The Omaha Sunday Beb
OMAHA. SUNDAY MORNING, MARCH 21, 1920.
Ujr Wireles IVee-fie Roard 1'rtiu.)
Tlie galloping flatiron on the
ouija hoard spells out the startling
gossip that it is 1 920. and an epi
'demic of perennial mythology is
approaching. (
We could dig up tnc same chron
nological information from a calen
dar, ' but inhaling your parennial
news from a ouija board gives it
the added tinge of mystery and r6
mance so much sought by our lead
ing candidates; in addition it is
more authentic than spiritualism.
Bill Still Hopeful.
The primary blight brings out our
candidates like frost out of the
ground. Off in the grape-juice
mirage we can see Bill Bryan flirt
ing with the presidential bug. Bill
has been a prexy candidate' a num
ber of times, three times hath Bill
vamped the democratic party, and
three times hath Bill been cast upon
the shores by the republican waves.
Bill, is noy Marking that he-is a
contestant at large to the demo
cratic convention.
When Columbus discovered this
dry land of the' free,
on a country where
almost as unknown
Commandments are
But things have
, he horned in
suffrage was
as the Ten
now.
changed since
Susan B. Anthony took her tooth
brush and lip stick right out on the
suffrage platform. She swatted the
grateful political parties with her
guest rolling-pin, then the politicians
adopted suffrage. The great white
father at Washington, said "Women
came from the rib of man and
should havethe same right."' Susie
wound up by demanding a recount
of the kisses given by the shriller
sex as bribes for a vote.
The picture , in the upper left
hand direction of the above illustra
tion is Lowe C. O'Li' in, son of old
H. C, veteran check book and purse
cracker. He announces his candi
dacy on the repulocrat ticket and is
a nonresident of Omaha.
In the sun splashed space bounded
on one side by type and on the
other side by Bryan, is another can
didate with the turmoil in his brain
distilled into a tranquil peace which
the outdoor world inspired.
Fond Memories Recalled.
While other candidates were hurd
ling down the street laying down
a barrage of assorted cigars and
cards to the amalgamated league of
walking pedestrians, a pint of good
old Scotch was upheld as a dangling
incentive for sustaining 4he initial
vote for his victims.
With his fine technique the dele
gate seeks the range of his popu
larity with a preliminary shot of that
diplomatic language coiunfonly re
served for the unknown game in the
restricted preserves, where a wrong
guess sometimes involves Jhe sub
stance, of the menacing shadows of
prison walls. .
Picking your candidates at the
polls from a long list of names on
three yards of pink paper is an in
teresting pastime. The names and'
little squares are all laid out like a
golf course. You grab a small pen
cil and hop from one square to an
other just like a monkey in a cocoa
nut orchard, making X after your
candidate's name which brands him
for victory or defeat. You then
fold up the little paper, put it in a
barrel with the rest of its play
mates, and the job is completed.
We will soon be reading, "returns
from the outlying smoking district
are meager."
Friend Police Reporter
Covers Social Function
Recalling Vehement Instructions Regarding Libel
Suits, Scribe Alleges Many Happenings Hanging
All Authority for Misstatements On His Old
Standby "Police."
Friend police reporter who gains
more insight into personal matters
of others than a candidate for dele
gate to a woman's neighborhood
convention, was detailed to cover a
party given at the home of Mrs.
Jay Umpty Unip in honor of Miss
Hairy Chin t'other night. Following
is the reporter's version of the fair
or affair:
Miss Hairy Chin of Slow Junc
tion, Nov., was honor guest at a
party given last Saturday night at
the home of Mrs. Jay Umpty Ump.
Neighborhood friends were pres
ent, it is alleged. Mrs. Al Naefer
tus, living next door to the Ump
home, was barred, police say.
. Nothing was missed after the
guests had deported, Mrs. Ump said.
No dogs were allowed and Airs.
Ump reported the affair a grand
success.
After the Alleged
' Police 'were not called as Mrs.
Naefercus went to bed before the
music started. '
Two husbands were missing' tor
two hours, it is said. Their wives
paid no attention to the fact, Mrs.
Ump declared.
When Miss Chin was presented to
the guests for introduction, several
young husbands stumbled over tin
pans in their anxiety to meet her.
Mrs. Ump denied there .was a liquor
still in the house. After the al
leged gang fight, Miss Hairy Chin
denied that she was more' than 38
years old.
Arrested Day Before.
It is 'said that Mrs. Swartzen
berger wore her sister's dress. Po
lice reports show that her sister
was arrested for alleged shop-lifting
the day before the party.
Neighborhood gossip - indicates
that Mrs. Swartzenberger denied
that her husband. Terrence, was in
jail four days before the party.
Whe,n asked by her neighbor, Mrs.
Murphy, about Swartzcnberger's al
leged arrest, she admitted that Ter
rence was in collusion with high
jackcrs on Monday Tuesday, Satur
day and Sunday during the week.
Two detectives were on duty in
the cloak room during the party.
Clarence Doolittle and Mrs. Amy
Swan missed their overcoats.
Sun Rises Shortly.
Soon Dry, neighborhood Chinee,
visited the back door of the Ump '
home with a suitcase during the
party. The grip was leaking when
found by Mrs. Ump, detectives
say. ,
It is alleged that Mrs. Ump
warned Soon Dry about setting the
suit case down so hard hereafter.
The hostess of the party refused
to give the reporter covering the
affair a drink. Police were not
called to quell the alleged disturb
ance, however.
The sun rose shortly after the
guests had departed.
Here's One Woman Who
Does Not Rejoice Over
Franchise of Fair Sex
A woman walked out of the elec
tion commissioner's office yesterday '
morning without registering, be
cause D. A. Kerr, one of the clerks,
asked her age. '
"Is it necessary fof me to tell my
age to register? I will say I am
more than 21, but I won't tell my
age." the woman said.
"The ejection commissioner re
quires your age for the' purpose of
identification when you vote," Mr.
Kerr explained.
"Then the election commissioner
is a fool," the woman rejoined, ad
ding that she guessed there would
be no candidates file that she want
ed to vote for. Then she readjusted
her bonnet 'and swept out of the
room with an air of what appeared
to be righteous indignation.
Bouquet
of Live, Human Interest Stories About People
Back Swim of Omaha Best
Society Are Pampered Pets
Mr. and Mrs. Cyprinus Auratus Splash About in High
Favor Once More Spurn Vulgar Name of Gold
fish Bloated Plutocrats Are They. , 'V "
. Mr." and Mrs. Cypinus Auratus
are splashing about in Omaha so
ciety again in high favor, following
several years of retirement on the
outer fringes of the social swirl.
' For good and sufficient reasons
they were never entirely out of the
"swim," but it is exposing no secret
to mention that for many moons
their popularity had been on the
wane. "
The Auratuses are more com-
,monly known by the plebeian des
ignation of gold fish, but they have
assumed ' their more aristochaticr
scientific name as more in keeping
nvith drawing room activities.
They have come back with a big
splash! Instead of the common
glass bowl which in times past
served as the approved gold fish
domicile, their potrons and
patronesses are now providing them
with ornate cylindrical affairs a!jut
a foot and a half high and from six
to eight inches in diameter. These
cylinders stand on ebony and poly
chrome bases, or sometimes on spe
cial standards carved from Oriental
teakwood. The higher the stand he
higher the price and the greater air
of-aristocracy given the fish family
housed therein.
Omaha gold fish dealers say they
are having trouble supplying the
demand for bowls and finny pefs.
Society leaders, they say, are be
ginning to consider no drawing
room quite complete without its
gold fish family to display. -- ;
Many of the cyprini aurati are
imported from Japan and China,
though the family Jias been nat
uralized and specimens are now fur
nished from aquariums in this coun
try. "Fantails," with those long and
quivery tails and fins, are the most
sought for family pets.
Dealers say gold fish when very
young are dark in color and when
very old sometimes fade to a silvery
hue. Few of them tasting high life
as society pets ever reach the sil
very hue stage, though, their owners
observe. The. ways of gold fish are
peculiar and hard to understand,
they will "tell you. A pampered soid
fish, apparently healthy at 6 o'clock
may flop over lifeless by 7, they say,
with no seeming reason for its un
timely demise.
A question now being discussed
agitatedly over teacups is the un
avoidable clash of the pet cat and
gold fish fads. 'Pet cats and pet
gold fish, it is admitted, never were
meant for the same home.
Even So, Female Is Deadlier
Than Male of Human Species
.- . . .
Witness Arrival of First Balmy Breezes of Spring
Hubby Dreams of Appr6aching Summer But
Friend Wife, Ah!-, JBeware Winter Dirt,
War's Declared.
For the male ooDitlation in Oma-
, ha homes, there's a dark 'back
ground to all this warm weather
and bright sunshine with which
' Omaha has been favored so early
this year.
"Mother" has sniffed the balmy
zephyrs and hastened the perpetra
tion nf ihf annual horror of sorinsr
housecleaning, suffering masculinity
reports.
From the male standpoint, all too
-. oon have arrived the days when
..ppcnings like these are a part of
f u i i:f-
imaua ituiuc inc. w
Dazed By Impenetrable Maze.
.' Father, reaching the shelter of a
. once friendly roof, is dazed at an al
. most impenetrable maze of tables
nilc.1 I11VI1 with hrir-a-har. chairs
. swathed in sheets and a general
topsy-turvy situation in which he
finds bed the only refuge.
. If he happens to arrive late and
. enters a darkened house to follow
; his beaten path to the electric light
switch," he flops Hth a dull thud
. over a piece of furniture which has
carefully been given a ne place in
the home. (For, a a any housewife
- knows, housecleaning is never com
plete without a re-arrangement of
.furniture.)
The kitchen table becomes the
A.,A n( nil mAals n A the. moalc
ttfltVl V. ,,11 I'll t 1 ... .hi. 1 - a.aw.u
themselves are "skimpy" and far be
low" mother's -regular standard.
(She's too busy to think about eat
ing, shedeclares).
Different for the Male.
ll father happens to"" have a few
extra hours, which he fondly
imagined would be spent in quiet
ease in his armchair, he is likely to
find the armchair on the front ver
anda, or in the back yard, and told
to make' himself useful in the gener
al "mad house," instead of playing
the part of a "good-for-nothing."
Althogether, it's a different period
of the year for the male.
But . "mother" has her way, of
course, and maybe it's worth all the
unpleasant features to see. that
triumphant gleam in. her eyes as she
emerges wearily, but victoriously,
from her relentless routing of win
ter's dirt.
Can You Picture This?
It's a picture no artist can paint,
no phonograph record, , nor no
movie director capture on' celluloid.
A man whr stutters telling his deaf
neighbor about the hare-lipped son
of their .web-footed landlord eloping
with the bow-legged daughter of the
widow who lisps. ,
"Why haven't you returned to the
speaking xtage, m'boy?"
"A vauttfville -audience Is satlnfiei if
you (umie Into th bans drum.'" explained
Yorlck llpmm. 'Ttnexn't xpvt you to
(all oil a KU-ioot clltC." Film Fun.
Signs We Mr,? Soon Expect to See
. .) , Now That "Prices Are
" Coming Down."
OWING TO CHEAPER MA
TERIALS, PIE WILL BE 5
CENTS A CUT INSTEAD OF
10 CENTS AFTER JAN. 1.
GOVERNMENT WAR TAX
BEING REMOVED, ADMIS
SION TO THIS SHOW NOW
22 CENTS INSTEAD OF 25.
EL CUSPIDORA CIGARS,
NOW 5 CENTS INSTEAD OF
7 CENTS. OWING TO RE
MOVAL OF WAR TAX.
CRAMPEMUP SHOES NOW
$5. FORMERLY $10.
' MEN'S COLLARS, TWO
FOR 25 CENTSA OWING TO
REDUCTION IN THE PRICE
OF COTTON.
NEVERWEAR SILK SOX RE
DUCED FROM 90 CENTS TO
FORMER PRICE, 50 CENTS.
Now, all readers join in on the
chorus: s '
'"But will we see them?
v "We'll say we won't."
' THE YOUNG IDEA.
Omaha school children sometimes
have fearful and wonderful informa
tion. Examination papers recently
have revealed the following as
tonishing "facts:"
"An equestrian is one who asks
questions." ' ' -
"Epicac is aman who likes a good
dinner." '
."Audible means worthy of ap
plause." "Conjugate is to all wripkle up."
"Munificence is a beautiful city."
"Tenacious means 10 acres of
land." '
"Ominous means the power to eat
everything."
"Republican is a sinner mentioned
in the Bible."
"Irrigate means to fun of a per
son." "Emolument means a headstone to
a grave."
. Boosting the Old Town.
(Decatur Herald:)
Dec;:tur needs so many things
it almost kills the Herald
to even think, of what Decatur
really needs.
There is- no place like "Home
Sweet Home," even if we do live
in Decatur. "
SOCIETY NOTES.
(Butterfly News In Stanton Register.)
Mrs. Claus Pahl called on
Miss Leona Brahrter Thursday.
Mrs. Claus Pahi spent Thurs
day afternoon with Mrs. Jim
Bates.
Miss Leona Brahmer called -on
Mrs. Claus Pahl and Dora "
. Werkmeister one day last week.
Mr. and 'Mrs. Claus Pahl,
Francis Sperl, Anna Sperl,
Lumir and Frank Husak. John
Unn, WiH Nelson, Anton
Hyneik and Joe Sperl were
Sunday visitors at the Petersen
home.
,A SCENT OF SCANDAL.
(Edgar Post.)
I am obliged to move my poultry boutie,
It iaiiM me much woe.
The country boys comes to town, "
Climb on It to aee the show.
f through the window they do peep
To Kee the Indies dress
Itut when a. chunk of coal comes up
They take at hike 1 guess.
FRITZ'S COMPANY.
(Fiddler Creek News in North Nebraska
Eagle.
Fritz Fillmer was on ' the
Sioux City market Thursday
with n carload of hogs.,
Oh, ' I Wish I Were a Founder,
Hurray 1 Hurray!
We note a new corporation is is
suing $10,000,000 worth of common
stock at $15 a share and 200,000
shares of "founders' stock" without
par value which, however, will be
bought in exclusively by the found
ers at $5 a share. The profits are
to be divided in equal aggregate
amounts between the $10,000,000 of
common stock and the $1,000,000 of,
"founders' stock
A Threat and An Invitation.
(Polk Progress.)
If the fellow that is borrowing .
and failing to return C. vN.,
Davis' Progress out of his box
on rural route one, Clarks, will
come to the Progress office and
hand us $2 we will send him
52 doses, otherwise, if Mr. Davis
' catches him, one dose will
satisfy him.
Sounds Like Scandal.
(East Lynn News in Clay County Sun.)
Well they said I shouldn't tell
and I'm not going to let any
body know that a certain young
couple went to town Friday eve
ning and bought some furniture
and they are going to hang their
clothes in one wardrobe soon.
They Sent Him an Affidavit Blank.
"Pies send me a happy david,"
wrote a man to County Judge Bryce
Crawford last week.
. STOP' PRESS! i
(Phillips Items in Aurora' Republican)
Late reports state James
Potter has purchased the pool
hall of O. O. Orndorff of Cairo
and'will take 'possession at once, v
He expects to put in soft drinks,
candy and cigars.
Stealing the- League of Nations
. Stuff.
(Crawford Tribune)
The greatest bargain that the
wotld ever offered to humanity
is no other than your faithful
friend quality! Star Hand Made
Extra Ply Tires.
H. BROADHURST.
If the Train Had Been Standing
Still, This Would Have ,
Been Remarkable.
"MAN STRUCK BY MOVING
TRAIN," read a headline in our eve
ning contemporary recently.
Also, what do you make out ot
this heading: "CLERK KILLED
OVER PAIR OF SOX." i
From Our Washington Correspondent.
John Shanahan, secretary to Con
gressman Jefferis down in Washing
ton, drops a line to us reporting tha.
a congressman from Ohio has in
troduced a bill asking that captured
German cannon be presented to
Berlin Heights, Ohio. "Looks like
German propaganda," giggles John.
He also says James F. Oyster sells
butter, cheese and eggs in Washing
ton. Well, why shouldn't he, John.
Let 'im go right ahead! Don't stop
im.
Auto Speed Demon Has
Harrowing Ride Off
Slow Train In Ioway
Ray Cooley, automobile speed de
mon and incidentally a salesman in
that fine, spent a week in less than
four hours shooting -the -chutes
from Malvern to Tabor, settlements
in Ioway, on what would be a dis
grace to the Mizery Pacific, he says.
Ray's conferees didn't know he
had been ont of the city until they
spied wrinkles on his forehead one
mawnin.' And they know he doesn't
drink Java out of a saucer.
In explanation of his perturbed
features, Ray uttered: "It was that
blankety-blank milk special railroad.
Thought I'd save time riding on it
Lost my reputation, instead. There
weren't any shock absorbers on the
cars and the railroad ties were three
feet apart. We missed two on that
12-mile trip.
"Old man engineer got homesick
and started back several times. Tried
to reason with him, but he didn't
have a chin. He could spit in one
ear. so wouldn't listen to me.
"Wasn't that grief enough to ride
on that line?"
Ray confessed he'd walk the next
time he would tour Ioway.
Nobody Loves Poor
Old Traffic Copper;
Open Season for Him
Hubert Thorp, who is one of
Omaha's finest, and who sometimes
rides herd on" traffic at Seventeenth
and Farnam streets, knows just
how one man feels about it. Last
week, after a near collision, he
heard the driver of flivver No. 1,
shout: "Hey! Who'r y' hittin'?"
To which the feminine engineer,
on fliv No. 2 replied: "Well, what
could I do?" x
"If y' gotta hit someone, hit th'
cop!" No. 1 counseled as he skit
tered away
Parson's Religion Is '
, Saved by Purchase of
, Real Horse for Farm
Rev. Charles W. Savidge, marry
ing parson, bought a five-acre farm
south of town a short time ago.
He decided to buy a horse for the
plowing and the farm hauling. His
son suggested a cheap horse, one
worth about $35.
So the parson bought it. But the
horse refused to eat. So the par
son returned it to the man who sold
it to him and demanded another
one.
This one refused to pull anything
and insisted in performing waltz
steps when hitched to a wagon.
"Son," said the parson, "this
horse dealing of yours will make
me lose my religion yet. Take this
$150 and get a regular horse."
Theparson's religion was saved.
If Jehu Was Son of
Zeruiah, What;
. But Let W.W. Pull It
Judge W. W. Slabaugh, deputy
county attorney, glided into the of
fice of County Attorney Shotwell the
ether day and, without preface or
apology, demanded:
It Absalom was the son of David,
tnu u jenu was the son ot Zeruiah,
what relation was Zeruiah to
Knur.
"VV'hv. 7prnin1l n-9e Tl-i,'a t 1.
of course, ' said the county attorney.
wrong: Darned tne judge.
"No. it Can't hp wrniKr " Inn'.laJ
Mr. Shotwell. "You said jehu was
t. . e , ... ....
mc son oi z.eruian, didn t your
did," asserted the judge.
"Well, then Zeruiah must have
been Jehu's father."
"You're absolutely wrong,'' Judge
Slabaugh insisted.
, "Well, then, what relation was
Zeruiah to Jehu?" demanded Mr.
Shotwell.
"His mother." the judge chuckled.
Whereupon he right-about-faced
and marched out.
- Judge Slabaugh is also authority
for the astounding statement that
"March Is the shortest month of the
year."
And he proves it by the indisput
able argument that "it blows two
days out of every three."
Light Heart and Light
Coat Soon Changed by
Harbinger of Spring
Detective Alonzo Petrus Troby
of the dual force of Troby and Bo
lar, Cer.tral police station, didn't
know "whad a code id the head
was" until he wore his last year's
light "sprig" coat t'other day.
The day was moderately warm;
a balmy breeze played down Dodce
strasse; tiic sun was on patrol and
a roDin cnirped somewhere in Hans
com park, some early bird in paja
mas reported. Such were the prin
cipal signs cf spring besides mar
bles at every corner from South
Side north.
. But the entire police force never
crave in to the advent of sorine un
til Lon, in his light coat, walked'
noiselessly through the corridors of
the police station.
"Oh, just a little harbinger, I am,"
Lon chirped. "I'm in tune with the
weather." He was nit.
Next day, in heavy winter coat,
Lon asked his intimate friends,
"Didja abber hab a code?"
lie has agreed to wait until sum
mer before he'll wear the light coat
again, he says.
At the White House.
Dear M,r. Wilson : Here's' my hand,
I hopeyou're feeling fit,
nd now I trust you'll stick around,
and help us out a bit.
Vour League of Nations is a splen
did thing, I must confess,
(Though I don't understand it, in
my simple-mindedness.)
But when you get it off your chest,
0 Woodrow, lend your ears:
Just have a heart, and clap the lid
on cut-throat profiteers.
I'll vote for any league or pact or
treaty that you ay,
U you will fix tne price of navy,
beans to fit my pay.
And you can go to Paris every sum
mer if you please,
If you will nail the crooks who hold
us up for bread and cheese.
About your League of Nations, sir,
1 neither, know nor care,
Hut this is close to where I live
iny daily bill of fare.
ROY K. MOULTON.
Jiggs Arouses Appetite pf ,
Omaha for Corned Beef
McManus Cartoons Responsible for High Price of Cab
bage Here; Father Fans Make Demand Much
Greater Than the Supply.
Listen to this, George McManus.
It's your fault that cabbage is so ex
pensive in Omaha. Every time you
so manoeuver "Bringing Up Father"
that "Mr. Jiggs" evades "Maggie"
and dashes down to the kitchen for
a surreptitious feed of corned beef
and cabbage you set Omaha's mouth
to watering for a taste of that de
lectable dish and the price of cab
bage takes a jump.
"It's a case of psychology, the
power of suggestion in advertising,"
is the way one Omaha commission
man explained it
"Several thousand persons in
Omaha, every night read The Bee
most of them are interested in the
doings of 'Maggie' and 'Jiggs,' in
'Bringing Up Father,' and all are in
sympathy with Jiggs' fight to get
corned beef and cabbage on the
table. Unconsciously nine out of
10 men get hungry for corned beef
or ham and cabbage whenever the
subject is mentioned. Did you ever
go to the theater and see a meal
served on the stage? Didn't your
mouth water for some of the same?.
Or did you ever read a Dickens
novel without hungering for some of
the old English dishes he so fre
quently describes in such enticing
detail?
"It is true, and if one notices it
carefully he will know that the day
following a McManus cartoon in
which ham and cabbage is mentioned
the demand for cabbage on the
Omaha market takes a long jump.
"One day in particular I remember
when orders fpr cabbage came in
from all sides. Retailers couldn't get
enough and I sought about for a rea
son. Accidently I picked up The Bee
from the day before and I found my
reason. Jiggs on that day had
broken away from a flock of high
browed persons, made his way to the
kitchen and enjoyed life for a few
minutes, seated at the table with the
cook, a policeman and a pot of ham
and cabbage.'
"Well, the cabbage looked so good
to me that I actually asked my wife
to have a mess the next day. Inci
dentally. I understood why every
groveryman in the city was howling
for more cabbage.
"If the cost of cabbage goes up
Omaha" people can't blame anyone
but Jiggs. That old plebeian is
makina a nation hunary for cabbage.
If he doesn't let up we'll be known as
a nation of cabbage eaters."
Obstreperous Youth First
, To Get Judge Cooley's Goat
Court Room Suavity, Urbanity and Coolness Unsur
passed Until Darky Lad From South" Dakota
Breaks Up the Party by Making Bench Laugh.
"Judge" Julius Cooley is urbane
and suave in the extreme even
when he appears for clients in police
court. But a few days ago a situa
tion nearly "got away" from him.
And all his suavity, urbanity and
coolness couldn't head it off.
The inmates of a negro house
were' on trial. A colored youth had
"blown in" from South Dakota and
looked too much upon the wine
when it was red.
"This boy," began Judge Cooley
is his most unctuous manner, "this
boy came from, the farm, an innocent
lad who was puzzled by the bright
lights"
Ah, com f m town, interposed
the "innocent boy," disgustedly.
"Ah, ain't no fa'm hand." '
The judge was nonplussed only
for a moment.
"Now, judge," he continued, "he
don't know which one of these girls
sold him the liquor. He "
Ah knows it was that one right
the'e," interposed the boy," point
ing to one of the girls.
But you aren t positive which one
of these girls sold you the wine, are
you?" asked "Judge" Cooley.
An mav not be positive, but Ah
knows it was that one,' declared the
youth.
I really haven t had time to pre
pare this case your honor? said
"Judge" Cooley. "Why, I only got
the case a few minutes ago."
How long do you want to pre
pare it?" asked Judge Foster.
Well, I ought to have at least
five or 10 minutes," said Judge
Cooley. "I haven't had time to en-'
gage associate counsel."
"I'll give you 10 minutes," said
the police judge. "Judge" Cooley
went to one side and consulted with
his dusky clients. Soon he returned.
"I am now ready to proceed, youi
honor," he said.
The young man from South Da
kota was again proving obstreper
ous. "Judge" Cooley tried to calm
liim down. But he wouldn't calm.
"Ah wants some 'sociate council,
jedge," he exclaimed at last
At this, even the court exploded
with laughter, and the case was dis
missed. My Summer Retort
I'm going to spend the summer
Right where I did last year.
The place lacked no convenience
Conducive to good cheer.
I had there every comfort,
I did not lack for food,
The cooking was a marvel
And everything was good.
The beds were soft and downy,
I did- not lie awake;
The coffee was delicious
Like mother used to make.
Nobody tried to sting me
On prices for my board;
Mosquities didn't bite me.
No irate boarders roared.
I motored out quite often
At very slight expense;
I was quite close to tennis, ,
And golfing was immense.
Ves, I will spend the summer'
With no desire to roam, .
Itight where I spent it last year
I'm going to stay at home.
