of a common bunch of hashers at night, they thought they had a swell sys tem. They'd check everything up give us . so many dollars worth of coffee, so much milk, so many baked apples, so much beans and so forth, "The idea was the dough in the register ought to correspond with the food left when the manage! cashed up the next morning. Well, to beat that, we simply watered the coffee and the milk, cut the apples s in two and less beans and beat 'em cold all along the line. It was sim ple.' "We used to could beat 'em, but as the feller says, the business is decadent and the pa'my days is gone along with grafting in most other lines. Efficiency has done it to us. Hunsaker Has Awful Time Getting; Into His New Brass-Button Coat If Policeman H. L. Hunsaker, di minutive officer, waits much longer for a brass-buttoned o'coat that he ordered shortly after the riot he'll have to.pay storage on the material anyway, his friends in need about the police station declare. Though smaller in stature than a Lilliputian, Hunsaker spent from noon until sundown t'other day try ing on an o'coat tailored for him out of from one to three yards of union-spun blue. He shoved an arm through one sleeve, crouched, be came double-jointed, relaxed some, and threw the other arm almost out of joint in the struggle. Just as the 5 o'clock whistle beckoned all work ing cuckoos from labor he accom plished his purpose. The coat fit him like paint on a barber pole. Out of respect for himself he wouldn't bend over nor would he try to take a longer step than a foot and a half. By means of a pair of shears he gained freedom from the coat, he says. "Gimme another one, 'bout six sizes larger all the way 'round," he ordered. Hunsaker is still waiting. "What kind of woman Is Mrs. Gad spur?" "Essentially artistic." "How's ttait?" "The family fly swatter Is adorned with a bow of pink ribbon." Birmingham Age-Uerald. What License Have We to Talk About Barbarisms? We "civilized" (?) people, who pride ourselves in our humanitarian ideals and at the same time wedge our feet into pointed toe shoes and walk on high heels, ignoring nature's definite laws what license have we to pass judgment on the barbarities of "uncivilized" people?" The health, comfort and physical perfection of every man, woman and child demands shoes that fit the feet as nature grew them. Ground Grippers are such shoes. They are not merely broad-toe shoes. They are scientifically designed the natural shape of the foot. They assist you in walking correctly. They overcome arch falling. They give the body its natural efficient poise. . For Men, Women and Children. Figure (1) shows how the foot looks when wedged into a narrow toe shoe. Figure (2) shows how the foot takes its nat ural ' position in a Ground Gripper shoe. Ground Gripper Shoes 1414 Farnam Street Sun Theater Building V Cm i lit i it a t H. B. WATERBURY, Mgr. 5Vs M rt "A place for every toe; Every toe in its place." The Only "Ground Gripper Store" in OmahaAccept No Imitations PS Fistula Pay When Cured A mild system of treatment that cures Piles Fistula and other Rectal Diseases in a short time, without a savers surgical operation. No Chloro form. Ether or other treneral anesthetic used. A cure guaranteed in every ease accepte for treatment, and no money to be paid until cured. Write for book on Rectal Diseases, with names and testimonals of mora thsn 1,000 pnwinent people who have been permanently cured. File I OR. E. It. TARRY 243 Building OMAHA, NEBRASKA r sU1 i has so many mysteries to show you mystic totem poles, gor geous, impatient Alpine flowers that push up through the snow if it melts too slowly, huge, iridescent glaciers, gold mining, heroic sculpture in rock and ice that nature has provided 1 00 Daylight Saving -The Midnight Sun The trip is a joy and a tonic. Five days northward from Vancouver 1,000 swift miles on smooth, island-guarded salt water five days each way of delightful life on one of the palatial Canadian Pacific Steamers while watching the finest travelogue in living colors. Canadian Pacific Ticket Office . Thos. J. Wall, Gen'l Agt. Pasgr. Dept. 140 'So. Clark Street, Chicago, HI. So aoiy to Hack lAa?i At Canewan Padic Roci. 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