('-V-a-ilft'irtWriT jy- -yn r - T 1 -Tmrfii Hr-T'TTty Tnrrft n nnnn. n n n m iMTrTnrir iitiumh .n r. rHMffMpn a i 11 iiriiiniiii mi ma i " " .1 11 mil 11 ,n t 1 1 " ' - " -n . ,.. iMwij.-.:-, . L l,..-. n-,. r;, .-a -...'."-itwwiww" "i - TT--?!rm .... rr.v r Tw .. "i:.1. , 1 " 1 The Omaha Sunday Bee OMAHA, SUNDAY MORNING, . FEBRUARY 22, 1920. Dodge Street Paving Outfit Sold to Innocent Stranger Paid $700 Down on the Contract and Didn't Vake Up Until He Started to Fire One of the Jlen Whom He Noticed Laying Down on the Job Says He Came From the Nebraska Corn Belt. m w ms m m' ' W B mv ."M M m -M mm m m m rw mm m r mm , m mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmBmmm ' M- 1 t&N nearest . ""V ' ,. 3t, : jm3&&k ,.,, . "-if MST sJ ( ate a 'f zM&Sols a sl jm&tesanes--- v- vcoh r -r 1 sr -yr Judging from the replies which came in answer to the recent con test among readers of The Bee as lo the. stingiest 111311 or woman in - the world, every other human dis plays unmistakable traits of extreme ' economy at some time or other. The stingy letter editor was buried each morning with notes from eveiywhere, telling of the stinginess of someone', and so many times were the little deeds of tight ness repeated, that it caused a wor ried furrow in his brow. It was generally conceded that Mr. Penny Finchcr, who seems to delight in clutching poor little One Cent between his steel-like talons with such force that a wail of pain must come forth before the pres sure is removed, is represented in every community. , Hear Ye! Unmarried Oneh Stingy people abound in Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri and other neighboring states, if the writers of these letters are to be believed and each contributor swore to the truth of his story. Among those present, at this lit tle stingy party, was one woman, who declared her faith that any bachelor is among the stingiest metf or women in the world, because he is even afraid to share his name with a girl, Bouquet of Live, Human Interest Stories About People ' 1 1 : ! . Son and Daughter Serve as Trademark for Dad's Store "Cash and Carry." Under this slogan, and based on these principles, John Brennan of O'Neill, Neb., has built up his busi ness of general merchandise. The motto relates to the method of buy ing goods at the Brennan store, by which overhead expense of delivery is deducted from the selling price. And the store has a living advertisements I Even Deacon Will Enjoy . A little Sport if Led to It z . 1 Witness Two Ecclesiastical Bird Lovers Stumble Onto Genuine Cock-Fight And They Stay to See Finish, Expressing Pleasure Derived Thereby. John Fitz Roberts, South Side, president of the Nebraska Audubon society, knows more about birds than the average man and he has gained this knowledge from tramp ing through the woods of Fonten elle forest reserve. He knows how the female cowbird leaves her eggs in the nest for Mr. Cowbird to in cubate while she goes - philander ing around. He has a fine repertoire of bird stories, one of which follows: "I had two deacon friends who were inter ested in the Baltimore oriole, so I took them out one day in my auto mobile to a place some little dis tance from the Fontenelle reserve, where I had observed a pair of ori oles building their nest,' , , - "We drove along and as.we reached our destination we Jieard, from an obscure place the sounds of 'aockr v-doodle-doo,' , in clarion tones. suspected something, but did not re veal mv susoicions to my frietfds. "When we reached the scene ot the clarion tones we saw some men i fastening gaffs on two raosters. 1 Well, we repiamed quite a while, and as we were going away, one ot I . i f on. tAe N Other yarns of saving deeds roll ed in, as the tide submerges the div ing girls, reveling in the zephyrs at some winter resort. , One woman, who exhibited great zeal in describing her neighbor who borrowed the use of her telephone too much, gave herself away in her own hand writing. Here's a Tobacco Fiend. She must have used a magnifying glass, in writing her note, so she Mrs. Brennan is proud of her name, Cany, a syncopation of Caro line. Their young son bears the name John Cash Brennan, and a fiaughter answers the name Caroline, ar Carry, Brennan. The surrounding neighborhood knows well the Brennan establish ment through the familiar sight of t!c pair. Cash and Carry Brennan. the deacons remarked to me; " 'John, of course, if we had known beforehand what was going on here, we would not have gone, but I would not have missed that for a whole lot.'" They witnessed a rooster fight. THE THOUSANDTH OF AN INCH By Thomas A. McMahov : (In Popular Mechanics) At night I sit and ponder On the thousandth of an inch: I knit my brow and scratch my hea-' And then my fists I clinch. 0 show to me the man, sei I If Irish, Dutch, or Frinch The man who first invented ,j The thousandth of an inch. 'j When finally I craw! in bed, .So thankful for a snooze, 1 drive my sorrow all away Without the aid of booze- I dream f they have caugb -e -n". ',-'-. -aev ;ow will lynch. Bv ! Ti c n-n M-'no did'invcii 2 he thousandth of an inch' I f IH II I II I III I II II 1 V k JII vrr 1 in 1 1 111 1 111 in 11 1 v 1 iii. wr- i 'Ul,f i,. EP 1 l Mil 1110111 Mill.. A ytsm ll I IN. f., V 1 III I II IIIIIIT. " IIIIIHl. 1 ' I m - v could write small enough to get L all on one sheet and save paper. Numerous were the instances of minute description of the tight old man who smokes' his three-for-a-nickle stogie down close, and. then uses a toothpick to hold it so it won't burn his lips or fingers, and jet he won't waste any tobacco. And the man who' chews tobacco, saves the cuds to dry, and smoke and then snuffs the ashes or uses them VXX M m fi BUMBLE BEE ATTACKS HIGH COST OE LIVING! Will Help the -People By Selling Tripe at 18 Cents a Pound. Big Shipment on Way. The Bumble Bee, ever a leader in helping the common people, has ar-1 ranged to sell tripe at cost to the 1 people of Omaha, thus striking a vital blow at the high cost of liv ing. ; One thousand pounds of tripe will I be brought to Oiriaha from the tripe j fields of Arizona and sold at 18 i cents a pound 1 ' This is a considerable reduction ! I from the price prevailing in the , stores, whee tripe is selling at 19 ! to 20 cents a pound. ' "We are going to help the people cut the cost of living," said A. Stinger, editor of The Bumble Bee. i "We will strike a blow by bringing; the price of tripe a blow by bringing of everybody." ' i The tripe offered 'by The Bumble) Bee is of the best quality, hand j picked and packed in refrigerator 1 cars by special arrangement with the Arizona Tripe association. The shipment will be shipped in two special barrels, from the tripe mills of Bingo, Arizona. They will be rushed via the Santa Fe railroad to Wichita, Kan. There the two barrels will be transferred to the Rock Island on which they will be rushed to Lincoln, Neb., where they will be transferred to the Burling ton railroad, arriving in Omaha early in the. morning. Be on hand early at The Bumble Bee'office and get your tripe. Did It Work, Joe? (Johnson County Journal.) Notice The party who took the thingsj from my Ford car Mr. Bal drige Should Learn to Understand English As It Is Spoke H. H. Baldrige likes the girls, j small girls with curls and pink rib- mons in their hair, he avers. He happened to be in the South Side on a recent occasion and ob served a group of happy little girls in Mandan park, were he was vis- : iting with a group of Omaha men ! who were there in interests of the ; Fontenelle forest reserve. ' "Who are these little girls?" Mr. j Baldrige asked, in a kindly manner. I "We are. the camphor girls," a miss replied, bashfully ' it r i ii T i f v.arnpnor ginsc uu yuu sen cam phor or do you give it away?" the Omaha man inquired. Several of the girls giggled, but the little girl who endeavored to explain their identity became quite serious. "I didn't av anything about cam- Someone tdea of , he JieM ef&ketesity to clean his teeth, proved to be an other popular example of the univer sal tightwad. One man described his employer, for whom he declares that he does a great deal of overtime work and odd jobs not in the curriculum, as a man with whom tipping his hat is the nearest he ever gets to tipping. "Behold the Philanthropist." Of course, it would hardly be right to comment on this, but the still BY A . STING BR Sunday nigJit is known and will save trouble by leaving them with Everett Haughton, in Te cum sell. Joe Craney. The Cole Shortage. j (Cody Cowboy.) The Cole family has met with a series of unfortunate circum stances lately. Mr. and Mrs. Hal Cole went to Omaha nearly two weeks ago, and while there Mrs. Cole contracted pneumonia. She is still in a hospital, but is convalescing. On Wednesday E. C. Cole became ill, leaving Paul Cole alone to take charge of the bank and the store. As his clerk. Mr. Holljnger, has been sick for several days Mr. Cole was obliged to keep the bank closed and transact the banking busiv ness at the store or open the bank to accommodate patrons. II. A. Cole is returning this veiling, Thursday. BUTCHHAS NERVE. (Decatur Herald.) Butch Marr is filling his ice house with ice this week. The ice is remarkably clear and the oakes measure 22 inches in thick ness. Butch intends running a soft drink counter at the same old stand next summer. Good tor Butch. We like a fellow who lias got nerve.' CHILDHOOD. A tiny miss sat down, or rather up, on the seat beside me on a street car the other day. She had a coat' with little red dots. .After sit ting silent for a time she suddenly piped: "I've got pimples on my coat." Ask the Highjackers, Harry. "The Six Best Cellars" opens at the Strand today. Manager WaKs says he has no information regard ing the six best cellars in Omaha at the present time. explaining to Mr. Baldrige that the girls were Camp Fire Girls out on a hike in the wildwoods. "Well. I am pleased to meet the Camp Fire Girls," Mr. Baldrige graciously replied. , Pastoral P's. ! Purl pellucid'pools, Placidly pacific, ' Pretty posies peep, Plenteously prolific'. Purple pansies pose Pensively pathetic. Pious parsons preach Pulpit prose prophetic! Poly-petalled plum Pollen-pelted pluming Prim Pomona's puffs ' Pleasantly perfuming! . Pebble-padded paths-, Prickly plants projecting. -Passing partridge plead Passive pets protecting! Patient ploughmen plod Primitive possessions 'Pristine pastures please , Picknicking processions! Punning poets pen Prosody pedantic, , Prosy papers print Pastorals pageanticl Cartoons Magazine. small voice inside tl.e "stingy editor" just would not be stilled, when he read that one. Justification, however, seemed to ooze from all qprners of the en velope of the yarn who described one of the city's philanthropists, who wears a log-chain on his gold watch, fur coat, silk hat, and leans on an expensive cane, as his idea of the height of generosity. ' The neighbor described him, graphically, and added that the clos If f) VJ . British Army Note. (London Times). The King has approved the follg. appt. : INDIAN ARMY. To be Hon. Col. of the 2nd Lrs. (Gardm:r'a Horse). Hon. Maj.-Uen. His Hitthness Maharaja Sir Ganga Singh, Bahadur, of Bikaner, Cj.C.S.I., 'U.C.I.K.. O.C.V.O.; K.C.B.. A.D.f. (hon.) NAME. At the Hotel Fontenelle vegetable soup is on the bill of fare as "Potage Neapolitan." The Law's Delay. One way to hjecome a hero is to murder a poor, old woman and then clutter up the courts for years to avoid paying the penalty. Attractions of Foreign Travel. My whisky lies over the ocean, . My highball lies over the sea, My cocktail lies over the ocean, i Oh, bring back my whisky to me 4 Bring back, bring back, Oh, bring back my highball to me-e-e. Bring back, bring back. Oh, br'nR back my cocktaU to me. All He Needs Is a Monkey. "Folks will take vou for an Ital ian organ grinder," a friend remark ed to Doane Powell, Bee cartoonist. voon seeing Doane's cordurov suit by which he is going to cut down j 1 the h. c. of clothing. I I But After the Epidemic! (Stromsburg Headlight). NOTICE Positively no loaf- ! ing will be allowed in the Post ; Office duriner the flu epidemic. ' This is a government order and must be respected. B. S. Keck. d. m. We Know About the Raisins. But Why the Prune Shortage? (.lohnson County Journal). RAISINS and PRUNES. Can give you eood orices on Raisins and Prunes. They say they will soon be out of the market. L. M. DAVIS & SON. "Opened by Mistake" Tattooed On Stomach Of Man, by Physician Houston. Tex.,- Feb. 21. A kick froin a muie is guaranteed to make just about as much impression on the memoiy as it does on the an atomy. Yet Clyde D. Jarvis has made sure that he will not forget the kick he received from a Missouri beast of burden for the rest of his natural lue. Jarvis applied for enlistment in the marine corps, and exhibited aj scar about six inches long on the' left side of his abdomen. He ex plained it was the result of an op eration he had undergone six months . before for a ' supposed ruptured I spleen, following the kick from the i mule. ; The operating surgeon had made ! the wrong diagnosis, however, and found that Jarvis' .spleen was O. K. Tattooed above the scar in large letters were the words, "'Opened by mistake. ' i TAe fate Excepton est he ever came to real thropy was a wild shout: philan- "Let's give three cheers for the poor! Nevertheless, and moreover, how ever, there is always the exception which proves the rule. Consider This Lad's Future. Witness the small boy, whose city tpusin is out on his dad's farm for her first visit, and when she asks for a bite of his apple, he smilingly offers it to her with the admonition: "Take a big one." Granted. It's a mighty rare ex ception. But it has been known, to happen. And when that small boy grows up, he will neither be described by his neighbors as a stingy man, nor will he design to describe any of his neighbors as stingy. -SELAH. City Prosecutor Has Known But One Pet; Name Was OToole "Soak 'em, soak 'em, "Don't forget to soak 'em; "Give 'em 30 days, or 90 days, "But don't forget to soak 'em." With apologies to Whittier and Sam Morris, poet laureate of the Omaha police department, the fore going lines are accredited to a va grant who was recently sentenced to 30 days in jail in Central police court upon. the recommendation of City Prosecutor "Tom" Murray. . It is a matter of record that "Tom" has effected more convic tions on charges of vagrancy, drunkenness and other petty cases during his term of office than his predecessors care to boast. On one occasion, the prosecutor is known to have recommended leniency. That was when an al leged vagrant informed the court his name was "O'Toole." Be they wlu'te, black, Malay, bol shevik, I. W. VV. or pf any other class of bomb-throwers, prisoners brought to the prosecutor's atten tion receive the full blow of convic tion. With "Tom" pitting beside the police judge, a prisoner merely stands at attention before the court, utters "Good moriiin', Yerroner," and "Couldn't va gimme another day to make it 91 ?" Tom's retort is: "Give 'em the limit." Young Dick Came, Saw And Conquered His Pop Last Friday the Thirteenth Though nothing unusual Is a sur prise that happens on Friday, the Thirteenth, of any month, J. Dick Hassel, head of a line of sinker-and-Java houses and also an orator of importance when it comes to settling arguments in the local De mosthenes club, was knocked coo coo the 13th inst.. which happened on a fish day. Reason? An 8-pound bantling, full of pep and ambition, was added to the present Hassel group in stor age at 2606 Poppleton avenue. Prouder than a kid stealing a ride on a merry-go-round, Dick beheld that the new crying addition was a boy. After monopolizing two thirds of the city telephones in noti fying the city of the birth of another Hassel, Dick took to thought about naming the junior. An oldiy son is named "John Pershing" in honor of someone important in winning the recent house-cleaning in Europe. Dick was so happy he didn't know whether to call the 8-pounder Den nis or McCarthy. "He'll soon answer to Dick, though," the popular coffee house prop. says. "It Is very quiet down here," remarked th vlBttor from London. "Can't you rake up a little encltement?" "Well, I might let you have your bill," suggested the manager of the country hotel. London Answers. "The heirs of the dead miser searched "is shack thoroughly believing he had hidden something away for a rainy day. slid at last th-y found lt." "A fortune, eh?" , "No. An old umberella," Judg , A late scheme of hich finance de veloped last week in which William Uirane trom the cornfed belt of Nebraska was the victim of a schem ing gentleman who sold him the street grading outfit being used in the excavating of Dodge street. A description 01 the enormous 111- ! come being derived monthly from the rental of the grading outfit 'empted -Mr. Thrane and he invested to the extent of live $100 Liberty noiKls and $J0O 111 cash. Mr. Thrane's version of his fren zied plunge to reap a fortune came 1 light when he attempted to dism iss one of the men workinar with the street grading outfit, which he claimed was "layine down on the job." "Go Get Your Money." The man who was approached by Mr. Thrane was told to bo set his check, as he was no longer needed. since when have vou become boss?" asked the man. I "I bought this whole outfit yester day," said Mr. Thrane. "from the man with the leather leggins who was engineering the job." Oood night, said the workman. The rest of the story is as follows: !lows: j "I got it very reasonable," said Mr. Thrane. "The man said he Success. Ever since childhood I have Been possessed of a desire to at tain three degrees. At the age of 20 I entered Harvard And succesattended my efforts; I received my First Degree. Then I took a course in other uni versities, And again Success attended my ef forts; I received my Second Degree. But woe to me, I was Hearing 30 . And my ambition had notbeen at tained. I grew morose and married. Then, a wonderful thought struck me I shot my mother-in-law. At last Success had crowned my ef forts, 4 For the next day I received the Third Degree. Mark Bellinger. Mr. Leffingwell Advocates Courage, Candor, and Cheer And Proceeds to Crawl Right Out on a Limb, and Saw It Off Friend Wife Seeks Reason for Raisins in Cider And Young Hopeful Sifts Out the Fam ily Sands. By EDWARD BLACK. Mrs. Leffingwell was engaged in her usual S o'clock divertisement of preparing a table d'hote for Henry, when Mrs. Wrhat's-Her-Name sprint ed over to the Leffingwell seat of government, bringing a large smile and a desire to add momentum to any neighborhood . gossip that had the element of speed. "I had an awful experience this afternoon," the caller began. "It was the worst experience I have had since the time I tried to cut my man's hair to save SO cents and the neighborhood became all cut up over it when they heard of my tonsorial efforts. "Well, when I was returning home this afternoon on a street car, with my arms full of packages, the string on one of the packages became loose and the contents were revealed on the car floor and who do you think was sitting across from me? It was Mrs. So-and-So and you know how much she cares for me. Ever since she has been taking guitar lessons she will hardly speak to me. "Well, as I was saying, the pack age broke open right before her eyes and I felt embarrassed when I dis covered that it was not the package which I at first thought had broken open. It was only socks, after all.' So I thought that 1 would come over and tell you, Mrs. Leffingwell. Have you heard that Mrs. Two-step smokes a pipe?" . Suffers in Silence. The guardian of the Leffingwell bed and board suffered in silence while her caller chatted along on the goings and comings of her neighbors, which affairs found no place in the scheme ofthings in j the Leffingwell house. Mrs. Lef fingwell at the moment was more interested in Henry's feeding time, which the clock indicated was al most due. "I came over to borrow a pinch of pepper and I think that I must be going, because if Mr. Leffing well comes home and fifids me here again, he will "think that I am liv ing here," said the caller, as she took her leave homeward. Leffingwell appeared on the scene, having returned home after per forming eight hours of distin guished service during the day, as he believed. He looked over , the home scene with an imperialistic air, then uttered an interrogation which was equivalent to "When do we eat?" Mrs. Leffingwell began to suspect that her chief was due for one of his pedantic outbreaks. She was not disappointed. Folding his napkin at the sup per table, and assuming a position which was eloquent with authori ty, Leffingwell crawled right out on a limb and then proceeded to dismember it. . "I have struck a new note for the ' t owns so many of these outfits that the government claims he is a trust, so he had to sell this outfit. "I told him I did not know any thing about the work, but he insisted that I could learn it in a few days. We walked over to his office at one of the hotels and he told me he had control of a great number 'of these outfits and that when they dug the Panama canal he owned all the steam .Shovels but three. U. S. Charged Trust. "The United States government accused him of being a vtrust so he had to sell the outfit. He figured it all out to me just how much rent I would get from the city for the ua of this outfit, something like $75 a day after I had paid all accounti, and that it would take 18 months to complete the work. After that bt would have another job for me near North Platte, digging irrigation ditches which the government hat planned putting in. "We figured out a deal and I gave him five $100 liberty bonds and $200 in cash, the balance of the $5,000 which I agreed to pay for the outfit was to be paid in weekly instal ments of $245 a week out of mv rental profits." v. p 10 me present me man nasn t returned to collect his rent. Square Meals Cost x Twenty Cents; Paris Shows How to Do II Paris, Feb. 21. For just 23 1-2 . cents it is possible to obtain a hearty meal, washed down with half a bot- , tie of red wine, in the Paris Mu- nicipal restaurants just opened. The 3lX rptlle crn t r m ir fnr iUm win A prohibitionist can get the follow ing repast for 20 cents, and there's nn tin . MENU. ' Hors d'Oeuvre. Roast beef with fried potatoes. A large helping of vegetables. Cheese or pudding. Large chunk of bread. Food experts here claim that in no other metropolis in the world can three such "squares" be had daily for twice the price 60 cents for one day's nourishment. guidance of the Leffingwells," . h began, "and it is 'courage, candor and cheer,'' a trinity, of virtues. I have figured it out, that if we cul tivate these qualities, we will have solved most of our difficulties. Our troubles will take wing and we will hear the blue birds and see the sil ver lining. 1 , "This is the great panacea, and it is free for the asking. It abounds in the air, it is everywhere. Mix the three elements together, and you have a life-giving tonic. . Take this tonic in copious quantities ev ery hour and yoii will call for more. It is good for old and young." "Say, pa," interrupted Willie. "I fee that you have to pay your bills now before the 10th of the month." "Most, of our unrest could be al- leviated if we all had more candor and cheer and had the courage of our convictions. It requires cour age to carry cheer and candor, through the' day's work," Leffing well went on. "I would refer tc these qualities as 'the three Cs.'" "Why not-call them 'the high Cs?'" Willie inquired. Reasons and Raisins. Mrs. Leffingwell was beginning tn feel as if she cnuld knock the dining table over, with dishes and all, but she maintained her usual control and met the situation by telling her second lieutenant, what she thought of the subject matter in hand. "Henry Leffingwell," she purred, "you have about as much courage as an oyster. I think you had better practice up a bit.beore you make a show of yourself before the neigh- bors, as a demonstrator of courage, candor and cheer. 1 believe you have been mixing raisins in that cider I have been keeping in the basement for mince meat pie. And, Henry, you know as much about being a cheer-leader as our cat knows about grand opera." "Say, ma, there's reason in every thing and raisins' in some things," Willie observed. VWell, Mrs. Leffingwell." Henry said in conclusion, "it seems to nn that my words of wisdom in this house are like throwing pearls upon : the sands of time." "That isn't right, pa. that isn't . right," said Willie. "You mean 'sands of the desert.'" Wag Adds Joker to Medic's Invitation to , Visit Him Secretly A Nebraska doctor used the fol lowing advertisement: "Dr. Smith, ' physician and sur geon. "Difticu't cases preferred. ''Come in. a closed carriage." A sharp wag appended the follow, tug rpiqram : ' And leave in a locked hearse. Irk ' phor; I said we were camphor girls," , she repeated. The leader of the girls then came i to the rescue and aved the day by n;''"''"5"'TT r 1